The Next Stage - 29. One Year Down

Every phone call, video call and text sent had been predominantly about Jazzy. Jasper was missing her to the point of tears any time Ryan sent him a random photo of them together. Ryan ended every message and call with “I love you,” and “I miss you,” and that’s the only time Jasper would remember to say it too. He figured if Ryan was the one away, things would be the same. Jasper would be missing him like crazy, but he’d have the distraction of love and affection and cuddles and kisses from Jasmyn and that would do something to fill the void.

For Jasper, his entire focus centered on the fact Jasmyn was doing things without him. He was happy for Ryan that he got to have this time, but it ached heavily in his chest to know he was so far away from her and it felt even further whenever he saw videos of her giggling at Ryan, or worse still, when he’d been looking forward to a video chat all day, only to have her continually crawl away and be distracted by her toys, showing no interest in him at all.

“She misses you.” Ryan would reassure him.

“I know.” Jasper would say, purely because what else was he meant to say? He wasn’t going to waste a second on the call questioning whether she’d forgotten him already. Thank god for his medications keeping him mostly stable, he managed to not have breakdowns despite the stress he was under.

Being onsite for the building project kept him busy, not to mention he’d started music days for the kids around the town to come and spend some time singing and dancing with him every morning. The culture was a shock to begin with. As a complete stranger to most of the people here, the way parents would leave their young children with him in the middle of a market took some getting used to. The mass and varying ages made it near impossible for him to keep an eye on them all some days but eventually all the parents would come back and take their kids home.

Today, Jasper was going home too, though he knew it’d be harder to leave this time. Having just a day of family time before getting back on a plane, would be far from enough. But he’d have swam across the world to be home in time for Jasmyn’s birthday if he had to.

The flight is turbulent due to a storm coming in that he almost thought would have cancelled his plans and thrown him into an absolute spiral. If it went down, he wouldn’t even be scared or sad, he’d be straight up pissed about it. Thankfully though after a few stressful hours and a stop-over, the rest of the trip home is smooth enough for him to sleep.

Ryan is at the airport to pick him up and Jasper just about turns around to get back on the plane when he sees his incognito husband dressed like a valet driver and holding a sign with his name on it. He even has a drivers hat on and somehow he’s making it look good. Resisting the urge to ruin the effort Ryan had gone to, to not be noticed, Jasper walks up to him with his best attempt at a regular polite smile, and not one that gives away just how much he’s now realizing he missed him.

“Good evening Mr. Reid, how was your flight?” Ryan asks, doing well to maintain composure.

Jasper rolls his eyes and it takes everything to keep himself restrained. “Are you my ride?” he asks with a smirk that rewards him with his favourite of Ryan’s expressions, the one where he has to press his lips together and close his eyes, turning his face away from Jasper for a moment, before side eyeing him and shaking his head. Ryan’s faltered control is almost Jasper’s undoing.

Ryan clears his throat and gets back in character. “Right this way sir,” he gestures for Jasper to follow him. The situation is so wholesomely stupid that Jasper can’t get the smile off his face as Ryan leads him through the airport and down to the carpark, committing to the role right up to opening the passenger door for Jasper and closing it behind him.

“You’re an idiot,” Jasper says as soon as Ryan closes the door behind himself.

“Says the one who led with a pun.” Ryan replies.

Jasper casts him a satisfied grin. “Are you still trying to be undercover or can I kiss you now?” he asks.

“How much do you want to kiss me?” Ryan asks, to be an agonizing tease.

The answer is, of course, that Jasper wants to freeze time and make-out with him right here in the carpark, still in his stupid uniform... But the stubborn want for Ryan to crack first is just too strong to allow that to happen. “It wouldn’t be very professional.” He shrugs and looks distractedly out the window. There’s a pause, clear hesitation, before Ryan starts the car and Jasper might just hate Ryan for not giving in so they wouldn’t have to suffer this old game of resistance again. Why they fell into the habit after being away from each other and when definitely in the mood for intimacy, instead of taking advantage of their opportunities is insanely counter-intuitive. Yet here they are, driving home in a silent car full of sexual tension.

Jasper’s thoughts are a mess the longer the tension lingers and builds. What he wouldn’t give to have no fear of distractions on the road, because he’s forced to contain the fantasy of leaning across the seat and blowing Ryan while he drives, in his own imagination. He could imagine the increasingly short and heavy breaths, the fingers threaded through his hair keeping him in place right through to the end. The cheekiness of it is thrilling to picture, but the intrusive thoughts of car horns blaring and his parents being told their son died sucking dick keeps him firmly upright in his seat, staring out the windscreen at the glittering street and building lights. He already missed being able to look up and see stars in the night sky.

The moment the car headlights are flooding the path up the driveway and to the small brick house, all Jasper’s thoughts of what he wants to do with Ryan, are buried under his excitement to hold his baby girl again. Ryan’s barely parked the car before Jasper’s seat belt is off and the door is open. Ryan watches with a fond smile as Jasper disappears into the house without even looking back.

“Baby!” Jasper races in and at the sound of his voice, Jasmyn, who is meant to be eating her dinner but is clearly making nothing but a mess, turns around. Despite the food covered face and hands, Jasper takes her out of her high chair for a cuddle. “How are you darling? I’ve missed you so much! Have you missed Deedee?” Jasper asks, knowing full well she can’t understand the questions or answer them.

She’s slightly confused and staring at Jasper whose eyes are filled with tears he can’t explain.

“Let me wipe those little cheeks.” Beth says, bringing a cloth over and expertly covering Jasmyn’s entire face with the cloth then making a silly noise as she wipes it to reveal a clean soon-to-be birthday girl underneath the layer of spaghetti sauce.

“There she is! Jazzy!” Jasper holds her up in the air and she squeals and kicks her legs excitedly.

“You’re going to wear that spaghetti,” Ryan warns, cleaning up the dinner mess.

“Are you hungry? Need a drink or anything?” Beth offers.

“No thank you. I just need to catch up on a month worth of cuddles.” Jasper smiles, snuggling Jazzy in close as she wriggles to get away, reaching out to Ryan and starting to sook.

“Oh, don’t you start that nonsense.” Ryan says taking her hand and planting a kiss on the back of it then turning back to Beth. “What do you need help with?” he asks, heading into the kitchen.

While the two of them get to work on dinner, Jasper takes Jasmyn for a bath, then settle into the lounge room and sits on the floor with her surrounded by toys. It’s a nice change, though he does feel guilty for how different his life is back here, compared to how he’d been living the last month.

When Jasmyn starts getting sooky, Ryan prepares a bottle, bringing it over. Jasmyn absolutely can feed herself, but she lets Jasper hold her while she drinks. Occasionally she holds the bottle with one hand and reaches for his face with the other and every time she does, Jasper makes a silly face or noise that makes her smile. He’s almost sad when she starts to blink heavily, and zone out as she reaches the end of the bottle. Her eyes closing and her hand slipping from the bottle until it lets go and she wakes herself up to hold it again, and again, and again until Jasper takes over holding it and watches her fall asleep in his arms. He takes the bottle from her when she’s well and truly passed out, and he cuddles her close, enjoying the peaceful snuggle.

It’s only now that he tunes in that Beth and Ryan are on the couch beside him talking, and Ryan has his arm over his shoulders.

“I’m going to ask them tomorrow. I’m just so ready to be a mum,” Beth sighs.

“I’d donate for you.” Ryan replies.

At that, Jasper’s attention is stolen to his husband.

“I’m just so hopeful he says yes.”

“Is this about Flynn?” Jasper asks.

“Yes. Looking after that little cutie has me so clucky.” Beth smiles, looking over at Jasper.

“I’ve got a few dozen kids that need a mum,” Jasper answers. Beth and Ryan look back at him in silence for a few moments. “Sorry. That came across rude. I fully understand you want to have a biological child. I’m not judging you.”

“How has it been this time around?” Beth asks with a pitying tone.

“Well, the building is underway so that’s something. Still a lot of work to do but it doesn’t feel as hopeless and depressing as it did the first time I went there.” Jasper shrugs, looking down at Jasmyn and trying not to feel guilty for the relief knowing the life he returns to is this. Sensing that he’s brought the mood down, Jasper gives a sigh. “I can’t believe Jazzy’s turning one tomorrow.”

“Technically, in about seven hours,” Ryan smiles, taking his phone and snapping a photo of Jasper with their daughter.

“Tell her to stop. I don’t want her growing up anymore.”

“Four years until school.” Beth states.

“Shut up.”

“What’s the average age girls start menstruating?” Ryan asks.

“Mostly between nine and fifteen,” Beth answers.

“Let’s not start even thinking about that before we absolutely have to.” Jasper shakes his head.

“You’re going to be forty-three when she graduates. Have you thought about that yet?” Ryan adds.

“You know what I was thinking about while I was away? I can’t wait to get home to my family so they can remind me of my fleeting existence on this planet.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’ll be forty-five,” Ryan shrugs.

“Thanks, I came home to have an existential crisis,” Jasper sighs, pressing soft kisses on Jasmyn’s adorable sleeping face. “We should all stop growing up, don’t you think? She’ll stay cute and innocent. I’ll stay in my prime and you’ll stay in this hot, young daddy stage forever. Deal?” Jasper winks at him.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Ryan says with a smile, leaning in and kissing Jasper softly. It’s only now that Jasper realizes it’s the first kiss they’d had in over a month and it’s far too brief. The influx of feelings that hit him in that moment is surprisingly intense.

Even though he knew they were having a fresh start after all the drama of their first year as parents, Jasper hadn’t really let himself believe they truly would move past things and be happy again. But the sweet, tenderness in the way Ryan’s lips pressed against his, unlocks that hope and all the love he’d suppressed with the fear of having to let it all go.

**** 

“How’s Leo?” Ryan asks as he climbs into bed.

Jasper groans at the mention. “Leo is going through some kind of Taylor Swift-esk done-with-boys stage that I’m not equipped to deal with because Leo is as ‘done with boys’ as sharks are done with eating people. There is absolutely no chance if he were in a room full of guys giving him attention, he’d turn them all down, let’s be honest. He’d have a feast. It's just, between the guy that broke his heart and Elliott leading him on that night he's hurt and he’s lost a little confidence. He’s not expressed any attraction to anyone in weeks.”

“Well I’m mildly relieved he’s not hitting on you.” Ryan jokes.

“He was never interested in me that way.”

Ryan raises his eyebrow. “Either he’s a terrible liar, or you’d make a terrible judge because we both know he’s been into you probably the entire time he’s known you.”

“Leo is the closest thing I have to a friend. I want him to be happy and find love and all that good stuff. He deserves it.” Jasper states, ignoring what Ryan had said. “He’s got to stop chasing people that don’t pick him.”

“The guys he goes after don’t pick anyone, he’s got to stop expecting to be the exception.”

“True,” Jasper sighs. “As invested as I am in Leo’s love life, I’d rather talk about us.”

“Actually, we do need to talk about something very important.” Ryan turns his full attention to Jasper who crosses his arms to try and subtly make himself feel stronger under Ryan’s gaze. “What is going on here?” Ryan asks, pinching at Jasper’s upper arm. “You’ve got biceps and a tan.”

Jasper gives an amused laugh. “I’ve been helping with the building and cement bricks are heavy,” Jasper shrugs.

“Tense them.” Ryan orders. Jasper looks away, almost embarrassed as he tenses so Ryan can be the one fawning over his muscles for once. “Damn. You’re really moving into that twunk stage, huh?”

“I’ve been blissfully thinking I’m irresistible and still god’s gift to men but apparently, I’ve outgrown the twink stage of gay evolution and you didn’t think to tell me? Leo told me.”

“Is it going to sound like a lie if I tell you that to me, you don’t look any different to when we first met?”

“Yes.”

“No point trying then?” Ryan asks with a smile.

“I didn’t say that.” Jasper smirks, turning around and slipping his arms over Ryan’s shoulders.

“I don’t think you know just how much I’ve missed you.” Ryan sighs, bringing Jasper close. He couldn’t imagine this feeling, no matter how many nights he’d spent trying. “You don’t really have to go back, right?”

“Not for 18 hours.” Jasper says with a fake smile, wishing he had longer to enjoy being home.

“I so badly want to pull an all nighter so I can do all the things I’ve missed doing with you.” Ryan sighs, despising his heavy eyelids.

“Were you up early with Jazzy?”

“Five a.m.” Ryan nods. “What about you, are you tired?”

“I slept on the second flight. Plus, by my body clock, it’s still daytime. I was going to head to the studio and get some stuff done while you slept.”

“Wake me up when you get back, ok? Promise me.”

“Dream of me.” Jasper whispers before kissing him softly.

“I’d better.” Ryan replies with a sleepy smile.

**** 

Ryan does dream of Jasper, and it’s a very sexy dream too. Only when he feels himself reaching the best part of it, his eyes open and he finds it’s not all a dream.

“I was wondering at what point you’d wake up.” Jasper whispers and even though it's pitch black, Ryan can sense the smirk on Jasper’s face.

“Get here.” Ryan reaches for Jasper, drawing him in until their lips meet. “What’s the time?”

“Just after midnight?” Jasper replies.

“And what were you doing?”

“Making the most of my dwindling hours to do this to my husband?”

“Wanna sneak out?”

“What about Jazzy?”

“She sleeps through.”

“Ok, sure. Where are we going?” Jasper asks.

“Somewhere we don’t have to be quiet.”

**** 

With the car safely parked, Jasper plays out the fantasy he’d had leaving the airport. He’s glad they aren’t moving because Ryan is utterly lost in the moment. This time at least, Jasper gets the joy of listening to his breaths getting heavier and the occasional moaned compliment.

It’s far from comfortable, but it is a cheeky amount of fun to find themselves fogging up the windows in the car with the heat of their bodies and each lust filled breath.

“How’d you go at the studio?” Ryan asks, only half interested as he trails gentle kisses over Jasper’s neck.

“Really good actually. I have something for you. And it’s really cheesy.” Jasper smirks, nudging Ryan off him. “Where did my pants go?”

Ryan turns the light on and helps Jasper find his pants, in the pocket he finds a USB.

“It’d be cheesier if it were a mixtape on a cassette and honestly, I was tempted, but your car is too fancy to play that so...”

“Did you record a song for me?” Ryan asks.

“I recorded a few. Like a personally dedicated album.” Jasper shrugs, feeling insecure now. Ryan moves back to the front seat, turning the car on and plugging in the USB. “They aren’t great. Don’t let anyone else hear them.”

There’s a gentle piano opening for the first song that plays,

‘All my mistakes, all our heartbreaks, every time we didn’t get it right~

You’ve been by my side, promised we would be fine and chosen to keep our love alive.

And I know I’ve hurt you. I know I’ve let you down, but I can’t imagine life without you around,

All that we’ve been through and all that we want to, it’s time I let these stupid walls down.

Oh~

Baby I need, your hands to take me,

leading me into the sunlight, when the clouds are blinding my eyes~

And I need your arms around me,

Holding me together when I feel the whole world getting darker.

Because I need, your love to guide me,

Keeping me from falling even when I’m being stubborn.

Oh~ I need you endlessly,

You’re everything in my eyes and I want to spend my whole life by your side.

It mightn’t be perfect but I swear to you I’ll try,

To be the person who deserves the love in your eyes.

And to every challenge I promise with you I’ll rise,

You make me feel stronger, keep my head held high.

You are the center of my life~

I love you.

Baby I need, your hands to take me,

leading me into the sunlight, when the clouds are blinding my eyes~

And I need your arms around me,

Holding me together when I feel the whole world getting darker.

Because I need, your love to guide me,

Keeping me from falling even when I’m being stubborn.

Oh~ I need you endlessly,

You’re everything in my eyes and I want to spend my whole life by your side.

As the song ends the car falls silent.

“Only took me, what? Two years to think of how to turn that little chorus I performed way back on tour, into a full song. Sorry it took me so long.” Jasper jokes, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable. His heart poured out into words that left his husband speechless. He feels like he’s about to suffocate in the tension, when Ryan finally turns back to him, kissing him tenderly on the lips. It’s a relief, but Jasper wanted to hear something from Ryan. He didn’t know what, but he just needed Ryan to say the right thing. Some magic combination of words to fix his own confusion and insecurity right now.

“You do know you haven’t lost me, right? You don’t have to win me back. You never lost me.” Ryan whispers when their lips part.

“That won’t stop me spending the rest of my life trying to win you back.” Jasper replies.

“Jas, I told you we would move past things when you got home.”

“Technically this is just a quick trip, not me being home.”

“Whose side are you on?” Ryan laughs, wrapping his arms around Jasper and holding him tight.

“I don’t know. I’m trying to break that pattern of self-sabotaging but I feel guilty that you’re letting me off so easy.”

“Get out of the car.” Ryan orders.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Ryan pulls his pants on and climbs out of the car, waiting for Jasper to struggle back into his jeans. After a few moments, Jasper gets out and meets Ryan at the front of the car. Ryan takes his hand and walks him down to the water's edge. “Let’s do the thing, and leave this all behind. For every problem you write in the sand, you’ll earn one kiss. So, think of all the things you need to let go of and let’s put them behind us, a kiss at a time.”

“You could always just let me win at romantic gestures, just once you know?” Jasper laughs, leaning in to kiss Ryan.

“Uh-uh. You want a kiss; you better get earning.”

It’s difficult to write in the sand with Ryan back hugging him, but the pay-off is a soft kiss on the back of his neck or on his shoulders. It’s the only thing keeping him warm against the cool breeze coming off the waves that were taking away all his worst thoughts.

“I really don’t want you to go again.” Ryan whispers against Jasper’s neck.

“I know. I don’t want to, either.” Jasper sighs. In his mind, he’d rationalized that he’d rather have a million single days with Ryan, where they are happy and loving one another like this, then return to being at home slowly drifting away. “I don’t even want the hours to pass.” Jasper closes his eyes, leaning into Ryan.

“We should stay here forever.”

“I wish we could. This place is bliss.”

“That’s part of the reason I wanted to come here tonight. There’s land for sale further up the beach, we could buy. Build a house the way we want, for what we need.” Ryan suggests in a dreamy voice.

“Buying and building on the beachfront sounds like the pinnacle of celebrity privilege.” Jasper sighs.

“Well, for all the shit we have to deal with alongside our fame, I feel like we should make the most of it if we can.” Ryan comments. “Imagine us being able to walk, hand in hand along this beach to come down from all the bullshit.”

“Sold.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I feel like I should say no. Since I’m living in literal slums overseas. But I think I’m selfish enough to accept a beachfront home.”

“Mm, it’s not selfish to take care of our mental health. You’ve been living like that and pouring funds into a good cause; I’ve been living with Beth and pouring funds into building renovations. At some point we’ve got to remember we need to live somewhere. I think it’d be good for us. There’s no denying this is a place we both feel most safe.”

“We should have a full moat around the house so the media can’t get near us.”

“Okay, you might be taking it a little too far.” Ryan laughs then kisses Jasper’s cheek. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“It’s our daughter’s birthday in one minute.”

Jasper opens his eyes and looks at Ryan’s phone. They both watch in silence until the minute ticks over to the next, then without saying a word, the two of them smile and turn to share a sweet, loving kiss.

“We should get home. I wanna be there when our one-year-old wakes up.”

**** 

Jasper awakes to the excitable squeal of his daughter seconds before Ryan places her on top of him. Of course, wide awake Jasmyn is not having a bar of cuddles. She’s in full cheeky mood, giggling and squealing. It’s precious and Jasper soaks it all in.

They’d considered going somewhere for the party, but preparing to be jetlagged and exhausted, Jasper finally gave up and agreed to just celebrate Jasmyn’s birthday at home. It’s lucky too, because he’s yawning in between every photo someone takes. There’s not enough caffeine to keep him awake.

Jasmyn is predictably spoilt with presents. Jules gives her a special sewn quilt made out of the favorites of her baby clothes. Jasper claims it.

Jasper’s parents give her Grace’s newborn christening dress on a toy doll that Jasper doesn’t call creepy despite it giving him the vibe of a haunted doll. Jasmyn takes an instant liking to it, much to his horror.

Flynn had a black onesie made up with ‘Little Badass’ written across it.

Brayden made a surprisingly sweet gesture by compiling an ancestry booklet for her. Sure, it’s not what every one-year-old wishes for, but one day when she’s old enough to appreciate it, she can read through and look at the photos of all the people that had to exist and meet, and fall in love to lead to her creation. Of all the combinations of people in the universe, these ones led to her. At the back of the book is an envelope with a note saying ‘I earned this the year your dad was born. Please keep this safe, and face life forever with the strength this symbolizes’ - Your Aussie Granddad. Ryan opens it to find one of his dad’s army medals.

Fi and Luke seemed to be the only ones that actually got her age-appropriate toys and books that keeps her well and truly occupied while the adults catch up.

Jasper and Luke fall into a discussion about working on an album together, which Simon and Ryan enthusiastically throw positives and possibilities at them over the idea.

“We can’t call ourselves The Obsolete, though. If we’re going to work on something together, we have to just do it as us. I don’t feel right using the band name without the rest of the band.” Jasper states.

“I agree. Besides we don’t want to be locked down as only working together. I’ve got solo stuff; you’ve got solo stuff. It’d be really cool to work together without any of the pressure of committing to being strictly a duo.”

“Definitely. And we don’t want to be having to stop our music careers when the other is busy with life.”

“Exactly.”

“So...?” Ryan looks at Jasper with an eager smile.

“I’ll let you know when I’m settled in back home and we can meet up at the studio. Does that sound good?” Jasper asks Luke who grins at him and gives a one-handed hug.

“I look forward to it.”

Ryan and Simon high-five each other, thrilled that the two that were still heavily invested in their music careers were reigniting the musical flame that had been extinguished for so long.

“Can I steal you for a minute?” Beth asks, taking Jasper’s hand in hers.

“Are you ok?”

“I just need some support to talk to Flynn,” she answers, leading him away from the guys and over to where Flynn and Grace are, watching their small tribe play.

“Beth, I am so sorry I haven’t had a chance to talk to you yet. The twins are in a destructive stage and I can’t take my eyes off them for a second or they will break something. I wasn’t trying to be rude.” Grace explains.

“I’ll watch them, you have a rest, Grace.” Jasper hugs his sister and lets go of Beth’s hand, moving only a few steps from her so he can supervise and eaves drop at the same time.

“Flynn, I know this is a weird thing to ask, but, um. I, I don’t want to move on from your brother and I want to honor his memory forever. And, uh. The thing is I’d like to be a mother and I was wondering if you would maybe feel comfortable with helping me achieve that?” Beth finally gets the words out but Flynn is just staring at her confused.

“She wants to know if you’ll be a sperm donor for her to have a baby with Blake’s genetics.” Ryan comes to the rescue.

“Oh shit, is it cool if I don’t give you an answer right now? Because to be real with you, my first thought is no. I have complicated feelings about that one.” Flynn answers, looking absolutely shocked at the thought.

“That’s ok. There’s no pressure. I know it’s a huge thing to ask. I’m so sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.” Beth swallows down her disappointment and Ryan massages her shoulders comfortingly.

“Nah it’s cool. I’ll just have to think about it, that’s all.” Flynn fakes a reassuring smile but it’s immediately awkward between them. Ryan leads Beth away, all the way down the hall and into one of the rooms. “Fuck. Is she crying?” Flynn asks, turning to Jasper.

“Probably. But that’s not on you. She’s been thinking about this for months so she’s probably just overwhelmed that she finally asked and that she knows she might have to think of other options.” Jasper shrugs.

“Why do you think you’ll say no? She’s not asking you to be their dad and raise it with her. It’ be like me and Jazzy. I’m just an aunt.” Grace suggests.

“I thought you wanted me to get the snip, now you’re trying to talk me into impregnating your old church friend that dated my brother?” Flynn frowns at her. “It’s a weird thing to just drop on a person.”

“You’re the one making it weird.”

“What if I say yes once and she ends up wanting 6 kids with the same biological parents and before I know it, I’ve technically got 10 kids?”

Jasper counts in his head then turns to Grace and Flynn who are now having an entire conversation through slight head gestures and raised eyebrows. “Grace?” Jasper asks.

“Flynn is jumping to conclusions and miscounting.” Grace replies.

“You’re not pregnant?”

“It’s complicated,” she sighs. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you intending to not be pregnant?” Jasper asks with a quiet and gentle tone.

“We haven’t decided yet. We only just found out.”

“Grace. You can tell me these things. I don’t judge.” Jasper turns, wrapping his arms around her.

“I was more worried you’d get into a fight with Flynn over it.” Grace admits, breathing deeply to hold herself together.

“Mm. Guessing condoms weren’t being used.”

“They ruin the feeling.” Grace mimics in a whisper. Jasper wills himself not to glare at Flynn.

“You know what’d really ruin the feeling? If you put a chastity belt on him and bought yourself a bigger dildo and made him watch you enjoy yourself without him.” Jasper mutters, making Grace laugh as she pulls away from him.

“Don’t tell Beth, alright? I don’t want her to know we’re doing this, when it’s all she wants.”

“I won’t tell anyone. But I need you to keep me posted. You don’t have to go through this on your own. Either way, I’m here for you.” Jasper kisses Grace’s cheek and gives a sigh. “If you’re feeling a bit sensitive about it, you might want to step out soon. I’m performing a song for Jasmyn and I don’t want it to upset you while you’re feeling raw.”

“No, it’s fine. Go celebrate your baby. I’ll be fine.” Grace insists.

Jasper sits down at the piano to play his song for Jazzy. Ryan, holds her up so her toes are just touching the lid of the piano, so he can dance her around to her special birthday song.

My love for your father grew a whole new heart,

The moment you came into our lives~

And I never knew how much we needed you

Until I held you and felt my whole world revive

Because every moment I see you in his arms,

It feels like I cannot breathe

And when I see his smile in your beautiful face,

I can’t explain what it does to me.

So, when my baby girl falls asleep,

I’m begging the universe please~

Please these memories stay,

Because I don’t want to forget all the smiles today.

And please don’t let her age,

Because I want to cherish each moment, each phase.

It’s a sweeter than his original lyrics, which from the moment he’d recognized the song, Ryan had been hoping Jasper had changed. He dancers Jasmyn all over the piano while Jasper plays the song and sings to her.

Then all that is left is cake, which they let Jasmyn destroy in the back yard in nothing but a bib and a nappy. As the sun starts to set on the afternoon, and everyone says their goodbyes, Jasper stands rocking his daughter to sleep knowing that by the time she opened her eyes again he’d be out of the country and wondering whether him being here would feel like a dream to her it’s with heartbreaking reluctance that he finally puts her in her cot, missing her the moment she’s not in his arms. But she wasn’t the only person he’d have to say goodbye to, not knowing how long it’d be before he makes the trip home again.

Beth and Ryan are sitting in the lounge room discussing what groceries they need for the week while Beth puts together a dinner plan, so Jasper decides to take the opportunity for a shower before getting trapped on a plane again for half a day.

“Ry, can you get me a towel?” Jasper calls out from the bathroom, having purposefully ‘forgotten’ to bring the one that had been left on his bed. He waits by the door for Ryan to knock. “You’ll have to bring it in, I’m still in the shower.”

The door opens and Ryan’s eyes immediately fall on him, like he knew damn well that Jasper was lying. “Still in the shower, huh?” Ryan shakes his head, a grin on his face as he tries not to look him all the way down.

“Can I have the towel?”

Ryan holds it out. Jasper takes it, pulling quickly before Ryan had let go, just to force him closer. With a taunting smirk on his lips, Jasper drops the towel, one hand going for the back of Ryan’s neck, the other straight to the zipper of his pants, he kisses him hard as he backs them towards the shower.

Despite his fingers immediately working to undo the buttons on his shirt, and Jasper managing to undo his pants, Ryan climbs in the shower fully clothed. Not even stripping was incentive enough to break the passionate kiss he’s enjoying. Besides, he enjoyed the urgency in the way Jasper didn’t have the patience to wait for him to get undressed. Ryan tilts his head back as Jasper’s lips trail from his lips, down his chin, neck and down his body until he reaches the buttons Ryan hadn’t undone.

Jasper pulls Ryan's soaked shirt up and his pants down just enough to expose his hips, where he knows he can torment Ryan by drawing patterns with his tongue far enough from where Ryan wanted him to be that it’s not actually giving him pleasure, but sensitive enough to drive him insane with need. He loves the feeling of Ryan’s hand in his hair tensing and the look of Ryan biting his knuckles to keep himself quiet.

“How much have you missed me?” Jasper asks, getting back to his feet, pressing and grinding his body against Ryan’s. Ryan opens his mouth to answer but Jasper cuts in before he can. “Don’t tell me. Show me,” he orders.

“I missed you for more than just this.” Ryan replies as he’s frustratedly wishing he’d taken his pants off before getting in, so he didn’t have the brief struggle of getting out of drenched clothes that are sticking to his body.

Jasper smiles, caressing Ryan’s cheek and looking into his eyes lovingly. “I know. But right now, I want you to make me cum, not cry.”

It’s bittersweet that moving together to bring each other such high waves of ecstasy is able to make them forget about the time rushing past them. They allow the moment to feel infinite, and not a second is wasted, but by the time they emerge from the shower feeling completely invigorated, they are in a rush to get dry and dressed and head back to the airport.

Jasper doesn’t apologize to Beth for the water bill he’s likely left behind, and she doesn’t comment on why Ryan is out on the patio wringing out his clothes.

Jasper sneaks in to give Jasmyn another kiss but can’t get through the doorway without tears filling his eyes so by the time he gets to her cot he’s too worried a tear will fall on her soft little face and it’ll wake her. He blows her a kiss, whispers that Deedee loves her and forces himself to leave before he can risk falling apart in a heap by the cot and missing his flight.

Ryan holds Jasper’s hand the entire way to the airport, while Jasper tries to carry a conversation that is impossible to be sad throughout.

“So put a ring of salt around that doll so it can’t possess you.”

“You need to stop watching horror movies.” Ryan laughs.

“Or maybe me watching horror movies is what’s going to save you from being murdered by that demonic possessed doll.” Jasper shrugs.

“We’ve gone from possessed to murdered very fast.”

“You will, if you don’t trap it in salt. Probably wouldn’t hurt to get someone sage the house.”

“Jasmyn seems to love the doll.”

“Have you ever noticed kids in horror movies are the creepy ones? It’s because their toys are possessed.”

“I... Don’t have any argument to that but I’m still inclined to believe that doll isn’t about to bring forth the downfall of our family.” Ryan pulls up in the carpark and reaches for his seatbelt but Jasper stops him.

“Go home to our baby and kiss her for me. I didn’t get to before I left.” Jasper leans over and kisses Ryan like he’s trying to make up for all the kisses he’s going to miss the moment their lips part. He pulls back, tears welling in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too. We’re not saying goodbye here though, are we?” Ryan asks.

“I’ll text you when I land.” Jasper shifts back to his seat, climbing out of the car and taking his bag, before marching into the airport with his head held high and tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn’t wait to be home again, for good, next time.