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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Endings - 7. Chapter 7 Bad Timing

"He's that one guy, you know?"

                                                                                                                                                                                      ***

 

Bad Timing

 

 

“Hey.”

“Chase! Wow. You’re calling me? Did hell freeze over?”

“Very funny. I just remembered why I don’t call you… because you’re such a smartass.”

Cindy laughed. “I’m just razzing you. So, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I, ah, was wondering… if you’d heard from Dad yet.”

“I did. It sounds like he’s doing a lot better than when he left.”

“That’s what I thought too. Did you know Mom told him to take that trip?”

“She did?”

“Yup. He said he was following her orders.”

“Ah… that makes sense. I can see her doing that.”

“She always knew what he needed.”

Cindy snickered. “Yeah, whether he liked it or not. Nice to hear you talking about her, Chase.”

“It’s about time, isn’t it,” he agreed. “It doesn’t hurt so much now, not the way it did.”

“Good. She’d be happy to know that.”

“Yeah, I’ve finally figured that out. Before I forget, what happened to her paintings, the ones of Dad’s?”

“I have them. Why?”

“Just asking. There’s only the sheep one at the condo.”

“That’s because Dad told me he couldn’t bear being surrounded by them after Mom died, so I’m keeping the rest of them here until he’s ready. He asked me to keep them safe for him,” she added.

“I kind of thought that might be the case. So… what did Dad say to you in his email?”

“Want me to read it to you?”

“Nah, just tell me.”

“Okay, well, he told me about the one you sent him—said he agreed with you and me about getting back to being a family, and apologized for shutting us out. Oh yeah, and he talked a little about the town he was just in… Mom and he spent four days there, years ago. He’s… he also said he’s concerned about you… said it’s a shame what happened and that he thinks the world of Hank.”

“Who doesn’t,” Chase said bitterly.

“Chase? Something wrong?”

“No… okay, yeah, I had a tough afternoon.”

“What’s going on?”

“I saw Hank today.”

“Oh… did you talk?”

“More like snarked at each other. He was pissed because I picked up my bike from the underground storage locker without calling him first.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope.”

“That doesn’t sound like Hank. Why do you think—”

“He had Kevin with him.”

“Kevin? John’s Kevin?”

“Uh huh, but he’s not John’s Kevin anymore. He’s as single as they come now, as far as I know.”

“I knew about their breakup, and you sound jealous.”

“I am… it’s stupid, I know… but… it’s driving me insane.”

“Do you honestly think Hank would get involved with someone so soon?”

Chase heard her skepticism. “No, but eventually he’s bound to, and Kevin is the perfect guy.”

“Hank doesn’t love Kevin, he loves—”

“Don’t say it! He used to love me… past tense.”

“I don’t believe that. He proposed to you like, what, two weeks ago?”

“And he got rejected.”

“You needed to think about it… that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with taking some time, and he should understand that.”

“I said no. That’s what Hank heard. A big fat no. I told him I made a mistake, but the damage is done.”

“Oh, Chase—”

“I was beginning to get my shit together, but this just messed me up again.”

“I’m sorry, little brother, but this isn’t high school. Hank’s an adult, and so are you… you guys will figure it out.”

Chase scoffed, feeling miserable. “Am I? An adult?”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course you are.”

“I don’t know… I’m beginning to think I’m emotionally stunted.”

“What the heck are you talking about?”

He groaned and then sighed, embarrassed at how he was feeling, but he couldn’t stop now. Cindy wouldn’t allow it. He sighed once more. “Since Mom got sick, I haven’t stood on my own two feet… Dr. Chorney… he pointed it out at our last session. Hank took care of me whenever I couldn’t handle stuff, which was pretty much all the time. I never thought about what he was going through because he was always so strong… and now I’m alone. People keep leaving me, and….” He hesitated, before letting loose a groan of pure misery. Frustration was getting the best of him. “Sorry… see what I mean. I’m fucking pathetic.”

“No, you’re not, but Mom didn’t leave you, Chase, and neither did Dad. You understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes! I get it… I do. Like I said, seeing Kevin and Hank together has me all messed up, and everything’s getting all distorted in my head.”

“Of course seeing them together would make you wonder… it would mess most people up, thinking their ex was with someone else, but you don’t know that’s what is going on, right?”

“No, I don’t… I don’t know anything, but I’ve got a bad feeling….”

“So, that’s the reason you called me?”

“I guess so… yeah.”

“Good. You’re learning, little brother. Holding things in doesn’t work, and this is a positive, but don’t be so hard on yourself. I hate hearing you like this, but you know it for what it is, and that’s important. Don’t let seeing them together cause you to spiral… you’ve been doing so well. And, you are not emotionally stunted. I get jumping to conclusions after all that’s happened, but please don’t, and for God’s sake, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Stupid? You mean like call him?”

“If that’s what you’ve been considering, then yeah, especially that. As much as I think you guys need to talk, if he acted that way over you picking up your bike, then I think you should give it time. It sounds like he’s not in the right frame of mind, and neither are you. It’s just my opinion, but wait and see if he calls you.”

“That isn’t going to happen.”

“Maybe not right away, and maybe not in the way you want, but you told me Dr. Chorney cautioned against trying to force something.”

“So, I shouldn’t call and apologize for just showing up?”

“Do you really believe you did something wrong?”

“God, you sound like Dr. Chorney.”

“Consider me your backup therapist. Now answer the question… do you think Hank was right to act the way he did?”

“No. I don’t know. No, definitely not.”

“Okay, so why would you apologize?”

“You’re right. Hank was a dick. I did email him that I was coming to pick up my bike, and he was the one who hid in the park when I picked up my stuff last night.”

“He what?! He hid? What the heck are you talking about?”

Chase put his head in his hands and shook his head at the slip he’d just made, but knew he needed to explain, because he’d promised. So, he told her about the previous evening, and when he finished, Cindy said three words.

“Don’t call him.”

 

Monday morning, he arrived at work early. He’d been up for hours, and even fit in a bike ride through his old neighborhood. He’d stopped in front of the only house he’d ever lived in while growing up. Other than different curtains in the window, and different cars in the driveway, it stilled looked the same. It was surreal, but only hurt a little.

He was going over intern submissions for print ads, and one stood above the rest. Dawson’s. Speak of the devil, he was walking past his office when Chase looked up.

“Hey! Dawson, come in here.”

“Morning, boss… er, Mr. Leeman.”

“Chase. No need to be formal.”

“Sorry… I was preoccupied. How was your weekend?”

The question was one he wasn’t prepared for. “It was… an ordeal, actually, but I got through it”—he smiled weakly—“how was yours?”

“Quiet. I ran on Saturday, biked on Sunday, and read a lot.”

“Some here… except for the reading. I finally wiped the cobwebs off my Schwinn.”

“Oh, I have a Schwinn too. I’ve never let it get cobwebs, though.”

“I never used to, but after my mom got sick, we stopped going for rides as a family, and, other than a ride here and there, I never really got back to it until this past weekend. My ex… he always preferred running. Anyway, it felt good.”

“Oh, sorry about your mom. Is she better?”

“No, she’s… she passed away six… ah… seven months ago.”

“Oh, man, sorry. My mom… I don’t know what I would do without her. Sorry… I shouldn’t be talking about her when you—”

“Of course you should. I was close to my mother too. It’s taken some time, but I’m finally accepting she’s gone. She was sick for years. Anyway, I wanted to tell you this is some good work”—he held up the ad—“and you outshone the other two, so this is the one I’ll recommend we use.”

“Oh, sweet! I was hoping it was usable.”

“Definitely shows your creativity. Just one suggestion, though. I think if you soften the green a half-shade, the banner will have a better overall impact.”

“Oh, now that you point it out, I see what you mean.”

“Good. Make the change and I’ll submit it to Allan.”

“Cool. I’ll get right on it.” A huge smile accompanied his words, and it was hard to ignore how handsome he was.

Chase smiled back as the man retreated to the hallway and disappeared. He was still smiling when Dawson appeared at his door again. “What’s up?”

“Um… I’m biking tonight if you want to join me. I usually do about thirty kilometers… I could meet you at your building?”

“My building? You know where I live?”

“Oh God, that sounds creepy, doesn’t it? Look, I’m not a stalker or anything—I rent the top two floors of one of those skinny townhouses across the street from your building, and I’ve seen you a couple of times lately. You ran right by my place on Saturday.”

“Oh, I see… had me worried there,” Chase said with a grin.

“I understand if you don’t want to, but it would be nice to have some company. I used to bike everywhere with my best friend, but he’s not… it was a long time ago. Anyway, think about it.”

“I definitely will.”

“Okay, I better go get this done.” He disappeared quicker this time, leaving Chase a little confused. Nothing had changed since Friday… well… it had, but not how he felt about getting involved with someone. Still, like Cindy had said, he could use a friend. Maybe….

 

Dawson was waiting when Chase wheeled his bike out into the strong late afternoon sunlight. “Right on time,” he said as he straddled it.

“Hey, nice bike. A hybrid?”

“Yeah, it is. I like the thinner tires, but the front and rear suspension can still handle trails. My dad bought me this one when I was sixteen, after I bent the forks on my old one.”

“A wreck?”

“Yeah, you could say that. Had an argument with a tree.”

“Been there,” Dawson said, grinning. “I’ve had mine since I was seventeen. I always had mountain bikes before, but I fell in love with this street bike… it was used, but in perfect condition, and I got it cheap.”

“Looks sharp. I like the silver paint.”

“Thanks, I’ve touched it up a few times over the years. Ready to go?” Dawson asked, and Chase sensed a nervous energy in the man.

“Ready. I’ll follow you. This was a good idea.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. I know I wasn’t all that enthusiastic at first, but I need to get out of the headspace I’ve been in.”

“That was the goal. Try to keep up,” he called out in challenge.

Chase laughed, feeling lighter than he had the entire weekend. Maybe this week would be different. “Don’t worry about me,” he returned as he picked up speed.

 

Chase was breathing heavily as he followed Dawson into the park. It was Hank’s park… Rex’s park, and he immediately felt uneasy. Why, of all places, did the man have to choose this spot to stop for a rest? He had to admit he’d had trouble keeping up with the silver street bike, so he really needed the breather. He looked around as he glided to a stop, but saw no sign of anyone he knew. Dawson was already sitting on the picnic bench, chugging water. Chase soon did the same.

“You’re in great shape there, speedy,” he said after taking in enough water.

Dawson grinned. “Thanks… you kept up pretty good.”

“That’s because you slowed down for me.”

“No, I slowed down for me… couldn’t keep up the pace.”

“Yeah, right,” Chase said, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, maybe I gave you a break,” he responded with a grin. “I really like this spot.”

“So does my dog. That used to be my building,” he said, nonchalantly pointing it out.

“Really? Oh shit, my bad… is it okay to stop here?”

“Sure… yeah.”

“That didn’t sound convincing. Do you want to get going?”

“Nah, I need a few more minutes to recuperate. So… tell me about yourself. What did you mean about being an expert on bad timing?”

“Oh… that… ah, just… ah… you don’t want to hear my sad story.”

“It would be better than thinking about my own.” His eyes flicked to his old balcony before he turned his attention back to the man. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. We can talk about something else.”

Dawson was studying his hands, but he turned his head and met Chase’s gaze. “Really not much to tell. It’s the typical gay cliché about being in love with my best friend and carrying the torch for years.”

“I get that. Hank was my best friend.”

“What, since childhood?”

“No, not that long. So, what happened?”

“Brent and I, we went all the way back to third grade. Anyway, he moved away, and I never came clean. I wasn’t out, and I was too scared to tell him I was gay or how I felt. We… we were on the same sports teams, and you know all the faggot talk that happens when the coaches aren’t around… it intimidated me back then.”

Chase nodded, understanding exactly what he was talking about. It was like walking a tightrope, until you finally got up the courage to say fuck it.

“Yeah, so anyway, I went off to college in one city, and he went off to college in another, and after a couple of years I stopped thinking about him so much. I even had a steady boyfriend for about a year, but it never felt quite right… he wasn’t the serious type.”

“Serious type?”

“He was just in it for the fun… the sex. He would never talk about the future.”

“Ah… and you were the serious type.”

“I wanted more from him, so yeah.”

“I get it. So, did you and Brent keep in touch?”

“At first we did, but it was too hard. I needed to move on. I was the one who stopped responding,” he said bitterly.

“Moving on… yeah, I’m beginning to hate that phrase. Easier said than done, though, eh?”

“That’s for sure. Are you certain you want to hear this?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay, well, there’s not much left to tell. I ran into him, right on Yonge Street during rush hour—he was waiting for the light straight across from me—not long after I graduated, and all those old feelings came back, stronger than ever.”

“And?”

“After we got over the shock, we went to dinner, had some drinks, and went to the hotel he was staying at. We talked… and talked… and talked… about everything other than what I wanted to. Finally, I got up the nerve and told him I was gay, and how I’d felt all those years, and how I much I still thought of him.”

“How did that go over?”

“He kissed me.”

“Whoa! Really? He’s gay?”

Dawson nodded. “Yes, it turns out he is, and he’d been as afraid to tell me as I’d been to tell him. And, get this—he was in love with me too.”

“Wow. That sounds like a dream come true. So, keep going… what happened?”

Dawson chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “After he kissed me, he told me how he’d felt, past tense, and then he really opened up. He told me he’d fallen in love with this amazing, exciting, driven man he’d met six months earlier, and they were going to get married. I was pretty shook up, but so was he.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck. It was awful to realize….”

Chase waited, but no more words came. “So that was it?” he asked softly.

“Uh huh. His fiancé was in northern Canada at the time, and I do mean northern, and Brent was leaving the next day to join him. The guy’s a pilot, and had plans to buy some little airport they’re going to run together. Brent has a business degree, and he’s always wanted to be his own boss. He was expected to go into his dad’s successful business, but that was never his idea.”

“He a pilot too?”

“He wasn’t at the time, but he was taking lessons, so he could be by now. I don’t know how that works exactly. Anyway, that was the plan—they have their life together figured out—and I was too fucking late. So now do you understand why I’m an expert at bad timing? We had one kiss—one amazing kiss—and then it all ended. If I’d only had the guts to tell him sooner.”

“Or he’d had the guts to tell you.”

“Yeah. It was hard for Brent too.”

“Have you heard from him?”

“No, we agreed… what’s the point? He’s moved on, and I’m trying to. We hugged goodbye, and that was the last time I saw him. I wasn’t the only one leaking tears when I left.”

“I’m sorry, Dawson.”

“It is what it is. I’m in a much better place than I was, and I am glad he’s happy.”

“Still… it sucks.”

“Uh huh, it sure does. I still love him, and guess I always will. He’s that one guy, you know?”

Chase immediately thought of Hank. “Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know.”

He turned his head, looking up to his old balcony. It was empty, but when he lowered his eyes, he witnessed the unmistakable figure of his ex, walking Rex through the outdoor parking lot. Shit. It was the last thing he needed so soon after Saturday’s fiasco. He knew he was courting disaster when Dawson had turned his bike into this park, and now it was headed his way.

He was tempted to try an escape across to the other side, but just as the thought crossed his mind, Rex began straining at the leash. He’d obviously seen him, and now Hank was looking his way. “Shit.” This time he said it out loud.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“See that dog over there?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s my dog.”

“Oh… and that guy is…?”

“Yup. Hank. My ex… who hates me.”

“Cripes! He’s hot!”

“Yeah. He is that.”

Chase kept appreciative eyes on the slowly advancing man. He was an avid runner, and looked damn good in his black running shorts and a sky blue tank top. He still couldn’t believe he had ever taken a man like Hank for granted.

Their picnic table was directly in his path, and once he reached the grass he let a rambunctious Rex loose and stopped. Chase responded by walking towards the running dog, his gaze flicking from one to the other until Rex reached him. At least his dog still loved him, but it wasn’t long before his canine curiosity drew him to Dawson.

He watched the friendly interaction before turning his attention back to Hank. Tentatively taking a few more steps, he called out. “Hey, how are you?”

There wasn’t a response until he was a couple of body lengths away. “We were just out biking and—”

“How could you bring him here?” Hank asked, his voice a low hiss.

The venom in his tone startled Chase. “Who? Dawson? He’s a guy from—”

“I know who he is, and I can’t believe you would do such a thing? Sonofabitch… I expected more from you. It’s only been a couple of weeks and—”

“Hold on, Hank. I didn’t know he was going to pull in here. I was following him and—”

Hank returned the favor and cut him off. “So you decided it was okay to rub him in my face?”

Chase didn’t know what was going on, but his anger surged. “Rub him in your face? What the fuck… isn’t that what you did with Kevin in the underground?”

“I never fucked Kevin! He’s my friend.”

Your friend… right. Well, Dawson is mine… wait… Hank? Why do you think we fucked… who the hell do you think he is?”

“What… you think I wouldn’t recognize him?”

“Recognize him? From what? How do you know Dawson?”

“I saw him, remember, with his tongue down your throat and his hands owning your ass? You fucking disgust me.”

“Whoa! Jesus, that’s not”—he turned to look at his new friend—“that’s not him. He’s one of the new paid interns from my work, and I just met him. Why would you think he was… that guy?”

Hank suddenly looked unsure. “He… he sure looks like him. He’s tall like him, with that same wavy hair and the scruff….”

“Seriously?” Chase asked incredulously. “You just described half the men in any bar. I don’t exactly remember what that guy looked like, but I sure as hell know he didn’t look like Dawson.”

He watched the man’s face turn sickly before he spoke. “Okay… okay, maybe I’m wrong, but I would have sworn—”

“Hey, it’s fine… but it’s not him, I swear. I would never do something like that to you. And I’m sorry we stopped here. This is your park now, not mine, but he was so far ahead he couldn’t hear me. He doesn’t know… our story… and he didn’t know I used to live here when he picked this spot. To be honest, my cardio sucks, and I needed the break.”

“No… I overreacted. I never thought you would ever cheat on me, and it’s been goddam tough to deal with… and now… now you’ve already found someone else.”

“Hey, I haven’t found anyone. Dawson is just a friend who asked me if I wanted to go biking. I don’t have many of those left after what I did. And yes, I fucked up when I kissed that guy, but I never cheated on you. I would never do that.”

Hank’s sudden expression change showed he had serious doubts.

“You believe me, don’t you? Now that you’ve had time to think about it?”

Hank’s first response was to call Rex. “How can I? Maybe if you’d come home earlier, but you didn’t.”

“I was trying to figure out—”

“It was five hours, Chase, and believe me, I’ve tried to believe there was a good reason that didn’t involve you screwing that guy, but….”

“You can’t.”

Hank shook his head. “I went back. You weren’t there, and neither was that prick who’d had his hands all over you… and I don’t buy that was a coincidence. And yes, I do remember what he was wearing… that red plaid shirt. I looked everywhere, and both of you were gone.”

“You went back? To the bar?” Chase was stunned. “Why?”

“Good question,” he answered bitterly. “I guess I needed another kick in the teeth.”

“I’m so sorry… I was at our coffee shop, I swear.”

“The whole time? Come on, Chase… give me a little credit.”

“Not the whole time, but for quite a while… I don’t know exactly because I was pretty messed up… you know I can’t handle my booze. I remember taking a cab… and then I walked, and I sat in this park and stared up at the balcony for ages. I was afraid, Hank, but I did not leave with that guy, nor did I fuck him or anyone else.”

Chase barely acknowledged Rex’s sudden presence other than to put his hand on his head and let him nuzzle his fingers. He must have had his pee because Hank leaned down and clipped the leash back on, while he stood there frozen. His ex had his mind made up, and Chase was at a loss for how to convince him. “Hank?”

“Look, it doesn’t matter whether you fucked him or not, or whether I believe you or not… which, quite frankly, I don’t. You seem to have a pretty selective memory, but I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it. It… it didn’t look the way you describe it.” Hurt flashed briefly across his handsome visage, and Chase watched him swallow before he continued with a steel edge to his voice.

“And, this is not my park. You have every right to be here. Say hi to your friend for me… sorry, but I don’t feel like meeting your new intern at the moment, but now I see why you wanted your bike so bad.”

Sarcasm coated every syllable, and Chase quailed at it as he watched him turn and walk away, tugging on a reluctant Rex to keep him moving forward. His parting words were so off the mark, but what could he do? He didn’t want to argue anymore. “Hank?”

The man hesitated before slowly turning around. “What?”

“Are you ever going to want to talk? I’d like to explain why I acted the way I did.”

He stared at Chase for a few seconds before shaking his head. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” Turning away, he strode off, quicker this time. Chase had been dismissed, presumed guilty of something he hadn’t done.

The unfairness hit him hard, just like when he’d picked up his bike. “Say hi to your friend Kevin for me,” he called out, unable to stop himself. Why wouldn’t the man let him explain? Why couldn’t he give him that? He watched Hank’s stride falter before he continued on through the parking lot. Turning, he walked back to the picnic table.

“Wow! That was intense.”

“You heard?”

“Some of it… actually, a lot of it. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have picked this place to stop.”

He shook his head. “No… no… you didn’t know, and I think I needed this to happen. As much as I know it’s over, I’ve still been hoping.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, man. I kept waiting for a phone call from Brent.”

Chase realized he was shaking, and attempted to conceal his anguish. The sympathetic expression on Dawson’s face told him he wasn’t succeeding. “You… you finally got past it?”

“It’s a process, and I’m still in it, so every time my phone rings, yeah, I hold my breath for a second,” he admitted, sounding as vulnerable as those big eyes looked. “You can’t make someone choose you.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that loud and clear, from everybody.”

“So… do you want to tell me about who he thought I was?”

“Oh… uh… yeah, but not here.”

“Feeling pretty raw?” Dawson asked softly, his compassion evident.

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“Okay, let’s get the heck out of here. I wouldn’t mind an iced coffee from Timmy’s, or, we could just head home if you want?”

Chase swallowed down a big lump in his throat. As much as he wanted to hide away and lick his wounds, he had to make an effort for his new friend’s sake. “Timmy’s works.”

 

*

Thanks to my editor, Timothy M., and thanks to all those who read and share their thoughts. Please leave a like on the story page under the story description if you are enjoying the journey. Cheers!
Copyright © 2019 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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4 hours ago, FanLit said:

NICE line!!

I want the same for Dawson, too.

I know, right! :yes:  You guys all keep giving me these insightful gems. :) 

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3 hours ago, jaysalmn said:

I didn't think it was possible, but Hank is getting more unlikable with every chapter. Seriously, why the hell does Chase still even want him after the way he's treated him?? I'd tell Hank to go f*** himself if I were Chase! I felt bad for Hank the first couple of chapters, but it seems its not even about him being hurt anymore. He's just an asshole! I would love for Chase to leave Hank in the dust and move on....maybe with Dawson???

Hey, Jay! I can't blame you for feeling this way about Hank. Chase wants him, first and foremost, because he loves him, and he still blames himself for how the man is acting... but... he is beginning to see it's gone too far. Yes, hank is being an asshole, but I think it is because he is so hurt. His issues with cheating are coloring everything, and there is some merit to that. It's a bloody shame, though, because Chase isn't really a cheater... just an idiot who drank too much to get away from his grief and confusion.

As far as Dawson, I'm glad you like him. We'll see what he will mean as the story progresses. Thanks, buddy... I always look forward to hearing your honest take on things. Cheers... Gary.... :hug: 

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It's been suggested to me in a private message that Chase was not drunk at the time of Hank's proposal.  Well, after a close look at chapters one and two, the picture I'm still getting is that after botching his response to Hank's proposal, Chase ran out onto the dance floor, where he was already too drunk to be making good decisions.  There is no evidence in the text to show that he went to the bar first, although that's what Gary may have intended to imply.  What do you all think?  And Gary, care to comment? 😃

But regardless of that, why did Hank wait so long to follow after Chase and find out what was going on?  According to the text, Chase had time enough to dance, have a definite flirtation, and then work up a need to use the john before Hank decided to track him down.  If Chase had to spend time getting drunk before ending up on the dance floor, that just increases Hank's dawdling time and my perplexity.  I'm also noticing (now) that Hank is already expressing his insistence on never forgiving Chase right there in chapter one.  He further states explicitly that if Chase said no because he wasn't ready to get married yet, that means he'll never want to marry Hank.  So it's beginning to look even more like a frame-up on Hank's part, whether conscious or unconscious.

Another thing worth noting is that Hank feels that kissing someone else is an infidelity worse than having anal sex with the person, whereas in many, many stories on this and other sites characters express the belief that they haven't had sex together or made love until they've had anal sex (or vaginal sex, in the case of straight people)—that orgasms obtained any other way don't count.  I have never understood the logic of that view, but it is prevalent and longstanding, to the point of being used as a defense in a famous presidential impeachment in the U.S.  So why is Hank taking such a contrary position?

(Of course, Jesus Christ taught that merely harboring desire for someone in our heart constitutes adultery, so perhaps Hank is actually on solid theological ground here. 😁)

Edited by BigBen
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3 hours ago, Danners said:

Holy shit.

Hank doesn’t think he’s good enough for Chase and feared Chase would stray like his mom did or leave like his mom did. That (among other reasons like love and devotion) was why Hank stayed strong for him all these years and why he rushed the proposal when it seemed like Chase had overcome his depression. He needed Chase to need him.

 

Hank’s reaction and everything after makes so much sense now.

He was practically waiting for Chase to leave. When the proposal failed and Hank caught Chase smooching Handsy McDuck Lips, that was like telling him he was right. Then, when Chase wasn’t at the bar when he went back and didn’t return home for hours, it confirmed his suspension again. So he kicked him out.

Hank’s stiffness over the phone after Chase got most of his stuff and called about picking up the rest was because he was hurt by Chase’s apparent willingness to move out. Just like his jealousy in the park stemmed from how quickly and easily Chase appeared to have moved on — and with Handsy to boot!

The defensiveness and embarrassment around Kevin and not wanting to see Chase were to avoid looking weak or needy. That’s in addition to being wounded, I mean.

Yep, Hank came face to face with his worst fear but what’s worse is he’s living it: Chase left. He’s so harried by that thought that he won’t — can’t — listen to reason because a) it means he did this to himself and b) it opens him up to being rejected yet again. 

Yeah, that was my thought. Hank never wanted the control, but he had it because Chase needed it from him. I'm not sure if he rushed the proposal or not... maybe, but I suspect he didn't think so... but subconsciously? Possibly. 

"He needed Chase to want to stick around as much as he wanted Chase to need to stick around."

Exactly... couldn't have said it better myself... but then the world broke apart, and here they are. Hank is convinced Chase wants his freedom, and really, is that an illogical thing to believe given what happened. He's not inside Chase's head like we are. 

He only saw the affirmation of his fears. And while he's trying to do what he thinks is the right thing for both of them, it's driving him crazy. He is acting the way he thinks he should more than the way he feels... until today... that was real emotion we saw in that park. No, he didn't want Chase to move out, but he believed it was what Chase needed. And therefore... what Hank needed as well. Now he is dealing with that reality. Don't get me wrong... he didn't break up as a favor to Chase... he was hurt in the worst way possible... especially for a man with his 'cheating' issues.

I also think you make a valid point about how he acted in the underground... like he got caught needing someone. I would add, though, he might have felt guilt over talking about Chase to Kevin of all people.

And yeah, Chase is gone now, and while he thinks Chase is the architect of that, one day he might realize it was him... maybe he's already realizing it... subconsciously again. At any rate, the man's a mess and needs help navigating. Time might help, but it's not always enough. Sometimes we fall too far....

Cheers... Gary. :hug:   

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9 minutes ago, BigBen said:

It's been suggested to me in a private message that Chase was not drunk at the time of Hank's proposal.  Well, after a close look at chapters one and two, the picture I'm still getting is that after botching his response to Hank's proposal, Chase ran out onto the dance floor, where he was already too drunk to be making good decisions.  There is no evidence in the text to show that he went to the bar first, although that's what Gary may have intended to imply.  What do you all think?  And Gary, care to comment? 😃

But regardless of that, why did Hank wait so long to follow after Chase and find out what was going on?  According to the text, Chase had time enough to dance, have a definite flirtation, and then work up a need to use the john before Hank decided to track him down.  If Chase had to spend time getting drunk before ending up on the dance floor, that just increases Hank's dawdling time and my perplexity. 

You know thats a good point why did hank wait so long to chase after his man?

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See, I was under the impression that Hank proposed over dinner and Chase went to get drunk from there. It didn’t make sense for Hank to be waiting for Chase to call him from the same location. That’s what text messages are for. 

I agree with Ben about Hank dawdling. When my ex up and left after a misunderstanding, I gave chase — no pun intended. Hank may have been shocked and upset about his proposal being rejected, but to twiddle his thumbs long enough for Chase to get tanked, dance, flirt, and park it in a stall . . . well, that takes patience to a whole ‘nother level.

Given Hank’s history with adultery and how he blames his mother’s affair for his father’s death*, I understand his initial reaction to Chase’s mistake. Chase betrayed his trust at the worst possible time. By holding on to anger and resentment for over two weeks, by allowing that one mistake obliterate an otherwise great relationship, he showed us he has a few more issues than we’ve been led to believe.

* You let that slip, Gary! The affair was alluded to and his mother leaving, but not the death of Hank’s dad. 

Edited by Danners
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3 hours ago, ColumbusGuy said:

I have to say that Hank isn't endearing himself to me; sure, he needs to deal with his myriad issues before he implodes, but until he begins that process, he's only getting a sad shake of the head from me.

I too believe that the marriage would have fallen apart eventually with the unresolved issues on both sides, so it's better put aside for now.  After 24 years, my parents' self-destructed because both were unwilling to accept any blame.  My mom would yell or fight, my dad would go silent and avoid her....My mom remarried in the late 80s, but never once had any nice words about my dad and would try to get me to come over to her side.  Later, my sisters told me the background, and while the initial fault and infidelity was my mother's, my dad restarting a friendship with his now-widowed second wife wasn't any help.  He moved to Florida to retire with her around 1990.

Dan's comment about 'gaying up' and spilling your secret desires to an old friend may be the 21st century thing to do, but even now it isn't an easy task.  Back when I was a teen, and then in college it was not as open an atmosphere, as I found out the one time I did it.  I had a good friend in college who I liked, and we kept in touch until after I moved to town in '87, and around 1990 I told him I was gay and had liked him, and that was the last I saw or heard from him though he lived only a few miles away.  So, if it's a friend you've had for a long time, especially since your younger days, is it worth risking that or tell the person your feelings?  Think long and hard before deciding, because a real friend is harder to find than someone who might be a future partner.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd rather keep the friend and find love in a different person that you find new joy in discovering.

I don't know if Dawson will become more than a friend for Chase, but you're weaving a complex tapestry that is warping my mind...

:hug:  🐈

 

Hey, CG! I don't know if Hank is going to implode, but he sure does have some issues. I don't think Hank is endearing himself to anyone, but I still feel his pain. He frustrates me with how he is stuck, but you and I both know past experiences are our sidekicks in life, putting their two cents worth in whenever we encounter something that scares us. Hank is scared. He doesn't just doubt Chase... I believe he doubts he is what Chase wants. So yeah, this turned out to be not a good time for marriage. During Christine's long illness, and Chase's depression, I don't think the time was conducive to building their relationship. Something had to give.

I agree about how hard it is for some of us to open up about our orientation, even in today's more enlightened world, and especially in a sports environment. I experienced the same atmosphere you did back in those days, and have heard the stories of younger LGBTQ people who have faced extreme adversity upon coming out. Many still wait until they are far away, at college, like Dawson and Brent did.

You know me well, buddy. Dawson will stay an unknown until he isn't. :P  Not sorry about warping your mind either. :D  Cheers, my dear and kind friend... G-man.... xoxoxo :hug:   

 

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3 hours ago, Danners said:

Aww, I thought “gay man up” was a clever play on words, considering the effeminate stereotype.

I’m sorry to hear about what happened between you and your friend. It’s hard when you bare yourself to anyone, let alone a good friend, and have them reject you for something that nowadays is a non-issue. The 80s and 90s, man. Woof. We joke about “gay panic” but it was really, truly a thing when I was growing up and when you were in college. Played a big part in why I isolated myself in my teens.

Potentially opening a can of worms, I have to ask how good a friend can be if they don’t know the real you. I’d rather risk saying “I’m gay and I like you, but it’s cool if you don’t feel the same way” because it clears the air. If the friendship survives, hopefully it’s stronger because nothing gets left unsaid. (We can more this to private message if necessary.)

Like with Hank and Chase, having unresolved issues can break any relationship. If they’d discussed engagement, Chase’s guilt and Hank’s unworthiness would’ve most likely come up. There — tied it in to the discussion! Woohoo!

It was clever, and I got your point. That would have been ideal, but peer pressure in a sports environment can wreak havoc on your conviction to be yourself. :) 

Sometimes it's not about what the friend feels and how he reacts... it can be just as much about how we see our self, or how we will see our self if we get rejected. For some of us, it is incredibly complicated, even though it shouldn't be. Gay panic... that's a great term. :yes: 

LOL... yes, you tied it in. Woot woot! I will bring out attention to the title of this chapter... it's bad timing to try to build a relationship around depression, illness, and grief... Hank and Chase needed breathing room... and those discussions you mention. :yes:  Sadly, timing played it's part. :hug: 

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2 hours ago, Brokenbind said:

There is something immature about Hank's reaction.  Unresolved and dark, as if not entirely revealed.  I think there is more back-story to discover yet.  

 

Hey, Brokenbind. You're right, and I might go so far as to say their whole relationship needed maturing. And yes, you are correct that there is lots more to reveal... we are only just getting into the meat of this story. :)  Thanks for sharing, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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2 hours ago, BigBen said:

Wow!  This was intense.  Hank is obviously consumed with jealousy, which, the popular romantic view notwithstanding, is a sign of immaturity and insecurity, not of love.  In fact, it is very hard for love and jealousy to co-exist, as each tends to crowd out the other.

Hank knows he is being unfair to Chase about Dawson, or he wouldn't have reacted the way he did to Chase's parting shot.  The remark that it doesn't even matter whether Chase had sex with the guy in the bar or not reveals that he doesn't care about the truth; he is invested in having Chase be in the wrong.

In fact, Hank's remarks are so over the top that I now suspect that he has either been unfaithful to Chase, or would like to be, and can't handle the guilt arising from that.  Else why would he have chosen to propose marriage to Chase at the precise moment Chase was too drunk to give his valid consent?  Was Hank himself drunk as well, I wonder?

The notion that Hank needs Chase to be dependent on him has merit, and it makes sense that he would react badly now that Chase is growing strong enough to fend for himself.  It was a real pleasure to see Chase responding to Hank's vituperation with maturity and calm.  What a contrast to his immature panic when Hank proposed!  (I suppose not being drunk helped quite a bit, there.)

Hey, Ben! Yes, it was intense. There was one hell of a lot of emotion coming from Hank. I'm not sure he's ever been jealous before, but seeing Chase with Dawson, after the bathroom stall scene, sure as hell set him off. Jealousy can be ugly, but it is a very human emotion. Hell, even my dog gets jealous. :)  I'm also not sure Hank can separate his emotions right now.

Yes, I think realized he was being unfair, after he found out who Dawson really was, but he's in that mind frame. I would say it appears he's spiraling. Nothing is going right for him. He's made a fool of himself twice in the last couple of days, yet he feels he's the injured party. I don't think it's so much he doesn't want to hear the truth... he saw enough with his won eyes to have his trust broken... now he chooses not to believe anything Chase says, and we can all see how sad and destructive that is. 

I will go back and check to see if the confusion is my fault, but I can tell you Chase was not drunk when Hank proposed. I apologize for not making that clear enough. Neither man was drinking at that point. They were having dinner at home, and after Chase turned down the proposal, he took off, and went to a dance bar. We don't have the whole story as yet, and I can't say anything more, but the sequence of events will eventually make sense. I agree Hank's remarks were over the top, but I attribute that to his state of mind. You know that old saying... be careful what you wish for... well, Hank ended their relationship, and now he's struggling to handle the emotional impact of his decision.

As I said in a previous reply... yes, there was dependency in the relationship, because Chase needed it, but it doesn't mean Hank wanted control. He had it, but most importantly, I think he's convinced himself, because of Chase's actions, that Chase wants something different now. He really doesn't need him anymore, and that probably means, to Hank, that Chase doesn't want him anymore. He said as much in the first chapter. Is it rational? Depends on how we look at it. :) 

Immature panic is a perfect description of Chase's reaction to the proposal, so great point about the difference in him from then to now. Thanks for the great comment, my friend... my eyes are going to fall out of their sockets... time for bed. :)  Cheers... Gary.... :hug:  

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54 minutes ago, Headstall said:

Hank is convinced Chase wants his freedom, and really, is that an illogical thing to believe given what happened. He's not inside Chase's head like we are. 

He only saw the affirmation of his fears. And while he's trying to do what he thinks is the right thing for both of them, it's driving him crazy. He is acting the way he thinks he should more than the way he feels... until today... that was real emotion we saw in that park. No, he didn't want Chase to move out, but he believed it was what Chase needed. And therefore... what Hank needed as well. Now he is dealing with that reality. Don't get me wrong... he didn't break up as a favor to Chase... he was hurt in the worst way possible... especially for a man with his 'cheating' issues.

Hank deluding himself into thinking that this is what Chase wanted is troubling because it means he ignored all the times Chase begged for forgiveness or asked about getting back together. It also means someone reaffirmed that belief. Someone like Kevin. (Gimme a pitchfork; I need a villain!)

I hope today’s raw emotion uncorks Hank’s true desires and allows him to question why he’s acting this way. Maybe then he’ll be able to consider everything Chase told him or, better yet, make him want to know the whole story. 

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2 hours ago, Wesley8890 said:

I think this story might have the most well thought out, and insightful comments I have ever seen. 

I agree, maybe even more so than Exes and Ohs. :D  You guys are keeping me on my toes. :worship:  

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29 minutes ago, Headstall said:

I will go back and check to see if the confusion is my fault, but I can tell you Chase was not drunk when Hank proposed. I apologize for not making that clear enough. Neither man was drinking at that point. They were having dinner at home, and after Chase turned down the proposal, he took off, and went to a dance bar.

Ah, see, I didn't pick up on that.  In my mental picture, they had plenty of wine at dinner before the proposal, and the dance floor was part of the restaurant.  I just assumed dinner out, since people generally make a production out of proposing, and dinner at home seems insufficiently romantic.  Well, you know what happens when we assume . . . 😁

 

ETA—Now, were I in Chase's place, I'd have gone for a walk in the park to think things over.  Leaving the house to run off to a disco seems like a very strange reaction.  But that's just me.

Edited by BigBen
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