The Next Stage - 2. Tour

There’s a familiar sound of fans losing their minds as Jasper passes a small group of teenage girls who must have been waiting for him at the airport. Being screamed at on stage was a very different feeling than to see a bunch of kids crying at the sight of him dressed down and exhausted in public, still, Jasper smiles at them and gives a wave, stops for a group photo and acts like he’s got nowhere better to be, allowing Ryan to pass by completely unnoticed. Jasper did not know how he and Ryan would keep their relationship a secret for the entire tour, but he loved how scandalous it felt for people to not know, despite them sneaking around under their noses.

Truthfully, this was super fulfilling to him. Of course, he used to get this kind of treatment when the band was touring. Fans that knew their flight schedule and had the time, would sometimes wait around to catch a glimpse of them and shout their undying admiration through the airport. He'd always wished they had time to stop for them, and now that he was doing this on his own, he was glad to be in charge of his own schedule. He could spare time for a quick photo to show his appreciation of their support.

It was more important than ever, really. These people helped him resurrect his career. He needed to be grateful and kind to them. A big part of him was feeling quite unworthy of all the love and support he'd gotten from his old fans when his first solo album was released. There was a lot of pressure that he'd placed on himself, to prove he was good enough to earn them all back, after his public decline from the beloved member of the band, to lonely, drunken asshole. His fans had to be some of the most patient, understanding and kind people, to stand by him despite it all. The least he could do for them, was his absolute best.

“Nice of you to join me.” Ryan comments when Jasper finally boards, only a few minutes later than Ryan had. Jasper gives a heavy sigh that turns into a yawn. The relief of having the freedom to rest lets the exhaustion finally show.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles through another yawn.

“I’m attempting to form some kind of privacy for us.” Ryan states as he tries to get a bed sheet to hang from the baggage compartment, like a curtain around the bed.

"We’re on a private flight in first-class. Who are we trying to hide ourselves from?"

“Flight attendants?”

“Flight attendants only come in if we ask them to with the speaker thing.” Jasper points out, walking over and pressing a little silver button next to a speaker. "Hello, this is your first-class passengers. Just letting you know we won't be requiring any assistance tonight, but we'd like a 30 minute pre-landing wake-up call. Thank you very much." He takes his finger off the button and shrugs at Ryan.

“Oh.”

“I forget you weren’t on our second tour with us. Welcome to being high profile.” Jasper smiles, stretches his arms out and does a spin to gesture to the whole first-class cabin as though it’s some kind of prize.

“It’s very impressive.” Ryan comments, his eyes on Jasper. He didn't really care where they were, he was just glad to have time all to themselves for a while. Jasper looks around at the first-class cabin, which he’d been in enough of to forget the awe. A downside to luxury, it starts feeling normal after a while. Checking his privileges, Jasper hangs his head, a little embarrassed at how spoilt it seemed that he was showing off.

“Just to be clear, the only reason we splurged on first-class was because we will spend so much time on flights. We need a comfortable sleep somewhere amongst the hectic schedule. There going to be just about no hotel stays over the course of the tour because we’ve packed so many venues and dates into a short amount of time with all the venue restrictions. And now our days off will be spent going back to see Grace and… the baby.” Jasper pauses. It sounded weird to say. With the attention immediately going to pulling a wedding out of thin air, he and Ryan hadn’t had a chance to talk about that yet, or even really process that it was happening. He glances at Ryan, who just beams back at him.

“Go on.”

“Basically, I know it seems very extra, but this is our transport and hotel for most of the tour. Not obviously this one plane, but the whole first-class thing isn’t just me being a high maintenance diva.” Jasper sighs and crosses his arms. As much as this was their lives now, he didn't want to be seen as a hypocrite.

“I never said it was.”

“People will. They are going to query it since it’s a charity tour. They will wonder why we’re spending so much on our travel. We could just fly in the cabin and put more money towards the charities but…”

“You are kinda the centre of attention for this tour, you have to look after yourself. Don’t feel guilty about that. You need and deserve space to just relax.”

“Yeah it’s just, children are starving to death and I’m taking a first-class flight to ‘look after myself’ doesn’t come across that genuine.”

“Well, we could walk but it would take a long time and you may not have the energy left to perform when we get to the venue.” Ryan jokes. Jasper smiles tiredly, appreciating Ryan making a stupid comment to lighten his mood. “Besides, isn’t it Mark that arranged all the travel? It’s not like you were just being selfish, don’t be upset that people want to spoil you a little. Everyone wants to make this tour really special for you.”

“You’ll call me out if I start being a diva though, right? I’m a little worried the power is going to go to my head, being a solo artist. Keep me modest.”

“How modest do I have to keep you?” Ryan smirks, walking over to Jasper and taking his hand, then stepping back to bring Jasper towards the bed.

“Ry, between rehearsing for the show, performing, finding out we've only got like 7 months until our lives are taken over by a screaming little human hybrid of the two of us, then getting last minute married, we've been awake for like, 20 hours. I don't even know how I'm still vertical at this point. Believe me, I am sorry to even say this, but I am too tired right now.” Jasper complains and, as if on cue, gives another yawn.

“Oh, we really are married if we’re starting that excuse.” Ryan jokes. "I love you," he whispers, his hand moving down Jasper’s arm to find his hand and the ring on it. A smile crosses his lips as he feels the band on his husband’s finger.

“Love you too. But if I don’t sleep soon, we’re going to have problems.” Jasper mumbles.

“Reason for divorce, sleep deprivation.” Ryan kisses his neck. “Not worth the risk. Sleep well.” He closes his eyes as the thrill of the last 24 hours starts to wind down finally.

“Sorry, did you just say ‘not worth the risk’ as your conclusion to not ask me for sex right now?”

“Not worth divorce.”

“Wow. Good to know I'm not worth it.”

“Did not see this backfiring on me. Think really hard about this. You are starting an argument about me not pressuring you for sex. Our first argument as a married couple, is about me respecting you,” Ryan states, amused. Jasper smiles and cuddles against Ryan.

"Look, I only need 4 hours of sleep to function. That leaves plenty of time to consummate this marriage thing. If it helps, I'll be doing so many sexy things to you in my dream. I promise."

“Coffee, list of questions for pre-approval during today’s interview and suggested changes for tonight’s performance. I've added to the schedule a trip home for the first ultrasound in 3 weeks' time.” God knows when Leo slept, but this was why Jasper kept him around. Jasper takes the paperwork and coffee so Leo can open the door for them.

“Has there been any leaks?” Jasper asks as he takes a pen and starts going through the list of questions.

“Well, your brother-in-law set up some kind of thing. I don’t know how it works, but basically no one is able to post about you and Ryan, he’s like corrupted it or something. Causes a system crash. He tried explaining it to me but I don’t get programming stuff. From what I understand, he’s all over that side of things, so there shouldn't be anything to worry about.”

“Not good enough, Leo. Sounds like you need to take a class in computer programming and whatnot, and educate yourself so you can explain it to me. That’s what I’m paying you for.” Jasper says sarcastically, striking out a question, 'how was it to perform without Blake?' "They were seriously going to ask me this." He shows it to Ryan in disgust.

“Should let them ask it, then call them out on how stupidly insensitive it is.” Ryan shrugs.

“Look at you, being petty. See Leo, you didn’t know Ryan before he met me, but this right here, this is all my doing.” Jasper smiles proudly at Ryan.

“So, he brought you health and fitness, and all you’ve brought to him is pessimistic sarcasm?” Leo teases.

“I’m sorry, that’s all you think I brought to him? You say that like ‘pessimistic sarcasm’ is all this mouth does. Given that he just married me, I’d say I also ironically bring him a whole lot of happiness that he can’t get from kale and sit-ups.” Jasper replies.

“Just checking, you’re aware I’m in the car, right?” Ryan asks.

“90% of my conversations with Leo, include some kind of sexual ridicule. You’ll get used to hearing it." Jasper comments and gives a sigh as he flips the page and sees more questions. "Huh, how was life in lockdown?" Jasper reads out and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, sure, let's bring up the trauma the whole world faced. That'll be fun to talk about. Who comes up with these?"

"Journalists?" Ryan shrugs.

"Leo, fire all journalists for me, thanks."

"Not sure that's within my scope."

"With the amount you get paid, everything is in your scope." Jasper answers.

“Noted.” Leo laughs

"But seriously, talking about Blake and all of that will be on my terms, thank you very much. Actually, Leo, can you make sure people know that before interviews? It’s not a topic for them to bring up. If I want to talk about how tremendously life shattering his death was, I’ll bring it up. Until then, everyone can fuck right off. What are you going to do while I’m getting set up today?" Jasper turns to Ryan.

“No idea. I figured I would be around?”

“I’m going to be spending my entire day going over these changes and preparing for the show. You might as well go do something else. You don’t have to hang around watching me work. We are not going to be that couple.”

“Although, if you do want to do something else, you’ve got to keep out of sight. Otherwise, people will realise you’re following Jasper around on tour and it’ll take away the surprise when you do the reveal on stage.” Leo reminds them.

“That’s a good point. You’ll have to go incognito and we should come up with code names.” Jasper says with a wink.

“I am so looking forward to the world knowing about us, so we can stop sneaking around. Feels like we’ve come full circle.”

“Well, a little more than full circle, I’d say.” Jasper undoes his seat belt and moves on top of Ryan.

“Not to be a cockblock, but seatbelts.” Leo calls out. Jasper sneaks a quick kiss in before reluctantly slipping back into his seat and putting the seat belt back on. “Thank you.”

“Just remember that you have to deal with me being moody, from deprivation.”

“Did you not join the mile-high club?” Leo teases.

“We didn’t have time.” Jasper sighs.

“It was a 9 hour flight. What do you mean you didn’t have time?”

“I was more than 9 hours of tired. Apparently.”

“So you prioritised sleep, over sex? Marriage sounds great.” Leo jokes.

"Do you want to talk about your sex life, Leo? How was the pandemic for you?" Jasper asks. Leo laughs but doesn't give an answer. "That's what I thought."

Watching Jasper prepare for the show was actually very interesting to Ryan. He'd not seen all the background preparation that went into the performance. Jasper spent a long time just pacing on the stage, counting how many steps it took to cross it entirely, how many to get back to the centre. All the while he's commanding the lighting box to follow him with a spotlight, to switch up the colour of the lights at certain cues. This part takes up all of the morning, before a quick break for lunch leads into a full run through. This was usually where Ryan came in. His job was to make sure the choreography was perfect and direct any changes that needed to be made.

His and Jasper's big moment had been slightly changed from the planned swift kiss to show they were together, to their unplanned make-out session from the last show. Not surprisingly, the fans had LOVED that and neither Jasper or Ryan had a problem with the idea of doing that every single night. It was just unfortunate that what had started as a spontaneous moment for them was now a scripted part of the show, right down to some of the more flirty remarks they'd made towards one another after the kiss. Nothing more sexy than having scripted flirts with your husband.

With the run through all complete and everyone seeming happy with it, everyone splits off to get ready for the actual performance. Jasper is ushered off to the shower backstage, dressed, hair and make-up done and is standing in the wings with the microphone in his hands. He closes his eyes and listens to the chatter of excited fans waiting to see him, somehow more nervous about this show, than he was about the first one. It was a feeling like no-other. The pressure and the rush of adrenaline that came with performing was one he hoped would never get old. The lights go out and the audience screams with anticipation. With a grin on his face and the co-ordinator instructing him, he takes his starting position.

“Thank you, goodnight!” Jasper shouts as he stands center stage and waits for the lights to go down on yet another thrilling performance. He takes off into the wings without hesitation, passing his microphone to audio tech on his way past. He exits into the hall, heading straight to his dressing room, immediately disappointed that Ryan wasn't there waiting for him. Rolling his eyes he grabs his phone, calling his husband.

"Hey, is the show over already?" Ryan asks.

"Yes, where are you?"

"Helping the girls pack up down in room E."

"Of course you are. You know I pay them the same amount whether they do the job themselves or you help them." Jasper sighs as he heads down the hall towards where Ryan was. Ryan walks out of the room and starts heading towards Jasper.

"You know I can't help myself. I need to have something to do." Ryan tells him, hanging up the phone as he reaches Jasper.

"I have something for you to do." Jasper answers, smoothly grabbing Ryan’s arm and leading him back up and into the dressing room. Jasper lets go of Ryan and starts taking his own clothes off, leaving them in a pile on the dressing table.

"Ooh.” Ryan comments, closing the door behind them. "Aw." He sighs as Jasper pulls on tracksuit pants and a jumper.

“What?” Jasper frowns at him, knowing damn well what.

“So you really just made me come in here to watch you get changed?” Ryan asks, catching the smirk on Jasper’s face and taking that as enough of an answer.

“You thought I brought you in here for a quickie? Ry, seriously. It’s way too early in the tour for that. I’m still trying to make a good impression on these people.” Jasper rolls his eyes. “You coming?” Jasper asks very deliberately as he walks back over to Ryan, pressing himself against his husband’s body and leaning in until their lips are almost touching. “We’ve got a plane to catch.” He whispers.

“You better not be tired.” Ryan warns, wrapping his arms around Jasper and not letting him pull away.

“Don’t worry, I’m still hyped up from the show. You’ve got about half an hour before I crash.” Jasper replies, running his hands down Ryan’s chest.

“Which way to the car?” Ryan asks, grabbing Jasper’s hand and practically dragging him out of the dressing room. Jasper loved the urgency in the way Ryan had gone from helping the backstage staff pack up, to needing the get out of here asap. They get outside where Leo is waiting by the back passenger door. He gives them a polite smile as he opens the car door, neither Jasper nor Ryan acknowledging him at all as Jasper pushes Ryan into the car and climbs in on top of him. Leo closes the door, seemingly unphased by what was going on in the back. He gets in the driver’s seat and starts the car.

“Any time you two want to get your hands off each other long enough to put seatbelts on so I can drive, that’d be great.” Leo calls out. Jasper and Ryan don’t appear to give half a shit where they are, too caught up in their heated kiss, but they manage to between them, find enough self-control to separate. “So, Grace’s appointment’s rescheduled, pushed back a few hours. You'll have some time to kill after the flight lands. What would you like to do?”

“We should probably do some house hunting, get ourselves organised for after tour.”

“I’d like a massage, actually.” Jasper stretches and gives a groan while Ryan gives him a disappointed look. “What? I don’t really feel like walking around looking at houses.”

“Jas, we kinda have to, or we’re going to run out of time. My lease is up and we're not all going to be able to just move in with Beth."

"She'd love that." Jasper smiles at Ryan, who is too stressed by Jasper's nonchalance to take anything as a joke right now. “We’ve literally got half a year, don't worry. We're not going to be homeless.”

“We're already a month into tour, it's flying by. You know how long it takes to get all the paperwork and stuff done, plus set up a house? We’ll need at least a few months. I don’t want to walk into an empty house with a newborn. I want to feel organised. I’m a little anxious.” Ryan sighs, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

“About?”

“What do you think?”

“The scan?” Jasper asks. Ryan just nods. “If there’s more than one baby in there, Grace is keeping one.”

“Oh god I didn’t even think of that. What if it’s twins?”

“How did you not even think of that? I’m a twin. Her last kids were twins. It is the only thing I’ve been thinking about.” Jasper states and there’s a few moments of silence between them as they both decide to internalize that panic.

“Well, I guess it’d be ok if it was like Bailey and Atticus. I wouldn’t mind a boy and a girl,” Ryan shrugs.

“Yeah, but you’re insane,” Jasper replies.

"You're both insane. I helped a couple conceive once and I've not seen them since because they haven't slept since." Leo interrupts them.

“I wanna know about that. How and what?”

“Lovely couple. According to him, he’s bi. They’ve been married for a long time, it’s an open relationship though. They wanted to have biological children together but needed some help with that process.” Leo shrugs very matter of fact.

“Oh, that sounds familiar.” Jasper comments.

“So he was doing her, and I was doing him…”

“Less familiar. Dramatically less familiar.” Jasper bursts out in uncomfortable laughter.

“Is that not how it happened for you guys?” Leo asks sarcastically.

“Stop it, I’m going to throw up.”

“Thankfully, it wasn’t quite that involved for us. It was its own share of unconventional, but it wasn’t that.” Ryan laughs.

“Hey, wow. What is all of this about?” Ryan asks as he finds Jasper lying naked on his stomach among a ring of rose petals on Ryan's bed.

“Nothing. How was your workout?” Jasper asks.

“If’ I’d known this was waiting for me, I would have been out sooner.” Ryan walks over to the bed, eyes set shamelessly on his lover’s ass before taking a cheeky bite. Jasper’s reaction seemed nervous and somewhat reserved. “Everything ok?” Ryan asks, running his fingers gently up Jasper’s spine.

“Yeah.”

“Jas, you promised you wouldn’t do that anymore. Something is obviously up.” Ryan sighs and sits on the bed beside Jasper.

“Well, I was hoping you would be.” Jasper replies with a smirk.

“Mm, are you deflecting?” Ryan points out more than asks.

“I was trying to set a mood. I’m just not as good at the romance stuff. And I’m a little nervous that we might make a baby tonight if all goes to plan.” Jasper smiles sweetly.

“Oh. Is Grace…”

“Apparently tonight is a good night. They’re going to come over when we’re done.” Jasper nods and chews his lip.

“That’s so exciting.” Ryan’s smile was everything Jasper couldn’t resist. Partly just because he was nervous and needed to hold Ry, Jasper pulls him down for an emotion fueled kiss. Ryan was clearly a little nervous himself at the thought of this actually happening now. They had talked about it and planned it, but doing it was a big step. Not one he doubted or felt unprepared for, but the pressure was undeniable, regardless. Jasper had planned on not telling Ryan until he absolutely had to, because he didn’t want to psych him out and make this hard, or… Not so hard.

Luckily, that became the opposite of a problem the moment Ryan started focusing on getting Jasper off. Just because Ryan was the one that was being used to inseminate, didn’t mean he was about to let this be one-sided. Jasper probably should have known that Ryan would take the time to make sure he wasn’t missing out. In hindsight, he should have turned the oven down, then they wouldn't have ended up with the smell of burnt roast wafting through the house and setting off the smoke alarms right before Grace, Flynn and their mini tribe of children turned up.

In his mind, this was going to be fine. But there was something about watching Ryan on the floor with Atticus in his arms drinking a bottle, Bailey army crawling across the floor to bite Ellie who was being unnecessarily moody but at least she was minding her own business, that made him feel like this was all a terrible idea.

Jasper LOVED being an uncle. When Grace was settling in with the twins, he’d offered to have Ellie over several times, or taken her out to play at parks while Grace and Flynn rested. He could show her how to play little songs on the piano and she would watch him with amazed eyes as he played more complicated ones. They could play some games and dance and sing together. He knew all the words to every song from Frozen and was yet to get sick of them. They always had a lot of fun. Staying up past bedtime, making pancakes and calling it dinner, all the fun stuff parents said no to. But it took 3 years for Ellie to be this much fun. He and Ryan had to get through the newborn stage and whatever biting nightmare stage the teething twins were in, to get to that fun part themselves.

He was also absolutely terrified at the idea of ending up with twins themselves, because god were Grace’s babies a handful! One was hard enough work. They hadn't forgotten how much sleep they all lost when Eleanor had first been born and they'd been living with Jasper and Ryan. He couldn't even imagine how exhausted Grace and Flynn were doing double the work. He was fairly sure the only reason they were down for surrogacy was because once a month until they conceived, Jasper and Ryan would be babysitting their children while they were doing whatever was taking them so long in this process.

Oh, and dinner was a sweet idea, because otherwise Jasper felt like he was just inviting Grace around to borrow her uterus. But sitting at the dinner table and trying not to think about the fact his sister had his boyfriend’s semen inside her was very uncomfortable. He didn't know who was the most uncomfortable, actually, because Flynn wasn't able to look at Ryan at all.

Still, after they all left, Jasper and Ryan had absolutely just laid together and cried about how massive a step they'd taken. They were excited; they were nervous, and they loved each other so deeply. It was not surprising, but it did take some of the joy away when they found out they hadn't been successful.

The next round, Ryan had been strictly abstaining to improve the chances of successful insemination, because the whole pandemic thing hadn't been enough of a cockblock, they had to restrict themselves despite their freedom. There was no burnt roast, at least. Instead, Jasper kept it simple and whipped up creamy pasta for dinner. A meal he regretted when he sat across from his sister at the dinner table and remembered how uncomfortable this part of the night was, also how much mess small children could make. At the end of the night, Jasper and Ryan shared a hopeful hug, but they were clearly less excited. The reality that pregnancy could take some time to happen, was sinking in.

The disappointment of the second negative pregnancy test was where the dynamic changed. Neither of them were really in the mood for the third try. They knew even couples trying to naturally conceive could take months to fall pregnant, but they had been naively positive that they wouldn’t struggle. Grace fell pregnant by mistake for Ellie, for the twins ‘Flynn just had to look’ at her apparently, so they had expected it would happen just as easy for them. Things took a turn as Ryan started taking this much more seriously. Taking specific vitamins to boost his chances, changing his diet and everything. It took all the excitement and fun out of the whole process for all of them and did nothing. They only ended up more disappointed when they got the third negative.

After the 4th negative, Ryan shut down and Jasper didn’t hear much from him until the next round. When Jasper turned up that night, it was far from the excitement and the love needed to be starting a family. Instead, Jasper had to sit down and remind Ryan that this could take them a long time, but if they weren’t doing this as a couple, then they weren’t going to do it at all. The first of many parenting issues they would have to face together, not becoming parents as soon as they hoped. By the time that emotional conversation was done, they had a very short amount of time to flip the mood around, but surprisingly, they managed. Only going through with it because 'what it this round takes'?

From there, they both just tried to enjoy the process and not stress about how long it would take. They only brought up how long it was taking, when Jasper impatiently dropped the line, “can you hurry up, my sister is going to be here in a few minutes.”

“That really helps, thank you. I'm definitely closer now that you added pressure and mentioned her. Love the bedroom talk.” Ryan replied sarcastically.

"You're welcome. Ok, that's either the pizza or uterus, so I'll have to leave you to finish yourself off." Jasper sighs as he hears the doorbell ring.

And that was the round that took. At least back when they had started trying, it was romantic. Well played little embryo. It seemed like that little bundle of cells was mocking them already and Jasper kinda loved that.