Trash Polka - 27. Chapter 27

Sliding my fingers over the silky sheets, I fought off the wave of disappointment when they didn’t reach someone on the other side of the bed. It was something I was, unfortunately, getting used to. I'd been in Japan a total of four days and I'd woken up alone every day except for the first. Scrubbing my hands down my face, I groaned. My phone was ringing, and I glared at it. It was on the bedside table plugged into the charger, which I hadn't done. Other than that, I might not have even known if Kenji came to the hotel room last night.

I always tried to stay awake but between heavy depression and Ai’s sporadic adventures, keeping my eyes open had become somewhat of a struggle. There was no way I was getting up at four or five in the morning. If I didn’t manage to stay awake at night, there was no chance I’d catch Kenji before he left. We were like passing ships in the night. Little things, like my phone being plugged in or a new garment bag hanging in the closet were my only indication that I wasn’t staying in the room alone.

I should count my lucky stars I suppose. Ai had said that there were many occasions before I’d come into the picture, where Kenji slept in his office. I had worked hard all my life, but I couldn’t imagine working so much, I just never went home. It put into perspective just how much weight was on the other man’s shoulders. I felt awful for it, but I was beginning to doubt my ability to sympathize.

“Hello?”

“What's up, Auggie?”

“Are you still in Japan?”

“Yes.”

“Rad! I think we're going to do a mini tour over there soon, like Europe and Asia. Think your man would let me steal you?” I swallowed hard around the petty words that immediately jumped into my throat.

He would only notice that I'd left my little cage. He wouldn't care why.

“I'm sure it would be fine.”

“Dope! Also, I guess I should meet him at some point.” August's voice changed, and I frowned. August sounded like it was an afterthought. Or an inconvenience. As if it was something he would do because he had to. Not because he wanted to.

“Why did you say that so weird?”

“What do you mean? Nothing weird here. Except how much my roots have grown out.”

I sat up slowly, “If you say so. He's a good guy, I promise."

It felt odd defending a man I had been mentally dressing down only seconds before the phone call. Then again, I came here knowing full well that I wouldn't be Kenji's only priority. It was my mistake that I thought I would be a priority at all. I was stuck in a strange loop of explaining his absence away and resenting him for it. Terribly unhealthy thought process to cycle through. Repeatedly.

“I'll call when I've got more details on the tour. Meanwhile, keep us updated on whatever craziness Alec’s got going on. He won't reach out. You know how he is.”

“He's got a lot on his plate. What with his mother and rediscovering his true love. He's also selling his house.”

“That doesn't matter. He wouldn't either way. Kind of like how you smile, take care of everyone, and then hide everything real from us.” I flinched and when I failed to respond, August continued.

“You don't think I see it? Feel it? River, you've been one of my closest friends for years. We made something of ourselves together. We came up together. I may not have gone to high school with you like Alec did, but I know you. I notice when you get more distant.”

“I'm in Japan.”

“You're in a carefully constructed delusion. Denial isn't a good look, friend.”

“I have to go.”

“River.”

“Sorry. I have to go. I have plans?”

“Yes, gotta get back to building those sky-high walls friend.”

I tossed my phone onto the cooling sheets and flopped back, gripping my hair. I was irritated at everything. Kenji for being busy and continuing to live the life he'd been living the entire time we'd dated. Myself for being rude to August. Auggie for being right. It seemed that I wasn't fooling everyone as well as I thought. When my phone vibrated again, I wanted to throw the thing at the beautiful wall. Groaning and flopping onto my stomach, I pawed around for the offensive device. Once I gripped it with my fingers, I dropped my head onto my pillow.

[Ai-Imouto: You alive?]

[R: No.]

[Ai-Imouto: Great! Come to my room in 15! I've made plans!]

An unholy noise left my body. The siblings had a weird ability. You couldn’t say no to them. Kenji used intimidation, but Ai was...Exuberant. I had a feeling that I’d never get my way as long as they were part of my life. It was maddening, but also strangely comforting. Like wearing a harness or the collar around my throat. Getting absolutely steamrolled made decision making easy. If I didn’t come to Ai in the allotted time, she’d come for me.

*

I worked product through my hair and rubbed my cheek. I could put on eyeliner. There was a lot I could do, but I didn't have the energy. I also didn't have the energy to put together an outfit that was more realized. Jeans and a hoodie were my solution, and I grimaced a bit at my reflection. It wasn't bad, but it was boring. Then, obediently, my feet carried me down a floor to Ai’s equally impressive suite. I'd barely knocked once before the door whipped open and she beamed up at me. Ai looked me up and down quickly before frowning. Then she spun on her heel and went back into the room.

“I found a tattoo shop! Well, a good one. There's some closer, but they're a little sketchy. One good enough for us! Kenji will only have half an aneurysm!” She rambled as she fixed one of the space buns she'd put her hair in. She grabbed her small backpack and grinned at me conspiratorially.

“Why not? I have no other plans. I was going to spend today sulking in bed.”

“Boo! Boring and sad! You're the only one who wants and enjoys spending time with me. We gotta make the most of it!” I frowned at her words and followed her out the door. She stepped into the elevator and remarked casually, “This elevator is way nicer than the one at home.”

“If you live here, why stay in a hotel?” I asked.

She shot me a strange look, “It's better this way, trust me.”

“How cryptic.” I said, unamused.

“Some things... River... you don't wanna know.” She answered, far more serious than I'd ever seen her.

“I'm not a child. I can handle whatever's going on.”

Her big brown-black eyes took me in. It was almost like she looked right through me. I wondered how much she'd seen in her 16 years. How often fear and pain had been her teachers. Like they probably were for Kenji. At least it seemed like he was her shield. I wondered if he'd had one. It was heartbreaking. The look in her eyes was haunted and far too wise.

“Let it go. Kenji will give you more information when he thinks you're ready for it.”

“Okay?”

“Anyway! So the shop is a bit of a drive. We won't be home for dinner, so I picked the place! I am all over it. Newest brother dearest!”

*

As soon as we walked through the doors, it was like a homecoming. The buzz of tattoo machines, the art and flash on the walls. It was bliss and I took a minute to really suck the whole atmosphere in. Whilst in my anxiety and depression spiral, I hadn't realized how much I missed the shop. A strange longing filled my ribcage and I almost choked on a wave of homesickness.

Ai grinned up at me, and I smiled weakly when her happiness dimmed at my facial expression, “This was supposed to be a good thing!”

“It is, I promise. Thank you.”

“Come on then! I'll translate!”

She dragged me to the counter, and I smiled sheepishly at the guy sitting there. I regretted my clothing choice now. I wanted- strangely- to explain to him that I belonged here. That I wasn't some kind of poser. I knew that I'd never trust an artist who didn't look like they had ink. Ai said something to him, and he gave me another once over before grinning.

“American? You tattoo?”

“Uh, yeah.”

His grin spread farther, and he pointed at his phone, “Pictures? Social media?”

The conversation seemed to shift after I showed him my work. It became more genuine in a way. I held out my phone and he began scrolling through one of my social media accounts. He yelled over his shoulder as I took in the shop. It was small, almost cramped. There wasn't much room to stand, but it didn't matter. There was enough familiarity that it scratched a pleasant part of my brain. I'd been neglecting that part whilst my mind went off the rails. Everything had been Kenji, Kenji, Kenji for the last few days and I was over it. I was annoyed with myself.

Traditional style flashed lined the walls but left some room for some new school designs and even some fine line work. There was a good mix of full color and black and grey. The main door opened almost right to the front desk. There were two metal chairs for people to wait on. The section of burgundy painted wall at the man's back, divided the rest of the shop from the entrance and main desk area. The counter was a simple mix of wood and plastic. Nothing fancy, but the casual vibe made me smile. I couldn’t help thinking of Lukas and Cameron. God, I missed our shop. I missed Lukas’ sunshine and Cameron’s absolute gremlin-ness.

“Name?” My attention was jerked back to the man behind the counter. He had a mohawk with red tips and ears full of piercings. I could see a full sleeve that looked like a dragon peeking out from his sleeveless tank. His ears were stretched and the hangers in them looked like an iridescent Opal. There was a girl standing next to him now that I hadn’t noticed join us. Her hair was bleached within an inch of its life and she was smiling down at my phone.

“River.”

“Your work, it's amazing.” He said as he stood, “We're a small shop, but would you consider...”

He looked confused for a moment before he turned to Ai. She listened as he spoke and then glanced at me, translating, “They want you to do a guest appearance.”

“Ohh!” Both of them were still smiling, "I don't know how long I'm here and you're a healthy drive from where we're staying.”

“Kenji wouldn't allow it either way.” Ai said flippantly.

I paused as they gave her strange looks. Then I waved her away, “Your brother's not the boss of me. Can I see both of your work and get a tour?”

“I'm just warning you.” Ai shrugged as we followed the guy further into the shop.

*

“It's not a good idea.”

I was watching Kenji unbutton his shirt and my mouth was dry, but not for fun reasons. I'd mentioned the shop. Which had irritated him. Another unsanctioned trip. Being on my own since I was 18, I wasn't used to having to ask for permission. I'd said as much. Kenji had sighed and apparently decided it wasn't worth an argument. Irritated, I'd brought up doing the guest appearance. His hands halted for a second before he had answered.

“I get the distinct impression you're not telling me something. This was supposed to be a trip. I was supposed to have fun. A mini vacation if you will. Yet anytime I try to enjoy it, you freak out. Also, the bodyguards.” They tailed us all day, they stayed out of our business, but it was impossible for me not to notice them. Every new destination, every turn we took in the shop, they were right on our heels. Even though they waited outside while we had dinner at a curry place, I still knew they were there. They were always there.

“It's nothing. You're fine. You're safe.”

“So... you're just controlling? Is that it? To be honest, I wasn't worried about my safety. Then you started doing a lot. I am now worried about my safety.”

“We're very wealthy, taking precautions is to be expected.” Kanji shrugged, and I felt my complaints hit the ground with his shirt. Discarded.

“Ohh sure, that totally explains why you lose your shit every time I leave the hotel. I'm sorry, did you expect me to sit here and wait for you to come home? Like some weird, freakishly tall housewife? Cause, hot stuff, you picked the wrong one.”

“Calm down. I would simply like to know where you two are, especially when it's half an hour away. Preferably before you go as well.”

“I've already said this. Repeatedly. I am an adult Kenji. I'm not used to having to report my daily whims to someone. If there's a reason I need to, I'd understand, but you should tell me what it is.”

“I already-”

“The business-business, right? That excuse might work with my friends and to be honest you don’t owe them every detail, but I’d like to think I deserve a bit more trust. There are plenty of rich people who don't have full-time bodyguards and monitor each other's whereabouts obsessively. Try again.”

“River. I worked for 16 hours. I'd like to sleep or at least relax.”

“Ohh, I'm sorry, am I nagging you? That must be stressful for you after a whole day of business. Yeah, no one knows better than me how long you work. I try every night to stay up and wait. That isn’t the issue, however. If you can't give me a reason, I'll do what I want. When I want.”

He was standing in the doorway, and I watched the muscles in his back ripple as his whole body tensed. His head dropped. He rolled his shoulders. Then he stepped out of view. I heard water running then teeth being brushed. Without a word, he came back in loose black sleep pants and crawled onto his side of the bed.

“I see you've decided that we're done talking. Cool, cool.” I snarked as he shut off the lights. I was still sitting cross-legged on my side of the bed.

“I would like to be, correct.”

“Great! Then I do what I want, and you'll deal with whatever you've got going on. Without making it my problem.”

“I don't know what gave you the idea that was the conclusion we came to.”

“Your lack of fucking response, that's what.”

“So upset. Is it really that hard to simply tell me where you are?”

“Not at all, but again, that isn't the issue. You're making me feel like I'm crazy, bro. I'm not crazy to question this.”

“No, your questions were fair. However, I'm not ready to answer them.”

“Is your whole family this cryptic? Can that be hereditary?”

“River. Do the guest appearance if you want. Go where you want. Simply update me. Is that acceptable?”

I dragged my fingers through my hair, “I guess?”

“Come here. I'm sorry I upset you.”

“I just felt like you weren't fucking listening, bro.”

Kenji pulled me to him and covered us up, “I wasn't listening very well, but River?”

“Yeah?” I mumbled into his collarbone.

“Don't call me bro.”

*

Two days later, I started my guest appearance at the little shop. I soon learned the man’s name was Botan and his female counterpart was Himari. Their English was far better than they gave themselves credit for. Especially when my Japanese was abysmal. Or nonexistent really. While we had struggled a bit initially, translation apps and carefully placed miming seemed to get us where we needed to go.

I was only doing one or two clients every other day but getting back to my art released some of the tension I’d been holding on to. I was in a foreign country, stumbling my way through half English consultations, but it gave me peace. Now, if I could just ignore the fact that I had my own duo of guards that waited outside the entire time I worked, everything would be peachy keen.

It’d taken far less time to settle into it then I had thought. We weren’t in a big town, but apparently Koi (the shop) had a reputation, and they’d never had a guest artist before. I felt honored. It felt right. Though, I did miss Ai a little. Who knew what the teen got up to when left to her own devices? She’d stopped in once or twice to visit, but the shop was too tiny for all of us plus clients. Part of me felt like I was deserting her a bit. I didn’t want to be another “brother” that was too busy for her.

My hands worked without much signal from my brain as I prepped my machine and glanced over my reference pictures. I smiled softly down at the machine. It was brand new. All of my equipment was. It was also way higher end than the stuff I used back home. That’s what I got for whining about how long it would take for Lukas to ship my stuff to me. I’d thrown myself dramatically on the bed and forced Kenji to pretend he was sympathetic. The next morning someone had knock on the hotel room door and I was presented with several boxes, a huge bouquet of black roses, and a note.

“Hopefully these hurry along the process of you getting back to your craft. I’m sorry I’ve not been the most supportive or present. I will do better. -K”

You couldn’t tell me anything the rest of the day. It was like we’d never fought, or he’d never made me feel left behind. I was on my own little cloud floating above my problems. While I didn’t have much to go off of, an apology and promise to do better seemed like A+ boyfriend behavior.