Caesura - 4. Chapter 4

Kris ran nervously about the room, opening drawers, the empty closet, and even went so far as to get down on his knees to look under the second bed to see if his last roommate had left anything dubious there. Not that he hadn’t already painstakingly cleaned the whole room yesterday, even scrubbed the walls. ‘Whatever the stains were that Cory had gotten on it…‘ Kris really didn’t want to know.

He couldn’t believe what was going to happen: Noël Carmichael was becoming his roommate!

Kris had had a crush on Noël since he had met him at orientation. They hadn’t talked more than three words then, and it would have taken Kris probably weeks to gather his courage, if it hadn’t been for Noël being late and rushing into the class seconds ahead of Professor Wagner. The man vigorously hated tardy students, and everyone tried to avoid the tongue-lashing they would get if they were late. If one was late a second time, the professor just pointed at the door. Missing class two times without a death certificate proving you really couldn’t make it, would result in failing the course with no chance to take it ever again.

Therefore, Kris had reacted fast and slid into the free seat beside him, so that Noël could easily leap in the now-empty chair.

Ducking under the professor’s death glare, Noël had grinned at Kris, wavy light brown locks damp from the rain, his strange blue-green-golden eyes with the darker rims around the iris winking at him conspiratorially. “You’re my lifesaver. Name’s Noël,” while the professor had been murmuring something about, “Close call, Carmichael.”

Later at lunch, they had discovered that Professor Wagner’s class wasn’t the only one they shared, and from then on, they had always sat beside each other, compared notes, and even started to study at the library together. They’d just begun to become real good friends when suddenly, after Thanksgiving, Noël had switched to taking online courses. The few classes he had attended he had always been accompanied by that hot looking friend of his who had also worked with him at Paolo’s Pizza Place.

He’d been wondering if Landyn was Noël’s lover. Now he knew they were just friends. Kris’s cheeks grew hot when he remembered how he fucked up at Noël’s home, thinking Noël’s lover… well, ex-lover, was his dad.

Looking around, Kris sighed. There was nothing else he could do; the room was as clean as it could be, and the beer and snacks were in the mini-fridge. Before it got even more ridiculous and he started washing the windows, he thought he’d better go downstairs and wait for Noël outside.

Once he reached the front steps, he heard a car coming down the street. Not being able to suppress his elation completely, Kris ran down his driveway and waved at Landyn and Simon enthusiastically when they stopped beside him.

Landyn opened the driver’s side door, immediately assessing his surroundings carefully, before he greeted him eventually. “Hey, Kris. Everything okay?”

“Sure.” Kris slowly walked to the back of the car. The man always made him somewhat uncomfortable when he was in what he secretly called the bodyguard mode. ‘Almost as if he’s waiting for an attacker to spring out from behind the bushes or something.’

Seeing the few boxes in the trunk, Kris blurted out, “That’s all?”

Landyn caught his eyes, pressing his mouth shut and shook his head slightly before he answered, “Yup, that’s all. Noël is traveling light.”

“Oh…okay, um that’s good, huh? Um…less work and all.” Before he’d spew out more nonsense, he grabbed one of the boxes, and nodded in the direction of the open door. “Follow me. I’ll show you the way.”

They had everything upstairs in less than ten minutes. Standing in the middle of the room, scratching his head, Landyn said, “This is nice, Noël, better than your old dorm room.”

“Yeah this is one of the newer buildings.” Noël leaned against a desk, scanning the boxes piled against the wall without really seeing them.

“Hey, what about Kris and I go and get some food and you and Simon can start unpacking?” Landyn took Kris’s arm and practically dragged him out of the room. “Come on, I know a decent Chinese restaurant not far from here, where we can get the best chow mein ever.”

“But I…” Kris had no chance to protest because Landyn was already closing the door behind them. “Si needs to talk to Noël about some um…personal stuff, so we’ll be gone awhile.”

***

Inside, Simon reached for the blue garbage bag containing the bedding and started to put fresh sheets on the bed. “First things first, you need your bed.”

“Yeah, I’m tired.” Noël rubbed his eyes.

Simon pointed at one of the boxes, labeled ‘Office.’ “Why don’t you start with setting up your laptop? After that you can put in some dates I have for you.”

“What dates?”

“The next council meeting, for example.” Simon fished his phone out of his pants’ pocket and looked at the calendar. “You’re still the Diarmad’s mate, thus you have to attend those meetings as often as you can. And there might be other things like work groups, and appointments with single council members.” When he saw Noël’s reluctant expression, he conceded. “I can understand if you’d rather not go, take some time before you see Diarmad again…but he is going to declare your separation, and I thought you might want to be present when he does.”

Suddenly Noël seemed wide awake. “Declare our separation?”

Simon threw the pillow he’d just covered with a little more force than necessary. “Yes. If mates don’t get along well anymore, they can declare a separation. They have to give an explanation and justify their decision. You might want to comment on what he says.”

“I always thought the joining ritual would make sure this couldn’t happen…” Noël had turned to look at the window.

“That’s right, but theoretically people can fall out of love. Admittedly, I have never witnessed it before, Seraei usually mate for life. Still, there are rules: One of them is that the separation has to be declared officially in front of the council.”

“Okay. And it’s enough that only one mate declares separation?”

“Yes.”

After that, Noël remained silent, and Simon pulled some sheets and blankets out of the plastic bag beside the bed. He had just started to put them on, when he heard the quiet question.

“What if the other mate doesn’t want to be separated?”

“Doesn’t matter. When one of the two says it’s over, it’s over. The council’s approval is only a formality.”

“And what does separation mean exactly? Is it like a…a divorce?” Noël still wasn’t looking at Simon.

“Your mating is special. You need each other… the King needs you. Not the um, physical part, but your individual energy needs to merge…to balance him.”

“He said that’s just lore.”

“Yeah, well, he’s wrong.”

“But…”

“There’s no but. Your bond is unbreakable. You’re still the king’s mate, and without you, he’ll die. It’s as simple as that. If he said something else, he is either delusional or suicidal. You have to see each other, maybe even physically touch. This is well documented. You don’t have to live together. Nobody can tell the other what to do, within reason. You could, for example, take another lover.”

At that, Noël turned around so fast he stumbled. “What?” He stared at Simon. “Another lover? Why are you telling me this? I don’t want… I can’t…”

Simon started to fidget with the bed sheets, his gaze fixed on a crease he attempted to smooth, before he finally looked up. “I know that. I…uh, am telling you this because Landyn’s brother, who has been out of country for four years, came back last week, and the King invited him to live with him at the penthouse.” He closed his eyes for a short moment. “They were lovers before you were born.”

“Oh… So the reason he wanted me gone was because his former lover was coming back…” Noël’s voice broke.

Simon wanted to deny this implication. “We don’t know that.” But it became more than clear that he was thinking the same thing.

Seeing the torn expression of utter defeat on Noël’s face, he tried to think of something that would take Noël’s mind off the subject. “Your change isn’t complete yet, and it will become slower now that you don’t drink each other’s blood or…sleep with each other anymore. You’re very strong already, but I think there is much more to come.”

But Noël didn’t seem to listen, not knowing what else to do, Simon continued. “Ronan is back from visiting Becca’s parents. He will be working as the King’s personal guard again so that Landyn and I can go back to our own place.”

That finally brought Noël out of his silence. “You won’t be living at the penthouse any longer?”

“Definitely not. Laird and Landyn don’t get along very well, and we…aren’t exactly keen to live there right now anyway, which doesn’t mean that anytime you need a personal guard Landyn wouldn’t be there for you. He assigns them and he will make sure he’s the one to protect you.”

“Okay.”

“You know that you are family to us, right? I can detect more and more of Tristan in you every day. Small hand gestures or how you hold your head sometimes reminds me so much of him. In rare moments, you even show some of his temper. So, what I wanted to say is you are my brother, you are Landyn’s friend. That said, I know you have your scholarship. And I know it’s getting a little um…tight money-wise sometimes. We want to take care of this problem. Please, Noël, can you let us do that?”

Noël shook his head. “I can work, and my parents…”

“You’ll be too busy studying, and you won’t have much time to work. You’re still the King’s mate, remember?”

“I…I’ll think about it, okay. I…it’s…I don’t want…”

“That’s all I’m asking for. You don’t have to answer right now. But please take this, okay?” Simon pulled a new phone out from his jacket. “It would make us feel better that you could reach us whenever you need to.”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“Sure if that makes you feel better. And I’m glad you’re not alone. Kris is a nice guy.”

***

After Landyn and Kris came back with way too much food, they tried to have a normal meal, but everybody noticed that Noël had reached the end of his mental tether. He didn’t eat much; his hands were shaking, and he was ghostly pale. In the end, no one ate much, and they put almost all of the food in the fridge. Simon and Landyn hugged Noël fiercely before they said their goodbyes. They would have loved to take him home with them, but they knew it would be much better for him to be with Kris. Living with them would only be a constant reminder of what Noël lost.

As soon as the door closed behind his friends, Noël started to unpack the boxes. Kris wanted to help him but Noël insisted on doing it alone. “I have my own system; it would take too long to explain it to you.” In reality, he was thankful that he had something to do. He’d do anything to keep himself from thinking about what he’d heard from Simon earlier. ‘Fucking Laird.’

Noël folded his t-shirts several times over, before he was finally satisfied with the way they were lying neatly in the dresser. He arranged his laptop on his desk, read his emails, filed them away and started the anti-malware program, although he’d done this only the day before. Then he sorted his books in alphabetical order, only to start again, this time arranging them by topic. He did everything with as much concentration as he could because he didn’t dare to think.

Thinking of Diarmad’s new lover hurt the most; he felt the pain in his chest, the powerlessness, the emptiness; he wanted to be numb.

One time he had to run into the bathroom to throw up. Kris was with him the minute he noticed what was going on. He held him and helped him back into his room when he was done.

Finally around two a.m., Noël fell into an exhausted sleep. Kris covered him up with a blanket, and when he saw the pale face, tears still glistening on the lashes, he felt so much rage at the man who did this, he almost stormed out to go to him in the middle of the night and… yes, and then what? Yell at him? Punch him? He probably wouldn’t get let inside the house, let alone be able to hit the fucker… But he made the vow to make Noël happy again. He wanted to see the mischief twinkling in his eyes again, hear the careless laughter…

***

Diarmad sat in his study and listened to the low voices coming from the hallway to Noël’s room. Landyn and Simon were helping him move out. Both of them had made it very clear to him that they didn’t agree with what he had done.

He heard the front door being closed and felt… What? Disappointment? What did he think? That Noël would come and say goodbye? ‘Ridiculous…idiot.’

When he couldn’t hear anything more for about ten minutes, he was sure they were gone and he got up from his chair. After some hesitation, he went to Noël’s room. He stood there, staring at the closed door, his heart beating fast. Were they really gone? What if they came back and saw him? He opened the door not sure what was awaiting him; and he was immediately surrounded by his scent: cranberry, caramel, the faint residues of his aftershave and the scent that was uniquely Noël. He closed his eyes, his stomach clenched. ‘What did he do?’

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes again was a lone sock lying on the floor. Raising his gaze, he realized the room wasn’t as empty as he expected; everything was still here. They could come back any minute and find him here… Panic filled him. Whatever they’d done, they hadn’t packed. ‘Maybe they forgot to buy enough boxes…’

Feeling as if his heart was beating in his throat, he wanted to turn around and leave the room but instead, he went to the closet as if he were drawn by invisible strings. Opening the doors wider, he saw the clothes, new clothes. He opened one of the dresser drawers, then another and another; they were full of underwear, socks, tees. Then the desk came into his view. There sat the brand new laptop he’d given his mate for Christmas and beside it was the phone… And then it hit him. Noël was indeed gone, but he had left everything behind that Diarmad had given him; clothes, books…every little thing.

A sudden rage built up in his chest, and he stormed over to the desk, grabbed the laptop with both hands, swung it high in the air and then crashed it down on the phone. Heavily breathing, he didn’t release it but took it once more and flung it across the room so that it hit the opposite wall before its smashed pieces fell to the floor. Staring at the broken computer for several minutes, he then looked around before he left the room. Outside he summoned Keith. “Clear the room. I don’t care what you do with his things. Throw them away, donate them. I want to have the room clean and empty tonight. I’m awaiting a guest.”

I apologize for posting the chapter this late. Life is busy. A heartfelt thank you to Valkyrie and Lisa!   I couldn't do this without you.
There is a discussion thread for the series, if you want to talk some more.