The Acquittal - 12. Chapter 11

The alarm on his phone woke Kyle from his sleep. His eyes opened, his mind starting to focus on the numbers on the clock before forcing himself to sit up. He silenced the alarm as he rubbed his eyes, getting closer to full wakefulness. Looking around once more, taking in his old bedroom, a small smile crept onto his face at the memories these walls contained. It gave him a sort of warmth he hadn’t felt in awhile. Putting the memories aside for now, he stood up and started getting dressed for the day. Opting for a pair of long shorts with a light colored shirt to go with it, he didn’t want to appear overly casual or formal. A week ago, he may have been dreading what he was planning on doing today but now he was curious about what knowledge his father wanted to share with him and hopeful that all of the heartache they both felt could be put to rest. He still felt a lingering resentment and anger but it was very small now. His father seemed to be adamant about this conversation. Kyle’s main concern was that he not make his father tired or stressed. They had all been through enough over the years. It was time to set things right or as right as they could get.

Stepping out of his old room after getting dressed, he heard sounds coming from the kitchen. He walked down and stepped into the kitchen doorway to find Jacob at the stove stirring something in a pot. He was wearing a simple pair of shorts and a short sleeved shirt. He could clearly see that Jacob’s arms were much bigger than he thought the day before. An almost bodybuilder quality to them now where all of the individual muscles were on display as he moved about. Kyle had a curious sensation as he watched. The tips of his fingers seemed to get warmer and he remembered how it felt to touch Jacob’s waist. He was very aware of his breathing and his heart began to thump in his chest. He took two steps forward and then stopped himself, realizing what he was about to do. He hadn’t wanted to touch someone in years as much as he wanted to walk up behind Jacob now and wrap his arms around him. To feel that familiar closeness they once shared.

Jacob’s actions alone were noteworthy enough on their own. He had no idea Jacob could cook. Dad had fixed most of their meals when he lived here. Maybe he learned by necessity? Looking at Jacob with his back turned brought back a number of strong feelings and memories. He suddenly felt dirty for just standing there and staring so he cleared his throat to announce his presence before stepping into the kitchen and heading towards the fridge.

“I’m just making some oatmeal and coffee is still hot,” Jacob said quietly, looking over his shoulder at him. He sounded almost shy to Kyle’s ears. “It’ll be done in a minute.”

“Okay,” he replied as he detoured to pull down a cup from one of the cabinets and pour himself some coffee. He reached into another cabinet and pulled down two bowls for them and retrieved the silverware from a drawer once he found the right one. He stood there awkwardly, drinking the coffee while waiting for Jacob to finish.

He turned off the stove and moved around Kyle wordlessly to gather up the sugar and maple syrup, setting them on the table before returning to the stove. He took one of the bowls and scooped some of the oatmeal into it, handing it over to Kyle before fixing his own bowl. Jacob retrieved a glass of orange juice and sat down across from Kyle. They began eating in silence, passing the sugar back and forth. Occasionally, one of them would glance up at the other. “Going to see your dad this morning,” Jacob asked in a muted voice.

“Yeah,” Kyle replied quietly. “Said he has something he needs to tell me.”

Jacob didn’t react and continued eating for awhile. The silence continued for a few more moments before he quietly queried, “you like being a lawyer now?”

“For the most part,” he kept his eyes fixed on his breakfast. He felt uneasy looking at Jacob. His voice seemed different to Kyle’s ears. There was an edge in that voice that hadn’t been there years ago. “I like that I get to help people who have been hurt. Or worse.”

“You seemed to like it,” he stated flatly.

“How do you know,” he asked curiously as he looked up.

“We saw you on the news a couple weeks ago,” he said. “You were giving an interview about some kid that was killed at college.”

“People v. Simpkins,” he nodded slightly. “Just finished that up before I left town to come here.”

“You already went to court?” Jacob stopped eating, his interest starting to show in his eyes.

Kyle smiled a little and shook his head as he explained. “We setted on a plea agreement. He pleads guilty to first degree manslaughter and will serve anywhere between ten and twenty-five years in prison. I’m recommending the full twenty-five years but the judge may decide otherwise.”

“How come he agreed to that.” his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Because if he didn’t he would have gone to trial charged him with second degree murder, obstruction of justice, conspiracy to obstruct justice and a few misdemeanors. I would have won and he would have had a life sentence instead with no chance for parole. This way, he may at least get out of prison before forty. Saves the taxpayers money by not having to empanel a jury to hear the case and less time on the court's docket.”

“Just like that, huh?” Jacob’s lips lifted slightly into a tiny smirk.

He smiled, seeing Jacob’s reaction made him feel a little more pride in his accomplishment as he responded, “just like that. We’ll go to a hearing in court where he’ll plead guilty and enter a confession in a few weeks. After that, the judge will set a date for sentencing and I’ll be there to argue the state’s recommendation of the full twenty-five years.”

“You have a lot of cases like that,” he seemed to be warming up to the topic.

Kyle smirked and shrugged. “Nothing that big usually. Jeff, the District Attorney for the county, was a little hesitant at first to give it to me but he’s pleased with the result.”

“Sounds like you enjoy it,” he remarked before taking another bite from his bowl.

“I like that I can give the victims or their families some peace of mind,” Kyle said quietly. “I can’t bring the dead back to life but I can at least get justice for them. I’ll have to call his parents in a couple days and let them know the end results.” He looked around the kitchen and said, “Troy tells me you did all this. Looks nice.”

Jacob shrugged dismissively. “Not that hard. It’s simple once you know what you’re doing. Just takes time and effort. I finished the kitchen a couple years ago. Took me about a week. Did a bunch of other rooms in the house too.”

“I noticed my room hadn’t changed,” he said offhandedly.

Jacob frowned a little, the light in his eyes dimming. “Dad said not to touch your room. He…” he looked back down at the remaining contents in his bowl, stirring it a couple times before stabbing his spoon into the middle.

“What,” he prodded.

“... he said not to touch your room until you come home,” he said in a sullen tone, “but you never did.” The awkward silence descended on them again like a heavy curtain. Kyle had started to feel the gap between them start to close until now and he silently cursed himself for his stupidity. He struggled to find something to say but before he could Jacob stood up and headed to the sink with his finished bowl muttering softly, “you should get going. I got things to do.” Without pausing he turned and headed out the back door and was gone.

Kyle sat there listening to the silence Jacob’s absence created. There had been something there for a moment between them, hadn’t there? They were almost talking together like they used to. The abrupt end of the shared moment made his chest ache from the loss. After years without it, he suddenly would do anything to get that feeling back. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed it until it was there and gone again. A part of him wanted to run out and confront him. Apologize and try to bring the moment back. But he knew it had passed. Maybe later he could try again. For now, he had to get moving. Before he left, he decided to clean the dirty dishes, figuring it was the least he could do to show his appreciation for the breakfast Jacob had made for the two of them. Once completed, he went back upstairs to brush his teeth and make sure he was ready to go.

He exited the house with his head tilted down as he reached for his keys. As he started up the car, he looked across the way to the smaller of the two buildings. Listening carefully he could detect sounds of a saw cutting wood. He sighed to himself, put the car in gear and headed back to the hospital, ready to hear what his father had to say.

****

Andy was finishing up getting dressed as he gazed down at Brian who was still fast asleep. A tender smile crossed his face as he took in every contour of Brian’s naked body. A sheet covered the lower half but that didn’t stop him from admiring his chest and arms and that peaceful face. His hands still remembered how it felt running up and down that tight body last night after he put the boys to bed. He hadn’t been with many other people in his life. Hadn’t wanted to if he was being honest with himself. He forced himself to be straight for years, thinking his infatuation with Brian was just a phase and it would go away. Sure, he looked at other guys and he had thought about them sexually but he always kept the urge in check. Girls usually involved some sort of help. He could recall the first girl he had sex with when he was on leave once and remembers how troubled he had been when he found he couldn’t finish what he started without thinking about Brian.

He had avoided him, sticking to emails and the occasional picture while he was stationed overseas. There was a few times he almost stopped responding and hoped they would just drift apart. But the thought of losing him entirely kept him from going through with it. When he screwed up and got Stacy pregnant he knew he was hurting Brian and it hurt him as well. But he didn’t want to be without him even if it could only be as friends. Now, with all that over, it felt like he had a chance to do the right thing. He hadn’t meant this to happen when he stopped to talk to him Friday night. He just wanted to talk. Reconnect a little. He wanted his friend. He smirked and shook his head. Still lying to himself. He wanted his best friend and the only person he truly loved. The idea that Brian still felt the same way shouldn’t have surprised him but that spark in the parking lot reignited long forgotten desires and he surrendered to them.

Let the others think what they want. He hadn’t slept this peacefully in years. He can’t tell them what he did while he was away. He did what he had to over there and he wasn’t proud of most of it. Some memories still bothered him but he covered it up with smiles and jokes. When Brian told him he saw the truth in his eyes it felt a little humiliating but also comforting. They’ve only been together for two days now and already he knew he couldn’t live without him. That kind of certainty wasn’t something he was used to. If this is what real love is he’d gone without it for far too long. He only hoped Brian felt the same. He claims to but Andy wasn’t sure if Brian would really be able to love him and know what he had done.

He finished getting his shoes on and gave Brian’s sleeping form one last fond look before slipping quietly out of the room, closing the door behind him. He walked into the front room where his boys were sitting watching a cartoon while they waited. Sunday mornings were for them and Troy’s kids. There was a playground they would meet at after breakfast where they could let the boys play while they chatted and caught up. While he worked for Troy, they didn’t always see each other through the week. Their wives had been polite with each other but never friends. Stacy’s personality had grown course over the years and Liz, Troy’s wife, had harbored a private dislike of the woman that she was all too eager to share when she finally left. He would have liked to bring Brian with him but maybe not right away.

“Hey boys, you almost ready to go,” he asked them quietly with a grin.

“Yeah, dad, let’s go,” Tanner piped up as he jumped to his feel. Blake was quick to rise as well next to him, both of them dressed for a warm day in the sun.

“Ok, ok. Let’s be quiet leaving so Bri doesn’t wake up,” he instructed, grin widening at his boys. They would be about the only thing that could get between him and Brian and he was determined to get them to like Brian as much as he does. The boys quieted down with Blake giggling a little as Andy grabbed a bag of snacks and drinks before he ushered them out the front door, quietly locking it behind him.

The trek to the park took only a few minutes and when they got out of the truck he saw Liz and Troy already sitting together at a park bench with Chase and Carter climbing around the playground nearby. He smiled and waved to them as his boys ran off ahead of him. “Good morning,” he said with a smile, sitting down at the table with them.

“Good morning. How’s your week been,” Liz asked with a friendly smile. Andy liked Elizabeth from the first moment he met her. She and Troy had met together in college and quickly fell in love. The two of them were devoted to each other, working together towards a common goal. He a business management major and she a nurse. They got married shortly after coming back to the area where Sam started slowly moving Troy towards complete control of the Adams Construction business. Six years later, the two of them are a very well known and respected couple in town. She assimilated well into the area after they married and made friends quickly and everyone knew she was devoted to her husband and their two sons. Her hair was dyed blonde and cut short. She was wearing sweat shorts and a t-shirt covering her expanding stomach. Taller than most women, she was only a few inches shorter than her husband. Her smile came easily to her lips and could tell raunchier jokes than Brian did when the mood struck her.

“My week’s been pretty good,” his said with a relaxed grin and shining green eyes, “I’ve managed to avoid the drama at the farm and it looks like David’s gonna be coming home tomorrow, so I hear,” he turned to Troy for confirmation.

Troy nodded. “He should be home either tomorrow or Tuesday depending on what the doctors say. Kyle should be on his way up there now.”

“They patched things up I guess. Not so much with Jacob, from what I hear,” Andy remarked flashing Troy a small mock glare, “no thanks to you.”

Liz giggled as Troy rolled his eyes, “I can’t be expected to do everything.”

“Stop acting like you’re perfect then,” Liz quipped with a playful grin.

“I never act like I’m perfect,” Troy said defensively with a smirk. “God knows if I was, half of this shit wouldn’t have happened.”

Liz rolled her eyes and looked back over at Andy, studying him for a moment with a coy smirk. She reached over and pinched his arm before saying, “so, what’s her name?”

Andy blinked and gave her an odd look, “huh?”

Her smirk broadened as a delicate eyebrow raised above her eye. “You seem to be in a very good mood. Just wondering who put you in it.”

“There’s no girl,” he said with a playful grin, “but thanks for caring.”

She eyed him skeptically. “I know a freshly fucked face when I see one.”

Troy choked on the water bottle he had just tipped up into his mouth causing all three of them to laugh. “Geez, Liz. There are children present.”

“Oh, calm down,” she said dismissively, “it’s not like I was announcing it to the whole town. They’re too into themselves right now like any self-respecting child anyway.” She cast a glance over her shoulder just to double-check before returning her gaze to Andy. “So? Spill.”

He shook his head chuckling. Privately, he couldn’t wait to get back to Brian to tell him about this. “There’s nothing to spill. Just having a good week is all.”

Her skepticism seemed undaunted but she stopped pressing him and moved onto another topic. “So, when do I get to meet high and mighty Kyle?”

“He a state prosecutor, dear, I doubt he gets high,” Troy deadpanned. Andy smirked and chuckled silently. Liz rolled her eyes as Troy continued. “Probably in a day or two. Hey, we should have a little party at the house to celebrate David getting out of the hospital.”

Liz stated, “as long as everyone gets along. What’s the going odds on that?”

“Maybe you should run that by Jacob first,” Andy suggested.

He rolled his eyes, frowning, “Oh, Jesus. I’m sure they can get along long enough for a meal.”

“...you hope,” Liz said with a smirk before sitting up, “I think it may be a good idea. Give David something to look forward to. We can just make some burgers or whatever and bring the kids to run around. Meanwhile, I’ll keep an eye on the old man after he’s out of the hospital. Someone needs to check to make sure he’s taking his medications and doing what he’s told to.”

“Speaking of kids,” Andy interjected, motioning towards her bulging stomach, “have we figured out what’s in there yet?”

Liz broke into a proud smile as she patted her belly, “this one is a girl. Finally,” she laughed as she looked over at her husband. “Only took you three times to get it right.”

Troy shook his head and didn’t respond. “So, where’s Brian? Kyle and I saw the two of you at Denny’s yesterday.”

“I did what you told me and we made up. Happy?” Andy stuck his tongue out at Troy like a little kid before he added casually, “Oh, and he’s probably still asleep for all we know.”

Liz looked over at him, “long night, was it?”

“I’m just guessing,” he replied and deciding not to look her in the eyes again. She may be getting too close to the truth. But, then again, would it matter? Why doesn’t he just say something? He almost decided to and then stopped himself. If everyone else was to know what was going on between the two of them they should be together to tell them. Besides, Brian’s probably having fun with keeping everyone guessing. “Maybe he’ll show up to the little party too.”

Liz stared at him for a moment, pondering and then let it drop. Soon afterwards, the conversations turned to other topics.

****

Kyle slowly stepped into his father’s hospital room, making sure to be quiet as he first entered in case he was still sleeping. He needn’t have worried. His dad was sitting up in bed, looking at him with a small smirk on his lips and a paperback book in his hand.

“Sneaking up on me,” he asked.

Kyle smiled with a little embarrassment, “I was just worried you might still be sleeping.”

“Hell,” his dad huffed, “I was up a couple hours ago and been bored out of my mind. The damn doctors won’t let me leave.”

“Eager to make sure everything at home is ok,” he asked as he moved towards the bed.

David shook his head. “No. Jacob knows what he’s doing. I trust him. I’m just tired of sitting here and doing nothing. I want to go home.”

Kyle’s eyes saddened a little and looked around the room as he said, “yeah. I guess he does.”

“Go close the door and then come here.” Kyle did as he was told. When he returned his dad had gotten off the bed, standing there in a hospital gown. When he drew near, his dad wrapped his arms around him tenderly and held him close. The morning’s disappointment over breakfast was lifted from his heart for a moment as he heard his dad whisper in his ear, “I’ve missed you so much. There’s so many things I need to explain to you.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, dad,” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” he let go of his son and moved back a little to look into his eyes. “Yeah, I do. Sit down.” He slowly moved back onto the bed and laid back carefully. Kyle sat down, looking up at him, waiting patiently.

David’s eyes drifted down to the end of the bed as he started to speak in a soft, even tone. “I committed a horrible sin on you, Kyle. You deserve to know what happened. I’ve been thinking it over since you were here yesterday. Looking back, I realize I could have kept it from happening if I had been more truthful to you when you were younger.” Kyle’s brow furrowed in confusion as his father looked over at him. “Remember when you first told me you were gay? And that you were in love with Jacob?” Kyle nodded wordlessly, trying to understand. “I told you, remember, that when you did tell him how you felt to be careful and to not rush into it and let him find his own way to loving you.”

Kyle was getting uncomfortable, unsure where this was going. “Dad… I don’t understand.”

David sighed “Son, I told you that because it happened to me. Years before you were born.”

“You were in love with a guy once?!”

“Yeah,” he sighed and looked down again. “Except... I wasn’t ready for it.” He laid back in the bed as he continued. “I joined the marines right out of high school. I had no clue what I wanted to do with myself and your grandfather and I weren’t all that close. He was kind of a cold man who didn’t say much and most of the time never said what he felt. He and I just didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, so, first chance I got, I left. I joined up and not long after I met Travis.” His lips lifted slightly. “He was this... red headed hillbilly of a kid from West Virginia. Tall and muscled. First impression anyone would get was that he was just a dumb hick. But he’d amaze you by how smart he was. He was big and tough and fun to be around. He and I became friends pretty fast once we were assigned to the same unit.

“Our friendship grew and we were spending all sorts of time together, going out drinking and partying when we could. We always had each other’s back and no one gave us any shit. The longer we were in the corps together, the closer we got. One night on leave we were out on a bender and ended up together in a motel room. At first I thought it was the alcohol that got us going but the truth was, by then we were crazy about each other.” His smile lifted a little and his eyes misted over. “We were in the corps together for five more years. Towards the end, we were living off base in our own place and we were having sex nightly, not even pretending to sleep in separate beds.”

David grew quiet as his smile faded, unable to look at his son or anything else. “But, eventually, I knew it was time I had to go. Your grandfather had been pestering me about coming home and getting married and having kids to take over.” He was silent for a second, remembering. When he spoke again, his voice was more subdued. “I remember telling Travis. That I had to go back and start a family. The look on his face… He was crushed. One of the last days we were together, we went out to ‘celebrate.’ He took me to a fancy restaurant and everything. Then we went home and, well, I guess we made love.” His eyes closed as the memories came back to him. “He was so good to me. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever.” His eyes opened and he looked over at Kyle with sadness and shame on his face, “but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him. I told him that he would always be a good friend and that we’d keep in touch but I had to go do what I had too. And then I left.”

Kyle’s mouth had opened but shock rendered him speechless. His father ran his hand over his face before he continued. “Not long after I got home, I met your mom and got married. He came to the wedding but he was so hurt. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t love him back. The problem was that I did love him. I loved him so much, Kyle. But I was afraid of what people would say and my dad would have been enraged. I felt like I had obligations to fulfill so I shut it out and did what I felt I had to do.

“Then... you came along,” he smiled wistfully as his voice softened. “I took one look at you and knew you were going to be special. So special I took Travis’s middle name and gave it to you. When I called and told him, he was beyond excited. He drove out overnight just to come see you. After he left the corps, he didn’t go back home. He said he wanted to go where people like him could live freely so he’d gotten himself a place in New York. We stayed in touch through phone calls and letters. Even after all that time, he always made sure to tell me he loved me.”

“About a year after you were born, your mom started getting restless and our marriage turned into a sham. She figured out real fast that I wasn’t in love with her and she eventually cornered me about it. I didn’t tell her about Travis but I did tell her I wasn’t really in love with her.” He sighed. “I don’t blame her for leaving. I never have. Helen was a good person and she stayed in touch at least with you and me when you were growing up.” He fell silent as his eyes looked into the past.

“Dad,” Kyle managed to utter, “what about Travis?”

David closed his eyes as his lips pressed together before he looked back at his son. His voice dropped to a quiet, mournful tone. “You were about two when the letters stopped coming and I didn’t get any more phone calls. I figured he got sidetracked or maybe found someone to love him like he deserved. Shortly after your mom left, I got a call one night from a hospital in New York City, asking me if I knew a Travis Morganson. I said I did and they told me he was sick and was asking for me and that I needed to come right away.

“I called and begged Sam and Emily to watch you for a couple days. Emily of course agreed and I rushed out there to see him.” he swallowed and made a pained noise in his throat before he managed to say, “I got there… and I could hardly recognize him. He was so emaciated. Just thin skin stretched over bones. His eyes were sunken in and I could hear him struggling to breathe. The doctors told me that he had AIDS.” Kyle blinked his eyes rapidly. The pain in his father’s voice was a foreign sound to his ears and made his heart ache for him. “They told me there was nothing left they could do for him. So, I sat there with him for three days. The first time he woke up and saw me, he smiled and cried. He begged me, ‘Davey, please take me home. I want to go home with you.’” He stammered and went silent for a moment. He wiped the tears from his face again and laid back down. Kyle moved closer to him, taking his hand. “That was when I did it. I was so ashamed that I’d let it go for so long but I finally told him then that I loved him. And I told him I would take him home as soon as he got better. He smiled and laid his head down on the pillow and closed his eyes. And I… I held his hand just like you’re doing now. And I just kept talking to him and telling him that I loved him. The last thing he said to me when he heard me tell him how much I loved him was, ‘always and forever.’ And then he closed his eyes… and was gone.”

He took a moment to collect himself and then looked up at his son. “I never got over that, Kyle. I never got over my shame of having denied him the love he deserved from me. I should have told you years ago. Maybe I could have avoided all this. When… what happened happened that night at the house, it wasn’t Jacob I was thinking about. I was remembering Travis. He and I had been drinking a lot that night. I can’t remember why, although he never did need much of a reason. After awhile, I was drunk enough to know I needed to go to bed so I headed up and passed out. Then I start hearing and remembering Travis. Like I could feel it just like it used to be when he was sitting on top of me. I’m sorry, Kyle. I had no idea Jacob was even there. I didn’t realize what really happened until I woke up hours later and saw him laying there next to me. I was going to get something to sober up when I saw you at the bottom of the stairs. I wanted to tell you but you were angry and you had every right to be angry with me and with Jacob. And my head was still trying to understand really what had happened. I saw your broken heart in your eyes just like I saw Travis’s back then. I covered up one sin only to commit another. I can’t ask you for forgiveness, son. I don’t feel I deserve it.”

As Kyle looked down at his father, taking in everything he had just learned, something inside him changed. All that anger he had carried with him for years seemed misplaced. In his father he saw himself. Flawed, broken and scarred by fears he never conquered. It was a cycle he had been repeating and it had to stop. “You’ll always be my father,” he said compassionately, “I will always love you no matter what. I’m sorry that it took me so long to see that. Neither of us are perfect. But, I love you and I do forgive you.”

David’s eyes softened and his smile returned a little. “Thank you.”

Kyle leaned down and kissed his dad’s cheek. When he stood back up he said with a wistful smile, “now, if only Jacob were as easy to talk too.”

His dad got a perplexed look on his face. “What do you mean?”

He gave a little shrug. “He wasn’t all that pleased to see me yesterday. I thought about leaving. Then, we were sort of talking this morning and I said the wrong thing and he clammed back up.”

David sighed and rolled his eyes, “he’s just being defensive. He heaps all the blame on himself for what happened. He thinks you hate him and it hurt him that you left the way you did. He’s carried that around for a long time, plus his alcoholism just made a bad situation worse.”

Kyle’s eyes widened in surprise. “His what!?”

David nodded, his face losing the smile it had before. “Yeah. He’s an alcoholic, son. When he gets to drinking like he did that night he blacks out and God only knows what’ll happen. None of us realized it until Brian did. There were clues all around but I just never really put them together until Brian brought him home one night and read him the riot act. And then we forced him to get help. He’s been sober over two years now.”

Kyle stepped back and managed to sit back down. “Wait. You’re saying, when you two were in bed together that night…”

David sighed, “...he had no idea who he was in bed with, yes. I went to bed first that night. I’d drank nearly a full bottle of Kentucky bourbon trying to keep up with him and got to thinking about Travis. I don’t even remember him coming in. I have no idea what was going through his mind but it wasn’t me, that’s for sure. He was devastated for days, son. All he could do was wander into the trees and lay there in the cold. Tore my heart up that he was in so much pain. I couldn’t snap him out of it. He couldn’t look me in the eyes for months afterwards. Troy barely had any luck when he came home and neither of us wanted to tell him what happened.”

He sat there, processing it all. Years of anger all of it… for what?! His father, a man haunted by a past he never knew about until today. And Jacob? Neither of them committed the crime he had punished them for. They may have committed the act but not with the intent he had assumed. He had cut himself off from this life for nothing! He’d hurt two people he loved most in the world. He shouldn’t be handing out forgiveness. He should be begging for it. “I’ll have a talk with him when I get home later. I’m glad you told me, though. It makes the rest of this easier.”

“Just doing what I can,” he replied with a half shrug. He laid back and sighed allowing himself to relax again. “Talking about Travis wears me out, I guess.”

“Do you want me to leave so you can rest,” he offered politely.

“Hell no,” his dad said. “I never want you to leave. I’ll cheer up here in a little bit.”

A smile slowly formed and a playful gleam lit his eyes. “I know something that could cheer you up.”

His dad’s head slowly turned towards him. When he saw the look on Kyle’s face, his eyes narrowed slightly, “what, you got gossip I don’t know about?”

Kyle pulled out his phone and opened up his text messages. He wrote a quick message to Stephanie that read, “Send me another pic, please.” and waited as he looked at his dad with a shit-eating grin on his face.

His dad sat up a little as he asked, “Kyle Andrew, what the hell are you doing?”

“Just give it a minute, dad. It’ll be worth it. And try to remain calm. I don’t want you dying of shock.” They sat there, staring at each other. The father trying to figure out what his suddenly mischievous son is up to. A minute passed before a chime rang on Kyle’s phone. He opened up the message and saw the text from Stephanie that read, “proof of life, day 2.” Above it was her and their son, sporting crazy grins for the camera from inside her apartment. He tapped the picture to blow it up on his screen and then stood up to get closer to his dad, saying, “I think you may want to see this,” before handing the phone over to him.

David looked at his son dubiously before he took the offered phone and looked at the picture. He studied the picture closely, silently looking at the two figures on the screen. His head tilted to the side for a moment before he looked up at his son. He searched Kyle’s face for a clue before he was compelled to look at the picture again. “Who..?” That face and those eyes. He recognized them instantly. His lips started to twitch uncontrollably as the thought suddenly occurred to him who he may be looking at. Kyle gently took the phone from him, going through the other stored pictures and finding another picture of himself and the small boy together at a the pool and put the phone back in his father’s hands. David gasped and gave out a small cry. His eyes were locked on the figures in the picture. His mouth trembled as something between a laugh and a cry started to sputter out of him. “Is that….?!” He looked up at Kyle, eyes radiating joy and excitement as he said, “who is this boy in the picture?”

Kyle leaned down to look at the picture, one of his favorites of the two of them. He pointed to himself in the picture and said helpfully, “well, that boy there is me.”

David’s entire face screwed up as he started laughing uncontrollably. “You asshole! What is that boy’s name with you?!”

“Oh, him?” Kyle grinned. “That’s Matt. Or Matthew, if you prefer. That’s my son.”

He looked up at Kyle and beamed. “You have a son?!”

He nodded and kissed his forehead. “Which means you have a grandson now.”

David started laughing again, his shoulders shaking as he eyes lit up even as a few tears escaped. “I have a grandson! Matthew. Oh my God, he’s perfect!”

“He’s three, now. Staying with his mom while I’m here visiting you.”

“I want to see him!” He couldn’t stop laughing, feeling better by the moment.

Kyle took the phone to show him other pictures as he explained, “I was thinking about having Stephanie bring him in a couple days once you’re home.”

“Fuck that, I’m checking out now,” he started to get up but Kyle put a restraining hand on him.

“It can wait a day or two.” He giggled at his dad’s enthusiasm.

“You’re worse than Troy, you know that?” His gaze was only half a glare due to the fact that the news of his grandson overrode anything negative.

“I’d rather you meet him at home than here, how’s that for an excuse?”

David broke into a happy smile again as his attention went back to the picture. “Probably best I don’t argue with a lawyer.”

“Damn right.” Kyle smiled, feeling better that he got his dad out of his depressive mood, “Troy’s the only one that knows about Matt right now. I’d like to keep it that way until I get him here, if you don’t mind.”

His dad shook his head and chuckled, “that’s gonna be hard, but I can manage. Right now I wanna go down every hallway in the place and tell everyone that I have a grandson.”

“Try and restrain yourself. It’s only Andy, Brian and Jacob that don’t know yet.” He had a sudden thought, “why hasn’t Jacob been up here to see you?”

“Oh, he’s been up here,” he reassured him, “just not in the last day. He’s been busy with some work and he knows he’s gotta get started on finding the help for harvest.”

“So, he’s taken over then, huh,” he smiled a little bit.

“Well,” he shrugged helplessly, “I’m not as young as I used to be and I’ve been getting tired easier for the last couple years now so I’ve been showing him the ropes. Not hard to learn and he’s always been smarter than people think.”

They spent the next hour talking about the little things in life. Kyle’s experiences with his son and David giving him advice where he felt it would matter. The conversation was comfortable for the both of them. Each one felt more healed from their time together. After being there for two hours, Kyle insisted that he leave so he could rest.

Before he could leave, his father stopped him. “There’s one more thing I didn’t mention about Travis that I want you to know. It’s important to me.”

Kyle stood near the door and looked back at his dad, “sure, dad. Anything.”

He gave his son a solemn look. “I kept my promise to him and brought him home with me. I had his ashes put in an urn that’s sitting in my bedroom. He’s been there ever since. Also, his dog tags and some pictures of us together are in a box on the top shelf in my closet.”

Kyle was a little surprised but accepted it. “Ok. What’s so important that I should know?”

He sighed and said, “I’m not expecting this to happen now or anytime soon but I want you to promise me that when I die you will have me cremated. Mix my ashes with Travis’s and then bury us somewhere in the orchard. Do you understand?”

He stared at his father for a moment, as he noted how serious he was with the expression on his face. Not wanting to think about having to do that anytime soon he nodded and said in a soft tone, “I will dad. I promise.”

“Okay, then,” he sat back in his bed, satisfied that he’s said what needs to be said. “Go visit with your friends and I’ll see you soon. And Kyle..?”

“Yeah?”

“Just… be patient with him, son.”

“Ok. See you later, Dad.” He opened the door and walked quietly out of the room.

After his visit, Kyle drove around town aimlessly as he thought about everything he and his dad had talked about. He felt gratified that his dad told him about his past. That he shared so much showed him how much his dad wanted him back in his life. More so now that he knows he has a grandson as well. Kyle broke into a smile remembering the initial look on his dad’s face when he realized it. The part he didn’t understand was how it seemed everything went so wrong so fast. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he knew the answer. It was him. He had panicked. Just like Stephanie had told him, he saw what his fears and insecurities wanted to see and reacted to it. He played out how it started and how it would end without looking for the real answers when he had the chance. What the truth was at the time didn’t matter. The same feelings of insecurity that kept him from admitting who he was to his friends, his father and even the person he loved most took control and painted a picture for him. He never really felt secure in his feelings with Jacob then. It was a hard admission but a truthful one. It had all seemed too easy back then maybe. The only obstacles in their path were mostly of his own imagination.

He had to admit he had a problem. Worse than Jacob’s in a way. He couldn’t even guess what the root problem was and even if he could figure it out, he had no idea how to deal with it. One thing for certain was he needed answers about Jacob and what he missed. He needed to feel he could trust again. He pulled over off the road and reached for his phone. While talking with his dad, he had gotten phone numbers from him, one of them being Brian’s. Kyle thought maybe if he could get Brian to answer some of his questions it could go a long way towards putting everything to rest. He typed out a message for Brian. “It’s Kyle. I really need to talk to you.”

He sighed, hoping Brian meant it when he said he was forgiven and would respond. A few moments later, his phone rang. He answered it and heard Brian’s voice saying, “what do you want to talk about?”

“I’m sitting here on the side of the road right now,” he explained. “I just got done having a long talk with dad about everything. He told me some stuff and I need you to clear a few things up for me.”

“Stuff, like what,” Brian asked dubiously.

“Stuff like Jacob’s drinking problem,” he answered back.

There was a long pause before Brian responded. “We’re not discussing that over the phone. 817 Corrington street. We’ll be here.” The call ended and Kyle headed off to the address. After a few minutes he found the house with Brian’s car and a truck parked out front. Exiting his car, he walked up to the door and knocked, only mildly surprised when Andy answered the door.

“Hey,” he said in greeting before showing him in. “Good to see you, I guess.”

“Brian’s staying with you,” Kyle asked.

“You could say that,” Andy’s lips curled up slightly as he motioned for him to sit down on the sofa. “How’s your dad doing?”

“He’s eager to get the hell out of there,” he said bluntly, sitting down and trying to relax. “Where’s your kids?”

“They’re napping,” he said quietly, “we spent the morning with Troy and his kids. Troy and Liz are talking about having a little get together at your dad’s place once he’s home.”

Kyle nodded. “He’d like that. Where’s Brian?”

“Oh,” Andy looked behind himself down the short hallway, “he’s just getting cleaned up.”

“Cleaned up from what,” he suddenly got an odd feeling like he had interrupted something. Andy seemed a little flushed and his hair seemed damp.

“Just an expression,” Andy chuckled softly, “for all I know he’s in there taking a huge shit.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Thanks for that mental image.”

“Welcome,” he said helpfully. “Want a beer or something?”

He thought about it and then remembered what he came to talk about and the fact that he’d be back in the house with Jacob later dissuaded him. “Just some water will be fine.”

Andy shrugged and got up just as Brian emerged from the back of the house. They gave each other a knowing smirk before Brian sat down on the other end of the sofa. His face turned serious as he stated, “so, he told you about Jacob’s drinking problem.”

“I learned more about my dad in two hours than I did in all the time I ever lived with him.” He spoke honestly, keeping his attention on Brian. “And what I learned today is that I made a mistake reacting the way I did and keeping my distance from them for so long.”

“So, tell me,” Brian asked, looking at him with a guarded expression, “why did you react the way that you did?” Andy returned to the room with two beers and a bottled water. He handed the water to Kyle. “I’m not saying I don’t think you were out of line at the time. But, why did it take you so long to come back?” Brian sat up and moved to let Andy sit on the corner and leaned back against him before Andy passed him one of the beers. Andy kept his eyes on Kyle as he opened his own beer and took a long drink.

“I had a kind of panic attack, I guess is the best way to describe it,” he said as he opened the water bottle. “When I saw Jacob in dad’s bed, my head immediately went into overdrive. In my mind what I saw was that they were together because I wasn’t able to be there with Jacob like he needed. Dad was and they fell in love. God, it sounds so silly now that I say it out loud but at the time, that is what I thought. My mind kind of snapped at that point. I don’t remember much of the next couple days before I got back to my dorm. I remember a park and driving all night. That’s about it.”

The two of them listened to him patiently. Neither showing any kind of anger towards him in their eyes as he continued. “I figured there was no point in going back. I was hurt and I was angry. I felt like everything I had worked for up to that point was gone and I had no future left. All that mattered then was finishing law school and getting a job so I could start a new life.”

Brian regarded him curiously while Andy had a troubled expression on his face, his eyes softening as he listened. Brian spoke up, a little friendlier than before. “I really can’t blame you. Not sure I would have done much better, to be honest.” A frown formed on his lips as he pressed on. “But, regardless of what you went through, you left Jacob a mess. He lost nearly all of the confidence he’d gained over the years since he got away from his father. It took a long time to get him back.”

Kyle sighed. “I need to tell him what happened. But I don’t think he wants to listen.”

“And you’re hoping I’ll soften him up for you,” Brian’s eyes darkened. “Why do you even care at this point anyway?”

“Because he deserves better,” Kyle muttered.

“And he’s still in love with him,” Andy blurted out as he watched Kyle.

Brian glanced over at Andy and muttered, “looks like I’ll be scrubbing your back too.” Andy smirked as he took a long drink from his beer. Brian looked back at Kyle and asked bluntly, “is this true?”

Kyle was silent for a moment. He hadn’t expected that question. He hadn’t even thought about it. “Of course I still love him. I wanted to be with him my entire life.”

“You had a funny way of showing it,” Brian said caustically.

“Bri,” Andy said in a gentle tone, “that’s not helping. It’s not like you don’t know how it feels.”

“This is different,” Brian countered. Kyle looked from one of them to the other, not entirely understanding.

“Not by much,” Andy said, his tone becoming tender as he stared at Brian. “It wasn’t fair what you went through. Kyle might not have known the truth at the time but he still went through the same feelings.” Brian looked at him for a moment before sighing. He took a long drink of his beer and stared thoughtfully at the bottle before returning his attention to Kyle.

“What’s he talking about?” Kyle felt like he was being left out of something.

“Nevermind that,” Brian muttered. Andy’s words seemed to have taken most of the fight out of him. “Ok. You want to know about Jacob’s alcoholism. I’ll tell you what I know. Some of it might surprise you or make you angry but it’s the truth.” He took another drink before he started in. “I wanna say it was about a year after you took off that I started hanging out with him more. I came home after college and puttered around for a year or so. Jacob and I would go out and party regularly and we helped out Dad at home. He was finishing his apprenticeship and was really getting into it. He had started drawing and designing by that point. Dad and I encouraged him to take some classes at the junior college. He was doing it all, really then. Keeping busy with working, helping out Dad, going to school and doing the carpentry thing. I think a lot of it was just keeping his mind off of his problems. One thing I noticed right away was that there’d be like two cases of beer at the house in the afternoon and by the next morning it would be gone.

“Turns out he was a pretty functional drunk. He would almost literally drink all day long. Just kept himself a comfortable buzz and none of us were aware of it. About maybe a year or so after Andy got married…” he paused for a moment, frowning to himself before continuing, “I started working in Pittsburgh at the college there. I was splitting my time between there and here. Jacob’s schedule freed up after he finished classes and was just working with Troy, same as Andy. Occasionally, I’d invite him to come out partying with me. The first time we went out on the town together, he was a little nervous and that’s when he started hitting the hard liquor.” Brian rolled his eyes remembering. “Let me tell you, the nervousness was gone soon after that and he became a really different person. I think that was the first time we had sex too. We were both drunk and ended back and my place. He was really not what I expected. Very hot and heavy but oddly affectionate.”

Brian smirked and shook his head. “Anyway, I should’ve known then that he wasn’t quite right but...” he paused and glanced over at Andy who offered him a warm and understanding smile, “I was kind of nursing my own bruises at the time.” Kyle watched the silent exchange. He had another question to ask them before he left but waited until Brian was done. “That went on for a few months. Whenever he was closer to sober he seemed shy and guilty when he was around me and I couldn’t get him to talk. Sometimes he’d get drunk enough he’d talk about you. Those weren’t fun nights. Dad used to call me worried because Jacob would grab a bottle and wander out into the groves and be there all night. Other than that, he never wanted to discuss you. We ended up breaking up, if you wanna call it that. More or less we just decided to stay friends and not sleep together anymore. But the drinking continued and he could get pretty messed up at the bars.”

Brian finished his beer and leaned back with a introspective frown on his face as he continued. “One night he asked me to join him at some bar in town. I saw him get drunk enough he’d let anyone touch him or make out with him or whatever. He had a bit of a gut going on at that point but he still had the hot face and the hair so it’s not like guys weren’t already crawling all over him. I think he was starved for the attention and would do anything anyone asked. I nearly lost him that night. He was so drunk he could barely walk and this guy had him by the hand and was leading him towards the door. This guy had a reputation of being a predator. I’d been warned about him myself once when he was hitting on me. He tries to get friendly with a guy, lace his drink and then get them home. From what I’d heard, he tended to get into some serious BDSM stuff with no safe word, if you know what I mean.” Brian leaned in towards Kyle and looked in his eyes. “Imagine what a guy like that could have done to someone who’d been physically and emotionally abused by his father since he was a kid. The second I saw it, I ran them down and yanked Jacob away from him. I swear to God, Kyle, I’m pretty sure if I’d let that guy walk him out of there, we might’ve never seen him again. Nearly called the cops, though I wouldn’t’ve had anything concrete to accuse him of. After that, I refused to take him out anymore. I called Troy and we staged an intervention with the four of us. It took us all night and part of the next day to convince him he needed help.” Andy nodded slightly, verifying what Brian said. “We got him into a program and he’s been sober ever since. He did get some counseling in the first year but he stopped going. He told me he didn’t need it anymore. From what I’ve seen from him, it seems accurate.” Brian went silent and finished his beer, setting it down.

Kyle sat back, processing all of it. It was going to take awhile before he understood all of it. He’ll have to confront Jacob later. “Thank you for telling me.”

Brian shrugged, “just don’t tell him who told you. He’s very prickly about all of it. I think he feels like it makes him just like his dad and that’s the last thing he wants to be.”

Kyle nodded in understanding. Andy took Brian’s empty bottle and his own and went into the kitchen to get more. When Andy was out of the room, he decided to ask the other question he was wanting to ask. He leaned over and asked in a whisper, “what’s going on between you two? That wasn’t a friendly look he gave you earlier.”

One side of Brian’s mouth lifted in a playing smirk, “looked friendly enough to me.”

His face matched his words as he responded, “I’m not buying that bullshit. Are you two…?”

Brian started to chuckle silently. Andy came in and handed him another beer before he sat down next to him, watching them. “What’s so funny?”

“The two of you,” Kyle responded with a little sarcasm.

“What about us,” Andy asked with a little smile.

“Did I interrupt something when I texted you,” Kyle asked, trying to piece it all together.

Brian and Andy exchanged looks for a moment before Andy said quietly, “go ahead and tell him.”

Brian cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?”

Andy nodded, “I think it’s time we come clean. He’s been through enough, I think.” Kyle looked between the two of them, having a good idea of what they meant but still unable to really believe it. “Liz already suspects,” talking more to Brian than Kyle. “Said something about, ‘knowing a freshly fucked face’ when she sees one.”

Brian fell into a fit of giggles and leaned onto Andy who put his free arm around him and kissed his cheek, looking over at their friend. Kyle’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Wait. You two…?”

Brian nodded, speaking up once he got his giggles under control, “since we were in junior high. Not that we did anything about it back then. We used to helplessly flirt with each other for years.”

Andy held him closer as he spoke, “I wasn’t very good at admitting it to anyone including myself. Part of the reason why I joined the marines.”

“I couldn’t say anything because I had a good idea how my parents would have reacted,” Brian shrugged helplessly. “Then our wires got a little crossed and Idiot here decided to knock up Stacy and marry her.”

Kyle laughed slightly, the shock that two of his closest friends had been involved with each other right under his nose. “You’re making this up.”

“You want me to fuck him right in front of you,” Brian offered with a serious look.

Kyle laughed harder and waved his hands, “okay, okay. I believe you. Have you told anyone else?”

“Well,” Andy began with a smirk, “we’ve been busy. Making up for lost time. Haven’t had much time. I guess now we should tell everyone else since you know. We were going to have a little fun with it and see who figured out what and when.”

“Oh, well, don’t let me ruin your fun,” Kyle said smiling. “I won’t tell the others and you guys can have your fun. Consider it payment for talking with me today about Jacob. I really do appreciate it.”

“Just show him you still love him, Kyle,” Brian said gently, “he still loves you. If he was angry at you it was because of how you left. Apologize and explain it to him. He’ll listen if you mean it.”

“Thanks,” he said. “And, just so I know, you two aren’t mad at me?”

Andy smirked and said, “you’re an idiot and you made a mistake. You’re here and you’re trying to make it right. Nothing to be mad about. I understand what you went through. Trauma can make a man do crazy things. Bri understands too. He’s just being protective of Jacob.”

Brian looked up at him and said softly, “have I mentioned lately how much I love you?”

“Not in the last half hour or so, no,” he responded, grinning. Andy caught Kyle’s look and said to him apologetically, “sorry. Like I said, we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“I think that’s my cue to go,” Kyle said rising. Brian and Andy both stood up as well. They walked him to the door and took turns giving him a warm embrace.

“Glad you’re back, bro,” Andy said with genuine affection.

“I’ve missed you guys,” Kyle said as he hugged him back. “For what it’s worth, I’m happy for the two of you. I’ll be happy to show up to the wedding.”

“Wedding?!” Brian giggled as he took Andy’s place in his arms. “I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves.”

“Probably,” Kyle smiled and stepped out of the house. “I’ll see you guys soon,” he gave them one last smile before he turned and headed back to his car and drove back to the house, still deep in thought but feeling a little more positive about how things may end up.