A way of life - 1. First sight

A Way of Life

At first let me introduce myself to you. My name is Mike, short for Michael and i’m from California. I’m 14 Years old, 1,62m tall and weigh about 58 kg. I have short blond hair and crystal clear blue eyes. The most girls in my school call me cute but that’s not what I’m interested in. I mean, I like girls, but not that way. With this little description of me you should be able to know that I’m not what other people call “normal”. I’m gay. But that’s something I noticed about 2 years ago. I never really looked at girls. They are not what gets me aroused if you know what I mean. Only other boys can give me that nice feeling in my groin. I never thought it’s really uncommon or unnatural. At this moment nobody knows about my little secret and I don’t want to “come out” in the near future. That was at least the plan, but you know about plans that won’t work out. Let me tell you about what happened.

3 Months ago the summer holidays were over and the school starts again. Don’t get me wrong, I like school. I just don’t like the people who are there with me. I have one really good friend (Nate) and my best friend Daniel, or short Dan. Most of my classes I have one or both of my friends are in there too. But don’t talk about this, let’s talk about what happened today on the second day of school. In Homeroom which is the first period our teacher Mr. Davis told us we’ll get a new student. And after a few minutes he let him in the class and introduced him to us, but I didn’t really listen. I was looking in those beautiful hazel brown eyes of this damn cute boy. The next thing I noticed was that he got a desk on my right in the backline of the class. But what can I do? I can’t just speak to him. The words that would come out would just be stuttering tries of words. He looked at me, smiled and reached with his hand into my direction.

“Hi, my name is Nolan and you are?” he said to me and I don’t know how to act on this but I got my shit together and reached with my hand in the direction of his hand.

“Hey, my name is M-Mike. Are you new here?” What a stupid question. Of course he is new here. Otherwise I would have known him.

With a wide smile on his face he said “I see. U didn’t really listen to the teacher. Yes I’m new here. I moved here from San Francisco 3 weeks ago. My mom and I are living in a small house a few minutes away at the 5^th street.”

I couldn’t believe this. This damn cute boy who is new to this city lives just a block away from me. “Do you need someone who shows you around?” I asked, not really knowing what the hell I was about to do.

“That would be cool. Here is my schedule. Maybe we got some classes together.” he said handing me his schedule. I looked at it and couldn’t believe that he got the exact same classes I have except for history in the last period on Fridays.

“Dude, we got the same classes the whole week except one. The others are the same like mine. Oh, and by the way, you just live one block away from me and my friends. You want to join us on our way?” is said. His smile lid up and he blushed a little and he nodded.

The whole period I couldn’t even concentrate what the teacher is telling us. My focus was on him. On occasion he looked away from the teacher and locked eyes with me and smiled. I don’t know what it is but I got a really strong feeling in my stomach. Every time he looked at me and smiled with his clear white teeth at me my heart melt. Those feelings are new to me and I don’t know what they mean. I just know that I want to look at him and want to be close to him. Am I in love? Is this what this feeling is about?

After homeroom we got lunch and walked together to the cafeteria. He wasn’t shy at all. He was just a little bit concerned about the new school and its pupils. We got our meals and sat down at “our” table with my friends. We talked a bit about this and that and Nolan told us a lot about his live and where he’s from. And we told him about us and our families. Then my mind did something what I didn’t really understand. It talked without me wanting it.

“Is it true that there are a lot of gays in San Francisco? I heard that at the TV sometime.” That’s what I said and I couldn’t believe I just asked this stupid question but what he answers kicked me direct in the gut.

“Sure. I am too. And I know a lot of gays too. I hope that’s not a problem for you guys.” WHAT? He is gay? Like me? That can’t be true. The boy I’ll dream about is gay. The boy I fell in love at first sight is gay too? What am I going to do about that? I can’t just ask him out. Nobody knows about my secret. Not even my friends.

Dan said “No Sweat dude. I know some gays too. Like my Uncle and his Husband. I don’t know what the other two think about that but I don’t have any problem with it.” That’s even new to me. He never told me about his uncle. If I had known that I sure would have told him about me.

“Same with me. No problem, dude.” Nate told him and looked at me.

Should I tell them or should is just say that I don’t have a problem with it? “Same here.” Was all I could say at the moment.

After lunch Nolan and I have Math with Dan. We seated us in the back row of the class and waited for the teacher to arrive. A little nervous I asked Nolan “Can we talk after class? I really need to know something.” He nodded and we worked at the sheets the teacher gave us. After class we got out and I excused Nolan and me to Dan and told him we got something to do. He just nodded and walked to his locker. Nolan led me to his locker and I looked around to get sure there is nobody who could hear us.

“How is it so easy to just tell us that you’re gay? I couldn’t believe you just said it like it’s nothing big.”

He looked me in the eyes and said “It IS nothing big. Not for me. I hid for the longest time and that’s not who I am. Why are you asking me something like this?”

“Cause….Cause I am gay too and nobody knows it. It is too scary for me to even tell my friends about that.” There. It’s out. I said it. Finally I told somebody. I told a stranger and new kid in our school that I am gay. What in gods name let me do that?

“Look. You saw the reaction of your friends about this. They are cool about it. Just tell them. If you don’t tell them they get upset when they find out about you later in your life without you telling them. That’s exactly what happened with my friends back in San Francisco. Don’t let it scare you. It is just who you are. And by the way. You are really cute.” I blushed like hell about his last words.

Nervous and still a little shaking I said “Thank you for that. I don’t know If I can do that right now. If my Father finds out his only son is gay he would freak out and disown me. I’m pretty sure about it. And Thank you. But your way cuter. That’s why I couldn’t hear what the teacher said while he was introducing you to us. I was too flashed.”

He smiled at me and looked around and kissed me on the cheek. What the fuck? The sweetest boy I ever saw just kissed me. I turned crimson red and blushed like hell. He smiled at me and asked if we want to get to my locker and get ready for next period. I just nodded and we walked to my locker. I got my books and what I needed and we walked to the next period.

Math is a subject I really enjoy cause I am really good. But this time I couldn’t even concentrate. Not with Nolan on my right site. Not with what he told me. I was thinking hard about what I am going to do. Do I really want to tell Dan and Nate about my little secret? Nolan told me that even his mom knows about him and that she got no problem with that. I can’t tell my dad about this. I don’t know what he thinks about this whole gay thing but I don’t think he would like that or accept that his only son is gay. But maybe I can start with Dan. He obviously got no problem with someone being gay. He got an uncle who is gay and married with another man. If I only knew that a few months ago. I need to sleep about this and maybe I can tell Dan about me.

The next thing I noticed is that Dan hit me in my site and asked why I am sitting there with nobody else in the class. As I looked up I noticed that only Dan and I were in the empty classroom. I looked at him and he asked me “Are you ok? You seem very quiet today.”

“Yeah, everything is just fine. I am just thinking too much, that’s it.” I answered.

“You know you can tell me everything. Maybe I can help you.” He looked at me with a little smile.

A little bit confused I asked “What do you mean? There is nothing wrong. I was just thinking a lot.”

He snickered and said “Sure, just thinking. And I know exactly what you were thinking about.”

Shocked I looked at him and asked “What do you mean?”

“Look, I have known you for how long? 10 years? You’re my best friend and I know everything about you. Even today I knew exactly what is going on in your mind. Don’t bull me, dude. I know it.” He answered.

I don’t really know what to say. Is he telling me that he knows that I am gay? “Still, what do you mean?”

“I know what you were looking at the whole day since Nolan came in to us. I know how you looked at him while he told us that he is gay. I know that you are gay too. I’ve known it for a few years know. I just wasn’t sure if I’m going to talk about this with you or not. Today seems like the right time since you were afk the whole period.” I looked at him. Still shocked. He knew it. He said he knew it for a few years. I didn’t know what to say and just started to cry. I don’t know why but I felt I have to cry. Head to the desk and my best friend who told me that he knows that I am gay and I’m crying like a baby.

“Look. There is no need to cry, Mike. I don’t have any problem with that. You’re my best friend and this won’t change anything. It just felt right to talk about it with you. I know you were scared as hell to talk about this. But don’t be.”

“You knew it? I always freak out when I think about telling you and you just told me that you knew it? Those tears are no sad tears. Those are happy tears. Finally this scary thing got off my soul. Even if I told you by myself. Thank you, Dan.” I stood up and hugged him like I never hugged someone.

“Oh. And by the way. Nate also knows about it. He told me that he noticed it a few times over the past years that you were looking at some boys. But don’t sweat it. Just confirm it to him. He as well got no problem with it.” He smiled at me and led me out of the classroom.

Next period is dinner with my friends. Dan and I walked to the cafeteria, got our meals and got to our table where Nolan and Nate were waiting on us.

“Why are you guys that late?” Nate asked

“Dan and I had to talk.” Looking at Nolan I said “I told him.”

“What did you tell him?” Nate asked confused.

“Ok. I’ll tell you. I’m.. I’m gay. Just like Nolan. That’s what Dan and I talked about. He said he knew it for a few years know. He also told me that you suspect it as well.”

“Ohh. Yes. Finally you told us. And yes. I suspected it. You’re my friend, dude. I don’t have any problem about this. It wasn’t that easy to accept that at first but I got over it. Nothing will change our friendship.” Nate said.

I don’t believe I just told my friends about me. But it feels so damn good not to hide anymore. Nolan smiled at me with his sweetest smile. I smiled back and blushed a little. Last period was PE and I really want to see Nolan undress. I want to see the rest of his beautiful body.

After diner we got our stuff from our locker and went to the PE hall. Inside the lockerroom I found out that Nolan got his locker 3 places on my right site. He looked at me while he undressed with a little smile on his face. Oh my god. He is so beautiful. He is a little bit toned with some muscle that is building up. And just as expected, there is hair to be found. I want him. I want to feel him. I want to kiss him so bad right now. But my other classmates would freak out if I do this. And I don’t even know if Nolan is interested in me. But I want to find out. I need to find out.

I think I am in love with this cute boy that is new to our school.

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