Landfall - 7. Opening Boxes

Woke up Sunday morning on my side of the bed, feeling better than I had in a while. Guess last night was the first good night's sleep I've had in a while. Dave's side is empty; he must have gotten up early, and headed out somewhere.

Just as I'm in the middle of a morning wakeup stretch, the room's phone rings. Greg next door, all energetic, “Gooooood morning! Did I wake you? You ready to start another fun day in paradise?” Bastard is too damn cheerful this early in the day. How's he doing that after being out drinking and dancing half the night?

“Grrr.....Yea, what time is it? Just waking up, but no coffee yet. Dave isn't here—don't know where he is, he let me sleep in. ”

“Dave is out on the beach, running. He should be back in a little while, told us to call you at 10 or so, make sure you were up. We thought it'd be nice to do a lazy Sunday champagne brunch. Think you can be ready to go around 11:30 or so? That'll give Dave time to get back in and get cleaned up, and you won't hafta fight him for the shower.”

“Sure, Greg, that'll work. We'll meet you out in the lobby at 11:30. And if you need anything, just bang on the wall, ok?” He starts laughing. “See you then!”

This is the latest I've slept in since....well, since I don't know when. And nice to have some alone, quiet time. First time by myself since all this mess started. I lie back in the comfy bed and start to think. Start mentally opening those boxes of items I've stacked away in my head.

Did all this really start only a little over two weeks ago? Life is so different, and the winds of the storm are always strongest around the storm's calm eye—and the calm eye of this storm isn't even close to reaching land. There's stronger winds still ahead, damnit.

Jackie's dead—because of me. That's a box I can't open yet. Too many feelings, too raw. Gonna hafta get some help dealing with those. Dave can help me figure out how to handle that, maybe get professional help.

I definitely need to talk with my boys. After a week's time in hiding, I know they've got more questions, and really want 'em to know I'm ok, and make sure they're ok before I'm off the radar. They deserve answers to their questions, and just hope they don't hate me when they learn who I really am. One box down.

I've got to trust that Dave and the Bureau have everything under control, at least in terms of the witness protection plan I created. And even though the rest of it won't kick in until I'm back in Dallas in a week or two for the trial, really need to get some reassurance from Dave that this is still a workable plan. Maybe tweak it a little now that we've had time to let some of the details fall into place. Just need to talk with Dave about where we stand on all of this. Two boxes down.

That only leaves Dave. And me. What the fuck is going on with us? Shit, what the fuck is going on with me? I don't regret kissing him, but these feelings I've got are something new. Never been jealous of a guy before, but damned if that really wasn't what I felt when I saw Larry and him together. And kissing him was the right thing to do last night. It felt natural; it felt good. And he definitely responded back. Sleeping curled up together last night was just more of the same good stuff.

Am I straight? Bi? Gay?

Can't say I'm totally straight, not with the strong feelings I'm developing for Dave. Just never had any kind of feelings for a guy before, so I've got no frame of reference.

Bi? Well, maybe that's an option. God knows I loved Jackie, but we'd kinda gone from giddy head-over-heels romance to just a solid friendship over the years. And the feelings I'm discovering for Dave are closer to that emotional rush of when Jackie and I were dating, not just building a new buddy relationship.

Am I gay? Don't know, but even after being around all the gay guys here, I don't think so—none of 'em appeal to me the way Dave does. It's not all guys, it's just.....him.

And, Dave's already admitted he's got a crush on me, so pretty sure he's comfortable with things.

Hell, do I need to slap a label on this? There's enough on my plate already that I can't say grace over it. Maybe just going with the flow on this is enough. This box is full.

My thoughts are interrupted—thank God, keep this up and I'll be in the looney bin before long—when Dave comes in from his run.

“Well, good morning, bedhead! You ready to get up and at 'em for the day?” He's peeling off his sweaty t-shirt as he's talking. Damn good looking man, muscled, hairy, all guy, standing there in just running shorts.

Shit, where'd that come from? I've never noticed a guy as being good looking before.

“Yeah, just hung up a few minutes ago with Greg, said we could meet in the lobby at 11:30 to go grab something. You go ahead and hit the shower—you smell like you need it.” I grin big, as he throws his t-shirt to hit me in the face with it.

“Ok, hitting the shower, hope you've got hot water when I'm done!” He laughs, grabs underwear from the dresser, and goes to the bathroom.

When he's done, he's back out in a few minutes. “Your turn, lazy boy. It's already 10:45, you're gonna hafta hurry to be ready by 11:30.” Laughing, he slaps my ass as I head to the shower myself.

Jonathan and Greg took us to a great brunch place, waterfront, typical brunch stuff, but an emphasis on seafood. I'm a sucker for eggs Benedict, so got those, with shrimp grits on the side, along with some fried crab dumplings. And a bright day encouraged us to stay outside on the deck. We relaxed, and by the time we finished the meal, it was 2:30.

“So what's the plan for the afternoon, guys? Got anything special in mind you'd like to do? We can always go to T-dance this afternoon....” Jonathan cocked an eyebrow and grinned.

“I see you're a dancer, buddy. We all did enough of that last night—in fact, I did more of that last night than I have in a while. Think I'll spend the afternoon by the pool and relax. Y'all go ahead and do what ya want, I'll be fine by the pool.” Dave nodded at me as I begged off.

“I'll stay by the pool, too, guys. If you want to go dancing, go. Barry and I will be fine by the pool. It'll be a good break for ya.” Dave smiled, and with that, the afternoon was settled.

“Ok, we'll go dance—but we'll be back for dinner around 7. Ok?” Jonathan's plan sounded good so we all nodded.

Back at the B&B, Dave and I changed into trunks, and headed for the chaise loungers by the pool.

After getting comfortable on the lounges, I cleared my throat. “Dave, can we talk for a few minutes?”

“Sure. What's on your mind?”

I then went over my checklist of things I'd thought about while in bed this morning. Asked for a review of the plan I'd created. Asked about talking with the boys again. And told him about my conflicting feelings about Jackie, and that I was feeling guilty over it all.

“Barry, the plan is basically in place, the assistant director of the Bureau is managing that directly. He'll be responsible for timing and implementation. I'll confirm where things are when I get an update tomorrow morning. And I don't think there's an issue with your talking with the boys. Maybe set that up for Monday night. And yeah, I'll get a professional for ya to talk with, maybe even find someone here—but you do know you can talk to me about anything, right?” I nodded. “That it?”

Uh oh. Now the other discussion. “Yeah, one more thing, Dave. I hope I don't need to apologize for anything I did last night. I felt good about the kiss we shared, and definitely comfortable with sleeping with you. If I need to apologize, I will, but just so you know....”, I cleared my throat, “I'm developing feelings for you, and I really don't know what to do with 'em. And if I'm out of line, say so now.”

I'm fiddling with the cap on the suntan lotion bottle. Wiping my hands on the towel. Re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Doing totally useless shit to not focus on his response; kinda afraid of what his answer will be, and yet kinda afraid of what his answer won't be.

Long pause.

I look over at Dave finally, but can't see his eyes--they're blocked by sunglasses, so I can't figure out what he's thinking.

He chuckles. “No apology needed, Barry. I'm honored by your honesty—and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy to hear it. I'm attracted to you, but you know that. And I liked the kiss, and the cuddling together as we sleep. But I wanna make sure that's really what you want. Look, you said it before; this is all new, I'm the only one you've got right now. You've been put into a situation where we're thrown together. It's not necessarily realistic.”

“I'm not saying your feelings aren't real, but I'd like to take things slowly, and make sure they're durable feelings. I wanna make sure you're gonna be comfortable and feel like this next week, or next month, or even next year. Until I know you're ok with those feelings, I'm gonna take it slowly—and you're gonna hafta let me know where you are with those feelings. Does that make sense?”

Whew. Dave doesn't think I'm out in left field, but he is showing restraint. Cares enough for me enough not to push. Damn good guy behind that mister pro image, he's not gonna take advantage of me. Nice.

“So you're ok with me exploring these feelings with you?”

He chuckles again. “Yup, I'll help ya walk through it all. But, we're gonna talk a whole lot to help you figure out what's going on in that noggin of yours. I just wanna make sure you really want me as much as you may think you do.” And the bastard grins. “But next time, let me know before you kiss me—I may wanna kiss back.” Another big grin that breaks into laughter.

Bastard is throwing my own words from the plane back at me. Yeah, his sense of humor is intact. The next thing you know we're giggling like kids in grade school. And seconds later, Dave reaches over, grabs my hand, and smiles. “Look, I'm not going anywhere. You've got time. Just relax, and make sure. This is too damn important to ya to be rushing into anything. And, it's too damn important to me, too.” He squeezes my hand to make his point.

“Ok, as long as we're cool.”

He nods. A weight is off my shoulders. “Let's get cleaned up, it's 5:30, and the guys will be back for dinner before long.” So we headed up to the room, and got ready for dinner.

After a nice Italian meal, we decided to cut the evening short, and headed back to our rooms.

And after watching a little TV, Dave and I stripped down to our underwear and crawled in bed. And just like last night, I cuddled next to Dave in the crook of his arm and his big arm went around my back. Dave turns the light off.

“You still ok with this Dave?”

He chuckles. “Hell, yeah.”

“Good. Me too.”

And sleep comes quickly.

Monday morn I wake up, and Dave's not in the bed, nor the bath. Must have gone out for another run or something. I'm already out of the shower and shaved when he comes in to the bathroom.

“Barry, I've got some updates for ya. Greg and Jonathan hafta do some errands this morning so we can cover stuff after breakfast, out by the pool. You ok with that?”

“You can't tell me now?” I'm sounding like a child, whining—he knows better, that I gotta have coffee before any serious discussion, and he's teasing me with this.

“Let's do it after breakfast, ok? You can get coffee, and be a little more awake. Besides, Jonathan and Greg are already downstairs waiting on us.” And with that, he slapped a cheek of my underwear-clad ass and left the room snickering. Bastard obviously enjoys keeping me on the edge.

After breakfast, the guys disappeared and Dave and I headed out to the pool. Sitting at one of the tables with coffee, Dave started filling me in.

“Barry, I'm gonna hold off going over more of your past this morning—at least for a little while. Wanted to fill ya in on where things are in the case, ok?”

“The case itself is moving rapidly, in fact, far more rapidly than Justice had expected. Your bankster buddies filed for a change of venue, citing pre-trial publicity as being too extensive to let 'em have a fair trial. The judge threw that out, and said despite the publicity, the case was moving quickly enough that there wouldn't be enough time to sway potential jurors.”

“And, yeah, there's lots of publicity around this case. All the TV stations have been running items daily about it, and WFAA went in and had a half-hour news special one night talking about the extent of corruption in Dallas business. They got clips of your home, they talked with your neighbors, and some of the folks you've associated with. And, by the way, your neighbors and associates had nothing but nice things to say.” He grinned.

“So far, no one has made the connection between Jackie's death and this case. The boys have had their pictures up on the Dallas Morning News website, but they've only been briefly mentioned in the TV coverage. They're still pretty anonymous at this point. We've contacted the News about taking down their pictures due to security concerns, so the pics came down after only being up less than half a day. ”

“Your old bosses started shitting bricks when they got copies of your work notes and your daily work diaries as a part of the discovery process. They're running scared, Barry. They know the documentation that you've done will put 'em away, and they've tried to throw it out on a variety of excuses. Judge didn't buy it, so it stays in as a part of your testimony. When those are combined with the testimony of some of the other smaller players, they know they're gonna go down.”

“But, because of their knowledge of your work diaries and your upcoming testimony, they're at the point of panic, so we aren't taking any chances with security. As a result of all of this, we've beefed up security on all the other witnesses. We wanna make sure no one's intimidated. We've also beefed up security on the boys. They're gonna be safe, Barry—don't worry about that. And the jury is being impaneled now, and we're getting a court order to have security coverage for them, too.”

His face softens. “As for the boys, we can arrange a secure line for you to talk with 'em on, but we're recommending that you not call 'em now. They're in the middle of finals, with the semester ending early next week, and Memorial Day is the Monday after that. If you talk to 'em now, it could upset 'em enough to mess up their final grades—but it's your call on that. You just need to tell me what ya want to do.”

“And, just so you know, part two of the plan, life after the trial, is almost totally set up, and meets your plan's approach. Trust me, you're gonna love it.”

Now his face goes totally flat, somber. “And, yeah, we'll get you a professional that you can talk with about Jackie, or me, or whatever you want to talk about. We're vetting a guy here, but the question becomes if you want to talk now, or can you wait 'till the trial starts and the rest of the plan kicks in? Once the plan kicks in, you can see that guy as often as ya need, while this guy will be here in Florida. But, you know how you're feeling better than anyone, so you tell me what ya want to do—can you hang on that long? Are these feelings overwhelming ya to the point it's doing a serious number on your head?” His look of obvious concern is piercing.

“So, give me some running orders, Barry. Tell me what you want.”

Long pause. It's all on me.

Guess I'm thinking too long—Dave looks at me, grabs my hand and squeezes. “You ok?”

His concern grabs me by the heart.

“Yeah, I am. Just a lot to process. I've got this thing where I can segregate each issue out in my head in it's own box, and work through 'em one by one. Sometimes just takes a minute to work through.”

“Ok, Dave, let's do this: First, I'm not gonna talk to the boys, at least not 'till exams are over. I've fucked up their life enough already, not gonna add more to that. But I will talk to 'em before the trial starts...just after their exams are done. And think it's best if they stay in their house at school. No need for them back in Dallas. That'll help 'em maintain a lower profile.”

“Secondly, I'm doing....well, ok, I guess, dealing with Jackie, and this stuff going on in my head with me and you. I can manage that till later, I think. Just can't afford to put it off; otherwise, it'll bite me in the ass later.”

“Finally, I want the details of LAT....that's Life After Trial, but somehow, don't think I'm getting that 'till much later because of your security concerns—the less I know, the better, right? Promise me you'll fill me in on what's gonna happen when we're back in Dallas for the trial, ok?”

“Done. And one more thing, Barry, the room across the hall has its repairs finished today. You want me to move out? Would that make things easier for you?”

I grin and answer quickly.

“Nope. That's one change I don't want right now. I'm glad you're here.” And I squeeze his hand that I've been holding all this time.