The Acquittal - 4. Chapter 4

Jacob jumped into the sputtering truck, his breath puffing in the chill morning air. “Fuck, it’s cold out,” he muttered as the truck rattled it’s way towards the high school. The heater in the truck only nominally worked and Kyle hadn’t had time to warm up the truck that morning before he had to get moving to pick up Jacob and head to school.

“Good morning to you too,” Kyle quipped as he drove them to school.

Jacob grinned, “good morning. Did you sleep well last night? Get in a good breakfast?”

Kyle laughingly replied, “yes, dad…” Jacob smiled having grown fond of their easy back and forth. As summer ended and the school year began they had become a lot friendlier with each other. Jacob no longer got uncomfortable when they touched each other, though it did excite him more than he thought it would. They still spent a lot of time alone but he had started to truly enjoy being around the others as well. He had half expected them to blow him off or pretend he wasn’t there in the hallways but they never shied away or excluded him in anything. While he was still a little quiet in school where they interacted with other people he didn’t know, at Kyle’s house he had become one of them and they all grew closer. For Jacob, it felt like a dream come true.

One curious quirk Kyle noticed towards the end of summer was Jacob’s propensity to always be carrying his backpack. Whenever there was a lull in their conversation or they were just enjoying time in the orchard, Jacob would pull out a pad and pencil and start scribbling on the pad. Kyle would occasionally ask him what he was doing but he would never get a direct answer. “Nothing important,” would be the closest answer he would get. Kyle would look over at him from out of the corner of his eyes and smirk whenever he heard the scratch of a pencil on paper and just say nothing. There were even a few times he would wake up to the sound in the room. His curiosity almost got the better of him but he didn’t want to violate Jacob’s privacy. He figured after enough time passed, Jacob would tell him what it was.

He would still stay the night with Kyle whenever he could on the weekends and he slowly stopped sleeping on the floor or on the couch downstairs. He expected Kyle to reject him or at least keep a healthy distance between them physically but Kyle always seemed to want him to share his bed. He always slept better and felt safer when he was near Kyle. A few times he had felt oddly compelled to do more than just touch him and there were a few nights where he would wake up and just look at Kyle, wishing they never had to be apart. Sometimes he would dream about Kyle when he was in his own bed. Those dreams tended to be very intense and involve being in a pool or a lake and have their bodies touching all over and it typically ended with soiled sheets by morning.

He knew he loved Kyle. He wanted to spend every moment with him. His voice was soothing and made him feel better about himself. He wanted to share what was in his backpack but old habits are hard to break. His home life was a shambles and Kyle not only gave him an escape from it, he gave him something to look forward to after high school. He wasn’t sure exactly where things were going to go between them but he hoped they would at least be close friends forever.

Troy tended to treat him like a little brother and he found that he didn’t mind it once he got used to it. Andy and Brian always wanted him to sit with them in whatever class they happened to be in. Once, when Kyle was too sick to go to school, Andy scolded him for not calling him to pick him up that morning. “Dude, you’re part of the team,” Andy had said to him with a friendly grin, “if he’s too much of a pussy to come to school you call one of us and we’ll get you.” He almost got angry with Andy for calling Kyle a pussy but knew that little insults like that was his way of showing affection. The things he said about people he didn’t like tended to make Jacob laugh out loud which only fueled Andy’s desire to find new ways to insult people so he could see if he could get Jacob to laugh out loud in class. Brian seemed as friendly in his own way at times. Jacob got along well with all of them and was thankful to have friends in his life.

As Kyle parked the truck they both grabbed their bags and headed towards the school at a quick pace to get out of the chill November air and into the warm confines of the weight room inside. Kyle saw Jacob wince when he picked up his bag but dismissed it as no big deal. As they got in they both changed into their gym gear (going out of their way to not look directly at each other) and set to work for the next half hour going through their routines as they normally did. Once in awhile they would comment to each other on their progress or make remarks about some of the others in the room privately to each other.

While Jacob seemed to be his normal self in temperament, Kyle noticed that he seemed to be struggling more than usual on some of his reps. As he watched, Jacob’s face seemed to strain in discomfort as he did his bench press reps or worked at the butterfly machine. He became seriously concerned when he saw Jacob only do a couple reps on the leg press before stopping with a frustrated look and head towards the door, muttering about heading to the shower. He was only gone for a couple minutes before Kyle’s curiosity and concern urged him out of the weight room and into the locker room. He stepped into the room slowly, being as quiet as he could. Once the door closed he strained his ears, hearing only the sound of running water in the shower stalls past the lockers. He slowly made his way to the doorway to the showers, trying to go unseen by anyone. As he reached the door, he slowly turned, trying to see where Jacob was. When he noticed Jacob’s body, his eyes widened in shock and he quickly moved away from the door to go unseen. He stood there, trying to make sense of what he saw and couldn’t so he slowly moved back to look again to confirm his suspicions.

Jacob stood with his back to the door giving Kyle and unobstructed view on his broad back that tapered down to his narrow waist and the two pale cheeks of his ass. He wanted to stare at that ass but his eyes wouldn’t leave Jacob’s shoulders. Where the skin should have been a slightly pale color on his shoulders, the right side had an ugly purplish stain about the side of a softball. Further down, Kyle could make out signs of other marks on his body that seemed faint as if they’ve been healing for weeks. From his distance he couldn’t figure out how they got there but he knew it was all a bad sign. He quickly moved away from the door again and quietly made his way out of the locker room.

Going back to the weight room, he slowly moved back to one of the weight machines and did a few more routines, giving Jacob time to finish his shower and change before he returned to the locker room to clean up and get ready for first period along with the rest of the students in the room. When he walked back in, he was not surprised to see Jacob sitting on one of the benches, reading a book and looking like everything was fine. Kyle started wondering to himself how many times he had looked at Jacob and not known the pain he was in. Even though it was cold out, he also noted the clothes Jacob was wearing. Long sleeves, long pants, all black. At least he had on the new shoes Kyle bought him a few months ago. He couldn’t stop staring at Jacob as he sat there oblivious to his scrutiny. Not sure of what to say or to do, he went to the shower to clean up and get ready for class.

“Ready to go,” Jacob asked him as he was tying his shoes.

“Yeah, sure,” Kyle managed to say, trying to look nonchalant as he shouldered his backpack. He watched Jacob’s face for any sign of distress as he did the same and they walked out together to start the school day.

Jacob talked about the upcoming exams before Christmas break and Kyle just nodded and responded rotely while his mind whirled. The bruises he saw were obvious which made him wonder how he had missed them until now. The first time they met he now remembers those yellowish marks knowing now what they are. How had they gotten there? Who did it? Where is that person now? He felt a growing sense of anger and confusion. He wanted to find the person who had hurt his friend and revisit that pain onto them. More questions dominated his thoughts. Why hadn’t Jacob told him? How long has this been going on? How can he get it to stop?

“Kyle?” Jacob’s voice raised in concern broke him out of the chaos taking place in his heart. He did his best to get a grip on himself.

He glanced over at Jacob seeing his confusion he didn’t dare say anything to him about what he discovered yet. He pulled a random thought of the whirlwind to cover for his distraction. “I’m sorry. I was thinking about Megan.”

Jacob frowned. “You were thinking about a girl,” he asked with a tinge of what almost sounded like jealousy.

He mentally kicked himself and pressed on, “she was asking me about Brian the other day. She was hoping he’d ask her out. I told her I’d say something to him to spur him on.”

“Oh,” He could tell Jacob wasn’t exactly believing what he had said.

“Don’t worry about it. Not a big deal.”

“Well, will we have time to get together to go over that trig exam with Troy later this week?” Jacob’s grades had noticeably improved in his senior year thanks in large part to his new friends and he wasn’t wanting them to dip back down.

“Sure,” he said dismissively as they took their seats. “Probably Thursday after swim practice. You’re coming to the meet on Saturday, right?”

Jacob grinned, his blue eyes shining the way that made Kyle almost forget his own name as he replied, “you know it. I’m riding with your dad.”

“Awesome,” mentioning his dad got him feeling desperate for the day to be over so he could get home. He could talk to his dad. He’d know what to do. But, he can’t tell him everything. Not yet. It wasn’t his secret to tell. He had to be careful.

The rest of the morning passed by slowly and Kyle did his best to try and forget what he saw but each time he looked over at Jacob it came right back to the forefront of his mind. He did his best to act normal and seemed mostly successful since even Troy didn’t pester him more than he usually does. He was still hinting to Kyle that he should come out to Andy and Brian but he still didn’t feel ready.

After the last period mercifully ended Kyle and Jacob headed to his truck. Once it got started up, he pulled out of the parking lot. Just as he was coming close to the turn to take them to the trailer park Jacob asked in a cautious tone, “could we hang out at your place for awhile? I don’t feel like going home right away.”

Kyle’s jaw clenched. Now he had a really good idea where that bruise came from. “Sure,” he said in a tight voice before turning in the opposite direction and heading home.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Some concern filtered into Jacob’s voice. “You sound kind of tense.”

“I’m fine,” he said, stressing the first word a little more than he probably should have. He sighed and realized there was no way to hold this back.

“Maybe you should just take me home,” he sounded so dejected it nearly broke Kyle’s heart. The last thing he wanted to do was make Jacob feel unwanted.

“No. It’s ok. I’m just…” his foot pressed down on the pedal and he silently begged the truck to get him home as soon as possible. He couldn’t hide what he knew. He’d have to confront Jacob now. He’ll talk to his dad later. He sighed and started over, “Jacob, I’m not okay. I have a problem and I need to talk to someone about it.”

“Ok. What’s wrong?”

“Let’s wait until we get home before we get into it. I just… I need to know that you trust me because I trust you. This has been bothering me all day and I need to get it out and deal with it.”

“You’re my friend, dude. You can talk to me about anything,” Jacob said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. If he didn’t know better, Kyle would have thought Jacob loved him.

Kyle nodded and felt a small sense of relief. Maybe this won’t be so hard. “Ok. I appreciate that.” His eyes were so focused on the road he didn’t notice Jacob raise his hand and put it on his shoulder. Feeling Jacob’s hand on his shoulder like that and knowing that it was him who was in pain made Kyle’s lip tremble and he couldn’t feel more relieved when he finally pulled the truck into the parking spot next to the house and shut off the engine. They grabbed their backpacks and hurried inside, not wanting to waste a second. The sun was slipping down to the horizon and what little warmth it gave was fading quickly in the bitter cold November air.

Kyle gave his dad a quick hello and practically ran upstairs to his room with Jacob right behind him. Once in the room, he closed the door and looked over at Jacob.

“So, what’s your problem,” Jacob asked helpfully. He was already sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at him carefully.

“You trust me, right,” Kyle asked again to make sure and to give him a little more time to gather up the strength to do what he knew he was about to do. He could already feel his breathing getting quicker.

“Yes,” he responded with a slight hint of concern.

“And we’re friends and no matter what happens, that’ll never change,” he stated as fact instead of asking him.

“Of course. Kyle, what the fuck is the problem?!” Jacob’s face was a mask of worry and concern as he stared up at him.

Kyle stood there for a moment, almost wanting to chicken out but knew he was already past that point. His voice was small and remorseful as he said, “could you stand up for me, please?”

Jacob stood up, his entire face a mask of confusion.

Kyle took a deep breath, knowing this could end their friendship but he had to believe that somewhere inside Jacob was something close to the same feelings he had for him. “Jacob, can you take your shirt off for me,” he asked in a small, conciliatory voice.

The confusion on Jacob’s face instantly turned to fear. He involuntarily took a step backwards as he asked defensively, “Why?”

“I...” his voice trembled and he tried to stay quiet in case his dad heard them, “I think you know why. Please. It’s ok.”

Jacob’s hands twitched a little and his blue eyes seem to shimmer as he responded, “I can’t.”

Kyle took a step towards the terrified boy with the beautiful eyes and said in the most loving, caring and compassionate voice he could muster, “it’s going to be alright. I promise. Please. Just show me what’s under your shirt. I saw it earlier.”

Jacob squeezed his eyes shut as terror and shame gripped him causing him to turn away. As he saw Jacob’s shoulders shake he walked slowly up to him and gently put his hands on Jacob’s hips. Carefully, he lifted the shirt going as slow as he could to give Jacob time to pull away but he never did. As Kyle carefully pulled the shirt up, being this close to him in full light he could see small marks across his back. Almost like indentations made by something he couldn’t recognize. When his hands passed over the large bruise on the upper shoulder he heard Jacob make a small pained noise. Up close it looked horrible. Larger than a handprint, he could tell this wasn’t done by a hand. He looked for bleeding or broken skin but he didn’t see any so he figured it wasn’t infected. He’d rather have his dad check but he knew this was all up to him. Eventually he pulled the shirt back down and gently pulled Jacob’s body around to face him.

“Please, please, please,” the tear stained face pleaded, “don’t tell anyone.”

Kyle cupped his hands under Jacob’s chin. He had a powerful urge to lean in and kiss him to show him he was loved and wanted but he knew this wasn’t the time or place and he wasn’t brave enough to take a chance at losing Jacob. “You can’t keep this hidden forever.”

“It won’t matter in a few months. I can graduate and get away. He doesn’t mean to do it, Kyle. He… he just.. Gets angry and things get out of control.”

Kyle’s eyes flashed in anger as his suspicions were confirmed. “Your father did this?!”

The boy nodded wordlessly. Shame making him feel small and alone all over again. Kyle sighed. He couldn’t imagine what Jacob was going through. His dad had never raised a hand to him his entire life. What kind of fear does he live with every day with that man in the next room while he’s asleep? “Ok. I’ll keep your secret for now. But, if this gets any worse, I’m gonna have to say something. How often does this happen?”

“Just sometimes,” he whimpered helplessly. “He’ll start drinking and something inside him will just snap and he’ll start ranting at me and calling me names. Then he’ll start hitting… throwing things...”

Kyle let go of his face and pulled him into his arms. Jacob’s head turned away from him and rested on his shoulder. He muttered softly as his nose brushed against the shaggy dark hair, “So, all that stuff about you being worthless? Trash, useless, a loser… All of that is him telling you that?”

He didn’t answer. His hands slowly came up and wrapped around Kyle’s back.

“Jacob,” he whispered softly, “you’re not worthless. You’re wonderful. You’re not trash. You’re not useless. We love hearing you cheer us on when we’re in the pool. You don’t know how great that is for us to hear. You’re not a loser. You’ll never be a loser. We are a team. We look out for each other and you are one of us. Your dad doesn’t know how great you are. And he doesn’t deserve a great guy like you as his son.”

“I just wish…”

“What?”

He sighed, “nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Nothing you say is stupid,” he said solicitously. “Come on, spit it out.”

“Don’t worry about it. I just wish I wasn’t so broken.” A calm started to settle within him. Feeling Kyle holding him slowly made the emotional pain fade for now. “Who’s gonna want to love someone like me?”

Kyle held him close. “You’re wrong about that.” He wanted to say it. Show him he was wrong. But it didn’t feel right to do it now, he told himself. Not when he was feeling the pain of his father’s abuse.

Jacob sniffled slightly and said, “you promise you won’t tell anyone?”

A frown marred his face for a moment but he reasoned he’d rather keep the secret and keep Jacob nearby than expose it and possibly lose him. “I will not tell anyone unless it gets worse. If it does, I’m gonna have to tell my dad. Probably not what you’re wanting to hear, but I care about you and don’t want to see you get hurt.”

It was quiet for a moment between until Jacob finally whispered, “I guess that’s ok.”

“Everything will be ok,” Kyle said as he finally, reluctantly, let go of him. “I promise.”

There was a knock at the door that caused both of them to jump away from each other a little. “You two alright in there,” Kyle’s father asked from the other side. “Dinner will be ready in a couple minutes.”

“We’re fine. Thanks, Dad.” Kyle relaxed when he heard the sound of steps retreating from the other side of his door. They looked at each other, a slow smile forming on both of their faces. Kyle finally said after a few moments, “from now on, if you think things are getting bad and need to get out, you call me and I will come get you, ok?”

Jacob’s face became pensive and unsure. He wanted to tell Kyle how much he meant to him and even more. But the fear of being found out took over his senses. Eventually his eyes looked down at the floor before he finally nodded.

****

The humid air with just a tinge of chlorine and the echoing sounds of all the other competitors always seemed to get Kyle pumped up right before a meet. Brian and Andy had come in second and third place with their 100 meter races earlier and were resting up on the bench nearby for the final event. Kyle was up next for his 200 meter freestyle race. He was a little nervous because he knew of some of the competition he was up against. As he looked around the pool he glanced up at the stands and grinned as he spotted his dad and Jacob sitting next to each other, with the other parents nearby. It used to be just seeing his dad up there was enough to get him eager to race. With Jacob joining him, it gave him an even bigger inducement. To him, seeing that smile was worth anything.

Troy came up and clapped him on the back with a friendly smile and he returned it just as they called for his race to set. He nodded and waved up to Jacob and his dad as he walked up to the blocks. Each time over the last few months of competitions, he noticed Jacob would move to the edge of his seat when it would be his turn in the pool. He didn’t do that for the others. So it just gave him a bigger incentive to make him proud. He always knew his dad was proud of him. He wanted Jacob to be just as much if not more. As they said his name he stepped up and all thoughts of Jacob, his dad and the team went to the back of his mind. Now, it was just him, the water and the signal he was waiting for.

As they made the call, he crouched and tried to forget coming in fourth last time. One final moment and then the signal rang out and he was in the air diving into the water. His legs had propelled him nearly a quarter of the way down the lane as he rose to the surface and began working his legs and arms through the water. He could hear the crowd noise as he reached the wall to kick back to complete his first leg. His arms felt good. His thighs, legs and feet worked to keep him moving swiftly through the water. He could see the side inches away and he twisted, planted his feet against the wall of the pool and kicked out with all his might to send him into the third fifty meter portion.

There were no other competitors in his mind. All that mattered was him and the clock he was racing against. Keeping his rhythm as he turned to take in gulps of air to fuel him he felt like he was unstoppable. He was going to make Jacob proud today. The final twist, feet on the side and that last all important kick to send him flying through the water to the finish. He couldn’t see where anyone else was and he didn’t care. His arms were tiring, his lungs felt like they would burst but that didn’t matter. He could hear him. He could hear them and no one else. It made his arms lighter and his feet only work that much faster. He could hear shouting getting louder. He could see the end all he had to do was touch it. Closer and closer. Faster. Reach out to it. Inches away for his fingers he only needed one more push and he felt the solid wall that was the pools edge and his finish line as he heard a horn blare.

His body came to rest in the pool as he suddenly remembered the rest of the world around him. He tried to make out the noises he was hearing as he moved to grasp the edge. He went to lift himself up only to feel Troy’s hand grabbing his and pulling him out. He was beaming with pride and that’s when Kyle realized that he had improved. “How did I do,” he asked Troy as he looked up for his dad.

“How did you do?! First place!” Troy cried as he put an around around his shoulder pointed up at the results on the board.

Kyle glanced at the board and was shocked. He blinked the dripping water out of his eyes and looked up in the seats and saw his dad and Jacob both of them with wide smiles on their feet clapping and yelling. Kyle was overwhelmed as he wiped the water out of his face and smiled up at them. His eyes met Jacob’s and his heart swelled. Troy was behind him and patted his back. “Proud of you, bud.” He could only nod and smile. He grabbed a towel to dry himself a little, realizing that his face was still wet.

After the competitions were over, the four teammates were in the locker room, getting dressed to leave. It had been a good day coming in first place on his own and second place as a team in the 400 relay. They were all energized and talkative. Just as they were about to leave, Troy muttered to Kyle, “it’s time. Tell them.”

Kyle blanched as his head turned sharply up at him. Troy just gave him that stupid soft understanding look and nodded his head in reassurance. He looked at Andy and Brian and sighed. If any day was good enough to soften the blow, today would be it, he reasoned. Kyle looked back and Troy and reluctantly nodded.

“Guys,” Troy’s voice cut through the chatter around them and Andy and Brian’s faces looked up expectantly. “Kyle’s got something he wants to say.”

Their heads turned to him as they all sat down on the benches in a tight circle. He looked at all three of them and felt a sense of security in himself. “What I’m about to say stays between us and no one else, okay?”

Andy looked at him and asked the obvious question, “what about Jacob?”

“Just us,” Kyle emphasized.

Andy and Brian exchanged looks and shrugged before turning back to listen.

“Okay. Well, the thing is...” Kyle looked at Troy for a moment, who nodded his head encouragingly, and then looked back before blurting out, “I’m gay.”

If it wasn’t so serious, Kyle would have laughed at the perplexed looks on their faces. Slowly, Andy and Brian both turned their heads to look at each other. Kyle could almost swear they were having some sort of telepathic conversation as they looked at each other, their faces both stoic before they both slowly turned back to look at Kyle. Andy finally said as dispassionately as possible, “ok…”

Troy looked at them both and said in an even tone, “it’s no big deal. He’s still the same guy we grew up with.”

They both looked at Troy and then back at Kyle. Andy finally piped up slowly, “well, yeah… but how come he’s only telling us now?”

“Hold up,” Brian broke in and looked over at Troy and asked, “how long have you known?”

“I’ve known since August,” he answered. “I had my suspicions for a couple years but I wasn’t sure until this past summer and then I cornered him and made him fess up.”

“What confirmed it for you,” Andy asked. Troy didn’t answer but instead turned to Kyle for him to continue.

“That’s…” Kyle suddenly felt uneasy again, “the part about Jacob.”

“Huh?” Brian looked at him confused.

“Oh….” Andy’s light suddenly came on as he figured it out. His lips spread into a slow smile as he said coyly, “So, you do have a thing for him, then.”

“Holy shit!” Brian nearly shot up from the bench. “He’s gay too?!”

The others quickly shushed him to quiet him down, though Andy started laughing quietly. They settled back down quickly to avoid any unwanted attention in the locker room.

“Well...” Kyle began and couldn’t stop a smile from crossing his face causing him to look down at the floor.

“Whoa,” Andy’s eyes went wide and his face took on a huge grin, “Have you and Jacob been…”

“Playing Doctor without a license?” Brian offered helpfully.

Kyle’s face burned red and the others couldn’t help but start laughing before he cut in saying, “No. We haven’t done anything yet.”

“That’s not important and none of our business anyway,” Troy admonished the others. “But he hasn’t told Jacob yet or his dad.”

“When are you planning to tell your dad,” Andy asked.

Kyle shrugged. “I’m not sure. I want to tell him when we’re alone. But I’m a little scared too.”

“Scared about what,” Brian asked.

“About him freaking out,” looking at Brian like he asked the stupidest question of the day.

Andy rolled his eyes. “Stop stressing yourself over it. Tell him now. Go out there and tell him.”

“I’m not ready yet,” Kyle said, the panic inside him starting to rise again at the idea.

“Well, whenever you plan on telling him,” Troy said, putting a hand on his shoulder, “just remember we’re here for you if you need us.”

“I know,” Kyle said his nervousness abating. “I’ll get to it.”

“No,” Troy corrected. “You will tell him this week. No excuses. He’s not going to freak out, Kyle. You’ll be fine.” He stared at his friend confidently and nodded his head to show his certainty.

Kyle breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief. Now, all he wanted was to get home, eat and spend time with Jacob. The four of them quickly grabbed their stuff and left the locker room, looking for Jacob and David and on to the long trip home.

****

A couple days later Kyle walked into the house after school. After being assured by Jacob that everything at his house was ok, he dropped him off and went home so he could have some time with his dad. As he got out of the truck he had a sudden feeling of dread that he couldn’t shake. He knew he had to tell his dad the truth. But the fear of his father’s reaction made every move of his body feel stiff and uncomfortable. He and his father had always been close. Every memory of being with his father, at home, in the orchard, at swim meets, flitted through his mind as he walked in and silently went up to his room. After putting his stuff in his room he went to shower and clean up before homework and dinner.

Thinking about what might happen almost made him not want to do it. As he stood in the shower, thinking it over, his stomach seemed to twist inside him and his heart felt heavy and painful. How would he be able to live with his dad if he took the news badly? How bad would bad be? He’d heard stories about young gay teens coming out to their families only to be thrown out onto the streets soon after. How would he survive? Would Troy or Andy’s family take him in if his father threw him out? What about holidays and birthdays and parties?

After getting out of the shower, he dried off, thinking this might not be a good idea. He didn’t want to lose his dad, even if he had to hide the truth from him forever. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He can’t do this. It would kill him inside to see his father’s face and suddenly realize the bond between them had broken. What if he expected to have grandkids? He wouldn’t be able to do that with another guy and it would disappoint him. Slowly, he started talking himself out of telling his dad as he finished dressing and leaving the bathroom just as his dad called him down to the table.

Walking into the kitchen, his dad turned and smiled that same loving smile he always gave him after every day. It had been reassuring and comforting to him after all the years growing up here. Now it was a reminder of the lie he was going to have to live. “Have a seat,” his dad said, “Chicken and rice tonight so you keep that championship winning form the rest of the year.” His dad’s proud grin made him ache inside even as he smirked and sat down at the table.

As his dad served the meal, Kyle focused his eyes on the plate in front of him before they were both sitting and started to eat. When it was just the two of them, meals were very informal. Nothing special asked or expected except for some special occasion. Kyle knew the banter would start soon so he tried to bolt down the uneasiness he felt inside. Despite his efforts, he could feel his heart beating in his ears still.

“So, we got winter break coming soon. Anything in particular you’d like to do before the next semester starts,” his dad’s brown eyes sparkled, matching his smile as he looked across the table at him.

Kyle could only shrug and answer, “I dunno. Maybe another movie night at some point would be cool. Maybe New Years Eve?”

“That could happen,” his father replied with a smirk. “I’m betting most of your friends’ parents wouldn’t mind it.”

He nodded absently, his eyes focusing more on the food he was putting into his mouth. “I’ll see if any of them are interested.”

“All right.” David looked at his son for a moment curiously. He seemed preoccupied. “How are things going with the boys? Anything going on I should know?”

Kyle shifted in his seat and replied simply, “no.”

“That’s good.” He chuckled a bit as he continued, “I’m getting to really like Jacob. You should have seen him sitting next to me last week at your competition. When you were doing your 200 meter, he was going wild.” He laughed and added, “I felt like I had to compete with him with how he was acting.”

“I’m glad you like him,” he returned simply.

“He was a shy kid when you first brought him here. But really, he’s about the sweetest kid I’ve ever met.” He paused in thought and got a far away look before he just chuckled and shrugged. “He’s definitely a good addition.”

“Yeah.” Thinking about Jacob only made his thoughts turn towards what he had already decided not to tell his dad. He took a deep breath and tried to act like everything was normal.

“What about you,” his dad asked, “prepped for your exams?”

“Yeah,” he said again and then added, “we’ve all been working on stuff together for finals this semester.”

“Well good.” David looked at his son carefully as he ate, noticing the eyes not really wanting to look up and his face looking strained. He decided to stop asking questions and just watch him for a few minutes and see what happened.

What ended up happening was the rest of the dinner eaten in silence. After it seemed Kyle was finished eating David told him he could leave the table while he cleaned up. He didn’t want to rush the cleaning up part but the silence seemed unnatural. If Kyle had seemed more himself, David would have just brushed it off as an uneventful day with not much to talk about. But the longer he watched and listened the more he could feel a sharp tension in the air around his son and that bothered him. There had never been a time when his son acted uncomfortable around him. After half an hour passed he went upstairs and knocked on Kyle’s door.

“Kyle, may I come in,” he asked before slowly turning the knob.

“Yeah, come on in,” was the reply he got.

David stepped inside the doorway and looked at his son as he sat at his little desk reading a book. He took a moment to look around at the room and all the stuff accumulated over the many years sitting on the dresser or fixed on the walls. He smiled when he noted the new first place medal next to the other awards he’s received over the years. He turned to sit on the edge of Kyle’s bed and watched his son closely. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah. Why,” Kyle asked without turning to look at him.

“Oh, just curious,” he said casually. “You seemed quiet at dinner tonight is all.”

He shrugged casually. “Just another boring day, dad. Nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah?” David asked. “Then how come you can’t turn around and look at me?”

Kyle sighed and closed the book, turning in his seat to face his father. His eyes looked over at him and he managed a small smile that he hoped would look genuine. “Happy?”

“I’m happy, yeah,” his dad answered. “I have a great son, a great home and a great life. I couldn’t be happier if I tried. You seem distracted though. Is there something you wanna talk about?” Kyle sat there silently. He wasn’t sure what to say. His dad patted the spot on the bed next to him. “Come here, honey. Sit down.”

Kyle slowly stood and took the few short steps to the bed and sat next to his dad with his hands in his lap. Nervousness was making it hard for him to look casual and he had to force himself to hold still. His head lifted up to look over at his dad’s face. He was suddenly aware of how loud his breathing sounded.

David gently reached over and took one his son’s hands. He had a feeling about what was going to happen but he didn’t want to force it. “Something’s on your mind, son. Why don’t we talk about it?”

“Dad...” Kyle began and stopped. David watched his son patiently, waiting for him to speak. Fear coiled around Kyle’s heart again, making it hard for him to say anything. After a few seconds, he managed to mutter, “after the meet was over last week... me and the guys sat in the locker room for awhile and talked.”

“Ok,” his father’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What did you guys talk about?”

Kyle couldn’t look at that face, fearing the disappointment he was about to give his father. He looked down at his lap and tried to speak carefully but it came out as a soft whimper. “Me.”

David’s initial reaction was alarm, wondering what was wrong with his son. From the sound of his voice, it sounded like there was definitely something wrong. “You? What about you?”

Kyle heard his dad’s voice and closed his eyes. The fear around his heart tightened so hard it became painful. “I don’t know how to tell you,” he choked out.

Inwardly, David was starting to think ne needed to take the boy to the hospital but held himself together for Kyle’s sake. His son was in pain and he didn’t know how to make it stop. Putting an arm around his son, he pulled him close, placing his hand on the side of Kyle’s head and placing it on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He kept his voice soft and devoid of fear or concern. “It’s ok, Baby Boy. You can tell me anything, remember? I’ve told you that all your life and it’s still true.”

Kyle’s fear prevented him from speaking. Choking back sobs caused him to shake in his father’s arms. The thought of losing his dad’s love sent tears running down his face. “I can’t.”

“Sweetheart, you’re my son,” David kissed the stubby spiked hair and gently rocked his son the way he used to when he was a little boy. “My little Baby Boy. I love you so much it makes my heart feel like it’ll burst sometimes. I have a feeling what you’re trying to tell me. All I can tell you is that no matter what happens in life I will always love you and you will always be the best part of me.”

“You promise,” he sobbed.

“Always and forever, baby.”

“I… dad… I’m gay.” His held his breath in that moment, waiting for all his fears to be realized.

David felt a tear fall from one eye even as he smiled. He’d been wondering for a few years now and was hoping his son would tell him. He just wished he hadn’t scared himself in the process. He felt a sense of relief and sighed as he said, “Kyle Andrew… Are you telling me this is what has you so upset?”

“Huh?” Kyle sniffed and glanced up at his father, unsure of what he meant.

“You got yourself all worked up to the point you’re crying and that’s all?” David looked down at his son and smiled brightly as he wiped the tears off his face. “Son, gay or straight, you are perfect as far as I’m concerned. Who you love doesn’t matter as long as you are happy.”

“So,” he wiped his eyes and sat up a little more as he realized his dad wasn’t mad at him, “you’re not disappointed?”

David rolled his eyes, “what is there to be disappointed about? You’re not sick, you’re not dying, you’re not doing drugs, you’re not doing anything dangerous. If I’m disappointed any, it’s that you thought I was going to be disappointed. You should know me better than that!”

“So, you’re ok that there won’t be any grandkids,” he offered up a very small smirk.

“Oh, no,” his father said with a laugh. “You’re not off the hook just yet. Just because you don’t want to have sex with girls doesn’t mean you can’t have kids.”

A thoughtful look crossed his face. “I don’t think I wanna have kids.”

“Wait a few years.” He snickered and patted his son’s back.

Kyle sighed and let it drop. His father kept holding him and the feeling of safety slowly returned. He put his arms around his dad and rested his head on his chest.

“So...” David suddenly said after a few moments with a small hint of amusement in his voice, “you wanna tell me the rest?”

“The rest?” He blinked in confusion, not understanding. “The rest of what?”

David chuckled. “The part about Jacob.”

“Wait,” he suddenly sat up and stared at his father in surprise. “What do you mean?”

His father looked like he was about to bust into one of his long stretches of laughter. “How crazy you are about him.”

“Where’d you hear that,” Kyle asked with a little panic in his voice.

“Son,” his father said, “you’re not as subtle as you may think you are and I’m not as oblivious as I might seem.” Kyle’s eyes widened in alarm which just served to make his father chortle. “Don’t worry. I told you I like him. I figured you’d know what I meant. Have you two, ah...” He let the unspoken question hang there only to watch his son’s face turn bright red. He laughed softly and kissed his son’s forehead before saying, “ok, then. What did you two do?”

“We haven’t done anything yet. I haven’t told him anything.” He suddenly couldn’t look at his dad and shifted his gaze to the floor.

“But you’re in love with him?”

Kyle was quiet for a moment before replying, “Yeah, I think I am. I want to tell him but I’m afraid to.”

“That’s understandable,” his father concede. “But, if I were a betting man, I’d say he feels the same way.”

“Really?”

David nodded. “Try and remember, despite my dashingly good looks, I am older than you. I’ve been around the block a few more times than you have so I got some experience in this kind of stuff.”

Kyle perked up a little and smiled, “how do you know?”

His father sighed. “Kyle, seriously, you should’ve seen him when you’re racing. His eyes never left you for a second and his face lights up like you wouldn’t believe. I could’ve sworn he didn’t blink the entire time and, oh boy, can that kid yell.” Kyle blushed and smiled. “I thought he was gonna start crying when he saw you won. And I mean in joy. He was so happy for you.”

Kyle’s eyes misted up again and his lower lip stiffened a little with emotion at the thought of Jacob being proud of him. “I’ve wanted to tell him I love him. But I don’t know how to do it.”

“Well,” his father’s voice got serious suddenly, “let me give you a word of advice and warning. Don’t push him. I have every reason to believe he loves you too, but he might not be ready to admit it. To you or himself. You have to give him time to get where you are.”

“How do I do that?”

David shrugged. “Best I can tell you is just be yourself. He’s got a lot of reasons to love you. Once he’s comfortable with the idea, I think the two of you will be all set.”

Kyle’s face softened. The tension of the moment finally melting away from his body. “Thanks.”

“Thank you for telling me. Everything I said I meant. I love you and nothing will ever change that.” he leaned down and kissed his son’s cheek softly. A small part of him mourned the loss of his small child. He’d probably never have another moment like this with him ever again.

After a few moments of cuddling, he reluctantly released his son and stood up not without giving into the urge to kiss his son’s forehead once more before walking to the door. Just as he opened it, he turned and added, “one more piece of advice about Jacob.”

Kyle looked up, waiting. “Yeah?”

His father smiled softly, looking at nothing in particular as his own memories came to him. “When you decide to tell him, make it a moment neither of you will ever forget.”

Kyle smiled, liking that idea. “Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”

He grinned and shrugged. “Just looking out for my boy. Have a good night, son.” He turned and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.