Incandescence - 27. Lull

Things were organized chaos. There had been so much planning it had seemed endless. I was more comfortable with where we were now. I still had unease gnawing at my insides, but it wasn’t a sharp pain like it had been originally. As anticlimactic as Rydian and the Illiathian navy had been, I was worried about Serran. There was no way to be sure what we were up against. All we could do was prepare for every scenario we could think of and train until we couldn’t stand. According to the timeline Eon put together, we would be going any day now. Leaving Wyn and Eira alone made me nauseous, but I had to admit that Talon and I could end this faster together.

“Now, explain to me how leaving your face unguarded that entire time was a good technique?” Talon said, fixing the wrappings on his hands. Wyn was glaring at him across the courtyard, panting hard and sweating.

“Child, we’ve talked about this. Your father got over that quick when I just started hitting him in the face.” Wren sighed as he scooped up some rose petals from the fountain. He held the scarlet pieces up to Eira who was laying on his chest. How his feral and violent nature translated into being good with children, I would never know.

“I’m not going to hit him in the face.” Talon rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t fair. You’re so much bigger than me!” Wyn complained and I smiled as I remembered almost uttering the exact same phrase.

“There are people smaller than me who can hold their own. There are people bigger than me too.” Talon scoffed.

“There are plenty of people who can beat your father. He’s not the end all be all.” Eon mumbled from where he sat next to me, flipping through papers I had no interest in checking out.

“Step on up Eon dearest. It’s been a while.” Talon grinned.

“Yeah!” Wyn said, eyes huge, “That’d be awesome! Beat him up Uncle Eon!”

“I do not have time for games. I’m busy doing actual work.” Eon’s eyes lifted just as Talon was mocking him, flapping his fingers down to meet his thumb in an action that looked a little like a duck. He acted ashamed when Eon caught him, but it wasn’t convincing as he was grinning. Eon stared blankly at Talon until my husband rolled his eyes and flashed him a very inappropriate gesture involving his middle finger.

“I’ll do it.” I said as I stood and brushed off my pants, “It’ll be good practice.”

If possible, Wyn’s eyes grew wider, “No. Way.”

Talon laughed and tilted his head to the side, “I’m not trying to hit my husband. It’s not a good look.”

“That is, if you can hit me.” I said, stretching my arms behind me.

Something dangerous glinted in Talon’s eyes and he smirked, “You think I can’t?”

“I don’t ever remember you talking this much. Stalling husband dearest?” I asked, rotating my arms in circles.

He laughed again, “Oh. I’m going to knock you on that spectacular ass.”

“Gross!” Wyn yelled, covering his ears.

I was a little jittery as I jumped from foot to foot. I wasn’t delusional. I knew Talon would always be a better fighter than I was. Shaking out my hands, I wondered when the last time we sparred was. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t in this to win. Although, it would be so satisfying to wipe the smirk off his handsome face.

He gathered his hair and secured it away from his face, “Magik?”

“I don’t want to kill you.” I said, grinning.

“That’s fine. Talk your shit, lordling.”

“Oh, that’s it.”

I darted forward and tried to ensure that I kept the offensive. As soon as Talon got me on defense, I wasn’t positive how long I’d last. He was older. I might be able to wear him down. That didn’t change the fact that Talon had years of experience on me and he’d also taught me a lot of what I knew. As was made apparent when he seemed to know what I was going to do before I did it. He wasn’t even blocking properly, just dodging and bobbing out of my reach. That was another factor. The man had the most ridiculous reach. Tall freak.

“Oh, come on love. At least give Meep a show.” I took a breath and dropped, kicking my leg out and trying to sweep his legs. Talon hopped back and I narrowly missed a half-hearted hit aimed towards my face. I needed to stay focused. He was going to continue talking to get in my head. I rolled backwards and managed to block a hit, shoving his arm away from me. It gave me a bit of confidence until he used the momentum to kick me hard in the side. My ribs protested and I quickly found myself where I didn’t want to be. Defending against legs and arms that were so long, I was too far away to immediately counter.

“C’mon da! Kick his ass!”

“Language.” Eon and I said at the same time. Talon laughed again and I darted forward.

“Hello beautiful.” He was completely unbothered as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I latched on and closed my eyes as Talon gripped my hips and flipped me over his head. I twisted fast and while he was still facing away, I slid my legs between his and kicked out at his feet.

“The fuc-“

Talon’s ass hit the ground and I wrapped one arm around his throat and held tight with the other on his head. Shifting, I managed to secure the headlock properly. To everyone’s-myself included-surprise. I tightened my hold and heard Talon choke a little. He tested how tight my grip was and then tried to sit up. I managed to wriggle my legs around his hips and jammed my feet into the backs of his knees, locking his legs in place. I waited for him to start struggling as I continued tightening my grip and pulling back. I was limiting his oxygen quite a bit now but… he didn’t.

“Hm.” He murmured and gasped a little before relaxing. He moved his legs, testing again to see how strong my hold was.

His hands skimmed along my forearms and it made me nervous. I didn’t know what he was up to. When he removed his hands, I thought maybe he was going to give. Instead, he gripped my arms and held them as one of his legs began to move. Now I was struggling to keep him in the lock. When one of his legs escaped, I wrapped both of mine around his waist instead and squeezed for all I was worth. Normal people would be almost out of oxygen. If I didn’t know Talon, if I wasn’t used to how he operated, I might have thought I was having no affect. Until I noticed a small gasping noise. His chest was moving up and down rapidly. He had to be close to passing out.

His grip tightened and as my brain struggled to process what was happening, he struggled to his feet. I didn’t like where I was going. Then, he just fell backwards. His hands came up fast and cradled my head instead of letting it crack against the marble. Still, the wind was knocked clear out of me and it was enough of a shock that Talon was able to pry my arms off. He gasped and coughed.

“Gods Talon! Are you trying to flatten him?” Eon said angrily.

Gentle hands tipped my head forward and I continued to gasp as lights danced across my vision, “Hang on love. Can you heal it yourself?”

My head was still fuzzy, but it latched onto one thing: rage. I jerked and my knee came up hard. Talon let out a hoarse cry and rolled away from me. He even gagged a bit. Smiling to myself, I worked my fingers down over myself. The damage wasn’t severe. Sure, having him land on me hadn’t been pleasant but I think the air being driven from my lungs made it seem much worse. I mumbled a spell, the words coming to me slowly. As I spoke, the fog in my brain cleared up. The lights in my vision faded and I felt an odd heat in my ribs. He must’ve almost broken them.

“Da! Da! Are you okay?” Wyn’s hands were hovering above me.

“I’m alright.” I said as I sat up. Talon was laying in the fetal position facing away from me, hands between his legs, “Do you need healing?”

“Don’t talk to me. Our sex life is dead. You killed it. I hope you’re happy.” He rasped.

“Da you were so awesome!” I ran fingers gently through Wyn’s hair.

“I still would have lost.”

“Yeah, but if it wasn’t dad!”

“It was though.” I smiled.

“It was supposed to be sparring. Can you two not follow any rules? If Kalian couldn’t heal, who knows what injuries he’d have. If you hadn’t had enough forethought to protect his head, he could have a serious head injury. Trust me, they’re not fun.” Eon scolded.

“Fuck off stick in the mud. It’s hard to console my balls when all I hear is your voice.” Talon groused as he slowly sat up. I smiled. We had taken it too far, but a sadistic part of me did take note that Talon wasn’t smirking anymore.

Wyn was sulking. Aggressively. If that was possible. Running fingers through my hair, I watched him pack a bag. My patience was thin. I had tried to prevent it, but this morning, Eon himself had taken our father into custody. I wasn’t sure where they’d gone after that. I knew it made sense, but it still hurt. I hated it. He didn’t deserve my compassion. He’d proven it time and time again. This was just the latest in a long line of offenses.

Arms wrapped around me from behind and I leaned back into Talon, “Wyn, you need to hurry up and pack your clothes. Tyren is waiting.”

“Oh! So, I’m old enough to pick my own clothes? And I’m old enough to learn to fight, but I’m not allowed to make any other decisions myself?” He refused to look at us and I sighed. He’d been in rare form since we’d reiterated that he would not be joining us. Why we had to explain to a twelve-year-old that he couldn’t participate with us in all-out war, was beyond me.

“Correct. You have autonomy to pack clothes and do what we tell you. Nothing more, nothing less.” Talon said behind me, unbothered.

“That’s not fair!” Wyn shouted, whirling around to glare at us.

“That’s not fair!” Talon mocked, his voice high and shrill, “Please, you infant. I was homeless and had both my hands violently broken at your age. You can handle packing a bag to stay in a former palace.”

I deflated when tears collected in Wyn’s eyes too fast for him to hide as he turned around, “I hate you. I just want to help.”

“I hate me too. Plenty of people do. No gold star for you.” Talon said, waving him off.

“Talon, just go on. I’ll handle this.”

He held his hands up, “Fine. Fine. I just can’t deal with the spoiled brat thing. I got enough of that from you a decade ago.”

“You’re such an ass sometimes.” I muttered. I crossed the room and hesitated before running my fingers through Wyn’s messy black hair. He was too young to know what Talon’s horrible attitude was about, but after years together, it was obvious. Talon was nervous. About what specifically, I didn’t know. He didn’t like leaving Wyn behind. There wasn’t really any part of this he liked. I think if it were up to him, he’d wrap us in the softest blankets and stuff us in our estate after doing away with the windows and doors. Slightly crazy, but there was a lot of pain behind his protectiveness. He was old enough now to keep his family safe and I wondered if it felt like his control was being taken away. Again. Regardless, my preteen didn’t know any of that. I’m not sure he would’ve cared right now.

“Why can’t I help?” Wyn mumbled tearfully, keeping his face turned away from me.

“Come here.” I guided him to his bed and we sat next to each other. I took his hands in mine and tried to figure out my wording. I supposed the easiest route would be honesty. I cleared my throat and then turned to him, “It’s not that we think you’re weak or anything like that. It’s our job to keep you safe Wyn.”

“But dad and Aunt Amaris were already fighting with Uncle Wren when they weren’t much older than me!” He argued, looking up at me with fresh tears running down his cheeks.

“That doesn’t make it okay. Your dad and Amaris had horrible childhoods. As much as I can, I want to save you from that. They’ve had to do a lot of healing and I know you’ve seen your dad’s nightmares. You don’t want that darling and I don’t want it for you.”

“But I can help.” Wyn whined miserably.

“You’re going to have plenty of time to fight for and protect the people you love. It’s just not your responsibility yet.” I pulled him to me and kissed his forehead, “I want you to grow up happy.”

“What’s so great about that?” He mumbled grumpily. I laughed and held him tighter. I rested my face in his hair and inhaled. Soon, we’d be far from him and I would have to carry this moment with me. Running my fingers up and down his back, I closed my eyes.

“I want the world for you and I’m going to make sure no one who wants to hurt you still draws breath.”

“Long time boys.” Potlyne grinned up at us and shooed Loren away from where he’d been standing over her. She stood from her worktable. She set a cup of tea aside and I smiled at the matching one pressed to Loren’s lips. Potlyne’sq uarters had been expanded significantly and recently, Loren had taken up residence with his adoptive mother.

“How are you?” I said as I wrapped her in a quick hug. We’d walked in on something and I was desperately trying to ignore the tense atmosphere in the room, “Are we too early?”

“No, no. Just discussing my son’s apparent death and resurrection. Also, his new…partner.” She glanced at him and her hands rested on her hips. Loren sheepishly looked down at his feet, scratching the back of his head.

“You hesitated before partner. Are the murder princes arguing?” Talon asked as he dropped himself into a chair across from where Potlyne had been sitting.

“Why? You interested, fellow murder prince?” Loren smirked but let out a pitiful noise when his mother smacked his arm.

“You stop that. You shouldn’t be talking like that when you’ve gone and thrown yourself in the doghouse. That boy cares about you. In his own way.” Her eyes narrowed. I had a hard time believing what I was seeing when Loren looked guilty, bordering on ashamed.

“I’m just-the tension ma-“

“I didn’t ask for your excuses. When you’re making a list of infractions to apologize to that boy for, include that one. Also, apologize to Talon. He’s a married man with a family Loren.”Potlyne huffed, wagging her finger at him.

“Yes ma’am. Sorry. That was inappropriate Talon.” Loren cringed and refused to meet our eyes, hiding his behind his teacup.

“It was. I will forgive you only because Potlyne is a saint.” Talon grinned. While I was confused, Talon seemed to be enjoying this exchange immensely.

“That she is.” Loren muttered as he ran his fingers through his brown and grey hair.

“Suman’s still pissed at you then?” Talon asked.

“I’m so lost.” I shook my head and Potlyne just sighed and gestured to the podium in the middle of the room.

“Indeed.” I could hear Loren say behind me.

“This is very different from what I normally make you.” She smiled at me in the mirror, “The armor bits I will have to get help with. Unfortunately, my power is only with fabrics.”

“You threw the fight.” I was trying to listen to Potlyne as she worked. I nodded in the right places and smiled as she began to weave leather and other fabrics, I didn’t even know the name, of into something I could wear on a real battlefield. My attention was torn. I had latched onto the conversation behind me.

“Did he talk to you about it then?” Loren asked quietly. I watched him check to see if Potlyne was listening and he blew out a breath, “Yes.”

“Why? You’re one of the best I’ve ever fought. Sure, the kid was younger than you, but your skill and experience…he shouldn’t have stood a chance. I watched through Kal’s eyes. You went down way too easy.” Talon said. At least he had enough sense to also keep his words from the woman bustling around me.

“Rydian was gifted and I believe he might have had some Magik enhancing his speed.” Loren cleared his throat, “He was fast, but that still didn’t mean he was fast enough.”

“Then why? You’re not making any sense.”

“As much as you hate me, I used to think we were similar. Then, as I reflected more, I realized that isn’t what I thought at all. I was jealous. I envied you, Talon. You have a partner who loves you despite everything you’ve done and everything you are. I’ve never had that. I never got the family. I’ve never really had someone who was excited when I got home or simply happy to spend time with me. Amaris…tried, but it wasn’t in her to feel for me that way. Our whole relationship was physical.”

“She didn’t actually want it. Or me for that matter. I think after you dropped her for Kalian, she was just trying to feel for me the way she did for you.” Loren chuckled, but the sound was miserable and raspy, “Another thing you had that I never could.”

“As shit as it sounds, I never saw Amaris as something serious,and it didn’t occur to me that she had real feelings until Kalian came into the picture.” Talon answered.

Loren shook his head and set his teacup down as he sat where his mother had been, “That doesn’t really make me feel better. You had what I wanted even though you couldn’t care less.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“You know, when she left, I didn’t notice at first. She’d go off on her own for stints of time throughout our whole relationship. Then…” Loren cleared his throat, “She didn’t come back. I had gotten so used to convincing myself I was happy and it was normal, but we’d been over for a long time.”

Talon glanced at me when I couldn’t keep the jolt of pain I felt for Loren from the connection. Hearing him talk this way was heartbreaking. Talon shifted in his seat and I knew the emotionally charged conversation was making him uncomfortable, “That’s rough.”

Loren smiled, “Then I almost died in Illiath and was terrified for her. Only to realize, I didn’t even know where she was.”

“Kalian? Do you like the dark brown?” Potlyne asked. She was smiling at me, but her eyes were glassy. At that moment, I knew she hadn’t been oblivious to the conversation at all.

“The brown is beautiful Potlyne. Whatever you think. You’ve an eye for these things.” I caught her hand that’d been hovering in front of my chest and she squeezed mine.

“That’s all…depressing, but I thought you and the psycho had something going?” Talon said and both Potlyne and I paused to glare at Talon.

Loren laughed and I relaxed a bit. Maybe this is what he needed. Talon’s blunt, call it like it is attitude. It was being received surprisingly well. I had to remember these men weren’t raised like me. They didn’t think or function that same way. Their trauma had bonded them. They shared a specific brand of crazy. Like predators sizing each other up and deciding they didn’t want to engage.

“Your cousin is…far sweeter and gentler than he lets on.” Loren said softly.

“Cool. Keep your gross relations to yourself. If he’s so great, why were you willing to chomp sand?” There was some anger in Talon’s voice and I wondered if Suman was hurting more than I knew.

“I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was being lulled into that happy, easy domesticity and I was waiting for him to figure out it wasn’t what he wanted. Or, I suppose, I wasn’t. I don’t have the best track record you see. Lyrah stayed with me the longest, but…she left too. Everyone does. Not sure why it surprises me anymore.”

“The woe is me shit doesn’t suit you goblin man.” Talon said bluntly. The bond was thrumming with sympathy and empathy. Whether he’d admit it or not, this conversation had upset Talon just as much as it had me or Potlyne.

“I never left you.” Potlyne turned to Loren and he winced.

“I know mama, but they took me from you and I was alone-“

“I spent years looking for you Loren. That boy would’ve killed for you. He was beside himself.” She snapped, dabbing at her eyes.

“Suman would’ve followed you. You know that right?” I asked quietly, wrapping an arm around Potlyne’s shoulders. “He was ready to. He just wanted Rydian to go first.”

“Unfortunately for you, sounds like you found someone that’s also been left behind his whole life. You seem to move quick in your relationships, but you didn’t see his face when we were going to and through the estate. Suman hit his limit that day. Once the battle was over, it only got worse as it dawned on him. That you willingly bit it.” Talon said, a brief flare of anger riding the connection.

“It wasn’t fair to him. I know.”

“It wasn’t fair to any of us. Suman and Potlyne aren’t the only ones who care about you idiot!” I closed my eyes and covered my mouth, forcing down the pain and anger.

“You were hurting, but you weren’t alone baby.”

Potlyne crossed the room to wrap her arms around him and I swallowed hard, “We’ll come back later.”

Talon stood slowly, shaking his head. He walked to me and offered his hand. I stepped off the podium and into his arms. They wrapped around me as he held me tight for a moment. Feeling drained, I didn’t have the energy to walk home. Gold slipped around us and the last thing I saw was Loren’s eyes lit with my Magik and the tears running down his cheeks.

Shortly after jumping, we collapsed into bed and now the blankets and Talon were forming a cocoon around me, “That was a lot.”

“I understand where he’s coming from. The possession made me feel helpless like that. I didn’t want to remain here either. Loren was right. I had you. I had Wyn. For a stretch there, he thought he didn’t have anyone or anything. Never mind that his family sold him once before as a child and attempted to kill him as a man.”

“I get it, but he had us. He had Suman.”

“Sometimes, love, when you dig the hole so deep, it’s too dark down there to see the rope people have lowered for you.”

I looked up at him, brushing his bangs out of his face, “You don’t feel like that now do you?”

“Not for a long time, love.”

“Good. We’re officially over the self-sacrificing thing. We’re both making it through whatever gets thrown at us. Deal?”

Talon laughed, “Yes. It’s a deal. I don’t think Meep would ever forgive me if I let anything happen to you.”

“Or you.” I said as I kissed him softly, “He loves you too. You just have such an odd relationship.”

“It’s his fault.”

“He’s a child Talon.”

“Exactly. I never wanted those.”