Habibi - 1. Chapter 1

I was running through the crowd, my anger driving me on. My feet tapped against the stone floor. Always stone, always marble. Didn’t these people ever want anything else? In this heat, perhaps stone was the only way to go. It was getting increasingly difficult to get anywhere in the throng of people and I had to finally slow down, panting both from running and the heated feelings stirring inside. My whirling thoughts were beginning to slow down. Maybe the mad rush had tempered my mood, dimming the hot burning anger that had made me react instinctual rather than intellectual.

When music started playing, I realized where I had ended up after my mindless run and what all the people around me where here for. The fountain. The so called dancing fountain, with its synchronized water and music show. I’d read about it somewhere. Apparently the biggest in the world. How many of those did they have here anyway? Biggest in the world? Friggin’ lunatics! As if everything came down to size. Some things, yes… But not fountains!

I stood there, finally still, breathing heavily from my sprint. I stared at the water and lights moving to the music. A song in Arabic. At least I thought so. I didn’t speak the language. The melody was haunting and the woman’s voice sounded both sad and happy at the same time. It didn’t make any sense. Just like my life these past days. Suddenly, a word stood out from the lyrics. It was that word again. Habibi…

As if on cue, I saw a familiar face in the crowd to my left. Baqir. Then he wouldn’t be far away. Sure enough. When I turned around, there he was. My body twitched, wanting to take off again.

“Don’t run.” His voice was calm. Always so fucking calm. Like we hadn’t just argued. Like I hadn’t just yelled so many ugly words to him. “Let’s go home, so we can talk.”

I snorted. Home. He still didn’t get it? The anger took hold of the pit of my stomach again, but before it got to my head, he was in front of me. He reached out and caressed my cheek. I wanted to bat his hand away, but I stood still. Damn his power over me! His touch made my anger dissolve and vanish like misty breath in winter. Just like it never existed. All because he put his hands on me. No wonder I had to run. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get a chance to release my anger.

“I’m sorry. I’m immature and used to always getting everything I ever wanted. I guess I did the same with you. I didn’t think. I’m an idiot. Can you forgive me?”

The woman’s voice followed the music, slithering over me, wrapping around me, undulating through the air. There it was again. That word.

“What does it mean?” Confusion was making it hard to think. Why couldn’t I stay angry? I really should be angry.

“What are you talking about?” His eyes never left mine. His dark, almost black on my hazel.

“That word. Habibi…”

A slight smile settled on his lips and his face seemed lit up from inside. The tips of his fingers traced my jaw, ending up my lips.

“Beloved…”

“Oh…”

It still didn’t seem real, what had happened. But here I was. The past days came crashing through my mind. Days that seemed to have change my life, whether I wanted it to or not.

Due to delays, I had almost missed my connecting flight home and had to hurry through the massive airport so I wouldn’t get stranded. The journey through Asia had been an amazing experience, but not the adventure I had planned. Mainly because my boyfriend of five years who was supposed to go on the trip with me had cancelled at the last minute. Not only the trip, but our whole relationship. He wanted to cancel and get the money in return. I had however refused and left, angry and hurt. On the plane out, heading for Thailand, I had started to regret that decision, fearing I would spend the next weeks alone and lonely. Instead, travelling alone had made it easier to strike up conversations with other travelers. Apparently, going alone wasn’t all that uncommon and after a few days I realized why. You never were truly alone. There were interesting people everywhere and I was now on my way home with a lot of new friends.

My phone beeped. The airport wifi was working at least. I decided to chance a glance at it while I was walking as fast I could. “Babe, I can’t wait to see you.” Simon. Again. My ex had for some reason changed his mind and was now trying to get back together with me. He thought I was being unreasonable, since I claimed we were definitely over. The break was just a phase. He had been feeling trapped. Just needed some space. All of this was apparently not something I should get upset about hearing. I didn’t see it his way.

I was planning my acidic reply, when I walked straight into someone. We both huffed, in surprise on my part, and a few seconds later I was on the floor, pushed down by two guys who then thought it was a good idea to stay there. On top of me. Buried under two very impressive guys, I found it hard to breathe. I couldn’t move and any words I tried to utter were muffled by what I believed was a shoulder. Or an armpit. I sincerely hoped it was a shoulder.

Someone said something in a language I didn’t understand. The guys released me immediately and pulled me up. I was face to face with the guy I’d run into. He looked at me with calm, dark eyes. A shiver went through me. “He’s fucking gorgeous” ran through my head before I could stop it. Ok, now I had proof I had been celibate for a bit too long. But it was true. Everything about him was attractive. The dark and well-groomed hair, his strong nose, slightly fuller than usual lips… The suit he was wearing complimented his body perfectly.

Just about then, I noticed a hint of a smile on his lips. I realized I was staring and to pretend I wasn’t I looked around for my backpack and retrieved it from the floor where it fell when I was tackled. He spoke again, in that low and gentle but nonetheless firm voice. I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“American?” His question made me cringe. I knew we weren’t always popular in these parts of the world and I really didn’t have time for any trouble. I nodded, since I couldn’t actually lie without being very easily found out.

“I studied in New York. Most fun time I’ve had so far.” He smiled at me, a brilliant smile with teeth so white they almost blinded me. I guessed his darker complexion contributed to the effect. Still, it didn’t seem fake, but genuine. Or maybe I was just biased due to his looks. I really needed to end my celibacy.

“Well, I’m from San Francisco. Only been to New York for work.” I glanced at my watch and my stomach lurched. I was so late. So, so late. “I have to run now. I mean literally run. Sorry for running into you!”

He started to say something, but I turned from him to rush on, even though I would have preferred to stay in his company. Only when I had got across the airport and was standing in line for yet another security check, did I start to wonder about those guys that tackled me. They were pretty big guys and their reaction told me they were his body guards. Who was he? Someone important, no doubt. And I had managed to almost run him down. Smooth, very smooth. Well, if I could just get on my flight, no harm done right?

As I put my hand luggage on the conveyor belt to be x-rayed, I got my usual case of nerves. Why do you always feel like you have done something wrong, when you’re standing there, waiting to be given the wave through? The men operating the security check were all dressed in either those white gowns with a cloth on their heads or in full military gear, with very big guns hanging over their shoulders. Neither put me at ease and I sighed in relief when I passed through the metal detector without a sound. Standing waiting for my bag to emerge, I fiddled with my phone. I suddenly was aware of a shift in mood around me. I looked up to see several of the military guys closing in on me. Then all hell broke loose.

Hands reached out and grabbed me. Before I could react, I found myself dragged off to the other side of the huge security area. No one said anything to me; they only spoke between themselves in that language I didn’t understand. I was pushed inside a small room and made to sit in an ugly red plastic chair. In front of me was a table with a slightly cracked surface. One man held up my backpack and pointed at me. I gathered he wanted to know if it was mine, so on instinct I nodded. Immediately, I regretted my decision, but then again they probably already knew it was mine. I had put it through that damn x-ray machine.

The man put on gloves and reaching in to the bag, he pulled out a small packet and threw it on the table in front of me. I stared at it, not recognizing it. He opened a corner of the packet and I went cold all over when he proceeded to pour out a white powder on the table. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what that was. Or at least could be.

“That’s not mine! I’ve never seen it before! I swear I haven’t seen it!” He looked at me with cold, assessing eyes. I thought he understood, but it was clear he didn’t believe me. Scooping up then content and the packet itself in a larger plastic bag, he left the room. Leaving me with two guards and my whirling mind. I was nauseous and hyperventilated. Since I didn’t want to end up in a full blown panic attack, I tried to breathe deeply and focus on that. I couldn’t think about what that packet in my bag could mean for me, not yet. It was a mistake. They would understand. They had to understand.

Time passed and I managed to calm enough to start thinking. Why didn’t anyone come to talk to me? What was going to happen? Did they have the death penalty? That thought had my throat closing up on me again, so I pushed it away. My flight had left a long time ago and still no one came in. At least no one who would talk to me. I tried asking the guards, but they only stared straight ahead saying nothing. Maybe they didn’t speak English. Maybe they were silently disgusted by the pathetic drug dealer, meaning me.

Finally, I couldn’t take anymore and I simply started crying. The anxiety and uncertainty broke me. Fear made me cry. I put my elbows on the table and leaned into my hands, just letting go. I was so lost in my sad state I didn’t hear the door open or anyone enter. Suddenly, there was a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, almost falling out of the chair. When I turned my head, I saw him. The guy from the airport lounge, the one I ran into. At first my brain didn’t connect, but when it did things still didn’t make sense. What was he doing here? I tried to dry my face, realizing I really needed a tissue or five. He held out a bottle of water to me. Gratefully, I took it and downed about half before I could stop myself. Was it such a good idea to accept a drink from him, a stranger? A stranger who apparently had access to a person in police custody? I looked at the bottle and tried to remember if it had been unopened. Before I could make any sense of things, he spoke.

“This situation is very serious. We don’t take drug smuggling lightly. The penalties are severe. Care to explain yourself?” Though his words were serious, his voice was still warm and somehow made me feel safe, which was ridiculous. I was anything but safe at the moment.

“What are you doing here? Who are you?”

“I believe I should be the one asking the questions. But for your information I’m Sayed Al Khartoum, head of police.”

Head of police? What the fuck? Even if the packet had been mine, this would not be a case of that magnitude. I guess my confusion must have showed because he continued before I could say anything.

“I happened to be here and my officers wanted to be certain no diplomatic situation arose. You being an American could be problematic. So I stepped in.”

Diplomatic? Problematic? I didn’t like the sound of that. The sound of a long, long time in a foreign country.

“It’s not mine! I swear I’ve never seen that packet before! Please, you have to believe me! I have never… “I choked up and the tears started up again, effectively stopping me from pleading anymore. I felt stupid crying loudly like that, no control, but being so scared made it impossible to stop.

”That’s for the police investigation to find out. I advise you to cooperate.”

I nodded frantically, as if eagerness would speak in my favor. Perhaps it did. I couldn’t tell.

For the next few hours, I was interrogated by two stern looking men in olive green uniforms. They asked the same questions over and over again. I tried to be patient, but ended up yelling at them.

”I don’t know anything! I’ve told you that so many times now! Why won’t you listen? How hard can it be?” Seeing the grim looks on their faces, I immediately regretted my outburst and sank back down on my rickety chair. ”Sorry. I know you’re only doing your job…”

After an exhausting day and night, the guards brought me to another room. A cell, more or less. No bars or anything, but clearly a room you couldn’t get out of easily. Small window, sturdy door. I wasn’t going anywhere. Collapsing on the cot in the far left corner, I fell asleep before my thoughts could take over and force me to stay awake. I half expected nightmares, but instead I slept like the dead.

In the morning, it all started again. The same questions from the same guys. I gave them the same answers. Just when I felt another outburst brewing, that other guy stepped in the room. Sayed something. The officers interrogating me stood up, practically at attention. They spoke for a few moments and then they left. I was alone with him. It struck me as odd, but at least there was a break from the questions.

”I’ve spoken to the embassy, informing them you are here and the ongoing investigation. They were most concerned, but at this point they feel the process should run its course. They don’t see that you are in need of counsel at this preliminary stage.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. What did they mean no counsel? I was being detained on what had to be very serious charges and they thought I could go it alone? I had no time to protest before he continued.

”I know this looks bad for you, but I will be honest with you, Mr. Forrest. We did a background check and here’s what I saw. A man who has never been in trouble before, not even speeding tickets. You’ve never been abroad until now. It doesn’t make sense for you to actually be involved in this. You could possibly be what we call an unsuspecting mule.”

I had to take a moment to process his words. When they sank in, the relief I felt was enormous. So great I quite inappropriately started laughing and I couldn’t stop. He let me laugh it off, saying nothing.

”So I can go home?” I managed to get the question out between bouts of laughter.

”No, not yet.”

Well, that killed my laughing spree.

”What? Why not? If you believe me?”

”It’s not that simple. We still have to investigate the matter and that will take some time.”

”But I have to go home! I have a job! I can’t call my boss and tell him I’m being detained for questioning on drug related charges! Please!” I didn’t want to lose my job, but I had already been gone for three weeks. More vacation would not be expected, certainly not with such short notice. Being suspected of a serious crime wouldn’t help either. Sayed looked at me calmly. I got the feeling nothing much upset or stirred him. We stood there, neither saying anything. I had to fight my instinct to squirm under his scrutiny. He walked over to the door and opened it.

”Rafiq!”

One of the guys from the airport showed up. They spoke quietly and Rafiq left.

”He will talk to your boss.” His words had panic spreading throughout me and it probably showed, because Sayed continued quickly. ”Don’t worry, he’ll make up some believable story. We hire you to do a job. They’ll get paid for your time. No more questions.” He smiled at me, as if this was nothing. I went from confused to angry.

“This makes no sense! You’ll have me lie to my boss and for what? Nothing!?” I yelled the last word right in his face. It didn’t seem to bother him.

“It’s decided.” His tone let me know this was the end of this discussion. And honestly, what could I do? I had no money, no passport, no credit card. Since I would hardly get those items back anytime soon, I was staying put. At their mercy. I sat down again, heavily and with resignation. He moved to stand beside me and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Do not worry. I will do what I can to have you out of here as soon as possible.” He squeezed gently and I nodded, sighing.

“Come!” He walked over to the door and opened it. He looked at me expectantly and it took me a few moments to realize he wanted me to follow. I got up and together we left the stuffy room. Side by side we walked through what I assumed was the airport police headquarters, with Rafiq and the other guy right behind us. People working either stood and bowed or simply shrank away in their seats, heads bowed. Sayed apparently had a lot of power. When we got in the elevator, I finally dared to speak.

“Where are we going?” I felt so very small next to him and the other guys, even though our difference in sizes actually wasn’t very significant. It was more a feeling of not being in control that enhanced it.

“I can’t let you stay here. You will stay with me. A sort of house arrest, I guess you’d say in the US. You are my responsibility now.”

It was so strange, but I thought anywhere would be better than that cell. I just hoped I wouldn’t end up somewhere worse. Not knowing what to expect was scary. I glanced at Rafiq, wondering who he was.

“This is Rafiq and Baqir. They are my personal assistants.” I guessed the incredulous look on my face prompted him to continue. “They do have training as bodyguards as well. If you need anything, just ask them.” The guys nodded curtly and then resumed staring into space in front of them.

We got into one of those huge cars that more resemble a tank. Rafiq and Baqir took the front seats and I sat next to Sayed in the back. The silence between us soon became uncomfortable, at least for me. Sayed didn’t seem to mind at all. I tried to distract myself by looking out the tinted window. After I noticed the fourth or fifth very large sign with the face of man in traditional Arabic clothes, looking very stern and also extremely arrogant, I started to giggle nervously. Sayed looked over at me, raising an eyebrow.

“Wow, that guy must be selling something very dull! Or the marketing people really need a refresher course!”

“It’s my uncle.” Sayed’s comment made me go red all over. It felt like even my toes blushed.

“Oh…”

“And yes, he is very dull.” At first, I thought I had misheard, but then Sayed winked at me and I relaxed. “He is the ruler of our country. The president.”

Sayed started explaining about his family and how they ran the entire country. He made it sound like a family business rather than a country. He had eleven uncles and countless siblings and cousins. When he had explained how one of his cousins was set to take over as ruler eventually, I just had to open my mouth.

“But you don’t have elections? Isn’t that like a dictatorship?” As soon as I said that, I wanted to bite my tongue. It was as if a light was turned off and the smile vanished from Sayed’s face.

“It’s not our way.” Once again, he made it clear that this wasn’t a matter open for discussion. I didn’t agree with the idea of not being able to elect your leader, but I didn’t want to upset him and risk ending up back in that cell. The rest of the trip was done in silence.

Coming to his house was like stepping into a Disney castle from the movie Aladdin, only smaller. It was built in a sort of Arabic fort style, pale yellow, almost the color of sand. There were flags hanging over the door and many of the windows. Inside, the house was cool, which felt good in contrast to the outside heat. Marble floors and white walls made it feel a bit like a hotel. We were greeted by two women who brought water for us. I greedily drank half a bottle. Thirst seemed my constant companion in this place.

“Amina will show you to your room. Please stay there until someone comes to get you. I will show you around, but I need to attend to some things first.” Sayed started talking to Rafiq and I took that as my cue to leave.

My room turned out to be more of a suit, with a sitting room, bedroom and of course a bathroom. I saw the gigantic shower and suddenly realized I hadn’t showered in two days. Amina noticed my attempt to discretely sniff myself and smiling she indicated for me to follow. In the closet in the bedroom, someone had hung my clothes and arranged my things on a dresser beside the bed. Apparently, this house arrest thing wasn’t a completely spur of the moment thing. Something about that bothered me, but I pushed the thoughts aside. Grabbing clean clothes, I instead headed for the bathroom.

That shower was the best I had ever had in my life and I stayed in there for a very long time. Hot water wasn’t an issue, apparently, and I slowly filled the bathroom with steam. Standing in the cascading water, I felt my body relax. Closing my eyes, I let it rain down over my face. Suddenly, I was aware of movement behind me. I turned and started when I saw Sayed standing there, watching me. Being naked in locker rooms had never bothered me, but now I felt very, very exposed. His face was indiscernible, but his eyes were most definitely on me. A little voice in the back of my head told me this was another weird thing. They were beginning to add up. What the fuck was going on?

“Feels good?” He sounded like he was amused by something or someone. Me perhaps.

“Yes, this heat isn’t exactly conducive to not smelling.” I tried to joke to ease the tension that was building between us. He didn’t laugh and didn’t look away. Yes, something was definitely up. It started to feel ridiculous, so I grabbed a towel and wrapped myself in it. Dripping all over the floor, I then stood there waiting for him to take the hint and leave so I could dry off and get dressed. No such luck. Doing a reverse striptease was a truly strange experience. I turned my back towards him, but that only meant I could feel his eyes on me. When I pulled on my t-shirt, he finally left. I could at least do my hair in peace. My hands were shaking slightly. I tried to write it off as fatigue, but I couldn’t deny that familiar feeling low down in my stomach. Sayed was a very sexy man. From the way he was acting, I figured the attraction was mutual. Didn’t they have laws against being gay in this part of the world? Wouldn’t they have laws against getting involved with a suspect in a crime? Then again, he was practically a royal. Perhaps laws didn’t apply to him. Besides, getting involved with him would be very stupid, no matter how attractive I found him.

When I got out of the room, I stopped and stared. Someone had set a table for two with all kinds of delicious looking foods. Lit candles and fresh flowers made it all seem very date like. Sayed held out a hand towards me.

“I thought you might be hungry? We could eat and then I’ll show you around.”

I sat down, with Sayed holding my chair. Such a gentleman. Again, the whole situation made me break out in a nervous giggle. Again, he raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry. I just find all this so surreal. Is this detention or dating?”

Sayed only laughed softly and then started telling me about the different foods in front of me. Everything tasted amazing and soon I forgot about the reason I was there, being able to focus on simply enjoying myself. He told me stories of his childhood and explained more of the history of his country. I found myself leaning further and further over the table, as if I was drawn to him by some unknown power. Or unknown… I knew all too well what drew me towards him. His eyes glittering when he told me something funny, his lips closing on a morsel of food, his hands as they moved through the air when he spoke. I caught myself wondering what he would look like naked, which made me shake my head. I couldn’t sit there thinking things like that. Was I really that desperate?

After a long lunch, we went for the promised tour of the house. I realized I would get lost very easily and tried to remember which door led where. In the back, there was a swimming pool and an outdoor lounge area. I could picture myself having a drink pool side, just chilling.

“You can use the pool if you like. No need to stay in your room while I work. Just remember to use sunscreen.”

“Yes, mom…” I tried to sound like my 14-year old self from way back when.

He shot me a confused look, but then started laughing. He showed me the pool towels and then excused himself. I ventured back and managed to find my room, fetch my trunks and get back outside without getting lost. Being a good boy, I put on sun lotion and then lay out in the sun. I started thinking about my family back home and decided I had to call them. Sayed would have to let me call them. Mom would freak, but not knowing why I wasn’t home would be worse.

He didn’t come back for quite a while. When he did I was kind of bored and seeing him made me much happier than it should. Bad idea. We spent the evening outside, watching the sun set and simply talking. Amina showed up with more food at some point, but I hardly noticed. I was too caught up in Sayed. Very bad idea.

A few days passed. I got to call my mother and explain what was going on. As expected, she was on the verge of panic, but I managed to calm her down by saying I wasn’t in jail and that I was sure everything would be cleared soon. I could perhaps even get home for Christmas. I called my boss too, trying to play along with the story Rafiq apparently had told him. When I heard the amount of money that was being paid for my “services”, I blushed. That was way more than I usually could generate for the firm in the same amount of time. It also made me feel uneasy and brought back the nagging thought something was going on. Those thoughts somehow melted away when I was with Sayed. He had a strange sort of effect on me, making me forget why I was in his house, making it seem like I was a guest and not under arrest. It was like I’d had my vacation extended, hanging out by the pool and Sayed when he was off work. We watched movies or listen to music. One night, we lay out by the pool, gazing at the moon and the stars.

“It’s so beautiful…” I was staring up at the night sky.

“Would you like to see it from the desert?”

“Oh wow! That would be so cool!” Realizing I sounded like I was indeed 14, I tried again. “I mean I expect it to be even more beautiful.” We made plans for the next day and images of camels and sand dunes floated through my head. I laughed at myself. This experience was turning my life into a cheesy novel. Me and the sheik out on a camel under the full moon… We chuckled a bit at that, me being careful to edit out any naughty innuendo. Not sure I managed, though.

When I opened the door the next morning, I was very surprised to find Sayed dressed like a proper sheik with that white gown and the head gear. I started laughing, certain it was a joke. When Sayed held out another gown for me, I stopped laughing.

“I’m sorry, you just surprised me. I didn’t mean to laugh at you.” Feeling stupid, I looked at my feet.

“It’s ok. We do wear these. It’s call a dishdasha. They are especially comfortable in the heat of the desert. Won’t you try it? I’ll be right back.”

I took the clothes and put them on. It was not only the gown, but some sort of undergarment. It looked a little like a skirt, but since I was already essentially putting on a dress, I figured I might as well go all in. Sayed was right. It was comfortable. The head gear was more difficult, but I finally managed to get it on. Looking in the mirror, I vacillated between feeling like I was going to a fancy dress party and like I was actually pulling this off.

When Sayed came back, he got this odd look on his face when he saw me. Standing in front of me he seemed to take a moment to simply look at me. The he reached out and touched my head gear.

“You look good, almost native. But this is backwards…” I could hear he was trying not to laugh and I appreciated his effort. He took the thing off my head and then after folding it with swift movements, he put it back on. Adjusting the ropes that held it in place meant he was very close, so close I could feel his breath on my cheek, smell his after shave and also his own unique smell. It sent shivers along my spine.

“There you go.” He turned me around to face the mirror instead of him. He let his hands follow the edge of the cloth of the head gear down towards my shoulders, which meant the back of his fingers ended up caressing my cheeks and the side of my neck. I felt the heat from his body behind me. “Now you look like one of us, habibi.” He more or less whispered the words in my ear. Our eyes met in the mirror and my heart did a somersault in my chest.

Almost as soon as the moment arose it was over. Sayed took a step back and motioned for me to follow. He started telling me about the place we were going to and it sounded so very beautiful. To me, the desert had always seemed like dead and barren, but hearing him describe it made it sound like the most amazing place on earth. Rafiq was driving and the surroundings were in fact surprisingly beautiful.

When we got to our destination, I saw a four wheeler standing by the tent set up for us. Sayed held out a helmet for me and after exchanging the head gear for helmets, we were off. He drove at what I considered insane speed over the dunes and I clung to his back, desperate to not fall off but laughing nonetheless. I realized of course this was part of his plan, but somehow it didn’t matter. In fact, I found it cute he had thought of a ruse to get me close to him.

When we got back, Rafiq had set up more food picnic style on Arabian carpets in the tent. The sides of the tent were folded back so air could pass through and we could see out. We lay down next to each other. By now I knew some of my favorites when it came to the local food and apparently Sayed had paid attention to my preferences. All my favorites were present.

“This looks delicious.” Our eyes met again and that frisson travelled through my body again.

“I hope you enjoy it, habibi.”

It was the second time I heard him call me that and I thought I would ask him what it meant. The way he pronounced it made me feel good, comfortable. Before I got the words out, Sayed got busy serving me and I decided to save my question for later. We ate, talking quietly. It seemed both of us had suddenly realized where this was heading. I knew it was a bad idea, but the pull towards him was just too strong. To lighten the mood, I went with humor.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” I tried to be funny, but the laughter wouldn’t come. He simply looked at me with his serious, dark eyes.

“I am wooing you.” The statement sounded ridiculous and I expected him to laugh, but he didn’t. Could he actually mean it?

“Woo? I don’t think I’ve ever been wooed before. No one does that these days.” Still, no laugh. Only a crooked smile.

“Well, is it working?” His eyes upon me were burning through my defenses. Not good! I felt a need to be honest though.

“Perhaps.”

Stupid as it sounded, I felt myself blush and there was that distinctive heavy feeling in my stomach. I wanted him and I really shouldn’t. He was in effect my jailor. This was not a holiday and he wasn’t a fling I’d hooked up with in a bar. None of this mattered to my body, apparently.

His eyes never left me as I went through this train of thought. He was so calm, as if he was waiting for me to be done. Then he turned his gaze away, giving me room to breathe. Room to think. My thoughts were all of him right now, so I didn’t actually get any reprieve. What was this? Oh, who was I kidding? I knew perfectly well what this was. Question was how would I handle it?

We spent the afternoon talking and watching the sun set over the desert. When the stars came out, we moved out of the tent. Lying side by side under the vast starlit sky, we stopped talking. Just breathing in sync. I could feel him next to me, even though we weren’t touching.

“This is so beautiful…”

”Let’s go for a walk, habibi.” He held out his hand for me and I was grateful for the diversion to break the tension.

We strolled around the palm trees and I let my eyes travel over the surroundings. A thought flashed through my mind.

”This is an oasis!” My childish observation made him smile, but it was a happy smile, not derisive. I felt safe to say whatever came into my mind. Considering the circumstances, I was surprised, but it was a good feeling. I took his hand in mine. He looked down at our joined hands, then up to my face. He pulled me towards him and enfolded me in his arms from behind.

”Look, the moon is rising.” His breath was warm against my ear, his body molded against mine, sending sparks throughout me. We stood, unmoving except for our breathing falling in sync. Finally, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned and after a brief moment of hesitation, I pressed my lips against his. He didn’t flinch or try to pull back. Instead, he put both hands around the side of my head and held me as he responded with passion. I had to take a step back to keep my balance. He followed. I got caught in my outfit and this caused us to tumble backwards, down in the sand. He rolled on top of me and the feeling of him pressing urgently against me, made me hard in an instant. Our attraction exploded out of us and all I wanted was to be naked. I pulled at his dishdasha, trying to convey my intent without having to break our kiss. He lifted his face and seeing him all flushed only turned me on more. Finally, there was a crack in his calm exterior. Caused by me. He reached down to still my insistent hands.

”No, not here. I’m not having sex with you in the desert.”

”Come on, no one will see. There’s only Rafiq and he isn’t watching!” I did my best to get him on my track once more.

”it’s not that. Sex in the desert is not a good idea. The sand… It gets… everywhere. Believe me…” The embarrassed look in his eyes made me catch on. I started laughing.

”Oh, you know, do you? Have you been a naughty boy in the desert?” The intensity of our moment in the sand died down, but the closeness didn’t. We laughed softly and kissed for a while. When he was nuzzling my neck, he murmured in my ear.

”I want you in my bed. Naked, sweaty…”

And like that the heat was back. We got up and as fast as we could without actually breaking into a run, we got back to the car. Rafiq tried to look like he had no idea what we had been doing. The small smile playing on his lips gave him away. He didn’t say anything, though. Simply got the doors open for us to get in.

In the back seat, I first sat down next to Sayed, but then I thought ’fuck it’ and climbed up on him, straddling his lap. I had to pull up my white dishdasha, which made me feel stupid. However, the need to be close overruled any weirdness. Sayed eagerly helping me made it less awkward. His hands on my bare legs, caressing towards my ass, made me groan into his mouth. The drive home went unnoticed as we spent the whole ride kissing and grinding against each other.

By the time we pulled up at his house, we were both well beyond caring what Rafiq or anyone else thought. All that existed was our bodies, our need. In a haze, we made it through the hallways without knocking stuff over. We didn’t notice the bed until we fell over it. In a tangle of clothes, arms and legs, we got naked as quickly as humanly possible. Both so very hard and needy, there was no finesse or hesitation, just lust and determination. I’d thought my experiences so far when it came to sex had been as good as it got, but it paled in comparison to the bright flame that consumed me now. It wasn’t like me to lose control and lose myself in pleasure, but it was impossible to resist the tidal wave crashing over me. I called out for Sayed, surrendering to the power of my feelings.

Afterwards, we lay close together, panting and sticky. A shower would be so good. I just had to regain some control over my legs. A thought occurred to me.

”I thought this kind of thing was illegal here?” I felt Sayed tense up, but he tightened his hold on me.

“Technically, yes. It’s… I’m… ” He apparently struggled to find the words. ”It’s illegal, but as long as it’s a secret, no one investigates.”

I looked up at him. That sounded like a very bad deal.

”What? So this is your dirty secret?” I sounded angrier than I had planned. It did piss me off, though. I hadn’t been hiding since… Well, since never. I didn’t like the idea to start now one bit.

”No, it’s not like that. Everyone knows about me. I just don’t talk about it in public. The family prefers it that way. I…”

”But that’s terrible! You having to hide, not show who you are! That’s not right!”

”Habibi…”

”I would never accept that! I couldn’t live…”

”Habibi! It’s not like that!” He raised his voice to silence me, but then his expression softened. “I’m working with my cousins to slowly change things. My uncle is old and set in his ways, but he won’t be here forever. There will be change. Like there will be changes in other ways. Soon.” He let his fingers trail my cheek and the side of my neck. ”All I need is patience for a little while. That goes for anyone with me too…”

I opened my mouth to continue my line of argument, but I decided this wasn’t my battle. I would go home soon I hoped, perhaps in time for Christmas. Just as the thought crossed my mind, the idea of going home suddenly didn’t seem so appealing anymore. I really had lived celibate for too long if a little nookie could have me thinking silly things like that. Squashing that slightly disturbing thought, I got out of bed and pulled Sayed with me into the shower.

We ended up going for round two, but with the bonus of getting clean as we got dirty. Getting back into Sayed’s bedroom, I was very tired and sated in a way I hadn’t been before. Amina showed up with food and it was hard to tell who of the two of us blushed more at catching us in bed. Sayed seemed perfectly unaffected, his usual calm in place once more.

The following days were a blur of sex, talking, sex, some interrogation by the police, sex… It appeared impossible for us to be in the same room without ending up in bed. Or on a couch. Or a particularly soft rug. Even Rafiq’s desk saw some action. I hoped he wouldn’t notice, but he took one look at his desk, saw the items that had fallen off and smiled broadly. Just then, I almost wished the police would bring me back to the little cell, simply to get me out of there.

Sayed continued to show me his country. More desert, the sea, the city with all its high rises. We went out to dinner and even dancing one night. I could feel people’s eyes on me, but Sayed assured me it was ok. Seeing him dancing before me in his tight jeans made me forget everything else other than getting closer to him. I guess it was my own prejudice, but I hadn’t expected him to like dancing. He clearly did though, moving with relaxed ease, enjoying himself. Our evening out of course ended in bed.

I asked him repeatedly about the investigation and when I could be going home. He answered, but never gave any detailed information. The days were ticking by and when there were only four days left before Christmas, I decided I had to know. My family had to know. I walked into his office, interrupting him and Rafiq in some sort of discussion. I didn’t understand what they said, but it was unusually heated. Rafiq seemed almost angry, even if it was difficult to tell.

”Yes, habibi?” Sayed turned to me, smiling. Once again, I was reminded that I had never asked him about that word. Now was not the time. I had more urgent matters on my mind.

”I have to know if I can go home for Christmas. My mom is going crazy.”

Hearing this, Rafiq launched into another incomprehensible rant. Sayed held up his hands and I didn’t have to speak their language to know he quite curtly told Rafiq to shut up.

”What?” I had to ask.

”Nothing.” At Sayed’s words, Rafiq snorted. Sayed addressed me but looked at Rafiq.”It’s something the two of us need to discuss. Later. Alone.” Rafiq shook his head and left.

”So, when am I going to be released?”

”Soon, very soon I think.”

”But Christmas…?” I was pushing for an answer.

”Maybe. Let’s go to dinner.” Resigned, I followed him to the car and we left for one of those big shopping malls that also held a variety of restaurants, some very expensive and also very good. Rafiq was there as always, discretely in the background. As we sat down, I made a new attempt at getting an answer.

”I have to know how long this investigation will continue. It shouldn’t be so difficult to get an answer!”

Rafiq coughed and then he retreated even further away. Sayed suddenly looked very uncomfortable. He started fidgeting with his napkin. Seeing him like that was worrying. I got nervous. Was something wrong? Had they changed their minds about my innocence? But wouldn’t I be locked up then?

”Habibi, when I saw you in the airport, I could only think I wanted to meet you, get to know you. There was no time, though. You were rushing away and had no reason to stay, miss your flight. It forced me to think fast, but I’m not sure I made the best decision.” He fell silent, searching for words. I didn’t understand what this had to do with the investigation. Sayed had a habit of approaching what he wanted to say slowly and didn’t always go straight to the point. I waited.

”To get a chance to get to know you, I asked Rafiq arrange that package and that way we have been able to have these amazing days together and become close.”

It took a moment for his words to sink in. When they did I stood up so fast my chair fell over. Anger took over. Anger and feelings of betrayal.

”You did what!?! You set me up? Are you telling me you set me up?! What kind of fucked up individual are you?! Made me think I would spend the rest if my life in jail! Or worse! Do you have any idea what that’s like? No, you don’t, because you’re nothing but a spoilt moron living his fairytale life! I can’t believe you! What kind of fucking idiot are you?” By now, I was screaming. Sayed had gone very pale.

”Habibi, please calm down. I only wanted to get to know you…”

”That has got to be the worst fucking excuse I’ve ever heard!”

”But we’ve had a good time…?”

”A good time…?!? A good…” My words failed me, choked by anger. I turned and ran blindly. I could hear him shout after me. Habibi… Always that word. I never did ask him what it meant. Now, it was too late… I ran for a long time, no destination, but unable to stop.

Standing there before him, all the feelings that had built in such a short time made me so confused. I tried to hold on to my anger, but it slipped away.

Habibi. Beloved… The music in the background faded.

”Don’t run from me again. We should talk more in quiet. But I want you to know I regret what I did. It was wrong. Rafiq was right. I should never have done this. He’s been telling me I need to be honest with you. Please forgive me.”

I wanted to say no, stay strong and hold on to my anger, but he made it so difficult. All those nights, and if I was honest the days too, had been so amazing. Before I could answer him, Rafiq came rushing up to us with an envelope in his hand. He handed it to Sayed, who got a very thankful look on his face.

”This is my Christmas present for you. I know how much you wanted to go home for Christmas. Please accept it.”

I took the envelope. Inside was a ticket home, leaving tomorrow. Still tongue tied, I couldn’t get a word out.

”And if you choose to come back sometime, I will buy you return tickets. Just say when.”

Finally, I found my voice. I decided then and there it was time to gamble, take a chance.

”When I come back, I’ll buy my own tickets. I just need a few weeks to get things organized back home.”

The smile lighting up his face made my heart do its by now familiar somersaults.

”I’ll be waiting, habibi.”