Force of Nature - 1. Chapter 1

It seemed I lived in moments for a while after that night. Like surfacing from a frigid lake just to fall back under. Always brief, sometimes filled with unfamiliar voices talking about things I couldn’t understand. Other times only an alarmingly constant beeping. As more of these came, I started to understand that I was in a hospital. That I wasn’t allowed to completely wake up. Whatever they were giving me hadn’t allowed me to relive that night completely. Only in violent flashes would I remember what happened to me. Then I would hear footsteps, the voices of the nurses, and then nothing until the next one.

I didn’t know how long it lasted. It seemed like forever. Finally though I awakened and I had to wait for my body to remember how to open my eyes before I could. The sterile smell of the hospital and the constant beeping was what I noticed first. The room was dimly lit so my head only ached a little as my eyes adjusted to the light. As I became more aware I began to feel the arm and leg restraints and that my bed was slightly elevated so I wasn’t completely lying down or sitting up.

The room was small; the only furniture was the bed and an uncomfortable cracked leather chair beside it. Everything else was a machine, but the only one left on was the one monitoring my heart rate.

“You’re awake,” a woman said and I could sense the relief in her voice, but it wasn’t one that I knew. “I’m your nurse, Colleen.”

I didn’t say anything, my mouth too dry and my throat too raw. When I didn’t speak she studied me for a few moments, frowning as the silence passed between us. In my mind I knew she was a nurse, someone safe. I wasn’t scared of her. I just couldn’t will myself to form any words.

“I’ll go get Dr. Werth,” she said and quickly turned leaving me alone in the room.

Looking out the window I saw only the side of another building and enough light to know that it was daylight. I had a single room, the small television mounted on the wall opposite the bed was turned off, but there was soft music coming from the hallway beyond my open door. I couldn’t see myself, only one of my arms were uncovered and that was the one that had the I.V. running to it. Grimacing I closed my eyes pushing back the wave of nausea that passed over me at the sight of needles.

“Shoot he’s asleep again,” the nurse said, the suddenness of her voice caused me to jump. “Or not, I’m sorry sir.”

“Nurse Parker, could you bring in some water,” Dr. Werth said, then he closed the door gently behind Colleen as she left. He was a tall, lean man with graying around his temples. He had thick eyebrows and a shadow of a beard. When he noticed me studying the closed door he smiled as he walked over and took a seat in the old leather chair. He had a clipboard and sat it down on a fold out tray stand beside me that was attached to my bed. “Nurse Parker was a little concerned when you didn’t speak, but I believe I know why. So we’ll wait.”

When she returned with a plastic pitcher and a large styrofoam cup she poured some of the water into the cup and sat the pitcher down on the stand as well. Dr. Werth took the cup from her, then I felt my bed begin to move until I was sitting up higher. A jolt of pain through my sides caused me to wince. He looked apologetic as he brought the cup towards me and tilted it slightly when the rim hit my lips. Although the water tasted like chlorine it seemed to flow through my body instantly. Like I had been longing for water for a long time, but didn’t really know it. When he took it away from me I involuntarily leaned towards the cup until another sharp pain caused me to lay back against the bed.

“I’ll go see about his lunch,” Colleen said and stepped out of the room.

“That better?” Dr. Werth asked, his dark brown eyes were crinkled at the edges.

“Yes,” I said, my voice caught between a croak and a whisper.

“So you can talk,” he said, pouring me another glass of water, but he sat it back down on the tray. “If you promise not to thrash or try to stand I’ll release the restraints.”

“Okay,” I said, my voice stronger. Dr. Werth took that as a good enough promise and unbuckled and unsnapped the restraints on my arms then stood and released my legs. Feeling the pressure from the restraints release caused me to sigh. I hadn’t noticed how securely they were fastened until then.

“Why was I restrained?” I asked as he sat back down. He offered me a smile and handed me the cup. I held it in my hand waiting for him to answer.

“Every time you woke up you screamed out and thrashed around,” he answered and I looked down and saw the bruises on my arms now that the sheets had fallen down to my waist. I was wearing a cheap hospital gown.

“I don’t remember that,” I said looking down at my cup. The thought of me waking and not even realizing I was screaming and struggling caused me to feel anxious. It twisted my stomach, and I felt my palms begin to sweat and a chill run through me.

“Breathe, you’re alright,” Dr. Werth said, “I’ll ask you some questions I bet you know the answer to, to get your mind off all this unpleasantness.”

“Alright,” I said, leaning my head back against the pillow.

“What is your name?” He asked as he took out his pen and held up his clipboard ready to write down what I told him.

“Jason Colby,” I answered watching him write that down.

“Middle name,” He asked, glancing over the clipboard at me.

“Andrew,” I responded smiling when he did.

“Date of birth?” He asked, sounding relieved and I wondered just how long they waited to know who I was.

“July Twentieth, 1990,” I answered looking around the room. The emptiness of my room didn’t bother me until I realized no one knew who I was.

“Is there a family member we could call for you?” He asked and I studied him. He seemed to know when I was just about to let the anxiety I felt take over.

“No,” I answered, “there’s not anyone.”

“No?” He asked, his eyes squinting slightly as he looked me over.

“No,” I repeated feeling the weight of my loneliness wash over me. I watched him put down the clipboard, letting it rest on the knee of his crossed leg. It was easy to see that he was surprised by my answer.

“Where do you live?” He asked and I swallowed, my throat feeling dry again. I quickly took a drink of water, but the refreshing feeling didn’t soothe me anymore.

“I’m from Alabama,” I answered, turning to look straight ahead. “There’s no one gonna come up here for me.”

“So you know where you are,” he said, “and you remember what happened?”

“I know I had the shit kicked out of me for eleven dollars,” I answered, turning to look at him. “That someone found me before I blacked out.”

“You are lucky,” he said, “they found you in time.”

“Not really,” I said and his eyes narrowed. “If they had been on the street I might not have been mugged.”

“You suffered blunt force trauma to your head, chest, and sides,” Dr. Werth explained, his tone suddenly clinically careful. He knew the news would upset me. “You had some complicated head injuries and internal bleeding.”

“How long have I been here?” I asked, trying not to think about that night.

“About seven weeks, your ribs are nearly healed,” he answered, offering me a smile. “Your youth and overall health really saved your life.”

“I guess,” I said and the door opened with Colleen pushing it with her foot holding a tray of food and another white styrofoam cup, this one with a plastic cover and a straw.

“Just in time,” Dr. Werth said standing.

“Are you done asking me questions?” I asked and he glanced at Colleen.

“Nurse Parker will finish, I have other patients to check in on. I’ll see you before I leave for the evening,” Dr. Werth answered, then nodded and smiled at Colleen before he left the room closing the door behind him.

“I’m not supposed to tell you this,” Colleen whispered walking over to set the tray in my lap. She took the water from me and handed me the other cup. “You’re lucky you got Dr. Werth the other two are asshats.”

“Really?” I asked laughing at her expression, the pain in my ribs caused me to jump.

“Sorry,” she said, “but yeah, he’s the only one with a soul left I think.”

“Good to know,” I said looking down at the tray of food. It looked like spaghetti, but everything was too uniform, like it came from a can. I grimaced and I heard Colleen laugh.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I snuck across the road to the ice cream shop and bought you a chocolate shake, but you should at least try to eat the toast,” Colleen whispered leaning closer to me. I picked up the toast and smelled a hint of garlic. The crust was hard, but the middle was soggy. At first the reflex to swallow didn’t come naturally. I watched Colleen smile as if expecting it, but after a while my body remembered.

“What other questions does he have on that clipboard?” I asked after taking a sip of the cold shake. It relieved some of the rawness in my throat. I didn’t want to know how they took care of me over the weeks that I was out. I hadn’t seen myself for so long I shuddered thinking about the first time, would I even recognize the face in the mirror? I almost wanted to stand and walk to the bathroom to get it over with, but the I.V. in my arm kept me still.

“Some standard stuff,” Colleen said, picking up the clipboard she looked over it for a few moments then looked back up to me. When she opened and closed her mouth, I could sense what she wanted to ask. She wanted to know why Dr. Werth hadn’t asked the important questions, like who they should call to give notice that I was here. What really happened to me in detail. I could see the curiosity winning on her expression.

“I left home the night I was mugged, I had literally walked the next block over from my shuttle from the airport,” I said and she glanced down at the clipboard finding the spot of the form she needed to write what I was telling her on. “Two or three people, surprised me from behind, I didn’t see their faces.”

“You don’t have to explain that to me in detail, you will have to tell the police though,” Colleen said smiling. “We’ve been able to hold them back because you were unconscious and in no shape to talk, but we won’t now that you’re good and stable.”

“It’s alright, it was just a group of muggers,” I said looking out the window. I leaned back and waited for her next question.

“Who do you want us to call?” She asked and I sighed.

“Nobody,” I answered, “I came all the way from Alabama for a reason.”

“Are you in any trouble?” She asked and I glanced at her smirking. It wasn’t a question on the clipboard, she looked like she was about to apologize, but didn’t.

“No, I’ve lived a pretty damn boring life until now,” I answered, turning back to look straight ahead. “The first time I decide to do anything for myself I end up here, how fucked up is that?”

“Pretty shitty luck,” she said, offering me a smile. She surprised me when she leaned over and patted my arm. “We really do need to call someone or it is likely they won’t let you out of here.”

“Am I even well enough?” I asked and she shrugged.

“Not qualified to say, but you are looking a lot better,” she said, “I can finally see how handsome you are, people never look right when they’re drugged.”

“Or bruised up,” I said and she nodded.

“I’ve not been a nurse for long, they keep telling me to stay professional, not to say things I shouldn’t say and comfort people the way that I do,” she said, “enter the room like you’re meeting an acquaintance not a friend.”

“You don’t really know me,” I countered smiling.

“I’ve watched over you for seven weeks, we’re practically married,” she said rolling her eyes. “I actually wondered what your voice would sound like when you’re calm. Strong and southern.”

“Alabama,” I said, closing my eyes. “You can call my mother, AnneMarie Colby, if she isn’t there hang up.”

“AnneMarie Colby,” Colleen whispered as she wrote down the name. “And the number?”

“I don’t know, I had it saved in my cell,” I said, “just look up Colby Construction.”

“Alright,” she said as she wrote that down.

“Can I ask when I can get rid of the I.V?” I asked, glancing down at the taped over needle in my arm. I could feel the dull sting of the fluid entering my vein and the pull of the tape on my arm. “I really hate needles.”

“Oh, since you’re awake we can start medicating in pill form,” she answered, “I’ll ask Dr. Werth to make sure after I call your mom.”

“Thanks,” I said leaning back against the pillow.

“Here’s the remote that controls your bed,” she said handing me a bulky white remote with a cord attached to the bed somewhere underneath. I pushed the blue button to lay me back more.

“You can tell Dr. Werth that he sucks bringing you in here so I would cooperate,” I said laughing slightly. “I thought I’d never see their faces again.”

“I’m sorry,” she said and I glanced at her to see that she actually looked like she was. “I’ll try to hurry and get that out of your arm.”

“Good,” I said and she smiled as she stood and walked to the door. She turned to say something, but decided against it and opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. I turned to see her disappear as the door slowly closed behind her.

******

True to her word Colleen did hurry. When she came back into my room she smiled and walked around the bed to the stand with the I.V. hanging from it. She grabbed some sterile gloves from a box on a shelf above my bed and I sucked in a breath looking away.

“Count to ten or something,” she offered as she stopped I.V. I sucked in a breath when she touched my arm turning away from her. Then I felt the tug of the needle, quickly replaced with pressure on my arm.

“Get hold of my mother?” I asked turning to look at her as she put a small piece of padding over the spot where I was bleeding and wrapped it up with more of the soft blue tape.

“She is on her way,” she answered, “she sounded pretty worried about you.”

“She would be,” I said rolling my eyes, “she likes putting on a show.”

“Now don’t go running her off when she gets here,” Colleen said patting me on the shoulder. “I don’t know what happened…”

“No, you don’t,” I countered and Colleen jerked her hand away and looked towards the door leading to the hallway.

“I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time.

“I should be more professional,” Colleen said sighing. “It will be my downfall, but I can’t help caring.”

“You’re fine,” I offered smiling. She patted me on the shoulder again. She seemed very motherly, but she had a youthful face. One that made it difficult to know how old the person really was. Her hair was also blonde with highlights.

“I better go. I do have other people to check in on,” she said grabbing the used needle and the I.V. bag. She dumped the needle into the hazardous material box that was hanging beside the door and gave me one last smile before she left.

*****

Dreading Mom’s arrival made the rest of the evening go by in a crawl. Colleen brought my dinner, but couldn’t stay since she had a cart with other people’s food waiting outside. Dr. Werth only came in to tell me that the detective would be by tomorrow morning for questioning.

Moving around was difficult, if I bent too far in any direction a sharp pain, similar to being punched in the ribs would rush over me. One time getting up to go to the bathroom I twisted too far and found myself rushing into the bathroom, as I gagged and vomited more pain shot through me until I slid down to my knees onto the floor. Dr. Werth had told me they were nearly healed. Now I understood why it took so long before I was allowed to wake up.

That night the nightmare came. My mind was finally feeling freer from all the medication. It wasn’t long after I fell asleep that I was walking down the street. Unlike reality though, this street I knew. It was the one I walked everyday to my prep school before I got my license. In real life I would be walking with other kids that lived in the neighborhood. But this time it was dark and I seemed to sense something was wrong well before anything happened. This time I was more aware of what was about to happen and took off running when I heard the whispered command to grab me. I wasn’t fast enough in my dream and when the hooded figure grabbed hold of my shoulder my eyes darted open to the sound of my screaming.

My body was covered in sweat and I was breathing as if I had actually been running. My ribs on my right side were aching. My sheets in tangles around my feet and waist. I was pulling on them and kicking my feet trying to free myself when the door opened and a nurse stepped into the room.

“Those dreams are still happening aren’t they,” she said, not really asking. Her voice sounded old and tired, but the shadows covering her face didn’t allow for me to see her properly. All the light in the room was coming from the outside hallway.

“Yes ma’am,” I answered and she only sighed a little and walked back out the door closing it behind her, I instantly missed Colleen.

I didn’t fall back to sleep after the dream. Instead I turned on the television, but the only things on were news, old reruns and infomercials. Sighing I left it on one of the twenty-four hour news channels hoping the combative arguing of the people on the late show would lull me back to sleep. I closed my eyes. I didn’t really want to sleep knowing, like all those other nights even with the medicine, I was having nightmares. It made me feel anxious and stir crazy, the room smaller and more suffocating than what it really was.

Hospitals never really bothered me. I hadn’t been in many of them over the years. I had never broken a bone or got too sick. The last time I was ever in one was when my grandmother died, but it really wasn’t a hospital, but a hospice retreat. It still had the sterilized smell and look of one. She had been my favorite person in the world. When she died I lost the only person that truly knew me and she took my secrets to the grave. It was a moment of weakness that I ended up miles away from home now. A moment of weakness and anger that landed me here. Here in a cheap hospital room with an uncomfortable bed. The thought nearly haunted me thinking that I still preferred this place to the thought of returning home.

Not wanting to think about the upscale neighborhood just outside of Birmingham, I glanced up at the television screen. I had put off sleep after waking up earlier today. The medications were supposed to help, but it didn’t quiet my brain enough to keep the nightmares away. I wondered how long they would last. The attack had happened so fast and my memory only allowed me to see it in the violent flashes the streetlights on that dark night provided. It was difficult to focus through the pain and I hadn’t noticed much about what was happening to me apart from the beating. I didn’t even really notice when it had stopped. I didn’t feel them take my wallet or hear them leave.

“Fuck,” I hissed my heart hammering in my chest. A cold sweat had rushed over me and I slammed my head back against the pillow. Thinking about it was the wrong thing to do. Knowing that I had to relive it over and over, everyone I met from here on out would want to know. I would be forced to endure this and I wondered just how much of it I could. I wasn’t handling it right now at all. The first night not being heavily medicated and I’m too scared to sleep, knowing as soon as I try I’ll be haunted by the memory of it. It had just happened. It was still fresh in my mind and for some reason my brain wanted it to be in the forefront.

Even after the attack, after I had regained consciousness the thoughts that followed caused me to shudder. I didn’t even want to fight for my life. I had wanted to die, I would have begged for it if I were able to. I wasn’t even relieved after I was found, because I thought it didn’t really matter that I was. I could feel my death with each breath I took. That had to be the worst sort of weakness I ever allowed myself to feel. The most vulnerable. It wasn’t a feeling I ever wanted to feel again. How easily I was willing to give everything up, my entire life. I had already done it before that night, but I had been hopeful that I was to make a new one for myself. It wouldn’t have been anything like I had before though. For the most part I had lived a nice life. It was one of privilege. Most people would have called me an idiot for turning my back on it. I had everything handed to me. I had expectations put on me, but I had handled most of them. I had gone to the best schools and had just graduated after six years. I was about to start work at Colby Construction, just under my father. I was the next in line to take over one of the most successful construction companies in the Southeast.

*****
A few hours later I groaned opening my eyes against the brightness of my room. I had kept the room dim with the only light coming from the bathroom and the window. I didn’t know when I had finally fallen back to sleep, but it didn’t feel like a long time ago.

“You’re awake,” Mom said and I heard the chair groan as she moved around in it. “I’ve been about to explode waiting for you to.”

“It’s not like you to wait,” I said, turning to look at her.

“That pushy nurse told me that I should, Colleen or whatever her name is,” she countered rolling her eyes. She had her purse in her lap and another bag sitting beside her on the floor.

“She’s nice,” I said, “don’t give her any trouble.”

“When it comes to my son, I will,” she said looking around as if she expected a rat or a cockroach to dart across the floor any moment, “that Dr. Werth too, let’s just focus on getting you out of this shithole.”

“It’s not a hotel, they’ll keep me until I’m well enough,” I said leaning back and closing my eyes.

“I don’t really understand why you had to come up here anyway,” she countered shaking her head, “look what good that did, just look around.”

“I know where I am, I’ve been here for over two months,” I said, feeling my face flush. “I’m sorry I wasn’t attacked in a good enough neighborhood for you.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she hissed, “well not really, but if you had been home you probably wouldn’t have been.”

“It happens all over the place,” I said sighing, “I’m sorry to inconvenience you.”

“Inconvenience me,” she screeched and I grimaced, “inconvenience isn’t the half of it, you disappear without a word. Then the next thing I know I get a phone call from that awful nurse.”

“I tried to tell them not to call anyone,” I countered pushing the button so the bed would raise me to a sitting position.

“Why in the world would you do that?” She asked, glaring at me. She clutched her purse closer to her and realized she hadn’t touched me, hadn’t rubbed my arm or took my hand.

“You know why,” I answered and she huffed and sat back in her chair.

“Surrounded by all these damn yankees,” she muttered, glancing down at her watch. “That detective better not keep us long, we have a flight.”

“Are you sure they’ll release me?” I asked looking at her.

“Of course they will if you cooperate,” she answered smiling. “You’re smart enough to want out of this dreadful place.”

“Yeah,” I said, sighing.

“Hit that damn call button,” She ordered looking at the small red call button. I reached over and pressed it knowing she would just do it herself if I hesitated. She didn’t say anything else so we waited in silence for the nurse to come.

When the door opened Dr. Werth entered followed by a man dressed in a suit and Colleen holding a cup and a pitcher of water in her hand. She walked around the bed and poured me a glass handing it to me.

“Good morning Colleen,” I said taking hold of the cup. She offered me a smile and patted my shoulder.

“Good morning,” she said when she took her hand off my shoulder I turned to see Mom glaring at her.

“Jason,” Dr. Werth said to get my attention. I looked up at him and he raised his hand towards the other man. “This is Detective Buchman.”

“Tony,” Detective Buchman said, offering his hand. I shook it feeling the firm grip before he released. “I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

“I don’t think I can really help you any,” I said, noticing his smile waiver slightly.

“We already know some things,” he said, “when and where it happened, but not a whole lot more.”

“Okay,” I said leaning back on the bed knowing I was only dancing around the inevitable.

“It’s okay Jason,” Mom soothed, reaching over to pat my arm, but I moved away from her touch. I glanced at her to see her smile at the others in the room.

“They took my wallet,” I said, “I had my driver’s license and a few credit cards.”

“We’ve already looked at those, Mrs. Colby gave us the information,” he said, “they haven’t been used.”

“I don’t know what they looked like, they attacked me from behind,” I said before he could start asking me questions. “They didn’t really say anything, I couldn’t tell you if they were white, black, or how many there were.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Tony said and I noticed he hadn’t made a move to write anything down. I hadn’t really told him anything he could use.

“Sorry,” I said, shrugging and looking down at my cup.

“You couldn’t tell me what they were wearing, if there was anything suspicious before it happened?” He asked, stepping closer to the bed.

“I didn’t notice anything, at the bus stop a few people got off with me, but they were headed to the diner, a couple of women I think,” I answered thinking back before the attack. I hadn’t really given it much thought. I had been alone on the street. I wasn’t hungry or tired, it was probably stupid of me to be wandering around a strange city with no true direction. Reaching up I rubbed my eyes and my head was beginning to ache.

“Well Doctor, I think we’re finished then,” Tony said and I let my hand fall to my lap. He offered me a smile then reached into his pocket. “This is where you can reach me if you remember anything, even if you don’t think it is important.”

“Thank you officer,” Mom said as she snatched the card out of his hand. Then he nodded his head and opened the door. He gave us all another smile before he left closing the door behind me. “Now that’s over, are you going to release him?”

“Mrs. Colby,” Dr. Werth started, but she waved her hand.

“Please, AnneMarie,” she said, offering him a smile. She reached for my arm again, this time I didn’t move it out of her reach. “He seems stable enough to come on home with me.”

“He is,” Dr. Werth said, “stable, but I’d really like to see his ribs heal more before he travels.”

“It’s first class,” Mom countered frowning, “and we leave this evening.”

“Mom,” I said and I felt her grip tighten on my arm, but she didn’t look at me.

“He is an adult so it is his decision, to stay or go,” Dr. Werth said as gently as he could. “As his doctor, I really would like to see him take it easy for a few more weeks.”

“He can take it easy in the comfort of home,” Mom said, “with family, in Alabama.”

“Mom,” I said, sighing.

“I also would advise some counseling,” Dr. Werth said and I looked up at him.

“Counseling,” I repeated frowning, “therapy.”

“To help you cope with the anxiety and nightmares,” he said, “it was a traumatic experience.”

“That sounds manageable,” Mom said turning to glare at me, “doesn’t it honey?”

“Yes,” I said and I felt Colleen pat my shoulder again. I glanced up to see her smiling, but her eyes were concerned.

“You’ll do fine,” Colleen soothed as she let her hand fall back to her side.

“Then I guess all you have to do is sign the release forms,” Dr. Werth said, frowning slightly as he handed me the clipboard and a pen. I saw the places I needed to sign marked with black inked x’s and after I signed them all I handed them back to Dr. Werth and he glanced down to make sure I had gotten them all before he looked up and smiled.

“Are we finished here Doctor?” Mom asked, already pulling the straps of her purse up over her shoulder. She stood and offered her hand and he shook it.

“Yes,” He said, stepping towards the door. I looked up at Colleen when she stepped around the bed she gave me a tiny wave before they left the room.

“I’ll let you get ready,” Mom said and she caught the door before it closed without a second glance. I looked down at the small bag she left behind and sighing I pulled the sheets off and slid carefully out of bed. I winced as I bent over and picked up the bag knowing I would survive the trip back home, but didn’t know if I could handle much else.