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    Mikiesboy
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Street Words - 10. And all the rest

Written between 17 and 18 years old. These may disturb you, some are raw and harsh.

I am posting these to finish the collection. Thanks AC for the suggestion.

 

By this time i'd started to read some poetry and write a bit. I didn't write often but these are the best of what's left.

 

 

1.

 

Easier if you’re a fag he said
But no, it’s not really
Easy if you’re drunk or high
Yeah that’s for sure
I hate it here, I do

That’s a real truth

 

 

 

2.

 

On my knees before you.
You tell me to look up
god I fuckin hate you.
You stroke my hair

don’t touch me
You grunt
Tell me swallow
Happy when I do

Hand me a twenty

and walk away

Still on my knees I
stick my fingers down my throat

 

3. Mornings

 

Finally the night is over
but I can’t go to sleep
up I push the window
the air is fresh and clean

Now is the best time of day
before the city awakes
monsters home in their beds
but I’m still afraid

 

 

 

4.

 

I pull off my t shirt
and look down at my ribs
is this all there is for me?
their cum and my vomit?

 

 

 

5.

 

Slept in the park
not a great idea.
found a bench
got kicked off.
for taking what’s
not mine
Steel toe-caps I’m sure

 

 

 

6.

Why do people believe in god?
Life is fucked up, nothing but hard
filled with sprinkles of hope
whenever the bastard sprinkles them?

 

At the mission we hear it, god’s will …
Yeah? So when will that be?
What did i do? Huh?
To be sentenced to this?

 

 

7. Dogs

 

Jeff is angry cuz I won’t

I can’t. why can’t he see that?

I do what he tells me, anyone

he fucking tells me

But please not that, not that

 

 

 

8.

 

I’ll never be a poet
Wanna write my
Early Morning Rain
It’s the song I hear
Every time I write

 

 

 

 

 

9. cutting

 

Partied with Jeffie and friends last night
We shoulda been out workin
The booze, it brings me down you know
Cried on some fuckers shoulder
Said he would take away my pain,
said he knew a way
So we found a razor blade

It lay there against my skin,
Silver and shining
He said, “just a little cut is all you need
to make you feel better.”
How would hurting myself help?
“baby boy, you are always hurting right?
this lets it out when it’s all too much.”

I held it, that razor blade, pressed it on my skin
Felt the sting, so sweet, watched the blood bubble
He looked into my eyes and I looked at his
we had a secret shared now
He kissed me then and pushed me back
licked the drying blood off my arm
then I knew, a thousand cuts would never be enough


 

 

 

 

10.

 

Sitting in the sunshine on a wall at Yonge and Wellesley
Watching the well dressed and wealthy walking
Fuckers pretend they can’t see us, like we aren’t here
We walk around to the alley, some business to be done

Prick doesn’t last long, one, two, three he cums
a twenty in my pocket, I watch him as he runs
To me they are only money, these dripping leaking cocks
but to them I’m nothing

 

 

11.

Today I want to write something good. I read poems and things and want that too. I got up early and came to the park. Want something to make me write something good. Why can't I write something good? Something people will want to read.

Early Morning Rain - by Gordon Lightfoot



You don't have to review these. I'm just finishing off this collecition

thanks tim
Copyright © 2017 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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33 minutes ago, Okiegrad said:

One of these really brought back some hurt and anger for me.  It's good to feel the anger sometimes.  Reminds me, haunts me, challenges me.    

 

Thank you for sharing!

I posted these and was talking to a friend.. about #3 and he said.. that's a good poem. And i remembered sitting by that window, silent tears falling, before going to bed for the day... feeling so so hopeless..

 

hugs my friend. good to see you. hope you're okay

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I remember all the jokes I've read and heard about people who work in the street... It's cruel, they have their lives too, who are we to judge... 

Thank you for sharing these. 

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Starts off with a punch to the gut and they just keep coming... Some very tough emotions here, Tim. Thank you for sharing this part of you.

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I can't separate these, tim. I can't analyze them... I don't know why, but it seems wrong. These are snippets in time, about one thing... your pain. I wish I would have known you then, and could have taken some of it away... given you that hope... but I didn't and I can't. You should be proud of the life you've built. I'd say you should be proud of the person you've become, but that wouldn't be right. You've always been this tim... underneath the terrible times, you kept that part of you we all love... we all cherish... xoxo

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These raw emotions are very real and I can see them through your words.  It's very brave of you to post them, your most vulnerable feeling.  I am glad you're a wonderful person today.  Hopefully those past events don't haunt you anymore.  :hug:

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I could review/comment all of them, but I think that is hardly the point. It is more about life what's written here, than the words themselves. What moves me is the insight, the emotions, the person we see emerging from behind the poems. I could never know your life if you didn't share these words - the pain, the searching, succumbing, wishing, hoping, suffering - it's all there in so few words.

 

Number 2 - On my knees before you. This was insightful, I doubt you realised when you wrote it how much it reveals. Because you obviously were focused on yourself, you saw things from your point of view, and that is not difficult to see why that would be. But what you wrote describes more than yourself. 

 

In this little poem it seems to me that you describe two worlds colliding. Colliding, they don't meet, they smash into one another, they touch each other - physically, but they never actually merge. That is a sort of ice cold reality, it sends a shiver through your body to contemplate it. 

 

The guy being given a blow job is in a fantasy world where he can command the reactions he wants, looking in his face - the power, swallowing - the power. You don't exist for him, you are part of a fantasy he will never achieve - when it's finished he will not be satisfied. He will pay and move on, but you can't buy magic - he doesn't know that, maybe he never will. You sell a service to survive - his world is not yours. 

 

This poem in a few words illustrates such a contradiction - it describes a physical coming together that exists, but is empty, gives nothing, with one exception - a twenty to survive and a hint that something is terribly missing.

 

It's a great poem, they all are. What could be more real than the words you wrote at 17, 18. Those words of angst are not yours alone, I think they exist in all of us. The circumstances of our lives are different, sometimes very different, but the reflections are the same. So I could never know what exactly that felt like - only through your words do we get a tiny glimpse, but I can in some way feel those feelings, because in a different life, in a different way I had them too.

 

There is I feel a book in there somewhere waiting to be written, a story more powerful than you might know, but I can understand, also incredibly difficult. I suppose that even sharing these poems is hard, you are giving a little bit of your soul with each verse - that just shows how far you have come, to be able to do that.

 

 

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5 hours ago, William King said:

 

There is I feel a book in there somewhere waiting to be written, a story more powerful than you might know, but I can understand, also incredibly difficult. I suppose that even sharing these poems is hard, you are giving a little bit of your soul with each verse - that just shows how far you have come, to be able to do that.

 

 

Thank you William. This made me cry. Because even now I can't be who I really am. What I really am. There is a story....but to write it I would have to share things I find it harder each day to hide. Thank you for what you wrote. This doesn't seem enough but I can't say more right now. Just know I appreciate your  words.

Edited by Mikiesboy
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10 hours ago, Headstall said:

I can't separate these, tim. I can't analyze them... I don't know why, but it seems wrong. These are snippets in time, about one thing... your pain. I wish I would have known you then, and could have taken some of it away... given you that hope... but I didn't and I can't. You should be proud of the life you've built. I'd say you should be proud of the person you've become, but that wouldn't be right. You've always been this tim... underneath the terrible times, you kept that part of you we all love... we all cherish... xoxo

No Gary ..you're right i was alway who i am now, though i hid him away sometimes, i had to, to do some of the things i did. But he was allowed out to open the window in the morning, to walk in the park and hear Lightfoot singing Early Morning Rain in his head, after the rain, when it was still cool and water dripped from the leaves. Cry there too, leaning against a tree... but it wasn't all bad you know.. there were times... people that were good too. You'd have been one of those.. thanks Gary

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Hi tim, I can not comment on single poems of this collection, I am with Gary. They are so personal, so emotional, so full of deep thoughts, ugly truthes BUT they are also so full of strength!!! Your light shines trough every word you wrote.

I am proud to name you brother and feel honored to be your sis and friend. xoxoxo

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8 hours ago, Ashi said:

These raw emotions are very real and I can see them through your words.  It's very brave of you to post them, your most vulnerable feeling.  I am glad you're a wonderful person today.  Hopefully those past events don't haunt you anymore.  :hug:

Thanks Ashi, you're sweet. Sometimes they haunt me still but i think that's normal. Finishing this collection brought stuff back and you have scars too that remind you. But you and all the people i meet here and in my life, help me move farther away and the past because less important. Thanks for your comments.. xoxo

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7 minutes ago, Lyssa said:

Hi tim, I can not comment on single poems of this collection, I am with Gary. They are so personal, so emotional, so full of deep thoughts, ugly truthes BUT they are also so full of strength!!! Your light shines trough every word you wrote.

I am proud to name you brother and feel honored to be your sis and friend. xoxoxo

No these shouldn't reviewed.. they are a snapshot of the past. Where i started to write but they were important to me because i discovered a release that didnt leave scars or hurt me. My love of writing started with these. I'm honoured to be your brother and friend too.. much love, Lyssa.  tim xo

Edited by Mikiesboy
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1 minute ago, Mikiesboy said:

No these shouldn't reviewed.. they are a snapshot of the past. Where i started to write but they were important to me because i discovered a release that didnt leave scars or hurt me. My love of writing started with these. My honoured to be your brother and friend too.. much love, Lyssa.  tim xo

I am glad beyond words, that you found this release!!! :hug:

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What Gary and Lyssa said ...

I believe in a version of karma that what we do and fail to do, as a community, a race or a species, will eventually come back to haunt everyone of us.  Especially for #10, if we choose to ignore the plight of those who're down on their luck, then we would pay a price, eventually; by condemning them to a life of pain and suffering, we too will suffer in some way ... we share in every triump and every failure that we, as humans, make ...

From Cloud Atlas

"Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future."

 

p.s. I am so going to hell, I reap what I sow, maybe not the depths of hell, but still ...

Edited by hohochan657
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I'm generally not a fan of poetry, but reading through yours has been such an emotionally overwhelming experience.There is such a raw, visceral quality to your words that keeps me compelled to continue reading even though i want to turn away because it is almost too private, too intimate. I've just discovered your writing and have read through the majority of the autobiographical pieces - you have come through so much, and the strength and courage it takes to share this leaves me completely awestruck. I simply don't have words to express my thanks for sharing your stories, your thoughts, and your truth. Please accept healing energy and good karma as you continue on your journey.

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