For Everything You Were - 15. Confronting the Lies, Hammering Home My Destiny

Trevor dropped me off out of sight of my home, but close enough, so I didn't have to walk far. Admittedly I had said I was going to walk, but he insisted he drop me back. With my phone in my hand, I'd been checking it often, and sure enough, the calls and texts were now in full flow by my family and Cody. I knew walking out would bring questions, but I needed to make a stand: all the lies, the deception. Of course, I had it all worked out, so I now knew where I stood, but the feelings of misplaced trust was palpable.

Where was my family I knew gone? I mean, in a sense, the people I lived in America with, hell, even grew up with. I mean, what the hell was all this. Was my being at University so important? It seemed trivial to the lengths they had gone to. Or was it my Diabetes? Was it mum's plan to keep me in sight for the rest of her days just to see me stay on top of my disease?

As I approached my front door, I half expected one of them to be curtain-twitching for my return, but at least this time, I could get the key in the door and walk in before any drama happening. The door opened and lightly knocked onto the inner wall as I made my way in, and I just about got it closed before mum came marching up to me.

"Where the hell have you been?"

I walked straight past her and upstairs into her bedroom, noticing the picture was gone from her bedside table.

"Figures," I mumbled, turning to come back out. But she pushed me back into the room and closed the door. "Find it did he?"

Mum walked over to the window and looked down; I assumed, checking that dad's car wasn't there in the driveway below.

"He's out with Cody looking for you, you know. Jake, how could you?"

"What have I done?" I asked innocently.

"Listen, I really don't know what you were trying to achieve with that picture, and I don't care. But please don't punish your father."

"Why, what's in the picture he should be worried about. Dad, you and Colin Jones were good friends when I was a baby, for all I know. But that's not the case, is it? It's just another tangle to this massive web you and dad have constructed. But this strand, I'm going to assume he did not construct."

"Jake, please. It was a long time ago. Have you seen Trevor?"

"Thought you didn't know where the picture came from?"

"I… I just remembered about the picture."

I gave my mum a sideway glance and shook my head. "Do you know I'm not even angry, mum? In fact, I actually feel redeemed because, for a time, I thought I was going mad. So much was happening, and I thought at one point I was in one of Agatha Christie's novels. Because the last thing on my radar… the last thing I thought could possibly happen is that my own parents would utterly deceive me."

Mum laughed nervously and tapped me on the arm. "Oh, now what has silly Trevor been telling you. I'm sure I can myth bust most of it."

I shot my hand up between our faces. "Stop! Mum, just please stop. I've had enough."

Mum folded her arms and nodded. "It was all for you, you know. We were just trying to protect you, your dad and me."

"But that's the thing, mum. He is not even my dad, is he?"

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about? Of course, he's your father; he brought you up… with me. We, as a married couple. We did everything by the book."

"Apart from creating me?" I asked, raising a brow at her.

"Right, this is silly. What has Trevor said?"

"What does it matter? I know the truth, all of it."

"Well, go on then?"

"What?"

"You said you knew the truth. So let's hear it."

"Hmm, are you sure you don't want to wait until dad is home? So I can tell him how you have both strung me along?"

"He doesn't know!" She blurted out suddenly, going to the window again.

"I know, he doesn't. So it's true then?"

Mum broke down in tears and sat on my bed. I went and sat next to her. Despite what she had done, and despite me struggling to understand, I hated seeing her cry. I always did.

"We, we were going through issues, and I loved him so much… love him. I think I loved him more than you love Ethen. But we had issues, yes, I'll admit."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because we didn't want you to have the burden of knowing those issues when you were growing up. As responsible parents, we tried to keep all our disagreements away from you. Besides, all these issues were happening before you were born."

I looked at mum before getting the tissues I kept in my cupboard for… well, for many things. I handed her the box and, again, sat down with her.

"I have to ask? If you loved him so much, why did you have an affair with Colin Jones?"

"His name is Mike, well, Michael Dove. Not Colin Jones. And, erm, your dad and I were going through some issues which we thought were down to me. Your dad wanted a child… children so much, and it caused friction between us. Colin… I mean Mike, well, he um, he was there. You know to listen to my problems. He offered advice, and I supposed he sucked me in."

"So you take no responsibility, no?"

"Wow, you have grown up," she said, looking at me and stroking my cheek. "Yes, of course, I do. I hate the fact I went behind dad's back. But…."

"No, mum, there cannot be any buts in a situation like this."

"No, no, you're right."

"So, as I now know, Trevor appeared to solve all your problems, right?"

Mum sniffed before nodding slowly. "As soon as your dad found out I was pregnant, it really was like a huge rock was lifted from our relationship. At the same time, it felt like getting pregnant had just reignited a burning love between us."

"Mum, I get it, I really do. But that's your past. I really understand that part from what you and Trevor have told me. But, what I really need to understand is why you and dad, and in some respects Cody, have done the unthinkable. I say unthinkable because the means you and dad have gone to stop me seeing Ethen is just… it's just, well, unthinkable."

Mum sighed and looked away from me for a moment. "The truth is…."

"Oh, so it's the truth now, is it? Like all the other times. Like, for example, Ethen being a spy?"

"We… we thought he was?"

"Really, mum. Are we still doing this? You had an affair with Colin, and you knew Ethen. A seventeen-year-old guy with no education and who lived in a tiny village in the middle of the desert? C'mon, mum, let's not do this."

Just as mum was about to speak, we both heard the front door open, and mum got up off my bed.

"We can't find him anywhere," I heard dad call out.

"It's… it's fine, Alan, he came home, he's here!"

I heard two sets of footsteps running up the stairs before dad and Cody burst into my room.

"Jake, for god sake, what are you playing at?"

"Yeah, Jake, I came back from putting the shower on, and you were gone. What the fuck, man?"

"Cody, please don't swear… Look, Alan, Cody. The main thing is, Jake is home and safe. I think as a family, we have had enormous upheaval. So let's be calm."

"Jake, you can't do these disappearing acts. It's not on," dad said firmly.

I put my hand up and waved it down. "I'm sorry, I just had to get out and save my sanity. After all the lies you have both put me through, you'll understand, right, dad?"

Dad looked at mum, before setting his sight back on me. "Cody, can we have a minute, please?" Dad said, looking behind at Cody. Cody looked at me and pulled a face before backing out of the room. Dad closed the door.

"Well, this is cosy," I said, looking at my dad.

"Son, I dunno where this chip on your shoulder has come from, but it stops now. This is so unlike you."

"And it's so unlike you two to spin enough lies to rival Harold Shipman. So let me tell YOU the truth, shall I?"

Dad looked at mum, and I saw her shrug. I looked at her too, and her face told me she wasn't opposed to me speaking. Of course, I knew which part I had to avoid. After all, I'd been thinking about what Trevor said.

"So?" Dad said, waiting.

"The truth is that in an effort to keep me here, away from Ethen, for whatever your motives were, you have been lying to me for a long time. For the record, I was hoping you could tell me what the motive is after I have finished. So, Ethen is not a spy; the police saga was a hoax… but well played, dad, you would make an excellent actor. Such passion as I was being hauled away by your mates." I started to do a slow clap but then stopped. I could beads of sweat beginning to form around my dad's cheeks as I spoke.

"What else?" he said abruptly.

"You deliberately fed me lies about Ethen being a spy so that I would hopefully give up on him. When that didn't work, you made it, so I missed my flight to be with him. He had to leave because he feared Colin was the bogyman when really Colin just wants to control Ethen and wants money back. You also lied to me about Ethen's death because you knew all along. I'm not sure if mum ever knew, perhaps I'll never know, but…."

"I promise you. I didn't know until later, Jake." Mum said passionately.

"Well, forgive me, mum, if your promises don't hold much weight. If the truth is known, I now look at you and wonder who you both are when I found all this out. So Friday, I am getting on a plane, and I am going to be with Ethen. He is the person I am in love with, and it's my life."

"Are you finished?" my dad said, looking stern,

"Not really, but I guess, for now," I replied, looking at my mum.

"Jake, your mother's promises to you are genuine, and she has a good track record of keeping them, so don't be so disrespectful. Second, everything we have ever done is with your best interests at heart."

"Dad, you don't seem to understand the madness you and mum have conjured up. When I was at school, I can't think of any kids whose parents had done anything as crazy to them as you've done to me. I mean, dad, I know you work for MI6, and you're used to making up crazy scenarios, probably. But this, what you've done to me. It's surprising I'm not in therapy."

"Darling, as your dad said, we were just thinking of you. We just don't want you to make a mistake."

"If I make a mistake, mum, that's on me. At least I would have made it by choice. I don't want to be controlled like this. In some ways, you two are no better than Mike… I mean Colin Jones."

"Who is Mike?" my dad asked. I just gave him a look that said, 'really?'

"So, I'm going Friday. After everything you have done, I'm still going."

"Why are you telling us," my mum asked.

"Well, you're still my parents. So I'd like to go with your blessing if possible."

Dad shook his head. "No, no, sorry, Jake. I think you are mad. Going off to a foreign country with no higher education, little money, and to see a guy you have known, all told, mere months? I still think you have lost your mind. So forgive me... and your mother if we did everything we did to stop this madness."

"I'm eighteen in four months. Dad, I'm going. If not now, then when I'm eighteen."

My dad shook his head, seething, and walked out after opening the door. He didn't say anything as he almost took Cody out on the landing who'd obviously been listening. Cody came into the room looking sad. Mum got up and went after my dad, leaving us both alone. To be honest, I could have done without the next wave of crap about to hit me.

"You okay?" I asked, trying out a smile.

"I heard everything. What the fuck?"

"Tell me about it. So go on then, let's hear it?"

"Hear what?"

"Don't you want to shout at me, tell me I'm mad, tell me I'm a heartless, cruel person?"

Cody jumped on my bed and shuffled up to the headboard, slapping the empty side next to him. I huffed and climbed into the space he'd gestured with his hand.

"What?" I asked as he looked at me, smirking.

"You know what I love about you?" Cody asked, keeping his smirk firmly on his mouth.

"I'm gullible?"

"Well yeah, but what I really love is that you never give up on what you want. It's like you've turned into some kind of detective."

"Don't you want to talk about Ethen?"

"You're going to fly out to…."

"Egypt? I helped him out."

"On Friday?"

"Yep, and now, do I get the temper tantrum?"

"Nope?"

"Why not?"

"Cos, I'm going on my own little trip, I found out."

"Huh?"

"Luke's family have invited me for Christmas."

My eyes went wide, and a small smile appeared on my face. "Nevada? You're going back to America?"

"Yep, I found out today. While your dad and me were out looking for you, actually."

"Wow, that is great news! But, Cody, erm…. How are you paying for this?"

"I'm putting in two hundred. Luke is putting in a few hundred, and his parents have agreed to pay the rest."

"Cody, I am so pleased for you. I know how much you missed… ahhh, man, give me a hug!"

I put my arms out, and Cody leaned on his side, and we hugged tightly. "Still got almost four months to wait, though."

"Well, it's something awesome to look forward to, right?"

"Yeah, I can't remember the last thing I had to look forward to, so yeah, it's great."

"So erm, uh…."

"How do I feel about you leaving… again?"

"Yeah."

"You know Jake. It's like I said earlier. You have a determination to carry things on with Ethen. I've seen what you will do to get what you want. If I'm being honest… like really honest, as your best friend…."

"Yes?"

"I just don't think I could ever really trust you. You have let me down so many times, and being in a relationship with you would be a mental torcher."

"Huh, why?"

"Because I have seen first hand… more than once what happens when Ethen turns up. It's like I'm a Christmas toy you just drop when the next present is handed to you. I'm just convenient when you need me, need sex or need emotional support. I don't want to live with that fear, Jake."

"Well, that was direct, but I respect your honesty."

"Good, because I feel like you are actually listening to me now. And you need to know how you impact guys, Jake. Most days, I woke up with a horrible knot in my stomach, never knowing when you would just disown me, drop me and stuff like that."

"I know, Cody. I've been a fucking cruel asshole. I've been blind to others' feelings. There is no excuse for that. The only explanation I can give is because of the constant lies I was getting from people."

"I know, Jake."

"And you… I almost forgot. You were fucking informing the Police about where Ethen was. And LUKE!"

"Jake, everyone has been desperate to keep you here, it looks like. I guess I was desperate too. I didn't want you to go. Mostly because I wanted us to try again. But also, and genuinely I thought you were making a fucking stupid decision. I don't trust Ethen. And yeah, I know you do, but nothing ever changes on a person because dudes are dudes. I worry he'll eventually get bored of you and then fuck you off."

"As I said to mum and dad, If I do make a massive mistake, or it all goes wrong, or he goes with another guy, or… or fucking whatever. Whatever happens, will have been a making of my own choice. But having my life steered in some particular direction is not fucking on Cody. I want to make my own mistakes and lead my own life.

"Yeah, man, I get it."

"Anyway, I got some stuff to tell you, but you gotta keep it to yourself."

"Of course, hey, I have many secrets about you I've kept over the years."

"Like what?"

"Just tell me already!"

"Dad, downstairs?"

"What about him?"

"Well, erm, I found out he's not actually my dad. Well, he is, but I mean in a biological sense."

"WHAT?"

"Shhhhh, keep your voice down."

"Yeah, sorry. But Jake, what the fuck. I mean, how do you feel about that, and how did you find out?"

I laughed. "Hey, one question at a time. I found out from my real dad, Trevor."

"Trevor… you mean your dad's boss Trevor?"

"Uh-huh."

"But… but…."

"We met up. Hence why I know all this shit, including how mum and dad were lying to me."

"So why did he tell you all this stuff?"

"Uh, duh. Cos, he's my dad. And how do I feel about that? Well, strangely, it didn't freak me out that much. Once I knew the story about how it happened, I was sort of cool with it."

"You were coo… what the fuck? I feel more bothered than you do. And how do you know Trevor is not just making this up?"

"Well, good question. Apparently, he did a DNA test, but mum admitted it before you and dad got back, so it was pretty obvious to me it had to be true."

"And your dad… I mean, Alan?"

"He's still my dad, and he must never know."

"And you're okay with that?" Cody asked, screwing his face up.

I shrugged. "In my mind, nothing has changed. He's still the same man who loved me and took me to the fayre and came to my nativity plays."

"I guess."

"Anyway, all this talking has made me hungry."

"I'm always hungry."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "C'mon, let's go eat."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ethen I know okay, look it's just so good to hear your voice, let's not have this conversation now. I'll be with you soon and will explain."

"I gotta go. I have another call coming through." Ethen suddenly said.

"Got a new boy already?"

"No, Jake, I may have a job at an English bar… gotta go bye."

I was about to say goodbye, but he was gone. Not the first call with him I had in mind, but he was seething at my parents, and I couldn't blame him. But now was the time to go and test the atmosphere again after a mainly silent dinner we all had.

I came in from the garden and went and pulled a stool up at the breakfast bar.

"Where's dad?"

"Gone to the pub," mum replied dejectedly.

"Pub? Hang on. Dad never goes to the pub."

"I think after what's happened, well, he just wanted some time out."

I flicked my chin up. "I see. And how are you?"

"That depends. Are you still going Friday?"

I gave her an over the glasses look. "Yes, mum. I'm still getting on that plane on Friday. I would appreciate a lift to the airport. That's unless you are planning a terror attack to stop me again."

"Jake, don't joke about things like that. And no, of course not. You just have to give us time, Jake. This is a big deal for us. I cry almost every day because of the things we felt we had to do. Either that or the fact you would probably be going anyway if you ever found out. It's been awful. And yes, I know it was bad, but I hope Trevor explained why we did it?"

"He did, and he was the one who said I should forgive you and not tear your head off about it. So hence my behaviour towards the situation. But I'm still angry. I think this will take a while to get over, mum!"

"I know Sweetheart, Just try and remember it was not out of malice we did this. It's because we love you very much."

I began to tear up looking at my mum. Not because I felt sorry for her, but because It kept hitting me that she did this to me. I was so close to my mum. It was just so fucked up.

"I… I just…."

"Oh, Sweetheart, don't cry. I know it's been a hard few days for you."

"No, mum, I'm not crying because of that. I'm crying because… because I just don't think I can forgive you."

Mum's mouth fell open, and she placed a hand on her breast, staring at the tears rolling down my cheeks. I walked out of the kitchen and was about to head upstairs when there was a loud knock on the door. Me, thinking it was dad who had forgot his keys or something, opened it without a thought.

I gasped in a breath before narrowing my eyes. "Hello Jake, is your father in?"

Well, look what the cat dragged in. "Hello, Colin. Or is it Mike from time to time?"