Alex's Legacy - 10. Chapter 10

The alarm buzzed incessantly, and I smacked Alex on the arm. “Turn that damn thing off, will ya?” I grumbled.

He groaned and turned over, hitting the snooze button and then burrowed back under the covers. I snuggled into his side and he put his arm around me, drawing me close. “I hate the early shift,” he mumbled into my hair.

“I know. You remind me every morning you have to work one.”

“Sorry, babe.” He yawned and stretched. “I wish I could just stay in bed with you all day.”

“Me, too. Now get your hot ass in the shower so I can get back to sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah. Rub it in.”

“It’s just for another hour. Now go.” I shoved him and he got out of bed and headed for the shower. I immediately fell back asleep.

The alarm went off 60 minutes later, and I got up to start my morning routine. After taking a shower and getting dressed, I popped a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster and poured a cup of coffee. I smiled when I saw the note Alex had left next to the coffee machine.

I may be a little late this evening. I’ll text you when I’m leaving. Love always, Alex.

He had drawn a heart next to his name. I thought it was adorable.

I took a sip of my coffee just as I heard knocking on my door. I thought that was odd since Elise was the only one here, and she usually just texted me if she needed something. I opened the door and Elise stood there, wringing her hands. She looked worried. “Sam… These officers are here to talk to you.”

Standing behind her were two uniformed police officers. The younger officer shifted his weight and looked at his partner uncomfortably.

“Is this the residence of Alexander Harrington?” The older man asked.

My blood ran cold. “Yes, I’m his fiancé.”

The officer looked at me sympathetically. “May we come in?”

I started shaking and my breathing rate increased. Elise put her arm around my shoulders and guided me to the couch. She sat next to me, holding my hand.

“What’s your name, son?”

“Sam. Sam Sullivan. Please, officer. Did something happen to Alex?” Elise squeezed my hand tightly and rubbed my back.

“Mr. Sullivan, I’m very sorry to inform you that your fiancé was in a car accident this morning. A driver ran the light at the intersection of Broadway and Fourth and broadsided his vehicle. He was killed instantly. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

The world seemed to stand still in that instant. I heard Elise gasp and cry out “Oh, Sam!” She squeezed my hand so tightly I’m sure it should have hurt, but I didn’t feel a thing. I sat on the couch, numb and still, while the officer’s words echoed throughout my head. I looked at the younger policeman. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but standing in my living room while his senior partner delivered such devastating news. The older officer sat on the chair next to me with a look of stoic impassiveness on his face. I could see pain behind that look, though, as I stared at him, refusing to let the horrible words he had spoken sink in.

“Mr. Sullivan? I know this is difficult, but—“

“Alex is dead?” I whispered.

“I’m afraid so, son.”

I looked at Elise. Her face was soaked with tears and she threw her arms around me. “Oh my God, Sam! This can’t be real!”

I started shaking and hyperventilating as the news sunk in. "No—" I shook my head and pushed Elise away from me. “No.” I said louder. Alex couldn’t be dead. We were planning our wedding, for fuck’s sake!

I wish I could stay in bed with you all day.

I may be a little late this evening.

“No! This isn’t happening… It’s not true. He can’t be dead!” I stood up and paced around the room. Elise tried to get me to go back to the couch, but I brushed her off. “NO!” I shouted.

Love always, Alex *heart*

“NO…!” I drew the word out in an anguished wail, collapsing to the ground as sobs wracked my body. Elise held me in her arms as my panic attack escalated to the point where I couldn’t breathe, and I passed out.

*****

I woke up in a strange bed, with unfamiliar sounds and smells surrounding me. I rubbed my face and held my hand up, wondering why there was an IV sticking out of it. As the realization that I was in a hospital sank in, I heard my name, then felt gripped in a bear hug by a black-haired man who was sobbing into my chest.

“Sammy! Oh my God, Sammy! I can’t believe this is happening!” Ricky wailed against my ribs.

“Ricky, baby, give him some space.”

Andy drew his boyfriend to him, attempting to calm him down.

I observed the display dispassionately, wondering why Ricky was causing such a scene, and why I was in the hospital in the first place.

“Why am —“ I started, then the events of the morning played out in my head. The knock on the door; the police officer telling me about Alex’s accident; Elise sobbing in my arms; me having a nervous breakdown and collapsing on the floor. I knew then why I felt so detached from my surroundings. It was the way I felt after being given a high dose of Valium. This wasn’t just Valium, though. I was willing to bet that they gave me another type of sedative, too.

“Sam? Are you ok? Talk to me, buddy,” Ricky pleaded.

I looked at him woodenly. Alex was dead. His best friend was falling to pieces in front of me. Alex was dead. And all I could do was stare at the wreck Ricky had become. My eyes shifted to the brunette rubbing Ricky’s shoulders. Andy didn’t look much better either.

“Alex…” I muttered.

Ricky sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand. Andy sat on the opposite side of the bed and held my other hand.

“Oh, Sammy…what are we going to do?” Ricky whispered.

“Ricky, babe, we’ll all get through this. We just need to be strong for Sam, right now.”

I looked at Andy blankly. Get through this? How the hell was I supposed to get through losing the light of my life? The suppressed emotional part of my brain was screaming and trying to claw its way out of my drug-induced stupor. I held my arms out and Ricky embraced me, sobbing into my chest. I patted his back. Andy joined in the hug, tears streaming down his face. After a couple minutes, I sat back.

“I’m exhausted guys. I want to go back to sleep.”

Ricky ran his hand along my face. “Go ahead, Sammy. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

*****

There was an endless parade of well-wishers during the week following the accident. Ricky stayed with me at my apartment and Elise ran the Nook. Allison went into labor the day after Alex died and gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She was devastated that she couldn’t be with me or attend the funeral. I sobbed when she told me the baby’s name – Alexander Samuel Matthews.

I made it through the funeral with the support of Ricky, Andy, and Valium. Alex’s co-workers gave a lovely tribute, and I was amazed at how many of his former patients came to the service. He had touched a lot of lives. His family never showed up, which wasn’t surprising considering that they had cut him out of their lives when he came out.

The visits and dropped-off food slowly stopped the week after the funeral. I started working again, but had to run upstairs my first day back when I found myself pouring Alex’s usual cup of morning coffee. Even after he moved in, he maintained his tradition of drinking his morning coffee with me downstairs at the Nook.

I couldn’t bear to go through his things, so everything stayed where it belonged – dirty laundry in the hamper, and his toothbrush in our medicine cabinet. I slept on the couch and used the guest bathroom. I showered and dressed when Ricky told me to, and ate when food was placed in front of me. I relied heavily on my anti-anxiety medication to get through the day. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was what I had to do to cope. Ricky called Daniel to make an appointment for me, but he didn’t do grief counseling, so he recommended a colleague.

The police investigation into the accident revealed that the kid who had run the red light was drunk. I was thankful that he took responsibility for his actions and accepted a plea deal. I didn’t think I’d be able to make it through a trial.

About six months after the funeral, I was sitting on one of the couches in the lounge area of the Nook, and reading because it was a slow day with few customers. The doorbell dinged and I looked up to greet the customer. My book fell to the floor as I sat bolt upright and gasped. The man who entered the store stopped and stared at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Are you Sam?” he asked.

I nodded at the man who had to be Alex’s brother. The resemblance was uncanny. He sat in the chair next to the couch, and twisted his hands nervously.

“I found out about Alex yesterday. My family—" his voice broke and he took a shuddering breath. “My family lied to me. I’m Alex’s brother, Danny.” His hand trembled as he held it out to me. I shook it.

“So, you were my brother’s partner?”

“His fiancé. We were going to get married this fall.” I closed my eyes, fighting back tears.

“So, you guys were obviously happy.”

I nodded. “Very much so.”

He glanced away from me, and when he looked back there were tears in his eyes. “It’s been a long time since I saw Alex happy. When our parents found out he was gay, they immediately disowned him. I was too young to know what had happened. Alex was seven years older than me. I adored him, though. We were a rare breed as siblings…we actually got along! Alex always made sure he had time for me. I was devastated when he left.”

“It took him a long time to get over your parents’ betrayal. I don’t know that he ever did, honestly. He didn’t talk about it much.”

“I tried finding him once I was out of the house, but no one would tell me anything. I only found out about his death because I overheard my aunt talking to my uncle. I looked up the notice online, and that’s how I found you.”

I smiled. “I’m glad you did.”

“I have some things in the car for you.”

“Oh?”

“I found them shortly after my parents kicked Alex out. They cleaned his room and put everything in the trash. I managed to salvage some of it.”

“Why don’t we bring it upstairs and you can tell me what he was like growing up? Just give me a minute to close the store.”

“I’d like that.”

Danny ended up spending two days with me. The boxes he brought contained pictures of him and Alex as young children, along with his teddy bear, a couple of school trophies, and other memorabilia from his youth. He told me stories of their childhood, which made me feel like I was getting to know Alex all over again.

Danny gasped and held what looked like an ordinary rock you’d find in a creek bed. He clasped his hand around it and held it to his chest. Tears streamed down his cheeks. “There was a stream behind the house we grew up in. I liked to sit on the banks when I needed to think. One day I was upset about some kids at school that were bullying me. It was dinnertime and Alex found me in my favorite spot, crying. It took some coaxing on his part, but he was able to get me to tell him the whole story. When I was finished, he picked up this rock and handed it to me. I thought he was nuts. He told me to think of the strength of that rock any time I needed courage to stand up for myself. I have no idea how it ended up with his things. The truth is, I didn’t need the rock because I had Alex. He was always my rock.” Danny dissolved into sobs.

I embraced him until he stopped crying. He tried to hand me the rock, but I shook my head and clasped his hand around it. “Keep it. It obviously means a lot to you.” He smiled and nodded gratefully.

I told him all about life with Alex, and we shared a lot of tears and hugs along with the memories. We promised to keep in touch, but the truth was that he reminded me too much of Alex. I still hear from him at Christmas. He always sends me a nice card with updates about him and his family.

Over the next two years, I threw myself into running the Nook. I expanded the business online, and even thought about opening another store. I lived in comfortable numbness until one rainy night brought the next major change in my life.