Lost and Found - 1. Lost and Found

Skeletal remains found last month in Oak Creek Canyon have been positively identified as Jacob Klein. Although the results of forensic testing were inconclusive, the male remains were judged to be the same approximate age and height as Mr. Klein, who disappeared from the same general area four years ago. Time of death also corresponds to the date Mr. Klein was reported missing.

Benjamin Simons, Mr. Klein’s husband, filed a missing persons report after his spouse failed to return from a business trip. Mr. Klein enjoyed hiking and was known to frequent trails while travelling. The medical examiner speculated that cause of death was due to a fall down a steep ravine, which caused fatal injuries.

When asked for a comment, Mr. Simons stated that while he was devastated to learn of his husband’s passing, he was thankful to now have closure on a painful chapter of his life. The death has been ruled accidental, and no charges will be filed.

Ben’s vision blurred as he traced the profile of the wind-tousled onyx hair of the man in the photograph he held in his trembling hand. He didn’t need to see to recall every detail of the worn image. It was one of the rare times Jake was captured smiling. Ben called it his ‘Mona Lisa smile’ because, although it was subtle to others, it was a shining beacon to Ben—a memorial of the happiest day of his life. The day that Jake had said ‘yes’.

The picture had been taken over fifteen years ago at “The Moovelous Cone” ice cream shop. It was a tourist attraction in the area, known for the giant cow that comprised the shop itself and for the quality of ice cream they served—made fresh in-house. It was where Ben and Jake had their first date about twenty years ago. The anniversary of both their first date and the date that Ben proposed was only days away, and the reason Ben had retrieved the box labeled “Jake” from the back of his closet.

He placed the photograph on top of a pile of newspaper articles. They chronicled the ordeal that Ben had endured for four years. They had only been married a year when Jake disappeared, even though they had been a couple for much longer. He would never forget the feeling—like being punched in the stomach—when the officers knocked on his door to tell him they had discovered some remains.

Ben closed the box and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and headed out to the back porch. His hand shook when he screwed off the lid of the amber bottle and downed half its contents in one swallow. The loss of Jake had left a hole in Ben’s heart that couldn’t be filled—not even by Richard, although he did love the man dearly.

The sliding glass door squeaked in protest as it was opened, then shut. “Hey sweetheart. How are you holding up?” Richard opened his arms, and Ben flew into the warm embrace, burying his head in his lover’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry…I saw the box. It’s near the anniversary, isn’t it?” Richard whispered.

Ben nodded. “It’s been twenty years since our first date. Ten since he disappeared. Six since he was found.”

Richard’s arms tightened around him. “I wish I could take all your pain away.”

Ben smiled and tilted his head up to meet the other man’s lips. “I know. You’re amazing. I’m sorry…I love you, Richard. But sometimes it’s hard remembering.”

“Tell me a good memory,” Richard replied, then led Ben into the living room and onto the couch.

Ben opened the box and removed the photo he had been looking at earlier. “This was the day I proposed.”

Richard drew Ben close to his side. “You both look so happy.”

Ben nodded. “It was the happiest day of my life.” He felt the slight wince from the man who held him. “I’m sorry, Richard. Please know that you make me happy, too.”

“I know, but sometimes I feel like I can’t compete with a ghost.”

Ben straightened up and turned to face him. “It’s not a competition. I love you, and am so lucky to have you in my life. I never thought I’d find love again.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to add to your burden. I know you love me. The best day of my life was the day I met you.”

Ben smiled and kissed him.

“So where were you when you proposed?”

“At the ‘Moovelous Cone’.”

“The what?”

Ben laughed. “It’s near where we went to college. It’s an ice cream shop shaped like a cow. We had our first date there.”

“Sounds…interesting. Hey…I have an idea. Why don’t we go there this weekend? We can get a cone in honor of Jake.”

“Are you sure? I know this is hard on you.”

Richard raised an eyebrow. “Hard on me? I can’t begin to imagine everything you’ve been through. Jake was a big part of your life and he always will be. It’s ok to remember him and acknowledge a milestone like this. We can go on Saturday and you can tell me more about him. Getting to know him will tell me more about you.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” Ben smiled into Richard’s lips as he kissed him.

“I have no idea,” Richard replied, then laughed as Ben tickled his side.

*****

“So what’s good here?” Richard asked, looking over the menu.

“I like their cinnamon crunch. Jake always got a chocolate/vanilla swirl with rainbow sprinkles.”

“Sprinkles?”

“He always said everything is better with sprinkles.” Ben smiled at the memory. He used to tease Jake mercilessly about ordering them and it had become a running joke. Ben would occasionally put a jar of sprinkles on the table to accompany their meals, just to see the other man’s reaction.

“Well, I think I’ll skip the sprinkles, and go with plain chocolate.”

They ordered their treats and sat at a picnic table situated in front of the shop. It was located in a fairly rural area, so across from the building was acres of pasture rimmed with trees. It wasn’t crowded, but there were more people than Richard expected due to the location and the cooler, fall temperatures.

“Tell me about your first date.”

“We were poor college students, so I didn’t have enough money to take him to a nice restaurant like I wanted. I had been here several times and loved their ice cream, so I thought it would be a nice place for a date. We could get our cones, then sit and chat while enjoying the scenery. The leaves were just starting to change, so it was very pretty. At first he thought it was nuts eating ice cream when it was cool out, but he changed his mind after he tasted it. Eventually he became as much of an ice cream freak as I am.”

Richard laughed. “You do like your ice cream.”

“We stayed until they closed, talking about everything we could possibly think of. I had parked right over there…” Ben gestured to a spot near the entrance to the parking lot, “…and that’s where we had our first kiss. It’s also where I dropped to one knee on our fifth anniversary and gave him a ring.” He sighed and moved his eyes away from the painful spot. He lifted his cone to take another lick of the cold treat, when his gaze settled on the pick-up window.

A black-haired man was turning toward him after picking up his cone. Ben couldn’t tell the flavor due to the coating of rainbow sprinkles. His own cone tumbled to the ground from his trembling hand, and he held his breath in shock. The barest hint of a smile graced the man’s face—a smile he knew better than his own. The man licked the cone and his eyes swept past the parking space Ben had just indicated before latching onto Ben’s shocked visage.

The sapphire orbs widened in surprise as the sprinkle-covered treat met the same fate as Ben’s. The man stood frozen as Ben rose and walked slowly toward him, as if approaching a wild animal.

“Ben? What’s going on?” Richard asked, but Ben didn’t hear him.

Ben stopped in front of the motionless man, searching his face for anything that might explain his presence.

“Oh my God…I know you…” the man whispered. His face contorted as his emotions went from realization to recognition, and he flew into Ben’s arms, sobbing.

Ben wrapped his arms around the other man and pulled him close, but it wasn’t close enough for either man. He snaked his hands through the ebony locks, needing to feel flesh, mixing their tears when they touched foreheads, gazing into each other’s eyes.

“I don’t understand,” Ben whispered. “Where have you been?”

“Steven…who is this?” A man stood next to Richard, looking just as worried as the man he stood beside. Two small children clung to his legs, watching the spectacle curiously.

“I know you…I…” He pulled away from Ben, furrowing his brow. “I don’t remember…but this place…it called to me and I had to come here… I…” He ran his hand through his hair. “Your name is Ben.”

“Yes, it is. What happened to you? I…I thought you were dead!” Ben choked on the words.

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t we all have a seat? I think we have a lot to discuss,” the man said, gesturing toward the picnic tables.

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” said Richard.

They retreated to the nearest table, Ben and Jake sat next to each other on one side, while the man and Richard sat opposite. The kids clung to the man, staring wide-eyed at the reunited men.

“I have no idea where to start,” said Jake. “I have no memory of the past ten years.”

“You disappeared while on a business trip. They looked all over for you. I never stopped looking until…until they told me you were dead.”

“The last thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. I was found walking along a road with a severe head injury and broken arm. I have no memory of that, though. I had no ID on me. The police searched missing persons, but didn’t find a match. I had to move on, not knowing a thing about my past. I’ve always wondered if I had a family and who my friends were. I remember snippets…faces, mostly. I remember your face. It’s the once I see the clearest. Seeing you in person…well…I was starting to think I imagined you.” Jake paused. “What’s my name?”

“Jake. Jacob Klein.”

Jake looked thoughtful. “It’s strange. I’ve been Steven Hanson for as long as I can remember, but Jacob Klein sounds somehow right.”

“How do you know him?” the man asked. He appeared almost fearful of the answer. The fact that the two men continued to hold hands hadn’t escaped his notice.

“Jake is my husband.”

Jake’s eyes widened and he raised his hand to his mouth. “Oh my God…when I would see your face, I felt…I…knew I cared for you, but… this….”

Richard and the man both flinched at Ben’s words, but for different reasons. Richard felt a knot in his stomach at his boyfriend’s use of the present tense. The man felt his world come crashing down on top of him.

Jake let go of Ben’s hand. “Married?” he whispered.

Ben nodded. “For a year before you went missing.”

Jake glanced at the man, then Ben. “This is Lee, and our kids, Sally and…,” he swallowed. “Benjamin.”

Ben raised an eyebrow.

“There was something about the name….” Jake whispered. He stood abruptly and paced in a small circle. “I need some space. Honey, let’s go.”

Ben and the man both responded, “OK.” at the same time, then looked at each other.

“Sorry,” Ben said. “Force of habit.”

“Ben…” Jake’s eyes met his former husband’s, and the amount of love and pain in the other man’s eyes threatened to overwhelm him. It was too much for him to take. “What’s your number? I can’t… right now… need some time to process everything.”

Ben nodded and took the offered cell phone, then entered his number. He sent himself a text from Jake’s phone so he’d have his number also. Jake pocketed the phone, then turned toward the parking lot. He stopped when he saw ‘the spot’, and looked at Ben questioningly.

“We had our first date here. Our first kiss was over there… it’s also the spot where I proposed.”

Jake nodded, fighting the urge to run into the other man’s arms. Even though the details were still fuzzy, he clearly remembered his feelings for this man—and it scared the crap out of him. He headed to his car with his family, glancing back at the distraught stranger before driving away.

*****

“So you’re married.” Lee’s voice was flat. He had always wondered about his partner’s past, but now that he was confronted with the reality, he wished it had remained in the past. They’d been together for six years now, despite knowing each other for four years prior. Steven—Jake—had been reluctant to start a relationship without knowing his past. When it became evident that his memories wouldn’t be returning, he finally admitted his feelings for Lee and they started dating.

Marriage was a point of contention between the two men. Lee had proposed three times, and each time Steven refused, first citing his lack of a past, then out of just plain stubbornness. Lee put his foot down when they talked about adopting children and starting a family, so on his third attempt, Steven said ‘yes’. That didn’t mean he was gracious about it, however.

“What am I supposed to call you now? Steven or Jake?”

“I suppose Jake. It feels right to me.” He drew Lee into his side.

“What do we tell the kids?” Lee was enjoying the rare display of affection from his husband. Jake was not a romantic, which had caused a lot of issues when they planned their wedding.

“We tell them the truth. They already know a little bit about my injury. This isn’t something we should hide.”

Lee nodded. He had no idea how to explain it to the children or how to reassure them when he didn’t understand it himself.

“Did you remember him before now? Why would you take us to where you had your first date with your husband?”

“I swear to god I didn’t know. Yes, I’ve seen his face and there were some pretty intense feelings associated with it…I didn’t remember his name or who he was.” Jake swallowed. “We both have pasts, Lee. I just don’t happen to remember mine.”

“You named our son after him.”

“Do you really think I’d hide this from you? Believe me, I’m just as blindsided as you are.”

“So what does this mean for us?”

“I don’t know. I have just as many questions as you. It’s pretty daunting to be confronted with your past all at once.”

“You’ll see him again, won’t you.”

“Of course I will…he can tell me if I have a family—parents, siblings, what my job was.”

“Do you love him” Lee whispered.

Jake turned to face his current husband and took his face in both hands. “I love you.” He placed emphasis on the ‘you’ before capturing the other man’s mouth in a fierce kiss.

Lee immediately responded, and it wasn’t long before they raced to the bedroom to reaffirm their connection. Afterwards, Lee stroked Jake’s side absently, watching the steady rise and fall of his sleeping lover’s chest. He wondered how much longer he’d have the opportunity.

*****

Ben slammed on the brakes and swerved abruptly to avoid hitting the oncoming car. The screech of tires and blaring horn shocked him back to the present. “What the fuck?” he yelled.

“Pull over,” Richard said tersely.

“That asshole was in our lane! He could have killed us!”

“No…you were in his lane. Pull over, now!”

Ben paled at his boyfriend’s words and complied with his request. They were about halfway home from the Moovelous Cone and this was their first conversation. They switched places and Richard drove them home in silence.

They readied themselves for bed, and sat on opposite ends, backs facing. “Say something, please,” Richard said softly.

They turned to face each other. “I’m sorry, babe. I just can’t believe he’s alive. Knowing he’s been living this whole other life….” Ben sighed. “It makes me think I should have looked harder.”

Richard laid back on the bed and opened his arm, inviting Ben into his side. Ben scooted into his lover’s arms and nuzzled into his shoulder.

“I don’t think you could have looked any harder. You did the best you could. Now we need to figure out what happens next.”

Ben tightened his arms around Richard and tilted his head up to meet his lips. The passion and forcefulness of the kiss took Richard by surprise. It wasn’t long before they shed their clothes. Ben felt an overwhelming need to be as close to Richard as possible, so he took him with little thought as to preparation. Richard arched his back and then wrapped his legs around his lover, encouraging him to go deeper. Their lovemaking was frantic, fumbling, and something both men desperately needed.

Ben increased the power and speed of his thrusts, causing Richard to grab his back and cry out in pleasure. He wasn’t normally into pain, but the sting of his lover’s movements reminded him of what was real.

“Oh God…” Ben moaned. “I missed you so much, Jake. I love you…never leave me again….”

Richard’s entire body stiffened as Ben’s words slammed into him harder than his lover. He raised his hands to Ben’s chest and shoved him to the side of the bed, while scrambling out from underneath him.

Ben sat up in shock, wondering what had just happened. “What the fuck, Ja—“ His eyes widened in understanding. “Oh my God…Richard….I didn’t mean it…I’m so sorry….”

Richard threw on a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt. He shook his head. “It’s too late.” Tears streamed down his face as he flew down the stairs and fumbled for his keys and jacket.

“Please don’t go, sweetheart. Not like this,” Ben begged.

Richard snorted. “I’ve always been your second choice. You should be happy that your first is back.”

“This isn’t what I wanted.”

Richard shoved his feet into a pair of shoes and opened the door.

“Where are you going?” Ben asked.

“To my parents. I’ll come by tomorrow to pick up some of my things. If you ever cared for me at all, you won’t be here.” He slammed the door and headed out into the cool night air.

*****

A month later, Richard had completely moved out of the house they had shared for the past four years. Ben was miserable. He hadn’t heard from Jake, and was reluctant to contact him for fear of scaring him away. He understood that he needed time, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could go on like this.

He went to work in the morning—usually on time—and came home immediately afterwards to collapse on the couch with a bottle of beer or whisky, depending on how deep his depression was. He missed Richard’s companionship. He was torn between his love for both men; while he wanted it to work with Richard, he understood the other man’s desire to end the relationship. He would have done the same if the situation was reversed. He could see now that he never loved Richard the same way he loved Jake, even though he had tried to. The loss still hurt, though. The fact that he had hurt Richard so deeply made the pain even more sharp.

Knowing that Jake was alive and married with a family stung most of all. He now realized that he had never accepted the loss of his husband. He hoped that Jake would want him back in his life in some way, although he didn’t think he could handle being just friends.

Ben sat bolt upright at the sharp knock on his office door. He wiped his eyes and stretched his arms above his head in an effort to wake up. The door opened and his boss entered, scowling. “We need to talk, Ben.”

Cold dread settled into his stomach. His work performance had been lacking since the events at the Moovelous Cone, so he wasn’t surprised that his boss wanted to have a conversation. He hoped he still had a job at the end of it.

His boss sat in the chair across from Ben’s desk. “What’s going on?”

Ben swallowed. “What do you mean?”

The other man looked at him levelly. “C’mon, Ben. You’ve been working here a long time. I know you’re a private person, and I respect that, but don’t play games with me.”

“Sorry. I’ve had a lot of personal issues lately. I know it’s been affecting my work. I’ll do better, I promise.”

“Is it anything we can help you with? You’ve always been a model employee, but your performance lately isn’t acceptable. If the wrong people notice, it could cost you your job. I would hate to see that happen.”

Ben nodded. “I’m sorry. I’ll have the Anderson project finished today, then will start on the Dickinson file.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve taken vacation time. You have plenty of time accrued. Why don’t you take a couple of weeks and get yourself sorted out? Henderson can take on the Dickinson file. Bring him up to speed on the Anderson account, too. I’ll make sure you get the credit for it.”

“OK. Thank you. I appreciate your support, Bill.”

Bill nodded. “This is so unlike you. I mean it, Ben. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”

Ben inhaled and let his breath out slowly. Bill was a good boss. “Jake’s alive, Bill.”

His boss’ eyes widened. “What? I though they found….”

“Yeah, that’s what they told me. They were never able to positively identify the remains as his, although it seemed the most likely. He had an accident that resulted in amnesia. He’s married with children.”

“Wow…no wonder you’ve been struggling. How did you find out?”

“I ran into him where we had our first date. It’s also where I proposed.” Ben ran his hand through his hair. “It was the twenty year anniversary of our first date, and the ten year anniversary of his disappearance.”

Bill raised an eyebrow. “That’s a hell of a coincidence. Do you think he remembered?”

Ben shrugged. “From his reaction to me…no. Call it fate or providence or whatever…but something led him there subconsciously.”

“What does Richard think of all this?”

Ben shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Yeah…Richard left me.” He wasn’t going to go into detail.

“I’m sorry to hear that. That’s great news about Jake, though. If you need longer than the two weeks, let me know. That’s a lot to go through at once. Start your vacation tomorrow.” He stood and shook Ben’s hand. “Best of luck,” he said, then left the office.

Ben thought back to the mess his life had been when Jake first disappeared and when the remains were found. Counseling had helped, as had finding Richard. He looked up the number of his former counselor, then made an appointment. It was time to get his life back on track.

Two days into his vacation, Ben’s cell phone buzzed, indicating a text message. His heartrate increased when he saw it was from Jake. Jake was ready to face his past, and they agreed to meet at Ben’s house the next day. Ben spent the rest of the day cleaning and making the place presentable for company—something he had sorely neglected after Richard left.

When Jake saw Ben’s house, he immediately knew he’d been there before. The intense feelings he experienced when he saw Ben at the ice cream shop had faded, and Jake had convinced himself that they were due to the excitement of finding someone from his past. But being inside the house they had shared in another lifetime, and looking into Ben’s brown eyes shattered the defenses he had constructed over the past month.

They sat on opposite ends of the couch, and Ben opened a box labeled “Jake” on the coffee table. As he outlined the details of Jake’s disappearance and the ensuing search, they naturally gravitated closer to each other, until they were sitting side-by-side. After Jake provided details about where he was found, they determined that the police had been searching in the wrong area.

Ben showed Jake photographs taken throughout their relationship, including the one at the “Moovelous Cone” and those taken at their wedding. He also showed him pictures of his family, and delivered the sad news that his parents had passed away years ago. Jake still had a living brother, who was anxious to see him again. Jake was stunned to find out he had been a landscape architect. He was currently working on the crew of a large landscaping company. He loved being outdoors and doing the physical work.

The several hours they spent together was full of tension for both men. Ben fought the urge to take the other man in his arms and never let him go. Having him home, knowing he wasn’t there to stay, was like a knife in his heart. The next time they met would have to be at a different location. Ben didn’t think he could handle seeing him in the house again unless he was there to stay.

Jake experienced flashes of old memories inspired by Ben, the house, and the photographs. At times they threatened to overwhelm him. He desperately fought the urge to seek comfort in Ben’s arms. The intense feelings he experienced when they first met had resurfaced. For as long as he could remember, he felt incomplete. Being with Lee and the kids helped fill that void, but he had always felt like something was missing—a feeling he attributed to his lack of memory. Being in the house with Ben made him feel complete, and it scared him. He loved Lee and their children, and was afraid of what his feelings meant for their future.

They ended their day with vague plans to meet again, and parted with an awkward handshake and tentative smiles.

*****

“You’re going to meet him again, aren’t you.” Lee’s face was impassive, but Jake knew him well enough to know he was upset.

“Yes. We’re meeting for coffee after work.”

“That’s the third time this month. Last month, you met every week.”

“Lee…he’s the link to my past. My brother is flying in next week to see me, so we’ll meet again then. I want him to meet you and the kids.”

“I want to meet him, but can you understand why I’m upset you’re spending so much time with your former husband, who you’ve just rediscovered?”

Jake drew Lee close and kissed the side of his head. “I understand, and I’m sorry. Look at this from my point of view. I had a whole other life I completely forgot. This is my missing link. It’s terrifying, but also very liberating.”

“You’ve been acting like a different person,” Lee said, burrowing closer into Jake’s shoulder. “Do you love him?”

“I’m not going to deny that I remember my feelings for him. But I love you, Lee. I would never cheat on you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“OK. I trust you, sweetheart.”

They kissed and headed their separate ways to start their day.

*****

Ben whistled as he ran the vacuum over the carpet. Jake was coming over for dinner that night to meet with some old college friends. The two men had continued to meet over the past few months, deepening their friendship. While Ben ached for more, he was surprisingly content to have Jake’s friendship. Nights were the hardest—coming home to an empty house and bed, but thoughts of the next time he’d meet his former husband sustained him.

Jake thought that meeting his old friends might prove awkward, but it was anything but. He found more memories resurfacing and laughed at the stories of his antics with Ben. At the end of the evening, he found himself making plans to meet with them all again.

Ben’s best friend, Evan, grinned and hugged him before whispering in his ear, “You guys need to be back together. It’s obvious how crazy about each other you two still are.”

Jake was the last to leave and lingered at the door. Although he loved Lee dearly, he was reluctant to go home since there had been a lot of tension between them lately. He looked up to find Ben standing very close, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to fall into his embrace and lips.

Lee saved Jake the trouble of ending the marriage. Jake came home from work a week after kissing Ben to find a darkened house and his husband waiting for him.

“Why is it so dark?” Jake turned on lamp and moved to kiss Lee in greeting, but stopped when he saw the expression on the other man’s face.

“We need to talk.”

Jake swallowed, attempting to bring moisture into his suddenly-dry throat. He nodded and sat in a chair opposite the couch. He wasn’t surprised by Lee’s next words.

“I can forgive a lot of things, but lying and cheating aren’t one of them.”

“I’m not cheating on you.” Jake looked at the ground.

“Maybe you haven’t slept with him yet, but I think it’s only a matter of time before you do. I know you’ve been spending a lot more time with him than you’re telling me. Tell me that’s not cheating.” Lee’s voice broke. “You haven’t been the same man since you met him. You’re more…content. It hurts like hell knowing your heart belongs to another man.”

“I’m sorry. You have to know I never wanted this.”

“We can’t continue like this. I want to stay here with the kids. There’s no sense in uprooting their lives any more than necessary. I’ll give you a month to find a place of your own.”

Jake moved to the couch when Lee started sobbing and embraced him. They clung to each other, knowing it was the last moment of intimacy they’d experience together.

Jake moved into his own apartment two weeks later. Telling the kids about the separation was the hardest thing he’d done in his life. The divorce was amicable though, and they reached a joint custody agreement fairly quickly. He stayed away from Ben for a couple of weeks, out of guilt for hurting Lee and the children, but found that it was too painful to be parted from him.

After only two months, Jake moved back into the house with Ben. He felt a level of contentment he’d never experienced before. He was home. He’d never forget the words his husband spoke at their second wedding.

“We were destined to be together; the universe saw to that when we met for the second time. Despite everything we’ve been through, love found a way, and we’ll never be separated again.”

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your reactions in a review.  Is this a sad or happy ending? Or both?  Were you rooting for Ben and Jake or did you think that they should have tried to make it work with their respective partners?  I'd like to extend a big thank you to my amazing beta readers Cole Matthews and Aditus.  You guys are the best!