To Sammy With Love - 9. Chapter 9

Peter arrived at the hospital about Nine p.m. It had been a mad dash from Mornington and he was hard-pressed to stay under the speed limit. Giving Sammy’s name, he was immediately sent to the intensive care unit. Desperate to find out news, he was then sent to the nurses’ station and asked to see ‘Samuel Forsythe’.

He was impatiently waiting for details when Billee walked out of a small waiting room.

“Oh Peter, Peter. I’m so glad you’re here. They won’t let me see him because I’m not a relative. You’ll get the same treatment.”

“Do you know what his status is? Have they told you anything at all?” Why can’t we talk to anyone?”

“Because we’re not family. I gather they have contacted his cousin

Maria and she’s apparently is on the way.”

“Damn, damn, damn. I should’ve called Maria and Karl. When I got your call, I just high-tailed it. Don’t think I even picked up my wallet. Let’s go along to the nurse’s station and see if we can’t get some details.”

But all they were told was that he is in intensive care, with serious injuries. Some of his ribs were broken and they’re worried he might have a punctured lung. As soon as the next of kin gets here, they’ll be able to see him.

“Look,” pleaded Peter. “We are his closest friends. In fact, much more close than the next of kin. He comes from Perth, and the two of us are the only friends he has in Melbourne. Please. Please - we’re anxious to see him.”

The nurse thought quickly and said, “Ok then - you can sit, but don’t disturb him. The doctor’s due to check on him in 15 minutes.”

With that she led them across the Intensive care unit and into a single room. Sammy laid semi- propped up with electrodes running from his body to several instruments. His head was swathed in bandages so that you couldn’t see his features. His right leg was propped up resting in a sling. He was unconscious. All that could be heard was the steady ‘beep, beep’ of the life-support monitors.

“Oh my God - Sammy, Sammy.” Peter whispered when he saw him lying in the bed. Both Peter and Billee looked at each other, stricken with anguish.

“Oh Peter, he looks so small and vulnerable. I don’t think anyone could survive what happened to him.” She started to cry silently.

Standing there looking in disbelief at the damage to Sammy’s body, Peter felt a surge of emotion that he’d not experienced before. He felt anger sure, but more powerful, was a longing just to hold the boy and somehow make him better. Peter knew then he was truly - in love.

Oh what have they done to you? What sick mind would want to damage such a beautiful young man? All you wanted Sammy, was to be happy and to share that happiness with those around you. And now they’ve brought you down. But Sammy - I pledge you this. I will not rest until I find who has done this to you. I also pledge, with every fiber of my soul, that I will never stop loving you.

Aloud he said simply “I love you Sammy.”

Billee looked at Peter. Then she quietly went around to him and hugged him with all the feeling she could muster.

“Peter - I’m sure that, in some faraway place, Sammy heard you. Please, please it would mean the world to him for you tell him that you love him when he wakes up. I don’t think Sammy has ever had anyone tell him that he was loved.”

So there they stood, two people sharing grief, when a doctor came in with two very large gentlemen.

“I’m Dr. Stevens. You know you shouldn’t be here. My patient needs complete quiet and rest. He is on our critical list. Follow me please?” Then he led them into the small waiting room that Billee and he had just left. Before Peter and Billee began to ask questions, the older of the two gentlemen said -

“I am Detective Murphy and this is my partner Detective Raddon.” Addressing Billee, he asked. “I take it you are Ms. Billee Seymour and you witnessed the attack?”

“Yes - I am.” Billee managed. “The whole thing took place in front -”

“Thank you,” interrupted Murphy. “We’ll get more detail in a moment.” turning now to Peter he inquired. “And you are - ?”

“My name is Peter Symonds. Samuel is a close and very dear friend.” Both cops’ eyebrows rose at this offering.

Turning now to the doctor he asked politely “Doctor, could you give us a brief rundown on the lad’s injuries?”

“He has three broken ribs, one of which is very near his lung. He’ll need an operation. He has sustained a compound fracture in the right leg as well as damage to the pelvic area. But what we are most worried about is his head damage. He sustained several blows to the skull that are very severe. We won’t know more until we x-ray and do an EPG. And now I must go back to my patient.”

“Thank you, doctor. Please let us know if there is any change in his condition.” With this he turned to Billee -

“Ma’am I believe you witnessed the whole attack. Could you tell us what happened.”

Billee looked up from where she had been staring morosely at the floor. “I’ve already told the other constable all about the attack. Why do you want me to repeat it? Why waist bloody time? You should be out looking for those animals. If I can get my hands on them I’ll . . .”

“Yes, Yes,” interrupted the detective. “I understand your anger. But we now believe this was a targeted attack. Please start from the beginning and try not to leave out details - no matter how unimportant they may seem.”

“Well, we went to the local pub, which incidentally is just down the corner, about 100 meters, and stayed there from 5.30 till 7.30. We were walking home after having our usual tipple; he drinks beer whilst mines wine. Just as we got near our front gate three ‘persons’ got out of a car which was parked up the road . . . “

“Did you see any rego number?” interrupted Detective Raddon. “Or notice the type and color of the car?”

“No - It was too dark, and frankly we weren’t anticipating any danger. But it was a sedan and either dark blue or black.”

“OK. Please continue.”

“Well, we didn’t take any notice of the men at first. We get a lot of young yahoos in Elsternwick. Time and time again our neighbors, me included have -”

“OK, just tell us what happened next.” This from the senior detective.

“Well - as I was saying before I was interrupted, the three men approached us. It was then we noticed they were wearing masks and I can tell you that really put the wind up me. I mean you only wear masks to a party and I can tell you there was no party anywhere . . .”

Exasperated Det. Murphy said, “Yes, go on please. What happened then?”

“Well, if you’d only let me finish without interrupting all the time, the leader called out “filthy poofter scum” then walked up to Sammy and said, “See if you like this you worthless little queer”. And then he started punching and kicking Sammy. I started to yell, but one of the other assailants pinned my arms around my back and placed his hand over my mouth. I was yelling and screaming but no one could hear me.” Peter sat with mounting horror as Billee continued describing the attack. He imagined the blows landing savagely on Sammy’s unprotected body.

“Then,” continued Billee, “there were two of them laying into Sammy with everything - boots, fists and knees. I struggled to get free, but the arsehole holding me was too strong. Then they started hitting Sammy on his face and head. He crouched down in a defensive stance to try and protect himself. But, two against one, it was futile. All the time they were yelling “Poofter”, “Queer”, “Faggot” and other terrible name; they were enjoying it. Finally, they stopped and ran back to the car. I went over to where Sammy was lying motionless on the ground. He was unconscious and bleeding badly. That’s when I dialed 000 and -”

“Well, thank you for that Ms. Seymour,” said Detective Murphy. “Could you describe the leader? The one you say approached Mr. Forsythe in the first place.”

“Not really. I mean it was dark and they were wearing masks. But, I tell you the one that was holding me had the worst breath I’ve ever smelt.”

“Was he tall, short, well-built, young, old - that sort of thing?” this encouragement by Detective Raddon.

“He was definitely young, tallish but running a little to seed. That’s all I can tell you. But, I’d recognize his voice anywhere. I’ll never forget it.”

“That’s OK - that’s good. Is there anything else?”

“Not Really. But just give me five minutes with the big bastard and I’ll cheerfully bite his cock off.”

The younger Detective turned to Peter and said -

“I gather you and Mr. Forsythe were in a relationship? How long have you been together?”

“Only a short few weeks, I met Billee through Sammy. Look, I’d better tell you - I’m married and my wife, as yet, doesn’t know about Sammy. My life’s in a mess.”

“Well, that your problem,” Said Detective Raddon rather coldly. “Do you know of anyone who had a grudge against Mr. Forsythe? Anyone, with a grudge big enough to instigate this attack?”

“No not Sammy, he’s only been over from Perth about six months and hasn’t met a lot of people. He met a couple of my friends one Saturday at the footy, but no one in my crowd is capable of doing this. He’s got a cousin Maria who he gets along with very well. I believe he also has made friends with Maria’s husband, Karl. But the rest of her family was quite cold to him when he came over from Perth - because he’s Gay.”

“Oh - I see. Well, thanks for that. Doesn’t sound promising, but we’ll follow up every lead.”

Detective Murphy then turned to Billee. “I know it’s very painful but we need you to come down to the station and make a written . . .”

At this point Maria and Karl came rushing up the corridor and, spying Peter, stormed into the room.

“Peter where’s Sammy. How is he? How bad is it? Can I see him?” This from Maria in a frantic voice.

“Excuse me,” said Detective Murphy. “I gather your Mr. Forsyth’s relations. His cousin?”

“Yes,” said Maria in a little voice, “And this is my husband Karl. What is going on, please?”

At that Detective Murphy brought Karl and Maria up to date. “Oh my God,” wept Maria. “Poor little Sammy. Who would do this to him? This is awful. When can I talk to a doctor?”

“He’ll be along soon. We’ll let him know that Mr. Forsyth’s relatives have arrived.” And turning to Billee he asked. “I gather you don’t know Mr. Forsyth’s relatives.”

With that Peter cut in and said “Oh' sorry, sorry. Maria this is Billee Seymour, Sammy’s landlady.” They all shook hands.

Addressing Karl and Maria the senior Detective asked, “Do you know of anyone who would want to injure Mr. Forsythe?”

“NO. Nobody,” said Maria forcefully “I mean who would want to hurt such a sweet young boy. Did they hurt him because he is Gay? I’ve heard of this going on, but never imagined anyone would hurt Sammy. He doesn’t have a nasty bone in his whole body.”

“Well, to answer your question, we don’t know who did this, but in our professional opinion, Mr. Forsythe was specifically targeted - by three unknowns. And in view of the scope of his injuries, we will be charging the perpetrators with Attempted Murder.”

“NOT GOOD ENOUGH,” shouted Billee. “I want to murder them. But first, I’ll castrate them and bite their cocks off. After they’ve bled to death, then you can charge me with Murder.”

“Woo there. Woo, Stop”, cautioned Detective Murphy. “Don’t go making statements like that. Look, I’m sure you’re in a state of shock. We’ll take you around to see the nurse. And if you’re Ok, we’ll get you to make out a written Witness Statement. OK?”

With that the detectives left with Billee. Maria and Karl went to find Sammy’s doctor. Peter was left alone in the waiting room.

Sammy, I love you. I guess I’ve never felt like this before. Never like this with Brenda. Please, please - don’t die Sammy. Live, live, so I can just hold you in my arms again.

But now I have to face the music, firs, with Karl and Maria, and then with Brenda. I’m sure Brenda knows that something is wrong. She’ll demand answers when I get home. I have to tell her the truth. I have to be honest not only to myself but to all around me. I’d better be prepared for some tough times ahead. To many people, I’m gonna smell like a piece of dogs shit.

“Coffee?” Peter looked up to see Karl standing there with two cups of steaming coffee. He handed one to Peter and sat down beside him.

“Thanks,” was all he could muster. For a few long moments, they sat side by side, not talking, just sipping the hot coffee. Finally, Karl broke the silence with -

“C’mon Pete, you have to tell me what you’re doing here. And this time I don’t want any evasive answers.”

“This is hard Karl, real hard . . . but I’m gay. I’m telling, because I can’t go on any longer living a lie.”

Karl did not speak as he tried to absorb this stunning news. He could see that Peter was very distressed and miserable.

”Well, I’m finding that very hard, not only to believe, but also to accept. Are you saying that you are having a relationship with Sammy?”

In a very tired voice, and fighting back tears, Peter acknowledged. “Yes, I am. I met Sammy just recently, before we all went to the footy. It was a casual relationship at first, but since that Saturday, we’ve grown very close - too close.”

“And what about Brenda, I take it she doesn’t know yet? Am I the first person you’ve told?”

“Yes buddy, you’re the only one I’ve told so far. I’m going to tell Brenda as soon as I get home.”

“Wow. Geeze, you’re Gay. I’m completely stunned. I mean, I knew something was up. Both yours and Sammy’s explanation about the mobile number didn’t ring true. I just didn’t cotton on that you were gay. Pete, I’ve known you for a long time and I never once suspected that you were gay - Wow.”

“Oh yes - I did well at covering up. But it’s been killing me. My whole life was a lie, Karl. Even without Sammy coming on the scene, the time had come for me to ‘come out’, so to speak. Look, I don’t want to get into details right now if you don’t mind. I’m trying to muster the courage to go home and tell Brenda. I know it’s going to be very bad. If you still want to talk to me, we’ll meet somewhere privately. Ok?”

“Of course I still want to talk, you silly bastard. In a way I’m embarrassed, here I am dumping my problems on you whilst you’re struggling with your own. We ought to start up our own little leper colony.”

At that moment, Maria came back into the room looking grim. She gave Peter a questioning look but all she said was -

“The doctor said it was too early to tell yet. They still have to run some more tests. But they tell me his condition has been stabilized. They’ll call me if there is any change. Peter why -”

“Maria,” Karl interrupted. “Peter and I have been talking and he’s explained everything to me. How about we all go home and on the way, I’ll fill you in. I think Peter would like to be on his way - Right Pete?”

“Yes. Thanks Karl. The sooner I get this over -”

Maria cast a questioning look Karl’s way, but he anticipated what Maria was going to ask.

“Honey, let it be for now. Let’s get moving and I’ll explain all to you. Pete - ring me as soon as you can - please.”

Driving back to Mornington, Peter was in emotional agony. He went through several scenarios to tell Brenda. Each one he rejected as worthless. In the end, he just decided to tell Brenda he was gay and let the chips fall where they may. There was no way to lessen the impact for Brenda. The kindest way was straightforward and simple. So it was with absolute dread he turned into his driveway. It was now just after 2 am.

I am now truly at the crossroads. This really is the moment of reckoning; I can't go on avoiding the dilemma anymore."

When he opened the front door, he could see the lounge room light on. Almost in a trance, he walked in to find Brenda standing next to a chair. It was obvious she’d been crying. For a moment, they just stared at each other; Brenda broke the silence.

“I really appreciated your phone call Peter; it was very considerate of you. After all, it’s not a wife’s place to know about her husband’s private affairs. I suppose I’m just being nosy. But having admitted that, who is this “close friend of yours who has been hurt” - you’re words I think.”

“Sit down Brenda - please sit down. I’ve got something to tell you. Something I’ve been hiding for a long time.” He paused, dreading what was to come next.

“Well go on, I’ve had enough suspense for one night. What are you going to tell me?”

“Brenda, there’s no easy way to say this - I’m Gay.”

For a long moment Brenda just stared at him, and then with anger and passion -

“Stop lying Peter. I’ve had enough of your evasions and lies. And if you think it’s Ok to joke, I’ll tell you - NO, NO, and NO. I don’t want to hear any more lies. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth - I’m Gay.”

“You’re Gay. That’s bullshit. You’re a married man - a wife and two children. You can’t be Gay. For Christ’s sake, we’ve been married for six years. We used to have an active sex life. I know about the birds and the bees. You can’t have sex with a female and then claim you’re Gay. NO. It’s impossible. It doesn’t make sense.” This last with a sense of fear.

“I agree with you there - nothing makes a lot of sense. I wish this is just some game being played. But it’s not. I’ve had to face the truth about myself.”

“OH, so this is some game eh. Tell me, when did you decide you were Gay? Was it yesterday, or tonight or maybe -”

Brenda suddenly stopped in mid-sentence, as if she had a sudden thought, and then whispered - “Samuel. Samuel, the Gay boy. Has this got anything to do with that piece of degenerate shit?”

“Yes. It does”, sighed Peter. “Please Brenda, let’s sit down - please.”

“Yes, that’s it. I see it now. He’s seduced you. He’s cast an evil spell and made you succumb to his filthy habits. I mean darling - YOUR NOT GAY. It’s impossible. Look -”

And to Peter’s distress, Brenda exposed both her breasts till she was naked from the waist up.

“Remember these sweetheart,” Brenda rambled on confidently. “Remember you liked to nibble me until I got real hard and then after the babies were born you used to taste my mother’s milk. YOUR NOT GAY, PETE. Anyone who can enjoy my breasts as much as you do, just - Cannot be Gay. NO, I see it now. It’s that creature. He’s cast an evil spell on you. But, don’t despair darling, I can overcome any evil that he’s put on you. Let’s go to bed now, it’s getting late and I have to get the kids ready for school and you must be tired after that long drive, and tomorrow is another day and I’m tired - Oh god Pete, I’m so tired . . . ”

Peter was horrified He never expected this. Shouting, screaming, tears and anger yes, but not total and absolute DENIAL.

“Bren, I’ve told you that I’m Gay. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to go to bed right now. If you want - you go. I’ll look in at the kids.”

“There, you see. You love the kids. Gays hate children. Which means that you’re not Gay? It’s quite clear to me you've been taken over. I feel better now. We’ll fight this together - tomorrow. But now I’m really tired -”

And with that Brenda, naked from the waist, strolled trance-like, off to bed, leaving Peter standing in the lounge room.

Stunned. Peter just sat himself wearily in a chair. In his favorite chair in his lounge room. Everything was the same and yet it was all different.

Denial. I never considered she would go into total Denial. What am I supposed to do now? I can’t just leave her and the kids and go some ware else for the night. I mean, I could always sleep at work. I need advice, but who is there to advise me. I’m a pariah. I’m going to be extremely unpopular with everybody. I’ve got to live with that. Shit. The best thing is to accept that everybody hates me and just keep surviving. I’ll make sure Brenda’s asleep and then I’ll get into bed with her. Boy - I need sleep.

One thing’s for sure, tomorrow is going to be a lot worse than today.

On that note, Peter tiptoed into their bedroom and warily eased himself onto the bed, being careful not to disturb Brenda.

Maria was still stunned. Peter - Gay. It just seemed incredible. When Karl told her, in a lifeless monotone, all that Peter had told him, she just couldn’t believe it. In fact, she refused to believe it. It was impossible. Not Peter. Now, as she and Karl sat at their kitchen table sipping unwanted coffee, she was forcing herself to accept the fact. Karl looked drained. Maria knew that his outwardly calm exterior simply camouflaged the turmoil within.

And, of course there’s Sammy. Now I have three crises’ to contend with. Sammy, lying in the hospital. Brenda, finding out her husband’s Gay and, of course, my own domestic strife with Karl. Its now, what, after 2am. What Brenda is going through right now is far more serious than my own problems. I desperately need to call her to offer help. That will have to be later this morning - perhaps Brenda will call me first. To be sure, neither of us will be going to school today.

Poor Karl. His best friend is a queen. It must have been a tremendous blow. Peter just didn’t look like a poofter. Well then, neither does Sammy. Geeze, I wonder how many other guys are hiding their sexuality from wives and girlfriends. I’m not going there. Being Gay - Yuk. I could never bring myself to talk to Sammy about what Gays did with each other. Yuk. Sadly now, our close friendship with Peter and Brenda will never -”

At this point Karl broke into her thoughts with - “Who do you think bashed Sammy up?”

“Oh . . . what? Maria responded, coming out of her reverie. “What did you say, Karl?”

“I said - Who do you think bashed Sammy up?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t got a clue. Why? That’s not important right now. Our two close friends are going through hell. That’s all I can handle right now. That’s all we should be worrying about right now. Let the police do their job. Are you going to see Peter today? Will you feel uncomfortable knowing that his supposed friendship might just be covering up from something more sinister? Do you think he wants to have sex with you?”

“Stop it Maria - Stop it, don’t go there. Peter is still the same guy that he was before tonight. Let’s cut him some slack. But, I’ve been thinking about the cop asking if we knew of anybody who wanted to harm Sammy, and the only person I know is your brother.”

“Nat! You think Nat had something to do with Sammy’s bashing. That’s bullshit Karl. Bullshit. Nat might not be an angel but he certainly isn’t violent. I mean he’s my brother. I would know. No, No. Nat wouldn’t have anything to do with such a vicious assault. And I don’t want you causing trouble by going to the police.”

“Alright, alright; we’ll draw up the wagons around the family. I didn’t say he did it, all I said was he’s the only person I know who has a grudge against Sammy. Struth.”

“Well, it’s very late and I’m really tired. Let’s go to bed and get some sleep with what’s left of the rest of the night.”

Peter slowly opened his eyes and didn’t move until he was fully conscious. He was alone. Instinctively he went over the events of yesterday. Bad. Bad. Bad. Whoever had said “The Truth Shall Set You Free” should’ve added “But Getting There Is Hell.”

There were sounds coming from the kitchen, so Brenda must be up and getting the children’s breakfast. But there was a strange silence. No childish laughter or winging. Just the sounds of pots and pans. He listened for a little while longer before summoning the courage to get up and get dressed. Casual, as he wasn’t certain about going to work.

Walking into the kitchen, he found the two girls eating their cereal in silence. They looked cowed. Brenda was at the bench buttering some toast. He couldn’t see her face. He said “Morning Girls” but as he bent down to kiss them both; Brenda whirled around and shouted -

“DONT TOUCH THAT CHILD - DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ANY OF MY CHILDREN - YOU FILTHY, DISEASED PIECE OF SHIT.”

The venomous tone and sudden shout made Peter jump back. Both the girls dropped their spoons and started to cry. Narrelle said “Mummy, Mummy”, and ran to Peter as if for protection. Little Susie started sobbing - “Mummy, I’m frightened. Please Mummy.” Undeterred Brenda, looking wild and out of control yelled -

“GET OUT. GET OUT - LEAVE US ALONE. I HATE YOU. YOU’RE JUST A DIRTY LITTLE FAGGOT. YOU REVOLT ME. GET OUT - I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.”

With that she threw down the knife she was holding, and fled back to the bedroom.

Peter was badly shaken. The girls were crying uncontrollably. Narrelle was still clinging to Peter’s legs. Making an effort to recover his composure he said, “Guys, Mummy’s not feeling well today. Just give her some time and she’ll be better. Now - are you both ready for school?” When they both nodded silently, he told them -

“Get your school things together and Daddy’ll drive you both to school.” Then he had another thought and called Maria on his mobile. When she answered he began -

“Maria, it's Peter. Look I know I’m not your most favorite person but right now I’m worried about my girls. Brenda is understandably taking this very hard. We need time together. Can you look after the littlies for today?”

Coldly Maria replied. “Ok, I’ll look after them for Brenda’s sake. I really don’t want to speak or see you again Peter. But the children are innocent and they should not be punished. Bring them over and I’ll take care of them.”

“Hanging up, Peter said to the girls. “How about you wag school today and spend the day with Auntie Maria? Eh, what do you say?” This was acknowledged by two faces nodding tearfully, but positively.

Dropping the children with Maria was extremely unpleasant. She was cold and conversation was even colder. Glaring at Peter, she said she would call Brenda straight away. Peter ventured to ask if she had heard any news about Sammy’s condition, but all Maria said was -

“No, I haven’t.”

After giving the girls a little pep talk and saying that everything was Ok, he drove off. Where to - ?

Well - I did it. I’ve been honest. So why do I feel so bad. I will never forget the look on Brenda face. Her pain will stay with me for a very long time. I feel like a piece of shit. I know other people hate me, but nothing like I hate myself, right now. I suppose I’m finally paying the price for being a coward. And a miserable coward. Look at the hurt and pain my cowardice has inflicted on those I love.

How do I face my friends and family? No one will ever understand why I chose to lie. They’ll just hate me for not telling the truth. Yeah - but while I’m here wallowing in self-pity a beautiful young man is probably fighting for his life. C’mon Peter - get a grip.

I need to contact Billee. Yeah. Maybe we can meet after 5 and go to the hospital. Also, I’ll have to find a place to stay tonight, probably for a few nights, until Brenda is capable of having a discussion.

I’d love to call Karl but I’ll have to wait for him to call me. That’s how it’s going to be for a while. I can’t blame my old friends for being pissed off. I lied to them. I held myself out to be someone else. And I can’t ask them to see it all from my viewpoint. Why should they?

Maria had tried calling Brenda three times, but there was no answer. Alarmed, she bundled the girls into her car and drove round to Brenda’s house.

Anxiously, she knocked on the door and called out, “Brenda, open up please - it’s Maria”. There was no response, so she knocked louder almost yelling, “BRENDA. BRENDA - IT'S MARIA. PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.”

To her relief she heard shuffling steps approaching the door, and a moment later, Brenda opened the door.

Maria was taken aback at Brenda’s appearance. She looked a physical and emotional mess. Her dress was all crumpled and her face bore the ravages of deep emotional turmoil. Obviously, she had been crying for some time. If she had felt anger at Peter before, looking at her friend made her furious. The rotten dirty bastard.

“Hi Maria, it's nice of you to come by”. And at that point both the girls jumped out of the car and flung themselves on Brenda.

“Mummy, Mummy,” they cried. “Don’t be sad, we’ll look after you.”

“OK darlings, you go inside and watch cartoons while Mummy talks to Auntie Maria.”

When they were safely established in front of the TV, Brenda came into the kitchen to find Maria making coffee. “Thanks,” she said. “I really need a cuppa. I suppose you know about Peter?”

“Yes - I do. Karl explained everything to me driving back from the hospital. I was dumfounded. Disbelief. I can’t get my brain around Peter being Gay. I know how I feel. I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. It’s simply, shocking. But my main concern is for you. How are you coping?”

“I’m not. In one night, all the security I felt yesterday has gone. Vanished. I thought I had a great marriage and family. I was looking forward to growing old and -”

Brenda started crying with deep racking sobs. Understanding the pain that her friend was going through, Maria put her arms around Brenda in a compassionate hug. Brenda was now sobbing uncontrollably. Maria just let her carry on, letting all her misery run its course.

Eventually she stopped crying and looked at Maria with a tear-drenched face. Instinctively, Maria sensed that Brenda badly needed someone to talk to.

“What am I going to do Maria? My husband says he’s Gay - he likes men not women. Does that mean that every time we had sex he was wishing I was a man? I don’t understand anything anymore. I - I - feel so dirty.”

“No. It doesn’t work like that. People are capable of deep loving for a person even though they might not have the same level of sexual attraction.” That I do know. Look - as bad as it seems now, it’s better to have happened now than later on. That being said, it must have been an awful shock. I honestly don’t know how I’d cope if Karl had said he was Gay. As it is we’re having serious problems.”

“Oh - I don’t know if I am coping. When I woke up this morning all I could think about was getting the kids off to school and then killing myself. Then . . .” And Brenda once again started to sob Maria could feel her whole body spasm. I was tearing Marias heart out to see her friend in such distress.

“Look baby - Come and have this coffee I made and well talk through this. You know as well as I do that nothing’s as bad as it seems. Although I must admit - It can’t get any worse than this. But let’s stop any talk of doing away with yourself. It’s not in your character and you’ve got the littlies to consider.”

Peter used the back entrance to his premises - the same as he did with Sammy the first time, and shut the door to his personal office. He called the office manager and told her that he didn’t want to be disturbed today. He was deeply worried both about Brenda and his girls. It was a relief to know that Maria was looking after the kids at least. Brenda might be very naive about life but she had a very strong character.

I know she’ll pull through eventually. Let her get angry and hostile towards him because that sort of emotion will help her cope - I hope. I deserve every insult that she can hurl. And I’m just going to have to take the shift from everyone. I really should think about moving away. But not from my girls. I will never abandon my kids. I still have the same responsibilities that every parent has towards their young.

Now that I’ve declared myself, I can begin to make decisions about my future. Sell the business and start up some ware else? That could be. But maybe down the line. Not now. I can understand if Brenda doesn’t ever want to see me. That’s OK. I’ll get a lawyer to handle the separation. Tonight. Where am I going to stay tonight? I’ll call Billee and throw myself on her.

Peter eventually got through to Billee about 2pm at work. He’d spent a few anxious hours trying to contact her. In the meantime, he called the hospital and got the automatic response - the patient “was doing as well as could be expected”. Frustrating.

“Hello. Vera’s Beauty Spa. Billee speaking.”

“Oh hi Billee, it's Peter. Have you got a moment, I need to talk to . . .”

” Billee interrupted with -

“Peter, I’m so glad you’ve called. Listen to my news. I just put down the phone with Detective Raddon. They have a suspect and have asked me to come in around 4pm to see if I can identify the person their holding. Isn’t it exciting? They really move fast. I guess that while we were sleeping the cops were working hard on the case.”

“Yeah - that is impressive. Four o’clock you say. Well I wonder if I can meet you down the corner pub around five? I’ve got a lot of news meself. Actually, I’ll call into the hospital before that, to check on Sammy.” “Oh Yeah - That would be great. Pete darling, I can’t begin to imagine what you must have gone through last night. You poor darling.

You need a big hug - a real big Billee hug.”

“Hey, thanks Billee.” said a very relieved Peter. “I’ll see you about 5 ish then.”

Billee always found Police stations intimidating. The cops never seemed to understand her. So what, she used a few unladylike words occasionally. Usually followed up by some deep and meaningful hand gestures. But this time was different. She was ushered into the Detectives room and offered a cup of coffee. And would she take a seat? “Yes thanks.”

Detective Raddon - Why do I keep thinking of a hard-on – explained where they were at in the case.

“We’ve had a break in the investigation. Your general description seemed to fit someone who is well known to us. However, we don’t have any proof, except you mentioned that you would recognize his voice. I believe he walked up to Mr. Forsythe and said, “See if you like this you worthless little queer” Is that correct?”

“Yes sir. I’ll never forget the words or the voice. Just let me get my hands -”

“Now,” Detective Raddon interrupted. “Listen very carefully. In a moment you and I are going into a line-up room where we have assembled six male persons. With us will be an attorney from the Public Defender’s Office. Normally, you would be able to see the participants for identification purposes. However, today you will not be able to see the men in the line-up. But you will be able to hear their voices. I want you to listen very carefully to the voices. They will say the words - “See if you like this you worthless little queer”. Listen carefully. Take your time. Don’t hurry. If you think you recognize a voice just say the number that belongs to the voice. Is all that clear?”

“Uummm Yes. Are you sure they can’t see or hear me? What about the attorney. Won’t they be able to identify me?”

“No, don’t worry. But as we explained, when you made your written statement, you will be required to give evidence, later in court.” “That’s very Ok”, enthused Billee. “Just let me get my hands on the fucker.”

Then Billee was taken to a room where she faced a glass partition which had been covered over for this occasion. A lady, obviously the Public Defender, stood by the partition. She nodded a greeting at Billee.

Detective Raddon asked of no one, “Are you ready?” and a disembodied voice replied -

“Yes. Number One. Please step forward, say you’re number and then the words you have been asked to say. Begin.”

Almost at once came a reply, “Ahh, number one - “See if you like this you worthless little queer.”

Billee almost turned to the detective to say “no” but he cautioned her to wait for all the participants to finish. One by one they stated their number and then the required words. Billee was feeling disappointed that none were familiar, until number 5 stepped forward and announced the words.

Billee stiffened. It was him. She could never forget the tone and implied menace contained in those words. She stood stock-still anger and hatred boiling up within her. She hardly heard number six - there was no need to. She had never been more certain in her whole life.

Turning to Detective Raddon, she said with barely suppressed anger. “Number Five - I’d put my life on it.”

The Detective nodded and turned towards the Public Defender. To no one in particular he instructed, “Bring out suspect Number Five, please”.

The door opened and there he was. Even without a mask, she recognized the build and the posture. With that the Detective intoned, “Nathaniel Brin Huntingdon - I arrest you for the attempted murder of Samuel James Forsythe”. And then read him his ‘rights’.