The Light at the End of the Tunnel - 6. Chapter 6

Nerves of steel.

It’s what he needed in spades. Knowing that he would be holding the fate of Caleb’s sanity in his hands tomorrow morning was daunting. Asa was sure his nervousness was evident to the three wolf shifters in the room. Hell, he could smell it himself. It was like smelling your own body odor. It's undetectable to yourself unless it was awful.

“You don’t have to do this,” Caleb said. “I can figure out another way to deal with all this shit. Maybe therapy will help.”

Asa inhaled a long, slow breath, willing his heart rate to slow down before answering. “Yes, I have to do this. Otherwise, I could never live with myself. This goes way beyond what therapy can help you with. I’m nervous because of how important this is. I don’t want to make a mistake and fuck anything up.”

Giles and Santos looked across the table where they’d been for the past hour, discussing all the variables that could happen. Both men looked apprehensive–Santos more than Giles.

“Can you explain the process again, please?” the doctor asked. “The more I understand, the better prepared I can be.”

Biting his bottom lip, Asa nodded. “The first thing I’ll do is draw the silver nitrate and mercury out of Caleb’s body, so it can’t do any more damage. I’ll also look for and heal any other physical ailments before tackling the mental issues. That will be the hard part. It’s what I’m most nervous about.”

“What makes it harder?” Santos asked.

“Well, healing physical impairments merely manipulates energy to enable Caleb to heal himself. I’m not making his body do anything it’s not already capable of doing. Think of me as a catalyst. For example, an engine needs combustion in order to work.”

Caleb chuckled. “So you’re an explosion, huh?”

Asa’s face flushed at his mate’s innuendo. “Well, maybe that wasn’t the best comparison.”

Giles and Santos laughed, and the remaining tension dissipated. It made it easier to voice his concerns about rewiring Caleb’s brain to address his mental deficiencies.

“Anyway, as I explained earlier, fixing the connections that are all haywire in Caleb’s brain is complicated. There are so many ways it can go wrong. I have to find all the bad links and figure out the best way to reroute or eliminate them altogether. At the same time, I have to ensure I don’t mess with the ones that are right.”

Caleb’s face scrunched up in a way that, under different circumstances, would be cute but now only reflected worry. “So, there’s a chance you might mess with something, and it will change who I am?”

Asa frowned, unsure of how to explain his thoughts.

“I’m not sure I’m willing to risk Caleb’s mind if that’s a possibility,” Giles stated, misreading Asa’s hesitation.

“That’s not exactly what I meant. Caleb’s core personality, who he is as a person, won’t change. Um, let me see how I can explain this better.” Asa said, gathering his words. “Giles, you are an Alpha. If I were doing this to you, you would remain an Alpha no matter what changes I made to your mental connections. On the opposite side of the coin, if you were human and mate connections weren’t a consideration, and you were straight, I couldn’t make you gay. I can’t create something that’s not already established. Does that make sense?”

“That makes more sense,” Santos replied, “Caleb will still be Caleb, but the shit in his head that’s been messing him up because of the poison will be fixed.”

Smiling, Asa replied, “In a nutshell, yes. Whatever issues are left will have to be addressed the old-fashioned way–with some therapy.”

“But it’s still dangerous,” Giles pointed out.

The smile slid from Asa’s face, his forehead wrinkled with concern. “Yeah, it’s still dangerous. There’s always a risk.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Caleb declared.

Silence descended upon them, each man mulling over the repercussions of the task at hand. Caleb had the most at stake. Giles and Santos were bystanders in this. Asa felt the most pressure. Not only was Caleb’s mental state in his hands but their future as a couple was on the line too.

That future seemed to be the elephant in the room no one wanted to discuss. Even Giles and Santos had kept their opinions to themselves. Asa wasn’t sure where they stood. Hell, he didn’t know where any of them stood.

Caleb gave the impression that he didn’t want Asa as a mate. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure either. He had no idea why his life had taken such a complicated turn. Being tied to another person was a scary thought.

Asa had always considered himself independent. He struck out on his own as soon as he turned eighteen. He loved his family but didn’t want to depend on them in any way. His grandfather was the one who had set him on his chosen career path. The old man had been the best farrier and blacksmith in the state. Asa was barely out of diapers when his grandfather let him tag along.

Plenty of people thought Grandpa was crazy for allowing such a young child to shadow him as he worked. Granted, in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t such a great idea. It was a dangerous profession, working with large, unpredictable animals, not to mention the sharp tools and incendiary heat required to mold the shoes. In any case, it was a moot point. Not only did he survive his tutelage, but he also thrived, learning to do something he’d come to love.

Asa couldn’t point to anything specific he enjoyed in his work. It could have been one of a dozen things: the smell of the horses, the pungent hay of the barns, or the comforting scent of his leather gloves and chaps. The distinct odor of hot iron as he pulled it from the forge was sharp and acrid in his nostrils when he plunged the metal into water to cool it. He loved every part of it.

He loved the sounds, too. The soft equine whicker as he pulled the old shoes off. The loud hiss as steam rose from the cooling bucket. The best sound was the distinctive clop clop as a newly shod horse walked across the concrete macadam of the barn's walkway. It was a sign that his job was complete.

Working by himself was oddly comforting. Asa wasn’t sure what having a mate would do to disrupt that comfort. Would Caleb expect him to quit his job and become part of whatever pack he belonged to? Giles already told him the wolf shifter was not an official member of his.

Did they have to choose a pack to join? How would he fit in? There were so many questions Asa couldn’t answer and was afraid to ask. What if he didn’t like the answers? The thought made him feel like a child seeking approval from his elders. Logically, he knew he shouldn’t be afraid. He and Caleb were adults, for fuck’s sake. Still, the need for his mate’s approval tugged at him. I wonder if Caleb feels the same.

He would have to wait to bring it up, though. He and Caleb needed to focus on what was vitally important: his healing and recovery.

The only other time he had used his ability to fix mental issues was when Asa helped two ranch hands on one of his job sites in his mid-twenties. It wasn’t easy convincing the twin brothers to let him help. After witnessing a dozen horses and two friends die in a barn fire, the men suffered from post-traumatic stress.

Asa lied outright and told the men he studied psychology and therapy techniques in college but never graduated due to his grandfather's passing. He hid his ability under the guise of using hypnosis to help them deal with the flashbacks. Convincing them hadn’t been easy, but it had been worth it. He manipulated the synapses responsible for the nightmares and flashbacks, then reset the connections. The memories were still there, but the men were able to deal with them in a healthy way. The best part was not having to reveal his abilities.

Compared to Caleb’s issues, dealing with his friends’ PTSD was easy, although he didn’t think so at the time. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

“Asa? Hello, anybody home?”

Giles’ voice pulled him from his internal thoughts. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “Uh–, sorry. Got a little caught up in my head.”

“Yeah, we figured as much. I called your name four times,” Giles mused.

“Sorry,” he repeated. “What were you asking?”

Giles gave him a look that conveyed all was forgiven but not forgotten. “I was asking you what time you wanted to get started tomorrow. I’d like to make sure we’re here before you start.”

Asa would be attempting the healing at his house. He discovered that playing with another person’s mind took a lot out of him. After he helped his friends, he slept for eighteen hours. It took another two or three days for his energy level to return to normal. He had no idea how Caleb’s situation would affect his physical endurance. He had a feeling he would be more wiped out than he’d ever been in his life. If so, he wanted the comfort of his own bed.

“Why don’t you plan on being here by seven o’clock? I’d like the sun to be fully out so I can draw on its energy.”

“It must be nice having your own built-in battery charger,” Santos quipped.

Asa gave him a quirky, lopsided grin. “Yeah, it comes in handy,”

“Is there anything else you think we should know?” Giles asked.

Shaking his head, he said, “No, I’m pretty sure we covered all the bases. I’ll review everything in the morning just to play it safe.”

“Okay. Santos and I will be back before seven. I know it will be hard, but try to get a good night’s sleep,” Giles instructed.

“We’ll try,” Caleb replied without much conviction.

Silence reigned as soon as the Alpha and doctor were out of sight. Instead of being awkward, it was an easy silence as they sat in Asa’s kitchen, side-by-side, watching the last daylight fade on the horizon. Neither of them made a move to turn on the lights as the room grew dim.

Asa wondered what was going on in Caleb’s head. He got his answer a moment later.

“Be honest with me. Do you think this will work?”

“Yes. But it won’t be easy. I won’t lie to you. Your head is totally fucked up. You’ll still need to talk to someone after I’m finished. Not all the negativity and guilt are from the poison. The issues you had before are still there. But hopefully, you’ll be able to process and work through them more constructively.”

“You mean Vann.”

Asa caught Caleb’s gaze. Worry and fear shone brightly behind those beautiful orbs. His heart clenched in sympathy. He hated seeing his mate's pain over his perceived abandonment of his son. “Yes, I mean Vann. You need professional help to help you deal with all your emotions regarding the boy. I’ll be here to help.”

Caleb’s eyes now shone with tears. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Shush. That’s for me to decide. First, let’s get through tomorrow. Then, we can figure out the rest. Okay?” Asa kissed the side of Caleb’s head.

His mate nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Are you hungry?” Asa asked, getting up to open the refrigerator and rummaging through its meager contents. He seriously needed to learn to keep his pantry and fridge stocked. “I’ve got the fixings for a couple of sandwiches, and I think there might even be some of Mikey’s chicken noodle soup in the freezer. It shouldn’t take too long to heat up in the microwave.”

“Soup and a sandwich sound good.”

Fixing the simple meal didn’t take long, and they sat companionably at the table while they ate. Caleb asked him questions about his work. Asa enjoyed sharing that part of himself with the man.

Caleb cleaned up what little mess there was. It was still early, too early to go to bed.

“How ‘bout a game of cribbage? You do know how to play, don’t you?” Asa asked. Cribbage was a favorite of most ranchers he knew.

“It’s been a while since I played, but I guess it must be like riding a bike. You never really forget,” Caleb replied.

Asa smiled as he dug through a kitchen drawer for his crib board and a deck of cards. He quickly discovered his mate was a cutthroat player. Their friendly game turned savage as they vied for the lead.

The final play had Caleb calling out, “Fifteen-two, fifteen-four, fifteen-six and a pair for eight. Oh yeah– right Jack makes nine.” He smirked, smacking his cards down triumphantly as he moved his peg to the end of the board, scoring the win.

“No need to gloat. Let’s go for best two out of three.”

“You’re on.”

They ended up going the best four out of six. Asa couldn’t even get mad when Caleb won fair and square. The cards just weren’t on his side tonight.

He let out a yawn as Caleb shot him a shit-eating grin. “Good game.”

“Thanks. You’re a worthy opponent.”

Asa felt his cheeks redden at his mate’s praise. “My grandpa would be proud. He taught me how to play.”

“You miss him.”

Caleb’s observation was spot on. Asa’s grandfather died when he was seventeen, and it still stung. The man had been instrumental in shaping who he was.

“Yeah, I do,” he admitted. “Why don’t we call it a night?”

“Can I sleep with you again? I, um, I don’t want to be alone.”

The request touched Asa. He was honored that Caleb trusted him enough to reveal his vulnerability. “Good, ‘cause neither do I. Of course, you can sleep with me.”

Caleb took his turn in the bathroom first. When Asa finished, he felt a wave of possessiveness at seeing his mate curled up in his bed. The rightness of it hit him hard, like a bruising blow to the solar plexus. He slid in next to the man, scooting over enough to be near but not quite touching. He needed to let Caleb decide how much distance to leave between them.

It took a full minute before Caleb scooted over the remaining few inches and pulled Asa close. Shivers ran down his spine as he felt his mate inhale a lungful of scent.

“You smell incredible,” Caleb breathed.

“What do I smell like to you?” Asa knew the importance of scent to a wolf shifter.

“Like fresh wintergreen and lingering ozone after a lightning strike.”

He didn’t know why the admission thrilled him so much, but it did. He snuggled his back closer to Caleb’s front, happy to be the little spoon this time.

Despite the earlier fear of being unable to sleep, Asa soon felt the even rhythm of Caleb’s chest as his breathing indicated he’d drifted off. Knowing his mate slept soundly allowed him to settle his brain down and sink into the oblivion of unconsciousness.

***

Asa stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom. It was still dark, although the inkiness of the witching hour had softened into a pre-dawn grayness. Caleb’s soft snores were weirdly comforting. It was an action so mundane it almost felt out of place. At this moment, he felt at peace.

He knew that would change the second Caleb roused, and he allowed the reality of the task at hand to manifest itself in his psyche. Until that happened, he could pretend he wasn’t scared shitless.

There were no words to convey the sheer terror he felt. He had glossed over the true depth of the complexity of what he would be attempting. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure it would work. It wasn’t that he lied to Caleb, Giles, and Santos but merely omitted a few facts–primarily, the knowledge that he would have to draw on enormous amounts of energy. Quantities that he had never attempted before. He had no idea how it would affect him. Healing physical ailments always drained him to some extent. Manipulating the mental issues of his friends had wiped him out for an entire day. He was clueless about what the toll would be trying to heal Caleb.

Speaking of, the man in question stirred, sighing softly against the back of Asa’s head. He smiled as his mate’s dick plumped up against his ass.

Turning over, he grinned as Caleb opened his eyes. “Good morning.”

“G’mornin’.” Caleb’s voice was gruff with the remnants of sleep. It was hella sexy.

Unable to help himself, Asa leaned in and captured the Alpha’s lips with his own. A soft, whimper-like sound escaped his throat as Caleb accepted the kiss. The whimper turned into a growl as the kiss deepened. Christ, this guy was going to kill him, and they hadn’t done anything beyond kissing. Fuck only knew what would happen when they took things further.

Reluctantly, Asa pulled back. As much as he would love to explore where things were headed, anything more would use up energy he couldn’t afford to spare. “Sorry. I’d really love to continue, but you’ll have to take a rain check.”

“Well, that fucking sucks.”

Asa laughed. It was precisely what he needed to ease the tension he felt building the moment he realized Caleb was awake.

“Yeah, it does.”

Caleb’s eyes locked onto his. His heart sped up as they held the gaze. Asa’s thoughts were jumbled until, finally, his mate looked away.

“Are you ready for this?” Caleb asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He cleared his throat. “Uh– are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

Asa wasn’t hungry either. In fact, he started to feel nauseous. However, he knew he had to eat. He would need the calories in addition to the sunlight. “You need to eat something. C’mon, I’ll fix us breakfast.”

Caleb pitched in, and soon, they had a spread fit for a small army. It was almost six-thirty when Asa heard the telltale crunch of tires on the dirt lane leading to his house. Giles and Santos were at his door moments later.

Santos sniffed the air and hummed appreciatively when Asa invited them to sit. They methodically piled their plates high with pancakes and sausages.

“Okay, Asa. What last-minute instructions do you have for us?” Giles asked as he washed down a bite of food with coffee.

Here was his last chance to come clean. “Well, first, you need to know a few things. No matter what, I don’t care if you think one of us is about to drop dead. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT break the connection between Caleb and myself. Don’t touch us. Not even to make sure we’re still breathing. The consequences could be devastating. Caleb's sanity or mine could shatter, permanently damaging one or both of us. ”

Asa looked the Alpha in the eye, not as a challenge but as a way to emphasize his point. He refused to look away until Giles nodded in understanding. Santos’ eyes were wide as he watched the exchange, but he, too, nodded his agreement. Anyone who stared down an Alpha had to be dead-to-rights serious.

“I have no idea how long this will take. When it’s over, the connection will break of its own accord. Then, and only then, can you intervene, understand?”

Again, Giles and Santos each gave a nod. Giles was clearly unhappy. A scowl furrowed his forehead. In any other circumstances, Asa would be intimidated. Standing his ground helped get his point across.

His voice was edged with seriousness as he addressed Santos. “I might pass out or possibly get sick. Just take care of me like any other patient suffering from exhaustion. If you need to hook me up to intravenous fluids, do it. I trust your judgment. Please promise you won’t interfere until the connection breaks naturally.”

Santos’ lips thinned as he pressed them together before replying, “As a doctor, I have an obligation to help. But I also took an oath to do no harm. I promise to follow your instructions."

Relief flooded Asa’s system. Further validation came from Giles as he added his promise to Santos’. Looking out the window, he saw the sun was solidly over the horizon.

“Let’s do this.”

Previously, they’d reviewed the plan for where Asa wanted to perform the healing. Outside was best, but not in direct sunlight. Without knowing how long it would take, he didn’t want Caleb or himself to suffer any sunburn. He couldn’t shift while he healed; therefore, he was at risk, just like anyone else.

He chose the porch on the south side of his house. The light would be strong enough throughout the day to aid him as necessary. The forecast called for clear skies all day. He hoped it would be long enough. Plus, the location was convenient for Giles and Santos should they need to attend to the call of nature. As for him and Caleb, well, they might piss themselves at some point.

They used the bathroom before heading outside to avoid that for as long as possible. In the mirror, Asa chided himself for not knowing precisely what he was getting into. It was too late to call things off, even if he wanted to. He was invested in Caleb and had to see this through, no matter the outcome.

Stepping onto the porch into the cool morning air, he wiped his sweaty palms on the soft material of the loose sweatpants he’d thrown on. Caleb had taken his advice and donned a pair of sweats, too. A soft, black, long-sleeve t-shirt hung from his lanky frame, its sleeves pushed up.

While they were using the facilities, Giles and Santos had dragged two comfortable chairs from the living room and set them facing each other. They were close enough to the edge of the porch so that Asa could stretch an arm out to the side without breaking the connection and absorb the sunlight if necessary.

His heart hammered as they sat and got comfortable. In a gesture as sweet as it was reassuring, Caleb cupped Asa’s face, drawing him in for a sweet kiss.

“You got this,” he whispered. His mate’s confidence bolstered him, and he nodded, giving Caleb a grateful smile.

“Here we go.”

Asa reached for Caleb, gently grasping his face and drawing their foreheads close. He pulled in a shaky breath, then let it out in one steady motion before closing the distance. His hands moved down to clasp Caleb’s forearms securely. In return, his mate’s grip tightened on him.

Instantly, his back arched, muscles locking tight as a bright light enveloped them. In the background, he heard a gasp from either Giles or Santos. After that, nothing but the synchronized beating of his and Caleb’s hearts, thumping a loud but steady beat.

He felt something akin to wispy tendrils of energy break off and enter Caleb, stretching and searching for damage like a heat-seeking missile. The arduous journey began. Images of damaged cells, misshapen from the poison, beckoned as if they were a blinding strobe from a lighthouse. As a ship following the beacon, he honed in on the damage. His energy became a fishing trawler casting its nets. He gathered the poison, drawing it in, storing it the same way a boat held its catch.

Time ceased to exist as Asa sought out the silver and mercury. Meticulously, he gathered every single molecule. When he was sure he had it all, he turned his attention to Caleb’s mind.

Never before had he encountered such chaos. He felt like he was caught in a maelstrom, tossed relentlessly on waves of darkness that threatened to crash over him. He needed a better game plan.

Asa pulled back to the fringes of Caleb’s mind and tried to look at the broader picture. It was like staring at a tornado bearing down on you. Scary as fuck. He didn’t know where to start. Frustration ate at him, nearly overtaking him.

At that moment, a soft whisper drifted over him. “Please.”

On another level, he registered tears streaming down his face, his inert body unable to control them. He could do this. He had to.

Remembering the analogy he’d given Caleb about his mind being like a megahotel and needing to make sure every room was cleaned, he set about doing just that.

When he focused on the swirling darkness this time, he could compartmentalize the various issues going haywire with his mate. Anger was first and foremost. Pulling out his metaphorical cleaning supplies, he set about cleaning the rooms, ridding them of excess anger, shame, and depression. He would worry about reworking the connections later.

Whenever he felt himself waning, he would call upon the sun's energy to recharge. This went on endlessly. He didn’t know when one hour ended and the next began. Slowly, the darkness within Caleb lessened. The unchecked chaos settled into a rippling flutter that was much more manageable.

Asa felt himself flagging. There was still so much more to do. He reached for the sunlight more often, needing the boost it gave him. The frequency increased until he couldn’t take it anymore. Not fully aware of controlling his actions, his body pulled Caleb with him as he flung them off the chairs. They tumbled down the four steps, never losing contact, coming to rest on the warm earth.

The far-off shout of surprise and concern barely registered. As soon as Asa’s body was encompassed entirely in the warm rays, he got a jolt of energy. It was like being struck by lightning. He used his renewed strength to intensify his healing ability. He sought out the broken threads of Caleb’s mind, guiding them back to where they belonged, building missing connections. He reinforced every one, ensuring they were as strong as possible.

He was nearing the end of his rope. He could sense the sun setting. Its boosting power was nearly non-existent. With great effort, he pulled back, inspecting his handiwork, seeking any faults he may have missed.

Satisfied he’d done everything he possibly could, Asa retreated, allowing his grip on his mate to loosen. Instinctively, Caleb held on. He stroked the man’s arms until he was fully back within himself. He broke the connection when he couldn’t summon enough strength to hold on.

Voices called out. “Asa? Asa, are you okay? Asa!”

His stomach rolled. A spasm gripped him, and he barely managed to turn on his side before projectile vomiting across the yard. Thick, black sludge shot out. Its odor was vile and noxious. Over and over, his body convulsed as it rid itself of the toxins it had drawn forth from Caleb. It was a scene worthy of The Exorcist.

In addition to the repeated vomiting, Asa felt his bowels loosen. He couldn’t bring himself to feel humiliated. The puking gave way to a few half-assed dry heaves before ending in a loud belch, followed by a dozen hiccups. The diarrhea capped itself with a final wet fart. He lay on the ground, completely limp.

Strong arms gathered and lifted him off the ground. Opening his eyes a mere slit, he saw it was Giles.

“Caleb?” Asa croaked.

“He’s fine. Exhausted, like you, but at least his head wasn’t spinning around as he expelled the demons.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you’re okay. You scared the shit out of me and Santos. I’m going to get you into the shower. Think you can stay alert for a little while longer?”

“Probably.” A wave of debilitating fatigue washed over him. “Maybe?”

He felt Giles’ laughter rumble through the man’s chest as he was carried into the house.

“I guess that’s going to have to be good enough.”

Giles sat him on the toilet lid while turning on the water. Thankfully, Asa had a walk-in shower big enough for two or three full-grown men. It had a built-in bench, which was where Giles deposited him after stripping off his offensive clothing. The water was hot, close to scalding, but Asa didn’t care. The Alpha removed his clothes, which were undoubtedly soiled from carrying him.

He sighed heavily, his limbs weighing a thousand pounds each. It was a wonder the Giles could lift each arm to scrub him with the soaped-up loofa. He barely managed to stand so Giles could hose off his nasty ass and clean all his cracks and crevices. Under any other circumstances, he would have been mortified. Right now, he didn’t give a flying fuck.

“Hurry,” he managed to whisper, feeling the last of his energy fading. Exhaustion settled into his bones, every single cell feeling like it was shutting down.

He barely registered being rinsed and then towel dried. By the time the Alpha wrangled him into a pair of clean boxers, he was dead weight. He never heard the loud grunt Giles gave as he carried him out of the bathroom and all but dropped him on his bed.

Asa was unconscious before his head plopped onto his pillow.