The Next Stage - 20. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

There’s a secure feeling that encapsulates Jasper the moment he opens the envelope to see the birth certificate with his name under Parent/Guardian 2. Ryan’s under Parent/Guardian 1. They’d been given one at the hospital of course, with Grace and Ryan listed as the birth parents, but it was official now. There was no going back, no changing minds. He and Ry were legally forever tied to Jasmyn, and the thought brought overjoyed tears to his eyes.

Sure, he’d spent almost every minute of the last three months. Being nothing but a full time and absolutely doting father to her, but having it in the paperwork meant no one could take this from him. He wanted this framed and displayed. He also wanted to post it on Instagram and Twitter and wherever else he could, just to share it with the world, but only because he felt like there was no one to share his excitement with right now.

Ry was working. He had issues calling Leo because he’d been subjected to too many uncomfortable conversations while Leo’s been degrading someone. Flynn would give him a smile and probably a pat on the back but it’d be a dick thing to celebrate severing the maternal link between Jazzy and Grace, to him while he’s still dealing with her processing the surrogacy of the child she grew and birthed. No one had heard anything from Simon, other than constant and annoying sponsored Twitter posts and brand deals. According to Luke, Simon was meant to be collaborating with him on some music, but ghosted him when his divorce happened. Luke and Fi had gone quiet, too. Last Jasper heard, they were trying for another baby and Luke seemed excited about it but it was taxing on Fi’s mental and physical wellbeing as she had to undergo numerous fertility treatments both invasive and hormonally intense.

Beth had been swept up in some kind of complete fantasy relationship with Brayden that Jasper was a little envious of. He hadn’t been talking to her much because he’d started to notice he had nothing but baby stuff to talk about and couldn’t help feeling like that made him uninteresting especially to someone who’s just been on a date where she had to jump out of a plane to sky dive her way down to a picnic.

That was seriously the last conversation they had. When she asked how he’d been and he came back with, ‘well Jazzy has terrible nappy rash’, he realized he was in a stage of life that not everyone could relate to.

His friend circle had dwindled, and those left were busy with their own lives.

Jasper types a quick message to Blake’s number to update him on the latest excitement in his life, then heads upstairs to check on the sleeping baby he was legally responsible for, from now until forever. She’s asleep peacefully in her cot with the gentle sound of rainfall playing as white noise.

Jasper places the birth certificate in a photo frame and displays it in here room on a shelf that was intended to be a keepsake shelf but had a tub of nappy cream, the baby nail clippers and packet of sour candies hidden under a stack of ‘Congratulations’ and ‘Welcome Baby’ cards.

Underneath his late-night sugary snack was an envelope that he’d not been able to bring himself to open. Paternity test results. He’d sent away the required samples when Jazzy was only a few weeks old and the letter had been sitting up there for nearly a month now. Inside it were the results that felt important up until this birth certificate arrived. Now Jasper felt like the letter was in limbo between confirming Ryan’s DNA and filling them with relief, and ruining something that finally felt as real as it deserved for all the exhaustion and love that they were putting into their daughter.

*** 

“Ryan, how does Jasper let you leave the house looking this fine?”

“What do you want, Elliot?”

“Gavin isn’t feeling well. Do you want me to cover his solo? I know it off by heart.”

Ryan crosses his arms and turns to Elliot. “What’d you do, slip laxatives in his water?”

“No, he’s just been fasting for a few days to get ready for opening night. He’s feeling faint.”

“Fasting? Jesus. Ok, yes. You can move from chorus to cover his solo, but just until he’s feeling better. Places everyone! Come on, we’ve got three hours and anyone who keeps us late tonight needs to seriously think about their commitment to the role. I know people have off days; I know mistakes happen, but it’s time to practice for opening night. You make a mistake; you make it the best mistake of your life. Give it purpose and keep going. Three, two, one. Begin!” Ryan instructs, taking a seat in the auditorium and looking forward to the next few hours passing.

Maria had started stepping back at rehearsals and leaving more pressure on Ryan’s shoulders to not only assist, but to run the dance sessions. This meant rehearsals were now taking up most of his life and he wished he was enjoying it enough to justify what he was giving up. Over the last few weeks, the dancing groups had been split into solo, chorus, men and women. They alternated sessions and had days off but Ryan was in charge of running them. Maria appeared to only be dropping in when they were doing co-ed dance sessions.

To begin with, Ryan found it stressful running the sessions on his own, but now he was more stressed whenever she was there, delivering brutal remarks about everyone’s dancing. It became clear that everyone else enjoyed rehearsing with Ryan much more. He managed to at least make it fun sometimes, though he was certainly less efficient and felt more like one of the dancers than their instructor.

He spent almost all of his downtime either dancing to keep himself fresh because the bulk of rehearsals was spent just ordering others around. Unfortunately, their room was rapidly accumulating more and more baby related furniture and toys so he didn’t have room to practice much at home, so he’d often go early or stay back late from rehearsals to do his own training. It was the calmest part of his day, because every other minute was either listening to Jazzy cry, or Jasper talking his ear off about things that Ryan didn’t really have the energy to listen to.

He also guiltily enjoyed the way other dancers would hang around after rehearsals to suck up to him. The attention bordered on addictive and he hated himself for being so excited whenever particular people would stay back to practice with him.

If it was a day with the ladies, he’d usually have a few that wanted to go back through their routine for Cell Block Tango. Some of the moves were extremely intimate, and it took a lot of self-control and completely unsexy thoughts to prevent himself from showing just how long it’d been since he and Jasper were physical.

Some days this would almost be an advantage, because he’d drive home desperately horny, picturing himself dragging Jasper to the nearest comfortable surface and finally letting out this pent-up tension. Then he’d get home and Jasper would be busy with Jazzy and the mundane conversations about their day would start, or he’d just go for a long shower and sort himself out in the process. He missed how it felt to be touched by hands other than his own, and to feel all the pleasures that he’d stand under the warm jets of water, imagining he was actually indulging in.

Then he’d be back to feeling guilty when he went back downstairs to Jasper, only to more or less block out half their conversations in favour of thinking about his dancers and any changes he wanted to make to their routines.

*** 

Jasper was watching the clock as it ticked over Ryan’s expected home time, and no headlights come up the driveway. It’s a familiar wash of disappointment that comes over him.

“Ok Jazzy. I’m going to need your best cooperation tonight,” he gives a weary sigh as he takes her upstairs to get ready. Ryan was late almost every single day, and that was just the way it was. Jasper accepted that every other time, but today was different. Today was the one time he’d repeatedly asked for Ryan to be on time. For once, Jasper had somewhere to be, and he’d been looking forward to being child free.

Jazzy didn’t love the shower. She screams her lungs out, actually, which forces Jasper to rush his way through the shower. He gets out, wraps a towel around himself and Jazzy and paces to the nearest forward-facing window in the hope that Ryan would turn up and save him.

With a frustrated sigh, Jasper throws his phone on the bed next to him, ringing and on speaker while he wrestles Jasmyn into a nappy and her pajamas.

“Jasper, now isn’t a good time, sorry.” Luke’s voice is not at all the relief that Jasper was hoping for.

“Sorry, are you ok?” Jasper asks.

“Not really. Fi’s in the hospital having one of her tubes removed in an emergency operation.” Luke chokes out and Jasper pauses.

“Oh, shit. Why? Did something happen?”

“Ectopic pregnancy.”

“She’s pregnant?”

“Was. Look, I’ve got to go.” Luke sighs but doesn’t hang up. After a few seconds, Jasper hears the subtle, shaky, tear-filled inhale.

Jasper picks up his phone and takes it off speaker, pressing it against his ear as if that makes him sound more sincere. “Luke, if you guys need anything, let me know ok? I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, Jasper.”

“Go be with your wife. I love you guys.” Jasper sighs and Luke thanks him again, then finally hangs up.

Jasper checks the time and picks up Jazzy, heading down to the kitchen with her, still stark naked, to prepare a bottle, hating that he doesn’t have the time to send Luke more comfort right now and he had to just keep calling to find a babysitter.

“Hey babe, all ready for your interview?” Beth at least sounded happy.

“Not at all. Ryan’s not home and I’m not dressed. Are you busy tonight?” Jasper asks desperately.

“I’m not in town or I would totally come and help. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. What fun are you getting up to tonight?” He had every intention of listening, but Beth recognises that he’s just being polite and tells him to just get dressed.

Thankfully, with a pillow over her legs and tummy to support the bottle, Jasper places Jazzy’s hands on her bottle and leaves her to feed herself while he hurries into his suit. One eye on Jazzy in the mirror, Jasper calls the last person he wanted to ask for help.

“I know Flynn, I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t out of options. Ryan’s almost a solid hour late and I’ve got like 20 minutes to be there. I’m so, so sorry to put this on you, but please.” Jasper begs.

“Of course, but as soon as Ryan gets there, I’ll have to go.”

“Never mind. He’s just pulled up.” Jasper breathes a sigh of relief. “Thanks anyway, Flynn. Sorry to have asked.”

“It’s all good. Have a good night, Jas.” Flynn hangs up and Jasper pulls his suit jacket on, runs his fingers through his hair as if it’s going to help, then as he hears the front door open he scoops up Jazzy from the bed and carries her down with her empty bottle.

“I’m home. Sorry, things ran late.” Ryan walks in and drops his keys on the bench, heading for the couch, exhausted.

“I just took her in the shower with me so she’s bathed, and she had her bottle while I was getting dressed. Should be an easy night for you.” Jasper places Jazzy down on her play mat on the floor. “How do I look?” Jasper smiles and does a spin. It’d been a while since he had an excuse to wear a suit and just for the occasion.

“Where are you going?” Ryan frowns at him. Far from the reaction Jasper had hoped for.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been reminding you all week!” Jasper crosses his arms and watches Ryan stare back at him, wracking his brains. He can see the lightbulb go off in Ryan’s eyes.

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” Ryan sighs.

“Just tell me you’re good to watch Jazzy tonight.” Jasper pleads.

“Of course. Where is she?”

“On the floor having tummy time. Keep an eye on her, she rolls...”

“And she’s had a bottle?”

“Yes, I’ve done literally everything else. All you had to do was remember one thing and be home on time, once.” Jasper rolls his eyes and goes straight past Ryan, to snatch the keys from the bench and storm out the door without another word.

*** 

“Please welcome to the show, Jasper Reid of The Obsolete!” the host calls excitedly. Jasper walks on set with a smile and a wave to the live audience, who cheer for him.

“Oh, Jazzy! It’s daddy, c’mon.” Ryan abandons his half-cooked dinner, walks into the lounge room and looks at the floor where Jasmyn had been last time he checked. “Jazzy? Jasmyn!?” he goes into an instant panic, his heart racing as his eyes dart around the room.

A soft babble comes from under the couch. Ryan lifts it and finds Jasmyn lying there just looking at him, surprised.

“How did you get under there!?” Ryan picks her up and gives her a cuddle, filled with guilt for momentarily losing her.

“Your comeback was a hugely anticipated event. How did it feel to be back on stage after so long?”

“Phenomenal. I was terrified, of course, because it’s very different to perform solo, then it is to perform with a group. But I just couldn’t see my life without music, without interacting with my fans. It’s a thrill like no other, to be up on stage. I don’t think I’d have been able to just close the door on that chapter of my life.”

“I think that shows through the passion and thought that went into your performances. You had everyone on the edge of their seats right up until the end. Obviously, we have to talk about the duet with Blake, which left so many in tears. When was that video recorded and how was it practicing that performance?”

“That video was...” Jasper pauses, and Ryan finds himself holding his breath in anticipation. It was the first time Jasper had confronted a question about Blake willingly. “It was the biggest reason I didn’t let myself remain in the depressive state I was living in. I saw the video and cried until I was ready to pick myself up and finally start moving forward. I don’t know where I’d be if not for that last video of his, reminding me and forgiving me for continuing to live my life without him. It’s a way for me to feel connected to him and I never want my music to not include him. He’s my inspiration and drive. I want to honour him every time I perform.”

“Your daddy is so strong, Jazzy. Look at him.” Ryan smiles, he could see the restraint in Jasper’s smile and the glossiness of tears in his eyes.

“Of course, you had the support of someone very special during tour.”

“Yes.” Jasper smiles.

“You recently confirmed that you and Ryan are married. Congratulations.”

Jasper smiles, “thank you, we’ve been married for a year already. It’s just that we held off announcing it because, well, people have a habit of ruining good things with their opinions.”

“Who proposed?”

“Ryan did years ago during ‘The Obsoletes’ last tour and we got married after the first night of my comeback tour. It was an impulsive marriage but a long time coming. I had planned to spring it on him during tour, but we had a change of plans and I

“And how is married life?”

“Busy. We spent the first part of the year on my tour, which was very difficult, and now Ryan is pursuing his own path, which is great, but we don’t see much of each other at the moment.”

“So, I guess children aren’t in the plans just yet?”

“Children have always been in the plans with Ry and we’re always going to have busy careers, so regardless of our schedules, we’ll make it work.” Jasper gives a shrug and glances towards the camera with a smile so warm Ryan felt as though his heart was being hugged.

What he said was resonating with Ryan. Jasmyn was 4 months old already, and they still hadn’t made it work. In fact, it’s only now that it occurs to Ryan. They’d missed their first wedding anniversary. They’d counted away all the months leading up to Jasmyn’s birth, then sleep walked through the first few months of parenthood and somewhere in the midst of sleep deprivation and baby stuff for Jasper, and the choreography that constantly occupied Ryan’s mind, they’d missed the most important date of the entire year.

Come to think of it, Jasper was underselling just how little they had to do with each other. Ryan had been in a perpetual state of rush. He couldn’t remember kissing Jasper good morning, goodbye, or goodnight for what felt like forever. Barely remembered the last time they spent any quality time together that wasn’t time spent sharing the responsibility of Jazzy.

Jasper would often set things up for them to do together, that for one reason or another, would just never go ahead. They desperately needed date night, but Ryan had rehearsals scheduled every night leading up to the opening night of the show, so getting away was almost impossible. At home, it was impossible to do anything together. Jasper put in effort, and Ryan knew he probably wasn’t appreciating it enough. The times Jasper would sit up with Ry, surely exhausted by the minimal sleep he’d been functioning on, just to be with him.

The sound of a pot over boiling breaks his thoughts. Ryan places Jazzy down again and runs to the kitchen to see the mess spilling out onto the previously sparkling clean stove top. He rushes to clean away the evidence, thinking how it’d look like he was completely incompetent. Jasper made being a stay-at-home parent look easy. The house was always clean and dinner was always made. One night without Jasper and Ryan couldn’t even cook a meal and keep track of his own kid.

At that thought, he moves back to Jazzy just in time to see her roll over with the confidence of a baby that has mastered the skill. Within less than a minute, she’s rolled over again and again until she’s almost under the couch.

Ryan pulls the couch back to give her more space to move and explore, watching fondly as she rolls again, an almost proud smile on her sweet little face. She stops rolling and looks back towards the TV, kicking her legs and reaching her arms out towards it as the camera focuses on Jasper while he’s laughing adorably at something the host has said to him.

Now Ryan didn’t know who he wanted to stare at more, because the moment his eyes were on Jasper again, he felt as though he was seeing him properly for the first time in months. The cheekiness in his eyes as he answers the host with searing sarcasm. He always looked great when he had an event to dress up for. At home, Ryan was used to seeing him in whatever was comfortable, most often just underwear, but if it was cool, he’d throw on a shirt. Sometimes the same shirt for a couple of days. It’s not that Ryan didn’t find his effortless look attractive, because he certainly did. But as with every event Jasper appeared on, he was well put together and dressed to impress. The black sequined suit jacket he wore glistened in the studio lights, but it was only half as bright as the shine of Jasper’s eyes as he answered questions about the tour, upcoming plans for more music and the support from his fans.

“I know a lot of people are interested in hearing your side of the story that you tweeted about recently,” the host changes the topic.

“I actually can’t talk about that. I was served with court documents the other day, so that’s off the table until it’s all been through the courts.”

“What?” Ryan turns back to the TV as if Jasper is in the room and can answer him. He turns away and heads over to the kitchen table that had a pile of paperwork all over it, including a manila folder with a lawyer's office stamp on the front. All the while, the conversation in the background continues.

“You’ve been served?”

“It’s definitely a choice. I really can’t speak about it more at this stage, though.” Jasper gives a careless shrug.

Ryan opens the folder, reading the apparent suit against him. “Defamation? Great.” Ryan sighs and throws the folder down. Again, he turns to the TV as if he can just walk up and ask Jasper more about this, but of course the topic had moved on.

“I have actually purchased a lot of land and am in the talks with building companies to finally get the children’s health and safety building underway. I’m frustrated by the delay and the misuse of my charity funds, but when the crisis of an entire country is going on, I do understand them wanting to relocate the money and use it on public health.”

The purchase of a property was news to Ryan, too. Along with the fact this wasn’t just a regular late night talk show appearance. Jasper was being hit with some heavy topics and handling his answers well. Normally Ryan would have been someone he’d practice these kinds of responses to, but Ryan had only heard about this appearance a couple of times and only in the form of ‘remember I have a thing so you have to be home on time that night to watch Jazzy.’

The last time he’d been reminded was only days ago when Ryan had been on his way over to Kelsey’s to work out what he wanted to change about a dance routine. His mind was on work and if he was being honest about it, Ryan had to admit that he’d probably rolled his eyes because this reminder had been so constant it felt almost like nagging. It wasn’t a nice way to interpret something Jasper was probably just excited about. Ryan could admit that to himself. In many ways, this felt similar to the way things were between him and Jasper during the tour, only now the roles were reversed.

Ryan’s schedule had been packed, but that was no excuse to have been so mentally checked out that Jasper couldn’t have planned some of these answers with him, hadn’t told him about the property purchase overseas and that Ryan let him leave the house looking this good without so much as a compliment or kiss. He couldn’t believe once again, he was learning about the life of the person he shared a house and a bed with, from a source of media.

*** 

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Jasper whispers as he closes and locks the door behind himself.

Ryan gets up from the lounge where he’d been nearly asleep. “I couldn’t let you go to bed without telling you how proud of you I am.” Ryan walks over towards Jasper, reaching his arms out to bring him in for a loving hug.

“You watched the interview?”

“Of course. I can’t believe that guy is seriously taking you to court. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. He won’t be though.” Jasper shrugs. “How was Jazzy?”

“Well, you’re definitely her favourite. He refused to take a bottle for me. Streams just about the entire way to bed. Took me 45 minutes to get her to sleep. The only time she was settled was when we were watching you on TV.” Ryan replies with a defeated sigh. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. I mean, I get it. I’m never around. She barely knows me, really. It’s not her fault. She doesn’t want to be around a stranger.”

Jasper rolls his eyes. “It’s just the way it is, right? One of us is going to be there. One of us is going to miss shit. At the moment it’s you, but tonight it was me. I felt kind of lost being out of the house. I think I could just about feel her fussing over a bottle at feed time. I swear my heart was being squeezed by some kind of guilt for not being there for her, but what matters is spending quality time when we get the chance.”

“I can’t believe I forgot our first wedding anniversary.”

Jasper shrugs and slips his jacket off, heading upstairs, ready for bed. Ryan follows him.

“You look great, by the way.”

“Thanks.” Jasper mutters, sneaking quietly down to the nursery to check on his baby. Ryan watching from the doorway. Jasper takes one of his shirts that had been draped over her and turns to Ryan with a frown.

“Needed something that smelt like you, to get her to sleep,” Ryan whispers. A smile tugs at Jasper’s lips and he turns back, leans over the cot and presses a delicate kiss on Jasmyn’s forehead.

“I’ll see you soon, darling,” he whispers. Every part of him wanted to pull her out of bed and snuggle her, but he resists. On his way back out of the room, Jasper takes down her framed birth certificate and hands it to Ryan. “Did you see this?”

“Oh, what? When did this arrive?”

“Today.” Jasper answers, leaving it in Ryan’s hands as he heads out of the nursery and into his bedroom. Ryan places it back on the shelf and follows Jasper again.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about being late today...”

“You’re late every day. I should have had a back-up plan.” Jasper sits on the edge of the bed, taking his shoes off.

“No, I should have been home.”

“Yeah.” Jasper yawns, running his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“You should go to bed. Don’t you have rehearsals in the morning?” Jasper asks, getting up from the bed and heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“The couch.”

“Jas, please come to bed.”

“There’s no point. Jazzy has a bottle around midnight and it’s only half an hour. I might as well just wait up.” Jasper frowns at Ryan who looks relieved by his reasoning.

“Are we ok?” Ryan asks.

“Ry, it’s way too late to start that conversation. Seriously.”

“What do you mean, too late?”

“Go to bed, that’s what I mean.” Jasper rolls his eyes.

“Jas.”

“We’re fine. Go to bed. I’ll be in soon enough.” Jasper says gently, stepping forward and pressing a soft kiss to Ryan’s lips. As he goes to step back, Ryan pulls him in once more. “What?” Jasper smiles.

“I just didn’t realise how much I needed this.” Ryan breathes, kissing Jasper again with a tenderness that furthered his craving, but as his hands work their way down to Jasper’s pants, Jasper breaks the kiss.

“Bed.” Jasper orders.

“Couldn’t agree more.” Ryan smirks.

“No.” Jasper laughs. “Sleep. You’ve got work in the morning and I’m not really in the mood.”

Ryan gives a disappointed groan and lets Jasper leave him.

*** 

“Ryan.” Maria calls him over the moment he arrives at rehearsals.

“Hey. I didn’t think you would be in today.”

“I was called in because I hear you’ve got family drama to sort out at home.” Maria answers quickly. Ryan opens his mouth to speak, but she continues. “Is he trying to sabotage you? Because with him all tied up in a sex scandal, the company is considering whether to continue working with you or if it’s too much of a risk that you’ll be pulled into it and your name will be tarnished and in turn, cause issue for everyone who has worked so hard on this show. It’s not a good look to have someone controversial on the team.”

“I assure you it’s not an issue.” Ryan promises.

“Darling, it’s already an issue. You’re only as good as the first thing that comes up when you search your name online. Go home and make the problem go away quietly, before opening night or you will be taken out of the programs.” Maria waves him off, snapping at the dancers to get on stage. Ryan starts walking off, confused about what to do now that his position was in jeopardy.

“Where are you going, Ryan?” Elliot stops in front of him.

“Home. Maria’s taken over for today.” Ryan sighs.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah.”

“If it’s about Jasper, make sure he takes that jerk for every last cent.” Elliot says, placing a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “If you need to talk when the scary one is gone, you know where to find me, ok?” he gives Ryan a smile then struts off to his place on stage.

*** 

“I realise that, Daniel, but we’re married, so he shouldn’t be called up for any questioning.” Jasper had his earbuds in, and his ability to multi-task continues to impress Ryan. Jazzy was in a rocker on the floor that Jasper was bouncing gently with his foot, while he’s preparing food to be mashed and frozen for when Jasmyn would start solids. All the while planning his action for a court case.

“My P.A at the time has agreed to come home and speak for me to my condition at the time and according to the bar I was visiting, they have footage of me being sent away and running into this douche’ bag so I’ve got evidence to substantiate my counter. I know, but my image is already damaged enough. I can’t really fall much lower. Yes, I’m absolutely sure. Ok, thank you so much Daniel.” Jasper presses a finger to the ear bud and looks down at Jasmyn, who’s fast asleep in the rocker.

“Hey.” Ryan walks over and presses a kiss to Jasper’s cheek. “What was that about?”

“Getting shit together for the court case. His lawyer contacted Daniel with an offer to drop the case for 1mil. Can you believe that? Fucked if I’m paying him anything. Game on." Jasper scoffs.

“What do you mean ‘game on’?”

“I’m counter-suing him for sexual assault. Good luck to him to prove that I had the capacity to give consent in the condition I was in that night. Imagine actually having the nerve to ask someone you manipulated into sleeping with you while they were emotionally vulnerable and completely incapacitated for a million dollars to drop a defamation case. He’s literally a nobody and I owe him nothing. But it is so satisfying, destroying people that try to fuck with me.” Jasper gives Ryan a delighted grin, then frowns and checks the time. “What are you doing home so early?”