Dangerous Liaisons - 18. Chapter 18

We were late down for breakfast, or perhaps we were early for lunch. Kate and Jake were in the living room watching television. They both looked up and grinned when we entered and I blushed deeply. Daniel had quite recovered his equilibrium by now and he simply grinned.

“You look better.”

“I feel great.”

“How does the hand feel?”

“It’s killing me but that’s a pain I can live with.”

“You don’t have to live with it. Let me take a look.” While Kate was taking care of Daniel in the kitchen I shared a companionable time with Jake; mostly, it has to be said, in complete silence. After what we had already shared we had passed very quickly to that stage of a friendship where there is no need for words and no such thing as uncomfortable silences. Life was good.

After dinner we said our goodbyes and walked hand in hand back to Charlie’s. The look on his face when he opened the door was priceless. He said nothing and neither did we. His eyes moved between us then filled with tears that spilled down his cheeks as he hugged us.

Daniel never told Charlie all the details of what had happened. Charlie was a good friend, a great friend but he was what he was and there are certain things he would never have been able to accept. However, he did tell him enough to have him on the edge of his seat and, by the end, gazing at Daniel with open mouthed hero worship. Charlie always liked a good drama and had never made a secret of how he still felt for Daniel.

If it had been anyone else I might have been jealous but Charlie was... well Charlie. I knew that Daniel loved him in his way... hell so did I, he was that kind of person... but he was no threat to me and neither would he ever want to be.

It was very tempting to stay hidden away in Charlie’s safe haven, to spend all our time lost in each other, making love, making friends... but it couldn’t last and it was Charlie who burst the bubble on the very same afternoon we arrived.

“Have you called your parent to let them know you’re okay?”

Daniel went suddenly very still and quiet, paling. “Oh hell.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I forgot them. Can you believe that I actually forgot about my own parents? Fuck... they must be frantic eh?”

“They were the last time I spoke to them.”

Daniel looked at Charlie in surprise. “You’ve been talking to my parents?”

“You made me promise not to tell them where you were, not to not talk to them at all. It would have been cruel to not at least have told them you were still alive, still relatively okay.”

“I...see... So did you tell them you knew where I was?”

Charlie squirmed uncomfortably. “They were frantic Daniel, they were insane with worry. I had to tell them something. I couldn’t just let them go on wondering if you were even still alive.”

“No... I suppose not. What did they say?”

“Your father told me to tell you that they were worried about you and that they love you and they are there for you as soon as you feel up to speaking to them.”

“Fuck.” Daniel hung his head. “I feel like crap now. I should go and see them.”

“Right now?”

“If I don’t go now it will just make it harder. I suppose we had better go home anyway. I’ve missed enough university work as it is.”

My heart was soaring. Much as I would also have loved to hole up at Charlie’s for a while, as soon as I stopped being so worried about Daniel, I had started to worry about my work. I was frantically working out in my mind how much time we had left before it was too late to be able to pull back and, frankly, it wasn’t a lot. We had spent almost all of the Easter holidays at my parents and exams started on the 17^th May. It was now already the 11^th.

We said our goodbyes to Charlie and I drove over to Daniel’s parents. We really should have rung but Daniel was so antsy about it we just had to drop everything and go. He fidgeted all the way there in the car, tense and worried.

“Chill out babe. They are not going to eat you.”

“I know... but what am I going to tell them? What the hell am I going to tell them?”

“Tell them you’re alright. Tell them you’re getting better, getting back to normal. It’s all they want to hear.”

Daniel turned to me and smiled, relaxing. “You’re right, as usual. I am getting to be such a drama queen. Charlie has a bad influence on me.”

“More like the other way around recently.”

He laughed and shook his head but the web of tension had been broken and, by the time we reached his house he was pretty much back to normal.

It was about six thirty when we arrived and both cars were in the drive so we knew the whole family was home, probably eating dinner.

“Do you think I should knock?”

“Maybe, on this occasion, it would be a good idea. You might give them a heart attack if you just walk in on them.”

His hand shook as he raised it to the knocker and the few moments we waited for the door to open seemed to stretch endlessly.

It was his mother who answered and, for a moment she froze, staring at him and then she started to cry, calling out for her husband as she took Daniel into a tight embrace pulling him across the threshold. Daniel’s father appeared and hugged him too followed by his sister. All of them were crying, including Daniel and I have to admit I had tears in my eyes too.

After a moment Daniel started to struggle, pushing his parents away as gently as he could. Damn. How many times can I forget that he is hurt?

“What’s wrong?”

Mr Owen looked at his son critically, noticing the bruises and the shadows in his eyes. His mother exclaimed in horror as she too noticed the bruises and the bandage on his hand.

“What happened?”

“Baby, you’re hurt. Come and sit down.”

Ignored, I followed self consciously as Mr and Mrs Owen ushered Daniel into the living room. He threw an apologetic glance over his shoulder and I grinned in response.

Sitting on the sofa next to him Daniel’s mother fussed and insisted on taking a look at his hand. When she saw the wounds she immediately wanted to take him straight to the hospital but both Daniel’s and surprisingly his father’s protestations overruled her.

“The wounds are clearly days old and have been well cared for. There is no point in dragging us all down to the hospital now. Are you ready to tell us what happened?”

“I... It’s a long story.”

Daniel’s parents and his sister sat in silence while he told the story. I knew it was a well watered down version, which skated over the very surface of how the injuries to his hand and arm had been sustained, but I could understand why and kept silent. When he had finished his mother drew him into her arms in silence and just held him gently while tears streamed unhindered down her face. His father’s face was grim and, at first I had a terrible feeling that he was angry with Daniel, or that he saw more than what Daniel had told.

For the first time he turned to me and, without a word embraced me.

“I’m sorry Josh.”

“Sorry? What for?”

“For not trusting you and including you sooner. If I had made Daniel see you and not the psychologist in the first place then, perhaps none of this would ever have happened.”

“But maybe it would have been worse. Dad... at that time I wasn’t ready to see anyone. That shrink was a twat, a well meaning twat but a twat nevertheless. He made things worse, yes but they were heading that way anyhow. I needed that. I needed to hit rock bottom before I could get back up. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame anyone.”

“You’re a stronger man than I am Daniel.”

“No I’m not, that’s ridiculous. You’re my hero. The strongest man in the world. You’re my role model and my idol so can we please get out of the blame game before we start in on it. It happened, it’s over. I’m not better, not by a long way. There’s a lot going on inside that I need to deal with and it’s going to take time, I know that. But I’m back on track and I want to get back to normal as quickly as I can.” He turned to his mother and gently wiped away her tears. “And normal is NOT walking on eggshells and blaming yourselves every time you look at me. I’m fine... at least I am going to be... thanks to Josh.”

Everyone’s eyes were on me then and I started to burn with embarrassment. Mrs Owen reached out her hand to me and pulled me down beside her. She turned her head back and forth between me on one side and Daniel on the other.

“My two boys.” She said and the love and pride in her voice made my heart soar. The look on Mr Owen’s face said the same thing in silence and I felt as if my heart was going to burst.

I would like to say that it was all plain sailing from there but, of course it wasn’t. There were times when the demon raised its ugly head again and made Daniel cry with pain or even run from the bedroom to vomit. The first time it happened it freaked him completely and he was terrified that it was back for good. But he came back and tried again, and we worked through it; he always came back and little by little the periods between the episodes grew longer and they became less and less severe.

The Shaw trial was a real trial in every sense of the word. He was no longer Rev Shaw, as he had been defrocked, debunked, sacked, excommunicated... whatever you call it. Although several people had come forward about their own experiences in the rehabilitation centre, the police had put a lot of pressure on Daniel to pursue his own charges of kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment and a handful of others including assault. For a long time he had resisted on the basis that there was enough to convict him from the other witnesses but in the end he had caved to the pressure, truly believing it would be a healing and cathartic experience and that he could make a difference in the conviction and sentence.

Of course Shaw pleaded not guilty as he genuinely believed that he was right in what he did, and that meant a full Crown Court trial. It tool place over three weeks in the summer. The press had got hold of the story and blew it up into a whole media circus. We had to have round the clock police protection as we were subject to the media, religious protesters, hate mail... the whole shebang.

For almost four weeks we were basically prisoners in our own home, escorted to and from the courtroom by the police and then sitting in a stifling hot court room listening to hours of testimony that, frankly grew boring after a while.

As the time for Daniel to give evidence drew near he became more and more withdrawn and silent. He didn’t sleep, he barely ate and I couldn’t get near him. I often woke to hear him sobbing in the night, or worse moaning with pain and all I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold him until he grew quiet, although he never fell asleep before I did, if at all.

Everyone was concerned for him and all our friends came to visit, to try and talk to him, to bring him out of the shell he was building around himself. We were frightened, all of us but we never showed it, we put on a brave face and carried on. The night before Daniel didn’t even try to sleep. He sat up all night watching news reports of the trial and the demonstrations that had been going on outside the court room.

There were two separate demonstrations and they had clashed more than once over the week and a half the trial had been going on already. One demonstration consisted of Shaw’s supporters, mainly religious fundamentalists and parents of gay or ‘reformed’ gay children. The other group was made up of gay rights organisations, people to whom this kind of thing had happened, whether at the hands of Shaw or someone else, and many, many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people.

As with all demonstrations they had got heated and there had been some arrests on both sides. The press were having a field day. I was gratified to note that although the press had been pretty much to blame for the whole fiasco, at least they were being fairly even handed in its presentation and in fact seemed fairly sympathetic to Daniel and his fellow witnesses. Nevertheless I knew that Daniel was worried, even though he was saying nothing.

“Don’t you want to have something to eat? You haven’t eaten all day.”

“No.”

“You’re going to pass out in the box tomorrow if you don’t have something to eat.”

“I’ll be alright.”

“Please babe. Just have a piece of toast. Something, anything.”

“No.”

“Can I make you some hot chocolate then? With sugar and marshmallows.”

Without answering Daniel got up and walked out of the room. Although I felt hurt I knew that he’d had to do it, just as I had had to try and take care of him. I sat in the living room staring at the television screen for hours but Daniel never came back. When I went to bed he wasn’t there. I think he sat in the garden. It was a nice night but not that nice. It crossed my mind to go look for him but in the end I didn’t.

The evidence giving was a nightmare. I died inside listening to Daniel telling the story of what happened to him at the clinic. He had never really spoken to me about it and, although his delivery was calm and unemotional I could feel the unspeakable horror, particularly of the last day.

I was so proud of him. He was completely calm and steady the whole time and, even when he was cross examined by the barrister representing Shaw he kept firm to his story and answered even the most difficult questions with alacrity and grace. It wasn’t until he came out of the witness box and was walking back to my side, when Shaw leaped to his feet and started shouted obscenities at him and the whole of the balcony of the court erupted with much of the same, that I saw him crack and fail.

His eyes were everywhere, taking in the angry protestors and the even angrier supporters, the flash of press cameras... which were not supposed to have been there, the angry words of the judge seeking order, the jostling of the security guards who barged him out of the way to get to Shaw and his followers. The whole place went crazy and, so it seemed to me Daniel was right in the middle of it, the focus of all that emotion, being buffeted by it. For an instant our eyes met and he looked so dazed, so vulnerable that I just couldn’t sit there. Before I knew it I was out of my seat, leaping over people and barriers to get to him. I was just in time. As I reached him he looked up at me as lost and frightened as I have ever seen him. He was completely overwhelmed and it was no surprise when his eyes rolled his knees buckled and he folded to the floor.

I was a little too late but someone was there before me. I was utterly shocked to find that it was my father. He gave me a strange look and the scooped Daniel up in his arms and began to barge through the crowd. I followed in his wake feeling stunned and slightly unreal.

There was no way we were going to make it out of the courtroom as the crowds outside were howling. In the foyer we paused until someone wearing a black robe appeared out of nowhere and, taking my father by the arm ushered us along a corridor and into a room. The room was bare but grand. It had a long oak table and a few chairs, clearly some kind of conference room.

Along one side, under a large bay window was a chesterfield couch and my father laid Daniel on it. He was already beginning to stir, moaning softly, his eyes flickering.

“Are you alright babe?”

Opening his eyes Daniel stared at me without comprehension for a moment and then he nodded and sat up, groaning.

“What happened?”

“You fainted.”

“No, not that. I mean what happened in there? It all went mad.”

“It’s still going on.”

Daniel blinked and ran his hand through his hair then looked around with a dazed expression still on his face.

“How did I get here?”

“My Dad.”

I looked up but my father wasn't looking at me, he was looking at Daniel and there was that same strange expression on his face that he’d worn when he looked at me in the courtroom.

Daniel smiled brightly. “Thank you Mr Stearn.”

My father stared at him, his lips compressed and his eyes very bright. In the end he nodded once and said tersely.

“You alright now?”

“Yes, I’m fine thank you. It was just... it all got too much.”

“And you haven’t eaten a proper meal for days.”

Daniel smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Yeah, and that.”

“Can I have a word with you?” My father turned to the man who had brought us into the room; it was the barrister who was prosecuting the case. The man looked surprised but nodded and they left together.

We stayed in that room for the rest of the afternoon. Our friends and family found us there one by one and filled us in on what had happened. It seems that my father had decided to put forward his own evidence about their part in what had happened to Daniel.

For a while there was argument about whether the evidence was admissible, and then about whether my parents should be arrested for withholding evidence but it all worked out in the end.

After that day Daniel couldn’t bring himself to go back to the courtroom so, of course, neither did I, but our friends and family brought us news and on the final day, after the summing up the judge specifically commended the bravery of the young men who testified before he handed the matter over to the jury to decide.

Surprisingly it took the jury the best part of two days to bring in a verdict but it was a unanimous one in the end. Apart from a few of the minor charges Shaw was found guilty on every count and, so we heard, the entire courtroom erupted again and a number of people were arrested. Fighting broke out both inside and outside the court and there were a number of injuries in both camps... and to the press.

After the verdict the matter was adjourned for pre sentencing reports and the whole thing was prolonged even further but, in the end Shaw got a heavy prison sentence and very gradually the fuss and furore died down leaving just the two of us... picking up the pieces yet again.

It took a long time for Daniel to completely recover from that. The demon raised its head again and, at one point was worse than before. Seeing Daniel begin to slide into depression again was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced. Fortunately this time there was Sue. The moment I became concerned I called Kate and she arranged for Sue to come round. She shut herself in the room with Daniel for an hour and almost immediately he began to recover his spirits.

Sue called round maybe four or five times over the next couple of months and each time Daniel got back a piece of himself until he was back on top again. I can never be grateful enough to her for what she did with him.

All that was more than two years ago now. Daniel is completely over the whole thing and back to his old self. It has been a long hard road and there have been other times when I was afraid, so very afraid that, even after everything we had been through I was going to lose him after all. But the dark times only made us stronger and the future is so bright for us now it is blinding.

We both graduated with excellent degrees and we are the ‘golden couple’. Everyone wants a piece of us and we are moving on to bigger and better things. We are going to move into our own flat next week and in a couple of months we will be starting our Legal Practice Course with training contracts already set up in rival firms so it’s going to be an exciting time.

Right now I am not even thinking about that. I am too nervous to think very much at all. Charlie is fussing around me, straightening my tie, brushing non existent lint off my suit, but I am oblivious. My mind is far away, reliving ever moment of the past three years, every second since I first saw him in the great hall and my life changed forever.

In a moment I am going to walk out of this room, out of my life and into a new one. They are all out there, waiting. Daniel’s family, our friends, Kate, Jake, Sue... even my parents are there although god knows why. I have never truly forgiven them for what they did but we have come to an uneasy truce and my mother in particular has become almost a friend. They are trying hard and I think Daniel accepts them far more than I do. But every time I look into his eyes I see the shadow of what they did and it is impossible to forget, although I have almost managed to forgive.

There are no shadows today, none at all. Today is the brightest day of my life. The sun is shining, blinding me through the window of this tiny little room and I feel as if my heart is about to burst out of my chest. I become aware that someone is talking to me and I turn dazed eyes on Charlie.

“Snap out of it. I’m not having you pass out on me.”

“Don’t worry, there’s no chance of that. I was just thinking.”

Charlie’s face melts into a beatific smile. He is wearing a cherry red suit with sequins around the lapels and pockets, with a pink shirt and sequinned tie. He wanted to wear a dress and Daniel would have let him but it was a little too much for me at such an intensely personal, special time.

“Are you ready?”

“Is Daniel here?”

“He’s outside ‘taking some air’. He’s worse than you are. I know that one of you is going to faint.”

I can’t help but grin. “It’s okay. Sue has medical training.”

Charlie’s grin is cheeky. “That’s good but if anyone gets to do CPR on Daniel, it’s me.”

“Charlie behave yourself. Fancy saying such a thing to a man on his wedding day.”

Charlie adopts a stance of hurt innocence. “Well you wouldn’t let me extend my best man duties to the wedding night so what is a man to do? I’m only human after all and you haven’t seen Daniel today. It would take a will stronger than mine to resist.”

I shiver, my eyes lighting up at the thought. Daniel, being a soppy old traditionalist beneath the surface insisted we spend the night before the wedding apart and I capitulated as I always do. So he has spent the night with Charlie while I spent it with my former housemates. Sure I had a good time but twenty four hours without Daniel is just too much and I am half feverish at the thought of seeing him.

“Come on... let’s get this show on the road. I think we’re fashionably late enough.”

Charlie drags me into the foyer of the register office. There is no one around. He abandons me with the strict admonition to ‘wait’ and I suddenly feel incredibly alone. It doesn’t last long though because it’s only seconds before door opens and Charlie reappears towing Daniel behind him.

Oh God! I have never seen anything like it. I am dazzled, bewildered, astounded, astonished. He is fucking awesome. Like me he is wearing a black formal suit with a lilac shirt and silver waistcoat. Unlike me he has refused point blank to wear a tie and the neck of his shirt it open, showing the silver heart shaped locked I had given him on the last night we spent together. It matches the one that is hidden beneath my shirt, that he gave me the night he proposed.

His hair is even longer now, falling in a shining rainbow torrent to below his shoulders. It is vibrant turquoise and black perfectly matching his eyes which glow with an inner light that makes his whole face shine. I have never seen anything so beautiful, so perfect, so shockingly bright. Slowly he smiles, his eyes as stunned as I am sure mine must be. I still find it hard to believe that he could actually look at me as he does. I am a dandelion next to his sunflower, a lightbulb next to his supernova. And yet... and yet when he looks at me in that way... I feel... I feel... like a God.

Slowly he walks across the floor and stands before me his hands on my shoulders.

“You ready for this?”

“Am I? Oh yeah... so ready.”

“Hmm... not quite.”

“Huh?”

Slowly he lifts my tie, undoes it and drops it on the floor. Then he undoes the top two buttons of my shirt and lays a finger on the locket now revealed. It contains a lock of his hair... as his does mine.

Lifting his eyes to mine he smiles a slow sexy smile. “Now you’re ready.”

I stare into his eyes and am startled by the colour as I have been every time I have looked into them before. There is an electricity between us, a breathless kinetic energy that possesses me and if I die now, right here in his moment, I die utterly and absolutely content.

Charlie bounces between us like a great red setter and grabs an arm each. “I would say ‘get a room’ but I think you have other things to do first. Come ON you guys.”

We are practically towed towards the large double doors which suddenly burst open, spilling out light and laughter until, suddenly, as all eyes turn to us, a silence falls, a silence filled with a love that is almost holy. As we walk past the rows of chairs each one containing a face that has contributed something to the story of our lives together all the pieces slot into place and I am complete.