Dangerous Liaisons - 2. Chapter 2

True to his word Daniel made no demands on me at all. He lounged on the battered sofa, glowing like a jewel and talked. He also listened when I talked which, for me, was a first. He made me feel that he was genuinely interested in what I said. He seemed to understand.

I told him about my family, my childhood, my struggle to find an identity in an environment where individuality was not encouraged. I was a good boy, a god fearing boy, a helpful and polite boy... just like all the other good little girls and boys who attended our church, went to our youth group, organised socials, sang in the choir, sank into the anonymity of the religious community.

Unfortunately I realised very early on that, although I enjoyed the social aspect, the religious dogma repelled me. When I was very young I questioned everything but I was a clever child and soon learned that my parents, friends and religious leaders were not the kind of people who took kindly to their faith being challenged and so I read everything I could get my hands on, drove the teachers at school insane with my questions and came to the conclusion that the religion was a hollow one, the rotting shell of something which had failed to fade when it’s god died years ago.

I had lived a lie for a very long time and it was hard to come out from under that lie even now. Daniel seemed to understand this effortlessly which made me curious about his past, his life.

“So what about you? You don’t look as though you have ever been assailed by a moment’s doubt in your life.”

He smiled. “Maybe a moment.”

“Seriously. Have you always known you were gay?”

“Pretty much.”

“Have you...? I mean have you had ... you know....”

“Relationships? Boyfriends? Sex?”

“Um...”

“Yes to all three.”

“Oh.”

Daniel laughed. “You are such an innocent aren’t you? I feel ridiculously old and ... I don’t know. I feel like I am corrupting you.”

“Is that a problem?”

He laughed again. “Not for me.” He sobered. “Do you really want me to tell you all about my past adventures?”

“No. Tell me about yourself, your family, who you are.”

“Who I am? I’m just me. What you see is what you get. I’m pretty uncomplicated really.”

“No you’re not.”

“Whatever. I’m the middle child of a family of five children. All the rest are pretty normal and my parents never really knew quite what to do with me. They loved me, never rejected me or anything like that... they accept me as I am but... I don’t know... half the time when they look at me they are kind of... unfocussed.

“My brothers and sisters are cool. They’re all damned straight... in every sense of the word... but they are absolutely fine with everything I am, everything I do. They are very supportive and protective. Thanks the gods they have no idea of half the things I’ve got up to... any of them.”

“So what kind of things have you got up to?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Yes... yes I would. It would be like living a life vicariously, gaining memories of exciting times... I’ve never had any. My only taste of excitement has been outwards bound courses with the church where we end the days singing hymns and Christian songs and telling each other how great we are.”

“Hmm... maybe it would be better if you didn’t know about the worst of my excesses. I wouldn’t want to scare you.”

“You already scare me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that you are so... sure of everything.”

“Not everything.”

“Okay... tell me one thing you are not sure of.”

“One thing?”

“Just one thing.”

“Okay...” He was sitting cross legged on the floor next to my head. I was lying on the sofa. He twisted around, resting his elbow on the edge of the sofa and his head on his hand, looking into my eyes. “You. I’m not sure of you.”

“Me? I’m a simple uncomplicated person.”

“Yeah right.” He sobered and then reached out and touched my hair. “You are so beautiful but you have no idea that you are.” I tried to look away but he put his hand at the side of my face, drawing me back. “You are. Me... I know I’m nice to look at and I make the most of it, exploit it when I can... but you... everything about you is understated but despite that, maybe because of that, your beauty shines through.

“From the very first moment I saw you, you’ve been on my mind. I’ve had ‘adventures’ before... seduced and been seduced by strangers, embarked on wild affairs with the most unlikely of people. I lost my virginity at fourteen to a forty five year old drag queen who worked in the local gay bar. He taught me to apply make up and to see behind the masks people present to the world. I was in love with him for a while and I think he is still in love with me. We are and always will be friends.

“I have grown to be more discerning in my choice of partner but, thanks to Charlie, I have never had any doubts in my ability to attract men, or to please them, or to allow myself to be pleasured by them. I have few inhibitions, fewer illusions and a whole lot of confidence in myself. Not because I think I’m particularly special but because I know who I am, what I am and have no fear of anyone being able to take that away from me so rejection doesn’t touch me.

“I’ve been turned down, betrayed, spurned, all the usual but none of it has ever touched me, never shaken me because I am so firm in my belief in myself. And then I met you. That first look, those fabulous eyes, I... for the first time I felt... I don’t know... doubtful, afraid... because I wasn’t sure of you. I wasn’t sure of anything about you. I wasn’t sure you were gay. I wasn’t sure you would be interested in me. I wasn't sure you wouldn’t laugh in my face. And for the first time it mattered.

“I... like I said I’ve been turned down before and it’s never particularly bothered me. But I felt... I don’t know... I felt that I could fall into your eyes and never be seen again and I wanted... no I longed to see... something there, something... I wanted to see you looking at me like you’re looking at me now and I was terrified that what I would see was scorn, rejection, distaste... which ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, wouldn’t touch me... but from you...

“God I’m babbling. You see what you do to me? So, in answer to your question... you are something I am not sure of... and I’m still not sure. I’m not sure how you feel... about me, about being gay, about life, about anything. And I want to. I want to know everything about you, to be sure about every gesture, every glance. I want to be sure that you... that you... like me.”

“Like you? I... I’m.... you’ve turned my world upside down. To be completely honest I don’t know how I feel: about you, about anything?”

“Are you still afraid of me?”

“Afraid? I’m terrified. Of you, of what you represent, of what you make me feel.”

“What do I make you feel?”

“You make me feel that... that... You make me feel that if you walk out of my life right now it would be over. You make me feel that my entire life so far has been leading up to the moment I first set eyes on you and that it is now holding it’s breath, that I am holding my breath. You’ve swept me off my feet and I... I’m foundering in a strange land and you’re my only landmark.”

“You’re very poetic.”

“Am I? If I am it’s because you’re my muse.”

“A muse? I’ve never been called a muse before. I like it.”

“Good. There you are then; from this moment on you are officially my muse.”

“That’ll do for a start... but I want more. I want to be so much more.”

The light heartedness fell away from his face and his eyes grew serious. Leaning forward slowly, so slowly as if he was afraid I was going to bolt he stopped when our faces were inches apart. His eyes were luminous, intensely blue and intensely... intent. His lips were slightly parted and I was already breathless at the promise of their touch. He needn’t have worried. I couldn’t have moved if my life had depended on it. I was frozen, lost in him, this incredible creature, this siren, this god.

There must have been something in my eyes that betrayed what I was feeling because he smiled and sealed the deal. As before his lips were soft and strong, his touch gentle at first, just a brush across my mouth that sent my senses spiralling and my soul screaming for more. Then, as the kiss deepened they grew firmer more directive , suddenly, shockingly he took my bottom lip between his teeth and tugged gently, teasingly.

I moaned, a sound that was dragged from the innermost recesses of my soul and, before I was even aware of moving I was keeling in front of him on the floor, my hands buried in his hair, his around me, holding me, pressing me against him. I could feel his heart beat, taste smokiness on his breath, not as if he had been smoking a cigarette but as if his soul was made of fire and I was breathing in the smoke from his flames.

Slowly, ever so slowly Daniel pressed me back against the sofa, and moved his lips from mine to trace a line from the corner of my mouth to my ear and down my neck to the place where my pulse throbbed with the rhythm of my racing heart. By the time he got there I was lost. My head was pressed back against the sofa and my back was arched. I was breathing fast and my heart was trying to burst out of my chest.

Still kissing my neck Daniel tugged my shirt free of my trousers and before I knew it, it was lying in a heap on the floor next to me. Moments later Daniel’s was beside it and I was laying my hands on the soft smoothness of his bare chest. He wasn’t particularly muscular but he was toned, every group of muscles defined, every curve perfect. I had to close my eyes because I just couldn’t bear to look any more... it was too much... too much perfection. Daniel continued his slow exploration from my neck to the base of my throat, over my collarbone and onto my chest.

When he took my nipple into his mouth and gently bit my body spasmed and I moaned, the sound torn from my throat without consciousness. Daniel tightened his arms around me and lifted me. Suddenly I was lying on the floor my back arched, pressing against his body, straining towards him as he ran his tongue over a nipple that was so hard it was almost painful, but in a good way, a very good way.

Daniel raised his head and looked down at me, his eyes dark, his wild hair glowing in the light of a stray sunbeam. He was panting, his pupils dilated so wide his eyes were almost black.

“Do you want to stop?”

Want to? Maybe. Able to? No way. My only response was to bury my hands in his hair and yank down his head pressing his lips to mine. Taken by surprise he overbalanced and landed on me hard, driving what little breath I had out of my body. I felt as though I was going to pass out but he lifted himself up and slid down my body, nudging my nipple with his nose before he carried on moving downwards.

I was suddenly acutely aware that he was lying between my legs, his abdomen pressed against my crotch which was showing it’s appreciation in it's own way. I felt as though I was going to burst my trousers. Almost as if he read my mind his hand slid between us and with worrying expertise released my belt buckle.

Raising himself slightly Daniel, with agonizing slowness, tooth by tooth tugged down the zip and slid his hands inside, over my hips. I raised myself and my trousers slide down. Now there was only a piece of thin cotton between us and I was desperate to remove it. I reached down but Daniel captured my hand and slammed it backwards pinning my wrist to the floor behind my head.

With more force than he had ever used with me before he kissed me, wildly, savagely, his tongue taking possession of me as he brushed his fingers over my straining pants . I would have gritted my teeth if I hadn’t been afraid of biting him. I did cry out, a strange primal grunt that was wrenched from me almost painfully. This was unbearable. He knew exactly what he’s doing to me, I could feel him smile as, with excruciating slowness he slid his hand between my legs cupping my balls, gently massaging them, the cotton of my boxers sliding over the hot swollen skin only adding to the intense pleasure.

My back was arched so far my spine creaked in complaint and I was trembling all over, moaning with pleasure and pain. Suddenly Daniel raised his head and he was magnificent, terrifying.

“Last chance.”

I growled at him, actually growled, like beast and I tried to raise myself to take possession of his mouth again. He laughed at me and pushed me back, sliding down my body to rest his face against my belly. I could feel him inhaling deeply, breathing in my scent and it almost sent me over the edge right there and then. By then I was gritting my teeth, my jaw aching with the tension. I closed my eyes and the darkness behind them pulsed red.

The touch of cool air on my throbbing cock was incredible. Daniel paused allowing me to fully experience the feeling of freedom, the movement of air over the hot skin. It took a while before I realised he was blowing gently on it and when I did I melted, thrusting my hips upwards. I was in agony, desperate for release but at the same time wanting to hold on to this moment, this bliss. The suspense was killing me.

When the tip of Daniel’s tongue touched me my eyes flew open and my body convulsed. It was so unexpected, so intense. He raised his head and grinned at me, licking his lips. I stared at him and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. He was awesome, a god, a wild primal god. Slowly, deliberately he lowered his head and lapped the pearls of moisture from me then he slid upwards and pressed his lips against mine, depositing my own salty seed into my mouth. It was the taste of heaven and I thought I was going to pass out.

When Daniel’s mouth removed from mine I lay shuddering and panting as his weight lifted from me. I panicked. I thought he was going to leave me, abandon me and I couldn’t bear the thought. But it was only for a moment, because then his lips closed around me, his hand gently massaging my balls as he slowly took me into his mouth.

Ridiculously, painfully slowly he moved up and down, his tongue flicking over the tip as he did so, sending stabs of electricity through my loins with every touch. Every burst, every stroke built the feelings of incredible pressure that was, in equal measure pain and pleasure until my whole being was possessed by it. My body was straining, every muscle taut as a wire, every sinew like a guitar string ready to pop.

It began to feel as though I would tear apart, my body unable to contain the sensations, the pressure that was building. Strange, guttural sounds were emanating from my throat over which I had no more control than I did over my fingers which were clawing at the carpet beneath me, or my cock which was jumping and jerking as if it had a life of it's own separate from mine.

And then came a moment when I knew, I knew for certain that I just couldn’t bear it any longer, that my body could not hold on for another instant and would have to release or burst. Almost as if he knew too, as if he could read my mind, Daniel withdrew my cock from his mouth and, instead grasped it firmly in his hand continuing his rhythm with long slow strokes as he snaked up my body so that when, a moment later the orgasm hit me, slamming me back against the carpet, it spurted between us, skin on skin, slick with fluids, sliding, one over the other prolonging the sensations, making me cum over and over until, on the edge of darkness he released me and raised himself up, staring down at me, his hips pressed against mine, his eyes shining.

Gasping I lay there, shivering, trembling inside and out, unable to move, to speak, to think. I was aware of nothing but the sensations that were still rippling through me, the smell of him, the sight of him, the touch of him. He invaded my senses, dominated my being. In that instant I was his, wholly his, body and soul, forever.

“Daniel.”

His name was like a prayer, like a plea, like a song. He smiled at the way it sounded, trembling on my lips, floating in the air above them.

“Josh.” On his lips my name, whispered though it was, was a thunderclap, rebounding through the universe, calling the gods in challenge, in beauty, in love.

“Fuck.” Suddenly I began to cry. I don’t know why. I was overwhelmed, too full, too....

“Hey. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Are you.... are you...?”

“Daniel.” It was all I could say. He was so beautiful, so painfully beautiful and... and I was... “I...”

“Are you sorry? Are you sorry we...?”

“No! God no, no never... never.” His beautiful eyes which had been so worried, so uncertain lit up and I pulled him down to kiss him, thinking that I never, ever wanted to stop.