Tales of Inanimate Objects - 2. Chapter 2

Coming in many different shapes and sizes, he is always there for you and whatever else you have. Set your drinks down, eat your pizza and wings, and lean on him when you have one too many. There is no shame if you need him. Hell, some people sleep on or under him; he just wants to be used. Elbows… Oh, he loves a good elbow.

He loves attention, and he sure gets a lot of it. Anything and everything pleases him. A caress to feel his skin, a scratch from a finger, and especially a good smack when you're happy. That makes him happy too. He even appreciates being clothed from time to time.

Dear God help him when someone spills a drink on him. Paper towels and napkins galore. Gentle hands roam, and that will make him blush. Have you ever wondered why he starts to wobble? Keep that in mind next time you tip your beer over.

Not all things are fun and games in his world though. There are terrible acts he can be subjected to. To the bastards who take a knife to him, he will be scarred for life. Stick your chewing gum under him, and you are marked as a heathen for years to come. You can give him your name and number, but he won't call you.

Made from stone, ceramic, or wood, the object will always be sturdy, but he's still not safe. His brethren have been known to break, and it scares him. Those who live in the rougher establishments surely lived terrible lives. Tornadoes looked more fun than the bar fights he heard about. What a brutal way to die. To be shattered or halved by a human body. If he breaks a leg, you look at him as if he was at his own funeral. He respects those with the craftsmanship to repair him, but often expects to be taken out to the curb.

The curb; his purgatory. He hopes for someone to come save him. His kind wishes to be brought into a new home, given new life with glue and nails. A bit of paint or stain fixes his blemishes. Unfortunately, he's likely to see the reaper and be tossed into the crushing dump truck.

He's, arguably, the most reliable object in the world. Everyone uses him, and he's always there for you. Need a free hand? He'll be there for you. Kick your feet up when you sit on his friends. Whether you realize it or not, he's the focal point of every dinner you have. Set the food down and say your grace. Just make sure to wipe up the crumbs.

Show some respect. He's a soldier putting up with your crap. You leave your beverages, clatter your silverware, and set heavy items on his back and shoulders. You bring your loved ones around him to celebrate your life, but give no recognition for his service. Is there another object out there who bears such a weight on Earth? One must wonder.