Drifts - 3. On fairness and fluff

Joel was brushing his teeth getting ready for bed. Next to him, Lucas was doing the same. Standing side by side with his husband in such a mundane situation still made Joel ridiculously pleased. Husband… Who would have guessed? Not him at least. It felt so right. Slightly strange but right.

“You know Erin…?” Lucas talked with his mouth full of tooth paste foam, making it really hard for Joel to hear what he was saying. Instead of asking for clarification, Joel hummed and nodded, hoping he would catch on eventually. Luckily, Lucas spat and rinsed before he continued.

“She’s having a baby.” Reaching for the floss, Lucas appeared to drop the subject as quickly as he had raised it.

“Who?” Joel’s first thought was Sondra, but Lucas’ brother and sister-in-law had never talked of a third kid.

“Erin.” Lucas bent closer to the mirror to get a better view of his teeth. With fingers in his mouth it was still hard to hear what he was saying, but Joel at least caught the name. Not that it meant much to him, so he shrugged.

Lucas looked at him through the mirror and went on.

“Erin from work. You know, she has the room two doors away from mine.” Lucas rolled his eyes at Joel’s blank look. “What’s happened to that police brain of yours? The red head Irish woman?”

“Oh, Erin!” Joel could picture her now. Bubbly and friendly but at the same time sharp as a knife if so needed. Her skills concerning financial law had helped Lucas out of a few tricky situations at work when his clients got creative and only afterwards asked for advice. Joel had met Erin a few times at various office parties and also when he came by Lucas’ office. “Good for her.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Lucas noticed Joel’s raised eyebrow at his callous reply. “I mean if that what she wants. I’m going to miss her, though.”

“She’s leaving?” Joel didn’t follow.

“I always figured she’d want a career as a lawyer, but you just can’t with a baby.” Shaking his head, Lucas threw the floss in the bin. “Unless you do the nanny thing and I don’t think Erin would have kids just to give them away.”

“But why can’t she have that with a child? Your parents did OK.”

“Well, it’s different now.” Lucas pulled off his shirt and threw it in the wash bin as if it were a basketball. “Things are moving so fast and it’s a whole other ball game. If she wants to see that kid, she’ll have to stop working. As a lawyer, at least.”

“But why?” Joel frowned at Lucas’ statement.

“It’s not like her husband will quit!” The mere idea of such a thing had Lucas laughing. His attitude was starting to rub Joel the wrong way.

“He’s the baby’s parent too.” The words came out harsher than intended, but Joel couldn’t stop it.

“But that’s not how it works here.” Snorting, Lucas began putting moisturizer on his face. He looked at Joel through the mirror. “Maybe that’s how it works in your little semi-socialist country people, where everyone pays everything they earn in taxes anyway. Here, we’re expected to work for our salary!”

“That wasn’t what I was saying.” Pausing to gather his thoughts, Joel tried to sat what he meant without taking Lucas’ bait and get angry. “Of course, she’ll work. Wouldn’t be much of a career otherwise. But shouldn’t the firm have some kind of plan for this? In order not to lose a valuable employee? Erin is really good, from what you’ve told me. Wouldn’t they want her to stay? Maybe with some lessening of her case load for a while and then support for her to be able to stay on?”

“How would we do that? She has her clients. They expect her to be there.” Lucas threw out his hands, almost knocking the tube of toothpaste off the basin.

“And they can’t be satisfied with any other lawyer at least part time for while?” It all sounded so old fashioned and stiff to Joel.

Taking Joel’s hand, Lucas went over to reason with him.

“Listen, it’s a conservative business, the partners are all men with housewives. They work all the time and expect the same from their employees. It’s the way it’s always been. For a woman, it’s even harder to combine being a lawyer and having kids. At least if you want to see your kid once in a while.”

“And men don’t want that?” An unexpected acerbic tone had crept into Joel’s voice. He had no idea he felt so strongly about this. Briefly, he thought maybe having no father in his life made him more sensitive to these matters.

“Well, of course they do, but it’s not expected of them to stay home and do everything for the kids. Besides, I don’t think Erin will want to come back after only twelve weeks leave…” Lucas turned to head out of the bathroom, but Joel grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Twelve weeks? She’s supposed to be back after that? Full time?” The whole thing sounded preposterous.

“Yeah, there’s no year off as in Sweden.” It was obvious what Lucas thought of that arrangement.

“But then the father can be home for as long after that?”

“No, don’t be silly.” Chuckling, Lucas patted Joel’s arm. “He’ll be lucky to get even six weeks. At most. I don’t know how his firm does it, but that’s pretty standard.”

“So they are supposed to just keep going as if nothing happened or quit? And it’ll be Erin who quits?” It all made no sense to Joel.

“Pretty much…” Lucas shrugged.

“But that seems very unfair.” Joel thought of Erin and felt inexplicably sad. He didn’t know her very well, but he did know she loved her job.

“I don’t make the rules, babe…”

“Well, maybe you can change them? Hasn’t she always been loyal to you and watched out for you?” Joel looked at Lucas sternly. “Don’t you want to work at a more modern firm?”

“Let’s not argue about something that really doesn’t concern us…” Lucas tried to pull Joel with him to the bedroom, but the giant wouldn’t budge.

“But it does! It concerns all of us. You might not get pregnant, but you could get sick. Or injured. Would they simply toss you out?”

“I see your point, but can we please just go to bed now?” A caress on Joel’s cheek accompanied Lucas’ plea. “I’m really tired and not in the mood for this. I’d rather be rested tomorrow so we can have some Saturday fun…”

Joel was silent for a few moments and then he nodded.

“OK, but I think you should talk to Erin on Monday. Just to see if there is anything you can do to help. If she wants help, that is…”

With that, they let the subject drop. Joel tried to chalk it up to a cultural difference, but he was genuinely annoyed at the attitude from Lucas’ and other law firms. Was it reasonable? Then again, maybe it was better to leave decisions like that to the parents and let them take the consequences of their decision? It wasn’t as if Erin and her husband would suffer. With the money the lawyers in this town earned, they would have a cushy life regardless. Still, the discussion made Joel realize just how much he had taken for granted all the social security and regulations in Sweden. The countries were very different.

On Saturday, they went for a long walk with the end goal of brunch in mind. Lucas seemed to have forgotten the whole thing from the night before, but Joel couldn’t quite shake it from his mind. When they passed a baby store, he had an idea on how to get Lucas to talk to Erin.

“You should get her a gift! Something for the baby!”

“What? Who? Oh right. Now?” Lucas frowned as if thinking it over. “Don’t you usually do that at one of those shower things? Or when the baby is born?”

“I’m sure she’ll be very happy even if she gets a gift now. Just knowing that you saw something and thought of her.” The thought of Lucas getting Erin a gift and thereby getting them to talk seemed like the perfect plan, which made Joel excited.

“But I didn’t. You did.” Always the lawyer, Lucas pointed out the reality.

“I’m sure you would have, if you had only seen the store… Come on! It’ll be fun!”

“Joel…”

Not caring about his whining husband, Joel entered the store and stopped dead almost immediately. The whole store looked like a bomb of soft pink, pale blue and spring green had exploded. Every item in there looked fluffy and delicate. It had been a while, but now he truly felt like a bull in a china shop. Looking around, he had no idea where to start. The clothes and toys were things he recognized, but what was all the rest of this stuff? Rubber thingies and plastic whatnots. Some of them reminded him of certain items in their play drawer at home and Joel blushed at his inappropriate thought.

“Can I help you?” The gentle voice from behind startled him and he spun around, almost knocking over a pile of what looked like rubber giraffes. Why would anyone want one of those for their baby? Behind him was a woman in her 40s, blond hair in a pony-tail, sensibly dressed in flat shoes and a comfortable looking dress.

“Ehum… We’re… I mean not we… A friend…” Joel chuckled at his own floundering. “Sorry, I’ll start over. A friend is having her first baby and we thought we would get her something.” Looking around for Lucas, Joel came up empty. Where had he gone off to?

“And what did you have in mind?” The woman did the usual friendly/professional head tilt.

“We didn’t really get that far and now he’s disappeared…” His continued search rendered no result. Still no husband in sight.

“Maybe I can show you a few popular items? And perhaps you’ll see something you like? And your friend too…?” The woman echoed Joel’s sweep of the store.

“Husband.” As always, it was thrilling and a bit scary to be open with strangers. Though Joel usually didn’t need to worry about getting beaten up, he was never quite sure how they would take it. The woman just beamed at him.

“Oh, you misplaced your husband…?” She giggled softly. “Well, he can’t get up to much trouble in here!”

Taking Joel gently by the elbow, she guided him deeper into the store.

“I thought I would show you some blankets. Always nice to have a few and since most give clothes, blankets get overlooked, but are often very appreciated.”

Joel hummed in approval even if he wasn’t completely sure what the woman was talking about. He let himself be led farther in the store. They ended up in front of a table with lots of fluffy items piled on top of each other. Most in the same soft pink and pale-blue spectra, but there were a few light-green and sunny yellow as well as more colorful ones. Joel stared at them. The sales woman smiled at him and reached for a green blanket, handing it to Joel.

“This is very popular, when you’re not sure what to expect.” When Joel looked at her with a blank face, she nodded encouragingly. “You know, if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“What difference would that make? Don’t people just buy what they think looks nice?”

“Ehum… “ His question stumped her for a second. “Well, of course. But for some, it’s a thing.”

Feeling that the washed-out green wasn’t the right choice for Erin, Joel looked at the folded fluff in front of him and picked up a different blanket with a colorful pattern of cartoonish owls. It surprised him with its incredible softness. In his mind, he pictured the blanket wrapped around a tiny, sleeping baby. The piece of fabric seemed to shrink in his large hands, reminding Joel of his size. He got a warm feeling in his stomach as he thought of tiny fingers grabbing hold of his thumb. Lucas’ words from months ago came back to him. ‘If I do have children, I want to have them with you.’ They hadn’t talked about it since. Could it even be done? A child of their own…?

“Sir…?” The woman’s voice drew him back to reality. He looked at her and held out the blanket.

“We’ll take this one, please. Could you wrap it for me? I’ll come pay when I’ve located my husband.”

“Great choice, Sir. I’ll get that done for you right away.” Swiftly, she turned and headed to the front of the store.

Joel went searching for Lucas, going through the labyrinth of aisles. More sweet things, making him reach out and touch several items while feeling strangely close to wistful.

As he turned around an exposition of pacifiers of various shapes, sizes and colors, he spotted Lucas standing very still staring at a minute baby garment he held in his hands. Wasn’t those called a onesie? Just as Joel opened his mouth to let Lucas know he was ready to go, Lucas lifted the onesie and gently rubbed it against his cheek as if testing the feel of it. Joel had never seen that look on Lucas’ face before. It was as if he was far away in his own world. Not daring to move, Joel hardly breathed for fear of disturbing Lucas in this private moment. When his husband lowered the onesie again and slowly stroked it with his thumbs, Joel softly spoke up.

“Lucas…”

Lucas started and turned, looking almost as if he had just woken up. He stared at Joel, while still holding the small garment.

“We’re done. I bought a blanket for…” Before Joel could finish, Lucas raised the onesie. On the front, it had an elephant holding a red and orange ball in its trunk.

“I’m getting this.” The intensity of Lucas’ statement made Joel pause.

“But I already bought a…”

“I’m getting this for Erin. And I’m going to talk to her on Monday.”

With determination, Lucas walked past Joel and headed for the cashier. With a smile on his face, Joel watched him go. Maybe they should talk too…