The Unfortunate Occurence at Shenandoah High 2020 - 4. Chapter 4

The following Monday, Keisha, Andy and I walk into the auditorium to find Leah, literally, bouncing off the walls.

“I am so not in the mood,” Keisha groans as we walk towards the stage. “Please make her stop.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Andy whispers. “Unless we kill her.”

“I have a shovel,” Keisha says as we take our place in the circle. “And a huge backyard.”

“Oh my god, you guys,” Leah screeches as she rushes over to the three of us. She’s wearing this pink, furry jacket and a leather skirt. I feel bad for the poor Muppet that suffered and died unnecessarily to be a part of such a heinous outfit. I’m fashionably-illiterate and even I know this is … bad. Really bad.

“You’re at a ten,” Jon-Jon speaks up from the other side of the circle. “Can you be at like a minus three?”

Leah looks over her shoulder and tosses him an icy look before looking back over at the three of us.

“Sheldon has finished the play,” she announces.

I look over at Sheldon who is sitting between Nick and Finn. My gaze drifts over to Finn who is looking down at his phone. As if he feels my eyes on him, he looks up and shoots me the dopiest grin. His dimples could actually bring world peace. Keisha elbows me in the side. She leans in close to my ear.

“You’re salivating and it’s disgusting,” she says.

I quickly swipe the back of my hand across my mouth and hang my head in shame.

“Sheldon, why don’t you share with us your vision for the musical,” Leah says taking her seat between Andy and Finn.

Sheldon reaches into his backpack and removes a stack of papers. He slowly stands up and moves towards the center of the circle. He’s wearing a dark-purple button down and a pair of gray pants which hug his thighs perfectly. Now that he’s standing, I didn’t realize he’s so tall. I mean I knew he was tall but now he seems like a giant. I lean over and whisper in Keisha’s ear.

“Remember Winston Duke in Us?” I ask.

“I was thinking the same thing,” she whispers back.

“So – Sheldon’s pretty hot.”

She shrugs her shoulder and says, “Yeah – he’s got this dorky hot thing going on for him. But you know I like a rude boy. He’s too nice.”

“Maybe you need too nice.”

“Babe – don’t you know me? I’m not satisfied unless a little pain and suffering is involved. After all, is it really love if you haven’t thrown a plate at them?”

Leah shoots the two of us a dirty look and mouths for us to be quiet and now I’m fearing for her life because I know exactly where that shovel is in Keisha’s garage.

Sheldon holds up the papers in his hands and says, “Last night I put the finishing touches on the musical we will perform in October. I have spent the last several days observing you and trying to write characters that align with who you already are since some of you have already intimated that you have limitations when it comes to acting and singing.”

“Am I going to have to wear a dress?” Jon-Jon asks. “Because I’m not shaving my legs. Not again.”

“Um, well – there will be no gender swapping … maybe I should just explain what the musical is about. As yet, I haven’t come up with a title but each of you will be playing a notorious killer.”

I look over at Nick and we exchange bemused looks.

“I have assigned each of you a serial killer so I will go over those now.”

Leah’s sitting on the edge of her seat. If she was anymore excited I think she’d have a stroke – which would make a lot of us happy.

“I’m going to go in alphabetical order,” Sheldon says. “Andy Fennocchio, you will be playing the infamous Jack the Ripper.”

A huge grin spread across Andy’s face.

“Awesomesauce,” he says. “Guess I better start working on my British accent.”

Sheldon turns to Finn and says, “Finn, you’ll be playing H.H. Holmes.”

Finn’s brow furrows. “Who’s that?”

“He was this guy who built this huge “castle” and he used it to kill a lot of people,” I say.

Keisha looks over at me and asks, “How’d you know that?”

“Remember how you refused to watch the Hotel season of American Horror Story because the guy had the drill-bit for a penis and tried to rape Schmidt from New Girl? Well, I finished the season and Evan Peters played this guy named James Patrick March who is based on H.H. Holmes.”

“We do watch way too much television,” Keisha says.

“Jon-Jon,” Sheldon continues, “You’ll be playing the infamous Ted Bundy.”

“Hell fucking yeah,” Jon-Jon says clapping his hands together. “Wasn’t he like hot and shit?”

“Yes,” Leah said. “He was known for being good-looking. I guess you’ll really have to act.”

“Shade,” Andy whispers under his breath.

I look over at Jon-Jon who is frowning. He doesn’t say anything which is so un-Jon-Jon.

“Next up is Keisha,” Sheldon says with a slight smile on his face. “You’re going to play Aileen Wuornos.”

“The woman Charlize Theron played in Monster?” Keisha asks. “She was hideous … no shade.”

“Yeah,” Sheldon says. “The makeup department is gonna have to work overtime because there ain’t a thing ugly on you.”

Keisha smirks. “Facts are facts.”

“Leah – you’re going to be Lizzie Borden,” Sheldon says. “Of course you already know that since you begged me to let you be her. Okay, and Nick you’ll be playing the “Night Stalker” himself, Richard Ramirez.”

I look over at Nick and say, “If you don’t know anything about him, he was featured in two seasons of American Horror Story.”

Nick nods and looks down at the ground.

“Last but certainly not least,” Sheldon says. “Tristan, you’ll be playing Andrew Cunanan …”

“The guy who murdered Versace?” Keisha and I say at the same time.

“Oh, no,” I say. “Isn’t it too soon? Versace hasn’t even been gone that long.”

“Yeah we just watched the show on FX,” Keisha says.

“This play is all about presenting just the facts,” Sheldon says. “It’s not meant to disrespect any of the victims whether they be unknown or in your case, Tristan, one of the most famous fashion designers of all time.”

“Well,” I say. “As long as it’s respectful.”

Sheldon nods and smiles at me. “Now that we have your roles have been assigned we’re going to do a read-thru of the play. The play starts with Finn and ends with Tristan.”

I feel my face go hot and I instantly look at the floor to avoid anyone’s gaze.

“Okay,” Sheldon says as he begins to pass out copies of the script. “Let’s get started.”