Dangerous Liaisons - 9. Chapter 9

Daniel was released from hospital in the early afternoon and his parents drove us back to my flat. They had wanted him to go home with them but understood when he stated quite firmly that he wanted to be with me, to get back to normal as soon as possible. Of course his mother was worried about him but the doctor had reassured her that he was perfectly healthy although he had suggested, not in front of Daniel, that they might think of arranging an appointment with a psychologist or counsellor. They knew better than to suggest that to him.

We went back to Daniel’s house, after arranging for Giani, Colleen and Ash to be out for the afternoon. It was so good to see him back in familiar territory. It wasn’t really until that point that I let myself think about what had happened, what might have happened.

I was in the garden, looking back towards the house and watching Daniel moving about in the kitchen getting drinks for us both. The sun was shining, warm on my skin. The birds were singing in the trees that bordered the neat lawn and bees were buzzing nearby. Daniel was humming as he worked and the sound floated to me through the open window. And suddenly it all came crashing down on me.

I wasn’t aware of falling. I wasn’t aware of crying. I wasn’t aware of the crash of two mugs falling onto the flagstones. I was aware of only one thing. I had almost lost Daniel. I had no idea what he had gone through, he wouldn’t talk about it, swept it aside like it was of no importance and, maybe it wasn’t for him but for me it was torture. What I didn’t know my mind created in technicolour.

“Josh. My God, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

I couldn’t answer him: couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. I realised that I was crying, huge wracking sobs and suddenly he was there, on his knees next to me, taking me into his arms and pressing my face into his shoulder. I breathed in the smell of him, the essence of him and clung to him as if I was drowning.

“Josh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay. Calm down babe. I’m here. It’s okay now.”

I still couldn’t speak but the terrible pressure within began to ease, the hand that gripped my heart released its hold a little. Hiccuping and gasping I began to relax, sagging into his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What the hell are you sorry for?”

“I... didn’t mean to... to fall apart.”

“Just don’t leak on my any more and it will be fine. What’s going on? It’s over now Josh. No need for tears.”

“I know. It’s just... I have been holding everything together, being brave and thinking positive but all the while more terrified than I have ever been. The thought of losing you... it was unbearable. And now that you’re safe, now that it’s safe to...”

“I see. Now you feel safe you have to let it all out.”

“Yeah.”

“Then go ahead. I won’t mind if you leak a little. Just don’t drown me.”

Pushing away slightly I looked up into his eyes, his beautiful, amazing, incredible eyes that were bright and clear and so understanding.

“What happened to you?”

I watched the emotions flash over his face. At first he looked surprised, then angry, then afraid, then resigned and ultimately he understood.

“Are you torturing yourself with what might have happened?”

I gave a bitter little smile. “You know me so well.”

“Yes, yes I do. It wasn’t a big deal Josh, honestly. The reason I don’t want to talk about it is because I know you will make more of it than it was. I wasn’t hurt, not really. I wasn’t scared because I knew you would come, or at least someone would come because of you. It was... unpleasant but that’s all.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why would I lie to you?”

“Because you don’t want me to be upset. I know that, but not knowing is upsetting me more than the truth could. I try not to think about it but it keeps coming back. My mind provides the pictures and I can’t stop them.”

“Come inside.”

He helped me to my feet and then preceded me into the house. I followed him, ignoring the smashed coffee mugs and spreading stain on the patio.

Inside Daniel was curled up on the sofa and he reached out his arms, pulling me down to nestle on his lap. I rested my head against his shoulder as he spoke quietly and gently telling his story simply and sensitively and all the while holding me tight and reassuring me with his strength and courage.

When he had finished and before I could say anything he squeezed me and kissed my hair. “Don’t even think of saying sorry.”

I turned my head to look up at him. He was smiling. “How do you know I was thinking that?”

“I know you. Nothing that happened to me was your fault. Some of it was slightly your parents’ fault but I forgive them because they were only trying to take care of you and, as that is what is the most important thing to me too I can forgive the fact that they went about it all wrongly.”

“Daniel....”

“I told you... don’t.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Yes... you can. Your parents thought that they were doing the right thing when they went to their church for help. They were shocked and scared and that Reverend Shaw monopolised on that. He screwed them over as much as he did me.”

“I am not sure I believe that, but I am sure you do and... I suppose... I suppose I have to give in to that. I... I’ll talk to my parents. But the minute they say a word against you or suggest that being with you is wrong, they’re out of my life.” I surprised even myself by the vehemence of my words. Daniel smiled.

“Fair enough. I can’t ask any more of you.” Daniel’s eyes were glowing, dark with something that was very familiar and finally made me smile. I leaned my head back against his arm, his strong sweet familiar body, and he lowered his head and took possession of my soul sucking out the darkness in just one kiss.

With a sigh I settled back into his arms and linked my own around his neck. He shifted his position a little so that he could press more of his body against mine and the kiss deepened as I began to feel his heart beating just slightly out of step with mine.

I didn’t know what to think, what to feel. My mind had created a whole lot more than Daniel had told me actually happened but I didn’t believe for a minute that he had told me the whole truth.

“I told you what happened Josh, accept it.”

“Will you please get out of my mind?”

“When you stop beating yourself to death with a stick that does not, actually exist.”

“It exists, Daniel. Perhaps it exists only in my mind but it exists nonetheless. It is my love for you, my fear for you. I hate that man, all of them for what they did to you. Oh... alright ... for your sake I will take my parents out of the equation and, for the time being accept that they did what they thought was best for me... but the rest of them.... I hate them, I hate them all.”

“Hate is a very destructive emotion Josh. You should not buy into it lightly. I don’t bear any grudges for what happened. It was nothing I couldn’t handle, no harm done. What’s the use of hatred anyway? They all did what they believed was right. They thought they were helping me, saving me. I can’t hate them for that.”

I stared at him and he smiled gently back. I shook my head. “I can’t be like you. I can’t forgive so easily.”

“I didn’t say I forgive them, just that I don’t hate them.”

“Whatever. I do. I hate them. They hurt you, and they did it more than once. I don’t care what their motives were or what they thought they were achieving. They stole you away from me physically and tried to take you away from me again mentally... I won’t forgive them for that and, most of all I won’t forgive them for causing you pain.”

“It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, nothing I can’t handle.”

“I’m not disputing that. You are strong, I know it. You are stronger than me by a long shot and you are more forgiving. I can’t be as good as you.”

I think that I was pouting at that point and Daniel snorted with laughter. “Good? I’m not good. I’m a self centered, overly confident, bordering on arrogant son of a bitch who is too single minded and stubborn to know when to stay down.” He sighed and his gaze turned introverted. “Sometimes I am too blinkered for my own good. This time it came in handy but I have lost friends and lovers because of it. Because I am too uncompromising.”

His eyes snapped back into the present and locked onto mine. “But I am not going to do that this time Josh, I swear it. In all my life there is only one thing that has made me feel, at the same time stronger and weaker than I have ever been... and that’s you. Let this go, let the fear go or it will eat you up inside and I will be responsible for destroying another pure soul.”

“I don’t believe you have ever destroyed anyone.”

“Not deliberately but, ashamed as I now am to say it, if you look into my past you will find it littered with broken hearts and broken people. I never meant to hurt anyone but I have never let anyone get close to me, close enough to find my weaknesses and strong enough to make me face them and get past them.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, and I hope you never do. I have been an insufferable boor. Suffice it to say that there are only two people in my entire life, apart from my family, whom I have said ‘I love you’ to. The first one laughed in my face and was right to... the second... well the second has never laughed in my face about anything and, for that I am truly grateful.”

A warm glow began somewhere deep in my guts and radiated outwards until I was tingling all over with it and I thought that my heart was going to stop. This time when he kissed me my whole body reacted and my soul strained towards him even as my arms reached out and pulled him close.

When I came up for air I could not help but ask...”Who was the other one?”

“What?”

“Who was the other person you said ‘I love you’ to?”

He grinned, slightly breathless, his eyes hot and hungry. “Charlie.”

“I had kind of guessed. That’s okay.”

“Okay?”

“I can't be jealous of Charlie.”

He laughed out loud that time. “That’s good to know. If I thought for one moment that you were jealous of Charlie I’m afraid I would have to slap you. Charlie is my closest friend and no one, not even my soul mate, the love of my life, comes between us.”

I was hit sideways, shocked beyond words. I just stare at him, my mouth opening and closing. “What? What did you say?”

“I said that no one comes between me and Charlie.”

“Not that bit.”

He smiled gently, his eyes turning soft and stroked my face. “I said...” His thumb brushed across my lips causing me to shiver uncontrollably. “... that you are my soul mate, the love of my life.”

“Oh...” The word came out as a sigh and I melted. The kiss we shared then was like nothing I had ever experienced. Physically we did nothing that we had not done a thousand times before but that time... that time there was a whole new dimension that transported me to heaven.

Without conscious thought my hands disentangled themselves from his hair and stroked down over his chest to slide up under his shirt. It was so good to touch his soft skin, to feel his heart beating fast under my hand. At the same time he tugged up my tshirt and his long nimble fingers kneaded the muscles on my back. It felt so good. Very, very gradually I felt the fear release me, the stresses and strains of the previous days simply vanished under his touch.

Lost in the joy of his touch I deepened the kiss and pressed my body against him, trapping my hands between us, the fingers digging into his chest. His breathing quickened and he shifted his body sideways so that he was lying down with me on top. I rolled slightly to the side, supported on his arm and my hands, freed wandered lower.

Daniel murmured in appreciation of my caresses and raised his hips, pressing them into mine. And then I found myself on the floor.

“Wha...?” I sat up, slightly dazed. Daniel looked completely shocked. He didn’t, as I would have expected, apologise or reach out to help me up, he just stared at me with a dazed expression on his face.

“Well, help me up then. Why’d you drop me? That hurt.”

“I...” Snapping out of his trance Daniel stuck out his hand to help pull me to my feet. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. Um... maybe... maybe my arm went to sleep.”

“You didn’t drop me, you threw me. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know... muscle spasm? You have to admit that this settee isn’t exactly the most comfortable.”

“I give you that. Never mind. Where were we?”

Daniel stretched and, much to my disappointment, got to his feet. “I was thinking that I really need to go to the loo. Maybe it was my bladder that subconsciously flung you off before it exploded.”

“Eeew. You are gross.”

He grinned. “Of course. That’s what you love about me.”

“Daniel Owen I love a lot of things about you but being given the image of your bladder exploding when I am lying on it is not one of them.”

Still grinning Daniel stalked from the room and I sat back on the sofa grinning to myself, a huge grin, like a Cheshire Cat. Daniel was back. At last Daniel was back.

Daniel took ages in the toilet and I was about to go back and check if he was okay when he came out of the kitchen carrying two steaming mugs. I have to admit I was disappointed as I had been expecting to carry on where we left off. Nevertheless I took the coffee and shifted over on the settee. Daniel threw himself artfully into the chair across the table from me.

“Hey... what do you think you are doing? Come back over here.”

Daniel grinned. “I wasn't joking, that settee really is uncomfortable. Why don’t you come over here?”

His grin was feral and I immediately put the coffee down on the table. It went cold, forgotten. I practically vaulted the table and threw myself into his arms. It was absolute heaven to feel his lips on mine, his strong arms around me, stroking my back. When I had kissed him until my lips felt bruised I snuggled in to his shoulder and I could feel him smile as he stroked my hair and dropped gentle kisses on the top of my head.

“I’m so glad you’re safe. I have been so scared... Weren’t you?”

“Was I scared?” His voice was thoughtful. “No, not really. Most of the time I was... busy, and I always knew you would come. I never doubted it for a moment. It was just a matter of waiting.”

“Were you really that sure of me? I could have been in the same situation myself. They tried it. The day you didn’t turn up... the Rev Shaw and his... helpers... did. They said they just wanted to ‘talk’. They said they were going to take me to you, that you were happy to... I legged it out the back and kept on running until I lost them. I was so scared. I’m not brave like you.”

“Not brave? Fuck Josh... what do you think brave is? It’s nothing to do with not being scared. It’s everything to do with being scared shitless but doing the right thing anyway. And you did the right thing... all the way. You saved me... in every way. I love you Josh.”

I tilt my head up and look into his face. He has never looked so beautiful. This is a perfect moment and I am perfectly happy, perfectly content... just perfect.

Daniel smiled gently and dropped his head to kiss me again, gently at first but getting more urgent, more demanding, more hungry and I responded, my heart lifting, my mind opening, my body tingling.

“What say you we move to somewhere more comfortable?” Daniel’s words were whispered against my ear and the sensations both of the physical tickle of his breath and the sweet promise in the words made me shiver and tremble.

“Not the sofa?”

“No... the bedroom.”

He didn’t have to ask twice. I practically vaulted off his lap and crashed into the table spilling coffee which neither of us even considered pausing to mop up. I was already pulling off my shirt as we climbed the stairs and in no time flat I was flat on my back on the bed, completely naked watching Daniel take his time to undress, knowing how much it turned me on to watch him.

Smiling a secret, soft smile Daniel climbed onto the bed and stretched languorously on his back next to me, his arms over his head. I moved closer, turning onto my side and began to stroke his face. He closed his eyes and smiled, such a sexy smile. I continued to stroke him, glorying in the beauty, the soft silky skin... over his cheek, along his jawline, down his throat to his shoulder. Every line, every curve was perfect, just perfect. My heart was full and, as Daniel could no doubt tell, my cock hard with nothing more than the sight and smell of him. He didn’t even need to touch me.

When my fingers reached his nipple I tweaked playfully and finally got a reaction out of him. He trapped my hand and flipped over so that he was lying across me, his face buried in the curve of my shoulder, licking and nibbling my neck. He let go of my hand and reached down to stroke me. At first he satisfied himself with long, gentle strokes along my hip and side. But he was too hungry and it didn’t take him long to move around to grasp my shaft with cool firm fingers. I shuddered and moaned, sorry that my arm was pinned under me so I could not return the compliment. A moment later I forgot about pleasuring Daniel and melted into the bed, moaning softly as his hand movements became more determined.

I shivered, my hands clawing at the bed. Daniel shifted slightly, his warm skin, slick with sweat sliding over my own as, still stroking me with long sure strokes, he captured my lips and stole my breath. I whimpered into his mouth as his stroked grew longer and faster and I began to shake, raising my hips into his hand.

At first I returned his kiss but as the pressure grew within me my eyelids fluttered and all of the stress and suffering of the previous days flowed into the tightening knot in my belly making it impossible to think, to act, to move. My whimpering became more guttural and Daniel laughed softly as, without missing a beat he ran his thumb over the head of my cock and all of the tightness was released in a explosive climax so intense that, for the first time ever I felt darkness pressing at the edges of my consciousness and I thought I was actually going to faint.

I didn’t but, when it was over, I couldn’t move. I lay spent and shivering, completely replete. Daniel released my lips and slid down to close his around my, by then flaccid member and fastidiously licked it clean, before moving upwards licking and kissing me so that by the time he reached my mouth I was on my way to being hard again. When he kissed me he tasted of salt and... me.

Recovering I push Daniel away, rising with him, still joined at the lips. When he was on his back I moved my hand, from where it was buried in his hair and ran it down over his chest. He shivered, sighing, his lips curling into a smile against mine. Spreading my fingers I turned my hand and moved it downwards reaching for.....

Unexpectedly Daniel heaved upwards, throwing me off so violently I actually rolled right off the bed and landed with a bump on the floor. Shocked I sat there for a moment, shaking my head. Daniel’s face appeared over the edge of the bed. He looked as shocked as I felt.

“What the fuck?”

“Sorry. Cramp.”

“Cramp? Next time a little warning would be nice. This is the second time you’ve dumped me on the floor today and I would prefer not to make it a hat trick.” Daniel grinned and reached out his hand helping me haul myself to my feet.

“Hurry, I’m getting cold, in more ways than one.” Mirroring his grin I climbed up onto the bed then jumped on him, pinning him to the bed and ground my lips down onto his, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. If he wanted to play rough, two could play that game. At the same time I reached down and grabbed his cock. His body went stiff and then he began to squirm under me, grunting and moaning. I smiled inwardly, glad to be giving him so much pleasure after all he had given me.

Daniel started to struggle harder and it excited me so much that I deepened the kiss even further and dug my fingers into his belly. He was panting, breathing in short sharp bursts and his body was tense as a bow under me, shaking and writhing and it excited me more and more, so that I was hard as a rock against him, the pressure in my gut driving me nuts so that I was squirming as much as he was.

He brought his hands up and pressed them against my chest but he had no strength and that made me smile, momentarily breaking the seal of our kiss. Daniel made a strange choking, moaning sound and jerked his head away.

“No. Josh no.”

At first I didn’t register his words, at least not their meaning but when my lips tried to find his again he twisted away from me and I tasted salt. Raising my head I was horrified to find that his face was twisted as if in pain and he wasn’t panting he was sobbing. I immediately released him and he rolled away from me, curling in a ball with his back to me, moaning as if in pain.

“Daniel? Daniel what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? I’m sorry if I....” I put a hand on his shoulder and he jerked away from me with a cry, curling even tighter into himself.

“Daniel. Daniel, what’s wrong? Please baby, what’s wrong?”

He was completely unable to speak, panting and moaning, so I thought that he was dying. I thought I had hurt him. I thought I had done something terrible and that now he was dying and it was all my fault. It’s strange the things that go through your head at times like this.

I had no idea what to do. I was terrified. I was afraid to touch him in case it caused him pain again and so I just knelt there on the bed, crouching over him, praying to someone, something for help.

Gradually Daniel started to calm down. The moaning quieted, the shaking eased, the sobs turned to hiccups, to silent weeping, to a strange silent stillness.

“Daniel?” Hesitantly I laid my hand on his shoulder and was heartened when he did not pull away. “Daniel what’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer and I became bolder, curling in behind him and taking him in my arms. For a long time he simply lay there, stiff and cold but then I gradually felt him relax and eventually he slowly uncurled and turned throwing his arms around me and holding on tight, so tight.

“Please Daniel, please tell me what’s going on. Did I hurt you? Did I do something... please?”

Slowly, oh so slowly Daniel pulled back slightly and raised his head to look into my eyes. His face was streaked with tears and horribly pale. I was scared all over again.

“Daniel?”

I think he must have seen my fear because he seemed to make an enormous effort to pull himself together and even tried his best to smile. It came out as a grimace. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then closed it again and shook his head.

“Was it me? Did I do something?”

Daniel shook his head and tried again to smile. He closed his eyes then opened them again. “It... wasn’t you.”

“Then what? What happened? You looked as if you were in pain. Are you hurt? Are you ill?”

“I... don’t know.”

“I don’t understand.”

He took a huge shuddering breath which he let out in a shaky sigh. Then he rolled over onto his back and lay for a while staring up at the ceiling, his eyes wide and very, very blue. My arm was draped across his chest and he, almost unconsciously, toyed with my fingers. He was calm now.

“I think... I think they did something to me. I remember... I...” He stopped, turning his head to look at me his eyes the only colour in his pale face. “Touch me Josh.”

I knew what he meant without having to have more direction. Slowly I tugged my hand out of his fingers. At first they resisted slightly as if he was afraid to let me go but then he released me and I ran my hand down over his chest, feeling the muscles bunch and tense under my fingers. As it ran over his belly he jerked and grunted. I withdrew my hand and he shook his head, his teeth gritted and a fine sheen of sweat breaking out all over him.

“Go on.” The words were ground out and I didn’t want to go on. In truth, I wanted to run, but there was something in his eyes that held me and I lay my hand back down on the hot skin, it shuddered. As gently as I could I ran my hand over his tight abdomen, watching his face as it twisted. He was clearly suffering, gritting his teeth, his eyes turning inwards and his body beginning to shake.

“Daniel. Babe. It’s only me. Whatever’s going on inside your head it’s not real. It’s only me.”

Daniel growled deep in his throat and his back arched; his eyelids were fluttering and I was afraid he was going to have a fit or something. I couldn’t go on and snatched away my hand, laying it instead on his face, stroking the hot damp skin, smoothing the soft hair, whispering comfort as tears streamed down my face.

Still shaking Daniel reached up and pulled me down into his arms, holding on tight until the shaking stopped. It took a long time.