Between a Rock and a Hard Place - 2. Chapter 2 of 2

He lived in a big house on Main Street, with a two-car garage and a six-foot hedge that surrounded a garden the size of a football field. In the middle was a swimming pool; my favorite feature, and one of the reasons why I was there. The other reason was the kid with the larger than life personality who I followed up the stairs to his penthouse bedroom. Charlie had a big ass; not fat, but round and large, like two halves of a watermelon, and often it was all that I could see when I walked behind him. I tried not to stare; conscious of being caught, but the stairs were always a test of my resilience and Charlie seemed to climb them on all fours, pushing his oversized cheeks almost into my face…or maybe I was simply following too closely.

When we reached his room at the top of the house, I emptied my rucksack out onto his bed to find my swimming shorts, while Charlie ripped off his clothes as if they were on fire. He was naked before I had even removed my wristwatch and was parading around the room mimicking a cheerleader, swinging his dick in front of him like a miniature baton. When I saw him, I burst into fits of laughter. It was stupid moments like these that entertained me the most; completely spontaneous, childish antics, which made no sense at all but would amuse me for hours afterward, long after he had forgotten about it himself.

“You should try out for the cheerleaders,” I said. “You’ve got all the right moves.”

“I need a bigger baton,” he replied as he tucked it beneath a pair of swim shorts. I disagreed. I was inexperienced but it looked plenty big enough for anything that I could think of using it for, and I doubt if Sharon Meyers or any of his other girlfriends would have complained either.

“C’mon, you take so long changing. I could have changed three times by now.” He was buzzing around me, tugging on my shorts and trying to pull them down by the hem. As much as I enjoyed the thought of him undressing me, it would have been way too dangerous for me to show it, so I playfully swatted his hands away.

“Stop it, will you. I can get undressed myself,” I said, but in this mood, he was difficult, if impossible to control and my half-hearted protests only encouraged him even further. We were both giggling as he began plucking away feverishly at the bottom of my t-shirt, to hurry me along, so I raised my arms in surrender allowing him to drag it over my head.

“I love undressing you,” he said with a wink as he threw my t-shirt across the room. I liked it too, but I winced when he slapped me hard across my back. “Gay boy!”

It was a comment that he tossed around quite often when we were alone, but even though it always sounded more like a statement than an accusation, just like everything else, with Charlie, it was always meant as a joke.

* * * * *

His sister was in the living room as we scurried downstairs and out the back door to the pool. She gave a wolf-whistle as we ran past her in just our swimming shorts, and I was pretty sure that it wasn’t meant for her little brother.

Jody was a female version of Charlie, but with fewer muscles and slightly longer and darker hair. Without make-up, the only thing that separated them was the modest bumps on her chest, which were covered that day by a plain white singlet, which barely reached her waistline.

She had a boyfriend; a dork by the name of Josh, but despite the age difference, I always got the impression that she had a soft spot for me. Charlie noticed it too, and like everything else that he found funny, he would tease me about it relentlessly.

She followed us outside to watch from a safe distance as we ran side by side like synchronized long jumpers into the twenty-foot long swimming pool. Jumping in, was always a thrill as the cold water thundered against my ears and I submerged in a cocoon of bubbles until I was able to touch the bottom with my foot and push myself upwards.

It was always a shock to the system but invigorating as I surfaced, spitting out mouthfuls of diluted chlorine and saliva and gasping for air. I wiped my face and attempted to adjust my hazy eyes to bright sunlight, before scanning the surface for Charlie. He was still underwater and I felt his hand on my foot and he dragged me under, passing me on the way up for air. He was a good swimmer; having his own pool definitely helped, but a good physique and a healthy pair of lungs were obvious assets, which he also took for granted.

His unprovoked but expected attack demanded a physical response and I put my arms around his waist and trapped his leg between mine to try and pull him under. We wrestled above and below the waterline for supremacy and as always, he won, only on this occasion, I managed to put up a much more determined resistance. Winning was important to him, but less so for me when the spoils of losing were equally as rewarding. Those frantic boyish contests allowed me almost unlimited access to his pearly white skin and encouraged by rampaging teenage hormones, I took full advantage, pressing myself against him shamelessly and provoking a reaction.

“Are you trying to get into my shorts dude?” It was a fair assessment; my arm was wrapped around his thigh as I tried to keep my head above water, but as always, he was clearly enjoying the close contact and I was allowing him and encouraging him.

It was fast and furious and as close enough to actual sex for me to get a thrill. His crutch was almost in my face at one point and I was certain that he was hard as it seemed to poke me in the chin. It was permissible molesting from both parties and worth almost drowning for as I took in mouthfuls of pool water and handfuls of Charlie’s tender rump.

It took a while before I was able to leave the safety of the pool and join Charlie who was already out and lying on his back on the grass. I sat cross-legged unable to keep my eyes off him and he must have noticed me drooling.

“Thanks for the sex,” he said, lifting his head and shielding his eyes from the sun. “Did the earth move for you as well?”

I laughed at his joke. “That was nothing,” I said. “Just wait until tonight.”

“You know that I’m all yours, lover boy,” he said and he winked at me and slapped my thigh as he stood up. It was too hot to be outside without protection from the sun so we headed to the house to dry off.

If Jody had noticed our frivolous display in the pool that afternoon, then at least she had the grace not to mention it as we stood in the kitchen, shivering under the air-conditioning while she fetched some towels.

“So what else have you got in store for us tonight?” I asked. “Other than annoying the neighbors with your new flashlight.”

“I got some cool movies we could watch,” he said, “and a new game, and maybe we could even talk about stuff.”

“What stuff?” I said.

“I dunno…whatever dude. Anything you like.”

It sounded like a bit of a trap to me. I knew him too well, and he hardly ever wanted to talk about anything that I liked. I would have been willing to place a bet that he had already planned our conversation for that night and the topic would most likely be girls.

It had been his favorite topic for a while; ever since he first got laid. Jessica Callaghan had performed the honors that night, breaking many a teenage heart in the process, including my own. I was never really in the frame though; a non-runner in betting terms. Jessica however, had been a firm favorite from grade eight and when they started dating it was never really in doubt. Charlie called me the next day to tell me all about it and although it wasn’t much fun for me to listen to, I pretended to be excited for him, just like any best pal would.

Jessica may have been the first to lay her grubby little hands on my best friend’s wedding tackle, but any intentions she may have had of a long and meaningful relationship were soon scuppered when Charlie decided to end their courtship after only a few weeks to pursue a bachelor’s life. His intentions were clear and gossip placed him in the panties of every girl in high school, but at least he no longer felt the need to relay every conquest to me in detail. I didn’t need to know what he was up on the days that he wasn’t with me, I would see him with different girls and that’s as far as I wanted to delve. As long as none of those prissy little females hurt my buddy or broke his young heart, then I would keep myself well and truly out of the picture, but in recent weeks I had come in for a lot of scrutinies from my best friend.

“Do you know who Brenda McGuire is?” he said as he dried himself.

“No, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, she’s cute…and I’ve heard that she likes you.”

“Wow, in that case, give her a call and tell her to come over,” I said. “What are you waiting for? I can bang her upstairs while you’re getting changed.”

“Roger! I’m shocked,” said Jody. “I never thought I’d hear you talk like that.” I hadn’t heard her walking back in and blushed as Charlie made fun of me.

“That’s what he’s like all the time,” he said. “Roger’s always talking about sex and stuff. It’s embarrassing.”

“No, I’m not…don’t listen to him,” I said as she handed me a towel and held eye contact with me long enough for me to add sweat to the pool water already running down my face.

“I’ll tell Brenda that you like her then, shall I?”

“No,” I said. “Don’t you even dare.”

“Leave him alone,” said Jody. “Maybe Roger’s not ready to start dating yet.”

He smiled and then threw his wet towel at my face. “Maybe he’s gay?” he said under his breath, but we all heard it and this time it hurt me.

“Whatever,” I said and turned away. If he was looking to get a reaction from me then he got it as I tossed the towel back at him and headed up to his room to change. I heard his sister reprimanding him as I climbed the stairs and then braced myself for the inevitable apology.

That was something else that he did better than anyone and completely without shame. On this occasion, he decided for whatever reason that his mumbled slur about my supposed sexuality warranted an act of subservience to me to serve as an exaggerated apology. I stood in front of him as he took my towel and began drying my back and arms with meticulous detail and concentration. Then my chest, even rubbing my nipples with the corner of the towel. It worked and I was soon smiling as his finished his self-imposed punishment with a vigorous rub of my hair.

It was pure Charlie but not unusual. Every little joke that he played at my expense was accompanied by an act of kindness or sincerity that often, as in this case, went beyond the usual realms of friendship, even lifelong buddies, and accompanied as ever by his usual mantra.

“Do you still love me?”

* * * * *

Later that evening, I sat on his bed playing Cyber Warrior. It was a fun game and one that I had played plenty of times at home. I easily cruised to the third level, where it would get a little tricky, but managed to avoid getting zapped by Zelda and freed the fit-looking chick, who would help me to fight the gatekeepers.

I didn’t even notice Charlie coming back into the room after his shower, but I paused the game the moment that he walked in front of me and sat down on the bed. He was way too close, which wasn’t unusual, but at least he was wearing a pair of boxer shorts.

“Are you gonna get dressed?” I asked.

“Why, does it bother you?”

“No!” It was the understatement of the year; I loved it and he probably knew it.

“I didn’t think so,” he said. His answer was accompanied by his usual accommodating smile, but it rattled me and I decided to shore up my defenses.

“Do you have to sit so close,” I said, restarting the game. “You’re almost on top of me?” I was having difficulty playing without banging elbows with him, and his leg was touching mine.

“Sorry,” he said, “is my hot body distracting you?” He laughed as I lost my remaining life to the gatekeepers, and fell miserably short of the next level. “I guess that answers my question.”

“You jerk!” I turned to push him sideways onto the bed, annoyed that he had lost me the game. He was laughing as he fell, and then lifted his legs, and rolled into the middle to lie on his back. I stood up and put down the control pad. “Your turn,” I said, “can I take a shower now?”

“I wish you would dude,” he said, holding his nose and it made me laugh as I searched my rucksack for some clean clothes. I had showered that morning and a few hours ago we had been in the pool, but the summer heat and humidity were relentless and I was already grimy and sweaty again.

Despite the warm weather, however, I wasn’t as bold as my friend, and I emerged from the shower wearing a pair of jogging bottoms over my boxers and a loose fitting t-shirt. He was still lying on top of his bed, in his underwear watching television, but he sat up and muted it the moment I walked in.

“Feeling better now?” he asked, “you look nice.” He patted the bed next to him, but I ignored his offer.

“Whatever,” I said, drying my hair. I still felt like a mess, just a little cleaner.

“Wet hair suits you dude.”

I gave him a quizzical look. “I’ll try to keep it wet then, just for you. What’s with all the compliments anyway?” My hair had always been a problem; straight, jet black, and unmanageable. Whichever way I styled it, it always looked the same and never how I wanted it. Maybe he was right, it probably did look better wet.

“I was just being nice dude. Geez, what’s up with you tonight?”

I chose to sit on the tattered armchair that he kept in his room, rather than share his bed, even though it was plenty big enough for two.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I insisted, “you’re the one who’s been acting weird.”

“Whatever dude; now are you gonna help me drag the mattress in from the spare room, or do you wanna sleep with me tonight?”

“What do you think?”

“With me of course, who wouldn’t?” I stared at him and smiled. He was right and I couldn’t imagine too many turning down an offer like that, least of all me, although I had already shared his bed more than anyone else.

We always slept together when we were younger. In sixth grade, we wore pajamas and would fight each other for the middle of the bed. By the time we started high school, we had ditched the night clothes in favor of boxers and t-shirts and his parents had bought him a bigger bed, which we still shared, but with a pillow wedged between us. Last year, I was demoted to a spare mattress on the floor, which I hated. It meant a lot more space, but I missed him kicking me in his sleep and breathing on my neck.

I opted for the mattress, of course, the second option was only a joke and I banished those naughty, stray thoughts and temptations, to the back of my mind, where they belonged.

He led the way to the spare room; not bothering with any more clothes, and we maneuvered my makeshift bed into his room, positioning it next to his. Then he grabbed a couple of sheets and a pillow from the cupboard and threw them at me.

“You can make it yourself,” he said, “virgin boy.”

I let out a long tired sigh. “Can’t you leave it alone,” I said. “For all you know, I might not be a virgin. I might be screwing some chick every night and keeping it quiet.”

He laughed; it did sound preposterous coming from me. “Tell me then,” he said. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

I didn’t answer; it was late and I was tired of the conversation. Instead, I got up and switched off the light before stripping down to my boxer shorts and dropping to the mattress.

“You’re not tired are you?” he said.

“Why, what did you have in mind?”

“I just thought that you might wanna have a little fun with me in the dark.”

Sometimes, I wasn’t sure if he said these things deliberately as a joke or whether I was just translating everything that he said into something related to sex. Charlie was way too complex for me to work out and whenever I tried, he would generally prove me wrong the very next minute.

“What kind of fun?”

“Not the kind of fun that you were thinking about,” he said. “But take a look at this dude.” The room was suddenly bathed in bright light. I had forgotten about his new toy. “Wow, this is pretty cool Roger. Do you wanna play with my toy? You can hold it if you want.”

I grunted and sat up, watching him as he aimed it around the room and then out of the window to the sidewalk. It was quite powerful and probably very annoying. He followed a girl as she walked along the opposite side of the street, like a spotlight on a stage. Then she surprised him by turning and yelling at him to stop.

“Did she just call my name?”

“Yes, Charlie. She obviously knows you.”

“I don’t know how.”

I had a good idea, but she seemed a little too old for him. “You’re probably stalking her.”

“I don’t need to stalk girls,” he said. “They come to me.” I couldn’t deny that. “You’re the only one that I have to stalk, Roger.”

“Whatever. Now can I have a look at your new toy.”

“You can play with it later if you want,” he said.

“Later?”

“Yeah, when you’ve finished with the flashlight.” He laughed and threw it to me. “It’s yours. I bought it for you.”

“Shutup.”

“No, really,” he said. “I got two; some kind of special offer and I thought that maybe we could use them to signal to each other at night, like Batman or something.”

“Charlie, I live like five miles away from you, but that’s really cool…thank you, dude.”

“See,” he said. “I’m always thinking of you.”

At times, he could be a thoroughly annoying person to be around, and he would drive me crazy. For a while, I would hate him, but then out of the blue, he would redeem himself with an act of genuine kindness that always made me forgive him. There was a lot of love bubbling inside of him, and it was impossible for him to conceal it, even if he wanted to. Occasionally, it would boil over and more often than not, I would be on the receiving end of his generosity. It was this side of him that always kept me coming back for more; driven by a need to be close to him that he would never understand.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” I said as he switched on his bedside lamp. The flashlight was way too powerful for his room.

“Swimming,” he said and I smiled to myself knowing that he couldn’t see me. More groping; he was such a flirt.

“What, all day?” I said although I wouldn’t have minded.

“Skinny dipping in the morning.” It made me laugh, and I wondered if he would still want to wrestle me.

I was lying on my back when I saw his red sweaty face appear over the edge of the bed. He had a cheesy grin and he leaned over until his head was directly above mine, before pursing his lips.

“Don’t you even…ah, no way!” I rolled away onto my side, wiping a dribble of his spit from my face with the back of my hand. He found my disgust highly amusing and roared with laughter as I reached out in retaliation. I managed to grab his arm, but then ran out of ideas, and he pulled back to the safety of his bed, still laughing.

“Sorry dude,” he said, as his laughter gradually subsided.

“Asshole!”

“Ah, come on, don’t be like that. I love you really.”

“You spat on my face, you jerk.”

“It was funny.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Really?” he said. “I mean do you really think that I’m disgusting?”

“Yes,” I mumbled lying back down with the sheet up to my neck. “Sometimes.”

“Roger…why don’t you like girls?” My heart jumped but I didn’t reply. It was getting tedious but this time there was no humor in his voice. “You’re not answering my question.” I saw his face appear again over the edge of the bed with a serious expression.

“I do like girls,” I said, my usual answer was wearing thin and he shrugged it off as if it were an annoying bug.

“No, I don’t want to hear that, I’m not talking about friendship. You know what I mean; why don’t you wanna date, like everyone else?”

“I do…it’s just that…why are you questioning me like this?” I was getting flustered, but my delaying tactics were not working and I got the feeling that this time, he wasn’t going to be put off. This wasn’t a spur of the moment random chat. He had planned it; he was well prepared and it felt as if I was being attacked.

“Do you like guys instead?” There it was; I had been expecting it for some time, but in the past, it was always a joke. I should have been better prepared or at least had an answer of some kind, but my silence only encouraged him to go further. “I don’t mind.”

My mouth was dry and I was sweating even under the air-con. I had to wipe my palms on the sheet. It was easy for him to say, but I was convinced otherwise. He was already spending more time with his girlfriends than he was with me. An admission would almost certainly lead to the end of our close friendship. It was already hanging by a thread, if he suspected that I liked him in that way, it would have to end. It was untenable. It’s one thing to have a gay friend, but quite another to have a gay friend who has a crush on you. It would be my last sleepover; I knew it.

“If you don’t say anything, then I’m gonna assume that it’s true.”

“It’s not true,” I said as quick as a flash. “I’m not gay if that’s what you mean.” He seemed at least partially satisfied with my answer and I breathed a sigh of relief as he allowed himself to plop back down and out of sight.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I was wrong…I just thought that maybe if you were then…but it doesn’t matter?”

I thought about what he said for what must have been at least a couple of minutes, too scared to say anything, but unable to let it go. All the time he remained silent and out of sight. It was unusual for him to be quiet for so long, but there wasn’t a peep or even the slightest creak of his bed springs. I could barely hear him breathing and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I wasn’t prepared to leave it at that. I needed to ask him and even though we had been best friends for years, I still had to gather every inch of courage to speak.

“What did you mean?” I said.

“Just forget it,” he replied almost at once, taking me by surprise. He definitely wasn’t asleep.

“I’m not gonna forget it.”

“Forget what?”

“Whatever you just told me to forget.”

“But you don’t even know what it is,” he said.

“You didn’t tell me.”

“Then you won't need to forget it will you because you didn’t know in the first place.”

“Urgh, I hate you,” I said. “Sometimes.”

It made him laugh. “I’m glad that you only hate me and think that I’m disgusting sometimes,” he said. “That means that the other times you must like me.”

“You know I like you,” I said and then started to panic. I hoped that he wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but at the same time, I almost hoped that he would. It was turning into a weird night.

There was another long pause before his face appeared over the edge of the bed again. He propped his head up with his hand and gave me a reassuring friendly smile, which I wasn’t really expecting, before beckoning me with his other hand.

“Come here,” he said. “I wanna talk to you face to face. I can’t see you down there.”

“You want me to get in bed with you?”

“Do you mind?” There was nothing that I wanted more but I was convinced that it either a trap or a joke.

“Well, it is kinda odd, don’t you think?”

“You’re scared of me aren’t you?” he said. “You’re scared that I might wanna touch you?”

“No, of course not, why would you even say that?”

“Because you don’t like it when I get too close to you; you’re always pushing me away.”

“Yeah, well I don’t know why you do it.”

“Maybe it’s because I just like touching you,” he said and I nearly choked. “Sorry if that’s not what you wanna hear…but up until a few minutes ago, I was pretty sure you were the same way.”

I froze, I wasn’t breathing. Even my heart seemed to stop beating as I replayed his comments again in my head and then once more.

There was no way that he was serious. It didn’t make sense. I would have noticed…wouldn’t I? What about all the girls…Sharon, Jessica, Brenda, Tanya, and the rest. I sat upright to question him but he had rolled onto his side with his back to me.

It gave me some more time and badly needed it. It had to be another one of his jokes. I couldn’t believe that Charlie could be gay, not even in the slightest and yet when I thought about, everything he did was gay. The guy was rubbing himself against me in the pool, he was always touching me, leaning into me, drying me that afternoon after swimming. How gay do you wanna get!

It was Charlie though; that’s just the way he was, a fun guy, with a sense of humour that gave him licence to do almost anything and get away with it, without anyone ever questioning him.

“Charlie, Charlie, you’re not fooling me,” I said. “I know you’re not asleep and I know that you’re not gay either.”

“Whatever dude, it doesn’t matter anyhow…does it?”

“Of course it matters. It matters a lot.”

“But you don’t believe me.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “Are you honestly telling me that you’re gay?”

“I’m not joking dude.”

“Are you serious?” I stared at his back. “Oh my God Charlie. This is…incredible. No, no, no, no, no! You’re lying, there are too many girls. You’re like frigging…whatshisname, that guy. Geez, you got my head spinning now.”

“Casanova!” he said, rolling over and smiling.

“Yeah that’s the guy and that’s who you’re like. You’re never gay, no fucking way!”

“Fine,” he said. “I finally get up the courage to out myself to my best buddy and he calls me a liar. Do you want me to prove it?”

“Yes, NO! What do you mean prove it, how are you gonna do that?”

“I dunno, do you want me to give you a blowjob?”

“FUCK! Charlie, you’re crazy. No,” I said and I physically jumped a couple of inches further away. I had dreamt of it in the past, but now it seemed almost repulsive. Maybe I was still in shock. I needed more time. “Charlie…okay I believe you.” I shook my head. “You are the craziest son of a bitch ever, why didn’t you tell me sooner? All this time I was fucking drooling over you man, I mean you are so fucking hot, but you’ve always been out of fucking bounds. You’ve been driving me crazy for years…I was just so.”

He was sitting up in bed watching me and laughing. “I was just so…so. NO WAY!”

“Shush Roger, you’ll wake my parents,” he said but I was past caring.

“If this is a joke,” I said, “then I’m outta here and I swear Charlie, you’ll never see me again.”

“Roger, dude, please. I was just trying to get you to own up. I’ve known all along that you were gay. I don’t care, I just want you to be honest to me and to yourself.”

I was in tears; it was my worst nightmare. From ecstasy to despair in seconds, but this time he had gone too far. I stood up and stormed across the room to look for my clothes. “I fucking hate you, Charlie.” I spat my words out him in anger as tears streamed down my face. “You made a fool outta me.”

He jumped up from his bed and followed me across the room trying to grab my arm. “Roger wait, I haven’t finished,” he said.

I turned and pushed him away, as I lost my temper. I was ready to punch him right in his smarmy face. “Go away from me,” I said. “I hate you. I’m going home.”

“It was a joke,” he said and I took aim at him, throwing my hardest punch but he swerved and I missed by a country mile. “I mean it, Roger, I was only joking.”

“I fucking know that you piece of shit,” I said and I think that he was actually getting scared of me as I let off steam. “I would’ve done anything for you and you just make fun of me. I’m fed up of your fucking jokes okay. Find another friend to use for laughs.” I sat on the armchair with my head in my hands.

There was a knock on the door. “What’s going on in there? Are you boys fighting?” I covered myself with my t-shirt quickly but I knew that his mom wouldn’t just walk in on us.

“It’s okay mom,” said Charlie. “It’s nothing, Roger’s just a little upset that’s all. He’s okay now.”

“It’s probably you,” she said accusingly at her son. “Are you okay Roger?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said as Roger mimicked her words and rolled his eyes. It almost made me laugh and any other time, it would have.

“I’m so sorry dude,” he said quietly after she had left. “I was just having some fun. I didn’t know that you’d be so upset. It was only a joke…you hear me…I was joking.” He crouched on the floor next to the chair and rested his hand on top of my forearm. “I’ve only ever slept with one girl and that was Jessica.”

I wiped my eyes with my free hand and shook my head. I was used to his apologies, but this time I didn’t want to know and I tried to block his voice out. Then I pushed his hand away and began pulling my clothes out of my rucksack.

“I don’t care.”

“I’ve never slept with any of the other girls that you named,” he said. “And I never want to. I’m not attracted to girls. I swear.” I dropped my bag and looked over at him. He was in a bit of state himself. I had never seen him so visibly shaken and emotional. He looked almost normal for a change.

I stared into his eyes. “I don’t believe you,” I said as he reached out and took my hand.

“Don’t hit me,” he said. “I’m fragile at the moment and I’m just as scared as you are. Stand up.”

I don’t know why I was still allowing him to tell me what to do but I stood in front of him anyway, frowning at him, daring him to go further and prove to me that he telling the truth.

“Well, here goes,” he said, and he gave me a nervous smile and kissed me on the lips.

I had known Charlie to do almost anything for a joke or to shock people, and I honestly wouldn’t have put it past him to kiss a guy if he thought it was going to get him the right results, but this was so obviously not a joke. I doubt if even Charlie would have been able to put as much honesty and passion into a joke as he did with that kiss. When he pulled away I was left breathless and in shock.

“You look as if you’ve just seen a ghost,” he said. “Was it that bad?”

I didn’t really hear what he was saying, my mind was all over the place and my eyes still blurred with tears. He put his arms around my waist and hugged me.

“I don’t believe you,” I said. “I fucking hate you.”

“I know,” he said. “I hate myself too, but are you okay?”

I could scarcely believe that he had asked me that. After everything that just happened, I was a long way from being okay. “I don’t know what to say to you Charlie, this is the weirdest night of my life.”

“Me too,” he said and I let out a yelp as I felt him grab my butt. “Sorry, I should have asked.”

It didn’t bother me; my mind was still focused on his kiss. “You kissed me, Charlie?”

“You didn’t like it…I thought that maybe, well, that was what you wanted. You seemed to like it.”

“I did like it,” I said as I fought back a timid smile. “So what now? I mean can I kiss you back?”

“If you want.”

“I can’t believe you did that,” I said. “I wanted to hit you.”

“You did try.”

“You deserved it…that was horrible.”

“Sorry.”

“You should be.”

He looked sorry; his face long and serious as he stared down at the floor in an exaggerated show of remorse. Then his smile returned and his face began to take on that familiar glow as he lifted his head and looked me straight in the eye.

“Do you still love me?”