Red Running Shoes - 12. The Valley of the Temples

For the umpteenth time I looked at the clock on my nightstand: only three minutes later than last time. It was fucking 5:13 am and I was wide awake. Why couldn’t I sleep? I should feel relieved, elated even. I did what Ruth said: I told someone – if only my laptop Zach – the whole mess. Why did I still feel like shit, even after I'd finished the fucking final chapter of the fucking journal?

Actually, I felt more like shit than I had before.

I needed to stop thinking ‘fucking’ and ‘shit’ every fucking minute. God, there was something seriously wrong with me! I had to get out of bed and maybe get a coffee or something. It was time to start with the ‘moving on’ part of my life.

Looking out of the open window, a cool breeze wafted over my naked body. I could smell damp earth. Someone outside was already watering the plants.

Chris has probably killed my ficus by now.

I pulled some jeans on, grabbed Zach, and walked down to Rick's office. It was Monday and Matteo didn’t need to get up early to go to the central market, so he and Rick were probably snuggled up in their bedroom, sleeping soundly.

I wasn’t envious, it was just - I had this, but for me it had been an illusion, a lie.

Stop thinking about that! Gah…sissy!

***

In the end I put the laptop in the middle of Rick’s surprisingly nice and tidy desk and then fixed myself an espresso. No vanilla latte for me any time soon. Sipping at the f…just no! hot beverage, I wandered over the terrace and into the olive grove behind the restaurant. Rick had told me of a small gate that opened onto a path leading to the sea.

At that time of the day the beach was empty. Perfect. I sat down, wrapped my arms around my knees, buried my toes in the cold sand, and looked out at the water. The surf drowned out every other noise and eventually, finally, every thought in my head. My brain became empty, and that was everything I wanted.

That blissful state didn’t last long, though. Shrieking and laughing, two small children came running down to the water, ready to jump in with their clothes still on. Hampered by tote bags and a cooler, their mothers yelled and waved, trying to move faster in the deep sand, but it was already too late. They never had a chance to catch the two before they were soaking wet. It was kind of funny to watch the inevitable happen, like how you wish you could stop the falling drop from staining the tablecloth.

Huh?

I looked at my phone, almost 7:30, time to go back to the restaurant and face Rick and Matteo. The thought made my stomach churn. Had they already found Zach? Started reading?

There had to be something I could do today, preferably far away from the restaurant.

The happy couple were in the kitchen, enjoying a copious breakfast. Staring at the screen, Rick was tapping away on my laptop. Question answered.

"Hey Matteo, can I borrow your bike?"

He looked up from his newspaper. "Sure, what are you up to?"

Stealing an almond-filled olive from his plate, I said, "I thought I’d do the sight-seeing-improving-my-mind thingy today."

"Meaning?"

"Archaeological museum, Valley of the Temples, maybe even the cathedral."

"Oh?" Rick frowned at something on the screen. “Any particular reason?”

As if he didn’t know. "Yeah. Don't wanna be here listening to your painful groaning every time you read something embarrassing. Thank you very much.” They were about to read my file of shame any minute.

Rick grinned. “You did something embarrassing?” Then he turned to Matteo. “He’s running again.”

Matteo ignored him. “Maybe that's actually a good idea. Do you think you’ll be back by eight?”

I shrugged. “I could be. Why?”

“Some friends are coming over; they’d like to get to know you."

"I'll think about it."

Matteo went over to a cupboard where he rummaged in a drawer until he held up a phone. "Here. Rick’ll feel better if you take this with you."

Rick glared at Matteo. "Hey, I'm not that bad!"

I grabbed the phone. "All right, thanks Mum and Dad…Ouch! Rick! Really?"

"I know you fucked up without me even reading this." He grinned slyly. ”I’m just warming up.”

***

As I rode Matteo's bike in the still fairly cool morning breeze, I decided to visit the Valley of the Temples first, as long as it wasn’t too hot, and then I’d hit the archeological museum.

I parked the bike in a shady place below some pine trees, so I wouldn’t burn my butt on the hot seat when I rode back in the afternoon. Replacing the helmet with my hat, I grabbed the backpack and set off to explore ancient history.

The Valley of the Temples isn’t really a valley, but a ridge outside the town of Agrigento. I don’t have to see every church, ancient stone, or tomb in the region to feel I truly visited a country, but this…wow. No wonder the area was included in the UNESCO Heritage Site list. It was impressive.

Ever since I had watched Star Trek: First Contact, and saw Captain Picard touching the Phoenix, I wondered if I would ever feel this need to put my hand on something to be able to connect with it. And now I did. Touching the columns or stepping on stairs of those temples and thinking that maybe that same spot had been touched or stepped on by some ancient Greek or Roman, well that gave me goose bumps.

I felt small, standing beside the Concordia Temple, thinking about how old this stuff was - over 2500 years - and it was still there. Sieges, earthquakes, burnings, decay…every time something happened, there had been people who noticed its beauty and importance and had rebuilt it. No matter how damaged, if you really want it, if it matters, you can rebuild it.

Whoa, where did that come from? I think it's a bit hot around here. I need to cool off.

Time to seek out one of those nice shady trees in the courtyard of the museum, drink some more water, and maybe have lunch. Didn’t Matteo say he put something in my backpack?

Two kinds of his delicious, freshly baked foccacia, fruits, and homemade cookies. Heaven. Maybe I could snatch my cousin’s husband?

With a nice breeze coming from the sea, I suddenly didn’t feel like visiting the museum anymore. That final cookie made me sleepy…

God, what is that horrible noise?

It took me a while to realize it was Matteo’s phone.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Rick?"

"No, Archangel Gabriel. So, where are you?"

"Under a nice shady tree near the archeological museum. I just took a nap. Actually, you woke me up. I didn't sleep well last night.” He didn’t sound like his usual chipper self. “Did something happen? Are you upset about something?"

"Yeah, you could say that. When will you be home?"

"Dunno. What time is it anyway?"

"Four pm. So?"

"Well, I think I'll grab a coffee on the way back and maybe some ice cream, so six-ish?"

"Better not be late." He hung up.

Huh? Rick sounded royally pissed. At me! Here I was thinking I would be comforted, at least at first, before getting tongue-lashed for trusting an obvious asshole, and now this?

A little detour, getting a coffee and ice cream, sounded better and better.

I found some nice shops and an interesting church along the way, so it was 6:30 by the time I was finally on my way home. As expected, the phone had vibrated in my pants five minutes past six, but I didn’t answer.

I rode up the driveway and could see Rick was already waiting for me. I hardly had time to turn off the engine before he was at my throat. "How could you sleep with him without using protection?"

“What?”

"How could you be so careless? You only knew him for what? A few months? He even told you he fucked in bars."

I was stunned. Never had I seen my cousin like this. “That was before we were together. We got tested. I don’t think Ren slept around without using condoms." Ren would never intentionally endanger my life; that I was pretty certain of. Funny…

“And you see where your trust got you!”

Ouch! "That was just low …" I tried to storm past Rick into the house.

Asshole!

"I'm not finished yet!” He held me back by my sleeve. "Ivan is coming tonight. He’s a friend and also a doctor. He’ll bring a rapid HIV test and he will draw blood samples. All I want to hear is ‘Yes, Richard!’"

"Fine! You act as if I’d only been thinking with my dick. I loved him. I trusted him and I don’t think he slept around without using protection. He is a cheating asshole, not a suicidal idiot!" With that I broke away from him and stormed into the house.

But I heard Rick’s answer anyway. "Maybe you are!"

Seething, I threw myself on the bed. How could he be such an ass? I couldn’t believe it: 'where your trust got you'. As if I wouldn't know myself where my trust had gotten me, but I also knew Ren would never endanger my life, ever. Or his.

Half an hour later, someone knocked at my door. "Jonah?"

It was Matteo. "Come in…"

He settled himself beside me on the bed. "I'm sorry, Jonah. I know you think Rick overreacted. But you know his temper, and he's afraid he might be losing you too."

That got my attention. "Lose me too?"

"It's not my place to tell you the story, but Rick lost a person he loved very much because of complications with a hepatitis infection. He got it from a former lover who convinced him they didn't need protection, because they were exclusive…"

"Oh…” I was shocked. I had never heard of this before, even though our family usually knows everything. “It’s still no excuse for his behavior. He--"

"I know. I already had this talk with him."

"He could have explained it to me."

"You’re absolutely right, but you know Rick. When something really upsets him, he can become a loose cannon. Ivan comes at eight. Talk to him before you make a decision, that’s all I ask. Please.”

"'kay."

When he was at the door, he turned around. “I'd like to talk with you about some things I read in your journal, maybe tomorrow or sometime in the next few days. Whenever you feel like it."

I took a shower and then dressed in well-worn blue jeans and a slim, white button-down shirt. Since Rick thought I was led by my dick, no problem, I could do slut in front of his precious friends.

Just you wait, my beloved cousin…

When someone knocked at the door, I knew it had to be Rick's vampire. “Come in.”

A tall, slim man who somehow reminded me of a raven, held his hand out to me. "Good evening, Jonah. I'm Ivan Cagliari. I'm a very good friend of Richard's. I work at the hospital San Giovanni di Dio in Agrigento. Rick told me you had unprotected sexual intercourse with a man who may have had multiple sexual partners without your knowledge."

Whoa! Straight to the point. No beating around the bushes.

I narrowed my eyes and took a step back. "He told you that, huh?"

"Yes. You may think this is a breach of trust on his side, and maybe it is. He's very upset about the whole situation. And I think…” He paused. "No. No, I need to tell you…explain this to you so you understand… My son, Leandro, was Riccardo’s godson. Leandro trusted his first lover to be clean, only because he said he was and Leandro trusted him. It happened that this man was also my son’s last lover, because Leandro died from complications of a rare hepatitis infection. He was only sixteen. So, you might be furious about Riccardo’s behavior, but if we had known…if we had detected it sooner, Leandro would still be alive."

I didn’t know Rick had a godson and Leandro’s story really got to me, but I was still angry. I wasn’t sixteen, and we had been getting tested regularly. Ren would never sleep with Eric unprotected. He was an asshole not an idiot. He knew what Eric did at the clubs.

“I understand Rick’s concern, but I won’t be bullied into this. I’ll get tested, that I can promise, but not like this.”

“I have everything we need here. It is unnecessary to wait. If this is just to make your position clear, we won’t tell Riccardo. I can take your blood. Then I'll call you with the results as soon as I have them.”

He was right; it was stupid to insist on getting tested elsewhere just to make my point, so I rolled up my sleeve and let the doc do his business.

"Good. I'll call you as soon as I have the results."

I didn’t want to see Rick but I was starving, so I eventually went downstairs. When Matteo saw me, he immediately came over. "Jonah, is everything all right?"

"Depends…."

"On what?"

"Ivan explained a few things to me, but that still doesn't give Rick the right to say the things he said…at least he could have apologized…"

"He will; you know him, he only needs some time to cool down."

"Well fuck him!" I turned around and sauntered along the terrace. There was a guy ahead of me and, as I got closer, I saw it was Nando. Wasn’t he the one, who said I had a cute smile on the first evening I worked as a temp waiter? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rick watching me. Ha! Cocking a hip, I smiled what I hoped was a seductive smile. "Well hello Nando, all alone again? Where is this boyfriend of yours, James if I remember correctly?"

"James is in Palermo; he had to attend to a business meeting tonight."

"Oh, so you're probably bored. Right? Standing around with no one to talk to.” I bent a little forward so I could whisper in his ear. “Well, we can't allow that to happen, can we?"

He grinned. “Any idea what I could do about it?”

"Well…" I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. "Let me show you the buffet?"

If possible, Nando’s grin got even wider. “The buffet…right. Good idea.”

Oh shit. What am I doing here? Help!?

Suddenly a hand tightened around my left biceps. "Jonah! There you are!" Sandro. I hadn’t seen him since that day at his shop. He didn’t look at me but he smiled at Nando. "Would you excuse us? I’ve been looking for Jonah the whole evening." With that he pulled me away to the small gate that led to the beach.

"Would you stop manhandling me? Where are we going?" I tried to peel his hand from my arm.

"Away from Rick, before he kills you…" He finally let go of my arm.

"Before he kills me, eh? Maybe I'll kill him." I turned around to go back to the party.

"Jonah, wait! You would have no way of knowing this, but Nando and James went through some serious relationship issues lately, mainly because of Nando’s inability to remain faithful. I’m sure you don’t want to get involved in all this mess, particularly since Matteo and Rick helped mending their relationship by talking to each of them for hours. I guess they would be extremely pissed at you if you started something with Nando."

I threw myself in the sand and rubbed the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger.

Well, hell. Didn’t I sit here at almost the same place this morning?

"I'm sorry, Sandro. Sometimes I feel as if my life is a fucking minefield... Of course I won't do anything to jeopardize an already fragile relationship. Me of all people should not do something like this.” I closed my eyes. “Thank you for stopping me doing something stupid… I was just so pissed at Rick when he called me a slut I just—”

"I'm sure he didn't mean it…"

"That's what Matteo said, but I didn't hear Rick apologizing to me. I mean--"

"He will do that. Give him some time. You know he has a temper."

"Hm…"

"Let me tell you about your hat. I already sold quite a few now that it’s named. Customers who know me, asked me to show them Jonah’s photo, but alas, I couldn't do it, because the elusive Jonah didn't let me take his pictures yet.” He sighed dramatically. “So did you think about it?"

“Yes.”

“And?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

"I think I'll do it."

"Really? Great! I already have some ideas. You should definitely wear your glasses and maybe your laptop should be in the picture as well. Oh, what do you think about wearing a tie? Yes, yes glasses, the hat, and a loose tie around your neck; that would be great, what do you think?"

I had to smile about his enthusiasm. "We'll see."