Trainwreck - A Very Guilty Pleasure - 4. Truth

Ike and Devin had quickly cleaned up and thrown on some clothes. Frank heard them whispering in the hall after they exited the shower and both finally entered the kitchen.

Frank and Ben were seated at the small table; Ike and Devin sat down across from their men.

Ben stared at Devin. His voice was cold when he spoke. "You broke our agreement. I believed you. I’ll never do more than oral if I’m tempted, Ben. I hated that you’d be fucking tempted, but okay. I love … loved you ..."

Devin flinched at that.

Ben continued. "I was willing to accept you as you were." Ben pushed his glass of water in a small circle. Then he frowned at his husband. His voice was soft and low when he spoke again. "You need to decide what you want because this," he pointed back and forth between himself and Ike, "this and me, well you don’t get both, Devin."

Ike sat quietly and listened. As Ben spoke, he turned to Frank, who dropped his gaze. When Ben finished, Ike got to his feet, and leaned forward, both hands on the table.

"We never wanted to hurt either of you. But, if we’re honest, and I think it’s about time that we are, none of us is happy. Yeah, we pretend we are. Frank shuts his mouth because I want what I want. He promises me things he doesn’t want to do … because he loves me. I let him fuck me, because I love him. But, he’s not happy, and neither am I. Devin wants me as I am."

"What are you saying, Ike?" Frank turned to his husband.

"You know what I’m saying, babe." Ike scrubbed his face with his hands. "You know, because we’ve been hinting at it for the past year."

"You’re saying we should …"

"Fuck, he’s saying we should all just give up and stop living lies." Devin wiped away hot tears. "He’s saying we shouldn’t be married anymore."

Ben blinked. "I … this is what you want?" He waved his hand at Ike. "Some freak in spandex?" He got to his feet and walked up the stairs and off the boat.

Frank stood up and glanced at his husband and Devin. "Perfect. This is just fucking perfect. Stay here, Ike, don't come home." He turned and followed Ben, grabbing the bag of wine the other man had forgotten. "Ben, wait!"

&&&

Frank pushed the grocery cart and glanced at Ben as they walked through the store. Ben had not spoken since they had left the houseboat, and as the silence drew on, Frank's worry grew for his partner.

They stopped at the meat section, and Frank smiled. "Hey. What do you want for dinner? Pork chops, or maybe a steak?"

Ben shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

Frank felt raw and emotional. He swallowed and parked the cart, then turned to Ben. "Ben …" Frank gripped his shoulders, heedless of who else might be in the aisle. "What you want matters, okay? It matters."

Silent tears rolled down Ben's stony face and Frank hugged him. "It matters to me."

Ben squeezed Frank hard and held on.

Half an hour later, they finished their shopping. They loaded their bags and got into the car, then Frank pulled onto the street. Soon, they were on the highway headed to Port Joy.

Ben looked over at his partner. He's hurting too. He's hurting, and he's just been trying to take care of me. Ben cleared his throat. "Thanks for letting me stay over tonight."

Frank smiled as he drove. "Well, yeah." He glanced at Ben. "I mean, we have our show to watch. I can't do that without my partner."

Ben returned his smile. He had a powerful urge and bit his lip as he lay his hand on Frank's leg. "I'm not coming onto you, I just … wanna touch someone." The need for connection and human touch was extreme in Ben at that moment.

Frank nodded. "I get it." He put one hand over Ben's. "It's okay."

They rode that way for the rest of the drive.

Frank pulled into his two-car driveway. He sighed heavily. "I always bitched about Ike's beast of a vehicle. How much room it takes up." Ben watched as Frank's Adam's apple bobbed. "Guess that won't be a problem soon."

He's really hurting too. Ben squeezed Frank's hand. "Come on. Let's make some dinner, maybe have some wine. That sound okay?"

Frank nodded and forced a smile. "Sure."

Ben and Frank entered the house with their bounty of food and bottles of wine Frank had brought from the boat. It wasn't long before their steaks were out of the packaging and on plates.

"I like a dry rub for steak, but I can make a marinade too if you'd prefer." Ben pulled a little pyrex bowl down from the open kitchen shelf above the counter. He glanced at Frank. "What would you like?"

Frank's lips quirked into a smile. "Ah, dry rub is fine. I'll handle our sweet potatoes and salad." He chuckled. "Ike is all about convenience when it comes to food. It's nice to actually cook with someone."

Ben grinned. "Yeah."

A couple of glasses of wine were poured and as dinner was prepared, they loosened up a little. Frank lay his phone on the table, and his Indie Spotify station began to play.

"Oh, I like this." Ben smiled as he pulled their steaks from under the broiler. While he did that, Frank plated their salad and the honey and balsamic-glazed sweet potatoes.

Their timing was good. Their food was ready only a few minutes before the episode was to air, and they sat down with their late dinner and wine.

Frank held up his glass of red wine. "To friendship."

Ben looked him in the eye and nodded. He held his own glass to Frank's. "To the truth."

Frank bit his lip. "Yeah."

Their glasses rang as they gently touched, and each took a sip of the vintage. Frank turned on the television. There was both anticipation and a touch of fear on his face. "Okay. Here we go."

The second episode ran. After it finished, Ben waved a hand at the television. "God, Lupe is too focused on being a horn-dog. He missed a line," he groused.

Frank laughed. "Did you hear yourself?" He cleared his throat. "'He missed a line'. A! Single!" He grinned at Ben. "Plus, some of his ad-libs were great. I think we did good, Ben. I really do."

Ben couldn't quite help the smile that crept across his face. "Yeah, I do think he was born to play—"

Ben's phone began to buzz. He checked and the blood drained from his face. "Oh no." He looked fearfully at Frank. "Gail."

Frank appeared resigned and nodded. "Well, put her on speaker. Let's hear how horrible we did this time."

Ben answered. "Hello?"

"Are you both there?" Gail's imperious voice was loud over the connection.

"We are." Frank scooted closer and spoke over the phone that lay on the coffee table. "What can we do for you, Gail?"

"Good. I wanted to ask when the next script will be ready."

"Uh, it's coming along." Ben frowned and shrugged at Frank. "Another couple of days, and we'll have it done."

"Great. Good." She seemed hesitant, an oddity for the woman. "I, ah. Terrence rather liked your episode, and I wanted to call and congratulate you on that." She chuckled. "If you haven't noticed, he's hard to please."

Ben stared at the phone as if it had grown a head. Frank replied for his speechless partner. "Oh? Well, that's great! We're glad he enjoyed it."

"Yes. Well, don't get used to it." She was back to her normal self. "Goodnight, gentlemen. See you at the office." Without further pomp or circumstance she hung up.

They blinked at the now silent device on the coffee table. Then Ben burst into laughter. They both saw through the feeble attempt by Gail to avoid admitting she enjoyed the episode. "Oh my God. She liked it!" He leaped up. "She liked it!"

Frank jumped to his feet. The men laughed and hugged one another hard.

The laughter died away, but they continued to cling to one another. Frank closed his eyes. "I'm glad you're here."

Ben nodded just slightly. "Me too."

Frank breathed against Ben's neck. Then a soft, hesitant kiss on the skin there sent chills down Ben's spine.

Ben moved his head, and for the second time, his lips found Frank's. This time was sweet, slow and gentle.

Frank made a low noise of longing, but he pulled back slightly. He smiled as their heads were together. "I, uh." He exhaled and tried to reassert control over himself. "I have an extra bed, but I really don't want to sleep alone tonight." He smiled. "I'll be good. I promise."

Ben nodded. "Okay." He made a face. "I just don't want to sleep in Ike's bed. The one you guys slept in."

"Okay. We'll sleep in the guest room."

They cleaned up the kitchen together and made their way upstairs. After a brief tour of the floor, Frank led Ben to the guest room. There both men stripped for bed. Ben stood in his boxers, and appeared a little embarrassed. "Ah, I don't sleep well if I'm wearing anything. Is that okay?"

Frank smiled. "Sure. That's fine." He turned his back and heard the sound of Ben removing his underwear. Then the bed moved as the man got under the blankets and quilt. Frank left his boxer briefs on and slid between the sheets.

Ben seemed nervous. "Uh, how … how do you want me?"

"Here. Roll over."

Ben did, and Frank scooted up behind him. His arm went around Ben's middle, and he patted the slim man's flat belly. "This okay?" Frank kept his groin carefully away from Ben's backside.

Ben pressed back, until he was flush with Frank's body. An erection pressed into Ben's ass, and he grinned. He wiggled his rear just a bit. "This is better."

Frank chuckled. "Okay." He kissed the back of Ben's neck, drinking in the scent of the man. "Goodnight, Ben."

"Night, Frank." Ben sighed. "Thanks again, for everything."

"Same to you, partner."

They quieted, and a few minutes passed as they both tried to sleep. Ben bit his lip.

"Frank?"

"Yeah?"

"I’m sorry I called Ike a freak earlier."

"It’s okay." Frank lay his forehead against Ben’s shoulder. "Forget it."

Ben blinked slowly in the darkness of the room. He was warm and in the embrace of a man who was becoming more important to him by the day. With a big yawn, Ben smiled, and he went to sleep.

&&&

Ike pulled out his phone. "I was going to call for takeout." He didn’t remember Devin cooking at the party, and wet his lips. "I mean, we can get something to make instead, if you like."

Devin shook his head. "Pizza would really hit the spot right now."

"Yeah?" Ike grinned. "Okay, sounds good."

"While we’re waiting, do you think maybe we should talk?" Devin asked.

Ike sighed as he ordered online. "What about? Our fucked up marriages?"

"Yeah, I mean, I love Ben."

"Fuck, Dev, I love Frank too, but that doesn’t mean we should be together. I think the fact that you and I are doing what we’re doing is the truth slapping us in the face."

"Well, what should we do?"

Ike gazed at his smaller lover. "I can’t tell you what to do. But, I am gonna file for divorce. It’s been a long time coming."

"What about me? I mean, how do you feel?"

Smiling, Ike reached for Devin’s hand. "Dev, I like you. You’re fun, willing, and you’ll wear Lycra. Let’s just see how it goes. I don’t think either of us are ready for another mistake, right?"

Devin stared at Ike. That wasn’t what he’d wanted his new lover to say. "Uh, right. Okay." Shit, I hope this wasn’t a mistake.

&&&

It was still dark in the room when Frank woke. He blinked, confused at first by what had awakened him, and then by the narrow shoulders and lanky body he spooned. Then he remembered and sighed.

Ben's back hitched as he tried to stay silent. Frank heard him quietly crying and immediately felt an intense protective instinct toward his mourning partner.

"It's all right." Frank rubbed Ben's chest. "It'll be all right."

"No." Ben took a shaky breath. "I wasn't enough. I … I wasn't enough of a husband for him, not enough of a man. I'm not enough."

"Hey, don't do that." Frank squeezed him. Those same doubts had roiled him, but he tried to push his own insecurity aside for the moment. "It just didn't work. It wasn't right between you guys, and sometimes that's just how it is."

Ben's tears continued, and Frank kissed the back of his neck. Ben took a breath to speak. "Why are you so nice to me?"

Frank felt the moment come, and he couldn't let it pass. "I … I like you." He breathed against Ben's neck. "I know it's shitty timing, but I do." He rubbed his face on Ben's soft hair and inhaled his scent. "I think you could be enough for me … if you ever wanted to try."

Ben rolled over and clung to Frank. Ben worked his mouth. "I don't want to fuck things up. I don't want to fuck it up, because you're all I've got now."

"Okay." Frank held him tight. "I … I won't pressure you. I don't want to fuck up either."

Ben lay in Frank's arms, and finally they both fell back to sleep.

&&&

Gail swept into the building in the morning. Over her arm, she carried her handbag and a pair of black slacks in a transparent cleaners bag. She raised a hand at the security desk and pressed the elevator call button. She was humming.

Getting off on the eighteenth floor, she walked to her office door. Opening it she shouted for Terrence, whose desk in her reception was empty. Continuing on, she strode into her office proper. She’d only just hung the extra slacks and put down her purse when Terrence appeared.

"Good morning, madam." Terrence helped Gail off with her fur coat. "I see you’re wearing deceased beasts again."

"Call PETA if you don’t like it! Get me a coffee and a Chelsea bun."

"Of course. Would madam like that with a fork?"

Gail sat and lit a cigarette. "Where are the daily reports?" She glanced at her mouthy assistant. "And you either bring a fork or you can lick the sticky off my fingers."

Shuddering, Terrence made a face. "I know where those fingers have been. A fork it is. The dailies are on the right hand corner of your desk, madam. Just like they are every morning. I will bring your coffee and then trot down to the cafeteria for your nutritious breakfast."

"You could use more trotting." Reaching for the report, Gail said, "A Chelsea bun is nutritious, Terrence. It has cherries and nuts! Plants, as you like to remind me! When you come back, bring some of that sludge you call herbal tea and let’s go over the numbers."

"Yes, madam."

When Terrence returned with the Chelsea bun and his tea, he found Gail bent over the papers on her desk. She was mumbling to herself.

He set down the plate and his tea. The botoxed brow furrowed. "Is everything all right, madam?"

Gail peered up. "All right? All right. Call those two and get them up here! Everything is better than all right. Every show should be this all right!"

Terrence didn't even have to ask which pair of writers she referred to. He stopped pressing buttons on his phone. "What has happened?"

"Terrence, out of a hundred-and-forty soaps we have running, what place was the Houseboat last week?"

"Ah, one-hundred-forty-second, madam." He grinned. "We have one-hundred-forty-three soaps."

She brushed aside the correction. "And where," she slid a list across the desk, "is Houseboat now?"

Terrence scanned the bottom of the list, and his frown intensified as his eyes traveled up. His jaw dropped. "Sixty … sixty-first?" He blinked in shock. "They've moved eighty spots in a week?"

Gail smirked. "Eighty-one. Get them up here."

"Right away."

&&&

Frank and Ben’s morning had been quiet. They sat at their desks working on the next script in silence.

Frank sighed heavily. "Fuck, Ben. I am not in the mood to write today."

Ben grunted his agreement. "Me too. But we better. Gail will be looking for this to be finished and Allan will be pestering us for the first draft."

"Yeah, okay. I’ll get a snack and give myself a shake. You want anything? I’ll call Jessie. I could use an Egg McMuffin with bacon, some homefries. What about you?"

Ben looked up. "You’re going to send Jessie for food and you think she’ll bring back the right thing? That girl is nice as pie, but she’s a ding dong."

"I’m going to order Egg McMuffin with sausage … I’m sure to get bacon!"

"Okay … I’ll join you in that. It may just work!" Ben laughed out loud. "I don’t know how she gets here on time and at the right address."

Their food order placed with their P.A., they went back to work. They discussed Weatherby and his sex scenes with Lupe.

Ben stopped typing. "Do you ever feel like we are writing porn?" He wrinkled his nose as he remembered something. "I have a confession to make."

Frank grinned. "Get out! You’ve secretly always wanted to write porn?"

"No! But when we first met, that’s what I thought you did … wrote porn."

"Geez, well thanks for that, Benny!" Frank felt warm when Ben laughed along with him. "But no, just boring columns for a few e-mags."

Ben was about say something more when the office phone rang. He answered.

"Good morning, Terrence. Now? Um … no … of course it’s not a bad time. Right away. Okay. Thank you."

Frank looked on with raised eyebrows. "What does pretty boy want?"

"Us. We’ve been summoned by the woman herself. Now."

Just at that moment Jessie walked in. She carried three bags from McDonald’s. "I have all the stuff you asked for, Mr. Frank."

"Thanks." He looked with a little confusion at the number of bags. "Ah, just leave them there in the kitchen." Frank tucked in his shirt. "We have to see Gail."

"Okay, sure," Jessie said in her breathy Marilyn voice, and smiled pleasantly. "I’ll just go on back to my desk and finish my nails. Let me know if you need anything!"

Both men watched the girl sashay down the hall.

Frank grinned. "Someone could lose an eye!"

They were still laughing when they walked into Executive Reception, Terrence's domain, two floors above

Terrence stood up from behind his desk and walked them to the closed office doors. "She’s waiting. Let's go."

The trio entered the office. Terrence stood to the side, while Ben and Frank sat in the pair of hard-backed chairs in front of Gail’s huge mahogany desk. Today, it was neat as a pin.

"Good morning, you two. I’ve had you come up here because there is something I need to tell you."

Ben and Frank’s eyes sought each other.

"I see that look." Gail lit a cigarette. She got to her feet and walked her usual route to the windows. "Frankly, I never thought this was going to happen." The thin CEO turned, her sharp eyes settling on her employees. She pointed at them with her cigarette. "Last week, your masterpiece was one-hundred-forty-second, out of one-hundred-forty-three soaps we produce."

The numbers hit Ben hard. Frank heard his partner suck in air in an effort to remain calm. As Ben rubbed his face, Frank had never wanted so badly to hold his friend. He swallowed his own disappointment. Neither of them needed this right now.

Striving for optimism, Frank spoke up. "Well, Gail it’s early days—"

"Quiet, Franz." The woman interrupted. "Because you see, somehow between then and today, your little masterpiece has literally flown up the ratings eighty-one spots to land on number sixty-one!"

While Frank smiled at the news, Ben’s face had not changed. He sat in stony silence. The situation with Devin was all too much for him. He reached out and gripped Frank’s hand as tears ran down his face. His partner's face fell when he looked at Ben.

Gail turned around and took in Frank’s initial reaction. She saw Ben reach out and then his tears. Freezing for just a moment, her eyes narrowed. "Terrence, I want you and Franz to get out now. I would like to have a word with Ben here on his own."

"Madam, is there something I can …"

Gail barked. "Get out now. Both of you. Shut the door. No eavesdropping! If I find you waiting in reception, I’ll fire you. Both of you go to the lounge down the hall."

Frank looked up at her. "I think …"

Terrence had walked out the door as he’d been told. "Frank, come on."

When Frank hesitated, Gail stared down at him. "Frank," she said firmly. "Go with Terrence. Now." Her voice softened. "Please." She turned away and stared out the window.

Frank patted Ben’s hand. "It'll be all right. I’ll be waiting for you." He smiled at Ben. "Whatever happens, I’ll be there for you." He didn't want to, but he stood and left Ben with Gail, shutting the door behind him.

Gail stood in silence for several minutes looking out the window. "You likely believe I’m a bitch. Many more would use the C-word. I suppose I come across that way. There is a reason for that, Ben.

"I wanted this station, I decided many moons ago that I would own a successful TV station. I had to fight for what I believed. It’s harder when you’re not a man, or if you’re gay or black or just different. I wanted to run it my way with people I wanted to work with. One person I want to work with is you." She turned to gaze at him. "You may be surprised that I know who you are. Exactly who. You wrote Let the Wind. I knew the moment I saw your application. Frank is a good writer but you are too. I wanted you both. I’m not just some old broad, I know what is going on."

Ben looked at her with teary eyes. "Why? Why play games, then? When we were first hired?" He sighed in frustration. "You made me feel worthless, like I wasn't here except to be a Houseboat Consultant to Frank!"

Gail flinched. "That was wrong of me. It was too much. Frankly, I thought you were going to be so full of yourself that you'd need knocking down a peg or two." She took another drag, and let all of the smoke puff out at once in a sigh. "I have some questions for you, and I want honesty. Will you give me that?"

Wiping his tears, Ben nodded and allowed himself to listen.

"Something is going on with you and Frank. I see how you are with one another. There's real affection there. You’re both married to others, so tell me." Gail sat down at her desk.

Ben started to speak. He told her all of it, keeping nothing inside. While he spoke, Gail remained silent.

"I’m sorry you’re all going through that, Ben. But Ike is correct, staying together for the wrong reasons is not smart, it doesn’t make you a better person." She leaned forward, her hands on the desk. "I’ll tell you something else, if you feel strongly that Frank could be the right person for you, then tell him. Life is too short to waste time. There is no promise of a tomorrow, but there are opportunities today. So take them."

Nodding, Ben considered her words. "Thank you. Can I ask you something?"

Gail lit another cigarette. "Yes."

"Are you married? Have a family?"

"I was, and yes. I have three grown children and two grandchildren." She blew smoke toward the ceiling. "That is between you and me."

Ben nodded. "Fair enough."

She leveled a stare at him. "Ben, I need to know you’re going to be all right."

"I am. I will be. Thank you." He shook his head with a laugh. "Why, ah, why do this? Talk to me?"

"You needed to know I believe in you. I don’t hand out praise lightly. I want you and Frank to write this soap. I want it good." She gave him a tiny, enigmatic smile. "There is something else I want."

Ben drew in a deep breath. "What’s that?"

"I want you to write a sequel to Let the Wind."

"You do?"

"Yes, dammit. It was a helluva book. So write it - in your spare time, of course!"

Ben grinned. "Yes, ma’am."

Gail smiled. "I don’t have to say all of this is between us. Weak women don't last long in this business. I cannot have rumours that I may be nice!"

"I wasn’t even here."

Gail rose and walked around her desk. Her hand landed briefly on Ben’s shoulder. She left him and opened the door. Finding no one, she opened the outer office door and stuck her head around it. She called down the hall, "Terrence! You and Franz get your asses back here. Now!"

&&&

Gail finished with them, and they left her office. As soon as they entered the elevator, Frank put an arm around Ben's shoulders. "Hey. Are you okay? She didn't come down on you did she?" The thought made Frank's voice harden. "I swear, if she did, I'll …"

"I'm okay." Ben nodded, then smiled reassuringly at Frank. "I mean, relatively speaking, I'm okay. Gail didn't yell at me. We just …" Ben tried to find the right thing to say. "We just talked a bit about where everything is going." ‘Everything' being my life.

Frank still looked concerned, but a smile lifted one corner of his mouth. "Okay." Frank kept his arm right where it was. "Ah, so … I was thinking about your living situation."

"Ugh. God." Ben slumped. "I need an apartment. I can't go back to the boat."

"Yeah. I agree you probably shouldn't go back to the boat." Frank wet his lips. "Uh," he scratched his head as he spoke, "what do you think of living at my place?"

Ben turned wide eyes on him. "I … I don't think …"

"It's just until you figure things out," Frank hurriedly interrupted. "I mean, I have the spare room, and it wouldn't be a bother." His face was crimson, and he couldn't look at Ben, so he stared at the floor.

Gail's words rang in Ben's mind. There is no promise of a tomorrow, but there are opportunities today. So take them. "I think," Ben smiled, "that sounds really good. If you're sure."

Frank grinned. "Yes. I'm sure." He clapped Ben on the back. "Okay! Well, we need to go by the dock, yeah? Pick up your stuff?"

"Yeah. Devin should be at work, for real this time. Unless he's still lying about that, but I don't know why he would be now."

"All right. Let's go."

Frank and Ben went downstairs to the parking garage, and got into Frank's car.

Ben relaxed back in the seat as they drove, and sighed as he looked forward to his next chapter.