The Acquittal - 11. Chapter 10

Kyle sat next to Troy, outwardly patient in a waiting room on the second floor of the hospital. They had been sitting in this room since they arrived, waiting to hear from the doctors and hoping for good news. But an hour had passed already and they hadn’t heard anything. Troy spoke occasionally about mundane things and Kyle only occasionally paid attention as his thoughts turned inward. Talking to Troy over breakfast had forced him to relook at things and himself. The anger and hurt he had felt for years had been a shield to protect him from having to deal with what happened between him and his father. But it all seemed hollow now. The anger was slowly shifting. The more he dwelled on it, the more angry at himself he became.

As much as it used to hurt, trying to remember that night and that morning the last time he was home was becoming smaller than it used to be. When did that happen? He could remember a time when just hearing a certain phrase or a certain sound would bring that memory back like a fist ramming into his chest. How debilitating it would make him for hours or sometimes days afterwards. He would be more curmudgeon in his attitude and put people at a distance. The anger became a kind of comfort for him in the beginning. The easiest way to avoid the pain was to feel nothing or let his anger fuel him so much he couldn’t feel anything else. Shut off all his feelings and he wouldn’t need to deal with it. But that came with a cost. If he felt no pain he could feel no happiness either. Once started, it took time to slowly open back up. It used to grate on Stephanie’s nerves how he could go from laughing and joking with her and their friends to quiet and withdrawn the next day with no explanation for the sudden change.

Over time the anger became like an old pair of shoes he could slip into and feel comfortable even as it undermined his friendships. And Jason. He never could admit to it at the time but being with Jason had been a good time for him. Even as much as it hurt in the beginning so soon after he lost Jacob. Jason had been the one to reach out to him. He could tell Kyle was hurting even if he would never admit it. It took a couple months before he finally opened the door a small crack and let Jason in. He came to regret that as soon as their relationship went from being friends to lovers. And he did love Jason. He was funny, smart, caring and enthusiastic. But he was also as hard headed as Kyle was and they would clash anytime he slipped into one of his depressive moods and Jason would become frustrated with him. It didn’t help that the first time they had sex Kyle felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for what he had done to the point they didn’t have sex again until a few months later when they moved in together.

Ultimately, it was Kyle’s inability to communicate with Jason about his problems that lead to their demise. In a small way, he missed him. But he never loved Jason the way he had loved Jacob. It was never as intense. At its best, it was comfortable and safe. He didn’t have to look like a lonely pathetic twenty-something who carried a chip on his shoulder. He did things for Jason but he never really put all of himself into it. He had been with Jacob for years. Even with the physical distance between them, his heart was always with Jacob. After Jason left him, his mood tended to darken more and stay that way for days or even weeks. Stephanie was initially wary about Kyle’s desire to have a child together but he ultimately convinced her and when his son was born, he became a different person. She felt a sense of relief seeing him more like his old self when he became a father. He was kinder and happier than he had been. Her hope was that as the years passed he would go back to the man he used to be. Maybe that’s when it started to change inside him? The birth of his son made his own memories of his father - the good memories - start to seep back into his everyday thinking. He would deny them and push them aside but they would always return. Some mote of advise or experience with his father that he could rely on. Small things that helped him get through days with a small child that seemed impossible on his own. His father did it, he could do it too.

Thoughts about his father continued to swirl as he sat there. Thinking about all the their times together. Time spent with his father and his friends. How warm and inviting he always seemed. He wished he could have that father back but he wasn’t sure if it was possible. Troy told him it was possible but nagging fears and doubts left him uncertain. He just couldn’t see the path leading him to that end. How do you speak to someone you haven’t seen in years? What are the words you use to make all the years of estrangement and discomfort disappear?

What if… it’s too late? What if he only got here in time to say goodbye?

A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his reverie. “You ok in there?” Troy’s voice was subdued but let Kyle know he was concerned.

“I’m...” he paused. He could try and brush it off or he could reach out. He decided to take the risk. “Not sure what to say to him.”

“Maybe just let him do the talking and follow his lead,” Troy offered. “I’ll be there with you. You’ll be okay.”

Kyle stared at the floor. “I’m sorry. About all of this.”

“It’s not your fault,” Troy assured him. “A lot of things happened all at the wrong time. We’ll fix this together.”

Kyle closed his eyes as he felt that familiar feeling of what it was like having Troy with him through tough moments. He couldn’t help but smirk as he felt a tear in his eye, remembering how it was Troy who made it easier for him to come out to his friends and his father. Maybe, in a subconscious way, he had called Troy purposefully. He hadn’t really needed to, after all. He could have ignored it, come home, saw his dad and turned around and left if he wanted. Maybe he knew he couldn’t do this without him. “I’m tired.”

“Didn’t sleep last night,” Troy asked.

He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just tired. I’m tired of all of this. I keep running it over in my mind how I could get back to where I was. I just want all of this to end.”

“Well,” Troy said with a reassuring smile, “that’s a good place to start. But, I think what you really need is to admit that you have a problem inside yourself.”

“you mean about what happened back at breakfast?”

Troy nodded. “This may come as a shock to you but that isn’t a normal reaction. And it’s not the only time I’ve seen you do it. Your eyes will glass over when you get real bad like that time when I all but made you tell me you were gay. I’ll admit, part of that was my fault because I did force the issue. But in my defense, I felt like you had been hiding it from yourself as much as the rest of us and I thought that maybe if I cracked the shell myself it would make it easier for you.” He watched Kyle’s reaction and wasn’t surprised to find him looking guarded. “Tell me truthfully. You didn’t want to tell me back then because you were afraid I wasn’t going to be friends with you anymore, didn’t you?”

He looked away for a moment before reluctantly muttering, “I was scared you were going to tell everyone too.”

“Looking back on it now, does it seem pretty stupid to think that those were things I would have done to you,” Troy asked, looking into his eyes.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“You got problems dealing with stress, Kyle,” he said simply, “You need to talk to someone about it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Troy gave him a meaningful look and added, “think about it and think about the dad you want to be for your son as he grows up.”

That statement made him pause. He hadn’t considered that his problems could affect Matt. Just as he was opening his mouth to say something, the inner door of the waiting room opened and an older man in a white lab coat stepped in. “Mr. Howard,” he asked expectedly. Kyle stood up, staring at the man. He was perhaps in his late 50’s, near his dad’s age. He had graying hair and a set of wire rimmed glasses perched on his nose. The man nodded and motioned him through the door with Troy following close behind. The man said nothing to the two of them as lead them down a small hallway, stopping at a door and ushering them into a relatively sterile office space. As he closed the door, he extended a hand to the both of them. “I’m Dr. Markham. Cardiologist . Please, have a seat.” He moved around to sit behind the desk as Kyle and Troy both sat down, looking at him expectantly.

“Is there news, sir,” Troy asked.

The man nodded. “We have some encouraging news actually. We called in another cardiologist from Philadelphia to consult. Your father’s condition seemed to be caused by a weakening of muscle tissue along the left ventricle. I was at a loss to explain it since there were no other symptoms matching any known problem I’ve ever ran into so I consulted with a friend there and he came out to look at our findings today.”

The doctor opened a file on his desk and began to review the pages inside as if double-checking it before continuing. “David seems to have been under an undue amount of stress which caused an increase in vascular dilation. We found signs of low blood pressure but no noticable blood clots to suggest any kind of coronary failure. After we double checked everything, we believe that what your father has is called, ‘Toktsubo Cardiomyopathy’ also known as ‘stress cardiomyopathy.’”

Kyle looked at the doctor in silence for a moment. “Do you know what caused it?” Guilt was starting to rise up inside him.

The doctor shook his head, “it’s always hard to say. It’s usually brought on by sudden stress or chronic depression but there is a lot we still don’t know about this particular condition. We can treat it and I think we should look at treating the underlying symptoms as well. It’s possible he suffers from depression and has for years. From his records, he was in the marine corps thirty-some years ago. These things can go on for long periods of time without being noticed. Again, there’s still a lot we don’t know about the causes. We have some medications we’re treating him with now and we think he can be released in a day or two depending on how well he responds to treatment.”

“When can we see him,” Troy asked.

“Well, he’s awake, last time I saw him, so you can go up and see him now if you’d like. A quick visit shouldn’t hurt but we want to keep his stress levels low. His heart has been strained for awhile and he needs rest more than anything else. A couple minutes or so, but no more than that for now.”

The two men nodded before Kyle asked, “is there anything else we need to know?”

“Treatment is easy and there’s usually a rare chance of it happening again,” the doctor said as he rose to his feet. “Just be sure that when he goes home he rests for a month. He should come back in two weeks to do a follow up to make sure he’s responding to the treatment. The prescription for his heart should last for about two weeks but the anti-depressants should continue after that. At least until he sees a therapist of some sort and then go with their recommendation.”

“Thank you,” Kyle said as he left the room and headed down the hallway he came from.

“Kyle,” Troy called out as he caught up with him. “Wait a minute.”

Kyle stopped as they stepped out of the waiting room into the main hallway, looking at Troy with mild impatience. “What?”

Troy put a hand on his shoulder and said quietly, “take this slow. And don’t beat yourself up with what you just found out.”

Kyle’s lips pressed thin in irritation. “If you’re telling me I shouldn’t feel guilty, that ship has already sailed.”

“I can’t tell you not to,” Troy said as he started walking slower towards the elevator with him, “just let me go in first. And this is just going to be a quick visit for now like the doctor said.”

He sighed and didn’t say anything as they walked to the elevator with Troy and waited for the ride up. As they rode up Troy placed his hand back on Kyle’s shoulder. It offered him only a small comfort. As they exited the elevator and went down the hall, Kyle got a sudden sense of dread along with remembering the last time he was here. Troy lead him down the hall to a doorway, stopping there and saying to Kyle quietly, “Give me a minute to get the ball rolling, ok?” Kyle frowned his displeasure but didn’t argue. Troy turned and walked into the room, leaving Kyle in the hallway. “Hey, old man,” he said in a friendly manner.

“Old man, huh? You’re sounding like your wife.” The voice was a little softer than he remembered, maybe from just being in here. But Kyle knew that voice and it brought back a tidal wave of emotions. He did his best to beat it back and stay focused. He needed to not lose his composure in front of his dad right now.

“I hear there’s good news,” Troy was saying. “You’ll be out in a couple days. If you can manage to do what you’re told.”

“Yeah, so I hear,” the voice was friendly if maybe a little drier than he remembered. “I guess you and Jacob’ll be babysitting me and driving me nuts for however long they want.”

“Well, I might be busy. But, I think I have a replacement you might like.”

“Oh, shit, you’re gonna sic your wife on me? She already treats me like I’m ancient.” Kyle grinned and stifled a laugh.

“No,” Troy responded. “I got a call from someone else today you might wanna spend some time with.”

There was a moment of silence in the room. When he heard his father’s voice again it sounded almost hopeful. “Who?”

Troy lifted his voice a little and said, “Come on in.”

Kyle’s feet seemed rooted to the spot for a second before he managed to force himself to take the couple steps past the doorway where he turned and stopped, looking at his father. He was a lot different from the man he saw six years ago when he had tried to mend things at his graduation. His hair was mostly gray now including his beard with only a few hints of brown left. The skin underneath was paler than he could remember and seemed thinner as well. But the eyes and the mouth that slowly opened in stunned amazement was unmistakable. He stood there for a second looking at his dad and then down at the floor before looking back at him and saying in a small, uncertain voice, “hi... Dad.”

David’s eyes widened, staring at what he thought for a moment was just a dream. When he found his voice again it was soft and strained. “Kyle?” His son moved towards him wordlessly with his head tilted down. When he reached his side he leaned down and wrapped his arms around his dad. David let out a choked sob as he clutched his son. “Oh, God. Kyle! Kyle, I’ve missed you so much.”

His eyes closed as he held his father close. He’d missed that voice. That touch. This touch. The pain he had been carrying around for so long wasn’t strong enough anymore to block out the other memories of a lifetime spent with this man. “I missed you too.” They both hung in that moment, not wanting to let go of each other. Every second spent feeling his dad’s arms around him he could feel all the hurt, the anxiety and panic bleed out of him. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry for all of this.”

“No,” his father said in a small, shaky voice, “there’s nothing for you to be sorry for. I should have tried harder. There’s...” He paused to get his voice under control. “There’s a lot you need to know. Things I haven’t told you and I should have.”

Kyle shook his head as he stepped back, releasing his hold but keeping his hands on his dad. “We don’t need to rehash what happened, dad. We can just let it go.”

“It’s not about that,” his dad explained softly. “Well, it is but there’s more to it. And it’s important to me that you know.”

“Well,” Troy broke into their conversation, “maybe we can wait until tomorrow. You’ve already had a full day and you need to rest. The doctors don’t want us here tiring you out.”

David scowled at Troy, “I’m not tired.”

Troy smirked slightly, unaffected by his gaze, “Yes, you are. I can tell by your voice just now.”

“I haven’t seen him in years,” he complained.

“And one more day isn’t going to kill you,” Troy replied simply like someone would say to a child. “But right now, the doctors want you to rest and more importantly I want you to rest.”

Kyle looked back and forth, “I’m not leaving town any time soon, Dad. It can wait.”

“Fine,” he muttered in disappointment. “Your room is the same as how you left it. I guess I can wait until tomorrow.” He eyed both of the men standing around him.

Kyle smirked despite the seriousness. “I promise. First thing tomorrow I’ll be here and we can talk.”

His dad looked up at him, his face looking at him with all his love and concern. “It can’t come soon enough. And, please, come alone. What I need to tell you... It’s... personal.” His eyes dropped to his lap, the loving eyes becoming more introspective.

Kyle stepped up to him and leaned down, kissing the top of his head as he rubbed his back. “Promise. I’ll be here in the morning.”

Troy stepped up to hug the man and said quietly but firmly, “tell Andy to not stay too long with the boys when he shows up later.”

The man sighed in irritation, “Sure, take all my fun away...”

Troy chuckled. “That’s my job. Rest and get better. Then you can come home and harass us from the comfort of your sofa.”

David smirked and laid his head back on his pillow. “Get out, you bossy asshole.”

Kyle snickered as he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Dad.” He walked out of the door with Troy, surprised he felt relieved. How stupid he felt for thinking things would be combative or make matters worse. If anything he felt a sense of relief. The past seemed less of a weight on his shoulders than it did the last nine years. It felt almost too easy. More should have been said or he should have been chastised. But, in reality, that was all it took. He could feel all the barriers between him and his father were just gone. As his mood improved he also started feeling a stronger sense of guilt. The barriers were of his own making. His father had nothing to do with their estrangement. He waited too long. It shouldn’t have lasted for years. If he had been brave enough in the moment to stop and listen then when he should have, maybe this could have been avoided. But he ran away and hid. From his father, his lover, his friends and himself.

“You did good,” Troy said as he clapped him on his shoulder, “took a lot of worry off his shoulders, just now.”

“I feel like an idiot,” he said flatly.

Troy chuckled, “why do you feel like an idiot?”

“I should have done this sooner,” he sighed.

Troy started leading him back where they came in. “Just figuring that out..?” he replied. “Maybe we could have fixed this sooner if you had trusted me. Could have fixed a lot of things sooner...”

“I want to see Jacob,” he said. “I’m not sure what I can salvage there but I want to at least try.”

Troy frowned slightly and said nothing. He silently prayed it would go as well as he hoped. They exited the building a few minutes later, heading to their cars. Before he could get into his, Kyle was stopped by Troy’s hand on his arm. When he turned, Troy’s face showed a seriousness to it as he said in a careful tone, “I just want you to keep in mind before we get there that Jacob isn’t the same person you used to know. He’s been through a lot since you left. He could react better actually seeing you but it’s possible he might not. It could take some time before he feels like talking.”

Kyle gave him an odd look. “So, what am I gonna do if I’m staying there with him for the next few days?”

Troy shrugged, “I don’t know. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up is all.” He released his hold on him and climbed into his own car before driving off.

Kyle was quick to follow, the way home still imprinted in his mind. He was a little worried about what Troy had just told him about Jacob. What happened that made him change? Was it something that happened after he left? Was his leaving the cause? He forced himself to stop dwelling on it. He had to resign himself to the fact that what’s done is done and all he can do now is the best he can to fix whatever he may have broken.

He navigated his way towards the house, off the main highway heading north out of town. As he made the turn into the driveway he was surprised to find it paved instead of the gravel that used to be there. The sign, “Howard and Howard Orchard,” next to it looked new as well. Painted with bright colors and intricately carved. Driving up the small slope his eyes took in the vast expanse of the groves. He slowed to a stop towards the end of the drive and stared at it. He was slightly disturbed to see that it had changed as well. Some of the trees he remembered were gone. Whole acres seem to have been cleared with smaller, younger trees in their place. It was nearing the time of the year for the apples to start ripening. His father usually took in a lot of part time help to gather most of the apples and send them off to the markets. How was his dad dealing with that while he was in the hospital?

He parked his car on the paved driveway that was now big enough to park several cars on it and got out, taking stock of some of the other noticeable changes around him. To his right, the old barn where dad had kept most of the tools and supplies he used was gone, replaced with an even bigger building in its place. Beside it was a second smaller building with a couple windows and a set of large doors at the end of the building along with a standard sized door on the side. Beside it was parked a large newer model black Ram 3500 pickup truck. To his left, the house stood as faithful as ever but even that was changed. The back porch had been expanded out from what had once been just a set of stairs leading up to a small landing connected to the back door. The steps had been removed, replaced with a wooden ramp that seemed to flow up to a wide patio that wrapped around to the back of the house. By its size, Kyle guessed it could hold up to fifteen people without feeling cramped. The railing along the ramp was intricately carved with small apples and leaves twisting and turning their way up to the top of the ramp. He could hear Troy walking up behind as he moved up to the back door which also appeared new. Solid oak with a dark stained finish gave it an imposing look. Upon closer inspection he saw small carvings in the wood, swirling and twisting in beautiful patterns. Troy stopped him as he moved past, reaching for his set of keys and setting one in the lock, giving it a turn before he pushed the door which swung open on silent hinges.

He followed behind Troy as he stepped into the kitchen, stopping to look around. The familiar kitchen of his youth was gone, replaced by new cabinets and counters along with new appliances. The flooring had been replaced with dark brick-colored tiles. His soft shoes tread slowly over them as he took in all the changes. Troy watched him as he turned around to take all of it in before following him as Kyle moved through the doorway into the hall, passed the other familiar rooms. All of them had changed in one way or another. Kyle stepped through the wide open doorway into the living room, the room that always seemed the most inviting when he was a boy. The room where he and his friends used to have their movie nights and other enjoyments growing up. All the furniture he remembered was gone. Now a flat screen TV dominated the far wall and there was a semicircle of three sofas against the other walls and a recliner in one corner. The floors looked new as well. Wide slats of stained wood covered the floor, giving the room a more rustic feel to it. He stood in the center and looked around with eyes full of surprise.

“Welcome home,” Troy said with a smile.

“When did all this happen,” Kyle asked.

Troy shrugged. “A little here and there over time. Jacob did most of the work as he got better over time. Some things took longer than others. He did his best to make it a good home that’ll last a lot more years.”

Kyle remained silent as he continued to look around. Most of the pictures on the wall he remembered were all still here. A few new ones as well. Pictures of new families. Andy, his ex-wife and their sons along with pictures of Troy and his family had taken up residence on the walls of the room. He stepped a little closer to inspect the images. As his eyes moved from one frame to the next, he was stopped by one picture. He took a step closer to it and gazed at the occupants in the frame. Five young men, boys really, all wearing tuxedos. His eyes focused on the two in the middle. Their hands held together, surrounded by their friends. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the back door opening and shutting. Turning to look at Troy, he felt a sudden panic rise inside him that he wasn’t where he should be. That this wasn’t his house anymore.

“Troy?” A voice of pleasant curiosity came from where they had just entered. A voice Kyle remembered all too well as heavy, booted footsteps approached. It may have sounded a little deeper than what he remembered but just hearing it caused emotions to swirl and collide inside him. Kyle’s tongue suddenly felt too big in a mouth that had seemed to have gone dry in an instant. He turned towards the doorway as Troy called out, “we’re in here.”

As the footsteps came closer, Kyle’s heartbeat seemed to grow louder in his chest. For a moment he thought he was going to pass out. “Did Brian get a new car or something? I’ve ne-” the words were cut off as the man entered the room and saw who was there. Kyle’s eyes took in every detail as their eyes met. Jacob had changed. His black hair seemed darker than he remembered and it hung down past his shoulders, not unlike it had in high school. He was wearing work boots and carpenter cut jeans with a slim waist. A dark green V-neck shirt with a white undershirt covering his chest made him look even bigger than Kyle remembered and the strong arms he remembered touching seemed to have grown as well. His mouth was open slightly in surprise before it shut but those piercing ice blue eyes were no different than they had been ten years ago. With his face covered in a few days growth of dark facial hair and the skin underneath seemed tanner from working outside than he remembered he was definitely older but this was Jacob.

Jacob had been smiling when he first walked into the room. As his eyes caught sight of Kyle, the smile froze and then faded to a confused stare. The eyes that had seemed warm and friendly slowly dimmed, looking to Troy as if to confirm what he was seeing before returning to Kyle. No one spoke at first. Kyle’s hopes of a happy reunion teetered for a moment and he almost worked up the ability to speak before Jacob’s entire face suddenly went cold and his eyes seemed to darken. Jacob finally turned to look at Troy and centered on him as he said in a quiet but heated voice, “the fuck is he doing here?”

Kyle’s breath was suddenly gone. He expected maybe a sullen attitude like Jacob used to have when they first met but this was openly hostile. Troy fixed his gaze on Jacob and said in a forcefully polite tone, “You know why he’s here. We just came from--”

Jacob cut him off. “Is he staying here?” Kyle started feeling nauseous. He wasn’t even bothering to talk to him, addressing Troy instead as if he wasn’t even in the room. He could see the muscles in Jacob’s neck strain as he clenched his jaw.

Troy lifted his stern voice a bit to match Jacob’s. “Yes, he is. Now why don’t--”

“Fine.” Jacob glared at them both before he walked out of the room from where he came. His feet stomping out an angry tempo before they both heard the back door open and slammed shut hard enough to set the pots that were hanging in the kitchen to clang softly.

Kyle couldn’t move or speak. All the relief and the prospect of a good visit he had when he was with his father seemed to bleed out of him from a hole Jacob’s anger had stabbed in his chest. He didn’t want to look at Troy and see a form of an “I told you so” from him. As he tried to gather himself together he felt Troy’s hand on his shoulder and a gentle nudge leading him towards one of the couches. He heard Troy sigh and say, “in hindsight, that could have gone better. I’ll take the blame for that. I should have talked to him yesterday about you coming but I got caught up in the kids and forgot.” Troy gave Kyle a small push to get him to sit down as he joined him on the sofa.

“I thought you said he doesn’t hate me,” Kyle said as he turned to look at his friend.

“He doesn’t,” Troy said assuredly, though to Kyle it almost seemed like he was trying to convince himself. “He just isn’t good with surprises and wasn’t ready to handle as big of a surprise as you.”

“So, what am I going to do,” he asked. “I’m gonna have to sleep here with him acting like this?”

“He’ll calm down soon.” Troy realized he may need help and reached for his phone. “Hopefully.”

“Hopefully?!”

Troy tapped at his phone few times before he put it up to his ear, looking at Kyle and saying, “I told you he wasn’t like the person you used to know...”

Kyle sat back on the couch, wondering how the rest of this week was going to go if he was going to have to deal with that level of animosity from Jacob. “Maybe I should just go home.”

“You can’t. You promised your father remember?” Troy’s attention shifted to his phone when he heard the other side connect. “Brian? Where are you?”

“I’m on my way into town now,” Troy could hear Brian’s voice sounded distant so he knew he was in his car using his speakerphone.

“Which town,” He asked. “I thought you were here this morning.”

“I was,” Brian replied in with a little irritation. “I went back to my place to get some clothes and I’m on my way back. What do you need?”

“I need you to stop by the house and talk to Jacob.”

There was a long pause before Brian responded, affecting a tone of polite curiosity. “Why exactly do I need to talk to Jacob, Troy?”

“Because he kind of flipped out on us when me and Kyle showed up,” Troy braced himself for what he knew was about to happen.

“Why would he have flipped out,” Brian asked, a subtle edge creeping into his words. “He shouldn’t have flipped out if you talked to him last night like you said you would.”

“I kinda got sidetracked,” Troy said, hoping his excuse would pass. “The kids needed me and by the time I remembered, well, I was sitting with Kyle at breakfast.”

“You son of a bitch!” Brian yelled loud enough to make Troy wince and pull the phone away from his ear. “I told you to talk to him! What did he do?”

“Jacob? He didn’t, ah...” Troy searched for the right words. “He wasn’t too happy to see him, we’ll just put it that way.”

“Fuck,” Brian muttered. “So what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“I need you to come over and talk him down.”

“Fuck that! I’m not getting in the middle of that shit!”

Troy groaned. “He’ll listen to you, Brian. Normally he’d listen to me but I could tell he wasn’t too happy with me standing right next to Kyle.”

“Do you all have to talk about me like I’m not here,” Kyle asked slightly in irritation.

“Well maybe if he would’ve shown up sooner than years after the fact,” Brian said with only a slight trace of humor in his voice, “we wouldn’t still be talking about him and would be talking to him!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Brian...” Troy was losing his patience.

“Fine,” Brian said irritably. “I’ll try. No promises. I’ll be there in about five.”

The line was cut off and Troy put his phone back in his pocket. “Let’s get your stuff out of your car,” he said as he stood up. Kyle wordlessly followed him out of the house to his car. They retrieved two bags and his briefcase to take into the house, setting them on the floor next to the stairs. After that was done Troy headed back to the door. “I need to get home. Need to help Liz out with the kids. She’s starting to get irritated with me being gone most of the day when I should be home with her.”

Kyle followed behind him and asked, “where did he go anyway?”

Troy pointed to the smaller of the two buildings where the truck was parked. “That’s his workshop. Built it himself. Andy and I just helped him get the roof up.”

Kyle blinked in surprise and was about to ask more when he heard a car approaching. Turning, he saw a blue Lexus appear and park near his car. The two of them watched Brian park and step out of the car. He was dressed casual but stylish as always. He ran his hand through his blonde hair and a frown of displeasure was on his face as his eyes locked onto Troy and marched up to him.

Before Troy could say anything, Brian’s hand swung up and slapped the back of Troy’s head hard enough for him to yelp in pain. “That’s for not listening to me last night, dick.”

Kyle almost laughed but decided drawing attention to himself could get him a similar reception. Troy rubbed the back of his head and said in apology, “Okay, you were right and I fucked up. We heard from the doctors today. Dad is going to be okay. They figured out what was wrong with him and said he’ll make a full recovery. He should be home in a couple days.”

“Why didn’t you tell Jacob that,” Brian asked as his eyes narrowed.

“He wasn’t interested in what I had to say,” Troy replied.

Brian sighed as his arms crossed his chest. “He’s in there,” he asked as he tilted his head towards his workshop. Troy nodded and Brian groaned. “Lovely. Where all of his sharp objects are in easy reach.” He glanced over at Kyle and quipped, “if I were you, I wouldn’t step foot in there.”

Kyle glared at Brian, “happy to see you too.”

“You do realize you got what you deserved, right?” Brian’s tone indicated he had no sympathy for Kyle.

“Brian,” Troy warned, “try and remember what I told you last night.”

Brian stared at him for a moment before he sighed and muttered, “fucking hell. Ok, I’ll go talk to him.” As he walked past the two of them he reached out and slapped the back of Kyle’s head without breaking his stride. When he heard Kyle yelp in pain, he called back, “Ok. You’re forgiven now.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and looked over at Troy who was reaching into his pocket to get his keys. “Thanks.”

“Told you we’d fix this and we will,” Troy said. He stepped over to Kyle and gave him a tight hug. “I’ve missed you. I love you. And I’m glad you’re back. Please don’t disappear on me again.”

Kyle hugged him back and felt a momentary sense of relief. Maybe things will work out. All he could do was hope at this point. They released each other and Kyle said goodbye before heading into the house to get something to drink and relax after the long drive and the long morning he had had.

Brian slowly opened the door to Jacob’s workshop and leaned his head in to look around. He always got a small sense of wonder when he would walk in here. All around was stacks of lumber all cut into different lengths and thickness for whatever need Jacob may have for whatever he is building. Table saws and other large pieces of machinery were lined up against one side going down the length of the large structure. At the other end of the fifty foot long building he could see Jacob sitting on a stool working on some papers on his drawing desk with his back turned to the door. He smirked to himself slightly as he slowly closed the door and walked carefully over to him. “Hiding from something,” he asked as he was about halfway across the room.

Jacob turned suddenly in his stool, startled. When he saw Brian approaching his scowl eased but did not go away entirely. “What do you want,” he asked in a gruff voice. He turned in his stool and went back to what he was doing at his drawing desk.

“Do you mind if I sit down,” he asked politely as he came up to him. Jacob said nothing as he reached around the side of his desk and pulled another wooden stool to the side near him. Brian sat and watched as Jacob’s hands worked over the paper, the pencil seeming to flow over the page as it drew fine intricate lines. He smirked and giggled saying to him, “it still amazes me that you had this hidden talent for drawing none of us ever knew about.”

Jacob grunted softly, “never thought it mattered. Helped out some when I was studying architecture. Nothing special about it anyway.”

Brian rolled his eyes and sighed, “always so modest.” He got no response and frowned a little. Jacob was being a little more withdrawn than usual. “Should I inspect the area and the house before I leave,” he asked in a light humorous tone.

“You can, if you want,” Jacob said without expression keeping his eyes on his work. “Won’t find what you’re looking for.”

“I’m pretty sure I can trust you,” he remarked with a smile.

“Nice to know someone can,” Jacob frowned, his blue eyes still cold and flat.

Brian sighed, “so, yeah, I heard things didn’t go so great between you and Fucknut out there.” He watched Jacob’s face carefully, waiting to see which way his mood was swinging.

The frown deepened and he grunted slightly before saying, “he’s staying here. No choice but to deal with it.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better,” Brian said, trying to cheer him up, “Troy tells me that they figured out what was wrong with Dad’s heart and they’re treating it now. With any luck he’ll be home in a few days.”

Jacob nodded slightly, relieved. “Has he seen Kyle yet?”

Brian shrugged, “didn’t bother to ask but I would assume so. I had other things to worry about.”

“Like what?” His hand holding the pencil moved over the paper, drawing more lines into a vague shape. Brian was trying to guess what he was making and hadn’t figured it out yet.

“Like you,” he said matter of factly. “I’m sorry about what happened. Troy should have talked to you beforehand. I told him that and I just beat him over the head for not warning you first.”

“I’m a big boy now, Bri,” Jacob sighed and pushed his hair over his shoulder, “I can take care of myself.”

“So I see,” he said flippantly. “You saw him for the first time in nearly ten years and you ran and hid.”

“I’m not hiding,” he insisted with a little irritation in his voice. “I’m working on a crib for Troy. I do work here, you know. Maintaining the farm and my woodworking business. Taking care of Andy’s kids when he needs a sitter since Dad is in the hospital. Fixing things around the house. I like to stay busy.”

Brian slowly laid a hand on Jacob’s shoulder, feeling a little hopeful when he didn’t feel him flinch and pull away. In a tender voice he said, “you’re going to have to face him at some point. You can’t hide in here forever.”

Jacob’s hand stop moving on the paper. After a moment he put the pencil down and turned towards Brian. His face was stoic as he said in an even voice, “Bri, I appreciate your concern but I’m okay. I wasn’t prepared for him being here but I’ll get over it. I can be polite and I will mostly stay out of his way while he’s here. If he mended things with his dad, I’m happy for the both of them. But I don’t have much of anything to say to him. If they want me to leave, I’ll leave. Simple as that. This was never my home, I’ve just been staying here.” He turned back to his work as he added in a quieter tone, “I’ve overstayed my welcome anyway.”

He looked at Jacob with a mix of irritation and incredulousness, “you’re so full of fucking shit, you know that? You have loads of shit to get off your chest where he is concerned and we both know it so spare me the act. And this has been your home since you moved in so cut the drama of you suddenly deciding it’s time for you to pull up stakes and move on.”

“It wasn’t supposed to last this long,” his voice rose in anger, pounding his fist on the desk. “We were supposed to...! This was always meant to be temporary until everything went to shit because I’m a fuck up. If I had known about things back then, maybe it would’ve been different but I can’t go back in time and redo things. I’m sorry I fucked up and I’m sorry I ruined his life or whatever he’s telling everyone. But I’m done trying to make up for the things I’ve done with someone who couldn’t even give me the consideration of at least a fucking phone call!”

Brian’s eyes widened a little bit, surprised by his sudden outburst. More surprised that he actually said it than what was said. “Glad to see you got that off your chest. Don’t you think it’s time that someone else hears that too?”

Jacob sighed, looking away and said, “I’m sorry I yelled. Never fixes anything. Won’t fix this either. Just let it go.”

Brian sighed, trying to figure out a way to get him out of this room. “Why not just tell him what happened? I only just finally heard the story last night.”

“Won’t change the fact that it happened,” he said sullenly as he resumed work the paper, using a ruler to make measurements and jotting down notes.

“Might change his perspective,” Brian offered.

“Let it go, Bri,” he said.

“No, I won’t,” Brian’s voice got an edge to it as his eyes seemed to lock onto his. “You’ve had all of these pent up feelings inside you for years now since he left. You and I both know that that bullshit about how you have nothing to say to him is just you trying to convince yourself that it’s true.”

Jacob stared at him blankly. “What’s going to change if I tell him, huh? ‘Gee, Kyle, glad to see your back and, oh, by the way, I’m sorry I screwed around with your dad for one stupid night because I’m an alcoholic.’ He’ll have even more reason to hate me then.”

“You don’t know that,” Brian’s voice rose even as a smirk lifted the corners of his lips. “you’d be surprised the kinds of things that can be forgiven if you love someone enough. Stop being afraid of trying.”

Jacob shook his head. “I’ve only been sober for what now? Two years? What happens if I relapse? It usually happens.”

“Sometimes happens,” he corrected him. “You have friends who love you and are looking out for you. We keep all the booze out of the house and I hope we encourage you to stay sober. You know, I’m starting to think half of the problem with you two is that you’re too alike in some ways. You’re both prideful and at the same time horribly cruel to yourselves. Kyle was looking at me earlier today like I might bite his fucking head off. Yeah, I might be pissed at him for what he did and all but I understand why he did it. But that doesn’t erase years of friendship together. He’s forgotten that, I think.”

“I’m not ready to deal with this right now,” he said as he turned to go back to what he was drawing.

“Finally. An honest answer,” Brian said as he stood up. “One thing I will tell you, from experience. It’s a lot easier to reconnect with the person you love if you give them a chance. If you really want to reconnect with Kyle, then you have to open yourself up to him. You might get hurt a little but you also may end up finding out you worried over nothing.” He leaned over and planted a soft kiss on the side of Jacob’s head. “I gotta go. Someone’s waiting on me.”

“Who’s waiting on you,” he asked as he looked back up at him.

Brian’s face broke out into an impish little smirk. “Andy. I’m hanging out at his place this weekend.”

Jacob gave him an odd look. “Really? Why don’t you guys come over sometime then?”

His grin broadened as he responded. “We’ll see.” He walked back towards the door and stepped back out into the warm August breeze. Jacob sat there for a moment silently before picking up his pencil and resuming his work.

****

A knock at the front door sent Andy cursing as he quickly finished clearing up the floor in the front room and made his way to the door. Opening the door, Brian stepped inside, carrying a large bag over one shoulder and a backpack over the other. He smirked and said drolly, “honey, I’m home.”

Andy grinned and helped him in, taking the bag as he shut the door. “What took you so long? Thought I was gonna have to run out and find you.”

“Well, you can’t without a sitter,” Brian sighed, “and I got sidetracked when Troy called me because he’s a fu-” he stopped, suddenly noticed a pair of small green eyes peering around the corner. “Stupid idiot so I had to stop over at the farm and talk Jacob off a ledge with only nominal success.”

“What happened,” he asked as he carried Brian’s bag into his bedroom and set it down on the empty floor next to his dresser.

“Kyle happened,” Brian replied with a tinge of displeasure in his voice. “That and Troy never did talk to Jacob last night like he said he would.”

Andy giggled as his arms went around Brian’s waist and pulled him close, “so they called you. What did you do?”

“Beat Troy and Kyle over the head,” he said sweetly. “And then went in and talked to him. He was in a mood but he didn’t seem like he was on the verge or anything. He’ll do the right thing. Eventually.”

Andy smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “My hero.” He flopped down on the bed and looked up at him. “Well, we had some time to go by and check on David. He was in fine spirits. Hadn’t seen him that happy in years. Said Kyle was by and they talked for a minute or two. Sounded pissed he wasn’t there long and bitched about Troy. Thought I saw a tear in his eye. Blake and Tanner kept him entertained for a little bit before we came home and I’ve been cleaning the house ever since.”

“I noticed. I can see the floor this time,” he remarked as he lay down on the bed next to Andy with a sigh. Their hands seemed to instinctively reach for each other as they both lay across the bed staring up at the ceiling. “I’m not sure I’m qualified to deal with that swirling shitstorm around Kyle.”

Andy chuckled and squeezed his hand. “Well, no one told you you had to deal with it. Let them figure it out.”

“Yeah,” he said with a humorless laugh, “it’s not like we’re friends or anything.”

“Oh, sure, throw that in my face,” Andy countered sardonically.

Brian was quiet for a moment before he said quietly, “do you remember when we used to be a team? You know, if one of us had a problem we all had a problem?”

Andy nodded, “yeah, but we were just kids then. We all had problems since then that we managed to handle on our own. It’s part of growing up.”

“Yeah,” he said wistfully, “I guess you’re right. It’s just…”

“Don’t...” Andy sighed.

“What,” he asked innocently.

“Don’t get involved.” His lips twisted slightly in a smirk.

“Maybe... just give them a little nudge,” Brian said thoughtfully.

“You just said it was a shitstorm over there,” Andy said before grinning slightly, “last thing I need is you coming to bed smelling like shit.”

“I’d like to think you’d help me clean up first,” he grinned, looking over at him. They both chuckled for a moment and laid there together staring up at the ceiling. “Man, this is weird.”

“What?”

“Us.” A thoughtful smile settled on his face as he said, “I mean, I kind of always dreamed that maybe it would happen. But still, it’s going to take some getting used to.”

“You saying you want to slow down,” Andy asked curiously.

“Oh, hell no,” he laughed. “This is too much fun and a dream come true. I think if we’re gonna make a serious run we should consider how far this is going to go. May wanna think about a bigger house too.”

“Here or in the city,” Andy asked offhandedly as a broad smile formed.

“Honestly,” Brian said carefully, “not here. Maybe somewhere in between? I don’t want either of us having to sacrifice our jobs. Not to mention our friends. That said, it’s an hour and a half drive from here to my place which is within walking distance of campus. That’s asking a lot.”

Andy, not wanting to ruin a good moment between them, kept his tone measured as he asked, “is it possible you don’t want to live here because of what happened with your family that also just happens to be living here as well?”

Brian was silent for a few moments and Andy thought he had crossed a line before he heard him say, “it’s entirely possible. But, I have a better family here now. I don’t think about my old family much anymore.”

“Well, whatever we do,” Andy rolled over next to Brian, looking down at him with a soft expression in his green eyes, “we do it together and don’t look back. Got it?”

Brian’s smile widened as he said mischievously, “yes, sir.”

“And as for Kyle and Jacob…” He gave his lover a meaningful look.

Brian stared up at him with the same look. “Just promise you’ll scrub my back for me.”

Andy laughed warmly before leaning down and kissing his lips softly. “Deal.”

****

Kyle sat quietly at the dining room table, looking over notes and papers from an upcoming case he had in a few weeks. He had told them he wouldn’t take work with him on vacation but he couldn’t break the habit. And after two hours of sitting alone in the house, a distraction from the day’s events was a welcome one for him. He scanned over police reports and witness statements on an assault and battery charge, mulling over the chance of any additional charges he could file when he returns to the office.

The sun was shining through the windows as evening approached and he was giving serious thought to going out and getting something to eat when the back door opened and that familiar sound of boots rang through the kitchen and into the dining room. The pattern was much slower this time, sounding more like an intruder carefully making his way in. He forced himself to keep his eyes locked on the page he was reading as the footsteps got closer. After their last encounter, Kyle wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing him off balance or upset. If Jacob wanted to be cold towards him he could return it in kind with little effort. He still had enough anger left inside him after what happened.

The sound of the boots on the floor stopped near the entrance to the dining room and Kyle could feel his eyes on him. He continued reading for another moment before glancing up, looking at Jacob standing in the doorway staring back at him with an enigmatic face. His eyes went back to where he was reading without saying a word or betraying any sign of emotion. He kept reading, stopping occasionally to take notes on his notepad next to him until he heard Jacob’s boots walking away and up the stairs. He sighed wearily and waited. After a few minutes he heard movement upstairs and a door closing followed by the sound of water running in the shower.

He pondered his options and made the decision to leave. Gathering his notes and files, he placed them all back in his open briefcase and closed it up. It was mid August so he didn’t feel the need for anything more than the shorts and t-shirt he was already wearing. He decided to just run to a fast food joint nearby and grab whatever was palatable. Heading out through the back door and to his car, he pulled out and headed down the drive and onto the street before he realized he didn’t have a key to get back in. Cursing himself for forgetting, he may end up sleeping in his car overnight if Jacob decides to lock the back door. Figuring there was no way around it if it happened, he continued on to the nearest spot that he could find, parked and went inside to sit and eat to clear his head.

Once he was inside the restaurant and ordered his food, Kyle had the urge to call and check on Matt but he forced himself to take his time to eat. Calling Matt was important but it wasn’t something he had to do any time soon. He had at least an hour and a half before Stephanie should be putting him down to bed. What he wanted most was to hear his son’s voice to help him forget about what was going on here. After a half hour or so, he finished eating and opted to call when he got back to the house. Maybe if at least his car was there, if Jacob went to go check, he would be less inclined to lock the back door. The evening air was comfortable as he drove back to the house and once he had parked his car again, he decided a walk into the groves was a good place to make his call without being noticed or overheard. Once the house was hidden by the trees, he pulled out his phone and headset. Dialing Stephanie’s number he walked slowly through the trees as he waited for her to answer.

“I was beginning to wonder if you had forgotten about me,” her smile showing through her words as she answered.

He smiled a little to himself, responding, “well, it’s been a busy day here.”

“All in good ways, I hope,” she said optimistically.

He made a small noise before saying, “I saw my dad. He’s going to be ok. They may let him go home in a few days.”

“That’s excellent news,” she exclaimed. “And your friends?”

“They’re on varying degrees of not hating me.”

“You sound surprised,” she said with a laugh.

“Well, it’s been awhile...” he ran his hand through his hair as he walked farther in. “How’s our boy?”

She giggled merrily. “He’s perfect. We were getting close to bath time.”

He smiled and stopped, leaning up against a tree before saying in a small voice, “put him on.”

She giggled again as her voices faded. He stood there waiting until he heard a small noise followed by a child’s giggle followed by the best sound in the world to him. “Daddy?”

He closed his eyes and imagined Matt being right there with him. “Hey, Baby Boy. How was your day?”

“Good. Mommy took me swimming,” the toddler said emphatically.

He grinned as he replied, “oh, sounds like you had a great day then.”

The boy giggled again. “Yeah. You coming home?”

“Not yet, sweetie. Daddy’s got some things he needs to do.” He thought about it for a moment before he added, “but maybe, if you’re good for mommy, I might show you something you’ve never seen before.”

“What?” The excitement in his voice was palpable which only cause Kyle to smile even more.

“I might show you where your daddy grew up. It’s a place where you can pick your own apples right from the tree.”

“Neat! I wanna see! When can I see?”

The joy in Matt’s voice made his heart constrict. Without thinking, he leaned up against a tree and slowly lowered himself down to sit on the ground. All he wanted right now was to wrap his arms around his little boy and never let go. “Maybe in a couple days, okay? I’ll talk to your mommy about it now but you need to get ready for your bath and then bedtime stories.”

“Okay, daddy. Love you.”

“I love you to, Matthew. More than my heart can hold.” Hearing his voice and getting to speak to him helped ease a little of the ache he had. He wanted his son with him so much right now. He needed his son. But he knew there were things he had to do first.

There was another long pause before Stephanie’s voice returned to him. “Feeling better now?”

“Much, thank you,” he said honestly.

“I figured that’s why you were calling,” she said in a sweet voice.

“Think in a few days you could bring him out here for me? Dad is doing better,” he explained, “but he’s still going to need time to recover. I... think he should meet his grandson.”

“Wow,” she said, “less than a day and already a miracle has taken place?”

“Wasn’t a miracle,” he said. “And even if it was, it was only half a miracle.”

“What’s wrong?” She cut straight to it and he knew she wasn’t going to be lead around.

“Dad was happy to see me,” he said quietly. “Others, not so much.”

“Well, it has only been one day,” she replied in a compassionate voice. “You gotta give it time.”

“I think there’s been too much time,” he sighed. “I’ve been here for hours and he hasn’t said a word to me.”

“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “maybe you should be the one to say something first.”

He was quiet for a moment, looking at the trees around him in the fading light of sunset. “I think maybe there’s nothing there to fix. I think it’s just been too long. No words are going to get us to a point where we’re okay with each other again.”

She was quiet for a moment before she said, “well, if that’s how it is, then that’s how it is. But you should at least try. I gotta run and get our little boy in the tub. Have a good night.”

“See ya,” he said simply and hung up the phone. He took a breath and let it out slowly. Looking around this place that had been home so long ago, it all felt familiar and yet so strange as well. His head tilted back slightly, staring up into the trees. The horizon before him was only an orange shadow that became dimmer with every passing breath. The sounds of insects could be heard all around. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in the sounds and smells around him. He could almost convince himself he was back in high school. That his life had not fallen apart and he hadn’t been gone for years. That his father was in the house, reading a book and waiting for him to come in.

The pain he felt now was the pain of regret. Of the loss of time and chances. There’s no telling if he can really get back everything he lost. Bonds only hold fast when they’re maintained. He made a choice to cut those bonds many years ago. He thought he was doing it for good reasons. Now, he wasn’t so sure. So many questions and he didn’t know where to start or who to ask. He wished he could say something to Jacob. But what would he say? They were both angry and may have good cause to be. Seeing him again for the first time in years sent him reeling, just like that first time in high school.

Kyle stood up and started to slowly make his way through the trees back to the house. He didn’t want to get locked out and the last thing he felt he needed was to have to ask Jacob to let him into his father’s house. As he made his way he saw lights from the house. They hadn’t been on when he left. Smirking to himself, he figured maybe Jacob was trying to make an opening gesture by being kind enough to light his way home. He chuckled at such nonsense. Making his way up the ramp, he paused for a moment to look back at the darkness he just emerged from. His heart told him that this was his home. Always had been. But his head said he didn’t belong here anymore. Trying to form those old bonds again was a fruitless exercise. He needed to admit to himself that while things with his father may have improved, Jacob was most likely a lost cause. It was a little saddening but it was better to admit it now and not get disappointed later.

He reached for the doorknob and it turned easily, the door opening quietly into the house. The kitchen lighting was subdued and there was a faint warmth in the room. He glanced around and saw a few dirty dishes in the sink that hadn’t been there earlier. He walked through the room quietly and headed to the stairs. His bags were still sitting where Troy had left it earlier. Picking it up, he slowly made his way up. Stopping in the hallway he looked at the closed door to what used to be his bedroom. He braced himself for what he may find before opening the door and stepping in. Flicking on the light he stopped and stared at the room in astonishment. From what he could remember, nothing in the room had changed since he was last here. The same bed, dresser, desk, everything on them was all the same as if the entire room had gone untouched by time. As if… he had never left. Everything unchanged, waiting for him to return. He set his luggage down to give everything a closer inspection. He opened a few of the drawers and found some of his old clothes still where they had been left. How was this possible? He checked his closet and again, with the exception of some dust, everything was how it had been left behind.

“I put new sheets on the bed while you were out.”

Jacob’s voice from the doorway startled him out of his reverie and he jumped slightly. He was just standing there in a pair of worn gym shorts and an old grey t-shirt as he stood there in the hallway looking at him blankly. The blue eyes that had always so fascinated him years ago were flat and revealed nothing of what might be going on inside him. Kyle stood there, staring at him, uncertain. His tongue seemed to get heavy again as he managed to say, “thanks.”

Jacob stood there for a moment, looking away from Kyle before muttering, “yeah. There’s towels in the bathroom for you if you need to clean up. I’ll be downstairs.” He walked quietly down the hall and downstairs without another word.

Once he was gone, Kyle realized then that he had been holding his breath. He took a moment to calm himself before he opened his bag and reached in to find his toiletries. Grabbing a change of shorts and a shirt he hurried to get in the shower. Standing there under the hot water, he started running things over in his head. He dared himself to remember back to that night he came home and his life changed forever. It was still an uncomfortable memory but the pain wasn’t as agonizing as it used to be. Was he absolutely sure he saw what he saw? Everything seemed out of character for them. Why would they do that? It made no sense. He wanted answers. No, he needed answers. There’s too many secrets around all of this. Troy seemed to insinuate he knew more than Kyle did about what happened. What does he know that he’s not telling? By the time he got out of the shower, he had resolved himself to not leave until all of these secrets were out. He realized it meant he would have to admit to his own failings in the process but if it meant he could at least get some closure, it would be worth it.

He dried himself off, feeling a little more confident. Once he pulled on the shorts and the t-shirt he grabbed his things and stepped out of the hall and went back to his room, closing the door behind him. He flicked the light off and climbed into the familiar bed. It felt the same as it always had years ago. Soft and comfortable. Not as comfortable as it was the last time he slept here. He lay there on his back, letting himself relax. He was determined to see this through. Let Jacob be pissed if he wants. Eventually, he’ll find out what he hasn’t been told and maybe find out what kind of future that can be salvaged. He lay there, unaware of the passage of time. Eventually he heard Jacob’s footsteps coming up the stairs. His eyes darted to the bottom of his doorway where the light from the hall streamed through. He listened carefully as the footsteps drew nearer. A shadow passed over the door, occluding the light from the hallway. The footsteps stopped and Kyle held his breath, wondering if he had locked his door or not. The shadow lingered for a moment or two before it passed and then the light went out in the hallway, casting everything into darkness.

Kyle laid back on his bed and stared up the at ceiling, pondering it all over again. Eventually exhaustion settled in and he turned on his side before falling asleep.