Street Words - 4. Chapter 4 Razor

Wow! It sounds like you separate into two until the pain of cutting or burning brings you back together again. You watch 'him' do these things... I don't know whether to feel the sadness or celebrate your braveness for making it through. So freaking powerful, tim... Gary...

I really like how you pack so much emotion into just a handful of words. You are very gifted Tim

Multiply this daily, hourly, loveless, tragic scenario by the tens of thousands around the earth, as we sit back, drinking our morning tea, reading the Wall Street Journal, and deciding what diversions we will occupy ourselves with this fine day. Is it any wonder the angels in heaven not only weep bitter tears for these our lost brothers and sisters, but also for those of us who sit idly by. . . and . . . do . . . nothing . . . to help.
Monk

Wow, not the pain resembled in the poem, but how you presented it with these simple words... I loved it, not the pain though...

I don't believe I've ever read a first-hand account of 'why' doing this is a comfort to a person. Now, with your release and let it out, it makes sense. But, no sense is felt when it also breaks my heart.

Another powerful and moving poem, Tim. Thank you for posting it.

On 09/18/2015 05:36 AM, AC Benus said:

I don't believe I've ever read a first-hand account of 'why' doing this is a comfort to a person. Now, with your release and let it out, it makes sense. But, no sense is felt when it also breaks my heart.

 

Another powerful and moving poem, Tim. Thank you for posting it.

You should ask Michael.. he's watched me, not knowing what I was doing at first. He said he could see the tension go the hotter the water got. I'm still tempted sometimes but I can usually stop myself .. I don't cut anymore though. Thanks for reviews and your comments. tim

On 09/17/2015 10:41 PM, Emi GS said:

Wow, not the pain resembled in the poem, but how you presented it with these simple words... I loved it, not the pain though...

MGK! Hello and thanks for coming by to read. I appreciate your time and kind words of support.

tim

On 09/17/2015 02:15 PM, WanderingMonk said:

Multiply this daily, hourly, loveless, tragic scenario by the tens of thousands around the earth, as we sit back, drinking our morning tea, reading the Wall Street Journal, and deciding what diversions we will occupy ourselves with this fine day. Is it any wonder the angels in heaven not only weep bitter tears for these our lost brothers and sisters, but also for those of us who sit idly by. . . and . . . do . . . nothing . . . to help.

Monk

Thank you bro. I didn't want help when I was out there. I wouldn't have taken it from any of you. When I finally got help it's because I was a captive audience in the hospital. Paul had time to work on me until I saw the light. But give to local charities that help lost kids. Say hi to them, let them talk. That stuff helps.

On 09/17/2015 11:21 AM, Drew Espinosa said:

I really like how you pack so much emotion into just a handful of words. You are very gifted Tim

Drew, thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it and after all these hugs I think I owe you one.

tim

On 09/17/2015 11:20 AM, Headstall said:

Wow! It sounds like you separate into two until the pain of cutting or burning brings you back together again. You watch 'him' do these things... I don't know whether to feel the sadness or celebrate your braveness for making it through. So freaking powerful, tim... Gary...

Hi Gary. It is kind of like that. You know you shouldn't do it, you know it's going to hurt and leave scars. I never wear short sleeves or shorts in public, only with family. But when you're hold the razor and it's sitting there next to your skin and you move it, it is like watching yourself do it from across the room. There's no real pain right away, so it like someone else is doing it, until it hurts.

Thank you for the review and especially your time. I appreciate it.

tim

My younger sister carried the scars from burning herself on her forearm. I can still see the turmoil in her eyes when she tried to explain to my young son how she got them.

I admire you for sharing yourself with us, there is a depth of courage in that many do not understand.

On 09/18/2015 08:22 AM, dughlas said:

My younger sister carried the scars from burning herself on her forearm. I can still see the turmoil in her eyes when she tried to explain to my young son how she got them.

 

I admire you for sharing yourself with us, there is a depth of courage in that many do not understand.

Hi dughlas, thank you for your comments and for reading. Self-harm is a hard thing to explain to others. I've had to explain to family too, not easy. Any showing it to my future husband for the first time... there were lots of tears.

Thank you so much for reading and for your time.

tim

Ahh Tim... I felt like Gary did. That you were watching this happen, separating yourself from the act. I find myself wanting to apologize for that time in your life and to say I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Don't know if that's quite right, but there it is...

On 09/18/2015 08:56 AM, Defiance19 said:

Ahh Tim... I felt like Gary did. That you were watching this happen, separating yourself from the act. I find myself wanting to apologize for that time in your life and to say I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Don't know if that's quite right, but there it is...

Aw Shell, don't feel that way please. It's not your fault. And you shouldn't feel you need to apologize for other's neglect. And yeah, it is like watching yourself across the room doing it. I'm just glad I managed to stop.

Thank you for your beautiful caring words ...means a lot.

tim

I think Gary is right; you were unconsciously (subconsciously?) separating or distancing yourself from the boy who was cutting or burning himself with boiling water.

Isn't cutting a type of control? The people who cut feel they have no control over their lives (as you must have felt), and so they cut b/c it's the one thing they have control over. Also, the pain from the cutting can make them forget (at least temporarily) the pain from their lives.

It's amazing to me to think that you wrote these when you were so young. You are a very talented writer, Tim. I think if you got these poems together and were able to publish them in a book, you could bring it to missions and places where you think street kids (again, I'm sorry for using the term), might see it. It helps to know you're not alone, you know? I think it would give them hope that if you made it out of there, they could make it out too. Just a thought.

On 09/18/2015 10:40 AM, Lisa said:

I think Gary is right; you were unconsciously (subconsciously?) separating or distancing yourself from the boy who was cutting or burning himself with boiling water.

 

Isn't cutting a type of control? The people who cut feel they have no control over their lives (as you must have felt), and so they cut b/c it's the one thing they have control over. Also, the pain from the cutting can make them forget (at least temporarily) the pain from their lives.

 

It's amazing to me to think that you wrote these when you were so young. You are a very talented writer, Tim. I think if you got these poems together and were able to publish them in a book, you could bring it to missions and places where you think street kids (again, I'm sorry for using the term), might see it. It helps to know you're not alone, you know? I think it would give them hope that if you made it out of there, they could make it out too. Just a thought.

Yes like eating too much.You can control something and it's a release - a comfort of sorts. You could be right, but I don't know they'd want to listen. You change out there.

Thanks for your comments and suggestions Lisa. It means a lot.

tim

You break my heart with these poems, but in an amazing way. If that makes any sense. Thank you for posting!

On 09/20/2015 12:45 AM, Puppilull said:

You break my heart with these poems, but in an amazing way. If that makes any sense. Thank you for posting!

It does make sense. Thanks for reading and for your support!

tim

Oh God...I m totally conflicted! I like the poem, but I didn't like you harming yourself...I wanna tell you please never do it again but then again I wonder if I have that right...

Like AC I too think, it's first time I have read first hand account of why people sort to this...but this didn't stop me from feeling sad or heart broken...

As usual tim, this poem was heart breakingly good!

3 hours ago, Aviana said:

Oh God...I m totally conflicted! I like the poem, but I didn't like you harming yourself...I wanna tell you please never do it again but then again I wonder if I have that right...

Like AC I too think, it's first time I have read first hand account of why people sort to this...but this didn't stop me from feeling sad or heart broken...

As usual tim, this poem was heart breakingly good!

I dont self-harm any more .. at least not physically. but whenever things are hard, or upsetting.. it does still call to me. Then i could easily do it, but i havent not for a few years now.