Dangerous Liaisons - 1. Chapter 1

Daniel Owen was dangerous. I knew that the moment I first set eyes on him. It wasn’t the leather bands that encircled his wrists encrusted with metal studs and pentacles. It wasn’t his slim hips encased in leather or even the wild sweep of his black hair, liberally streaked with turquoise. No, it was the look in his eyes... the bluest of blue, as startling and turquoise as his hair; a look that swept over me and made me turn, at the same time, hot and cold and feel naked and exposed.

His grin was slightly lopsided and showed even white teeth and there was something feral in it. He certainly wasn’t the usual kind you would expect to find enrolling on a Law Degree. I thought he must be in the wrong room, on the wrong course, on the wrong fucking planet.

He was staring at me unashamedly and it made me feel acutely uncomfortable. I tried to look away but I had to keep looking back because I could feel those eyes on me, those amazing, incredible, fantastic eyes and they drew me like a magnet. In fact the whole package was infinitely magnetic. No one in the hall had failed to notice him and they were divided roughly into two groups... those who were sternly disapproving or downright scared and those who were worshipfully adoring. No one was indifferent to Daniel, no one was ever indifferent.

I filled in the necessary forms, although my mind wasn’t on it and it took me ages to get my head round the choices I had to make. I really should have read the pre registration information and made the choices before I got here. But how was I supposed to know I would be put off my game by Daniel Owen. Not that I knew his name was Daniel Owen at the time, of course, at that point he was just the hottest boy I had ever seen.

I eventually finished my registration and wandered around the hall looking at the stalls representing the major groups and societies. I joined the Law Society and took some interest in a few of the more ‘out there’ groups. I lingered in front of the LGBT stall but didn’t have the courage to speak to anyone or show that I was taking too much of an interest and I was about to turn and walk away when I heard the sexiest voice I have ever heard.

It was as if someone had melted chocolate and poured it down my back. I shivered and am ashamed to admit I was too afraid to turn round to see who it belonged to. Whoever it was, was talking to one of the people manning the stall, an effeminate young man with floppy blonde hair, asking about the whereabouts of local gay bars. I stared fixedly at the leaflets I was scanning and just about dropped down dead when the blonde boy reached in front of me to pick up one of the leaflets I had been looking at.

It would have been rude to have just ignored him so I looked up and found myself drowning in liquid azure. The world trembled and I sank into it. I was shocked to find that I was shivering. I could no more speak than I could fly. I became aware of the blonde boy babbling and when I tore my eyes away and glanced at him he was glaring at me.

“Hi.”

Fuck... now what? I was expected to speak. They were both looking at me and I had lost control of my voice.

“Um... hi.”

“I’m Daniel.”

“Er.... yeah.”

Daniel laughed and I almost collapsed there and then. “O...kay. See ya.” And then he was gone, swallowed by the crowd, clutching a leaflet and leaving the two of us dumbstruck and staring, slack jawed, after him.

“Um.... Is there anything I can help you with?”

The blonde boy was looking at me expectantly, with just an edge of petulance in his face and voice.

“No... no thank you. I... I was just looking.”

“Yeah.... I noticed... so was I.” He was grinning and, even though I blushed I couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Look... we’re having an icebreaker at the student union tomorrow night. Why not call by?”

He thrust a flyer into my hands.

“Thanks but I.... I’m not....” He grinned and my blush deepened. I took the flyer and fled.

After that the allure of the fresher’s fair lost its gloss and I wandered out into the autumn sunshine. I didn’t really want to back to my room. It was a nice room, in a shared house, one of the better ones in the predominantly student district but I just wasn’t used to being on my own. It was strange not to have my family around me, strange to be alone, a stranger in a strange land.

It was what I had wanted, I couldn’t dispute that. I had been chomping at the bit to get away from the confines of my super straight, devoutly religious family for months but now that I was here I was finding that being alone was harder than I thought. I was the only one who had moved in so far and the house was too big and too empty.

I wandered around the university for a while checking out the beautiful architecture, the bright modern refectory and finally ending up in the student union bar. I was pleasantly surprised by the cost of the beer and was feeling mellow as I wove through the throng to one of the booths that lined the walls. Even though I was feeling lost and lonely I was not yet ready to throw myself into the throng, preferring to lurk in the shadows and watch for a while.

I was watching a group of young men getting carried away over a very exuberant drinking game when I became aware of someone slipping into the booth next to me. I should have known but I looked up in all innocence to be completely swept away the instant my eyes met the cool sea blue gaze.

“Mind if I join you?”

Mind? I had completely lost my mind. I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head dumbly. Daniel smiled his magical smiled and flicked a long hank of turquoise silk out of his eyes.

“I didn’t get your name earlier.”

“Um... Josh.. Josh Stearn.”

“Well hello Josh Stearn. I am very pleased to meet you.”

“I...um....”

Daniel laughed. “So... are you going tomorrow night?”

“Going where?”

He pointed towards the crumpled flyer which lay, forgotten on the table. I shook my head.

“No I... I’m not... not... interested.”

Daniel’s grin widened. “So... you were just hanging around the LGBT stall because you were... curious? Not... interested?”

“I... yeah... something like that.”

“Okay.”

“Um... are... are... you..?”

“Interested?”

I shrugged and he shook his head, not in negation but mocking me. “I’m interested in a lot of things.”

“Oh. I see.”

“See what? What do you see? Tell me, Josh Stearn, when you look at me, what do you see?”

“Excuse me.”

“Nope... sorry, can’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Excuse you. You are not excused from answering that question.”

“I don’t know what to say. What do you expect me to say?”

“Expect? I don’t expect anything. I’m just... interested.”

“Interested in what?”

“Interested in hearing your answer to my question.”

My head was spinning. He confused the hell out of me at the best of times but to ask me that... to ask me to vocalise the effect he had on me, the thoughts that went through my mind when I looked at that crazy hair, those beautiful eyes....

“I think I forgot the question.”

“Liar. “ He was teasing me, playing with me like a cat with a mouse. Why? He must have realised the effect he was having on me. He even leaned in a little closer, looking up at me through his hair, his eyes wide and hypnotic. Oh he realised alright... he knew.

He held my eyes for what seemed like an age. It was agony. There was no way I was going to answer his question but it was equally unthinkable to break the connection, to turn away, to make light conversation. My mind was in a whirl, casting about to find something, anything to say that would not make me sound like a complete idiot.

Finally Daniel laughed and sat back stretching his arms across the back of the seat on both sides so that the tips of his fingers brushed my shoulder. I didn’t know if it was a deliberate touch but it burned me, sending shock waves through me.

“Okay, I’ll let you off... for now. So, here’s another one... if you aren’t.... interested, and for interested let’s be reckless and substitute the word ‘gay’, why were you hanging around the stall?”

I stared at him like a rabbit caught in headlights. I was such a fool... so crass... so gauche... so uncertain and he... he... wasn’t. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if you’re gay or you don’t know why you were hanging around the stall?”

I could feel my face turning darker and darker as the blush seemed to set it alight. I looked down at my pint and took a long drink, trying to calm my mind, trying to think of a clever answer, trying to delay having to answer at all. In the end there was nothing I could do other than tell him the truth.

“Both.”

He nodded, his face thoughtful, the mocking smile disappearing to be replaced by a wry twist of the mouth. “Was it so hard to say that?”

Wordlessly I nodded. Somehow, without the slightest effort, he had the knack of drawing out of me things that I had never vocalised to anyone, barely even acknowledged myself.

“Thank you.” He sounded sincere. “Are you scared of me?”

“I... I think.... a little.”

“Why?”

“Because.... because...” Again the truth loomed like a dark cloud over my head and the very thought of speaking it made my stomach turn to ash and my heart to lead, so heavy it was painful. And yet... and yet.... Now that he wasn’t mocking me there was something... sincere, gentle, encouraging in his eyes, his smile. “Because you are.... beautiful. You are beautiful and wild and ... and... you make me feel... things...”

“Things? What kind of things?” All hint of the mocking flirtatiousness was gone. His voice was low and his eyes burned me. I started to tremble and I just couldn’t look at him any more, it was unbearable. I dropped my eyes and stared into my pint. I could feel him watching me.

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

“What?”

“It’s a nice day. Too nice to be inside. Would you like to go for a walk, down by the river?”

“I.... yeah... okay.”

I could feel him watching me as I slid out of the booth and his eyes burned my back as we wove through the crowd towards the door. I could also feel just about every eye in the place watching him. He was easily a head taller than most people there and his bright hair made him stand out even without his unmistakable presence and undeniable physical beauty. All in all Daniel was a one man circus attraction.

Once outside I headed for the river... or at least where I assumed the river to be. I was aware of Daniel walking besides me, his eyes lowered, his stride matching mine. On the odd occasion I sneaked sideways glances at him he was not looking at me, simply walking, completely at his ease, smiling at the many who stared or gawped, or even sometimes smiled greeting. Daniel had a way of making people want to smile.

The river was just far enough away from the sprawling university campus to seem as though it were remote and secluded, even though it was only separated from the road by a narrow strip of brushwood and from the main university buildings by a sloping meadow and short path through new woodland.

As we walked through the bright meadow in the afternoon sun I suddenly felt a sense of peace settle over me. It was strange because I was rarely at peace, rarely even still in the chaos that was my mind my life. In one sense it was what I had come here to find... peace, stillness... myself.

I stopped and lifted my face to the sun. Even though my eyes were closed I sensed Daniel stop a few paces away, felt his eyes on me, soft and curious. For the first time I didn’t feel remotely uncomfortable at the scrutiny. I smiled.

When I opened my eyes Daniel was watching me with his head tilted slightly to one side, a smile on his lips. I met his gaze and it pierced me like a lancet, turning my legs to jelly. Immediately the sense of calm and peace fled and I was buffeted by confusion once more.

Unexpectedly, shockingly Daniel held out his hand to me and I stared at it for a moment as if he had offered me the head of a cobra. He waited patiently, the same strangely gentle smile on his face. What should I do? What could I do? If I walked away.... no I couldn’t walk away from him that was unthinkable but... if I took his hand... then wouldn’t I be... wouldn’t it be admitting...?

His hand was warm and soft, his grip firm. He drew me forwards and, before I knew it we were running, flying over the grass... heedless, headlong towards the trees. When we reached them we carried on running, leaping over fallen branches, dodging trunks, and then onto the path and along the side of the river, deeper and deeper into the woods. At first we dodged people too but after a while there was no one.

Suddenly my foot caught in a hidden tree root and I stumbled. If it hadn’t been for Daniel’s grip on my hand I would have fallen headlong. As it was I fell to one knee and would have gone face first into the dirt but, with amazing speed and grace Daniel was there and somehow I was on my feet and in his arms.

For a heartstopping moment I was lost in a world where my senses were thrown into complete overload by sheer physical sensation. His strong arms encircled me and I looked up into his angel face, the aqua eyes only inches from my own. It was only when my chest began to burn that I realised I had stopped breathing and caught my breath with a gasp feeling light headed and faint.

Daniel smiled, making no move to release me. “Tell me now.”

“T..tell you? Tell you what?”

“Tell me what you see.”

“I see.... I see...” How could I tell him what I saw... the porcelain smooth, flawless skin, pale as alabaster, stretched taut over features that were delicate and defined, but, at the same time, strong and masculine: the huge eyes fringed with lashes so long and dark they looked as though he was wearing mascara surrounding a colour so deep and true it seemed artificial: the vibrant hair that flowed like finest silk: and I couldn’t even have begun to find the words to describe his lips, except to say that they were made to be kissed. “I see an angel.”

“Hardly. But... thank you for saying so. Do you want to know what I see?”

“God no.”

Daniel smiled. “Sorry... it was a rhetorical question. I see someone who has affected me in the strangest and strongest way. From the moment I first saw you, you have turned a light on inside my head and no matter what I do I can’t put it out. I see someone who is confused and shy and not willing to accept what they’ve always known. I see someone who is not only unaware of how beautiful they are but afraid of it, hiding it under these....” He took my glasses off my face and threw them into the grass... “and this... this really bad haircut.” He ruffled my hair.

I blushed and laughed, lowering my eyes. Daniel let go of me and put a finger under my chin lifting my face so he could look into my eyes.

“Don’t hide Josh. Come out, come out.... wherever you are.”

And then he kissed me. For a moment I was absolutely rigid... shocked, appalled, afraid but... but the touch of him, the smell of him, the feel of his lips, firm, strong, experienced.... I melted and he put his arm around me again, this time to support me or I would have sunk to my knees.

Almost without conscious will my arms went around him and one hand buried itself in that amazing hair... it was as soft as it looked and it almost overloaded me. In the same instant the tip of Daniel’s tongue parted my lips and his hand brushed the back of my neck and it was all I could do to stay conscious.

Barely holding on to my control I pressed myself against him, moulding my body into his, feeling the hardness of his muscles against my chest, and something different altogether hardening against my abdomen. I felt myself twitch in response and my hand convulsed in his hair pulling his head hard towards me, grinding our teeth as I plunged my tongue into him, desperate, gasping, thrusting, reaching for.... something.

Laughing, Daniel pulled back and licked his lips. “Steady tiger.” I noticed he was breathing hard too, his eyes dark with desire. “So... are you.... interested yet?”

“Fuck yeah. You have my absolute, full attention.”

Still panting Daniel grinned. “So... my place or yours?”

I stood stock still in total shock as the import of what he was suggesting sank in. For as long as I could remember I had struggled with my sexuality. Girls had never interested me, not in that way, although I had close friends who were women... still do. Having said that, boys had never particularly interested me either. I had never allowed my gaze to linger on their bodies in the shower after gym, never looked into the eyes of another man and wondered what it would be like to kiss them, to feel their bodies pressed close to mine.

Maybe it was because my parents were so devoutly religious and encouraged plenty of healthy exercise, lots of church based activities and strictly no sex of any nature, or maybe it was because I always knew and feared... but I never allowed myself to think about it, never questioned, never explored, never admitted.

It was only in the last few months that I had started to allow myself to think about sex at all... crazy as it sounds it was absolutely true. It isn’t that I was completely naive and detached from the real world, neither was it that I had not had... liaisons... I had. I’d had girlfriends and kisses and fumbles in the dark but I had been brought up... no brainwashed to believe that sex before marriage was unthinkable so it had never been at the forefront of my mind. But I had always been aware that those fumblings in the dark had never got so much as a rise out of me and it had occurred to me to wonder why.

Of course it had crossed my mind that I might be gay. I tested out my reactions with various male personalities and didn’t get very far and so I had come to university a completely open book on the sex front... open to anything and everything. It was just my good luck that it was Daniel who opened me. It was the look, the amazingly electrifying, if brief glance that we had shared in the very first instance that had made me linger at that stall.

And I had taken his hand and followed him. But... now he was asking me to follow him to places I had never....

“I.... I don’t know.... I...”

Daniel’s teasing smile grew gentle. “Don’t worry. I won’t ask you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Maybe we can just talk, get to know each other.”

“Why? Why me?”

“I don’t know. I have absolutely no idea. But the first time I saw you I just.... I knew you were special and I walked away but then I had to come back. And then at the stall... I walked away again and again I had to come back. I followed you to the bar.... maybe I’m a secret stalker, I don’t know. I just know that I keep coming back so I figured that must mean there is something about you worth coming back for.”

“You are the strangest person I have ever met.”

Daniel shrugged. “I guess you haven’t met too many people then... at least not the kind I’ve come into contact with.”

“Maybe not. I’ve led kind of a sheltered life.”

“So... what do you say?”

“I... say.... okay... come back to my place. No one else has moved in yet, not for another few days.”

“Okay. Lead on.”

And so I took him by the hand and led him back through the woods, across the meadow, through the town and to my shared house. I had to take his hand, I had to hold on to him... I had to hold on to something. If I hadn’t I would have run, run, run.