Makarovia! Yes, I Know Where That is! Sophomore Year - 5. Chapter 5

We enjoyed having my grandmother there. She just couldn’t believe where we were living. We spent the evening having a meal and she got to get to know Boris and Yuri better. Things couldn’t have been better. Then when we were separating for the evening Peter and I got ready for bed and I checked my email. There was another message sent by Drew. Clicking on it his message was simple.

Read this. I did and I cried for a while. It’s not pleasant at all. Cassie had a harder time with this. I knew you’d want to see it. Drew.

Clicking I pulled up the file. The original was there, but so messy. The translation read:

Monday, 29 August 1938

Bren is resting now. I am so worried about him. I can’t lose him. I write in the dark using a single candle to see by. Bren is so sick with fever. At least the bleeding seems to have stopped. It’s been a while since my last entry and…I have got to get it out somehow or I will explode. When I was younger, I occasionally got nightmares. It was my grandfather that told me there was magic in the pen. Writing down the nightmare or anything that scared me just helped me to get over it or at least understand it more. I know, however, I will never forget what happened. To get things arranged in my head better, I can’t help but write it down. If we don’t live through this and someone finds this…please understand. I love Bren. Why is that so wrong?

We got back home from Midi on Monday night. We’d had a great weekend. I knew my parents would worry, but I didn’t expect what happened when I came home. My father was furious! I had barely gotten in the door when he punched me. He’d hit me before, but this was…he was enraged! He said he knew I’d gone with Bren and he didn’t care where, but he knew why. I thought he would actually kill me. If my mother hadn’t stopped him, he would have. So, instead of killing me, he threw me in the cellar and locked me in for at least three days! I couldn’t get out. There were no windows down here, but I did manage to climb up the flume for the coal deliveries to the cellar to heat the house. It was a tight squeeze, but I got out. I ran to Bren’s to have his father slam the door in my face without a word to me. I hung around until it was dark when I saw Bren’s light was still on. After I was sure his parents had gone to bed, I climbed the trellis to get to his window. His window of course was locked, but I tapped as softly as I could. I was so happy to see him, but his eyes were swollen and bloodshot from tears he shed…probably since he’d gotten home! He shook his head and pointed to the window and mouthed. That he couldn’t open it. I thought quickly, the windows to his room opened out and were those ones that had little panes that were diamond in shape to prevent breaking in, but I had to. I remembered where his father kept his tools and went down to find the little sledgehammer and crowbar. Back up the trellis, I motioned for him to secure the door with the chair preventing from outside his room from getting in. Once that was done, I tried as quietly as I could to pry the window open, but of course, the glass broke, so I just bashed the window at the center. It took a few tries to see his parents’ window lights come on. I worked harder and quicker as I cleared the debris and he could get out. Helping Bren down we fled into the night as his mother and father were screaming for us to stop. We couldn’t stop. We eluded everyone for a few days.

It was two or three days later, we were together, but hungry. Our money was nearly gone and even if we had some, there was very little available to get. I don’t know how they found out. I don’t know if it was my father or Bren’s father…someone else, but someone did. I couldn’t believe Bren’s father would turn us in. My father might have. We hadn’t even been charged with anything. Bren did say that his father thought he’d been contaminated by me! He said his father thought the Nazi party could cure him. Was loving Bren was a disease!? If it was, I didn’t want to be cured and I didn’t want him cured of me. How is love a sickness!?

We were stopped as we were trying to get something to eat. We didn’t even know they were there until one of the troopers stopped us. The smile was…not real? They were the stormtroopers, the Sturmabteilung SA. Then I saw Kurt. He was one of the Hitler Youth that tried to get me to join all those years ago. He knew us and was able to identify us. His uniform said he was low in rank and just starting. This was his way of advancing? The Sturmabteilung SA had been responsible for the destruction of thousands of books and irreplaceable items of art in Berlin! Not even ten years ago. They burned them in the town square because the books and art caused sexual deviance. Bren and I had never put on those damned pink triangles. The trooper said we were on a list! What list? The Ministry of Justice and that Paragraph 175 gave these people wide-open discretion of what was homosexual. Some I’m sure weren’t homosexual at all, but just pissed someone off that had this kind of authority. It wasn’t that way a couple of decades ago that things were good for homosexuals in Germany. Never mind that Bren and I really were homosexuals, but they had nothing with which to prove it! The accused were simply taken away! We were taken to Bergen Belsen. We were put in this train car like cattle. Once there, we were told to strip and I mean everything came off and we were completely naked. Our heads were shaved. We were made to put on the striped things…we were convicts! There was no trial! What happened next…I will have nightmares about for years! We were told to stand up and then shouted at asking why we were standing. No one asked us to stand. That was the easiest of the abuse. Punched…on the ass and poked there and that became normal. We arrived at the camp and were taken with other men like us. We weren’t to spread our homosexuality to others. The others who weren’t there because they were homosexuals were as bad as the guards! At this time, there were about twenty men held for violating Paragraph 175. This was our way to a cure!? Once there, we stayed up well after it was dark and woken up before sun up. We worked! It wasn’t but a day or two when it really began. It was a morning where we assembled together. A guard came up to me and demanded I suck his dick! He pulled an erection out of his pants. How is doing something we are accused of doing going to cure me? In front of everybody!? In front of Bren!? Why me? I was speechless. That hesitation would hurt. Not me, but Bren! My hesitation got him the butt of a rifle in the face! Hard sending him backward. This wasn’t anything sexual at all. It was humiliation! I saw the rifle come up again and said I’d do it, I’d do it. I got down on my knees…I’d done it with Bren, but I loved him. He and I both enjoyed it, the giving and receiving of this oral pleasure. This…just the thought…doing it with this guard was making me sick! I mean, I was afraid I would throw up!! I inched forward and took it in my mouth. The very taste of him was sickening. I even gagged, which got Bren another blow to the face with that butt of his rifle. There were several guards involved. It took a few minutes and then I felt his release in my mouth and I made sure I didn’t throw up or gag. That guard said I gave “good head” and they should try me. I lost count…three or four…five total maybe? Who and how many blurred. I had to put my mind out of it. I thought of Bren’s happy face at that beach. I worried how badly he was hurt, but I couldn’t check on him! I didn’t dare!

We got ready to go to work when Bren came into view and my heart just…someone had taken the most beautiful face and it was covered in blood from his nose, mouth and there were bruises on his right cheek. I said something to Bren who told me, I had no choice and he understood. He was there and knew what and why. One of the older ones…to me he was. Like all the others, he was shaved bald and wore those stupid uniforms. He was in his thirties but looked so much older and so thin. They didn’t give us enough rations. He told me to keep doing what I was doing. Survive. He knew he wasn’t going to make it. He was reaching five months. Most died in six to eight months. He warned if we ever headed to Auschwitz-Birkenau, we might as well tell them to shoot us then. You were going to die with no options. It was a death camp. If I could win favor with one of the guards, do whatever they ask to do that. They could bring me more rations, protection or go easy on Bren. I had an advantage at the moment. I was young and still had body fat from before the camp. After a while, that lack of food and general health part stales the attraction like it was with him. That’s why he knew his days were coming to a close. How was this a cure!? They were guilty of it as well, and much worse. They were sadists!

Wednesday, 31 August 1938

Bren’s still alive and I pray the medicine I got him…I had to steal it. God, forgive me, but I couldn’t let him die! He has an infection. I had to steal the antibiotics. It was a German doctor I stole from and antibiotics are tough to come by, but I knew he’d have it if anyone did. He was a fucking Nazi! I toyed with the idea of becoming a doctor once. I knew what septic infections were like, so I stole penicillin both injection and by mouth. He’d have to take them a while even as his fever reduces. I even stole a syringe and some needles. I hope I gave him the right dose.

I did attract the attention of one of the officers. A little, slightly overweight middle-aged man who like that I could work in an office. The alphabet was easy to file with and I could type a little. He liked that I could make him cum. He liked to play with my ass! He never quite got to penetrating it. I knew he would want to do that soon. Bren was not as abused because of this officer. So if I did make him cum, Bren would not suffer as much. Bren was smart and no one was more handsome in my opinion, I was glad no one seemed to notice that.

The guards seem to think this is all fun! Like the morning they said…someone has to die. One guard looked at us and pointed to a man ordering him to come to him. We all knew it. He was going to die! He couldn’t move! The guard asked the man next to the chosen man to bring the hesitant man forward which he did, as he mouth apologies to this poor man we all knew was going to die in a matter of seconds. The guard turned the condemned man around, did whatever to put the bullet where it was to be used and pointed at the condemned man where to bring him. The man that brought him over just stood there and waited. The guard pointed the gun at the back of the man’s head and then turned around and shot the man that brought him to the guard right between the eyes. The other guards were laughing! This was great fun! Instead of killing the one they all thought, he killed the other one. The previously thought of the condemned man was told to go back in formation. The guards thought that was hilarious!

Days sort of became blurred. Had it been days? Weeks? A month!? Then, one evening it happened. They announced there would be some transfers. They would go to the labor camp at Auschwitz. Labor camp? It was a death camp! Bren’s name was called with three others! But just Bren, not me. I had to say something! I’d never see him again! I knew it. I pleaded for them to take me, too.

They knew we were together, that’s why they hurt Bren when I didn’t quickly agree to suck the guards’ dicks. I’d done it many times since in private because they didn’t want the others to know they had their dicks sucked and in front of the others! The thing was, Bren had, too! I had to watch his like had to watch me! Many of the men held with us have had to that. Bren knew he had to or I would be hurt. I could have been shot, but it was the same thing! That officer that favored me would have something to say…I hoped. However, this brought on a new game for the guards. They said Bren must be something special if I was willing to lay my life down for him and wanted to know what that was. Bren must be a really good fuck! They would have to see if that were true. They drug Bren over and ripped his pants off, pushing him against the wall of one of the buildings as they all looked at Bren’s ass. One of the even put his finger in there and brought his finger back and commented it smelled like shit. Another looked where they were working on a car and suggested the slick oil, to mask the stench and ease the entrance. The one that had suck his finger in Bren’s ass rubbed his finger on Bren’s shirt and said it was a good idea, but wondered would motor oil hurt them. Forget Bren. There were six guards! Six! I watched as they got the oil and put some at Bren’s asshole. Then rubbed some on his erection. Then I had to watch as one by one they all took turns with Bren. Now, I didn’t care if they shot both of us. I was ready to charge them and the butt of a rifle hit me in the face and I did see real lights in my eyes as the dizzying nausea was instantly there as I was too stunned to register the pain. Bren let out sobs as it happened over and over again, then the next guard and the next guard. They needed the fucking cure! Not us! In many ways, I think that was why they guarded us. They were us, as in they were homosexual! This was just a way to do it and not be admitting they were homosexual. I was crying now. Sobbing. They were doing this horrible thing to a soul I knew was precious! I COULDN’T STOP THEM!! It was tearing me apart! Then the worst came and there was worse. One of the guards toyed with his pistol. Sticking the barrel up Bren’s ass and toyed with that bringing it in and out, but it was cold and the gun was loaded! It could go off inside Bren! I froze in sheer terror as I watched this…then to add more excitement. A guard shoved the barrel of his rifle inside Bren! I mean he shoved it hard, straight up making Bren scream! The guard did it again and again. Shoot me NOW!!! God! Help me! Help Bren!! The guards said Bren was a very good fuck and wondered if I were. It was at that moment, we heard this “BOOM” and bright yellow light burst.

I didn’t care what it was, but the guards turned at that and looked as there were flames coming from an office! It was an office, where that guy who told me about Auschwitz and how his days were numbered. That was the office he worked in. He was probably there…Bren was crying telling me to go. I looked down as I saw red coming out of him. That rifle barrel had pierced his insides. I couldn’t leave him!! I got what was left of his pants a tried to stop the bleeding, but that was no good from here. We had to get away! The guards were running around the burning office to put it out and see if the officer were alive. I helped Bren in the pants. He and I took off. All of the camp was busy now. If we didn’t make it now. We’d never leave.

I couldn’t stop reading! I cried as I read. There was more. That’s when Peter sat down next to me.

“I’m sure it is bad, Eric,” Peter said softly. “You are remembering, those two had a very good life?”

I nodded. “It is that knowledge that allows me to keep reading.” I chuckled as I wiped my tear-stained face. “I know they did.” I smiled at Peter. “Make love to me Peter.”

“We always do,” Peter said kissing me gently, his lips lingering and I felt his light probing as it became deeper, but still…very much…love. “I love you, Eric.”

“I know,” I said my fingers in his hair. “I love you.”

“I know.”