Fourth Down - 10. Chapter 10

“I know you guys love me,” I say to him. “I am very lucky to have you guys in my life. I… I just don’t think that anyone would want me as their boyfriend.”

Dale then leans in closer, his lips just lightly touching my own.

“I think you misunderstood me when I said I loved you,” he tells me. “Not only do I love you, I also want to be your boyfriend. If you’ll have me that is.”

“You do?” I say, somewhat shocked at his revelation.

“Yea, but I don’t think us jumping into a relationship just yet would be a good idea.”

“Oh.” I say, feeling like I was being rejected before anything started. “Why won’t it be a good idea?” I ask. “I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

“Cause, I don’t think you’re ready.”

“I’m not?” I ask. He says he wants to be with me, yet at the same time, not. I am so very confused right now.

Something on my face must have shown my inner thoughts, as Dale then pulled me into him, stroking my back in a way that calmed my nerves.

“No, I don’t think you are. Especially after what happened in the showers today.” he says gently.

“I’m ok now.” I try to reassure him.

He just strokes my hair, while looking into my eyes, with a sad smile on his lips. “No, you’re not ok.”

Tears form in my eyes. He’s right, I am not ok. Will I ever be ok ever again? Will this stop us from ever being together?

Dale pulls my head towards him. Pressing his lips to my forehead. “It’s ok, you will be ok. We are always gonna be there for you no matter what, ok? Me especially.”

“How am I gonna be ok?” I ask, feeling so very lost.

“Talk to your psychologist, tell her what you’re feeling. She is trained to help you. Also, try not to be too hard on yourself. You’re just fresh out of the hospital, and you’re still recovering from what happened to you.”

Feeling a little relieved, and filled with a little hope for the future, I lean towards him to steal a kiss from him, letting it linger a little longer than before.

“Thanks.” I say to him after releasing his wonderful lips.

“Anytime.” he yawns, “now let's get some sleep”

It took me very little time falling asleep in Dale’s arms. He really made me feel safe.

***

Sunday was spent at Dale’s, just relaxing and catching up on the shows I had missed. I asked Dale if we should not be studying, to which he had said that after the past few weeks, some down time would be good. Evan and Madox came over to hang out sometime that afternoon, which was then spent playing some Mortal Kombat. I still kick ass with Mileena.

Monday morning left me feeling anxious. It was to be my return to classes. How would my professors react to me being back, with all the school work I had missed out on? How would the other students feel about my return? Would they ignore me? Would they make fun of me for being so weak? Or would they pity me? I wasn’t too sure which would have been better. I was kinda hoping they would ignore me, and let me get on.

Turned out I didn’t have to be too worried, with the professors that is. The students on the other hand...

Monday and Tuesday were somewhat ok, the worst I got were a few students who were clearly whispering about me, which I tried to ignore. On Wednesday, however, I had just sat down in my seat when another guy in my class dropped a dog collar on my desk.

“Thought you looked a little naked without your collar,” he sniggered.

My vision soon became blurry from the tears that decided now would be a good time to make an appearance, causing the guy and his mob of friends to laugh at me even harder.

“Hey Dickbag!” I heard Dale yell from beside me. “You forgot something!” He then hurled the collar at the guy hitting him square in the face. His nose began to bleed due from getting struck by the metal buckle.

“Mr Winters, and friends,” said the Professor from the front of the room. “If you could please, stop bothering Mr McIntosh, and take your things, and vacate my classroom. That would be greatly appreciated.”

“But, sir? It was just a joke.” Winters tried to argue.

“Did I stutter?” Asked the Professor, removing his glasses. “I said ‘OUT’!” He yelled, pointing towards the door.

The guys then just glared at me, as they gathered their things, then proceeded to head out of the room.

“Assholes.” I heard a few people mutter.

After class, Professor Walsh held me back. “Are you ok?” He asked me.

“I’m fine, Sir. Thanks.”

“Good. Just know that what happened earlier will not be tolerated. And if you need anything from us, just let us know.” he tells me.

“Thanks, Sir. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Very little happened the rest of the week, other than Winters coming up to me to apologise. He said he didn’t realise how bad it really was for me. Turns out his girlfriend ripped him a new one, and he felt like shit for thinking what he had done would be even remotely funny.

I also had two physio and psychologist appointments that week. I told my Psychologist in one of those appointments about what Dale had said that Saturday night.

“That’s good.” She said. “He’s clearly taking your needs seriously.”

“He is?” I ask.

“Yes. A new relationship could have adverse effects on your recovery, and set you back even further.”

We spoke more on what Dale and I talked about, as well as what happened in the showers. She said I might be suffering from PTSD, and that with her help, I should be able to manage it.

***

It had been three weeks since Madox and I broke up. In that time I was feeling lost. It was hard moving out. I still loved Madox, yet he did not want me around. Said my views were bigoted and toxic. How are my views bad, when everything these people do, go against nature. Fortunately, Vicky had a spare room which she offered me. She was my only remaining friend, even though our views clashed, she didn’t rush to kick me to the curb.

After Hunter told me he was gay, I felt sorry for him. Clearly this is how they turn straight guys. Locking them away from their loved ones and forcing themselves onto them. Slowly stripping away their morality, and taking them further away from what nature intended, Men and Women. Everyone knows that gays only want sex. They can’t have a proper relationship, cause one based on sex never works. Vicky has tried telling me that that is not true, and that gays don’t choose to be gay, but I don’t know. I’m pretty sure her mind has been messed up with all that gay crap she fills her head with. Seriously, she has a bookshelf full of that crap.

The past few weeks have been spent not really spying, just keeping an eye on Evan. I can already see them getting closer. Little touches here, lingering looks there. It’s just a matter of time before Evan is going to do to Madox what Mayson did to Hunter. I will not allow that to happen.

Luck must be on my side today. I was in a quiet section of the library, when I happened to find Madox, sitting alone. Ok... I followed him in.

“Hey Madox.” I say, as I put my hand on his big shoulder.

“Olivia.” there didn’t seem to be much warmth in his voice, but I’ll soon change that.

“How are you” I ask, stroking the back of his neck.

“Good.” he says, moving his neck away from my hand, pushing his chair away from the table, about to get up.

Taking my chance, I straddle his hips. “I’ve missed you.” I say as I grind my crotch into his. Knowing exactly which buttons to press.

He places his hands on my hips and stops me, “Stop it Olivia.”

“What? Being in public hasn’t stopped us before.” I say, then I place one of my hottest kisses on him, to remind him what he is missing.

Suddenly I am shoved to the floor. “Fuck Olivia!” He hisses at me. “Do you have any idea what you just did?”

My vision becomes cloudy due to the tears that have formed in my eyes. “What do you mean?” I ask, “I was just trying to remind you what you had.”

“Remind me? Fuck, Olivia, you just sexually assaulted me.”

I just gape at him. “Men can’t be sexually assaulted.” I say

“Really?” he asks, “Then pray tell what happened to Hunter not even two months ago.”

“Some crazed person convinced him he was gay, and forced him into an abusive relationship.”

“Olivia, you know that is not true. Hunter has always been gay, if you had noticed anything, you would have seen just how in love he is with Dale. Mayson found out and took advantage of him being in the closet. He then blackmailed him and sexually assaulted him, just like you tried with me, but without the blackmail.”

I felt sick, as realisation of what I had just done hit me. “I’m sorry.” I sobbed and ran home.

Vicky found me a few hours later, ugly crying on my bed.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

“I tried to rape Madox!” I sobbed.

“Now why would you do something so horrible?” She gently asks.

“I don’t know... I just wanted him back. I miss him so much.”

“I know.” she says, rubbing small circles on my back

“And I see him and Evan getting closer, he will never be happy in that sort of relationship.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Cause guys only choose to be gay when they are not getting enough sex.” I say to her.

“You know that is not true.”

“It is though. Madox is going to be unhappy.” I wail.

Vicky just gets up, leaves my room and returns a few moments later with a book.

“Here, I want you to read this.” She says as she hands the book over to me.

The cover depicted two topless muscular men holding each other, titled ‘Holding the Man by Timothy Conigrave’. “I am not going to read one of your gay sex books.” I say to her, trying to hand back the book.

“It’s not a ‘sex book’,” she says, pushing the book back on to me, ”It is the memoir of an Australian Playwrite, just read it, for me.”

With that she left me in my room. I just glared at the offensive thing sitting on my nightstand. Try as I might that night I just could not sleep, with the feelings of guilt at what I had done to Madox, and fearing what his future may hold. Rolling over for the umpteenth time, my eyes fall on that book. So feeling like I had nothing better to do, I grabbed it and opened to the first chapter.

A few days later I burst into Vicky’s room, crying my eyes out.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as she pulled me into a hug, trying to console me.

“They died!!” I sobbed into her shoulder.

“Who died?” she asked, clearly confused.

“Timothy and John!”

“You read the book?”

I just nodded my head.

“So what did you think?” she asked as I calmed down.

“It was beautiful. They really loved each other.”

“They did. Do you see now that gay people can love each other, and it is not just about sex to them?”

All I could do was nod my head. “But Madox isn’t gay, though.”

“No he’s not.” She then grabbed her laptop and sent me a link. “This is one of my favorite Thai dramas. This might help explain pan-sexuallity a bit better.”

“Is there sex?” I ask her, while I was more accepting of gay people now, the sex scenes in the book were... rather graphic, not sure I could handle actually seeing it, or at least just yet.

“No,” she laughs, “The production company has put the entire show on YouTube. So people outside of Thailand can enjoy it, and yes there are subtitles.”

I looked at the link she sent me, it was to a playlist for a show called ‘Sotus’. “How is this supposed to help me understand people who are pan?” I ask.

“Well neither of the main guys are actually gay, they just end up falling for each other, and it is rather sweet.”

That night I ended up binging the entire first season, and found that there was a second season so I watched that too. Both the book and the TV show helped me understand what Hunter, Dale, Evan, and Madox were going through. I really felt ashamed for how I acted around them, and the things I said. Hopefully, they will find it in their hearts to forgive me, especially Madox.

Before going to bed I sent him a text, all it said was “Sorry”.

Thank you for reading Chapter 10. I hope you all enjoyed it and a special thanks to a friend of mine who has helped clean up the errors I missed