Trash Polka - 23. Chapter 23

I was half dead when I rolled over. Kenji was laying on his side of the bed. He was on his phone and from a quick glance, it looked like he was scrolling through stocks or something similar. He looked really, really good in the morning light. We’d never woken up together like this. He was usually gone when I woke up. I stayed still and just looked at him for a few seconds.

His hair gel had lost the fight and the strands were falling into his eyes despite his attempts to push them away every so often. He was shirtless and my eyes took in all his ink. The detail was beautiful. Who’d ever done the work was skilled. I watched him raise an eyebrow and I realized that he’d noticed me staring.

“Morning.” I mumbled as I scooted over to snuggle closer.

He set his phone aside and turned onto his side, holding me to him, “You smell a bit like a distillery.”

“You say the sweetest things.” I groaned as I squirmed in his arms.

He didn’t answer and I heard his phone vibrating aggressively from wherever he’d put it. Offhandedly I wondered if it ever stopped ringing or vibrating. When he wasn’t giving me the attention I had started to crave, he was on it. I hated being on mine and I couldn’t imagine depending on it so much.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked softly as I looked up at him.

“Yes.”

“Have you ever been a sub?”

“Yes. It’s how I learned to be a Dom. I was taught that you shouldn’t inflict things you haven’t experienced. It gave me a different perspective.”

“Did you get the quiet too?”

“Subspace?”

“I don’t even know if it’s that. I don’t know what it is, but I…I need it. It’s the only thing that shuts my brain off.” I felt awful. Vulnerable and I regretted asking at all. I wished I stayed quiet. Although, learning that Kenji had experienced some of what I had was interesting and oddly comforting.

“Makes sense. A lot of what drew you to this lifestyle makes sense. You’ve had to be so in control your whole life, so strong. For everyone around you. It would be nice for anyone to have this weight lifted off their shoulders. Even temporarily.”

“Isn’t it weird to you that I can barely function the way an adult should?”

“Is it odd to you that I enjoy taking control over your basic day-to-day care?”

“No. I guess not. You’re making sure I take care of myself. I can see why someone who cares about someone else would want to help.”

“Why is one side strange but not the other? I want to take care of you and you want to be taken care of. Having someone take the burden of decision from you can be freeing.”

“I never knew you could talk this much.”

“You’ve been getting away with quite a bit of attitude lately.”

I grinned and shimmied on top of him, sitting up so I straddled him, “You should do something about that.”

I pounded on the hotel door, ignoring Kenji’s disapproving sound behind me. I was on a mission. I had been since I’d woken up. Okay, that was a lie. I had to clear some things up and then I needed two rounds of morning sex. But! Now I was fully committed to this mission and I would see it through. Regardless of Kenji scolding me for disturbing other hotel guests. The door opened and Alec’s eyes widened when he saw us.

“Okay! Tell me everything! You fucking snake? I go out for my bi-hourly dose of cancer and you just fucking leave with your soulmate! What the hell!” I was annoyed as I followed Alec into the room. He plopped down on the bed. He looked out of sorts.

“River, it’s ten am. The yelling.” Kenji murmured, sitting in the accent chair facing the bed.

“You, sit down and shut up or go back to the room. You’re not the boss of me and I have business to take care of!” I glared at him. Clearly my sense of self preservation had taken the day off.

Kenji raised a single eyebrow, “Oh, really now?”

“Anyway, you!” I exclaimed as I whipped back around.

“We had sex. For a long time.” Alec shrugged as he looked up at his friend, “Then I messed it up.”

Alec was watching something behind me and I cringed when I found out what. Alec snapped, “I’m sorry, complete stranger. Did you have something to say?”

“You acknowledge that you messed up whatever is going on between you two. If that’s the case, then fix it. Why the dramatics?” He rolled the sleeves of his eggplant purple button down up, regarding Alec cooly. A bag had mysteriously shown up in the room. I’d noticed it this morning. I had no idea when Kenji left or if someone had dropped it off. Regardless, I needed to intervene here.

“Kenji! Stop he-“

“You’re completely right. I’ve been whining about everything.” I blinked, shocked into silence by Alec’s admission.

“If you wish for something to change, change it.” Ken shrugged, and I tried to convey my displeasure with another look. He was unbothered.

“Right again. I’m going to try.” Alec sighed and ran fingers through his hair, “I want to fix it, but River I need your help.”

“Always man. Anything.” I forced myself into action and crossed the room to sit next to him on the bed.
“I need help with logistics I guess you could say.”

I was so proud. A plan was already starting to form. That is, if I’d guessed which direction this was going in. I said as much.

“If this is going where I think, I’m stoked. You know who’s disgustingly good at planning and logistics?”

Alec followed my eyes to the man in the corner and Kenji sent me a dark look, “I suppose. What do you need?”

Alec sent me a nervous look. Then his eyes dipped to my neck and he sent me a confused look. I didn’t know if I was ready to explain everything to him. I needed to soon, but first, we had work to do. Well, Kenji did. I’d pay for volunteering him later, but I’d deal with it. Plus, as he and Alec went over things, I discovered something new about myself. Apparently, competency could be a turn on.

We’d sent Alec off on his quest to get Finn back. That’d been hours ago and then we’d all agreed to meet up at a diner in town. He’d sent me a few vague messages and from them, I had no idea what was happening. He didn’t seem happy, but he didn’t seem upset either. I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t sure if the issue was all Finn related or if his parents had done something again. After he’d arrived and settled in to tell us the day’s events, I still found myself confused.

“Run it by me again.” I said as I leaned against Kenji, rubbing my cheek gently on his shoulder as he looked through the diner’s menu. I don’t know what my deal was. I’d be strictly one-night stands and zero connection. Now, I couldn’t keep my hands off him and I was constantly initiating physical affection. The strangest part is I wasn’t upset with myself. I liked it. I liked that he was mine to touch and I liked when he touched me in return. It was something so small and yet, I had started to crave the intimacy.

“I told him everything. I offered to move and said I’d figure it out, but Finn seemed…reluctant.” Alec sighed, scanning down the menu himself now.

“Cheese curds on a burger?” Alec looked up at Kenji. I smiled to myself. I’d never heard someone take personal offense to a restaurant menu before.

“It’s good. Try it.” I took a break from laughing to kiss his cheek, “Go on Alec.”

“Quesadilla burger. Deep fried candy bar. Where am I? What fresh hell…”

Alec looked at Kenji strangely as the man spiraled further into disturbed incredulity. English wasn’t strong enough to voice his disdain and he slipped into Japanese. Alec tilted his head as he watched the other man, “He was worried that I was giving up too much. He thought it wasn’t fair.”

“I’m sorry, is there some sort of required rural Iowa self-flagellation that I am unaware of? You all seem desperate to meet some kind of quota.” Ji asked Alec, taking a break from his menu-related mental break down.

Alec rolled his eyes, “He’s doing what he’s always done. Finn wants to do the right thing.”

“The right thing? According to whom? As far as I’m concerned, the question you presented him with was yes and no. Why are we even having this conversation?” Kenji wasn’t having any of Finn’s strange logic either. We ordered and I decided to let the other man handle Alec’s ridiculous situation how he saw fit. I’d stopped holding him back. He said what I was too afraid to anyway. He was good for Alec. He didn’t handle him with kid gloves like I did.

“Alec, do you think he’s scared you’re not going to go through with it? I could see him thinking it’s too good to be true. You’ve been fully committed to your anti-Iowa agenda for a long time. Maybe he wants something…concrete? Something more than words?” I asked, glancing down to notice I’d wiggled my fingers under the bracelet with the key Kenji wore.

Kenji straightened, “You’re all overcomplicating things. If you’ve told him your plans, he should accept them at face value. That is, if you are positive this is your plan of action.”

“Things have never been that black and white for them Kenji. Most people don’t function that way.” I sighed. I wanted to let him loose, but it hadn’t taken long for me to have second thoughts.

“Change how you operate then. Stand by your word and stop all this back and forth. It’s, to be frank, childish and exhausting. If you want something and it’s within your means to make it happen, do it.” Ken sighed and Alec played with the straw sticking out of his water.

“I’m trying Kenji.” Alec sighed.

“Why trying? Do it. Lay it all out, tell the man your plans exactly, and explain you’re looking for yes or no answers.” Kenji said, looking down into his cup of coffee suspiciously.

“As much as I hate to agree with Kenji, he’s right Alec. You went into that conversation with a plan and you let Finn bring up a whole bunch of hypotheticals and throw you off your confidence. It’s not Finn’s job to think for you. You’re an adult. If you tell him you’ve planned it out and this is what you want, he shouldn’t be trying to ‘do the right thing’ for you. You’re old enough to decide what that is without his help.” I said.

Alec rubbed his fingers over his cheeks and nodded, “You’re both right. While I appreciate that Finn thinks he’s going about this the honorable way, it’s not his choice. I need to talk to him again.”

“I don’t know if he’s hearing what you’re saying. Finn is set on being the responsible decision maker. He made a lot of choices for you when we were younger because you were too scared to. The dynamic needs to be changed or you’ll always have a weird power dynamic.”

“He needs to know you’re able to make your own choices. You’re not a child. You’re a reasonably successful adult.” Kenji supplied. I watched Alec tense at Kenji’s words, but he seemed to decide to take it on the chin. I was proud of him.

“Do you have plans to see him again?” I asked as I smiled at our waitress.

“Nothing concrete. I may go over tonight.” Alec shrugged, picking up a fry and popping it into his mouth.

“Take some time to gather your thoughts. Maybe not tonight, but you need to lay it out for him since apparently our Finny boy is a little dense and stubborn. Like you.” I said, stealing one of Kenji’s fries. I got downright giddy when the man pushed the whole plate in my direction.

“I might need more time. I have so much on my mind.”

“How did meeting up with your dad go?”

We listened as he went over everything else. I didn’t know how I felt about Henry’s last ditch attempt at having a relationship with Alec. I didn’t understand why it had taken him so long to decide it was worthwhile. He was such a coward. Mae had to be nearly dead for the man to form his backbone? I knew Alec. He’d give him a chance. No matter how hesitant he was. That made me nervous. What if Henry hurt him again?

I must’ve tensed or something because while Alec continued talking, fingers stroked lightly over my nape. Kenji played with my hair lightly before stroking his thumb against my jaw while he typed out emails one handed. I was surprised to notice his phone was in a different language. The way the letters were drawn led me to believe it was Japanese. I wondered if it was his first language. I needed to remember so I could ask later. There was so much about him I still didn’t know. It seemed we were going to be playing a lot of catch up as we’d started our relationship skipping the “talking” part.

“Are you going to be behind in your work since you came here?” I asked as I lay in bed and watched Kenji strip down. I tried not to think about what would happen when I fell asleep. He had a flight at the unholiest of hours. That meant he’d be gone when I woke up and I wasn’t excited. Waking up to him was too nice. He’d told me he was busy. I knew it. What I didn’t know was that he’d pushed a business trip back to come to me here. He’d postponed work to see what my problem was. Now, he couldn’t wait any longer. He had to go.

“It’s not something you need to worry about.” He said as he sat on the side of his bed and plugged his phone in. I stared at the muscled expanse of his back, eyeing the ink there. He lay down and stretched his arm out. I rolled over dramatically, letting his side stop me. Draping my arm over his stomach, I snuggled close.

“Are you going to get in trouble?”

“River, we should sleep.”

“When you came over with the black eye, what happened?”

“What? What even brought that up?”

I shrugged and he sighed as he pulled up the blankets, “My father is still in charge, though I take care of most of the work. I did something he didn’t approve of and corrected me.”
I sprung up, ignoring Kenji’s hands as he tried to pull me back down, “He hit you then?”

“River. The cultures are very different. Our lifestyles and upbringings are very different. This is normal.”

“Nah, I’m not buying it. No parent should ever lay their hands on their child.”

He yanked me into his arms, resting his face in my hair, “You aren’t wrong, but this is the way it is. My father demands perfection. If he receives anything less, he doles out the punishment he sees fit. He’s like a king. He has all the power and we serve him.”

“He’s a shitty king if he keeps control through violence.” I mumbled angrily.

“Go to sleep. This isn’t important.”

“You run yourself ragged. I’ve seen it. One slip up and he hurts you? That’s kind of important.” I was still angry, but Kenji stayed quiet. Apparently, we were done talking about it. Resting my chest against his chest, I splayed my fingers out over his abs, “Are you going to see him?”

“Yes.”

“Is he going to be angry?”

“I took care of what needed to be done, but as I didn’t do it in the way he planned, I’m sure he’ll be displeased.”

“Does he know about me?”

Kenji stayed quiet for a long time and I got my answer. He reached over to turn out the light and I closed my eyes. If Kenji’s family was as traditional as he made it sound, there was no way his family knew about me. His brother had known he needed a notary recommendation. That was as close as it got. Would I be a secret the entire time we were together? Was that something I was okay with?

Would I be able to get over it if he came back to me with another black eye? Now that I knew where it’d come from? How often was his father physical with him? He made it sound like this was a normal thing and I hated the thought. My mother had done plenty wrong, but she’d never beat me. To hit your son, punch him, what kind of man was capable of that? Especially your adult son? Maybe he was old and close to death. I could hope.

“Stop thinking. You do it so loudly and I have very little time to sleep.” Kenji murmured into my hair before kissing it.

“Sorry.” I muttered as I rolled to face the other way. The line of my back was still pressed to his side and I stayed still when he shifted. He spooned me and a strong arm came around my middle, yanking me closer and holding me tight.

“Sleep.” He whispered as I felt his lips press against the back of my neck.

I had a lot of new questions without answers and it made me restless. So much so that I lay there and thought about it until Kenji’s alarm went off. He silenced it on the first tone and rolled away from me, sitting up with a sigh, “Did you sleep?”

“Sure.”

“Liar,” he sighed, “I don’t know how long I’ll be in Japan. When you’re no longer needed here, you could come out and see me.”

“I eventually do need to go back to work you know.”

“I admire your dedication to your craft, but I could make it so you never had to work again River.”

“We just started dating and I didn’t start this to become some kind of sugar baby. I’m happy with my life and I like my job.” I rolled over to look at him.

“Of course. I’m just saying the option is there. I would like to have you come visit, but obviously it will be on your terms.”

“We’ll see. I don’t think Alec’s mother is doing well, but it’s not a sure thing.”

He didn’t answer. He simply stood, leaned over to kiss me and retreated to the bathroom. My thoughts fizzled out when the sleep deprivation really reared its head and my eyelids started to get heavy. I pulled the blanket higher and listened to Kenji moved around the room. Through slitted eyes, I watched him dry off from a shower. I must’ve dozed as the next thing I knew, he was tying his tie, almost fully dressed. Then the bed dipped. I must’ve fallen asleep again. Fingers ran through my hair and a kiss was pressed to my cheek then forehead.

Then, he was gone.