The Secret Life of Billy Chase - 22. Chapter 22

- One day he's down, the next day he's fine! I don't get it! I'm talking, of course, about Jimmy LaPlane. He came in all shits and giggles again, and I'm seriouly starting to wonder if even HE knows how he's going to feel on any particular day. He was even talking and laughing with people that he had never talked to before. People who usually watch from the sidelines as he gets picked on and beaten up by the bigger kids. And now they were acting like he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. It was a weird thing to see, and I didn't exactly know how to take it at first. So I made sure to say hello to him twice today. I even offered to 'make up' for ditching him on Friday so we could hang out or something. He seemed to really like that. You would have thought that a celebrity was coming to his house or something the way that he smiled. I'll have to admit...it made me feel good. So tomorrow's the day. I'll make sure to remember. Besides, it'll be Friday, and I don't think I have to worry about SIMON coming over anymore. Sighhhhh.....

You know, the more I think about it, the more it hurts. I just feel so stupid for pushing things so far with Simon last week. It wasn't ME! It was the hormones, I SWEAR!!! Have you ever wanted somebody so badly that you're almost ready to fucking cry over them? I've been there many times myself, and Simon was the first real 'possibility' that I've ever had. Or at least the first one I ever considered. I can't BELIEVE that I screwed that up!

Sam was still being a bit weird today, and he's being incredibly grumpy these days. So when Joanna offered to let me eat with her and her friends today at lunch, I gladly accepted. I suppose it was just one of those days when I didn't have the strength to listen to him gripe and groan for 40 minutes while eating a square of school lasagna. It was weird sitting at the 'girl's' table, you know? I don't think I ever have before. It's always been me and the fellas, learning how to curse at each other and shovng straws up our noses. The vibe at this table was completely different, and the only other boy there was the boyfriend of another girl. And when I say it, that's exactly what I mean. He almost looked as trapped as I had felt when Joanna first said she liked me. He seemed to exist only as part of a couple, and he was so quiet that I didn't try to make much conversation with him. Weird.

Anyway, we made plans to go to the mall again on Saturday. I think it was their weekend hang out or something, and it would be cool to have a 'tradition' going with them. Besides, I'm kinda curious to see if the gay boy will be there again. I like watching him. He's a new experience for me.

That's all for now. I'm going to Jimmy's tomorrow, so I won't be writing until later. Adios!

-Billy

- You wanna know something? I am now completely convinced that the old addage 'you can't judge a book by its cover' rings true in every possible way. I finally took my first trip over to Jimmy's house this afternoon, not knowing WHAT kind of strange world that I was going to find behind the boy everybody loved to pick on. But...there wasn't anything weird about him at all. His room was exceptionally clean for a kid his age, but other than that, he wasn't half as much of a 'space cadet' as I expected him to be. Just being there was a special thing for the both of us. Jimmy had this offbeat dry sense of humor that most people wouldn't catch unless they were really paying attention. He could slide a few choice comments past you if you didn't stay on your toes. I think this was the first time I ever took the opportunity to absorb it. He had a computer, and this huge adapter thing that hooked up like five video game systems up to his television all at once. From the old 8-bit Nintendo to a shiny black Playstation 2. And he had a rack of cds holding a collection that pretty much matched my own. Nothing weird or silly, nothing nerdy or uncool. He was a music loving kid just like the rest of us. How is it that he got elected to be the school's least favorite son? I didn't get it.

There were a few awkward moments at first, as to be expected. I mean, we WERE still basically strangers for the most part. He seemed really nervous around me at first, but was proud of his room and had tons to show me. So anytime we ran out of things to say, he could just pull something out of his closet or a drawer or bring up something online, and we'd get a boost for the next ten minutes or so. When I left, he said he was really glad that I came over. And then...he ASKED me if he could give me a hug. Ok, so maybe that part was weird, but I thought it was kinda funny. So we hugged and he promised not to tell anybody. Not that I would have asked him not too. Hehehe, I think he enjoyed the time we spent together. I think I did too.

I saw Simon today in school, and he greeted me with a smile. Meaning one of two things. Either he had forgotten, or at least 'blocked out', what happened last Friday and decided to let it go...or I had done enough 'straght stuff' to convince him that I wasn't some kind of fag. Whichever one it was, it set my emotions at ease to know that he was getting to be ok with me again. There's still a part of me that wants to suck on his ass cheeks until they turn PURPLE!!! But for now, a smile along with the occassional high five in the hall will be enough.

I'll still be wishing on every falling star for the 'ass sucking' thing though. Believe me.

There was a party tonight at one of my classmates houses, and being friends with Sam would have gotten me in easy. But to be honest, I really wasn't in the mood tonight. So I'm staying in to watch some tv and kick back for a while. I'll write more tomorrow.

-"Jimmy's Friend" Billy

- OKAY!!! Something REALLY cool happened today!!! Omigod, omigod, omigod!!! Okay, I can hardly WRITE this right now! My hands are still shaking!

So...I go to the mall again today with Joanna and the rest. A part of our new routine, or whatever. Both Ted and Lee were there too, having a good time as always. By the way...both Lee and I went to the bathroom at the same time today! (I know this is off the subject, but I GOTTA write this in here too!) We stand at the urinal, side by side. And Lee is so cute, and sweet, and he's all tall and handsome...so...I kinda 'peek over'. I hope he didn't catch me looking, but if he did, he didn't seem to mind. You know...he has the CUTEST penis I've ever SEEN!!! It's like...perfect! Just the right cut, just the right thickness, just the right shade of blush, just....just beautiful. And pretty big too. My mouth was literally WATERING when I saw it! Awww...Lee is awesome. Another few seconds staring at it and I might have offered to help him shake it off. Mmmmm....thank you Joanna for bringing THIS stud muffin into my life!

Anyway, that's not the big news. Just...a very exciting off-ramp.

So, we're all eating in the food court, and I'm still thinking of Lee's perfect penis in the back of my mind as he's joking around. (Seriously, I can't stress this enough. I've never wanted to have something in my mouth so BADLY!) When I see the gay boy I've been sorta scoping out lately...come into the food court with his friends. They all split up for a second or two to get food from different places, and he and I sorta make eye contact. Well, like always, I look away and try to avoid the whole situation of having him know I was looking. But when I let my eyes wander over to him again, he's looking directly AT me! Ok, my heart is pumping super fast at this point, and it only gets worse because he sits at a table not far from us. I'm literally going crazy at this point!

So I'm eating with my friends, and he's eating with his friends, but we keep catching glances from one another, and it just feels awesome. I was almost sad to see Joanna and the rest finish up first, ready to leave and go back to shopping. I made sure to look at the boy as we walked passed him...and when he looked back, he kinda nodded at me with a smile. I nervously mumbled 'hey' to him or something, but I was too scared to say much of anything else. I could faintly hear him giggling as we left, and he looked over his shoulder at me as we walked away.

Here comes the BEST part!!! I actually MET him in the arcade!!! DUDE!!! Me and Lee and Ted were all playing different video games, and I saw him sort of pacing back and forth outside of the arcade. Then he walks in and stands sort of close to me! When my quarter ran out, I stepped aside and asked if he wanted to play next. I KNOW I was blushing, I could feel it. I was SO nervous! But he just shook his head, and after a few fumbling seconds of either one of us knowing what to say next, he smiles at me. I can see him shaking a bit, and it's so cool because I know he can see me shaking too. He HAD to, I was struggling to keep standing! And he extends his hand and says, "I'm Alex. But...everybody calls me AJ." And I told him my name was Billy and shook his hand. It was soooo soft, you can't imagine hos tender it was. I think he was trying to meet me or something, but I was so scared that I didn't know what to say. So we kinda stood there for a moment and then he says, "Well...maybe I'll see you around sometime." And before he left, he told me to make sure not to forget his name. Like I could EVER do that!

I know it sounds kinda silly, but that was as close as I've ever been to....um...seriously 'flirting'. Yep, being too scared to look at someone, then being too scared to talk to them, and then being too scared to meet them even after they make the first move. Pretty pathetic, huh? All I know is...his name is AJ, he's cute as HELL, and he actually might LIKE me! I mean...he approached ME, right? That's gotta mean something! I'm gonna go back next week and....and...I don't know what I'm gonna do! But I'm gonna be there, and I hope I'll be better at talking to him than I was this time!

I MET A BOY! I MET A BOY! I MET A BOY! A sexy little gay boy! I'm gonna go jack off RIGHT now! TWICE!!! Later!

AJ...wow...I knew it'd be something cute! Sighhh....

-A 'pathetically love starved' Billy