The Next Stage - 41. Not Going To Plan

“Well done today, everyone. Remember, we’re starting dress rehearsals next week, so consider your costumes before deciding what to eat over the weekend,” the director calls as the cast leave the stage. The full run-through had gone almost perfectly, and Ryan can’t help lamenting that the feedback wasn’t more positive. On his way backstage, he offers some kind words to as many people as he can.

“It’s my wedding anniversary tonight, and I’m pretty sure Kate will divorce me if I don’t eat whatever she’s lovingly whipped up for us tonight. So, I’m just going to not eat tomorrow.” One of the dancers Ryan has been working closely with states after he compliments her on how she nailed her tap-dance solo today.

“Don’t starve yourself. I’m pretty sure Gibson only meant not to gorge yourself.” Ryan states with a polite smile.

“You can tell he’s new to this, right?” Elliott’s voice pulls Ryan’s attention to face his smug face. “That’s right, Chicago fired you before we got to the ‘time to activate your eating disorders’ pep-talks.”

Ryan frowns, hoping this is an exaggeration. “Okay, well, nobody needs to be starving themselves. We don’t need people passing out on stage.”

“Unless it’s you.” Elliott’s smile is a reminder that if Ryan died mid-show, he’d simply step over his body and into the spotlight.

Ryan shrugs it off. He’s gone from enjoying Elliott’s attitude because it reminds him of Jasper back in his petty career ruining days, to finding each and every statement that comes from Elliott’s lips is intentionally cruel. It’s not banter, he’s just a selfish jackass who wants to take everyone down to make himself look better. “Unlucky for you I’m not going to risk my health like that.”

“Then I hope your work-out routine is going to be intense, because everyone is going to see a lot of you. Those little gold shorts aren’t going to hide a single carb.”

“I don’t have anything to worry about, Elliott. Worry about your own insecurities.” Ryan calls back, texting his mom to let her know he’s on his way to pick up the kids.

**** 

Mark, leaning back in his seat with a smile on his face, hits play. The music starts, and he closes his eyes, taking in the sound without distraction. From time to time, his smile widens and Jasper can’t help but feel the thrill of validation. It’s a long 3 minutes and 12 seconds before the song winds down and Mark opens his eyes, sitting forward and opening his mouth to speak but closes it with an almost offended expression as the first song transitions into the second.

“Oh!” he pauses the song. “Jasper, that was so crisp! I’ve got goosebumps! I want to talk about it, but I also don’t want to keep interrupting the music.” Mark hits play again and crosses his arms, shaking his head.

Jasper and Luke exchange a pleased look. They listen in silence to the remainder of the album. Mark claps as the final bars fade off.

“Wow. I knew you were ready to make it on your own.” Mark exhales a heavy, satisfied breath.

“It was actually good?” Jasper asks.

Mark scrunches up a piece of paper and throws it at Jasper playfully. “Don’t doubt yourself. Head high. You produced a solid album here and I am so thrilled to get to watch you two fly all on your own. The sound, the transitions, the lyrics, the experimental tones and mixes, they were absolutely gorgeous. You make an old producer want to cry with pride. Mostly because I can finally retire.”

“That means a lot. Thank you so much. For everything you’ve done for us over the years.” Jasper smiles.

“It’s been an honor.” Mark says, turning and looking up at the wall behind him. “I’m looking forward to finally adding another record to the wall. I’ve been saving a space for your comeback.”

Jasper’s eyes follow. The Obsolete’s album is displayed, with Jasper’s first two solo albums beside it followed by an empty frame.

“What if we didn’t have a comeback?” Jasper asks.

“I knew you would. Music is part of you. I’m thrilled for you both, truly. I can’t wait to hear all of these songs live. I hope a tour is in the plans.”

Jasper and Luke both give stressed, bordering on hysterical laughs at the suggestion. It’d taken them longer to finalize the album than expected, so a tour, while the goal, was definitely a while off. Everything had been more complicated than Jasper imagined it’d be, but he’s learning to adjust his goals to be more realistic.

“Tour will have to wait, at least until Ryan’s finished starring in a Broadway Musical,” he says, only slightly jealous that Ryan’s career is powering ahead while Jasper’s feels like it’s trickling along and constantly having to pause. As much as he wants to support Ryan’s venture on Broadway, he’s legitimately hoping the next show is one Ryan has no interest in, so Jasper can get back in the spotlight himself.

**** 

“What a sight to come home to.” Jasper says, dropping his keys on the bench and taking a seat on the lounge, watching Ryan shirtlessly doing push-ups with both kids on his back, giggling with every move. Jasper tilts his head, focusing on every bulge of Ryan’s muscles. “You know, sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve to have you as my husband.”

Ryan smiles, but he doesn’t speak.

Jasper groans, sips his water then gives a resigned sigh. “This is torture.”

Jasper gets off the lounge and moves closer to Ryan, who manages a grunted, “don’t.”

“I tried. I genuinely tried to resist but your arms are taunting me and I can’t not lick your biceps.” Jasper says, poking his tongue out and sweeping it over Ryan’s muscle.

“Jas.” Ryan huffs out a laugh, trying not to let it stop him. Then just to show off, he lifts his other hand and wipes his arm.

Jasper dramatically gasps. “Stop it.” he moves to in front of Ryan then lies on his back and wiggles himself back until he’s upside down looking into Ryan’s eyes. As Ryan lowers himself, he steals a kiss from Jasper’s lips. “Get back here.” Jasper laughs the moment Ryan lifts himself again.

“You’re annoying.” Ryan breathes. This time, when their lips touch, he holds the position for longer until Jasper breaks the kiss, laughing. “What?” Ryan asks, rising up again, shuffling towards the lounge and tilting his body so the kids tumble off onto the lounge in a fit of giggles.

“I can’t explain.” Jasper says sitting up and trying not to look at Ryan.

“You interrupted my work out for nothing?” Ryan asks, crawling over to Jasper.

“It wouldn’t have been for nothing if the kids weren’t here,” Jasper whispers.

“Oh?”

“One day, I’m going to make you blow me while doing push-ups.”

Ryan laughs. “Are you ever not horny?”

“Every breath you take is an aphrodisiac to my loins.” Jasper replies.

“Ok. I’m going for a shower. It’s your turn to watch the kids.” Ryan stands up and turns to walk away while Jasper wolf-whistles after him.

“Daddy, hungry.” Jasmyn whines as she climbs off the couch.

“Daddy is hungry.” Jasper nods, then turns his attention to the kids. “Oh, you’re hungry. Ohhh. Let's see what we’ve got for you to eat.”

**** 

“We’re getting better at the bedtime routine.” Ryan says just before being pushed down onto the bed, Jasper climbing on top of him, almost furious with need. “Calm down, babe. We’ve got plenty of time. It’d be nice to make use of that for once.” Ryan says, rolling them over and pinning Jasper to the bed. “I want to take my time with you.”

“Every time we try that something... oh, on fucking cue! I hate this universe. I hate it. Who the fuck is calling me?” Jasper demands, fishing his phone from his pocket and holding it to his ear. “Grace. She’s what?” Jasper softens and nudges Ryan off him. “What can we do? No, Grace, I understand that, but does she want us there? Oh, of course. Keep us posted, ok? Thanks Grace, give her a big hug from me and tell her she’s got this.” Jasper is shaken by the time he hangs up the phone.

“Is it Beth and the baby?” Ryan asks.

“Yeah.” Jasper nods, taking a deep breath. “Apparently her health has taken a turn and bub has stopped growing, so they’ve induced her.” Jasper can barely finish the sentence without breaking down in tears.

“They will be ok though, now. Right?” Ryan asks, wrapping his arms around Jasper.

“I think so. Her body just isn’t coping with the pregnancy.” Jasper sighs, leaning into Ryan’s embrace.

“How long is it going to take for her to have the baby?” Ryan asks, already grabbing his phone to look up anything he can.

Jasper shrugs. “Could be minutes, could be hours.”

“Okay.” Ryan relaxes back on the bed, drawing Jasper down with him. “I guess we’ll just be waiting.”

“Yep. This is gonna be the longest...” Jasper’s phone beeps with a text. The last person he expects to hear from is Grace so soon. “She’s being taken into surgery. Sorry Ry, I have to go. I can’t not be there if something goes wrong.”

“Let me call mom and see if she can stay the night here.”

**** 

“Grace, what’s going on? Is she okay?” Jasper asks as soon as they get there.

“They are okay now. Both of them are okay.” Grace says, hugging him tight. “They induced her but bub didn’t want to come out on her own so they had to take her for a c-section. Beth’s in recovery and bub is up in the neonatal ICU. You guys didn’t have to come here. You won’t be able to see them, anyway.”

“We’ll be here when we can see them.” Ryan says, massaging Jasper’s shoulders.

“Were you with her when they took her in for surgery?” Jasper asks.

“I wasn’t allowed to be.” Grace shakes her head. “Only family.”

“So she was alone?”

“Flynn went with her. Actually, he’s been in the bathroom for a while.” Grace is barely finished saying it before Jasper is walking away towards the nearest bathroom.

He’s surprised to find Flynn sitting against the wall of the bathroom with a hand over his face.

“You good?” Jasper asks, sitting beside him.

Flynn fakes a smile and puts his arm around Jasper’s shoulders. “Pretty fucked up to be honest. You?”

“I wish I’d been here.” Jasper sighs.

Flynn laughs. “Trust me, you don’t. It’s absolutely fucking wild watching a woman’s stomach be sliced open, and a human taken out of it.”

“Was Beth alright?”

“She was pretty scared. I just held her hand while they were doing it and tried to be comforting and reassuring. I have no idea if I even helped.” Flynn sighs.

“Making sure she didn’t have to go through it alone would have helped. You’ve done so much for her and I don’t quite know how to fully express and thank you for all of it.”

Flynn squeezes Jasper’s shoulders. “This family is so insane and I’m here for it.”

“Clearly.” Jasper says, nudging him. “Wanna get out of the bathroom, though?”

“Not really.”

“Let me re-phrase that. Let’s get the fuck out of the bathroom.” Jasper says, getting up and extending a hand to Flynn. Flynn takes it, lets Jasper pull him to his feet, then into an appreciative hug. “Thanks for being there for her.”

“I got her into this. The least I could do is show up when she needs a hand to hold.” Flynn shrugs, stepping back from Jasper. “She nearly broke my hand, though. Look.”

Jasper laughs at the finger mark bruises on the back of Flynn’s hands. “Oh, poor you. Fucking sook.”

**** 

It’s almost an hour later that Beth is moved to a private room and allowed visitors, though she doesn’t look all that pleased to see her loved one's coming in the door. She’s staring off out the window absently and doesn’t even reply when everyone says hi. Jasper pulls up a chair by her side and sits silently. He takes her hand, and she closes her eyes, a soft tear forming. Jasper wipes it away and replaces the tear with a gentle kiss. Flynn says something about how he’s glad she’s alright. Grace promises to be her for her if she needs any help. Then the two leave. Nobody asks about why there’s no cot in her room, or where the baby is. Ryan rubs Jasper’s shoulders as the two wait in silent agony to hear anything at all.

It’s a gentle knock on the door and the empathetic tone from one of the nurses that finally breaks the tension in the room.

“Elizabeth, did you want to try breastfeeding?”

Jasper and Ryan both breathe a sigh of relief to know the worst isn’t what they are here dealing with. Beth’s baby made it through all the hell of the pregnancy and the trauma of birth.

“No.” Beth’s voice is croaky.

“Would you like us to bring her to you so you can hold her while she feeds?”

“No.”

“I understand you’ve had an exhausting experience, and you need your rest. Bonding between mother and baby is very important, but we won’t push you. Whenever you are ready to see her, just press the buzzer and we’ll bring her to you.” With the gentle click of the door, the room feels absent in a whole new way.

Jasper swallows back all the things he wants to say or ask, knowing none of them are helpful to her right now. To his surprise, Beth speaks.

“You probably think I’m a bad mom.”

“I don’t think that at all,” Jasper answers quickly.

“I wanted to enjoy it.” Beth’s voice trails off and Ryan cracks open the lid of her water bottle, places a straw in it and offers her the drink. She takes a small sip then gives a grateful nod. “The pregnancy. The birth. The first moments as a mother. It’s all just been...” she struggles to find the word.

“You’re allowed to mourn that it wasn’t how you expected it to be.”

“No, I expected it to be terrible. I just expected to cope. I expected my body to cope. I’m a woman. I’m made to grow and bring life into the world. To nurture it. I’ve failed at the one thing my body is supposed to do.” Beth’s voice breaks as the distress overflows into a stream of unstoppable tears. Jasper gently hugs her, his own heart breaking as he feels her pain emulating through him. As though trying to help by taking some of Jasper’s pain, Ryan rubs his back soothingly and the three stay like this, trying to balance the sadness with comfort until they are interrupted again by another knock on the door.

“Elizabeth, sorry to interrupt. I’ve just got your medications here.” Another nurse strolls in with a medicine cup.

“You two should go.” Beth suggests. “Get home to your own babies and love them.”

“It’s okay, we can stay as long as you need.” Jasper replies, stroking her forehead.

“Please. I need rest, and you have no idea what I’m going through. You guys and Flynn have no idea. Even Grace. I know you mean well, but I don’t want to talk to any of you right now.” Beth’s words sting, and Ryan’s hand takes Jasper’s as he slowly moves from Beth’s side, trembling at how overwhelmed he feels.

“Can we visit you in the morning?” Ryan asks, calmly.

“Yes.” Beth nods, taking the medicine cup and wincing as she tries to adjust how she’s lying so she can take the pain pills.

“Okay. Love you Beth, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Ryan says, leading Jasper away.

“Love you.” Jasper calls to her, his voice betraying him with its tearful tone. He does well not to break down the whole way through the maternity hallways that are filled with sweet newborn cries and excited chatter, clicks of cameras and the distant moaning of labouring women. Jasper could remember how it felt to leave Grace after she birthed Jasmyn, but he couldn’t even put that feeling on the same level as how it is to leave Beth.

The moment the car door is shut, he lets out the deep and complicated agony through tears.

“She’ll be alright, Jas. They’ll both be alright. We just need to let her have space.” Ryan assures him, leaning over to embrace Jasper.

“Beth’s the sweetest. She doesn’t deserve any of this,” Jasper sobs.

“I know. But she’ll get through. And she’ll let us help her when she’s ready.”