There Once Was Love - 2. Chapter 2

There Once Was Love - Chapter 2

The last thing I remember before blacking out was screaming to Keith to come save me. For some reason I woke up, but it wasn’t in my own body. I mean, I guess my spirit wasn’t there, as I stood over my body, lying next to the waterfall. The green grass and the natural surrounding felt enchanting, like out of a movie or something; it looked so perfect yet beautiful in its own way. I really don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling. All I know is that my body was lying there and I was staring at it as if it’s a foreign thing or something. My body looked pale compared to how it usually looks. My lips turned a nasty blue color, my eyes were shut, meaning that I truly was dead... for the moment. Hopefully not for long?!

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Keith race over to where my body lay. I tried to speak to him, but he didn’t even notice me standing there beside him. One look at his face told me what I most feared, that I didn’t have a pulse. I tried touching him, but my hand went right through him. I tried screaming at Keith, but I got nothing. Too many things were running through my mind as I just laid there with nothing happening. You have no clue how afraid I was at that moment; I couldn’t just sit here and watch as Keith did CPR on me, I had to do something.

As moments and more moments went by with nothing happening, I became more scared that I wasn’t going to return to my body. I sat down next to Keith, tears streaming down his face. His face turned a dark red color his eyes were red and puffy, as though he’d been crying for awhile. The only thing I could do was watch and see if he could bring me back to life.

Next, two things happened. The first was Keith stopped pumping on my heart and sat back. The second was that he screamed at the top of his lungs.

I didn’t know what to do but sit there rocking back en forth. Keith leaned over my body getting really close to my ear. I heard exactly what he said next. “I should have never let you go. I will miss you my love!” And then he kissed me softly on my lips.

Did he just say ‘my love’ and that he shouldn’t have let me go? Let my brain catch up…Yes, Yes, Yes, I knew! I wanted this all my life; he did say those words. Now I really knew!

The kiss must have done something because my visage started to fade, I didn’t know that I would soon be returning to my body.

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I opened my eyes to see Keith still hovering over me. He didn’t notice me open my eyes, but at the time I didn’t care, I still remember what he told me before my spirit, or whatever, wanted to return to its rightful place. The words of the guy I loved were still swimming around in my head. Wow! Just WOW! I just can’t believe Keith actually said those words without stammering or stuttering, but I bet if I brought it up he might try to deny it. Like always, I knew there was something different about him.

Ever since we started puberty, when we were younger, around like 12 or 13 maybe, I don’t know really, I just know that from that time till now, I knew I was gay and forever will be gay. How do you exactly tell a best friend, or any friends for that matter, that you’re gay and then be hopeful that they’d accept you? There is no right or wrong answer to the question, just hoping they’ll tell you how great, or good, or even OK that is. That would be great for the person’s self esteem. That’s all I have to say about the matter of being gay... for now, that is!

As Keith lifted his head away from my face, I could tell that he finally saw that my eyes were open, or have been. Keith jumped up and away from me and my body; I don’t think he actually believed that I’m alive. It only took one word for him to realize that I was in deed awake.

“Keith!” I whispered to him.

He was still in shock, you could tell; it was plastered on his face. I guess that didn’t work. How about this:

“KEITH!” I shouted at him.

Then he blinked, he stood there looking at me. I think he thought he saw a ghost before him. I smirked at the thought, but soon I could see all the emotions that his eyes and face could show; pain, happy, sad, frightful, scared, blessed, and of course, overjoyed. As he bent down to my level again, but still not coming near me, I held out my hand for him to take.

At first he was hesitant, but soon he reached out with a shaky hand to touch me, just to make sure. That was all it took, he pulled me too him and held me there. Not wanting to let go, I couldn’t agree more. I felt safe once again. Well, maybe finally. As we just sat there hugging each other, in the far distance we could hear what I was hoping for all along, the sound of sirens ringing in the background.

The sirens got closer and closer. Soon, as if there wasn’t any time left, I looked up at Keith and smiled a sweet and tender smile. But in that smile, only I knew what it meant. Hopefully so did Keith, but it didn’t look like it. He looked down at me and smiled his same sweet caring. Plus, did I mention the melting of my heart? No? Well it did wonders on my heart right then.

People came out of nowhere and interrupted our little smiling fest, but Keith seemed not to care. As they got closer to me and Keith, the paramedics looked at me and clearly saw that I wasn’t in need as much as I had been. So they gave me smile and a knowing look, but that wasn’t all. The first one to speak was the one with the body bag.

“OK kid, we have to check you out now!” He stated. The guy didn’t look at all that old or even all that young either.

If I had to guess, he was maybe around 23 to 25 years old. He had the standard blue jacket with blue pants, with a hospital crest on the right beast area. The guy, or young man, I should say, had blonde hair, blue eyes, a cute face that was tanned, full lips, so plump I had to lick my lips. Hehehe, seductive maybe, lol. I felt my dick getting ready to become hard, so I had to think of anything but the hot stud standing in front of me — ‘Old Hairy Lady… Old Hairy Lady,’ I thought. It worked too, thank goodness. I think people started to get calmer as more people arrived. I still didn’t see my parents, thank god! I really didn’t want to explain to them why I needed medical attention right now. Maybe later.

Keith helped me up from my sitting position and hooked his arm around my body for support. At least, I thought that was what he was doing; maybe there was something else that made him do it. Who knows? The paramedic walked with us to the ambulance and sat me down on the lift, or bumper, or whatever you want to call it. They started asking me questions, mainly stupid ones at that. Let’s see if I remember the first question, What year is it? I answered correctly, next one who is the person beside me? I answered. Third one: which president is in office right now? I answered that too. ‘Stupid fucking paramedics!’ I thought.

As they checked me for signs of trauma and didn’t find any, they told me I should still go to the hospital for them to do a full inspection of my body. With no arguing, I agreed, but I told them that I’d rather drive over there with Keith. They didn’t agree with it, but I didn’t care really. Even Keith told me I should go with them; I gave him a look that said, “I know you are not agreeing with them!” He turned away, but I knew I had won. Keith told them exactly what I just did and they finally agreed, with no more arguing. As for the parents, later there would be no getting around the question,. ‘Why was I in the hospital?’ This happened basically every time something went wrong with me.

So on the way back to my car, I knew Keith wasn’t going to let me drive so I gave the keys over before he even asked for them. He smiled at that, but still didn’t say anything. This is going to be weird between us. I just have this gut feeling that when we’re on the way to the hospital, we’re not going to be very talkative.

When we made it to the car, Keith helped by opening the door to the passenger side and helped me get in and all, and helped me putting on the seat belt. I couldn’t even explain how gentle he did these things for me. I just smiled at the gentleness Keith was demonstrating. Once he got everything done on my side, he went over to the driver’s side. When Keith put the key in the ignition, but didn’t turn the key over to start the car. He just sat there for a few moments before looking over at me, opening his mouth and shutting several different times.

I think he got frustrated with it and blurted out “fuck!” I don’t think he meant it towards me, but who knows? The next thing I knew, he moved closer to me. My heart raced for whatever was to come, but nothing did. I opened my eyes to see Keith leaned back over to the steering wheel, knuckles turning white, and I thought he might hurt himself. So I had to break the silence in the car.

“Keith, just blurt it out man!” I said, still looking for something so show on his face, other than defeat.

He turned to me and said one simple word that I still didn’t get. “Can’t!” and that was that. He started the car, put it in D for drive and off we went to the hospital. I was still looking over occasionally, but Keith still didn’t say anything. So I reached over and turned on the radio, don’t ask me how the radio turned off, when it was on when we came here.

On the way to the hospital my mind kept doing this replay shit over and over again. “Cant!” rewind “Cant!” rewind “Cant!” I needed to clear my head. I looked over at Keith, watching him pay attention to the road, just staring. Trying to make my head get wrapped around this thing with my best friend is harder than it looks. Keith turned to me and watched me every few seconds then faced the road again; I don’t think he even knew why I was looking at him.

Once we reached the city part of our home town, I returned to watching the sites go by. I hated that I couldn’t even begin to ask him what just happened back there. I didn’t want to put him in a weird situation, but if I don’t, shit, my head might go nuts on me. Literally! I pressed my head against the cold glass window, still looking out it as the same phrase kept repeating in my head. I had to shake it off a couple of times. We neared the hospital, but I wasn’t in any hurry to go in there.

Keith parked the car, turning off the engine, sitting there not doing anything. It made me think of all the stuff we’ve been through; I hated him for not telling me shit and, well, I could imagine him not being so hot with me not telling him that I’m gay and well, let’s just make this easier. He wouldn’t accept it right off the bat, or maybe never. Who knows with Keith?

He turned to me looking like he wanted to say something, he tried several different times, but nothing ever came out. I looked at him then straight ahead and back to him; it just didn’t fit him that he would be like me, I think. As we sat there looking at each other, finally I think he wanted to tell me something, but I stopped him.

Putting my hand up before he said anything, I had a few things to say to him. “Keith, I know this isn’t easy for you and, well, I didn’t plan on it being anything but simple. So listen to me and listen well, because I’m only going to say this once! I know what I did at the river wasn’t smart and, well, I didn’t plan on it turning out the way it did.” I had to take a break from talking, I didn’t know what I was saying or leading up too, but hopefully it will work out.

“So please don’t get mad at me when I tell you this next part?! I heard what you said to me… I… um… wasn’t really inside my body when you told me that you loved me and that you would never let me go… I just wanted… to… to say that---“ He stopped me before I could finish.

“What do you mean you heard me and that I said what you just said I said?” he asked. It looked like he was going to throw up or something, but his body language told me different.

There he sat, all calm and collected. Only that changed with in a blink of an eye. He opened the door and bolted out into the hospital’s parking lot, I just let him. Still feeling shocked and overcome that he did that, my mind raced. With everything that was happening, I can’t believe I just confronted him about what he said. I doubt that he will come back now. ‘Dammit! What a fool I must be. My best friend, the one I love, is now nowhere in sight. This sucks royally,’ I thought.’

Getting myself back to reality, I opened my door grabbed my keys, walking slowly towards the door to the hospital emergency room or urgent center. I walked over to the nurses’ station, told her what happened, then phoned the person who was waiting for me to get checked out. I sat down in the waiting area for that person. My mind going over everything that just happened; it didn’t seem real, maybe this isn’t real and I’m dead, still lying face down next to the river, while Keith is still trying to save my life.

Dammit, why can’t anything go the way it’s supposed to? I got up and left the waiting room, reaching in my pocket feeling around for my smokes that I always have on me. I just never smoke in front of anyone, but at this moment I didn’t care I needed one just to clear my head.

I found the smokes; menthol 100’s in a box, Marlboros. I fished them out, taking one and lighting it. I didn’t care. Once this shit was done and did, I’d find Keith and explain to him why and what for. Plus, that I’m gay and if he didn’t like it, he could walk away with nothing but an ex-best friend; sounds like a deal to me. Smoking that cigarette did some good for me. I felt better, well maybe, but for now it did help me with my nerves. Let’s get this over with and go patch things up with Keith, my best friend and the boy I love.

I finished with the smoke, making my way back into the waiting room. There stood a nurse I think she was waiting for me, I came up to her and asked “Are you looking for me, ma’am?”

“Oh is your name...” She looked down at the clipboard she was holding then looked back up to me. “Is your name Thomas Erickson?” she asked looking hopeful. I nodded my head without saying anything more; she told me to follow and I did.

Walking down those corridors, I had flash backs of the times I have been here and what reason. One of the reasons was because of my Grandpa Maxwell Erickson. He died maybe five months ago. I swore never to come here for anything. We walked down a couple of hall-ways, turning left and then right, and going to straight ahead. I read one of the signs hanging on the wall. It said “X-ray”! I read it again; this time it clicked. They were going to take pictures of the bones inside my head. I felt dizzy and I trembled as we finally came upon the room.

My head was spinning. I think the nurse noticed and she came over to me, helped me on the X-ray table and told me to sit still. I did what I was told, still trembling a little. She moved this big spot light on me, it was a medium size square with cross in the middle, separating it into four little square. I thought it was weird, but whatever, the sooner I got this over with the better. She told me again, “Stay still. It will only be a couple of seconds.” I slightly nodded, confirming what she told me.

In less than three seconds she came back out and told me to lay down on the X-ray table, they were going to take pictures of my chest now.

I nodded again and she went back to take another set of pictures. She once again came back out and told me that I was done. She led me back to the waiting room. She then told me, “It will only be 20 minutes before they know anything. If anything is wrong they’ll come back out and get you. If it’s urgent, they’ll do something.” She even told me “Even if there is nothing wrong with you, we will still come out and tell you something. Okay, Sweetie?” I nodded my head again before she left.

I ran outside, rounding the corner not thinking of watching where I was going. I hit something or someone, my body fell to the ground after a complete stop. Looking up I saw Keith looking shocked to find me crashing into him, I lifted myself. Not caring if he was there or not, I lit up another cigarette. I don’t think he even registered what just happened, why I’m smoking. The next thing that came out of his mouth I didn’t expect.

“Tom, I’m sorry I ran out like that, that wasn’t even me who did that. It’s just that... how did you know what I said? I didn’t even feel a pulse on you, just how?” He asked still looking shocked and uncomfortable. Did I mention pale?

I looked at him and suddenly felt guilty for putting him through that, I didn’t mean to cause any more harm. I just wanted an answer; well yeah I got one being left high and dry. Still looking at him I’m lost for words, the only gesture that I could come up with was to hug him tightly and that’s exactly what I did. We hugged for a couple of minutes, nothing special. Well, maybe for him it wasn’t anything special, but being this close to the person you like a lot, the feeling is spectacular. The moment came to a close, like everything else; we separated after that.

I still didn’t know what to say to him. I hated this feeling, I’m lost for words and the actions you take speak louder, so I’m lost, still looking at him with nothing coming out of either of our mouths... just standing and staring.

My body reacted to a something that wasn’t anything particular to anything at all; I shuddered with delight at getting a hug. Keith didn’t know, so we left it at that, walking back into the hospital with his arm over my shoulder. I felt closer to him for some reason., I needed to figure out what I wanted and I don’t think I can have Keith, so yup, there goes my life with the person I loved.

My brain definitely needed some time to think. I just needed to get through this with some sense left in me. We spotted the nurse waiting for me again, this time though she came to us. “Well, Thomas Erikson, nothing seemed out of the ordinary so I guess you’re free to go, just next time watch where you’re going! OK?” I nodded my head to her and that was that. I am free to go about things now.

We reached the car again, but this time I drove and he sat on the passenger side. We drove just like we did coming here, no one saying anything. It amazed me, to say the least, that I still had my best friend; I still needed to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it.

Because the next time it might not be an easy fix.

“Hey turn on the radio, it’s kind of awkward just driving with nothing in the background,” I said. He reached over and turned on my favorite radio station, 95.5.

I looked over at him and smiled. Turning my attention back towards the road, I couldn’t help but to feel good and bad about what happened a while ago. One of my favorite songs came on by Panic! At The Disco called I Write Sins, Not Tragedies. While I was singing that song and somewhat dancing, I looked over to Keith bopping his head to it. He knew I liked this genre so he didn’t say anything about it; I smirked at him for being him.

We came to his street listening to a different song, by Eminem. I forget what it was called, but it still seemed nice. I pulled up to his house and turned off the car. Thank god his parents didn’t come out of the house rushing to me, I would have panicked. So we just sat there with nothing but silence to fill the void. I looked over at him. “Well, I guess that’s it for tonight. I’ll see tomorrow in home room?” Still sensing that there was something to say I said, “Well, look Keith, I know what happened today---!” That’s all I said before he cut me off, like always.

“Yea, I know what happened today and, well, I feel like shit for dissing you like that. So, I’m sorry for that and for the other thing while you were between dead and alive. Well… you… um… That is, it was just a best friend thing, right? Nothing more?!” His voice betrayed him with that.

“Keith, look! I know that this isn’t what you wanted or anything and, well, I’m sorry if I brought it up, OK?.” I retorted to what he said. My smile disappeared when he told me that, so I guess it was for the better.

“Just don’t bring it up again! Got it?!” he shouted at me.

I was taken aback by this, it made me jump.

So I just pointed a finger to the door and basically told him to get out, I had enough! So that’s what he did, but before he did he looked at me with a pained face. He looked down at the carpet and whispered, “OK.” And that was that.

Once he got out, I just sat there, waiting for him to go inside so I could still sit here to think. I don’t know how long I sat there, but once I started the car and put it in drive, the radio seemed to get on my nerves. Only sad songs wanted to play, every single station was like that, so I just turned it off and drove to my house.

I wouldn’t say I lived in a pretty house nor decent, but it was good enough to call home for now. My dad always had to go places. And my mom always seemed to drink when he was gone. It never bothered me because she would leave me alone. Once I came upon my house, it’s a two story brick house, with vines going up the side of it.

My house is painted a white with a blue trim on the top of it. Putting the car in park, turning it off and just sitting there, I didn’t see my dad’s car here, or even my mothers. So either both of them went out or my dad is traveling and my mom is somewhere. Where, I didn’t care at the moment, to be honest.

As the car got colder and me still trying to figure out what the fuck to do, I didn’t understand why Keith had to be so stupid or insecure, but I wasn’t going to let him get me down. After opening the door, stepping out, slamming my door shut and walking up to the front door of my house, I put my key in the lock, turning the handle. I stepped in and the house felt frozen. I wondered if anyone had a clue that tonight would get cold. Probably not, considering who my parents are.

My dad is a workaholic where he works non stop to get whatever project done that week, even then he doesn’t come home that often. When he does, it’s not like he gives a shit or wants to see how I’ve been. So that only leaves my mother, an alcoholic with a not so nice attitude, when she gets that far. My mother only gives a shit when I get in her way, but she only says one word, “Move!” So what am I supposed to do about anything, have a family meeting? Right. That only works in the movies... sometimes.

So basically I only have friends to help me not go crazy and one best friend that I love to death itself. What is a guy suppose to do in this fucked up life his parents gave him? I know, ‘GO OUT PARTYING!’ I thought. Once I set my car keys down, I pulled out my phone and dialed away to see what’s poppin’ around the city, yes city, meaning New York City to be exact. I never really liked living in New York, but hey, when you got nothing better to do, why not? Right!

Hitting up everyone on the phone, I only get like 20 messages back saying what’s poppin’. I didn’t care; I really just needed to get away from all this silence. And since I already dropped off Keith, I’m free to go by myself tonight. OK, let’s hit it; first shower then clothes and then off to the party in Times Square. Sounds like fun, does it not!?

After taking the shower I felt better, but not quite. I could say it cured what today has done to me, but I’d be lying. So instead of dreading or wallowing in today, I put it in the back of my mind and got ready for the party that I wanted to go to. I picked out light blue boxers with an American Eagle tee and grey denim pants. I topped it off with my brand new pair of shoes, which were E’s.

I arrived at the party around 9:30, getting out of the car that I parked like three blocks away; it might be fun to walk. I love New York. That’s because of all the sweet, glorious, beautiful stores that you walk by. I love the people here, some what that is. It’s good to walk, especially on a night with a full moon. I know you can’t see it with all the lights and shit, but I knew it was there. So doesn’t that count for something?

Walking the three blocks can be fun, except when you see people trying to steal shit. That’s always a downer. Hehehe. I know; not funny! So anyways, watching as thousands of people busy around, getting what they need before the stores close on them. It always seems to cheer me up. Well it would’ve... if I didn’t have so much on my mind. But tonight, let’s get drunk and fuck whatever I can get, that’s assuming I can get it at all.

Most of my friends have suspicions that I’m gay, but I as always, I seemed to dodge them telling them, “Well, I would love to be gay, but you see, I love pussy more!” I know what a lie it is, but hey, if you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you at least try to keep something like that to yourself? I’m in high school still. And let’s face it, people love to gossip in New York, I mean I wouldn’t care if they already knew, but c’mon, this is the real world; nothing seems to go your way. Well, maybe if you were someone important, but I’m not, so let’s keep it too that, well, try to.

I came upon the party that my good friend Lacey Cooper was throwing; she always seemed to throw the most wicked party of the year. And well, knowing her, I would possibly have to give her my keys. My plan for tonight is to 1. Get drunk and 2. Get fuckin’ laid. I don’t think that’s too hard.

The first person I saw was indeed Lacey, what a doll she is. “Hey Lace, nice party. What’s going to be happening here tonight?” Lacey was wearing an evening gown with a diamond necklace. Yea, not cheap either. Her face always seemed to sparkle, even her eyes had a twinkle in them; she looked beautiful tonight, like she should.

“Not too bad yourself Thomas. How are you doing this fine evening?” She smiled at me while shaking every else’s hand.

“Well let’s just say I’m ready to party, and I know what you’re going to say, so here!” I passed her my keys, she saw them and chuckled. She knew what I had planned!

“Well, let’s just say, we have everything you might want and more. Have fun handsome, just not too much!” She smirked and waved me off; I hugged her before I left.

The place was booming when I got through the covered gates, people were dancing, some were up at the bar. Some were even in or on booths dancing, I saw some people sitting and enjoying the music chatting away. The place itself looked awesome, with blue and black silk curtains, white table tops, and checkered floor. The DJ playing up at the main stage was none other than Dallas Ever, I hated that guy ever since 9th grade and he has been making my life hell ever since.

But I didn’t come here to start a fight, I came here to get drunk and laid, well maybe laid. Who knows what people do when their drunk, or drinking for that matter. I made my way over to the bar, yelling for the bartender to pour a glass of whatever. Standing there next to me was none other than Keith. ‘Damn!’ I thought, ‘what else or who else can I not run into in this place?’ I smiled at him and he did the same. Standing next to my friend it felt awkward now, like we didn’t say anything for a while. Just bobbing our heads to the music, I left the bar with my drink and went walking or baby stepping around the people dancing. I love Keith, but I need my space from him tonight, no more drama.

Someone touched my shoulder; I thought it was Keith and kept walking away, but that hand stayed there it felt weird so I cocked my head to the left and there stood Nathan Alan. I haven’t seen him since Friday. Wow, what a surprise! “Hey Nathan what’s up, haven’t seen you since Friday. What’s crackin?”

“Nothing just cha-laxing as always. Glad I called to make sure there was a party going on!” he stated more than anything.

“I’m just here to party my ass and leave my problems at the door, that’s all, I just need to get away from drama!” I retorted.

Nathan looked cute tonight, wearing a black tee with a green symbol. He also wore pants with the same symbol. Nathan’s face always seemed so beautiful. I don’t think I ever I saw him with as much as a pimple before, just perfect skin. I wonder if his life was like that. Probably so. Nathan has a great body; six pack abs, semi big biceps, big enough pecs. His body just radiated perfect. I saw his body once in the gym locker room; my mouth must have hit the floor back then. My mouth would probably drop again if I get a chance to see it again. The months after that, my jack off sessions always seemed to revolve around that body. But not now.

“Do I want to know what’s been happening to you or do you want to keep it yourself?!” he asked with a smirk.

I could tell that he had some drinks before I came here; just by the way his breath smelt. “Oh naw I didn’t come here to gossip or anything, just came here to drink and get laid, that’s my plan anyway,” I stated.

“Alright man, you be careful, I’ll see you around, if not, maybe Monday!” he said while facing the other way. I shook my head at that boy. He’s going to get himself into some trouble!

“’ight man, you be good. See you whenever!” I nodded my head towards him, and started walking again.

What kind of trouble can I get into now? Once again I searched the floor for some one else to turn up. At that moment I didn’t care really, but people always seemed to find me in a crowded room. It might be fate that I saw Keith talking to some guy that I didn’t know, but that didn’t mean that I should go over there and see who that is. While staring at Keith and that guy, another hand touched me, but around my waist. I knew that only meant one person and that is Lacey found me finally!

“Hey sweetie, how are you doing so far?” I turned towards her and smiled.

“Well, it could be better, but I have to settle with just hanging out. Are you having fun? I saw you over there with Keith earlier. It seemed kind of awkward between you two. Is everything alright?!” she asked, looking straight at me. Well, I couldn’t lie to the girl. I have more sense than that.

“Well things seem kind of weird with him, and I won’t tell you more until we are somewhere more private, too many ears around! Alright?” I whispered to her over the speakers that seemed to be blasting away.

“Sure Hun, follow me,” she told me and led me away to somewhere more private... and more quiet, hopefully.

“Sure.”

It felt like a maze going around people and in through some groups and rounding some more until we reached some stairs leading to the roof. Thank God for a place with a roof access. Damn, I thought stairs were different than anything, but these seemed to make you work out going up them. She turned the handle and led the way to the cool nightly air, so fresh and clean. Once you smelt the clean air it burnt, but that meant it was good.

“So what is it that you didn’t want to say downstairs, honey? I know it has to be something special,” she asked once I closed the door.

“Well, you see Lace umm… Me and Keith were at the river today, and well… you see, we walked along the river bed. Just fooling around; Keith had to sit.” I had to think about what I should and shouldn’t say to her, she doesn’t know about me being gay.

It might help if I told her, but she can be a little like the rest of the girls - gossipy. “So he sat and I stood, he was looking at me and smiling that smile that he always seems to use. Yea that one, but anyways, I turned away from him… and ummm… I smiled to myself. The next thing that happened was that Keith touched my ear with his cheek and I thought it was a bug or something, so I… um smacked it… Not hard, but hard enough to leave a mark. I didn’t know what to do but back away from him. So I kept backing away and backing away from Keith, thinking, you know, how he acts when he’s in the mood for revenge. Well, with him still holding his face---!” I had to think really hard about what I was going to say next, it might be too much. But I didn’t have to, she came to my rescue, like always.

“So what are you trying to say, Hun, what happened? You’re scaring me now!” It was written on her face that she was indeed a little scared.

“Well Lace, a piece of dirt fell away, and well---!” That’s as far as I got before she came and hugged me really tight, I was thankful for that. I really needed that right then. Too much pressure was building in my brain and it kind of hurt to even think.

I sobbed on her shoulder for who knows how long, I couldn’t do this with Keith. I had to be strong around him. I had to be.

While she held me to her, I started talking again about what happened and how I saw it. It wasn’t what I would call pretty, or trying to scare anyone, I needed some help dealing with these things. I asked something else after I got done spilling my guts about Keith and what happened.

“So Lacey, could I ask you what to do? Like, I really don’t know what to do. And I have another thing to confess, but I don’t know if you’ll like it?!” I pulled away from her, wiping my eyes with me sleeves.

“Sure Hun, anything. What else haven’t you told me yet?” She asked in a concerned way, more like a mother than a best friend.

“Well you see… I’m… I’m gay!” I stammered out, looking at her when I told her. That look was all I needed, she looked shocked and kind of confused, but more shocked than anything.

“Wha… what… do you mean you’re gay, sweetie?!” still in shock she asked.

“Well I… I think you know what I mean, Lace!” I told her, her facial expression softened and she asked again.

“What are you trying to tell me Thomas, that you have a major crush on Keith? Oh Hun, you know that you can never have him. He’s the straightest person there is and well I thought you were too?!” She hugged me one more time before she looked into my eyes.

“I know Lace, it’s just hard not to fall for your best friend, especially Keith. I love him, I love being around him. I just like him so much that it hurts that I can’t be with him, and I do understand that it will never happen,” I told her in a very low voice.

“Oh. I’m so sorry Tom; life does seem to play these tricks on everyone. But you do know that I’m always here for you, right, anytime or whatever. I’m here!” She kissed my cheek and hugged once again, I accepted all the hugs.

“Let’s go back down stairs you had a rough day. Let’s get drunk and put this behind us, what you say?!” She asked, in a perky way that you couldn’t refuse.

“Alright since you put it like that, let’s go party. Thank you again, I didn’t know if you were going to be pissed or whatever at me for being… you know... gay.”

I hung my head again, but she lifted it with her finger tips. I looked at her and smiled. I loved that she is so supportive of me. It made me feel good again. Well, good enough to go back to the party!

TBC

((Hugz**Kizzes)) ^Remijay^