The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 26. A New Ryder

-------------Teddy-------------

Time seemed to slip through our hands as I laid in Ryder’s lap, just letting him hold me for a while. He really has changed from that fragile teen in the halls of Hudson. He’s growing before my eyes, ascending to a place that I can only dream of.

He laid a gentle kiss on the side of my head, before smoothly trying to escape me. “Alright.” He let out in an almost whisper. “I’ve gotta go spend time with my grandma.”

“Five more minutes.” I begged, trying my hardest to hit him with puppy dog eyes. “We barely got to spend time together.”

“I’ve been here for five hours.” He softly laughed, running his hand through my hair as he stood up. “I’ll see you Saturday night at my place. We usually start at around seven, so make sure you’re there.”

“What?” I asked, jumping up as he tried to subtly make his way towards the door .“We’re not hanging out tomorrow?”

He shrugged his shoulders and forced a smile. “I need a day alone to clear my head and write a bit more. I’ll text you a bunch, okay?”

“Okay.” I sighed, walking up and planting a kiss on his lips. “But so help me god, you leave even one text on read for longer than thirty minutes and I’ll knock down your front door.”

“Deal.” He winked giving me another kiss. “Oh, and plan to sleep over Saturday night.”

“Who says I want to?” I teased, watching him open the garage door and slowly back towards the exit.

“I do.” He sensually tempted, making sure to keep his eyes on mine until he turned the corner.

I don’t know what’s gotten into him, but damn if he doesn’t have me wrapped around his finger. I stood there for a minute with a bashful smile on my face, still trying to accept how much Ryder had grown since he left. I mean it’s only been a two week tour, what happens when it’s a month long tour?

“Hey bud, why don’t you shut the door? You’re letting all the AC out.” My dad instructed as he stepped down the stairs.

“Sorry.” I shyly let out, trying the hide the blush that still coated my face.

“So do you want to talk about what happened at lunch?” He asked, taking a seat in the lounge chair in the corner. “It’s talk about it with me, or talk about it with your mother.”

“Do you want to talk about how you both eavesdropped on me and Ryder?” I shot back, taking a seat across from him. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me?”

“We just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He defended, beginning to grow serious. “I haven’t seen you act out like that since you were a boy.”

“Alright, well that doesn’t justify spying on me and my boyfriend, what if,”

“Theodore.” My dad interrupted, starting to stare me down.

“Fine.” I exhaled, realizing he was seeing right through my charade. “I just, I really don’t want to hear about how we won’t get our senior year together. I had all these dreams of being in class with him, and walking the halls with him, going to prom with him, being in the yearbook with him, just, getting to be in a normal relationship for once.”

“You don’t need to go to school together to be a normal couple.” He attempted to comfort, but I could tell he couldn’t relate to what I was trying to say.

“That’s not the point.” I began, trying my hardest to explain what was going through my head. “It’s like, all these years I’ve seen couples all over the halls. Holding hands, or kissing, or teasing one another! I finally go to high school with someone I’m openly dating, and it’s like, poof! He’s gone.” I shook my head, frustrated by the thought. “Plus he’ll be going on tour after tour. It’s like I’m losing him and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Did you ever stop and ask yourself if he’s having the same fears?” My dad provoked, sitting forward. “I can’t relate to what it’s like to have to hide relationships, or how painful that can be. But I know that love is a two way street, that we feel and experience things together. I heard him say he was looking at pictures of you every night. I think he missed you a lot more than you’re realizing.” I grew quiet and slumped in my chair as I realized I hadn’t even thought of the stress he’s probably going through. “I see it in the way he looks at you. He’s hopeless for you, and you’re hopeless for him. It’s only been two months, but if you two aren’t soul mates I don’t know who is.”

“Thanks dad.” I exhaled in a relieved breath. “So, since we’re soul mates,”

He raised his eyebrows as he heard my gentle tone and prepared for whatever favor I was about to ask. “Just spit it out Teddy.”

“Can I sleep over his house Saturday night after band practice?” I asked, speeding up my words as they came out of my mouth.

“Absolutely not.” He shot down, trying his hardest to hold the line between parent and friend.

“Give me one reason.” I argued, preparing myself for a fight.

“STIs.” He confidently nodded his head.

“Dad!” I yelped in horror. “Why do you think Ryder has STIs? Why do you think we’ll even do anything?”

“Because I was seventeen once too.” He confidently explained. “And that’s how you came into this world.”

“Yup, well neither of us can conceive.” I teased with a half grin.

“So you two are up to something!” He exclaimed, trying his hardest to get me to crack.

“If we are, it’s none of your business.” I defended, refusing to lower my head. “Look. You raised me well. I know to use protection, and be conscious and careful, and all of that stuff.” I let out, fighting through the awkward tension that comes with discussing sex with a parent. “But I’m not even trying to have sex with him! I just want to fall asleep with him in my arms. With him singing me to sleep. Can’t you at least understand that?”

He threw back his head and let out a short groan. “Please don’t do this to me.” He pleaded, as he slowly began to crack. “Your mother will kill me if she knows I let you stay over your boyfriend’s. And she’s already pregnant, and scary.”

“Are you saying mom’s pregnancy is scary?” I manipulated, forcing even more pressure on him.

His eyes grew wide as he heard my words. “Don’t you dare.”

“Hey mom!” I called out in a loud voice. “Guess what Dad just said!”

“Theodore!” he exclaimed once again “I’ll ground you.” I let out an involuntary laugh at his words. It’s not that I don’t respect my dad’s authority, it’s just that he’s, well, a giant pushover! “Fine.” He threw his hands up “You’re grounded for the weekend.” I let the smile fall from my face, and stretched my eyes wide “What is that?” he asked “What are you doing?”

“But Dad.” I exhaled, trying my hardest to sound betrayed. “I, Ryder just got home and I, he’s leaving again soon, I thought you understand me.”

“I do.” He nervously shook his head as my words started to frazzle him.

“No, you don’t.” I frowned, turning away from him. “Maybe I should just go to mom from now on, she always knows,”

“Oh, I see what you’re doing!” he interrupted. “Theodore, I’m not falling for this anymore.”

I gulped hard, as though I was about to cry, and looked back at him. “You don’t know what it’s like to have your boyfriend disappear for two weeks, and then find out that he’ll be leaving again soon.” I picked up my hand, and acted like I wiped a tear away. “We won’t even graduate together! I, I,”

“Okay! fine!” he yelped. “You can stay at Ryder’s Saturday, but if your mother asks you’re staying at Blake’s! Understood?”

“Understood.” I nodded as the smile returned to my face. “I love you Dad.”

“Manipulating people isn’t cute.” He groaned. “You know that right?”

“I know that you better learn how to put your foot down before the next kid comes.” I teased in a giggle. “Otherwise you’re going to go gray fast!” He muttered something silently to himself as I stood up and wrapped my arms around him. “I love you dad.”

“You better.” He warned, hugging me back. “Just promise me that no matter happens, you’ll always remember your own worth.” I shot him a weird look and laughed once again. “Teddy,” he shook his head. “I’m not joking around with you right now.” He lightly grabbed both my arms so I would have no choice but to look into his eyes. “I never want to see you that reliant on another person. I get you love Ryder, and I think he’s an amazing kid, but you have to live your own life.”

“I get it.” I nodded, as he let me go. There was a layer of concern under the serious look in his eyes, as if what he saw this afternoon scared him.

I spent the whole next day practicing and working out. Ryder tried his hardest to text and snapchat me, but I could tell he really did need a day to himself. Maybe we both did. Sure, I kind of had these past two weeks to myself, but I haven’t had this level of hunger and drive for lacrosse in a long time. It’s like I’m fighting to prove to my parents that I’m still my own person. That I’m still capable of something amazing all on my own.

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Yet even with all that motivation the next night couldn’t come fast enough. “and you’re sure Mrs. Ramsey said it’s okay for you to stay over?” Mom asked for the third time.

“Yes!” I groaned, throwing my bag over my shoulder. “It’s just Blake.”

“I know. I know.” She forced a hug as I tried my hardest to make a quick escape. “I just want to make sure you’re safe is all.”

“Uh oh.” My dad exhaled from the living room. Ever since she started meeting with her OBG-YN she’s become a lot more, well, over bearing! It’s like it’s clicked that even though a second baby is on it’s way, her first baby is almost grown up. “Why don’t we let Teddy go?”

“And you really want to sleep over?” She asked, keeping her focus on me.

“He’s sure.” My dad answered for me. “Remember when we spoke about giving him a little more freedom?”

“Okay.” She nodded, watching me head towards the stairs. “But no alcohol tonight, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I laughed, quickly rushing down the stairs before she could catch me. Before I knew it I was pulling up the gravel driveway and next to the large white van I had seen Ryder hang out around in during warped tour. The back doors were wide open with a few guys sitting in the back drinking beer.

“Look who finally made it!” I heard one of the band members shout out.

“Shut up.” Ryder argued, forcing his way out of the van. “It’s just seven now.” He quickly walked up to me and pulled me in for a kiss, drawing whistling and remarks from the group sitting in the van. “Hi.” He laughed, pulling away and looking into my eyes.

“Hi.” I repeated, trying to hide the blush that was growing on my face.

“Come on,” He led, grabbing a hold of my hand. “I’ve got people I want you to actually meet.” One by one the group poured out of the van, and stood In front of me. “Okay, I know you guys have kind of met a little bit in passing, but guys this is Teddy. Teddy this is Brandon, Tommy, Zack and Joe and their girlfriends Cindy, Laura, Valarie and Maria.”

“Now repeat that back to us.” Tommy teased, reaching back and grabbing a new beer can from the truck.

“Um.” I hesitated in a laugh, looking around at the eight strangers in front of me.

“That’s a drink.” He teased once more, tossing the beer to me.

“It’s okay, it took me a while to learn everyone names at first too.” One of the girls comforted, before turning back towards Tommy. “And he’s just a kid, he doesn’t have to drink if he doesn’t want to.”

“It’s cool.” I shrugged, cracking open the warm Miller High Life. “I mean it’s crappy beer, but it’s cool.” I teased with a smile.

“It is not crappy beer.” Tommy defended pulling the thirty rack out of the van. “It’s just cheap.”

“Beer can be cheap and crappy.” Ryder supported, rubbing my hand. “And can you at least try and hide that before my grandma comes back out!”

“Let’s just go back to the spot.” Brandon shook his head. “All our stuff is already set up anyway.”

Ryder shrugged his shoulders and followed the large group as they made their way through the cemetery. A few of the girls looked around in surprise as they experienced the intricacy of the cemetery for the first time. It really is a creepy place once you get far enough from Ryder’s house. Thick woods surround you as the sound from the busy road goes quiet. If there was any such thing as ghosts this would be the place to find them.

“You actually live here?” One of the girls asked, turning back towards Ryder.

“Since I was five.” He nodded, pointing towards the clearance we had fallen asleep on just a few weeks ago. A few mic stands, amps, guitars and a small drum kit sat in the grass, ready to be played at any second. Five or six electric lanterns were scattered around the area, trying their hardest to give us the best light possible.

“Why do you guys practice out here anyway?” Another asked, looking at the band members. “Isn’t it scary?”

“Because it’s free.” Ryder quickly answered before any of them could speak. “and it’s not scary.”

“Speak for yourself.” Brandon shook his head, walking up and grabbing his bass from the stand. “This place is creepy as fuck.”

Ryder gave my hand one more rub before letting it go and heading towards the amps. “You want to be a part of a heavy metal band? Learn to get over your fear of the dark.”

“So cliché.” Zack finally spoke, giving his girlfriend a quick peck before heading towards his instrument.

“Come sit with us Teddy.” One of the girls waived me over, to the patch of grass directly In front of Ryder’s mic stand. “We don’t bite, we promise.”

I forced a smile, and took a few steps over to them. I know I’m usually good with people, but this group takes the meaning goth to a whole new level. Piercings, make up and dark clothing coated them as though it was their everyday attire. “You’re not used to this world, are you?” One of them laughed, taking a good look at the light summer clothes I was wearing.

“Not at all.” I smiled, watching Ryder play with the dials on his amp. “But for him I’ll go anywhere.”

“Aww.” One of them let out, looking from me to Brandon. “Why don’t you talk about me like that?”

“Dude!” Brandon grunted turning towards Ryder. “Get your boyfriend to turn it down a notch.”

“Why would I want to do that?” Ryder teased, turning and placing small black circles into his ears. “I like the way he talks about me.”

“Just wait until they hit twenty.” Brandon rolled his eyes. “Then they’ll see what relationships are really like.”

“Why? How old are you guys?” I asked, trying to make eye contact with him.

“We’re all twenty-six.” He exhaled, finally looking at me.

“And here we are taking orders from baby face.” Zack groaned, lightly strumming his guitar to test out the sound levels.

“We don’t take orders from him.” Brandon grumbled, turning towards the guys.

Two of them laughed and turned away as Zack shot him a stupefied look. “Who was calling the shots in the studio today?” He asked, but got no answer. ‘Zack play heavier.’ ‘Brandon not so loud.’ ‘Tommy speed it up a little bit.’ He mimicked, trying his hardest to impersonate Ryder. ‘I miss Teddy. Do you think it’s too soon to text him again? Do I look good in this snapchat?’ Ryder went to swipe at him but he quickly backed away ‘Do you think he’ll ever like this music? Do you,’

“Dude!” Ryder yelped, finally connecting with a punch to his arm.

Joe faked a whip sound and motion towards Ryder. “It’s always Teddy, Teddy Teddy.” Brandon teased, looking towards me. “You’re the yoko to a band that hasn’t even started yet.” I took a breath, trying my hardest to figure out if he was joking or not.

“Oh, don’t tell him that.” One of the girls comforted, noticing his tone was a little too harsh.

“I’m just kidding.” Brandon shook his head, but as he looked towards Ryder he realized how serious he had sounded. “I am.” He ensured, nodding towards me. “I was the one comforting your boyfriend when he was sulking about missing you.”

“Oh my god!” Ryder shouted, walking towards him and whispering something in his ear. He shot him another angry look before returning to his microphone.

“Sulking?” I asked looking towards Ryder.

“It was nothing.” He shook his head. “We all had bad nights where we were homesick.”

“Yeah.” Joe spoke up in support of his front man. “Being away from home is hard. I wouldn’t’ve been able to handle this at eighteen.”

“Now since Brandon’s got a big mouth tonight,” Ryder spit, shooting him another dirty look. “Why don’t we start out with his worst song?”

“No, I think you need to warm up your voice first.” Brandon argued, not backing down from Ryder’s anger. “The last thing we need is you tearing up your voice just as we start blowing up.”

Ryder rolled his eyes but took a step back from the microphone. “I’m going to bash your head in.” He let out in a high pitched voice.

“What was that?” I laughed turning towards the band. “He sounded like a little girl.”

“Just wait.” Zack instructed, cracking open another beer.

Ryder went a few more times in his high pitched voice before turning towards the dark air and taking a deep breath. “Master.” He let out in a deep growl. “Master.” He continued in an even lower growl. “Master” he finished in a growl so deep and heavy it was nearly indiscernible.

“Who.” I exhaled as his outline nearly sank into the darkness of the dimly lit practice area.

“He practices high so he can go that low.” One of the girls explained. “And that is the lowest I’ve heard any singer go.”

“Not that he’ll ever use it.” Brandon sighed with a quick roll of his eyes. “He only uses his high screams, and he barely even does that!”

“I’ll come across as a whiny little bitch.” Ryder dismissed, turning back towards me. “I mean what’s better, this?” he let his voice fall into the deep demonic growl he was so good at. “Or this?” He asked, giving me an example of a high piercing scream.

“I like you’re normal singing voice.” I shrugged, trying my hardest not to flinch at his screams.

“Exactly!” Ryder pointed at me, and looked towards his bandmates. “And if we have any hopes of building a legacy like any of the bands in the big four, it all starts with turning pop fans like him.” He waived his band closer and confidently raised his head. “We’ll be the spark that revives rock and metal. We’ll bridge the divide that’s been growing with every passing day. But you have to trust me for that to happen.” They all nodded, and got ready to actually start playing. “I want Deprived, and I want no mistakes. Some of the sloppy play we had during it on warped tour was unacceptable.”

At first I thought someone would go right back at him, yet they all seemed to respect his opinion. I remember back when he was asking me how to be a leader, and yet it seems like he’s known how all along. Music filled the dark air as if the cemetery was being filled with new life. A place so dark and desolate, infiltrated by a protest of all that had gone wrong in Ryder’s life. Tonight I see that it’s not the darkness that engulfs him, but he who controls the darkness. It’s clear to me now that confidence isn’t the only thing thats changing about Ryder.