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    AC Benus
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

My Twentieth Year - 5. wicked abstractions

*contains references to suicide*

Poem No. 12

 

Moonless midnight

and memories

 

Phantoms in flight

difficult to keep in solidity

 

Too many memories

to remember

 

Such wicked abstractions

to which I have no identity

 

 

Poem No. 13

 

Prelude:

 

I hate to be alive,

how more simply can I say it.

 

I have nothing for to strive,

no happiness in which to simply sit

 

What possible gifts do I have to give,

when I take space and do nothing but stare

 

So I ask, for what reason do I live,

to cease such a life, do I think to dare

 

My problem with that, is this,

the world is so damn beautiful, why did God

 

Put a scourge like human kindness

on the planet to muck and mess up the sod.

 

All I know is that:

 

I hate to be alive,

how more simply can I say it?

 

 

Poem:

 

The blood rushing from my arms

making me impure by its super purity

rushing until perfect bliss be found.

Copyright © 2017 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 5
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Oh AC these were both so good. This may sound weird, but sometimes like with poem 12, i feel things more then i can describe. Maybe in a day something will come to me about how it made me feel.
13 well it's different, more in your face I guess. And well, you were young and I dont know maybe frustrated and questioning the meaning of life and why mankind does what it does. From what I know, thoughts of suicide aren't all that abnormal.
I wonder sometimes how looking back at these poems makes you feel?
tim

  • Like 1

No. 12 is a poem that will mean something different to the reader according to the mood. Fleeting thoughts just before sleep. Maybe even thoughts that keep you awake, Elusive, random, transparent.

 

No. 13 Rebellious and direct in a mindset where human kindness becomes a negative. Yet that same kindness probably prevented the incurrence of what in that same mindset is seen as pure bliss.
It feels like here could apply Goethe's later comment on The Sorrows of Young Werther, dealing with the same subject and written at pretty much the same age:
"That was a creation which I, like the pelican, fed with the blood of my own heart."

  • Like 1
On 01/30/2016 07:27 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Oh AC these were both so good. This may sound weird, but sometimes like with poem 12, i feel things more then i can describe. Maybe in a day something will come to me about how it made me feel.

13 well it's different, more in your face I guess. And well, you were young and I dont know maybe frustrated and questioning the meaning of life and why mankind does what it does. From what I know, thoughts of suicide aren't all that abnormal.

I wonder sometimes how looking back at these poems makes you feel?

tim

Thanks for your wonderful set of comments, Tim. How do being in contact with these again make me fee…? It's complicated. Mostly I suppose I feel sad for the young man who was so low in life and needed these words on paper to survive; but I'm also glad that he had paper.

 

Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me.

On 01/30/2016 07:28 AM, Parker Owens said:

So very sad. Why was human kindness made? There is a lifetime's argument in that question. And the deep, heartbreaking sadness peals like a deep bell throughout this poem.

Thank you, Parker. I love your comments, and I get a sense you and 'I' connected in regards to the human kindness poem.

 

I appreciate all of your support and feedback. I'm pretty sure this level of attention would shock the young poem who wrote these (so let's not tell him ;) )

On 01/30/2016 07:40 AM, Headstall said:

Out of likes, but the three poems felt like a journey to me... it was right to post them in the order you did. Some powerful thoughts here... I understood them so clearly... twenty, and the angst of it, doesn't really feel that far away to me, yet it is. Well done, AC... cheers... Gary...

Thank you, Gary, for a touching review. Before I started posting any of these young poems of mine, I decided the only way to do it was sequentially. There is a self-constructed context in which each poem sits, so it's wonderful to hear you mention the journey aspect they represent as shown here.

 

Thanks again. Your comments and support mean a lot to me.

  • Like 1
On 01/30/2016 04:30 PM, Defiance19 said:

Overcome and defeated is the feeling I get from these though I don't know that's how you felt exactly writing them. Still, I marvel at your 20 yr old self to so acutely express himself.

Thanks, Defiance19. I can say these words were a lifeline to me at the time, so the feelings you get are probably how the young poet was feeling.

 

Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. It's wonderful.

On 01/31/2016 01:54 AM, J.HunterDunn said:

No. 12 is a poem that will mean something different to the reader according to the mood. Fleeting thoughts just before sleep. Maybe even thoughts that keep you awake, Elusive, random, transparent.

 

No. 13 Rebellious and direct in a mindset where human kindness becomes a negative. Yet that same kindness probably prevented the incurrence of what in that same mindset is seen as pure bliss.

It feels like here could apply Goethe's later comment on The Sorrows of Young Werther, dealing with the same subject and written at pretty much the same age:

"That was a creation which I, like the pelican, fed with the blood of my own heart."

Thank you, Peter! I love to have Goethe quoted to me, and love that the image he employs is such a tormented (and Catholic) one. It's incredibly appropriate for how the young poet being reviewed here was feeling.

 

I love and appreciate your comments and support! Thanks again.

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