Trash Polka - 28. Chapter 28

I was trying my best. That was the best place to start. I forced myself to give Kenji grace and sometimes he was home for dinner. He was trying. Kenji was reserved, nearly severe sometimes, but he could also be sweet. He’d started making more of an effort after the night we argued when Ai and I had gone to the tattoo shop. He’d said he would do better, and he had been. I smiled as I worked pomade through my hair. I could see him in the mirror. Kenji sat on the edge of the bed in what could be the most casual outfit I’d ever seen him in. He was still wearing slacks but on top he was wearing a white long-sleeved, silk shirt. It still hid all of his tattoos but was less rigid than his suits. His hair was also looser. A few pieces even hung into his eyes as he looked down at his phone, fingers tapping slowly on his knee as he read something.

I’d begun learning things about him. Just by watching and listening. For instance, right now, he was meticulously planning our entire trip. It didn’t matter that the destination and area weren’t new to him. He planned so that nearly every variable was eliminated. He’d make sure he had a set amount of cash. A perfect number that he’d ironed out while his eyes darted over his screen. He’d be immediately offended if I tried to pay for anything while we were together. No matter what I said, he’d just narrow his eyes and that’d be the end of the argument.

It’d bothered me until I realized this was his way of being affectionate. He didn’t broadcast emotions the way I did. He knew we were different in that way and as we spent more time together, it seemed as though he thought this was a major flaw of his. Buying and paying for things was the only “out in the open” thing he could do to prove he cared about me. He did it for Ai too. The girl didn’t want for anything and while he may not say it, I could see the love he held for her.

“Ready?” He asked, dark eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

“Yeah.” I smiled as I left the bathroom.

He blinked as I settled in his lap, ghosting my fingers slowly over his cheekbones. He was stiff for a moment and then he relaxed a bit. His hands rested on my hips as I tipped his head up to catch the light. The scar along his cheekbone caught the light before I ran my thumb over it. He had a tiny scar over the bridge of his nose too and one above his eyebrow. I leaned down, kissing the corner of his mouth and smiling when he turned his head for a proper kiss. It wasn’t hurried or rough like they were sometimes when our desperation or frustration crept in. It was gentle, almost sweet. When I pulled away, his eyes were still closed, eyelashes fluttering.

His eyes blinked open and he raised an eyebrow slowly, “What?”

“You’re pretty in unconventional ways. I’m going to draw you at some point.” I slid my fingertip down the bridge of his nose and hopped up, “Now! Let’s go! Stop distracting me!”

I marched out of the bedroom and hid my smile when I heard him grumble, “Says the earth’s biggest walking distraction.”

*

Seeing him slowly open up was odd. I think everything was odd for both of us. Relationships were new. Uncharted territory where it felt like we were ill-equipped and underprepared. At least we hadn't had another argument since day 4. It was day 12, so that seemed promising. Today was the first time he’d cleared his schedule and planned a whole day event for just him and me. Ai had literally stomped her foot and pouted. I’d almost gave in, but Kenji was completely unbothered by her antics, and she scurried away when he mentioned a school project and homework.

As we walked side-by-side, my mind started to wander. I’d been feeling differently the last few days. I was still struggling to come to terms with how busy he was. I think Kenji was also struggling to balance me and his normal, insane work hours. Something in me had shifted either way. My fingers touched lightly to the band around my throat as I walked. Kenji turned slightly to give me a once over and I grinned at him. The corners of his mouth turned up a bit as he turned to face forward.

“This way.”

The unfortunate part about doing a lot of walking was that my mind was given the chance to wander. Never a good plan. I slipped into my mind and quickly got lost in thought as I followed behind Kenji. Rubbing my forearm gently, I smiled at Kenji as I daydreamed about his recent attempts at climbing the best boyfriend ranks.

We were in a different city for once. The hotel was traded for what was one of several Shinoda family residences. This one sprawling and built in the traditional style. It had been renovated up to modern day standards but care had been taken to preserve its history. We were in Nagasaki and while Kenji had a meeting, Ai and I had gone to Huis Ten Bosch. It was a huge theme park with a metric shit ton of flowers. It was as beautiful as it was exhausting. I’d trailed the teenager around all day and I don’t know that I even had fumes to run on. She’d gone wild with her brother’s credit card. I had a sweatshirt, a hat, and she’d forced me to get a bunch of other random crap. I had fun, but god was I glad it was over. We'd only been in Nagasaki 2 days and part of me wondered if this was Kenji's way of apologizing. While it was true that he was in a meeting currently, we had spent far more time together in these days than we had in Tokyo.

The reason we needed to go to Nagasaki wasn’t explained to me, but I wasn't complaining. Kenji had sprung it on me one morning not long after the fight, and his sister had been excited. Truthfully, going to one of the family houses was strange to me. It was like a little glimpse into who Kenji was. It felt like he was letting me in a little bit, giving me permission to know him.

It was evening now. Ai had popped off to parts unknown in the house. She had given me a tour, of course, but I was still struggling to navigate the rooms. The place was huge. I was still getting used to the decor as well. Think tatami mats and shoji screens. I’d never been in a house like this. I'd been wandering aimlessly, waiting for Kenji and dinner. That's when I stumbled upon it. One of the most gorgeous things I'd seen in recent history. Other than Kenji, of course. A clearly vintage Steinway grand piano. I couldn't place the year, but it was wonderfully maintained. The walnut veneer shone beautifully. It was like a damn siren call.

I looked around, not sure who I expected before I slinked into the room. It looked like it was all set up to play, but I still felt like I was breaking some unwritten rule. The piano was clearly the focal point of the room. The only other furniture in it was some seating and a potted plant in the corner. My fingers skimmed the ivory keys and I pressed one gently. It was maintained inside too. The note was rich and perfect. I slipped onto the bench, starting slow before muscle memory took over.

It had been a while, but it didn't seem to matter as my fingers stroked the familiar song out of the instrument. I swayed slightly, my eyes slipping closed. I'd taken piano lessons as a child for years. I'd had to use the old piano in the church. While it worked. It had no chance of competing with this Steinway. I had never heard the notes sound as beautiful as they did now.

“You seem to be good at anything you do. You play beautifully.” I jerked and the song cut off all clunky.

“S-sorry.” I stammered as I turned to Kenji. He was leaning against the opening in the screens. He had a soft look on his face as he stepped into the room. I scooted over on the bench as he moved to sit next to me.

“My mother was quite an accomplished player. Neither of her children had the passion, though she still taught us. I think it was her way of trying to find her in us. I don't know that she was successful.” He said softly as he picked up where I left off.

His face held his barely there smile as he looked at me and nodded. Hesitantly, I joined him and it was an odd feeling. I'd never played with someone like this. Not even Miss Agatha, who taught me when I was young. It was intimate and almost romantic. I quickly saw what he meant, however. Kenji, while technically perfect, was just going through the motions. We finished the song and he guided my bangs out of my eyes.

“Do you know any Chopin?”

I scoffed in fake offense, “Obviously.”

“Play it for me?”

I smiled at him and had to gather my thoughts when he held my chin and kissed me slowly. His thumb stroked over my jaw and I had to look away to get my bearings. Clearing my throat, I danced my fingers over the keys before picking one of Chopin's more well-known pieces.

Nocturne and E flat major.

I worked my way through it, my heart thudding in my chest as Kenji watched. This was almost more intimate than when we had played together. The soft look was back in his eyes.

“Where's your mother now? In Kyoto?” I asked when I finished, trying to avoid his intense eye contact.

His expression shifted to one that was more guarded, “She died. When Ai was young.”

You would have been young too.

I shook my head as we continued up the path, following along with several other tourists. My eyes fell on a couple. The girl’s arms were wrapped around one of her partner’s and I envied the public affection. Kenji didn't touch me when we were in public unless it was completely private or secluded. He stayed close though, and interjected bits of info here and there. We were near stunning flower beds and the scenery was gorgeous, but I kept getting lost in my head.

“I need to figure out when I'm going home so I can tell Lukas.” I sighed as I stared down at the texts.

[L: Should we book you next month?]

[C: You're a fucking scheduling nightmare, fuck face.]

“Never.” Kanji murmured; his phone balanced on his tattooed chest.

“Yeah.” I scoffed. Rolling over and tucking myself into his side as I looked at the calendar on my phone, “That would work.”

“Why wouldn't it?”

“One: that was never the plan and I don't want it to be. Two: I have clients trying to make appointments. Three: I haven't been working really at all since I got here.”

“I've told you over and over that you don't have to work.”

“And I've told you that I don't wanna be ‘kept’ by you. Not my thing.”

Kenji frowned at me as I looked up at him, “Why? Would it be so horrible?”

“Not only do I need to work for sanity reasons and as a creative outlet, but I also love my job.”

“I find it rather hard to believe you'd miss taking explicit pictures.” He sighed.

I pulled away, “Ohh, careful. That sounded a little judgmental. I like both of my jobs. I like my tiny apartment. I love my friends.”

“You do your guest thing here, Perhaps you could get on part time. Or full time if you insist.”

“That shop, though I love it, is tiny and it's only meant to be temporary. They don't have enough room for three artists full time or really even part time.”

He grumbled softly and I threw my leg over his hip as I shimmied on top of him, “I'm going home. That was always the plan. You don't even stay here permanently.”

“No.”

“What happens when you have to go to a different country? I'm not a puppy who's going to ride your coattails all around the world.”

“You could. Other countries have tattoo shops.”

I ran my fingertips over his jaw, “You're not wrong. But Kenji, you're always busy. Ai’s been a huge help here. Without her, I'd be so alone. I don't know that I'm brave enough for that.”

He frowned but didn't answer, carding his fingers through my hair. His fingertips ghosted over my scalp and I suppressed a shudder. When he stayed quiet, I laid my head on his chest, closing my eyes. His hands moved down to rub slowly over my back and I covered my mouth as I yawned.

“To be clear, you don't dislike Japan. You don't like how busy I am and the... forfeiture of your life? Very similar to your friend's dilemma, ‘will he, won't he move to Iowa?’ At least you seem happy in your life. I don't think it's as empty as your friend's was. Or at least that's how I see it.”

“Uh, yes and yes. I guess. Maybe Alec and I are more similar than I ever realized. But even though I have anxiety and issues with depression, I still love my life and those things aren't going to go away if it changes.”

“That's fair. I don't want you to be lonely and unhappy. This much time away from your friends must be hard as well.” His fingers played up the knobs of my spine and I hummed softly.

“I do like when we actually spend more time together. If it was more often, I might be willing to consider a more permanent change.”

“I don't see my responsibility lessening or my schedule opening up anytime soon. Therefore, I suppose I shall try to convince you through other means.” He rolled us and I laughed before his mouth cut it off.

“Shall we leave for dinner? Have you lost interest?”

I shook my head inside, “I'm sorry, my brain is all over the place.”

“I noticed. Is something wrong?” Kenji was trying to hide a frown again.

“No, no. I'm sorry. This place is amazing. Thanks for bringing me here, but can we go somewhere I can touch you after this?”

“Of course.” He said before raising his arm.

I followed where he was pointing and my brain skipped for a moment, “Wow.”

He’d taken me to the Shibuya district. Specifically, Meiji-Jingu Shrine. It looked like a slice of history had been dropped into the middle of the city. It was beautiful and nearly surreal. Iowa for sure didn't have anything that came close to this. We'd walked through a garden with trees, Kenji explained were donated from all over the country. The shrine was just over 100 years old.

“It was rebuilt after the Second World War.” Kenji murmured,” What we passed through at the start was a Torii gate. If you want, when we get up there, we can make offerings. I haven't done that since I was a child. Or they have a place where you can write a wish on something called an Ema tablet. There are always things to buy as well. Well, not for you to buy. I pay for it. You pick it out.”

“I don't care what your sister says, you're cute and a good tour guide.”

“Did she say I wasn't?” He frowned for a moment, then shook his head, “We can walk through the garden, too. It's pretty and there's a tea house. A real traditional one. There's a well too. It's supposed to ‘give good vibes’. Ai’s words not mine.”

*

“Where are we eating?” I asked, bumping my shoulder gently against his. He shot me a warning look, but I’d already put the appropriate physical distance between us again.

“You’ll like it. It’s a tasting menu. With courses.”

“Oh, let me guess? Super fancy? I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb?”

I could feel his eyes on me as I turned to walk backwards, waving at out ever faithful shadows as they followed a respectable distance behind us. They didn’t wave back of course. In fact, other than the first day, they barely acknowledged me. I wondered, briefly, what’d happened to the original guard. The one who’d given me a quick up and down glance before Ai had landed the darkest glare I’d ever seen on him.

“Would you prefer something else? I would prefer to treat you to only the finest places while you’re here. Fast food and the like are things you can get back home. I don’t want you building your entire impression of Japan on them. Despite Ai’s best efforts.”

“I’m from small town Iowa, bro. I don’t need fancy. I need fed and fucked.” I shot finger guns at him and grinned at him as his expression shifted for a moment. He schooled his features almost too fast for me to follow.

“Watch your mouth.” He walked faster and I sighed at his back.

When we were alone, his sense of humor improved immensely. Out in public, it was as if he thought everyone was waiting for him to slip up. As if each passerby was eagerly anticipating the moment Kenji’s shell would crack publicly. Heaven forbid someone see the real him. I huffed softly, having now ruined my own mood. I trudged after him, noting the rigid line of his shoulders.

“Don’t get all uptight now.” I said as I slid into the car behind him.

He was quiet for a moment, “It’s almost funny. You’re the one in an entirely new culture and place, yet every time you open your mouth, I feel like I get culture shock.”

“I am what I am. None of my behavior is new. I’m just in a different place. If that bothers you-“

“You don’t have to be sorry. I know who you are, and I don’t have a problem with it.”

I tilted my head back on the seat, eyes focused on his, “I’m not sorry. I’ll never be sorry for who I am. Nor will I hide it.”

We stayed quiet for most of the ride until he held his hand out. I sighed softly and placed my hand in his, linking our fingers. Leaning down, I rested my head on his shoulder as he broke the silence, “Believe it or not, I enjoy how different you are. You’re honest with me. Blunt. It’s refreshing. It can also be absolutely maddening.”

“I’m going to use that on my profile if I ever have to date again. It sounds like a shit movie trailer. Honest, blunt, absolutely maddening, dashingly handsome.”