It had been two weeks since Shaun had moved into Gretchen’s and after days of bitching and complaining, she’d finally agreed to hold a practice session.

It was Saturday night, the last week of July, and Gretchen and Shaun were sitting in the garage waiting for Ben.

“I know you’re wanting to get back in action as soon as possible, but our next show is still weeks away, you know that, right?” Gretchen said boredly from behind her drumkit. She had a six pack next to her, and she reached down for another can of beer.

“What do you mean?” Shaun watched her drink with a sour look on his face. He’d taken a codeine an hour ago so the stupid pain wouldn’t fuck with his playing, but now he couldn’t partake in the alcohol. “If I do good tonight, you should get us a gig, pronto. We’re wasting time just sitting around. We need to get back on stage.”

“I know, but Ben’s wedding is next week. Remember?” Gretchen sneered. “Then he and my miserable sister will be jetting off to Bali for a three-week honeymoon. We won’t have our bassist back until the end of August.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Shaun threw his hands up in frustration. How had he never gotten this memo?! Three weeks in Bali? What the fuck! “We don’t have time for this bullshit!”

“Yeah, well…” Gretchen guzzled her beer and crushed the can. Suddenly, a pained look crossed her face. “I can’t believe he’s actually going through with it…”

Shaun said nothing. He’d never been pro Angela, but when Gretchen was the other option, he’d felt he’d picked the lesser of the two evils. He’d banned Ben from messing with Gretchen and somehow, it seemed he’d been victorious. Ben was back with his cunty fiancé and Gretchen was depressed, but luckily, still an active member of the band.

“Anyway, I’ve got an idea.” Gretchen aimed her crushed beer can, then chucked it into the corner where the trashcan resided.

“Yeah?” Shaun grumbled. “What?”

“Harry,” Gretchen said simply. “He’s good on guitar. He could pick up Ben’s bass parts no problem.”

Shaun stroked his chin in thought. “Yeah. That’s not a bad idea.”

“I just don’t know if he’ll be able to find time for us between all those shows he’s got with that awesome band of his.” Gretchen rolled her eyes. “I might have to bribe him with cash.”

“Do we have the money for something like that?” Shaun asked dumbly. He hadn’t thought much about money since the accident. Gretchen had been taking care of everything without comment while Shaun lay on the couch, healing.

“We’ve got a little money to play with,” Gretchen said contemplatively, selecting another beer as she did. “My cam page has been doing really well these past few weeks. Since I didn’t need the extra money, I even turned down my sugar daddy this week and last, just so you wouldn’t have to run into him.”

“Oh, well, thanks for that,” Shaun said awkwardly. He’d kinda forgotten about Gretchen’s mysterious sugar daddy, to be honest, though he probably wouldn’t have reacted very favorably had he woken from one of his lazy naps on the couch to some old pervert breathing over him.

“You’re welcome.”

“You should ask him,” Shaun said seriously, turning the subject back to the matter at hand. “The sooner we can teach Harry the songs, the sooner we can get some gigs.”

The back door to the garage swung inward and Ben stepped into the room, a look of bewilderment on his boyish face. “What’s this about gigs? I thought tonight was just a trial run.”

“It is,” Gretchen said, taking a leisurely sip of her beer. “But you know our little Shaunie. He’s going to push all my buttons until I get us a show. We’re just preparing for the inevitable.”

Ben bit his bottom lip. “But the wedding…”

“Yeah,” Gretchen said dryly. “We were just talking about replacing you, actually.”

Ben’s jaw dropped. “What? Because I’m getting married next week?!”

“You’ll be out of commission for almost an entire month, Benny boy. It’s not fair to us,” Gretchen said, tossing her streaked hair over her shoulder. “Shaun’s little accident really knocked us on our asses, but I’ve been drumming up a lot of excitement for our comeback, and the fans are eating it up. We’ve gotta jump on this.”

“Who’s my replacement going to be? Did you already decide on that much?” Ben asked bitterly, shrugging his guitar off his shoulder and stepping further into the room. He pulled a neat little blunt out of his breast pocket and lit up. “I can’t believe you guys are doing this to me. I’m one of Defaced’s founding members. This is bullshit.”

“Pass that when you’re done,” Shaun spoke up, waving Ben closer to the couch. He was way too sober for this conversation. He was sick of dealing with emotions and all the other fluffy crap that came with them. He just wanted to focus on the music. He wanted to pour his heart and soul into preparing for the Battle of the Bands.

Ben stepped closer and held out the blunt. “So, who’s taking my part?”

Shaun stuck the blunt between his lips. Ben was so weird about Harry, there was no telling how he would react. He waited for Gretchen to speak up.

“Harry. Hopefully,” Gretchen said after a long moment of anticipation. Ben turned to her with a dawning horror in his eyes. “As long as our shows don’t interfere with any of Twisted Head’s, I don’t see why he can’t do it. And relax, Benny. Don’t make that face,” Gretchen chided when Ben pulled an epic pout. “This is supposed to be temporary. When you get back from your ‘fun’ vacation, the bass part is yours again.”

“Yeah, well, you should just wait for me.” Ben crossed his arms unhappily. “This is all really unfair. We waited for Shaun to get better. We didn’t talk about replacing him.”

“Shaun’s the main act. He isn’t replaceable,” Gretchen said, crushing her can of beer and tossing it into the bin in the corner. “But you, on the other hand…”

Ben’s pout deepened. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Well, I did.”

Shaun glanced from one bandmate to the next, taking a second hit off the blunt as he watched the exchange. He’d hoped Ben would just let this happen. He understood the bassist was feeling protective of his spot in the band, and maybe he was feeling some regrets about his stupid wedding, too, but Shaun didn’t care. He was eager to start playing again. He wanted Harry to step in.

Gretchen was on the same wavelength it seemed. “You know what, I’d better text him now while I’m thinking about it,” she said, grabbing her phone from its spot under her chair. She tapped the screen a few times, paused while she read something then, suddenly, she smiled fondly and giggled.

“What’s so funny?” Ben asked, his mouth turned down in a frown. “Are you flirting with Harry already?”

“No. Why? Are you jealous?” Gretchen simpered.

Ben flapped his jaw a few times.

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m talking to Jesse—”

“Jesse,” Shaun hissed the name, and Gretchen and Ben glanced in his direction.

Shaun and Gretchen had been avoiding that name since Shaun’s arrival. They’d fought over him and the breakup, in the beginning, and Shaun remembered breaking down and crying over him one drunken night, but Jesse hadn’t been a discussion topic since.

“I’m allowed to talk to him, you know,” Gretchen said defensively, cradling her phone to her chest. “He’s my friend, too.”

“What’s your friend up to, then?” Shaun sneered. He was morbidly curious about his ex. He knew Gretchen talked to Jesse regularly, but she hadn’t mentioned the redhead in a while. “Why are you laughing?”

Gretchen shrugged. “Jesse sent me a meme and it was funny. He’s in a good mood today.”

Shaun blinked in surprise. Last he’d heard, Jesse had been a mess of tears. He wasn’t upset he was happy or anything, just… surprised.

Gretchen curled her lip. “Why do you look so shocked? We’re you expecting him to mourn you forever?”

Shaun looked away with a scowl. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, really. He’d been trying so hard not to think about the other boy…

“Well, he’s not,” Gretchen informed him, whether he wanted to know or not. “He’s hanging out with friends, going to parties, and certainly not moping in bed over your sorry ass.”

Shaun knew Gretchen was scolding him, but he’d only heard one part of her speech. “What friends?”

“Oh, you think I’m making this up?” Scowling, Gretchen scrolled through her phone for a moment. “Here. Look for yourself,” she said, then tossed it underhand toward the couch.

Shaun just barely caught the phone between his rough fingertips. It was an upside-down picture and he rotated the screen so he could examine it closer.

His eyes fell on Jesse first. Sweet, sweet, Jesse… The little redhead held his phone overhead so he was smiling up at the camera, caught midstride, crossing some unknown city street. He was beautifully sun-kissed and his blue eyes gleamed with happiness. His smiling face made Shaun’s heart ache.

Shaun forced himself to move on to the companion then. His eyes didn’t want to leave Jesse, but he wrenched his gaze away and it fell on Sam next. He walked next to Jesse, their arms around each other in a friendly embrace. He was smiling up at the camera, too, and a strand of his messy red hair obscured one of his mischievous brown eyes.

Shaun scoffed. It seemed Jesse and his miserable little brother were friends again. He chuckled to himself at the irony. Sam obviously didn’t have a problem with Jesse, it was Shaun he hated. Go figure.

Shaun was ready to hand the phone back when he noticed someone else in the background. Someone familiar. Only half his face was in the shot because of the way Jesse was holding the camera, but the part that was visible was unmistakable.

“Oh my god.”

“What?” Ben slumped down on the couch beside Shaun and looked over his shoulder at the image. “Wait, that’s Jesse’s little brother, isn’t it?”

“Not him, him,” Shaun glowered, poking a finger at the blond strolling just behind Jesse and Sam. The little fucker was smiling, too, and the perfect white teeth ticked Shaun off especially. It was just as he’d feared. “Kyle…”

“Is he a friend from school?” Ben asked, oblivious.

“No. He’s not my friend,” Shaun grumbled. “But yea, I know him from school…”

Ben scratched his head in confusion. “Um…okay then.”

Frowning, Shaun ignored the other boy and studied Jesse’s smiling face once more. It was the first time he’d seen him in weeks and Shaun thought he was even more beautiful than he'd remembered. He was so innocent, so full of life and joy. He was so so afraid for the redhead. He’d fallen into Kyle’s clutches yet again and Shaun wasn’t around to save him… The phone trembled in his fingers… He started to growl.

“Hey. Give that back to me,” Gretchen demanded, holding her hand out for her phone. “I just wanted to make a point. Jesse isn’t alone.”

When Shaun made no move to return the phone, Ben carefully extracted it from Shaun’s fingers and tossed it back. He eyed Shaun warily. “You okay there?”

“I’m going to murder him,” Shaun hissed, his hands curling into fists. At the last moment, he realized he was still holding the blunt. He brought it to his lips, took a few puffs, then passed it back to Ben.

Ben watched him with wide, fearful eyes. “Y-you’re going to murder Jesse?”

Shaun growled with frustration and anger. There was only one solution. He had to drive to Kyle’s place and slit his fucking throat. The goddamn opportunistic snake was taking advantage of Jesse. There was no doubt in Shaun’s mind. He didn’t even care what he was doing, he just knew Kyle needed to be ended. Now. He stood up, his mind already mapping out the directions. Then he took a step. Pain lanced up his leg from the damned incision on his thigh and it all came crashing back. His Mustang was totaled. He wasn’t going anywhere without assistance.

Shaun turned to Gretchen. “I need your Jeep.”

“After you said something like that?” Gretchen snorted. “Fuck no.”

Shaun let out a bellow of rage. “This is fucking… important!”

“Let me just get something straight,” Gretchen started and already, Shaun didn’t like the tone of her voice. He wasn’t going to like this. “You just found out your ex is hanging out with one of your little enemies from school and you think you’re entitled to show up at his house unannounced and cause some huge scene?”

“I’m not going to Jesse’s house, I’m going to see Kyle,” Shaun snapped. “If that little snake thinks he can mess with Jesse while I’m away, then he’s in for a huge surprise.”

Gretchen quirked an eyebrow. “How do you know this guy is messing with Jesse from a single picture?”

“Because I know him,” Shaun pressed. “Jesse’s in danger!”

Ben gasped and covered his heart with a hand.

But Gretchen sneered, unmoved. “While I find it sweet you’re still so protective of the boy you dumped two weeks ago, I’m going to tell you straight up. Your concern isn’t needed, Shaun,” she said firmly, her honey-brown eyes flashing. “Jesse isn’t in danger. He’s doing just fine.”

Shaun shook his head. “But he’s—”

“Wake up, Shaun. He’s your ex now,” Gretchen snapped. “You broke up with him. You have no business messing around with his social life now.”

Shaun’s whole body vibrated with rage. “Gretchen…” he forced out. “The Jeep…”

“Is off limits,” Gretchen finished, crossing her arms with determination. “Besides you already took your meds for the night. You shouldn’t be driving in the dark. It’s not safe.”

“Motherfucker!” Shaun turned and kicked his amp across the room. It hit the trashcan in the corner with a satisfying crash. He whirled to the mic stand next and smacked it to the floor with a powerful backhand. “Fuck!”

Gretchen shook her head in disgust. “Do you want to practice tonight or not.”

“Fuck that!” Shaun raged. “I’m not in the fucking mood now!”

“Yeah. I kinda figured.” Gretchen took the last beer from her six pack and cracked it open. “C’mon Ben. There’s more beer in the house.” She got up from behind her drum kit and started for the door.

Ben got up, too, but he paused beside Shaun.

“Here,” he said softly, handing Shaun the last of the blunt. “You need it more than I do.”

Shaun took it wordlessly.

Ben squeezed Shaun’s shoulder, smiled, then turned to follow Gretchen outside.

In the band’s absence, Shaun stood in the silence for some time, brewing with anger. Part of him wanted to follow Gretchen inside and rage until he got her car keys. But he didn’t move. He stood, smoking the blunt until it got small and burned his lips.

Shaun flicked the butt away. The only other thing he could think to do was practice, so, he followed his gut. He collected his amp from the corner and methodically set up his instrument. In minutes, he was strumming his guitar experimentally. He wasn’t satisfied with the sound, however. He turned up the volume on the speaker until the notes shook his bones. He began to play in earnest then and the music instantly swept him away. He nodded his head with the melody and swayed his body in time with the beat.

Though he’d started playing to forget, when Shaun closed his eyes, the music conjured a real and very tangible image of Jesse…

The redhead sat on the couch, listening raptly as Shaun’s fingers shredded the fretboard. A gentle smile curved his lips. He looked so damned proud; he was practically glowing with it. He listened to Shaun practice for what must have been hours, his gaze on Shaun unwavering…

In his fantasy, Shaun stopped playing. He was tired and set his guitar aside. With a smirk, he approached the other boy and stopped just in front of him, so he loomed over his small, seated figure. Jesse looked up with his wide blue eyes, obviously waiting for instruction. Shaun reached out to touch his soft head. He urged him closer. “Suck me,” he said in a deep, sultry voice and Jesse’s nimble fingers flew for Shaun’s zipper.

Shaun visualized a graphic blowjob. He’d had enough of them by now to know what they looked like. In the fantasy, Jesse watched him carefully as his lips slid up and down his shaft. He was being very attentive and every time Shaun gasped or tightened up with desire, Jesse repeated his actions to elicit maximum pleasure. His mouth worked magic on Shaun’s cock and Shaun never ever wanted it to stop…

In real life, Shaun stopped dead on a g sharp. He opened his eyes and saw he was alone. No Jesse. The fantasy was over. He didn’t know how long he’d been really practicing, but it was dark outside, and his fingers were stiff from overuse.

Shaun’s cock was also stiff, he found. Painfully so, and he set his guitar aside and palmed the thick length hesitantly. “Fuck.” He was irritated with himself at first, but when he really thought about it, he realized he hadn’t come since before the accident. He’d been in too much pain before, or he’d been sleepy, or he’d just been in a bad mood. Whatever. But now…now Shaun wanted to come.

Trying not to think about it too much, Shaun stumbled to the couch. He lay back and reached down to unleash his erection. He groaned the second it was released and wasted no time grasping the eager member.

“Ohhh god….” Shaun’s eyes slammed closed as pleasure washed over his body. He clenched his cock in a death grip and began to pull himself off, going faster and faster as he grew closer to orgasm. “Fucking shit!”

Shaun was right on the edge when Jesse appeared again.

He stood over Shaun, smiling, like in the picture. He watched Shaun stroke his cock with amusement.

“Want some help, baby?” Jesse asked sweetly. “My ass is always available, you know.”

Shaun gasped and spooged at the very thought of Jesse’s sweet ass. He couldn’t help it. Jesse’s asshole always fit around his cock so perfectly. Shaun tried to mimic the tight heat as he milked the remaining sperm from his balls. Dream Jesse watched the eruption with satisfaction. He seemed very pleased with himself….

Shaun opened his eyes and of course, Jesse was gone again. Feeling lazy and more than a little depressed, he let his sperm collect on his belly, then left it to dry. He looked up at the ceiling as images of Jesse floated in and out of his thoughts. The redhead had made an appearance and now he was refusing to be ignored again. How annoying…

Now that the orgasm was over, Shaun was left with a confused sort of longing. He missed Jesse. He’d never argued that much, but was he worth risking everything for? That was the question that Shaun had been asking himself off and on for the past two weeks and he’d yet to answer it.

Knowing Kyle was taking advantage of the situation had angered him, but it still wasn’t enough reason to repair his relationship with Jesse. Killing Kyle, as satisfying as it would be, would not change Jesse’s habit of oversharing, after all.

“Fucking Jesse,” Shaun muttered to himself. “Why can’t you just keep your fucking mouth shut…”

Even in spirit, Jesse refused to be tamed. Shaun imagined him smiling and laughing in reply. It was such a wonderful, musical sound, just the memory alone brought tears to his eyes and Shaun let them flow. He felt stupid, but he didn’t dry them away. He let the emotions play out because he was alone. Utterly alone. And nobody cared if he cried in the dark.

Shaun laid there for a long time, tears streaming down his face, sobs wracking his body. He wrapped his arms around himself and wallowed in self-pity. He missed Jesse. Intensely.

Eventually, the tears stopped, and Shaun’s mind finally fell quiet. He watched the twinkling Christmas lights on the ceiling until his eyes fluttered closed and he fell asleep, come and tears drying on his exposed skin.

That night, he dreamed of Jesse multiple times. The redhead cried out to him, looking for help, and over and over again, Shaun failed him.

Early the next morning, Shaun woke with a crink in his neck. He sat up with a groan. The come from last night was crusted on his belly and his face was sticky with old tears. Disgusted, he decided he’d better head in for a shower. As he zipped up his jeans, he noticed Ben’s stuff from last night was gone. He must have snuck in to retrieve it at some point. With a sigh, Shaun ruffled a hand through his unruly hair. Last night had been an incredible waste. They’d decided to substitute Harry for Ben, but that’s about it. They hadn’t gotten anything actually done. Feeling dejected, Shaun dragged himself off the couch.

Outside, the sky was a pinkish-blue. The sun was just touching the horizon and there was fresh dew in the grass. Shaun slipped through the patio door and stood in the hallway, listening. The house was dark and silent. Ben was long gone, and Gretchen was most likely asleep. Satisfied he was alone, Shaun stepped into the bathroom to take care of business.

When Shaun got out of the shower, he stopped in front of the mirror to run a comb through his hair and to brush his teeth. He gazed at his reflection as he went about his morning rituals.

Since the accident, Shaun’s image had toughened up. Besides the long hair and the beard, he was sporting new scars next to his left eye now. He actually liked them, too, he thought they were cool, so he kept the hair on that side tucked behind his ear so they showed. The incision on Shaun’s thigh was finally closing up, too, and it didn’t bother him much anymore. His limp was improving daily and wasn’t going to be permanent, thank god. All and all, Shaun felt about 90 percent back to normal.

Shaun finished freshening up, made sure his towel was wrapped tight around his waist, grabbed his dirty clothes, then hurried across the hall and up the stairs to his room. He didn’t run into Gretchen, luckily, and he relaxed once the hatch was shut and he was alone in the little room. He dropped the towel, tossed his clothes into the growing pile next to the dresser, then sat naked on his bed.

Shaun sat for a while, thinking about last night, about the band, about Jesse and Kyle… When the urge to cut came to mind, he didn’t hesitate. He reached into the drawer on the bedside table and took out the super-sharp paring knife he’d found in Gretchen’s kitchen shortly after moving in. The weight of the knife in his hand was reassuring and Shaun felt himself calming. With a deep, even breath he brought the blade to his inner arm.

Shaun cut himself deep because he could. Jesse wasn’t around to scold him, anyway. Nobody was monitoring him anymore, actually. Gretchen had no idea he even had the knife…

As dark red blood ran into the crook of his arm, Shaun had the bright idea to stalk Jesse’s Facebook page.

A few days after he’d moved in, Gretchen had signed Shaun up for a couple social media accounts, so he could start interacting with the fans. Shaun had a phone now, too, and he was using it to cautiously explore the internet. It was one of the ways he’d been coping with the long boring days ‘healing’ on the couch.

He'd talked to a few fans on Instagram, shared his status on Facebook, and he had 140 followers on Twitter now. Shaun felt like he was getting the hang of it.

In fact, just a few days ago, Shaun and Miguel, the lead singer of One Thousand Nights, had chatted over messenger about Battle of the Bands. It’d been a brief conversation, but more than anything, Shaun had been hugely relieved when Miguel hadn’t mentioned that stupid party in Houston. It was like it hadn’t even happened.

But, other than a few band pages, Shaun hadn’t done much searching. He was suddenly itching to try out the feature on Facebook. Because everybody had a Facebook, right? Even Shaun had one now, thanks to Gretchen.

Shaun opened the bedside drawer again, tossed the knife inside, and grabbed his phone instead. It was off, and Shaun had to wait for it to power up. As he waited, blood started to drip onto the bedspread and scowling, Shaun reached for the tissues next to the bed, grabbed a handful and balled them up like a makeshift gauze. He pressed the tissues to his wound as the home screen on his phone lit up.

One handed, Shaun logged into the Facebook app and tapped the search icon. He typed in Jesse Welsh with a single finger and waited impatiently for the page to load.

Shaun’s heart skipped a beat when he saw Jesse’s image, second down in the search list. He tapped Jesse’s face and scrolled through his feed.

The first picture Shaun came across pained him especially. It was an image of Jesse and Brian cuddling together on the couch. They were both smiling, and their matching blue eyes gleamed with happiness and contentment. Shaun missed them both.

He missed Jesse’s perfect little body, missed his sweet little face, and his warm, kissable lips. He missed just laying with him and talking about nothing. He missed the closeness. The intimacy…

And Brian? Well, Shaun missed showing him things. He missed the kid’s undying admiration and his blind trust. He’d never considered being a father, but he found himself wanting to do the right thing. Brian needed Shaun’s love and as weird as that felt, Shaun really wanted to give it to him.

But with the way things were, Shaun just… couldn’t do it. Somehow, Shaun’s death metal rep was still intact. He couldn’t bear to risk it.

Shaun went no further than the first picture. Already, his heart ached for the other boy. But he’d decided to resist, and he didn’t want to keep tempting himself. He hit the back button, found the search bar again, and typed another name.

Erin the nurse

Shaun blushed a little when Erin’s profile came up. He hadn’t expected to find the male nurse, but there he was. The mousy-haired, blue-eyed man from the hospital smiled back at Shaun. He was even wearing a set of salmon scrubs.

Shaun wasn’t exactly sure why he’d searched for the nurse. He’d just thought, in a moment of bitterness, that Erin might know a bit more about discretion than Jesse. Especially if he was so worried about his little job at the hospital. He wouldn’t want a scandal getting out.

Shaun thought about his and the nurse’s moment in the shower as he hit the message button on his profile. He was weirdly curious what the other man was like in bed. Shaun wasn’t going to bottom or anything, but maybe, just maybe he’d let Erin eat him out down there if he really wanted to…

Hey, Shaun typed into the message box. He sent it off, then checked the time. It was 7:15 in the morning. He wondered what the nurse’s schedule was like and feeling a bit stupid, he typed another line, Message me back when you wake up.

Satisfied, Shaun set the phone aside and checked his newest cut. Jesse would be so displeased if he saw. Shaun had left a deep, gaping wound on his inner bicep. It was gross to look at and he made a mental note to get some triple antibiotic on it before it got infected.

Shaun was busy cleaning up his blood when the messenger app chimed on his phone. He tossed the bloody tissues under the bed, then reached out with interest to check his newest message.

I just got home, actually, Erin had said. I wasn’t planning on going to bed for another couple hours yet.

Oh. Sorry, Shaun texted back.

What’s up, Shaun? Erin said snidely. I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again.

Why’s that? Shaun typed aggressively. We have unfinished business.

We do?

I offered you my cock, and I don’t like being turned down, Shaun said and he found that, while he’d rarely been in the position, it was true. I get what I want.

Lol! Erin responded along with a line of laughing faces. That sounds weirdly like a threat!

It is, Shaun grit his teeth. The next time I see you, I’m going to ram my cock so far down your throat, you won’t be able to laugh. You’ll gurgle like a fucking fish.

Wow. And who says you’re ever going to see me again? Erin asked and Shaun imagined him raising his eyebrows.

Let me come over to your place, Shaun said forcefully. I can drink. As long as I don’t mix it with the pills, I’m good to go.

As a medical professional, Shaun, I couldn’t possibly advise you to consume alcohol, at least until your regime with your pain medication is complete, Erin said seriously. Then maybe you could have some. In moderation, of course.

So, when my codeine refill runs out, you’ll drink with me? Shaun asked.

In moderation.

Cool. That’s like five days from now, Shaun said, counting on his fingers. I’ll be done Friday.

Oh goodie, that’s my night off, Erin said with a heart emoji attached.

Send me the address and the time and I’ll be there, Shaun said at once.

So, you and Jesse are still on the outs, I take it? Erin asked suddenly, and Shaun frowned.

My mind hasn’t changed, he texted. I haven’t seen or talked to him in two weeks.

That’s a pretty long time, Erin said dryly. Especially when you’re a teenager.

Shaun rolled his eyes. Whatever.

Text me Friday afternoon if you still want to come by, Erin said. I’ll send you the address then, if you do.

I’m not going to change my mind by Friday, Shaun said, grumbling to himself with frustration. Trust me.

You never know, Erin said cryptically. He then sent a winking emoji and Shaun shut the screen off with a huff and set the phone on the bedside table. He didn’t want to argue about stupid shit with no real chance of winning. That sounded like an incredible waste of time.

Shaun laid back on his new bed, still gloriously naked, and stretched his arms over his head. As he lay there, the cut on his arm slowly started to bleed again. It dripped onto his chest and curious, he reached up to probe the wound with his fingers.

Shaun rubbed along the edges of the open wound, hissing as a mixture of pain and pleasure bubbled up inside him. He played with the cut for a minute more, then when his cock was straining for attention, he gathered the blood on his fingertips and reached down to stroke his interested member. Though the lubrication dried quickly, it felt nice, and he went back several times for new blood.

Shaun shut his eyes as he continued to pleasure himself and, almost against his will, visions of Jesse and Erin flashed through his mind. The young men looked so much alike, though, their faces started to blur until he wasn’t sure who he was fantasizing about anymore. It didn’t matter though. Their bodies were very similar, so it didn’t matter which boy was which when he imagined fucking them from behind…

Shaun jerked himself off and irritated his wound until he came explosively all over his belly and chest. After a brief rest, he reached over the edge of the bed and grabbed his bath towel. He cleaned himself lazily, then wrapped it around his bicep to stop the blood from going all over the place.

He hadn’t been planning on it, but he fell back asleep after that. The new mattress was way more comfortable than the lumpy couch had been. Right before he drifted off, he reminded himself never to sleep out in the garage again if he could help it.

Shaun woke several hours later, feeling a bit more rested. He hadn’t dreamed of anything and for that he was grateful. When he checked his phone he saw it was almost noon, and he got dressed for the day, bandaging his new cut with some spare gauze he found stashed in some medical supplies on the dresser. Then he ventured downstairs.

“Look who finally rolled out of bed,” Gretchen said when Shaun shuffled into the kitchen. She had a half a sandwich on a plate in front of her and was messing with her phone. She pushed it aside and watched as Shaun went to the fridge. “You must have needed the rest after that amazing tantrum you threw.”

Shaun rolled his eyes as he got out the milk and prepared to make himself a bowl of cereal. “Yeah. Whatever.”

“We heard you practicing out there alone,” Gretchen said, her eyes hard, glittering. “Did you have fun?”

Shaun shrugged. “I got through a couple songs. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Hmm.”

“I think I’m ready to perform,” Shaun said as he dumped cereal in a bowl, then added some milk. He plunked a spoon in the bowl to finish it off, then carried everything to the table. “I know what the doctor says, but I can handle the stage lights and the loud music,” he said, taking a seat across from Gretchen. “Did you message Harry yet?”

“We talked to him over speaker phone last night,” Gretchen said boredly. “You were pouting in the garage or something. I don’t know. Anyway, he said he’d sub for Ben. No charge.”

Shaun set his spoon down. “Seriously?”

“Yep. He said he’s free Monday, so we’re having an impromptu practice session after Ben’s done with work. He’s going to show Harry the ropes.”

“Oh fuck. What a relief,” Shaun sighed. “When can we get a gig, then?”

“I put out the word we’re looking for another show last night,” Gretchen said. “I’ll get back to you on that.”

Shaun beamed. The promise of another show cheered him greatly. He couldn’t wait to get back on stage. He wanted to prove to everyone, even himself, that he could bounce back from death’s door without missing a beat. He wanted the chance to rule the spotlight again.

“Now all we’ve gotta worry about is training Harry,” Gretchen murmured. “Ben’s wedding is this coming Saturday, so we don’t have very long.”

Shaun nodded.

“And we don’t have time for anymore tantrums, either, so try to keep it to yourself next time?” Gretchen asked sweetly, the sarcasm in her tone as thick as molasses.

“Yesterday was your fault, you know.” Shaun glared at the girl. “That picture you showed me of Jesse was…disturbing.”

“Says you,” Gretchen snapped back. “I think it was totally normal. Jesse’s hanging out with his new friends and he looks like he’s enjoying himself. You’re just jealous.”

“Shut up, bitch. I’m not jealous,” Shaun growled, and Gretchen raised her pierced eyebrow.

“Then why are you so emotional about all this? If you don’t care about Jesse anymore—”

“I do care about Jesse,” Shaun said heatedly. “I love him.”

Gretchen gazed at him for a long moment. Finally, she asked: “Then why did you break up with him?”

“You know why,” Shaun said through his teeth. “I explained my reasoning already.”

“Because you’re afraid he’s going to out you? That’s so pathetic, Shaun,” Gretchen sneered. “The fact you’re letting how everyone else thinks make your important life decisions is just sad, in my opinion.”

Shaun wanted to spit he was so angry. “Fuck off,” he grumbled instead.

“No, you fuck off,” Gretchen said back. “You’re the one who ended things. Jesse is entitled to move on. He can be friends with whoever he wants.”

“But not Kyle,” Shaun said darkly. “He can be friends with anyone but him.”

“No, Shaun.” Gretchen pursed her lips. “It doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t matter if you still have lingering feelings. Jesse’s just doing what he can to get by. You don’t get a say in how he does it.”

“You don’t understand,” Shaun said in a rush. “Kyle will find a way to hurt Jesse one way or another to get back at me. I’ve known him since grade school. He’s twisted and vengeful like that.”

“Who the fuck is this Kyle guy, anyway?” Gretchen asked, furrowing her brow. “I think Jesse mentioned him a couple times in passing, but I wasn’t really keeping record.”

“It’s a long, complicated story,” Shaun said, sighing. “But Kyle already screwed Jesse over once. I’m just shocked he keeps getting close to him. I’ve warned Jesse so many times…”

“Maybe he knows something you don’t,” Gretchen suggested.

Shaun shook his head. “Kyle’s just really good at tricking people,” he said. “And Jesse’s too trusting. He never sees it coming.”

Gretchen grabbed her half-eaten sandwich off the table and stood up with it. “Maybe I believe you, but I’m still not going to loan you my Jeep for a murder run.”

Shaun crossed his arms and huffed.

“I’ll say something to Jesse, if you want,” Gretchen continued. “I don’t know, I’ll warn him or something.”

“It’s no good, he’s already been warned,” Shaun said, scowling. “That boy is so damned hardheaded.”

Gretchen laughed. “Aww, that’s cute. Pot calling the kettle black.”

Shaun shoveled a large spoonful of cereal into his mouth, ignoring the girl while he chewed.

“I won’t say anything then, is that preferable?” Gretchen asked.

“It’s for the best,” Shaun said around his mouthful. “I don’t want Jesse to think I’m worrying about him.”

“Yeah, that’d be stupid,” Gretchen sneered. “Why confuse the poor kid, right?”

Shaun glared down at his breakfast. Two bites in and he couldn’t bear to take another. He was too upset to eat.

“I’m going to do a webcam session in my room.” Gretchen took her plate to the trash and tossed the last of her sandwich. “I’ll be done around four, try not to bother me.”

“Oh, I won’t,” Shaun said quite seriously.

“What are you going to get up to?”

Shaun shrugged. “I’ll probably practice for a while. If Harry’s coming tomorrow, then I want to be able to keep up with the rest of you.”

Gretchen smiled faintly. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Shaun looked away. “Here’s hoping,” he muttered.

Gretchen patted Shaun’s shoulder on her way out of the room. “Think about what you want for dinner tonight. I’m willing to compromise.” She strolled out of the room then. “I’ll leave you a pain pill in the bathroom,” she tossed over her shoulder, then Shaun heard her door shut moments later.

Shaun grudgingly finished his cereal, then limped to the sink to rinse his bowl. He was turning off the faucet when Gretchen’s cat, Spooky, jumped on the counter and gazed up at him with his huge, yellow eyes.

“Meeee-ow!”

Shaun sneered at the animal. “You’re not supposed to be on the counter. Gretchen’s rules.”

The cat ignored him. Lazily, the wretched animal lifted a paw to his mouth and cleaned between his padded toes.

“Yah!” Shaun shooed the cat, but Spooky merely blinked in reply. “Scram, you little shit!” he tried again, frantically waving his arms, but the cat was unmoved. Shaun rolled his eyes and left the cat to his business. He didn’t care if it got dirty paw prints on the counter. That was Gretchen’s problem.

Shaun grabbed a bottle of water on his way out, took the codeine Gretchen had left on the bathroom sink, then headed to the practice space in the garage. He was in a better mood today and once he got set up, he practiced diligently until late in the afternoon.

While he wasn’t haunted by visions, like he had been yesterday, Shaun couldn’t get Jesse out of his thoughts. He kept wondering what he was doing, wondering if he was safe, wondering how he was coping with all the alone time with the kids… The more he thought about it, though, the more he realized how much Jesse needed him and how much he was suffering without him in his life. Guilt weighed heavily on Shaun’s mind.

When he was done for the day, Shaun put his things away neatly. He was in a strange mood. He felt like he was going to break something. Or maybe, that he was going to break…

Shaun tried not to look too deeply into his emotions. He’d probably made a big mistake breaking up with Jesse. He’d already had the thought on several different occasions. It felt different this time though. More urgent and tinged with an air of danger. Shaun started over and over again making plans to make things right, to get Jesse back, but then he slammed into a wall of indecision. Jesse couldn’t keep quiet about their relationship. He was so damned proud of it, and of Shaun, he couldn’t stop running his mouth.

Shaun knew Jesse meant well. He knew Jesse loved him with his entire being and that all he wanted was to be in his presence. Shaun knew all of this, but he still couldn’t get around his own stubbornness. He’d promised himself he’d do everything he possibly could to keep his image brutal and Jesse was a direct threat to that promise. Shaun just didn’t see how it could possibly work.

After making sure everything was in its place, Shaun headed back into the house for the night. He hoped Gretchen was done with her webcam stuff because he was starving.

As he came into the house, Shaun heard Gretchen talking on the phone. It was coming from the kitchen. He didn’t make a habit of eavesdropping, but he was curious who Gretchen was talking to. He crept closer.

“… cute and sweet and surprisingly good in bed. But those aren’t reasons to relentlessly chase after some guy,” Gretchen was saying.

Shaun stopped a few feet from the entrance to the kitchen, scowling. It sounded like she was talking about Ben.

“That’s the problem, though. As a woman, I don’t think I should have to do the pursuing,” Gretchen continued. “I’ve made my interest known, now he has to work to keep it. He’s been doing the bare minimum, let’s be honest.”

Shaun ground his teeth. Why couldn’t this relationship stuff die already? Ben was back with his fiancé and everything was back to normal. Right?

“Last night? Yeah, well, that was yet another mistake. I let myself get drunk and let that be my excuse for giving into Ben’s desires. That’s the third time this has happened,” Gretchen chuckled.

Shaun fumed with anger. Ben and Gretchen had fucked again last night? What were these idiots doing?! Back and forth, back and forth, they couldn’t make up their minds and fucking stick with it. Shaun was more frustrated with their indecision then their repeated breaking of the bands only official rule. It reminded him of his flip-flopping emotions around Jesse and that pissed him off royally.

“Yeah. I guess it isn’t funny,” Gretchen said with a sigh. “And no, I don’t know what to do. Ben acted like he was into me when we were fucking; he was sweet, he stared into my eyes a lot and kissed me like he meant it, but then all of a sudden, he’s hurrying to get dressed and get home because he’s going to miss Angela’s curfew…. It pisses me off that he still cares about her so much. I mean, he keeps saying he feels like it’s over between them, but then he also says he needs to give her a chance before he just walks away.”

Shaun angrily crossed his arms. It sounded like Ben was still on the fence about which girl he wanted. Despite Shaun’s dire warnings, he was still lusting after the drummer. Shaun didn’t like this revelation, at all. Mostly, he was worried what it would do to the band…

“No. I don’t need you to talk to him. I want Ben to figure this out on his own. No outside intervention,” Gretchen pressed. “The dummy’s only got a few more days to make a decision. I’d feel bad for him if I weren’t so damned upset…”

Shaun sneered. He was sick of listening to this bullshit. He was close to slamming his way into the living room and storming upstairs so Gretchen knew he’d heard everything and that he was pissed. But then she spoke again.

“I don’t know, Jesse…” Gretchen murmured and Shaun froze at the sound of the name. “I didn’t really want to talk about Ben, anyway. I just wanted to tell you how fucking crazy your boyfriend was last night.”

Shaun’s heart did a backflip. Gretchen was talking to Jesse and they were talking about him. He leaned heavily against the wall, unsure what to do as Gretchen started laughing.

“It was really cute. He was all upset because I told him you’re hanging out with that Kyle guy,” Gretchen said. “Yeah. He was really worried about you. He said some shit about wanting to murder the guy. It’s obvious. He’s extremely jealous.”

Shaun pulled a face. Jealous? Was he really just jealous? The thought of someone else touching Jesse made him wild with rage. Maybe Gretchen was on to something… But then again, Kyle’s track record was horrible. Shaun wasn’t just jealous. He knew something bad was happening to Jesse and he felt powerless.

“He said he still cared about you,” Gretchen said as Shaun ground his teeth. “Fuck, he came right out and said he loved you—”

“Fucking shut up already!” Shaun shouted and Gretchen fell silent. Shaun angrily took the last few steps and darkened the entrance to the kitchen. Gretchen sat at the table with her phone in her hand and a sheepish look on her face. “Every time I tell you something in confidence, you go and break my trust. You’re an enormous bitch!”

Gretchen opened her mouth with a smart retort, but nothing came out. She looked almost guilty. “Shaun, I just—”

“And you and Ben are obviously determined to destroy Defaced before we even get a chance to play Battle of the Bands, so I’ll save my breath. But I’m incredibly pissed you guys are hooking up. I just want you to know that.”

“Yeah.” Gretchen brushed her hair out of her face. “I know.”

“And tell Jesse…” Shaun’s voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Tell him I’m fucking sorry.”

“You can tell him yourself,” Gretchen said, holding out her phone. “I’ve got him right here.”

“No.” Shaun slowly backed out of the room. “Just…tell him.” He whirled on the spot then and flew across the hall and up the stairs to his room. He closed the hatch behind him with a resounding bang. He wasn’t coming down for dinner. He’d rather starve than have to face Gretchen again. Resigned to the hunger pangs, he stretched out on the bed and pulled out his phone, doing his best to distract himself from thoughts of a certain redheaded boy.

That night, Shaun ended up cutting himself once more. He masturbated right after, relishing in the pain and the spill of his own blood. He fell asleep hard when he’d finished and luckily, didn’t dream of anything significant.

Shaun woke at the crack of dawn. Since he’d been avoiding alcohol most days, he’d become a regular early riser. While it annoyed him in some ways, today, he used it to his advantage and went down to grab something to eat before he ran into his bandmate. Leaning against the counter, he slurped down a bowl of cereal while the cat watched from the doorway. Shaun ignored the wretched animal.

When he’d finished, he figured he might as well squeeze in a solo practice session before the real thing tonight. It was Monday and Harry and Ben would be showing up before too long. He kinda wanted a pain pill, but he’d have to go through Gretchen to get it and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the goth girl right now. He was still pissed from yesterday….

Shaun went out to the garage and practiced until well after lunch. He was doing well and he was happy with the sound, he wanted to keep going until the guys arrived, but his leg was hurting and he finally relented and went inside for a sandwich.

When Shaun entered the house, he found Gretchen was busy in her studio. Shaun was glad for her absence. He made a ham sandwich in the kitchen then brought it into the living room so he could eat and watch TV. One of the newer Mad Max movies was on, and he zoned out for a while, sucked into the mindless violence and action. When the movie ended, they played a rerun and Shaun’s head lolled to the side as he dozed off.

Gretchen popped her head into the living room when the credits were rolling. She clicked her fingers a few times and Shaun sat up with a start.

“The guys will be here any minute. Do you want your codeine?”

Shaun nodded.

Gretchen disappeared back into the hall.

Shaun blinked dazedly at the TV, then rubbed a hand over his face. He wished he hadn’t fallen asleep. He felt really out of it now. He sat with his head in his hands until Gretchen came back into the room and cleared her throat. Shaun looked up.

Gretchen stood with Shaun’s codeine cupped in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Wordlessly, Shaun took the water first, then opened his hand to receive the pill. Gretchen folded her arms and carefully watched him take his medicine.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Shaun grumbled, feeling anything but.

Gretchen nodded. “That’s good. Harry’s bringing burgers and fries for everyone so we’ll eat real quick then get to practicing.”

“Sounds good.”

Gretchen continued to watch Shaun as he chugged his bottle of water. It seemed like she wanted to say something, but she held back. Finally, she turned to sit in her armchair and focused her gaze on the television instead. “What’s on?”

Shaun shrugged. It was something with a laugh-track, so he instantly hated the entire premise. He stopped paying attention.

Gretchen, however, crossed one of her half-naked legs over the other and leaned back in her seat, totally relaxed. She watched the little plot on TV play out with a faint smile on her face and Shaun hated her just a bit more for liking the dumb show.

The sitcom was ending when the front door banged open, shortly followed by Harry’s warm greeting. “Hey, hey! You guys hungry?” The blond haired man strolled into the room with several greasy boxes stacked in his arms, the aforementioned food. He plunked down on the couch beside Shaun then set everything on the cushion beside him.

“I’ll get some paper plates,” Gretchen said, then slid out of her armchair and disappeared into the hall. She returned momentarily and handed out plates and napkins. She had another 6-pack of Bud under her arm, but she purposely handed Shaun a Sprite.

Shaun accepted the drink unhappily, then sat up to peruse the selection. He wasn’t all that hungry, but he thought maybe eating something might wake him up, at least. He grabbed a burger from the first box and dug in without much thought.

His eyes on Shaun, Harry took a prefatory sip of his beer. “Nice to see you, man. You look pretty good, all things considered. I saw your ride on the side of the road that night…” He chuckled, then shook his head. “I think a lesser man would still be laid up in the hospital. You… well, you look like you’re ready to rock and roll!”

“Damned right, I am,” Shaun said around his mouthful of burger. “These fucking doctors don’t know shit. If they had their way, I’d be off-stage for like two months. Fuck that. I’ve got shit to do.”

Laughing, Harry clapped Shaun on the shoulder. “Right on.”

Gretchen approached the box of food with her hand on her hip. “I can’t wait til he seizes up on stage. Then we’ll really draw a crowd.”

Harry chuckled while Shaun rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to have a seizure. Fuck.”

“We’ll see,” Gretchen said ominously as she selected a burger and some fries. “I have a feeling your good luck is about to run out.”

Shaun gave Gretchen a sour look, but his mouth was full, so he didn’t say anything.

“Aww, c’mon Gretch, do one of your magic ceremonies for luck, then. I know you’re a good witch,” Harry taunted. “You’ve got witchcraft books all over the house.”

Gretchen pointed her nose in the air. “Magic doesn’t work like that. You’ve got to earn luck through a series of good deeds. You can’t just perform a spell and shape the world to your liking.”

“Oh, is that how it works.” Harry teasingly poked Gretchen in the belly. “I thought you had the power to do anything, girl.”

Laughing, Gretchen danced away. “I will admit, I did a ritual for good energy the night before I met Shaun. I was really hoping something good would come out of it.”

Shaun lowered his burger. “You never told me that before.”

Gretchen shrugged. “It didn’t seem important, I guess.”

“Wow, so, basically, you magically conjured this band?” Harry blinked in amazement. “That’s wicked cool, Gretch.”

With a giggle, Gretchen curtsied, a burger on a plate in one hand and a beer in the other. “I am pretty amazing, aren’t I?”

Gretchen was still laughing when Ben strolled into the room. “Hey guys. Sorry I’m late…” He stopped in the entry and spotted Gretchen and Harry grinning at each other. Instantly, Ben’s face dropped. “What’d I miss?”

Gretchen smirked and flipped her hair. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Ben pouted.

Feeding on Ben’s negative energy, Gretchen turned her back on the man and sat in her favorite armchair. She was still smirking, but she didn’t otherwise acknowledge the needy bassist staring longingly after her.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Shaun grumbled under his breath. Quickly, he filled Ben in. “She was talking about being a witch and casting spells for good luck and shit.”

Ben smiled a little. “Oh, yeah, I remember finding that book of spells the other night.”

Gretchen gave him a serious look. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg, Benny-boy. I’ve got a few hundred more books on my Amazon Kindle.”

Ben’s eyes widened.

Happily, Gretchen started in on her food. “But don’t worry. I’m a good witch. I don’t do curses or make voodoo dolls or anything like that.”

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Ben said. Finally, he entered the room, curiously eyeing the food. “Does anybody got a plate?”

Gretchen nodded toward the empty chair beside her. The beer and the rest of the napkins and plates rested on the seat. Nodding, Ben helped himself.

Everyone ate and everybody, minus Shaun, started to get drunk. Ben had brought more beer and when they moved out to the garage, he dragged in a large case of bud after his instrument and the drinking continued as they got set up to play.

“Oh, hey, I almost forgot,” Ben said when Shaun was adjusting the mic. He stepped closer and handed Shaun a baggie of weed. “I heard you’re almost out of codeine. This might help you relax.”

Shaun accepted it gratefully. “Thanks man.”

Smiling, Ben nodded, then stepped back to his bass.

Shaun kinda wanted to pack a bowl right away, but he didn’t want to hold up practice. He tucked the baggie into his back pocket for later.

“Alright,” Gretchen said from behind her drumkit. “We’ll start on one of our easier songs, Bloodlust. We’ll go slow, so Harry can follow along, then we’ll do it again at regular tempo.”

Harry strummed his guitar, a serious look on his handsome, stubble-grazed face. On the floor beside him was little personal recorder. Later, when he got home or whatever, he’d be able to listen to the songs again and practice on his own. “Sounds manageable. Let’s do it.”

Beside Harry, Ben agreed with a nod. “On your count, Gretch. I’m ready.”

Gretchen glanced at Shaun, who also nodded, then she held her drumsticks in the air and clicked them together as she did a quick countdown.

“Three, two, one!”

The music started then, slower than usual, but Shaun jumped into the familiar melody with zeal. It was nice to have the band back him up again and their sounds flowed together nicely. When the chorus came up, Shaun was totally possessed, and he let his guitar take off.

Break you down, mercy I cannot allow

Through your face my fist will plow

Watching as your blood pours down

Let’s do this now!

They went over Bloodlust a few times while Harry followed Ben’s lead. Luckily, this obviously wasn’t Harry’s first rodeo. He picked up on the part quickly, and they moved onto the next song, then the next.

Gretchen called it quits for the night when Harry finished learning his fifth song of the night. He’d made it through the entire set list, and they were all feeling pretty pumped.

“I don’t want Harry to get the songs mixed up, so we’d better stick to these five for now,” Gretchen said as she grabbed another beer and moved to the couch. “I’m happy. We have enough content for a show.”

“I have a date tomorrow night, and practice with Twisted Heads on Thursday, but I can come Wednesday and Friday if you guys want to practice some more,” Harry said helpfully as he too grabbed a beer and moved to the couch.

“That works for me,” Ben spoke up. “I can be here around 6.”

“I’ll be here, too. Obviously,” Shaun added sarcastically, though he was only partially listening. He knew he’d seen a paper envelope with rolling papers inside somewhere around here and he was on the hunt. He wanted to smoke, damnit.

“Wait.” Gretchen raised an eyebrow at Harry. “You have a date tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Harry smiled. “What? Does that surprise you?”

“A little.” Gretchen snorted. “I thought you picked girls up at the clubs. Since when do you go on dates?”

“This one’s special,” Harry sighed, obviously besotted. “She wants to be wined and dined, and she’s gorgeous and cool enough to justify it.”

“Aww, that’s cute.”

Harry perked up. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, I’m just wondering when you’re going to figure out this girl’s a prude,” Gretchen sneered. “I bet a girl that’s ‘gorgeous and cool’ isn’t going to suck your dick the way you like.”

Harry gasped, scandalized, and he playfully pushed Gretchen into the arm of the couch. “You don’t know that! Don’t say that…”

Gretchen shook with laughter. “You’re so… pathetic, Harry…”

Looking gloomily between the two bantering on the couch, Ben set his bass aside and grabbed another beer, like the others before him also had. There was a significant space at the end of the couch, next to Harry, but he stopped next to Gretchen instead, and awkwardly perched on her armrest.

“Umm…” Gretchen looked up at him questioningly. All the amusement had faded from her expression. “Can I help you?”

With a quivering bottom lip, Ben leaned down suddenly and slipped his arms around Gretchen. “No,” he murmured, his face pressed against her heaving chest. “I’m good.”

Gretchen glanced at Shaun first, who was still across the room, looking for those rolling papers. He wasn’t really paying attention. Gretchen laughed nervously and patted Ben on the head. “What are you doing, Ben?”

“Smelling you,” Ben said simply. “You always remind me of apples.”

Harry had been fighting a smile, but his face cracked at Ben’s little comment and he grinned at the pair beside him with obvious glee. He gave Gretchen the thumbs up.

Gretchen ignored him and closed her eyes in annoyance. “Ben,” she said firmly, and Ben flinched a little, but didn’t otherwise move. “Ben, this isn’t appropriate behavior for band time.”

“I know,” Ben moaned.

“You’d better get it together quick, kid, before Shaun explodes.” Gretchen glanced at Shaun again, who was now rolling a blunt on the tool bench near the back door. “You know how much he hates inner-band romances.”

Across the room, Shaun snorted. “Yeah. I don’t really give a shit anymore. It’s pointless. No matter what I say, you two sneak behind my back and fuck around irregardless,” he said darkly. There was a stunned silence and Shaun finished rolling his blunt and lit up with a spare lighter he’d found with the rolling papers. “So do whatever the fuck you want. Fuck each other silly for all I care. I’m not going to stand in your way anymore. I’m done.”

“Ohh did you hear that, Ben? Our dear master has given us his blessing,” Gretchen said to Ben, her sarcasm thick.

Ben sat up and grinned toothily in Shaun’s direction. “Thanks, man. I—”

“Yeah. I know,” Shaun bit out. He didn’t really, but honestly, he couldn’t bare to deal with anymore dumb relationship talk.

Worse yet, though, Ben and Gretchen were suddenly French kissing on the couch. Harry carefully scooted away, laughing nervously because the bassist and the drummer were really getting into the kiss and it was quickly getting heated.

Disgusted, Shaun turned away from the pair completely and headed outside. Sure, maybe he’d finally given them permission, but still, he wasn’t about to watch them go at it! That hetro shit was gross.

Grumbling under his breath, Shaun started toward the house, but decided at the last minute he wasn’t ready to go in. He stopped on the patio and after a moment of indecision, sat on Gretchen’s pink lounge chair. It was more comfortable than it looked and he stretched out and looked up at the stars.

Shaun still had the blunt in his hand, so he smoked it until it was a tiny roach, studying the night sky in silent contemplation as he enjoyed the ensuing high. He was deep in thought about the music and the songs they’d played tonight when a voice startled him.

“I’m probably going to head home now.”

Shaun turned his head and saw Harry standing on the edge of the patio, smiling sheepishly.

“I don’t think there’ll be any more band talk tonight, if you know what I mean.”

Shaun scowled. “Why? Because they’re fucking again?”

Harry nodded. “Pretty much.”

Shaun wanted to rip his hair out but he knew that’d do nobody any good… He flicked his roach into the grass instead, scowling at nothing in particular.

“So how long has that been going on?” Harry asked curiously. “Gretchen never mentioned anything, but now that I think about it, she and Ben have been making eyes at each other for weeks.”

Shaun looked up sharply. “Please tell me you’re not jealous, as well. I don’t think I can handle a love triangle.”

“No.” Harry shook his head with a laugh. “What Gretchen and I had has run it’s course. Really. I’m happy for her.” He paused then furrowed his brow. “I just thought—”

“That Ben’s getting married on Saturday?” Shaun sneered and Harry nodded slowly. “Yeah. Well, when you figure that one out, tell me, because I’m just as in the dark as you.”

Harry shrugged, then his face brightened as something new came to mind. “So, where’s your better half?” he asked and Shaun tensed up. Harry didn’t notice. “Jesse looked so miserable when I saw him last, at the hospital, I was really looking forward to one of his trademark smiles.”

“We’re taking an extended break,” Shaun grumbled. “And I don’t want to discuss it either. It’s my personal business and I’ll handle it on my own.”

“Oh.” Harry blinked, obviously taken aback by Shaun’s cold response. But he accepted it nonetheless. “Alright then. Seems like a shame, but you must know what you’re doing.”

Shaun inclined his head.

“I think we sounded pretty good tonight,” Harry said, scratching his shaved head as he changed topics yet again. “We worked together like old friends, too.”

“Gretchen mentioned we needed a rhythm guitarist a few times,” Shaun deadpanned. He didn’t see the need to beat around the bush. “We could use your talent long-term.”

“Little old me?” Harry pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m honored you’d consider me, really.”

“Then you should accept.”

“How about this, I’ll come up with rhythm parts for the handful of songs you guys played for me tonight,” Harry said. “Then I’ll show you what I got on Wednesday.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a maybe,” Harry said. “Twisted Head’s going through a phase right now. We’re having a power struggle between percussion and vocals.”

“You mean that chick with the blue hair?” Shaun asked. He remembered the girl from a party weeks ago. He’d seen her in action on-stage that night, too, and he hadn’t been very impressed.

“Yeah. She feels like she’s not getting enough spotlight and my guy on percussion, Eddy, feels like she’s getting way too much and won’t stop doing long-ass solos. I’m not really one for conflict,” Harry said uncomfortably. “And I feel like there’s going to be a huge one coming up. I just want to avoid it.”

“Come be with us, then. We’ll take you in,” Shaun said confidently. “I can’t say we’re conflict-free, but our sound’s a hell of a lot better than the band you’re in now. And I’ll give you full creative freedom over your part, too.”

Harry thought for a long moment, then he held out a hand for Shaun to shake. “Guess we’re bandmates, then.”

“As long as I like what you come up with on Wednesday, then sure,” Shaun said. “Bandmates it is.”

“Oh man,” Harry snorted. “Twisted Head’s going to be so pissed.”

“Of course they are. They’re losing an amazing guitarist,” Shaun said smartly. “But unfortunately, it can’t be helped. They weren’t going to win Battle of the Bands anyway.”

“Probably not.”

Shaun leaned back in the lounge chair and looked up at the sky again. The moon was almost full. It was huge and the large ball of light cast silver shadows across Shaun’s face. Vaguely, he wondered if Jesse was looking at the same sky right now…

“Well, I’ve got a 40-minute drive ahead of me. I’d better hit the road,” Harry said suddenly and Shaun glanced in his direction once more. The guitarist stood with his instrument beside him in the grass and his hands in his pockets. The silver moonlight touched him, too, and Harry’s shorn hair looked almost white. “Catch ya Wednesday, Shaun.”

“See you later.”

Shaun stayed in the lounge chair as Harry collected his guitar and slipped out the back gate. He waited for the GMC to start, then watched as it backed out of the drive and motored down the street.

So, Harry was now an official member of Defaced. Shaun wanted to go to the band immediately with the good news. But, obviously, he couldn’t. There was no way he was walking in that garage right now. Not even for a million dollars.

At a loss what to do with himself, Shaun rolled off the lounge chair and headed inside. He went upstairs and laid on his bed on his stomach. He took his phone out, and after a moment of hesitation, he loaded up Facebook and searched for Jesse’s profile again.

Shaun spent a long time going through Jesse’s pictures, as there were many. Luckily most of them were of his family, and Shaun wasn’t subjected to another jealous fit seeing some unknown girlfriend. Nope, just hundreds of pictures of Jesse with his siblings and his mother, too, on occasion. He was always smiling. His eyes were eternally happy. He was simply…gorgeous.

After a while, Shaun settled on an image of Jesse on his own, lying shirtless on the beach. He had an arm shading his blue eyes, a beautiful flush to his cheeks, and a wry smile on his lips. He looked so sensual and alluring, Shaun found himself growing erect in his jeans without any conscious effort.

“Fuck Jesse…” Shaun murmured as he stared deeply into the redhead’s eyes. “If you were here right now…”

Shaun set the phone aside and flipped onto his back. Trapped in his pants, Shaun’s cock throbbed needily against his thigh and he reached into his jeans and wrapped a hand around the length with a hiss.

With his free hand, Shaun quickly undid his fly. In just seconds, his cock was free and he was stroking it with long, firm motions.

With his eyes still closed, Shaun fantasized about fucking Jesse’s tight little ass. He imagined how Jesse’s warm, supple flesh would feel against his rough hands and dreamed up all the soft, sweet sounds he’d make while he was filled…

Shaun wanted to fuck so badly but all he had was his hand. Desperate, he firmed his grasp until he was strangling his cock, then he stroked himself faster and faster, his arm a blur over his groin. He kept up the pace as faint images of Jesse’s beautiful body paraded through his mind. The images, the memories, kept coming until Shaun finally exploded in orgasm.

His back arching off the bed, Shaun’s come squirted all over the place. He yelled out, once, then collapsed back onto the bed with a groan. He panted hard in the aftermath, exhausted all the way down to his very bones. His eyes fluttered shut, and there was nothing but blackness…

The next day, Shaun woke up early yet again. As he sat up, he realized there was come splattered on his t-shirt. It was crusted around his dick, too. Already feeling grumpy, Shaun rolled out of bed and stripped down to his underwear, tossing his used clothes into the dirty pile for later, much, much later. He gathered a fresh change of clothes, and while he didn’t really think it would help his mood, but he figured he should at least try to get a shower.

With a storm cloud hanging over his head, Shaun stalked downstairs and shut himself up in the bathroom. He washed himself hurriedly, brushed his teeth, then got dressed for the day.

Shaun critically checked his reflection in the mirror when he was done. He bared his teeth and gave himself a menacing glower. Satisfied, he turned to exit the bathroom.

“Oh, you’re already dressed,” Gretchen said, blinking in surprise when Shaun strolled into the kitchen.

“Yeah? So?” Shaun stopped in front of the fridge and coolly assessed his bandmate. Gretchen had a cup of coffee in front of her and nothing else. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she wore fitted leggings with bats and an oversized Cowboys hoodie that looked suspiciously familiar. “Are you dressed? I can’t tell.”

Gretchen scowled. “Yes, I’m dressed, you idiot. I’m in comfy wear.”

Shaun tried not to laugh as he got out the milk.

“I was planning on going grocery shopping early, to beat the rush,” Gretchen said. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come, and you’re already dressed… It’s like it’s meant to be.”

“Fuck no,” Shaun snorted as he made his way to the counter and got down the cereal and a bowl. “I don’t do grocery shopping.”

“Oh, come on. You should really come with me, Shaunie,” Gretchen urged. “It’s meant to be. Come to the store with me. We’ll have lots of fun, I promise. Please. Please…”

“Ugh! Alright!” Shaun snapped, glaring at his cereal as it pinged merrily into his bowl. He was bored anyway. At least this way, he’d be able to get some foods he regularly liked to eat, snacks, drinks, cereal and other easy junk food. He was finding it hard to be without Grandma Ruth’s constant cooking and leftovers.

Gretchen smiled and nodded. “Cool.”

Twenty minutes later, they were loaded in Gretchen’s Jeep and driving toward the nearest grocery store. Gretchen had Mastodon playing on the radio and Shaun approved.

“So, I think last night with Harry went well,” Gretchen said as they pulled to a stop at a red light. “He’ll be a good fill-in while Ben’s in Bali all next month. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Shaun snorted. “I’m actually kind of wondering why Ben is still kissing on you and doing other unmentionable things when he’s scheduled to get married to Angela in four days.”

Gretchen’s face paled.

“Is he going to break up with her or what?” Shaun sneered.

“I don’t know about Angela,” Gretchen said softly, then she cleared her throat and tried again in a slightly louder voice. “We haven’t talked about her yet.”

“Of course not,” Shaun grumbled. “You’re just having fun in the moment. Who cares what happens tomorrow, right?”

“Shaun…” Gretchen started. “Shaun, we can’t help our feelings—”

“Oh god, I don’t want to hear about feelings.”

Gretchen reluctantly shut her mouth.

Angry, Shaun crossed his arms and looked gloomily out the window. “I’ve got some good news to share, actually.”

Gretchen frowned in confusion. “You do?”

“I would have told you and Ben last night, but you were…indisposed.”

Gretchen’s face grew a fetching red. “Yeah…well…we were—”

“I know what you were doing,” Shaun sneered. “Let’s be honest, it was pretty obvious.”

The light turned and Gretchen eased into traffic. “You must be loving this right now. For once, you’re in the right and I’m in the wrong.” She sped up a bit as she got through the intersection and Shaun glanced at her in concern. “Congratulations, Shaun. How does it feel to be better than everybody else?”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Nice try. I’m not falling for your tricks. You’re not going to make me feel bad for your sorry ass. Do you want to hear what I’ve got to tell you or not?”

Gretchen growled liked she was a cat. “Yes, I want to hear it.”

Shaun nodded. “Well, when you and Ben were messing around in the garage, me and Harry got to talking.”

“Okay?” Gretchen looked far from impressed.

“I’m pretty sure I convinced him to leave Twisted Heads,” Shaun said casually, and Gretchen’s eyes got wide. “And he agreed to write rhythm parts for our songs. He’s basically our new rhythm guitarist right now.”

“Oh my god, are you serious?!” Gretchen squealed.

“Dead serious,” Shaun said in a deep voice. “But don’t write about it on social media or anything until it’s official. He hasn’t even quit Twisted Heads yet.”

“Oh wow, I can’t wait to update the fans!”

“Yea, so, I guess it doesn’t matter whether Ben’s marrying that bitch Angela or not. Either way, Harry’s here to stay,” Shaun said with a little smile. “We just gained a powerful new ally, and as soon as we’re all on-stage again, we’re going to tear down the motherfucking venue!”

“Yeah!” Gretchen cheered, then distracted, she started fumbling for something in her little handbag. “Fuck yeah…shit…I need to tell Ben.”

“Fuck, Well, don’t crash us while you try to do it.” Shaun took the wheel and held it steady as Gretchen searched her purse. “I’ve already been in one stupid accident. I definitely don’t need another. At least not yet anyway.”

“Ha ha.” Gretchen finally pulled her phone out of her bag. “Are you already planning your next death-defying stunt?”

“Of course.”

Shaking her head, Gretchen took the wheel back and held her phone up in front of her face. “Send text to Ben,” she commanded the machine, and ever so helpful, it asked what the text should say.

For the next four minutes, Shaun was subjected to Gretchen using voice-to-text to craft Ben a stupidly detailed message. It was a conversation much more suited for in-person, or even a phone call, but definitely not a text.

“Call me, Benny, when you get a chance,” Gretchen said sweetly in closing, then she ended the message and sent it off.

“Are you done now?” Shaun asked rudely.

“I am. Yes,” Gretchen said, tucking her phone away for later. “And we’re here. Are you ready to shop?”

Shaun looked out the window at the approaching supermarket. He was already dreading the aisles upon aisles of flashy crap.

Gretchen found a parking space and the two of them got out and headed inside for a cart. Gretchen reached them first and she pulled one out of the lineup with a grunt of effort. “Shit, these things are too damned heavy.”

“I’ll push it,” Shaun grumbled, then nudged Gretchen out of the way so he could take over.

“See.” Gretchen smiled at him. “You’re already helping me. I’m glad you came.”

Shaun didn’t say anything. He felt a little stupid pushing the buggy around, to be honest. He wasn’t sure he’d ever actually done it before, if he really thought about it. Grandma Ruth liked to do the shopping on her own and he had zero memory of going to the store with his parents, before they’d departed from the earth, that is. Shaun tried to stay as close behind Gretchen as he could and tried not to look like a total noob.

They went down the first aisle and Gretchen grabbed some produce. Some grapes, a bag of apples, some bananas. She placed everything in the cart then moved on, Shaun following right behind her. The next aisle had bread products, and Gretchen grabbed a single loaf, then proceeded on to dairy. Shaun, however, paused on the end cap. On display, there were boxes of mini Blueberry muffins that looked good. He figured he could eat them instead of cereal for breakfast and he tossed them in the cart like Gretchen had, then hurried to catch up.

As they wove through the aisles, Gretchen added items to the cart sparingly. She seemed to be working off some mental list and she walked quickly with purpose. Shaun followed her like a shadow, grabbing foods he thought looked good as he glided by. They were midway through the store and Shaun was tossing some instant macaroni into the cart when Gretchen finally noticed.

“What are you doing?” Gretchen stepped closer to the cart and looked inside. Her eyes widened as she took in all the extra items. “Are… are you adding shit to my cart?!”

“Uh… I thought I was helping you shop.”

Gretchen put her hands on her hips. “I’m on a tight budget, Shaun. We can’t just buy whatever we want, we have to talk about it first!”

Shaun scowled, but that was easy enough. “Well, can I get this stuff, then?” He gestured to the cart.

“No!” Gretchen stamped her foot. “I already told you. We can’t afford it!”

Shaun bared his teeth at the girl and growled, furious he was being denied. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes.” Gretchen was totally unaffected by his look. Her hard gaze didn’t change. “Put that stupid shit back,” she demanded. “We’re not getting any of it.”

Shaking with anger, Shaun whirled back to the cart and snatched the macaroni from the top of the pile. He hurled it back on the shelf so it disturbed the display, sending three blue containers of instant mac and cheese tumbling into the aisle.

“You idiot.” Gretchen hissed but Shaun was beyond listening. One by one, he grabbed the items he’d picked for himself and tossed them carelessly into the aisle. He was creating a huge mess, but he didn’t care. He didn’t stop until only Gretchen’s items remained, and he stood in a heap of groceries, breathing like a dragon. He felt incredibly stupid. He didn’t know why he thought he’d be able to get the food he wanted. Of course he had no choice. That was the story of his life, after all…

“Are you done?” Gretchen sneered while Shaun stood over his discarded food selections, glowering like a gargoyle. “You are such a baby,” she grumbled, then squatted to pick up a couple of Shaun’s abandoned snacks. She set them hazardously on the shelf. She made quick work of Shaun’s mess, luckily, then grabbed the cart in one hand and dragged Shaun into the next aisle with the other. “Let’s go. Before they decide to toss us out.”

Shaun was sour for the rest of the shopping experience. He didn’t ty to put anything else in the cart. He just let Gretchen take over and finish up. He did notice, right at the end, that she added two cases of beer to the lower rack on the cart though. He was kind of annoyed she could get beer and he couldn’t get muffins, but he didn’t say anything. He had a feeling he'd be drinking it later.

They went through check out, Gretchen paid with her card, their items were bagged, then they left the store.

“You know you’re going to have to get a job eventually, right?” Gretchen said as they crossed the parking lot, walking side by side to the Jeep.

Shaun cut a vicious glare in her direction. “What?”

“I mean, I am nice and everything, but I’m not going to let you freeload off me forever,” Gretchen said, slowing as they neared the trunk of the Jeep. “I’ve been paying for everything since you got here and it’s not fair.”

Shaun pulled a face, but he kept quiet. He should have known this was bound to happen eventually. Gretchen was all about fairness after all.

“I’ll give you two months to find something. That gives you enough time to heal from your injuries and get yourself on a schedule,” Gretchen said. “After that, though, I’m going to have to start charging rent.”

“This is bullshit,” Shaun grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. Gretchen was opening the trunk, but he wasn’t got to help her unload. It was her stuff after all.

“Hey, once your contributing, you’ll will able to have more of a say in stuff like groceries,” Gretchen said, grabbing bags at random and tossing them into the back. She didn’t seem fazed by Shaun’s lack of help. She made quick work of unloading the cart, then shut the trunk and stepped around it to get to the driver’s side. “Take care of the cart, okay?” she tossed over her shoulder.

Shaun glared at the cart for moment, then suddenly, he pushed it hard toward the empty lot further away from the store. It banged and crashed as it bumped away. Shaun didn’t watch to see where it ended up, though, he simply climbed into the passenger seat and pretended it hadn’t even happened in the first place.

They were silent during the ride back to the house. Shaun was a storm of negatively and Gretchen obviously sensed it. She kept quiet.

When they got back, Gretchen parked the Jeep, then hopped out to start unloading the trunk. Shaun thought about abandoning Gretchen and letting her get her own damned groceries, when he remembered the beer. He figured he’d better play nice if he wanted to partake. With a sigh, he got out to help.

In one trip, he carried both cases of beer into the kitchen while Gretchen managed the bags in two. She seemed happy enough with Shaun’s effort, however and Shaun took a seat at the kitchen table to watch her start putting things away.

Gretchen got to the cases of beer last. She looked up at Shaun questioningly as she smoothed a hand over the cardboard. “Do you want to skip your codeine tonight and drink with me?”

Shaun nodded.

Gretchen ripped the case open and grabbed a couple beers. She brought them to the table, then took a seat next to Shaun. “Cheers,” she said, lifting her can, a faint smile on her face. “To change.”

Shaun tapped his can against Gretchen’s. “To change.” Though he didn’t agree with most of the stuff Gretchen was doing right now, Ben included, Shaun did agree with this. There was a lot of fucking change happening right now and he was sprinting to keep up with it all….

The next day, Wednesday, Shaun woke up on the couch with a familiar hangover pounding in the back of his head. He sat up with a groan and pushed his messy hair out of his face.

The night before had been a blur of drinking and laughter. He and Gretchen had drunk both cases of beer while they gossiped about other bands and the fans. Gretchen had the scoop on the whole metal scene and she filled Shaun in with obvious delight.

This morning, however, she wasn’t anywhere in sight, Shaun realized as he looked around the living room. He was alone. Again.

Shaun dragged himself to the bathroom, used the facilities, then took a shower. When he climbed out of the tub, he wrapped himself in a towel, then hurried up to his room to get dressed for the day.

He'd totally forgotten about the dirty laundry he’d left in the bathroom by the time he came downstairs, so when a smelly pile of clothes hit him directly in the face seconds upon entering the kitchen, Shaun yelled out ineloquently: “What the fuck!”

“That’s the third time I’ve found a pile of your dirty clothes stinking up the bathroom,” Gretchen bitched. “Grab those. Then go upstairs and get that stinky pile you’ve been ignoring since you got here. I’m not your fucking grandma. You’re going to learn how to do laundry. Right now.”

Growling, Shaun bundled up his clothes. He wanted to say something sarcastic, because he didn’t do laundry, but he’d rather suffer in silence and learn then listen to another of Gretchen’s stupid lectures. He was sick to death of those.

So, Shaun grudgingly learned how to operate the washing machine in the small laundry room off the kitchen. Once he’d collected all his dirty laundry, he tossed everything in the basin, rapidly filling with water, then added the detergent Gretchen indicated and shut the lid.

“Now what?” he grumbled.

“Now we wait. The machine does the rest.” Gretchen smiled and led the way back into the kitchen. “Grab something to eat. You don’t have to do anything until it finishes.”

At the table, Gretchen and Shaun shared some coffee and bowls of cereal. Gretchen was still talking about laundry and different washing techniques, but Shaun wasn’t listening to her. The cat, Spooky, sat right in the doorway to the hall, watching Shaun with his big yellow eyes. For a good couple minutes, Shaun and the cat had a silent stare down. Shaun felt unnerved by the beast. He didn’t know why, but every time that cat looked him in the eye, he felt a chill go down his spine….

“Are you listening to me?” Gretchen asked suddenly and Shaun snapped out of his daze.

“Uh, no. Did you say something important?”

Rolling her eyes, Gretchen sipped her coffee. “Not really, I guess. I’m probably just confusing you with all these instructions anyway. Just use cold water every time you wash your clothes so the colors don’t mix. That’s basically the only thing you need to know.”

“That’s easy enough.” Shaun nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

When they finished with breakfast Shaun started washing their few dishes without comment. He got the message. He had to start contributing or else. At least doing the dishes was something he was familiar with. Ruth used to hassle him into the task at least once a week if not more and he flew through the chore with little trouble.

When he was finishing up, Gretchen stepped in to help. Methodically, she set the bowls and mugs on the counter as she dried them, then carefully put everything away where it belonged. She shut the cabinet with finality, a smile curling her lips.

“Thanks for keeping up with the dishes, at least,” she said. “I haven’t had to bug you about them yet.”

“Yeah, well…” Shaun shrugged awkwardly. He felt really uncomfortable doing household chores, but with the dishes, at least, he’d gotten into a habit.

As they were standing there, the washer buzzed in the other room.

“That’s your clothes,” Gretchen said. “They’re done.”

“Great.”

“Let me show you how to use the dryer.” Gretchen gestured him into the laundry. “It’s even easier than the washer. Just load it up, keep all the settings on normal, then hit the start button.”

Shaun grudgingly followed her. He knew what happened after the clothes were dried and he was looking forward to that part the least. The folding.

Gretchen watched Shaun load up the dryer then get it started. Once it was spinning, she suggested they check out a movie on the TV. “Might as well burn up some time,” she said. “Not much else to do while we wait for the boys to show up.”

So, Shaun ended up watching another stupid horror movie with his drummer. He wasn’t paying much attention to the story, however. He was lost in thought. The teenage boy in the movie was redhaired and slight in figure. He reminded Shaun intensely of Jesse and suddenly Shaun was plunged into a thousand meandering thoughts surrounding the other boy. He couldn’t stop an undeniable longing from gripping his chest until he was nearly breathless with it.

He wanted Jesse. He needed Jesse in a way he’d never needed anybody before…

It took all the strength in Shaun’s body to keep himself from lurching off the couch right that very second and running out the front door. He didn’t know how he was going to get to Jesse’s, but he’d hitch a damned ride if he had to. The idea ran through his mind over and over again, but Shaun locked his ankles together and sat on his hands to mitigate the urge. No…Fucking no!

“You okay over there?” Gretchen asked and Shaun realized he was growling under his breath. Gretchen had her brows raised in question and her glittering eyes demanded answers.

“Yep,” Shaun hissed. “Fucking great.”

Gretchen’s eyebrows dropped lower. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Shaun grunted, turning away to hide his pained expression. “I was just thinking about grabbing that weed Ben gave me. You know, just to help me relax and stuff.”

Slowly, Gretchen nodded her head. “I’d love a hit or two if you don’t mind sharing.”

“I’ll be right back,” Shaun said, then he leapt off the couch and rushed up the stairs to his room. The moment he was alone, he slapped a hand over his mouth and screamed into it with pure frustration. When he stopped, helpless tears stung the corners of his eyes and he wiped them away before they could track down his cheeks. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself from resisting Jesse’s undeniable lure. It wasn’t getting any easier, in fact, it was getting harder and harder by the day for Shaun to stay put here at Gretchen’s while Jesse suffered without him…

Sighing, Shaun sat heavily on his bed and lazily opened his bedside drawer.

He’d been looking for his weed, which was at the back of the drawer, bundled neatly in its ziplock bag, but now his eyes were drawn to the thin paring knife lying beside it.

Just a little cut won’t hurt… Shaun thought as his fingers closed around the knife’s wooden handle, and with a quick movement, he yanked his jeans down so his left hip was exposed. Before he could rethink his decision, Shaun slashed the blade into the skin just under his hipbone. He winced and bit his tongue at the sudden pain that lanced through his body. It had hurt more than he’d expected, and for a moment, black spots swam in his vision. He felt close to passing out, actually…. Then he noticed the blood gushing from the fresh wound, and hissing, he dropped the knife and fumbled for some tissues to stanch the flow.

Once the cut was covered in soft paper and it was no longer actively pouring blood, Shaun closed his eyes and experimented with rhythmically pressing his fingers into the wound. The pain was sharp and stabbing. It was incredibly painful, but when Shaun closed his eyes, he was able to focus on a deeper, warmer feeling of pleasure bubbling up from deep in his belly. Slowly, the warm pleasure in Shaun’s gut overtook the stabbing sensations in his hip. His cock was getting hard and he reached his free hand down between his—

“Shaun?!”

Shaun yanked his hand back and sat up, his eyes going wide.

“Shaun! Hurry up!” Gretchen’s muffled voice came from downstairs. “You’re missing the movie!”

“I’m coming!” Shaun yelled back, then stood up hurriedly to find gauze and some medical tape. The cut had already bled through the thin tissue paper. Shaun figured he’d better try something thicker.

Within minutes, Shaun had bandaged himself up. The wound was perfectly hidden under his jeans, and he felt confident no one would notice. With a whole new energy about him, Shaun grabbed the weed and rolling paper from his bedside drawer, then went back downstairs.

“It’s about time you got back,” Gretchen grumbled when Shaun finally returned. “What were you doing up there?”

“Checking my Twitter account,” Shaun lied. He stepped closer to Gretchen’s armchair and grabbed the wooden TV dinner tray she kept next to her at all times. “I’m not watching this dumb movie anyway.”

Gretchen gave him a suspicious look, but once she ascertained he was rolling a blunt on her table, she settled back into her chair and turned back to the movie.

Shaun lit the blunt when he was done and sat back to enjoy the first hit. It was smooth and he felt himself relaxing bonelessly into the couch as the drug overtook his body. No more was he tense and anxious about Jesse. Shaun felt totally at ease.

“Gimmie some of that,” Gretchen said after a couple minutes, holding out her hand, and Shaun got up lazily to pass the blunt along. “Mmm,” Gretchen said after she took her first pull. “This shit is good.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll hand it back when I’m done,” Gretchen said with a wave of her hand. “You can sit.”

Shaun shambled back to the couch and sat. He turned his attention to the TV and watched, wide-eyed, as the last half of the movie played out. The cute redheaded teen ended up being a crazy murderer and the remaining few scenes were a bloodbath.

They passed the blunt back and forth until the movie ended, then Gretchen suggested they check the dryer.

“It doesn’t have a handy buzzer that goes off when it’s done,” she said. “Not like the washer does.”

Shaun nodded and followed her back to the laundry room. He still didn’t want to do this shit, but he felt less grumpy about everything. Under Gretchen’s supervision, Shaun collected his warm, dry, fresh smelling clothes from the dryer and dumped everything into a spare laundry basket.

“Now,” Gretchen smiled. “We fold.”

Shaun scowled, but as long as he got to keep smoking through the whole thing, he figured he could deal with it. Keeping his complaints to himself, Shaun lifted the basket and carried it back into the living room.

Shaun had the blunt between his lips and was struggling to fold a t-shirt when Gretchen joined him once more. She’d stopped for drinks and she set another Sprite on the TV tray next to Shaun, then opened one of her own. Shaun was expecting her to go back to her armchair, but she sat next to him instead and pulled a pair of jeans out of the basket.

“What are you doing?” Shaun blinked at her in confusion. “These are my clothes.”

“I’m just helping,” Gretchen said simply, shaking the jeans out, then folding them into a neat little square. “Since you’re sharing the weed and everything.”

Shaun took the blunt out of his mouth and rested it on the edge of the TV table. “If you’re going to help me, then show me how to fold this first.” He aggressively shook out his t-shirt. “It looks stupid every way I do it.”

Gretchen laughed, but she pulled another t-shirt out of the pile and showed Shaun how to properly fold the garment. Then she showed him a few more handy tricks. Shaun, for once, listened without comment and quietly took the advice.

Everything was going swimmingly. A neat, folded pile of clothes was stacked next to the basket of unfolded clothes which was rapidly emptying. Soon, Shaun would carry everything upstairs and put it away in his set of drawers. He was so ready for this to be done with, and he was happy they were nearing the end of the arduous task. He grabbed another pair of boxers out of the basket and folded them like Gretchen had taught him. He was vaguely listening to the drummer as she chatted about tonight’s practice session and Harry’s new rhythm parts when suddenly, Gretchen fell deathly silent.

Shaun looked up, curious what had stopped Gretchen’s monologue, when he caught sight of the bloodstained bath towel in the girl’s hands.

“What the fuck,” she muttered, gazing at the very obvious brownish-red stain, her mouth agape with horror. “So, you’re still cutting?”

“So what if I am?” Shaun asked gruffly, sobering in a heartbeat. “Are you going to stop me?”

Gretchen shrugged, then calmly folded the towel and added it to the pile. “No. I guess not.”

“Good,” Shaun said through his teeth, suddenly feeling incredibly bitter. “Jesse was always trying to make me stop. He wanted me to promise him never to do it again.”

“Did you?”

“The first time I did,” Shaun said, smirking meanly. “But I’m not going to lie anymore. I’m not going to stop, and nobody can make me.”

Gretchen sadly shook her head. “No wonder Jesse’s so worried about you. You’re like a walking time bomb.”

Shaun scowled at her.

“Shaun…” Gretchen started hesitantly. “Are you really done with him? With Jesse?”

“Fuck…” Shaun’s scowl slowly slipped away. “I…I don’t know, Gretchen. I’m at such an important phase in my life right now. I just don’t want anything to stop my momentum.”

“I get that,” Gretchen said adamantly. “But Jesse loves you, Shaun. That isn’t something you just throw away because it doesn’t fit into your perfect, fairytale plans.”

Shaun’s mood changed in an instant. His eyes flashed. “You’re one to talk,” he snapped at the girl, angry with her judgement. “Ben’s getting married in three days now. When are you going to stop giving him free pussy? I thought you wanted more for yourself than being some pathetic sidechick.”

Gretchen’s lower lip trembled.

“Break up with him,” Shaun hissed. “Stop fucking him. Your little ‘fairytale plans’ aren’t going to come true, Gretch. Ben isn’t going to ruin his cozy life to be with you. He just isn’t man enough to do it.”

Gretchen was silent for a long moment. Tears glistened in her eyes, but they never fell. Suddenly, she spoke in a low voice. “Fuck you, Shaun. You’re an insensitive asshole.”

Shaun raised his eyebrows and laughed. “I am?”

“Yes.” Gretchen’s cheeks quickly turned a heated red. She brushed the tears away and spoke again, her voice firm. “I don’t know why I’d expect you to understand what it feels like to long for someone even when you know they’re totally off-limits.”

Shaun rolled his eyes, unimpressed. He knew she was referring to his forbidden romance with Jesse, but he didn’t care. “Your point? Ben might have feelings for you, but he’s treating you like a cheap whore right now, and I don’t know why you can’t see that,” he spat. “If he really wanted you, he’d break up with his bitch fiancé. It’s as simple as that and you know it.” Gretchen started to say something, but Shaun cut her off. “Just do me a favor? When you get sick of being used, try not to take your… womanly rage out on the band. We didn’t fucking do anything. In fact, I warned you against doing this.”

Gretchen glared hard at Shaun. Her sweet, honey-brown eyes burned with resentment. “Fuck you,” she said again, then: “I’m going to my room. Don’t bother me until the guys get here.”

“Fine by me,” Shaun grunted.

“Great!” Gretchen got up and stormed out of the room. The cat had been curled in the empty armchair minutes before, asleep, but he sat up with Gretchen’s sudden departure and leapt off the chair to run after her.

Shaun glared after the needy animal. That thing followed Gretchen like his life depended on it. He thought it was a pathetic behavior, really.

In Gretchen’s absence, Shaun took his laundry upstairs and left everything in the basket at the foot of his bed. He wasn’t in the mood to put stuff away anymore. He just felt…tired. He went back downstairs after that and retrieved the remote from Gretchen’s armchair. His eyes half-lidded, he flipped through the available channels on TV until he found something halfway decent. He got through twenty or thirty minutes of programming before he slumped against the armrest, fast asleep.

“Shaunie? Oh Shauuuunie.”

Shaun jerked out of sleep. Someone big was hovering over him, and he felt vulnerable and severely uneased. He blinked his eyes a few times and peered up at the blurry figure in confusion. Slowly, the features came together, and Shaun relaxed. “Oh. Harry. It’s you.”

“Sorry, man.” Harry stood over Shaun, beaming. “I hated to wake you up. You looked so peaceful.”

“I did?” Shaun grunted, rubbing a hand over his face. He felt like shit, to be honest. His hip hurt and his head felt kind of fuzzy from the earlier usage of weed. He was ravenously hungry, as well, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

Harry chuckled. “Um, actually, no. Not really. You had this nasty crease between your brows.”

Shaun scowled unpleasantly.

“Yeah! It looked just like that,” Harry said with a laugh. “You must have been really pissed off about something.”

“I’m pissed off about everything,” Shaun said bitterly. “All the fucking time.”

Harry raised his brows and looked down at Shaun with something like concern on his face. “You know, being brutal doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be miserable, right?”

Rolling his eyes, Shaun flashed Harry his middle finger, and for once, Harry didn’t smile in return.

“Oh. Hey.” Gretchen appeared in the doorway, wearing the same oversized Cowboys hoodie from yesterday. Shaun just knew it was Ben’s. He didn’t even have to ask. “I thought I heard voices.”

“Fuck yeah. The party’s just about to get started,” Harry said, turning to Gretchen as another sunny smile lit up his expression. “I came up with some really sick shit for you guys. I think you’re going to love it.”

Gretchen opened her mouth to say something, but Shaun was quicker.

“I’m not playing until I get something to eat,” he spoke up grumpily. “Is someone ordering dinner?”

“Yes, you enormous baby.” Gretchen glared at Shaun. “Ben’s on take-out duty tonight. He’s bringing tacos.”

Satisfied, Shaun sat back with a nod. Ben would be arriving soon enough. Then he could eat.

“Hey, uh, Gretch?” Harry furrowed his brows in a stupidly adorable expression of confusion. “I didn’t know you were into the Cowboys. Or football at all, really.”

“Oh, this old thing?” Gretchen looked down at the star on her chest, a faint smile on her lips. “Yeah, I’m a huge fan. I’ve had it for ages.”

“Really? I’ve never seen it before,” Harry said suspiciously, and Gretchen giggled. “Wait. What’s so funny?”

“It’s fucking Ben’s hoodie,” Shaun grumbled, annoyed with Gretchen’s coyness. “I’m like 99 percent sure I saw it in the back of his car a few months back when I was bumming a ride.”

Harry smirked. “That makes a lot more sense.”

“Aww.” Gretchen pouted and shoved her hands in her overlarge pockets. “Way to ruin the mystery, Shaun.”

“There’s no mystery with you anymore,” Shaun sneered. “You’re obvious as fuck.”

Gretchen frowned and started a snarky retort when the front door banged open.

“Can somebody help me with these bags?” Ben called down the hall. “I nearly dropped the beer when I was coming up the driveway.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes, but she turned and disappeared down the hall to help her bandmate/lover/future brother-in-law or whatever the fuck he was to her. Shaun had no idea what the idiots were doing anymore…

There was a flurry of activity for the next couple minutes. Ben and Gretchen entered with beer and bags of tacos while Harry retrieved the paper plates and napkins from the kitchen. Drinks were passed out, then foil wrapped tacos next. Gretchen fetched Shaun’s codeine, and he took it gratefully with his Sprite.

Ben and Gretchen wasted no time at all and once they had beer and plates of food in hand, they squeezed together on the armchair and started kissing and muttering sweet nothings to each other. It was gross. Somehow, even with all the PDA, they managed to start on their beers and their food, too.

Shaun watched them go at it as he ate his own meal, totally pissed, but he kept his nasty comments to himself. The only thing he allowed himself to do was to make faces at them occasionally, disgusted with their overt show of affection.

Harry, on the other hand, didn’t even seem to notice. He was busy blabbing about all the hard work he’d done in the past two days creating rhythm parts. He sounded incredibly full of himself, and Shaun was getting sick of his droning voice. He was close to telling the blond to shut up. Instead, he crammed three tacos down his throat and said nothing.

Eventually, the four of them made their way out to the garage. They set up like before. Harry had his recorder again and he got it running so it’d be able to record all the magic. They all were curious to hear what he’d come up with, so they were doing his rhythm parts first.

“Okay, you guys play like normal and I’ll come in with the new part and hopefully wow you,” Harry said, looking at each bandmember in turn, his seafoam blue eyes sparkling with mirth. “This is going to be freaking awesome!”

Shaun smirked a little and jauntily shredded his guitar in reply. He was feeling a little better after eating and now that the codeine had finally kicked in, he was pain-free and full of boundless energy. Ben and Gretchen were separated by their instruments, as well, so their little romance wasn’t bothering him anymore, either.

“Cool,” Harry said, then he turned to Gretchen and smirked. “Give us a countdown, doll.”

Gretchen curled her lip at Harry, but she held her drumsticks up anyway and started a quick countdown.

Shaun started off with a cool guitar riff and everyone else joined in and followed along accordingly. Shaun’s sharp ears immediately picked out Harry’s new additions to the song, and he was more than impressed, he liked what he was hearing and it made him play even harder and sing with even more energy and passion.

For the next two hours, Shaun was sucked into the music and he thought of nothing but lyrics and melodies. He was in the zone, and he was very happy there. He didn’t want the amazing rush of it all to end. When they finished the last song in the set list, though, Ben spoke up.

“It’s past 8, guys,” he said worriedly, checking the time on his phone. “We should do a quick practice run with Harry playing bass before we get too excited about any new rhythm parts. I mean, they’re hella good and everything, but realistically, Harry has to cover my bass parts for the next four weeks—”

“So, you’re really still going through with that fucking wedding?” Shaun bit out, finally reaching his limit with the utter ridiculousness of the situation. Ben turned to him slowly, a pained look crossing his face which irritated Shaun into growling the next part: “I don’t get it, Ben. Somehow, you get to have your cake and eat it, too? Angela and Gretchen?! Wow. How’d you get so fucking lucky? When did you become such a fucking player, man? We’re all really impressed.”

“No.” Ben winced. “It’s not like that. I’m just not totally sure—”

“It fucking sounds like you are,” Shaun snapped. “You’re fucking planning on the honeymoon after all. Right fucking now. While you sit next to your convenient little sidebitch.”

“Hey!” Gretchen complained, throwing one of her drumsticks for good measure, but Shaun barely even acknowledged her. He was staring at Ben.

“Yeah…well…” Ben hedged, fiddling uselessly with his bass guitar and avoiding Shaun’s sharp gaze. “I just don’t want to leave everything to chance. What if something goes wrong and I wind up going to Bali with Angela after all. I just…you never know with her!”

Shaun sneered at him. “So, you’re leading two girls on at the same time and somehow, in your fucked up mind, it’s okay because you’re not totally sure?”

Ben dumbly shook his head. “It’s not okay. I know it’s not.”

“Really now?” Shaun bared his teeth in anger, he’d been having so much fun jamming with the band but at the mere mention of Ben’s stupid wedding... “So what are you going to do about it? How are you going to make this right?”

There was an awkward silence as everyone looked expectantly at Ben. The bassist shifted uncomfortably under all the pressure, rocking from foot to foot as he searched for something to say.

“Somebody is going to lose; you know that right?” Shaun said condescendingly. “You’re going to hurt one of your girlfriends really badly no matter which way you choose.”

Ben nodded, his face grim. “I know.”

Shaun glared at the indecisive man standing across from him. He’d never imagined Ben – good, honest, hardworking Ben – as a guy who could play so carelessly with a woman’s emotions. He’d always thought Ben was better than that and he was disgusted by his recent actions. Absolutely, totally disgusted. Fed up with the pointless conversation, Shaun undid the strap on his guitar and grumpily began to put it away.

“Where are you going?” Gretchen had the nerve to ask. “We’re not done with practice.”

“Well, I am,” Shaun grunted. “I can’t stand to look at this asshole anymore tonight.” He gestured to Ben, who stood guiltily avoiding everyone’s eyes, his instrument gripped tightly in his hands. Shaun shut the case on his guitar and turned away from the bassist with a scowl. “You guys can rehearse without me. I’ve had enough for one night.”

Gretchen tisked but she didn’t verbally disagree. Ben was silent, too. He hung his head and said nothing. Harry held up a hand in farewell.

Shaun left the garage with a frown on his face. He couldn’t believe how quickly his mood had soured. The situation with Ben’s love life was getting serious though. Maybe he would get smart by Friday and officially leave his fiancé for their drummer, but who knows what would happen further down the line. Maybe, just maybe this relationship with Gretchen was just a fling and Ben would get tired of her after a while, but he’d end up breaking her heart in the process, and Shaun imagined Gretchen would leave the band just to make a clean break. Fuck, even if they stayed together, Shaun was envisioning doom and he didn’t like the way it felt.

Pissed, he went in the house and threw himself on the couch in the living room. He glared at the TV. It was still on and another sitcom with an annoying laugh track was playing. He grabbed the remote and found a show about ice truckers on the history channel. It was Wednesday night. There was really nothing better on. He settled in for a bunch of reality TV.

Shaun rolled another blunt for himself while he watched the episode. He made quick work of it and soon, he lit up, and the little room was filled with the scent of marijuana. Shaun relaxed back onto the couch and smoked his blunt quietly, his face without emotion.

By the time the second episode of Ice Truckers was starting, he was feeling less bitter about everything. He wasn’t happy, of course, but his earlier feelings of rage and indignation had faded. Luckily, he’d been pulled into the drama of the show, and he was watching it rabidly. He was spared from thinking about his current problems with the band and his unceasing indecision about Jesse, and when he finished his blunt, he snuffed it out calmly, then lazily began to roll another because he liked the way it’d made him feel. He didn’t light it though, he set it aside for later. He was still enjoying the buzz from the first round.

Thirty minutes later, as the third episode of Ice Truckers began and Shaun sat dazedly, stoned out of his mind, watching the programming with his mouth agape, Spooky the cat wandered in from the hall. Shaun glanced at the animal briefly, then, uninterested, his gaze slid back to the television screen. The cat continued to watch Shaun, however. It sat unblinking in the doorway for a long, long moment, then it rose gracefully and pranced further into the room.

Shaun wasn’t paying attention, so he was startled when the cat suddenly rubbed against his leg. He looked down in surprise.

The cat looked up at him with its bright green eyes and meowed. Loudly.

“What the fuck?” Shaun muttered, confused, but Spooky rubbed his head against Shaun’s calf again and, faintly, Shaun heard the animal begin to purr. Stunned, he let the cat molest his leg. He didn’t know what else to do. He’d only been around cats two times in his life and both times had ended badly. “This is weird. I thought you hated me.”

The cat’s feelings were not clear, but either way, it continued to give Shaun unreturned affection for several moments. Then, the cat stopped and looked up again with its weird, glowing eyes. It pinned Shaun with an intent gaze. “Me-ooow!”

“What? Am I supposed to fall all over myself because you’re suddenly giving me attention?” Shaun snorted. “Sorry, cat. I’m not impressed. You’ve been a dick for weeks.”

As soon as he said it, Shaun knew he was being unfair. Sure, maybe Spooky had never been all that friendly, but Shaun had hated the cat on first sight, he hadn’t even given the animal a chance. Spooky seemed to have come to the same conclusion as he totally ignored Shaun’s rebuff and rubbed his head firmly against his other leg. He seemed to be asking for something, and he let out another forlorn meow as he circled Shaun’s ankles.

“Oh alright, you stupid idiot.” Shaun felt his resolve crumbling as the wretched cat continued to beg. “I guess I could give you a little rub…” He reached down and scratched the cat behind his ear and instantly, the purring increased in volume. The cat arched needily into his hand and Shaun chuckled darkly. “Wow. I knew you were needy, but I guess I didn’t realize what a desperate little attention whore you were.”

“Shaun?

The cat dove under the couch when Shaun jerked upright and squinted into the dark hallway. Harry stood in the entrance to the living room with his guitar in hand.

“Hey, man. I’m heading out,” he said. “I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. I work 6am to 3, then I’ve got to run to the laundromat for a couple loads of laundry, then right after, I’m supposed to meet with Twisted Heads and break the bad news to them that I’m leaving the band.”

Shaun winced a little. None of that sounded fun. One bit in particular, the part about work, stuck out to him, though. “I guess I didn’t realize you had a day job.”

“I’m in construction, but to be more specific, I’m doing basement waterproofing right now,” Harry said casually. “It’s hard work, but the pay’s decent and the guys I work with are cool.”

“Gretchen wants me to get a job to help with rent,” Shaun said vaguely, rubbing his chin as he thought. “I guess I’d rather do construction than fast food.”

“Oh yeah, me too. Food service blows,” Harry agreed with a laugh. “You know what? My boss is looking for general laborers right now. If you’re interested, I could bring you in on Monday to meet him and fill out an application.”

Shaun hesitated as a question came to mind, then, flushing a bit with embarrassment, he just asked. “Do you need a high school diploma to waterproof basements?”

“Fuck no,” Harry snorted with amusement. “There’s like five illegals on the crew right now. My boss doesn’t care about shit like high school diplomas or valid green cards.

“Oh.” Shaun relaxed. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “And the shop’s like twenty minutes from here so if you get the job, I can pick you up until you find another ride or you save up enough for a new car.”

Shaun smirked. “Gretchen will be thrilled when I tell her.”

“That’s good, I guess, cuz you really pissed her off earlier when you walked out of practice,” Harry said.

“Pfft. Like I care. She pisses me off daily.” Shaun rolled his eyes. “Tell me, what are she and Ben doing out there right now?”

“Talking about their relationship,” Harry said, shrugging. “It was quickly turning into an argument, though, so I thought I’d better make my exit.”

“See? Gretchen’s not even in the room right now and she’s still pissing me off.” Shaun huffed. “All I wanted was for her and Ben to be professionals. I didn’t know that was such an impossible request.”

Harry struggled not to smile. “I get it, man. I see your frustration.”

“At least somebody does,” Shaun grumbled, then he reached for his premade blunt and held it up so Harry could see. “Hey. Do you want to blaze with me before you go?”

“Naw.” Harry shook his head. “I’ve gotta be at work at 6am, remember? It’s getting close to 11 now.”

Shaun set the blunt back on the little table. “Suit yourself.”

“I’ll take a raincheck,” Harry said. “Ask me again when I see you Friday.”

Shaun nodded. “I can do that.”

“Nice.” Harry backed out of the entryway. “See you next time.”

Shaun settled back onto the couch once Harry was gone. He was getting sleepy, so he figured he’d finish up this last episode than drag himself up to bed, and thirty minutes later, he did exactly that.

The next day, Thursday, Shaun slept in as late as he could, then, when he woke, he focused on avoiding Gretchen at all costs. Besides two brief trips downstairs for food and to use the bathroom, Shaun stayed up in his room for the entire day, smoking weed, playing on his phone, masturbating a few times, and letting his mind wander when he had nothing else to keep himself occupied. He thought about Jesse a lot and when he managed to think about anything else, it was about Gretchen and Ben. He drove himself crazy with worry until he finally got out the parring knife and cut himself just under his collarbone. As blood ran down his chest, his mind finally cleared, and the thoughts were quieted. He curled up on the bed, then, and forced himself to go to sleep.

Friday morning, Shaun woke up to a new text message. He never got texts, so he wasn’t in the habit of checking for them. The only reason he’d seen the message to begin with was because he’d accidentally left his phone out the night before. Curious, Shaun unlocked the screen.

Nurse Erin’s profile picture was in a little bubble at the bottom corner of the home screen. Shaun tapped on it to open the message. He’d kinda forgotten about their conversation last weekend, so he was a little surprised to see the other man’s face again.

Hey Shaun! I was just wondering if you’re still planning on coming by tonight, the message read and Shaun went over it a few times before he remembered promising last weekend he’d come by Friday, today, and shove his big dick down Erin’s throat.

I don’t know, Shaun typed, mostly because he didn’t know how he was going to get there, for one, and two, because he was having serious doubts about sleeping with someone new. While the thought of fucking Erin’s smart little mouth aroused him immensely, it also made him feel super guilty. Jesse would be absolutely devastated if he ever found out. What time were you thinking? he asked, already planning on bailing. I’ve got band practice later tonight. I might be too tired when it's over to make the drive.

It took a few minutes to get an answer. Shaun was inspecting the newest cut on his chest when his phone finally chimed. Luckily, he hadn’t cut himself very deep the night before and the wound was already scabbing over nicely. Satisfied he was on the mend, Shaun picked up his phone to check Erin’s reply.

Will you still be practicing by 8pm?

Maybe.

That’s fine. Just come by whenever you’re finished, Erin said back immediately, and Shaun sensed a bit of desperation in his words. I’ll be home all night. I don’t work again until Monday evening.

Yeah, I’ll see how I feel later, Shaun typed lazily, refusing to make any empty promises. I might come, I might not. We’ll just have to see. He sent the message, then sat with his phone cradled in his hand while he waited for a response. There was a long pause, and he was starting to wonder if he’d upset the queer little nurse when a new message popped up below his.

Aww, I was so hoping you’d come fuck me silly tonight.

Shaun’s cheeks got hot, and he blinked a few times in surprise as he fumbled for a reply. You were?

Yes, Erin said simply, and Shaun licked his suddenly dry lips. I mean, I really shouldn’t take advantage of the current situation with your boyfriend. I promised myself I wouldn’t touch you…

Shaun snorted and rolled his eyes. He didn’t even know what to say. Luckily, Erin continued without prompt.

But I haven’t gotten laid in over a year. I’m a little desperate at this point.

You poor thing, Shaun typed out, sneering a little. You must have been thinking about my cock all week.

Something like that, Erin said vaguely, and even though he was slightly pissed, Shaun felt his dick perk up with interest.

Give me your address, he typed before he lost his nerve. I’ll stop by if I get the chance. I just don’t know when that’ll be.

Okay, Erin said and after a brief wait, an address appeared in italics below. Shaun knew the town right off the bat. It was a cutesy place maybe thirty minutes from Hallettsville with a fancy little downtown area crammed full of specialty shops and boutiques. Shaun had been there once with his grandmother to buy expensive yarn for her knitting. The town was close to the hospital, too, so it made sense why Erin lived there.

Cool, Shaun said. I’ll probably see you tonight, then.

Good. I’ll wait up for you. No matter how long it takes…

Smirking, Shaun set his phone aside. After his brief conversation with the nurse, he was filled with an empowering sense of confidence. Erin wanted his cock. He was craving it and he couldn’t resist. It was a heady sort of feeling being desired by someone who barely knew him, but Shaun was sure he’d quickly get used to it. He was going to be a rock star, after all.

Feeling pretty good about the day’s prospects, Shaun got out of bed and took stock of himself. He needed a shower, but it wasn’t a pressing concern just yet. He figured he could wait and get one after practice to be extra fresh for his date. He paused to change his t-shirt from last night, though – it had gotten bloody from his leisurely knife play – but he left his jeans on from yesterday, they were still clean. He went down through the hatch next and descended the stairs with a bounce in his step. The moment he reached the bottom, however, he could hear Gretchen talking in the kitchen. It sounded like she was on the phone and Shaun felt his whole mood shift. She’d better not be talking to Jesse again… Suspicious as hell, he crept into the hallway so he could better hear what was being said.

“…sounds like a great idea,” Gretchen was saying. “You’ll get a break from the babysitting for two whole nights. You need this, Jesse.”

Shaun stopped just outside the kitchen doorway, scowling. So she was talking to Jesse. He was immediately upset, even though it didn’t make any rational sense. Gretchen hadn’t even mentioned him. Shaun decided to eavesdrop again until he heard something he didn’t like, then he’d have a reason to stop the conversation.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Gretchen asked. “Why would you be nervous?”

Shaun crossed his arms. What the hell was Jesse up to now? What was the idiot planning? It better not be something that involved—

“Oh, that Kyle kid, again,” Gretchen murmured, and Shaun felt his blood begin to boil. “Do you think he’s up to something now, too?”

Shaun waited an unbearably long moment for Jesse to voice his concerns. He was extremely irritated he couldn’t hear his end of the conversation and in his head, he started to dream up all kinds of horrible things Kyle could have done. Then, suddenly, Gretchen started laughing. She was really amused by whatever Jesse had just said and Shaun finally lost his patience. Grinding his teeth together, he stomped into the kitchen.

Gretchen looked up guiltily when Shaun invaded the room. Her laughter stopped and she dropped her phone in an instant. “Shaun…I—”

“Give me that.” Shaun lurched forward and snatched the phone off the table. He pressed it to his ear, breathing heavily. “Jesse,” he hissed, his heart beating double-time in his chest. “What the fuck are you doing?”

The other end of the phone was silent. Shaun’s ears were filled with the sound of his own heartbeat, thump-bump, thump-bump, thump-bump, then, suddenly, a tiny, little voice spoke up. “Shaun?”

“Yes,” Shaun said through his teeth. “Who the fuck else would it be?”

“I don’t know,” Jesse laughed nervously and the very sound of it sent confused tingles of arousal down Shaun’s spine. “Maybe Ben?”

“Guess again,” Shaun growled, angrily tramping down his desires. “It’s me.”

“Well, great. Now that that’s settled…” Jesse said sarcastically, and Shaun could almost hear his eyes rolling. “What do you want?”

“What do I want?” Shaun grunted, taken aback by the question. He’d become so angry at the mere mention of Kyle’s name, he just jumped into action. He hadn’t planned on what to say.

“Yes, Shaun. I was in the middle of talking to Gretchen and you rudely interrupted,” Jesse said, in full adult-mode. It sounded like he was lecturing one of his bratty siblings and Shaun didn’t like the way it made him feel. “I think it’s a fair question. What do you want?”

“What do I what?” Shaun started, his jaw ticking with annoyance. “I guess I want you to find some fucking common sense already, so you’d stay the fuck away from Kyle!”

Jesse was silent again.

“Did you fucking hear me?!” Shaun shouted. “I don’t know what you just said to Gretchen that made her laugh her fucking head off, but you are not safe in Kyle’s presence. Period! He wants to get some kind of sick revenge out of you for stealing me away and you’re playing right into his little plans!”

“I’m not telling you anything,” Jesse said stubbornly. “And I’m not going to do what you say either. Fuck it. I’m going to Kyle’s for the weekend. I don’t care about the last time—”

“The last time? You mean you already stayed at Kyle’s house?” Shaun’s eyes boggled.

“Yeah. I stayed last week with my brother,” Jesse said casually. “Big deal.”

“But something happened. Right?” Shaun questioned. “What did he do to you?”

“He didn’t do anything,” Jesse said quickly, too quickly for it to be true. “I mean, how could he? My brother was there the whole time.”

Shaun growled low in the back of his throat. He could only imagine the kinds of things Kyle could have done while Jesse was unconscious in his house. Blind with rage, Shaun grabbed the edge of the table to stabilize himself. The whole thing shook with his anger.

“Shaun! Calm the fuck down!” Gretchen cried, grabbing the other end of the table as her cup of coffee slid around dangerously. Shaun dropped it in an instant and turned away with an angry huff. Jesse was still talking…

“…feeling nervous because my brother won’t be coming this time,” he said, and Shaun grit his teeth as his fury rose to new heights. Jesse was going to be alone with Kyle? For two whole nights in a row?! “Mom’s new boyfriend doesn’t have the money for daycare, so she had to get creative. The twins are going to a friend’s house for a weekend slumber party and she’s paying Sam 50 bucks to watch the babies until Sunday morning. It was the only way she could give me my promised weekend off and still go on her date.”

“Oh, fuck that!” Shaun totally skipped over the new boyfriend part. He didn’t give a fuck about Monica. Trembling, he said the first thing that popped into his head. “You absolutely cannot go to Kyle’s house by yourself! That would be the stupidest thing you could possibly do. Like ever!”

“Yeah, well, I don’t care what you say anymore,” Jesse said simply, and Shaun’s jaw literally dropped. “You’re not my boyfriend anymore. I can do whatever I please. And what I please, is to get away from my family for the weekend, so, I guess I’m going to Kyle’s.”

Shaun roared with wordless anger. He didn’t even know what to say! Jesse wasn’t listening to him and there was nothing he could fucking do!!!

“Goodbye, Shaun,” Jesse said. “Thanks for helping me make up my mind.”

“Jesse!” Shaun thundered, but Jesse didn’t answer. Shaun yanked the phone away from his face and glared at the screen. Call ended. “FUCK!” Shaun whirled around with the phone gripped dangerously in his fist.

“Don’t you dare smash my iPhone.” Gretchen snatched the device out of Shaun’s death grip. She’d been standing just behind Shaun, apparently waiting to do that very thing.

Shaun glared at her. “What did he say to you?”

“What do you mean?” Gretchen slid back into her seat at the table with a sigh, her phone pressed safely to her chest. “Which part of the conversation are you referring to?”

“The part where you started fucking laughing?” Shaun said through his teeth. “Why is Jesse so nervous about going to Kyle’s on his own?”

“Oh, that part?” Gretchen snorted. “Shit, with the way you just reacted? Nope. I’m not telling you.”

Shaun’s hands curled into fists at his sides. “You’re a fucking bitch!”

Gretchen shrugged, then flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I’ve been called worse.”

Shaun was so fucking close to ripping Gretchen’s stupid head off; his entire body shook with the effort it took him to stand still and not lunge for the goth girl’s throat.

“Trust me, you wouldn’t want to know anyway. It’d just make you even more upset,” Gretchen said lightly, then she lifted her forgotten cup of Joe and took a little sip. “Damn,” she said, glaring into the depths of her black coffee. “It’s gone cold.”

Seething, Shaun turned on the spot and stormed out of the room. He couldn’t stand to be around Gretchen anymore. He’d fucking kill her if he was….

He took himself out the back and headed to the garage. Once inside, he turned on the Christmas lights then went straight for his guitar. For the next few hours, he poured his heart and soul into practicing. He tried his hardest not to, but even through all the loud notes and the crazy lyrics, he thought about and worried for Jesse. He was seriously thinking about showing up at Kyle’s tonight and crashing the little soiree, but he wasn’t sure how he’d do it. Gretchen wouldn’t loan him her Jeep, no matter how loud he yelled, and Ben wouldn’t be able to do it because he was on a strict curfew set by his loving fiancé. He had to be home before 10 and Shaun didn’t want to be responsible for the nuclear fallout that would take place if Ben got home late, on the night of his wedding, no less.

But Harry… Maybe Harry would be game…. Shaun started making concrete plans to ask the new rhythm guitarist to drive him on a perilous mission to save his ex, after practice, of course. It was the perfect plan. Shaun would show up, raise hell, then Jesse would change his mind. Simple.

Shaun practiced until well after lunch. He only stopped because he was starving. His self-inflected cuts were sore, as well, but that alone wasn’t enough. Grudgingly, he set his guitar aside then headed inside to grab something to eat.

The second he entered the house, Shaun’s ears were inundated with the sounds of wet kissing. Curious, he followed the noises into the living room.

Ben was on top of Gretchen and the two of them were making out frantically on the couch. Their hands were slipping under each other’s clothes, and they were obviously minutes away from tearing them off and going all the way. Shaun loudly cleared his throat.

Ben sat up, his hair wildly askew and a huge, foolish grin on his face. “H-hey Shaun! I didn’t see you there.”

“I just walked in,” Shaun said shortly. “What the fuck are you doing here so early?”

Ben nervously pushed his hair back and pulled away from Gretchen so he was sitting beside her, instead of sprawled across her chest. Gretchen sat up as well and primly straightened her t-shirt. She looked embarrassed, but she was trying to hide it. However, she, too, was smiling and she couldn’t seem to wipe the dumb look off her face. “Uh, well, something pretty significant happened today while I was at lunch. I figured I’d take the rest of the day off to celebrate.”

“Yeah?” Shaun crossed his arms. “What happened?”

Ben turned to Gretchen and smiled and she, cautiously, smiled back. Shaun knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

“I broke up with Angela,” he said finally, beaming. “It’s official. The wedding’s off!”

“Oh,” Shaun said. Well, fuck.

“I heard what you said the other night,” Ben said adamantly. “And I took it seriously. I’ve fallen in love with Gretchen, and I want to honor her. The best way I can do that is by ending things with Angela. So that’s what I did.”

Shaun awkwardly cleared his throat. “Good for you, I guess.”

“Yep. I knew I was going to do it the second I woke up this morning,” Ben continued excitedly. “But I didn’t know how to do it, at first. I went to work and thought about it all through the first half of the day. It took me until lunch to just decide to send her a text, explaining things, you know. So I did that, then I left my phone on my desk and went across the street to get a slice of pizza.”

“That’s when my sister started blowing my phone up,” Gretchen said. “I didn’t even know what she was going on about at first. She just started sending all these long messages filled with curse words. I knew it had something to do with Ben, but not exactly what. I muted her and called Ben.”

“Only, I never got that call,” Ben said. “When I got back to the office, my phone had over a hundred messages from Angela and my work phone was filled with voicemails from her, too. It was crazy. I grabbed my stuff and clocked out early. I was afraid she’d show up and cause a scene.”

“So you came here?” Shaun scoffed, because surely, Angela knew where her sister lived. “Good thinking, Ben. Once she finds out you skipped work, she’ll drive here next.”

“So?” Gretchen said. “If she does show up, at least we’re together. She can’t very well take on the both of us.”

Shaun rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Shaun. Can’t you be at least a little happy?” Ben asked sweetly, batting his eyelashes at Shaun. “I’m not going to Bali after all. We can start playing with the new lineup right away.”

Shaun grunted. That was good. At least.

“Annnnnd I’ve been asking around about last-minute gigs,” Gretchen said cheerfully. “I got us an opening act for the Friday after next.”

Shaun felt a surge of excitement, but his shitty mood kept him from outwardly expressing it. Besides, “That’s two weeks away,” he bitched. “Couldn’t you have found anything sooner?”

“You’ve still got a week of healing ahead,” Gretchen said firmly. “That reminds me. You’ve got two codeines left. Do you want one for practice tonight?”

“No,” Shaun scowled, though he instantly regretted the rash decision. “I’ve got stuff to do tonight after practice. I need to stay sharp.”

Ben furrowed his brow. “What do you have going on tonight?”

Shaun zipped his lips and refused to say anymore. He knew neither of his bandmates would approve of his plans to save Jesse. Not the way he was planning on doing it anyway.

Suddenly, Gretchen let out a bark of laughter.

Ben glanced in her direction, startled, but Shaun looked anywhere but in Gretchen’s direction, glaring bitterly at the far wall for lack of anything better to stare at. He knew he’d been caught.

“You’re going to ruin Jesse’s weekend, aren’t you?”

“No,” Shaun hissed. “I’m going to save him and that’s way more important than a weekend off from babysitting!”

Ben continued to look very confused. “What’s going on with Jesse?”

“Oh, nothing,” Gretchen sang. “It’s just that Jesse’s supposed to hang out with a boy this weekend that Shaun doesn’t like. So, naturally, Shaun’s going to try to ruin everything.”

Ben looked curiously at Shaun as Shaun growled with resentment and frustration. “But…why?” he asked and Shaun couldn’t stop himself from snapping.

“Because he needs me to protect him, that’s why!”

Ben blinked in shock, but luckily, he didn’t ask anymore dumb questions. But Gretchen…

“Pfft. Don’t even try to point out how utterly stupid that sounds,” Gretchen quipped, and Shaun glared at her heatedly. “They’ve been separated for three weeks now, but somehow, Jesse still needs Shaun’s protection.”

“Shut up, cunt,” Shaun growled. “You’re purposefully hiding something from me. Both you and Jesse. You need to tell me what he said about Kyle earlier, I swear to fucking god…”

“Sorry. I don’t have to tell you anything,” Gretchen glared right back. “Guess what? You have no business messing with Jesse’s personal life. You dumped him, remember? You need to leave that poor kid alone—"

“Fuck off, Gretchen! You have no fucking business telling me what to do and ordering me around!” Shaun raged. “I know something fucked up is happening with Jesse and Kyle and I’m going to do something about it! You can’t fucking stop me!”

Gretchen stared at Shaun for a long, silent moment, and slowly, Shaun’s harsh breathing began to level out. But even so, he knew his face was bright red with anger. He could feel his cheeks burning with it. “Fine,” she said finally, her voice much calmer than it had been just a moment before. She took Ben’s hand, squeezed it fondly, then pulled him up with her and off the couch. Shaun blinked at the couple, confused what was happening. “I know when I’m fighting a losing battle. It’s been fun getting screamed at, but I’ve got better things to do. See you later, Shaun.”

His eyes narrowed to slits, Shaun watched Gretchen lead Ben out of the room. He heard the bedroom door shut further down the hall and deflated a bit once he was alone again. “Fuck me,” he said into the quiet.

Shaun stood motionless in the middle of the living room, going over and over the conversation/argument he’d just had with his bandmates. He felt really unsure about the future right now, even though he was healing nicely, Gretchen was getting them gigs, and Ben wasn’t going on a four-week holiday after all. He was still confused about what he wanted to do with Jesse and that was bothering him more and more as the days wore on. He loved the other boy with all his heart. He wanted him desperately. The line between reality and fantasy was blurring the longer Shaun sat in this house, staring at the walls day in and day out. Maybe it didn’t matter if Jesse outted him. Maybe nobody actually cared….

“Uh-uh-uh-uh!”

“Ooooh, fuck, Ben! There. There! Oh…shit!”

Shaun cringed as sex sounds floated down the hall and assaulted his ears. It sounded like Ben was pounding Gretchen into the floor, and disgusted, Shaun moved into the kitchen to make a quick sandwich. He had to get out of here. He didn’t want to listen to his stupid bandmates fucking. Their happiness was infuriating.

In a few short minutes, Shaun had a turkey sandwich made, and a couple of beers tucked under his arm. He quickly returned to the garage and to his instrument, and devoured the food first, then slammed down a couple beers to get himself into the right mindset. When he jumped back on his guitar, he proceeded to shred the hell out of the instrument, drowning out Gretchen’s and Ben’s sex sounds and his own unending thoughts about Jesse. He was doing such a good job focusing on the music, that he was completely taken off guard when Harry, Ben, and Gretchen barged into the garage a couple hours later.

“Sounding good, bro,” Harry said as he strode to his spot and set down his guitar. “Have you ever thought about doing a solo?”

A bit irritated at the interruption, Shaun shrugged unhappily.

“When done sparingly, the crowd loves to see us show off,” Harry said with a laugh, and he was all smiles and good cheer. He didn’t seem to notice the dark cloud over Shaun’s head. “You could really make a show out of it, I’ll bet. With your stage presence.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Shaun said shortly, but he wasn’t thinking about a solo act, he was thinking about his idea to ask Harry for a ride to Kyle’s house. He just had to get through this dumb, unneeded practice session first, then he could get on with his plan.

“So! I heard the good news,” Harry continued jovially as Ben and Gretchen split up to go to their respective spots. Ben to Shaun’s left and Gretchen to the right. “Ben’s here to stay, no more fiancé, no more Bali, and our first show’s two weeks from tonight! I don’t know about you guys, but I think this is an incredible turn of events. I couldn’t be more stoked!”

Shaun let out a sarcastic whoop of excitement, and finally, Harry seemed to notice something was off. He glanced at Shaun with a raised eyebrow.

“You okay, man?” Harry peered at Shaun. “Is something wrong?”

Before Shaun could answer, Gretchen folded her arms behind her drum kit and huffed. “Don’t mind him, Harry. Shaun’s in a bad mood because Ben and I decided to be together and we’re happy. He’s just jealous because he still can’t make up his mind about Jesse. He’s taking it out on us.”

“I am not!” Shaun shouted. “I’m in a bad mood because I’m trying to keep Jesse out of harm’s way, but you’re encouraging him to walk right into a trap!”

Gretchen rolled her eyes again. “Yeah, yeah. And you’re pissed about me and Ben finally hooking up, too. Admit it. It’s official now, and you can’t stand it.”

“You’re doing exactly what I asked you guys not to do,” Shaun said and his voice was quiet, but his words trembled with the strain of his anger. “And you’re doing it with huge grins on your faces, too. Like the enormous assholes you guys so clearly are.”

“Ha!” Gretchen laughed. “If you think Ben and I are assholes now, just wait until you hear this… Ben’s moving in with us.”

“What?!” Shaun’s eyes got huge. “Oh, fuck no!”

“Seriously, where did you think he was going to go?” Gretchen sneered. “My sister’s got the house. There’s no point even fighting about it.”

“Does that mean you guys are going to be keeping me up all night with your super loud fucking?!”

“Yep.” Gretchen smirked. “Most likely.”

“Grrrrr!!!” Shaun growled like a rabid dog.

Frowning, Gretchen waved him off with a dismissive gesture. “Look, we all know you’re pissed, Shaun, but the whole band’s here. We should try to practice, at least a little.”

Shaun wanted to smash something he was so pissed, but then he thought about his plan to save Jesse again, and he glanced up at the glassblock windows set high against the far wall. It was still light outside. It wasn’t time yet. In his head, he’d imagined showing up at Kyle’s house right after he’d picked Jesse up. He didn’t know what he was going to do just yet, but he’d surprise the both of them and leave a real, lasting impression neither of them would forget. But he couldn’t do that now. Jesse was most likely still stuck at home, babysitting, and Kyle was doing whatever the drug dealer usually did in his free time, whatever the fuck that was. He probably wasn’t even home yet.

Shaun met Gretchen’s questioning gaze and nodded curtly. He needed to burn up some time. Practice was the most obvious solution.

“Great,” Gretchen said. “I’ll start a count down, then. From the top, guys.”

The next two and a half hours dragged. Shaun tried his best, but he was distracted and not even the music was enough to keep his attention. His mind kept wandering and his playing wasn’t up to par. Harry had brought the beer tonight, and Shaun was drinking heavily in between songs. It was the only thing keeping him sane.

“Christ,” Gretchen complained when they finished their latest song. She shook her head disgustedly. “That was awful, Shaun. Are you even trying right now or are you too drunk?”

Shaun tipped back his sixth can of beer and drained it in two large swallows. When he’d finished he burped loudly, then casually flicked Gretchen off. “Fuck you. It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was pretty bad, man,” Ben spoke up nervously. “Actually, I think you were playing the wrong song there in the last verse.”

“Like you’d fucking know…” Shaun muttered angrily, then set his guitar aside to get another beer.

“Pfft. Another drink?” Gretchen bitched as Shaun reached the case of beer and cracked open his seventh can. “We might as well call it a night. We’re not getting anywhere while our lead’s wasted.”

Shaun rolled his eyes and took another large drink of beer. Gretchen was such a fucking bitch.

“Eh, we’ve got two weeks to iron everything out. We’ll be fine,” Harry said easily, then he set his guitar down, too, and strode across the room to join Shaun by the beer. “Hand me one too, bud.”

Shaun grabbed another can of beer out of the cardboard box and handed it over, eyeing Harry with apprehension. He had to ask him for a ride in a couple minutes. Practice was over. It was time to hit the road. He just had to figure out how to word it, so Harry wouldn’t get spooked.

“So what’s your plan now, Shaun?” Gretchen asked, getting up from her drum kit and setting her sticks aside. “How are you going to wreck Jesse’s big weekend?”

Shaun glared at her angrily. “I don’t know why you’re being such a bitch, Gretchen. I fucking told you Kyle was out to get Jesse. I told you he was dangerous. Now, Jesse’s saying he’s worried about something and you’re selfishly keeping it to yourself.” He took another gulp of his beer then crossed his arms. “I wish you’d just tell me what he said. So I at least know what I’m getting into. Fuck, Gretchen, maybe I did break up with Jesse, but that doesn’t mean I want him to be hurt or taken advantage of.”

Gretchen gave Shaun a long, serious look. “Do you really want to know what Jesse was worried about?”

Shaun nodded sharply.

“Promise not to freak out, okay?” Gretchen said. “The only reason I laughed when Jesse told me was because it was so fucked up.”

Shaun narrowed his eyes. “What did he say?”

“He…said…” Gretchen bit her lip, hesitating. Shaun stared her down until she started speaking again. “H-he was nervous to stay over at that Kyle guy’s house because the last time he did, he woke up with a uh… a sore ass.”

Shaun frowned dramatically. He tossed his beer back, finished it quickly, then threw the can to the floor. “Right,” he grumbled, then he turned back to Harry. “I need a ride. Now.”

Harry, his eyes wide, blinked at Shaun in confusion. “Um…where to?”

Shaun didn’t even bother to answer. He grabbed Harry’s arm and yanked him forcefully toward the door. He managed to drag the older man halfway across the lawn before he tore away.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Harry cried, pulling to a stop in the middle of the backyard. “Where are we going?”

“Jesse needs my help!” Shaun snapped. “Come on. We have to hurry.”

“Just wait a damned minute,” Harry demanded, refusing to move from his spot in the grass. Shaun ground his teeth together and turned to assess the other man. “What the hell’s going on, Shaun? I’m confused. I thought you were done with Jesse?”

“I don’t know what I’m fucking doing, okay?” Shaun said with a huff of frustration. “I just know he’s being violated right now and I can’t stand by idly and watch!”

Harry blinked at him a few times. “Where is he right now?”

“Back in Hallettsville, where I used to live with my grandparents,” Shaun said through his teeth. “He’s supposed to be at this guy’s house tonight for a sleepover. I want to crash the party.”

Harry got out his phone. He was probably pulling up directions. “I don’t have to do anything, right? I can just wait in the car?”

“That’s probably for the best,” Shaun said, hugging himself tightly. He

Harry checked his phone again with a sigh, then slid it back into this pocket. “Well, alright. It’s Friday, so I don’t have to be up early tomorrow. I’ll give you a ride.”

“Cool.” Shaun nodded, then he turned to head out the back gate. “Let’s go.”

Silent, Harry followed Shaun out to the driveway. By unspoken agreement, they got into his GMC and Shaun waited impatiently for Harry to start the engine. When the van roared to life, he checked the time. It was almost 8:30. By the time they got to Kyle’s it would be past 9 and hopefully Jesse would just be settling in.

They didn’t talk much on the hour-long drive. A few times, Harry asked for directions, but he seemed to have a general idea where they were headed, and he kept to himself for the most part. Shaun was glad. He was busy dreaming up different outcomes for tonight’s intervention. He was restless and the longer he sat, thinking, the darker his thoughts became. By the time they were getting close to Kyle’s, his mind was filled with images of blood, Kyle’s blood. He was angry, so so angry that he hadn’t followed his gut instinct months back, after they’d been outted at school and Jesse had been beaten, he should have murdered Kyle when he’d had the chance. If he had, then none of this would be happening right now….

Soon, Harry got off the highway and Shaun smiled wistfully as he recognized streets and other landmarks. He’d made it. He was back home.

“Take a left at the light, there,” Shaun said as Harry coasted through the quiet little downtown area. “Then go straight for 4 miles. We’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

Harry nodded, then hit his turn signal. There was nobody coming, so he made an immediate left at the intersection. He sped up a bit as the little stores and businesses turned into houses and big, wide-open yards. Shaun leaned forward and sat on the very edge of his seat as the high school flashed past on the right. He was anxious for them to finally arrive. They were just minutes away. His whole body vibrated with a nervous energy, and it was hard to sit still.

Harry was going just over 50 miles an hour when they flew past Shaun’s old place and Jesse’s. Shaun watched Jesse’s house pass by with narrowed eyes, but nothing looked out of the ordinary. The driveway was empty, but all the lights were on inside. People were home. The kids, most likely.

Harry kept going and several minutes passed. Shaun stared out the window at the dark trees and the sea of endless fields, waiting with an almost unbearable tension in his gut for Kyle’s house to appear. Finally, he spotted the ramshackle abode in the distance.

“That’s it there.” Shaun pointed ahead. “Pull off to the side of the road and park in the front.”

Harry did as Shaun instructed. He slowed and pulled the van into the gravel along the side of the road. He parked just in front of the house and Shaun had the perfect view of the place. He peered out his window and assessed the situation. Kyle’s Cadillac was parked in the driveway and the house was lit up inside. Shaun was sure deep in his bones that the blond dealer had Jesse locked in there. He started to get out.

“Shaun?” Harry cleared his throat. “Um… how long do you think you’ll be?”

Shaun shrugged. “Not long. Keep the car running.”

Harry sighed, but he turned the radio up a bit and sat back in his seat. It seemed like he was settling in to wait and Shaun took that as an acceptance. He got out of the van without any further delay.

Shaun slipped around the front of the house and approached from the side yard. It was extremely dark out and he had to wade through waist deep grass, teeming with crickets, to get to the back. As he rounded the corner of the house, he saw the deck off the back with the sliding glass door into the living room. It was all lit up and Shaun figured he should take a peek inside.

He crept through the tall grass and jumped up on the deck. There was an old beat-up charcoal grill pushed into the corner and a small stack of bricks beside it, but the deck was otherwise bare. He pressed himself against the cool, brick wall, shifted closer to the glass and, keeping the majority of his body hidden in the shadow, he looked inside.

Jesse sat just a few feet away on Kyle’s ratty couch, looking dazedly at the TV. He had an open drink in hand which Shaun suspected contained alcohol because he was flushed and his eyes were glassy and inebriated. For a moment, Shaun watched him take little drinks from his cup, studying his sweet face and his tight little body. He still had the cast on his right arm, and his head was still closely shaved, but other than that, he looked just as good as always. He was a sight for sore eyes, and Shaun felt his heart swell with unbearable longing as he took in his familiar features. He wanted desperately to touch Jesse’s warm, red cheeks….

Then, suddenly, Kyle bustled into the room, and Shaun’s mood changed in an instant. His lip curled with distaste as he took in the cocky smile plastered to the other man’s face.

Kyle had two more cups in hand, refills for Jesse, and he paused over the redhead as he said something to him with a laugh. As if on command, Jesse hurriedly finished his first drink, then obediently accepted the second. Kyle gestured for him to drink it, and Jesse hesitated for a second, then took a large swallow, grimacing right after. Finally, Kyle sat beside him and calmly crossed his legs. He was obviously getting Jesse wasted. He might have even spiked the drink. Shaun was furious.

“He said he woke up with a sore ass,” Gretchen had said, back in the garage, and her words rang in Shaun’s ears over and over as he watched the two young men on the couch interact. Jesse seemed to be embarrassed about something, and he couldn’t quite meet Kyle’s eyes as he spoke, but Kyle was the total opposite. He listened to Jesse with confidence, and his toothy smile refused to be wiped away. He was up to something and wasn’t even being sneaky about it. As Jesse spilled his heart out, Kyle continued to ply him with alcohol. More than once, he tapped Jesse’s cup to get him to drink, and Jesse obeyed, finishing his second cup in minutes, then taking the third Kyle offered without comment. He made another little face as he sampled the newest drink, and again, Shaun had a strong suspicion he was being drugged. He had to do something…

And then, suddenly, Kyle reached up and cradled Jesse’s soft, red cheeks in his long-fingered hands. He shushed him firmly, and Jesse fell silent, his pretty mouth turning down at the corners. Kyle said something then that made Jesse’s eyes widen, and then Kyle leaned in, slowly, his eyes zeroed in on Jesse’s soft, kissable lips. Jesse sat dazedly, his face trapped between Kyle’s big hands, obviously not sure what to do. Kyle was seconds away from kissing him and Shaun saw red. He stepped away from the door, grabbed a brick off the stack next to the grill, then spun around and hurled it as hard as he could.

As the sliding glass shattered, Jesse and Kyle cried out in shock and split apart. Jesse proceeded to spill the rest of his drink in his lap, while, a little sharper, Kyle jumped up and fumbled for his phone. He was probably calling for help and Shaun gave the blond a death glare as he stepped into the room, glass crunching under his boots. He was so pissed off right now, he’d fight anybody that dared to show up, he didn’t care if it were police or gang members—

“Oh my god…S-shaun?”

Shaun’s gaze snapped back to Jesse. The redhead stared up at him, his big blue eyes wide with amazement. Shaun loved when Jesse looked at him like that…like Shaun was the most important person in his life… He smirked at the other boy arrogantly and Jesse’s red cheeks got even redder.

“Shaun?” Kyle lowered his phone, and slowly, Shaun turned his gaze from Jesse and leveled Kyle with another glare. “Why in the ever loving hell did you break my window?!”

Shaun stared hard at the blond, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest, his whole body tense with anger, then he launched forward and with a bloodcurdling war cry, he tackled Kyle over the back of the couch.

Kyle let out a girly scream as they fell to the floor. He flipped over and scrambled to crawl away, but Shaun yanked him back and climbed on top of him. He gripped the back of Kyle’s head and forced his face down into the carpet.

“You twisted motherfucker!” Shaun snarled, driving his knee into Kyle’s lower back, into his spine for emphasis. Kyle wheezed in pain. “You think just cuz I’m not here, you can go ahead and rape my boyfriend?! Huh?! Well, think again, faggot!”

Kyle gasped and struggled to free himself, but with the way Shaun was holding him down, he wasn’t able to move. He squirmed weakly underneath Shaun, but it did no good. Shaun just put even more pressure on Kyle’s stupid head. Maybe he could crush it like a grape… Shaun laughed evilly as Kyle began to gurgle.

“Shaun! No!” Jesse’s voice broke through Shaun’s bloodlust, and he looked up heatedly as the redhead rounded the couch. “Let him go, you’re going to kill him!”

Shaun bared his teeth. “Good.”

“No, no, no!” Jesse tripped and fell to the dirty carpet in his haste. He crawled to Shaun on his hands and knees and when he was close, he grabbed him by the shoulders. “Stop! Oh, god, baby, you gotta stop!”

Shaun growled low in his throat. He wanted to act first, ask questions later, but then again, Kyle wouldn’t be able to answer any questions if he were dead. So, grudgingly, Shaun let the blond up.

“Fuck!” Kyle sat up and coughed hard. His hair was askew, and his cheek was marked from the carpet. Shaun was glad to see he’d wiped that gloating smile off his face. He stood up and towered menacingly over the blond, and Kyle scrambled back in fear until he hit the wall. “W-what the hell?!”

“You touched Jesse,” Shaun hissed, narrowing his eyes. “Didn’t you?”

“N-no. I’d never—”

Shaun stalked closer and kicked Kyle hard in the ribs. “Fucking liar!”

“Ahh! No!” Kyle curled into himself defensively. “You’ve got the wrong guy! I didn’t touch Jesse! My boy, Paul, did though. Jesse sucked him off last weekend!”

“Kyle!”

Shaun turned back to Jesse, his nostrils flaring with anger. The redhead sat on his knees, swaying gently from side to side. As they stared at each other, Jesse’s eyes began to fill with tears.

“Shaun…I—”

“You gave some random guy a blow job?” Shaun snapped. “What? Are you trying to make me jealous?”

Jesse flapped his jaw a few times. “I—it was supposed to be a rebound. You weren’t ever supposed to know about it.”

“Lemme guess, this was all Kyle’s idea, right?” Shaun turned back to the blond in question and kicked him again to make a point. Kyle whimpered pitifully and shrunk away. “This fuck put you up to it, didn’t he?!”

Jesse wiped his eyes and looked away guiltily. His bottom lip trembled with fear.

Shaun clenched his hands into fists. “Fucking answer me!”

“Yes! Alright?” Jesse cried, literal tears rolling down his cheeks. “But that doesn’t mean you can kick the shit out of him! I made up my own mind. Nobody forced me to do what I did.”

“Like I believe that,” Shaun snorted, his jaw ticking with anger. “I was just watching Kyle feed you beer after beer. He’s getting you drunk so you can’t put up a fight when he tries to put the moves on you. He does this a lot, doesn’t he?”

“No, he—”

“I’m just trying to get him to relax!” Kyle cried. “Jesus, Shaun. We’re just friends! I would never take advantage—”

“Shut up!” Shaun kicked Kyle again, sharply, doing it a couple times in a row just to make sure he’d stopped talking. “I know how you operate. You’re a sick, twisted pervert and you prey on the vulnerable and the weak! Of course you’d take advantage of Jesse. You can’t fucking help yourself. That’s why I’m here. To fucking stop you!”

In response, Kyle slumped over, clutching his ribs in pain. He kept his head down and he didn’t move or say another word. Shaun figured he was playing possum.

“Well, sorry to ruin your fucked up little plans,” Shaun sneered at the motionless blond. “But I’m taking Jesse home. Now.” He turned away then, disgusted by the mere sight of Kyle. He didn’t care about him anymore, he just wanted to make sure Jesse was alright.

And sitting just a few paces away, Jesse watched Shaun adamantly, his blue eyes sparkling with emotion. Shaun was drawn to him, and he stepped closer, stopping just in front of Jesse and gazing down at his beautiful face. “Come on, Jess. Time to go.”

“But Shaun…” Jesse let out a sniffle, another tear rolling down his cheek. “I don’t want to.”

Shaun sighed and wearily rubbed a hand across his face. He wanted to give in right there and then and take Jesse back to his bedroom at Gretchen’s. He wanted nothing more than to fuck him until sunrise, but now that Jesse was in front of him, and his sad, sad eyes were staring into Shaun’s, he knew deep down that it wasn’t just Jesse’s loudmouth that had caused their breakup. There was more to it. Jesse’s chaotic home life, the situation with his son, Brian, and general issues with money were also factors. Shaun was close, but he still couldn’t allow Jesse back into his life. Not yet. He just wasn’t ready. “Well, too bad,” Shaun said shortly, frustrated with the entire situation. Jesse frowned, but Shaun didn’t pay him any heed. He bent down and scooped the redhead into his arms. “I’m taking you back home. Where you’re safe.”

Jesse whined in protest, but he didn’t struggle as Shaun swept him out of the room and into the night. He looped his arms around Shaun’s neck and held on as they stepped off the deck and into the tall grass.

“I can’t believe you were going to spend the night with Kyle,” Shaun muttered, shaking his head. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking, I was just trying to keep myself sane,” Jesse said sadly. “I’m so stressed out, Shaun. I’m stuck home alone with the kids now more than ever. Sure, Sam’s been helping here and there, but it’s just never enough. I just need some time away from everybody…”

“So you chose to spend it with Kyle of all people?” Shaun sneered. “Great job, Jesse. Fucking bravo. Sounds like you two have been having tons of fun.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” Jesse said, huffing. “I don’t have any other friends, Shaun. You know that.”

“And that’s my fault?” Shaun grunted and Jesse crossed his arms and pointedly avoided his gaze. “That was yet another time you trusted Kyle and it blew up in your face. How many times are you going to get burned before you stop trusting him?”

“That was just a one-time thing, and he’s already apologized for it,” Jesse said easily and Shaun growled.

“Yeah, and now he’s telling you to suck strange dick and according to Gretchen, you left here last weekend with your ass hurting…What the fuck, Jesse?”

Jesse nervously chewed his bottom lip. “S-she told you that?”

“Yes.” Shaun slowed to a stop as they rounded the side of the house and looked back over his shoulder at the empty window into the living room. “I want the truth. Did Kyle touch you? Did he…fuck you?”

“No. I would know if he’d….” Jesse rapidly shook his head. “Both Kyle and my brother said I passed out in the living room that night. They were still partying, so they carried me to Kyle’s bed to get me out of the way. I guess they dropped me in the hall and I busted my tailbone.”

Shaun curled his lip. “That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, well, they were drunk.” Jesse shrugged. “We all were.”

Shaun looked deep into Jesse’s eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Jess. If Kyle did something to you, then I’m going right back in there and…”

“I’m not lying,” Jesse said adamantly, and his blue gaze was steady and assured. “Nothing happened, okay? I promise.”

Shaun sighed heavily but finally, he decided to let it go. “Good. Because if something did…”

“I know,” Jesse murmured. “But it didn’t. So, just relax.”

Shaun nodded shortly, and with that, he started walking again. Harry was probably getting antsy waiting out in the middle of nowhere. They had to get back. He wasn’t done asking questions, though. He wanted to know everything.

“So, I’m curious. How was it sucking someone else’s dick?” he asked, sneering. “Did Kyle get you drunk then, too?”

“Actually, he gave me some ecstasy,” Jesse said sheepishly, but at the same time, he actually seemed kind of proud of it. “And Paul had me smoke a blunt with him. He said it was cut with something extra. I don’t know what it was, but I definitely felt weird.”

Shaun stopped dead in his tracks. He was shaking, he was so upset. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

Jesse’s eyes widened a bit. “What?”

“Y-you can’t—Why are you letting Kyle drug you and shit! Are you fucking trying to get violated?!! Huh?! Is that what you want?!”

“No, I…I…” Jesse murmured, pushing on Shaun’s chest until Shaun set him suddenly on the ground, visually seething with rage. Jesse immediately stumbled in the grass and fell into the side of the house. “Damn it, Shaun! I didn’t do anything wrong! You broke up with me, remember? You’re acting like I’m cheating on you!”

Shaun ground his teeth together. He didn’t know what to say. Jesse was right and that only pissed him off more.

“I don’t even know why you’re here,” Jesse said sorrowfully, leaning heavily against the house. “You don’t want me anymore. You said so yourself, back at the hospital. Why do you care if I suck dick or get drunk with Kyle? You should just leave me here.”

“No,” Shaun hissed, and he wanted to stamp his foot and throw a fit like a toddler, he was so upset. He’d almost had Jesse to the fucking van! “You aren’t safe here, goddamnit!”

“That’s not up to you to decide!” Jesse snapped back. “I trust Kyle. I don’t care what you say anymore!”

Growling, Shaun lurched forward and tried to grab Jesse’s unbroken wrist, but Jesse jumped back at once. He staggered again and whacked his head back against the ramshackle siding. The alcohol Kyle had given him was obviously having an effect. He could barely even stand straight! Shaun, his eyes narrowing, tried to grab him again, but Jesse slapped his hand away and howled like a fucking banshee.

“Don’t touch me, Shaun! I’m serious!”

Shaun stepped back, glaring heatedly at the redhead, his hand tingling from the slap. This was stupid. He knew he could easily overpower Jesse. He could throw him right over his shoulder and drag him back to that house full of his siblings without even breaking a sweat. He wanted to do it, because he loved Jesse, even if they couldn’t be together just yet… Shaun didn’t care if he was being unreasonable, he wanted to keep Jesse sweet and pure forever… He didn’t want anyone, especially Kyle, to touch him!

“Please…” Jesse said suddenly, interrupting Shaun’s dark thoughts. His voice broke with a sob, but he forced himself to continue. “J-just go. I don’t want to see you anymore, Shaun. I don’t need this.”

Shaun blinked at him, stunned. Jesse wanted him to…go?

“Leave!” Jesse screamed, confirming Shaun’s fears. He fell against the side of the house then, sliding down until he sat, crumpled, against the wall. “What are you waiting for? I’m not coming with you. Just fucking go!”

Shaun stood absolutely still for a long moment, not sure what do. Then Jesse started sobbing into his hands. His whole body shook with the force of his sadness and it pained Shaun to watch. Before he even knew he’d decided, he turned away and started stalking through the grass again. He left Jesse there to rot and raced back to the van, parked innocently on the side of the road.

“Where’s Jesse?” Harry asked the second Shaun opened the passenger door.

“He isn’t fucking coming!” Shaun shouted, climbing into the car with a huff, then slamming the door behind him as hard as he possibly could. “That fucking little idiot is too smart to listen to me…. Yeah, fucking right!”

Harry gazed at Shaun in concern. “Um…did you guys have another fight?”

“Yes! Why do you fucking think I’m so pissed right now?!”

“Sorry,” Harry said, holding up his hands in surrender. “We don’t have to talk about it, okay? Just tell me where you want to go next, I guess. I’m at your mercy.”

Shaun angrily crossed his arms and glared hatefully out the window at Kyle’s shitty house. “Just take me home. I’m done here.”

Harry nodded, and wordlessly, he started the engine.

Over the next hour, Shaun stared sightlessly out the window as they drove back to Gretchen’s. He was angry, but he regretted leaving Jesse. He couldn’t stop thinking about him, back there at Kyle’s, cozying up to the blond for some more friendly beers. He knew something bad was going to happen to him and he was kicking himself over and over again for not using his chance to stop it.

Eventually, Harry pulled the GMC into Gretchen’s driveway. Shaun noticed immediately that Ben’s car was still parked behind Gretchen’s and he sneered, remembering their good cheer from earlier that night. They were in love with each other and ready to make it official. Ben was moving in and Shaun, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to move out.

“You’re picking me up Monday morning, right?” Shaun asked abruptly, pinning Harry with a serious look. “You said you’d take me to meet your boss.”

Slowly, Harry smiled. “I did, didn’t I.”

“Yep.”

“Alright then. Be ready to go at 5:30,” Harry said. “And wear something you don’t mind getting dirty. He might hire you on the spot.”

Shaun nodded, satisfied with the response. Once he had money and a place of his own, things with Jesse could finally improve. He could go and save him and his little son… Shaun knew this was a good idea. Determined to make the change, his bad mood lifted slightly and he started to get out, then paused at the last second and grudgingly turned back to thank the other man. “Harry? I uh… I appreciate the ride,” he said awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t go better,” Harry said, giving Shaun a sympathetic look. “You gonna be alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” Shaun said, shrugging. “It’s Jesse I’m worried about. He’s doing all this stupid shit to prove the breakup was a mistake. He’s putting himself in bad situations and trusting people he shouldn’t… It’s hard to watch.”

“Well, is he right?” Harry asked. “Did you make a mistake?”

“Yes,” Shaun said slowly. “But things needed to change and I’m making the changes. Finally. Jesse doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll be ecstatic when he sees all the hard work I’ve done and we’ll be able to be together again. I know it.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.” Harry smiled. “We’ve all been tip-toeing around the subject. It’s obvious you miss him.”

“Fuck, Gretchen isn’t tip-toeing around anything,” Shaun said darkly, glaring at the house. “That bitch is fucking forcing my hand. I feel like she’s secretly trying to get us back together.”

“It’s because she cares about you,” Harry said with a laugh, patting Shaun cheerfully on the back. “I know she’s infuriating at times, but she usually has a good point. You should listen to her.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Shaun grumbled.

“And try to be nice about her and Ben,” Harry said, and his face was serious this time. “She’s had a lot of bad experiences with men. Me included. Here’s hoping she can finally settle down and be happy.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “I just wish it didn’t have to be with Ben. Christ…”

“I know,” Harry said, squeezing Shaun’s shoulder. “But this isn’t about you. It’s about them. They’re in this now, for the long haul, and they need our support, Shaun. That’s what’s best for the band right now, trust me.”

Shaun vehemently disagreed, but he kept his mouth shut. Ben and Gretchen were happening whether he wanted them to or not and to be honest, he was sick and tired of stressing over the situation. Harry was right. Shaun had to let this go. He had to give Gretchen his undying support.

“Well, it’s been fun, but I’ve gotta hit the hay,” Harry said, taking his hand off Shaun’s shoulder and gripping the steering wheel once more. “I’m exhausted, and I’ve got a coffee date with a hot little number in the morning.”

“Oooh yay,” Shaun cheered sarcastically. Fucking everybody was getting laid…

“See you bright and early Monday morning!” Harry said, beaming.

“See you,” Shaun grumbled, then finally, he slid out of the van.

Harry pulled smoothly out of the driveway as he shuffled reluctantly down the front walk. When he reached the door, he paused and took a deep breath.

“Please…please don’t be in there fucking…” Shaun muttered to himself, then he twisted the handle and pushed inside.

“Ahhhh! Yes! Ahhhhhaaa!”

“Uh-uh-uhhhhh!!!”

“Benny! Ohhhhh! God yeeees!”

Shaun slammed the door, hard, so Ben and Gretchen knew he was back, then he clapped his hands over his ears and stormed down the hall and into the living room. Why did they have to be so fucking loud?!

Shaun charged upstairs to his bedroom. He let the latch bang shut behind him, then angrily hit the lights.

The second he was alone, he dropped his hands, and immediately, he was fucking pissed because he could still hear Ben and Gretchen going at it. He sat heavily on the bed and looked gloomily at the bedside table, thinking about the sharp knife hidden in the drawer. The desire to cut himself suddenly overwhelmed his every thought and he yanked the drawer open.

Inside, Shaun’s knife lay innocently next to his cellphone, and he paused as Erin the nurse and their planned rendezvous came to mind. Instead of reaching for the blade, he picked up his phone and checked the screen.

There were 5 missed messages. All from Erin. Shaun tapped into his messenger app.

The first message was from 7. How’s practice? I bet you look sexy as hell right now playing your guitar…

The next one had been sent just after 8. You must be super busy. I hope we’re still on for tonight.

Then a half hour later. Shaun? Are you there?

An hour later, around 9:30, he sent another. I’m still waiting for you, baby. I know how much you want to fuck my mouth.

The last message was an image, and Shaun tapped the thumbnail to enlarge it. Erin had a fluffy white robe on and nothing else. The picture showed a lovely view of his naked chest, belly, and the tip of his erect cock. Shaun felt his own dick twitch with interest.

For a couple minutes, he studied the sexy image, debating what to do. Ultimately, he wanted to get back with Jesse. This whole time, he’d never stopped loving him, and he was still thinking about a possible future together, but right now? Jesse was running around, doing stupid shit to make himself feel better. Why shouldn’t Shaun do the same?

Hey. I’m done with practice, Shaun texted Erin, and immediately, the message got the double blue checkmarks that indicated the other man had read it.

Wow, that took a lot longer than you expected. What happened? Erin replied in just seconds. Shaun imagined he was pouting.

Do you want to do this now or not? he asked rudely. I need to cum.

Sure. I mean, you’ve got my address. I’m still waiting up for you…

Shaun scrolled back through their texts and found Erin’s address. He put it into Maps, then shoved his phone in his pocket. Now, he needed a car.

Back downstairs, Ben and Gretchen were still in the throes of passion. Shaun stopped outside Gretchen’s room and banged loudly on the door.

“…is that Shaun?”

“What the hell does he want?”

Shaun scowled and crossed his arms, tapping his foot impatiently while he waited for one of his bandmates to come to the door. Several long seconds later, Ben opened the door a crack. His face was red and sweaty, and messy brown hair fell into his eyes.

“Uh, dude, we’re kinda busy right now,” he said, absently pushing his brown locks out of his face. “What’s up?”

“I need your keys,” Shaun said, baring his teeth. “I can’t listen to the two of you fuck all night. I have to get out of here.”

“Uh, yeah. Okay.” Ben glanced over his shoulder for a second. “Just…gimmie a sec.” He shut the door in Shaun’s face and Shaun shook his head, disgusted with the entire state of things. He waited for another unbearably long moment for Ben to return, but finally, he did. And he had a set of keys dangling in front of him. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” he said, smirking.

“So basically, do whatever the hell I want then, right?” Shaun sneered, and Ben’s smile fell away. Satisfied he’d made a point, Shaun snatched the keys from him then turned to march out of the house.

Outside, he climbed grumpily into Ben’s ride and started her up. Before he backed out of the drive, he pulled up the directions to Erin’s place and rested his phone on the dash where he could see it. Maps said he’d arrive in 50 minutes.

While he drove, Shaun found some music on the radio and blasted it as loud as the stereo would allow. He didn’t want to think about any part of his stupid life right now. Everything was all so fucked up and he was sick of being stuck in his head. He let the music overtake him, and he sang along with the lyrics and nodded his head with the beat. It was actually incredibly cathartic, especially after all the stress he’d been through tonight. By the time he reached Erin’s neighborhood, he was feeling strangely calm.

The nurse lived in a group of attractive townhomes and Shaun immediately turned down the radio as he entered the complex. He sensed this place had a lot of rules, and his suspicions were confirmed as he then encountered a series of speedbumps, forcing him to slow to a crawl. He passed a fancy community pool and a fenced-in area for dogs to run as he looked for Erin’s house number. Finally, he spotted it. Erin had left the light on for him to make it easier. Shaun pulled into his little driveway and parked in front of the garage.

He took a deep breath, then he got out and started up the tidy walkway. He was about to knock on the door when it flew open and Erin yanked him inside.

“’bout time you got here,” he muttered, then he kicked the door shut behind them and pushed Shaun backward across the living room by his handful of t-shirt. “Sit,” he said, releasing Shaun, and Shaun suddenly felt the edge of a couch pressing into the backs of his knees. With only the slightest of hesitations, he sat. And now Erin stood over him, a lock of dark hair obscuring one of his pretty blue eyes. Erin held his gaze for a second, smiling coyly, then he rolled his shoulders and the robe he’d been wearing fluttered to the floor.

Shaun drank in Erin’s slim, hairless body. The other man’s cock was rising to the occasion, and the very sight of it made Shaun’s jump to attention, as well.

Slowly, Erin sank to his knees and crawled closer so he could rest his hands on Shaun’s thighs. “I was really starting to think you weren’t coming.”

“Yeah, well,” Shaun said vaguely, spreading his legs a bit to make room for his growing erection. “Lucky you, I guess. Here I am.”

“Yes…here you are,” Erin purred, then he slid his hand a bit higher until it rested firmly over Shaun’s pulsing cock head. “You ready for me baby?”

“Fuck yes.”

Grinning, Erin popped Shaun’s fly and tugged his zipper down. In seconds, he’d fished Shaun’s thick erection through the flap in his shorts and immediately, he swallowed the length whole.

Shaun let out a sob of pleasure. Good god, Erin’s mouth was so wet and oh so wonderfully warm. He relaxed back into the couch as waves of pleasure washed over his body. Erin sucked hard on the head of his cock then bobbed his head to wet the shaft. He did this over and over again, taking more and more of Shaun into his mouth with each bob, and Shaun gripped the back of his neck to encourage him. Right now, he was so desperate to come, nothing else mattered; he wasn’t worrying about Jesse and Kyle or thinking about the band and everything that went with it, he was focused solely on Erin’s mouth wrapped around his cock. It was fucking perfect.

For the next three minutes, Erin worked Shaun’s dick with obvious enthusiasm until, finally, Shaun cried out raggedly and came hard down the back of his throat in several long spurts. Erin swallowed Shaun’s seed neatly then sat back on his knees to lick his lips clean. He was smiling and even though Shaun was exhausted, he couldn’t help but to return it.

“Fuck…” he said, smiling wearily. “That was good. Like…really good.”

“I’m not done with you yet,” Erin said, his blue eyes flashing. He warmly rubbed Shaun’s thighs, then he climbed up and sat right in his lap. “You’ve still gotta fuck me, remember? You promised.”

“I did?” Shaun grabbed handfuls of Erin’s round little ass cheeks and squeezed. “Well, shit. You got a bed around here?”

Erin nodded over his shoulder, toward the stairs opposite the front door. “Up the stairs, down the hall, last door on the left.”

Shaun took that as permission to head upstairs. In one smooth movement, he slid off the couch and lifted Erin into his arms. Erin gasped and looped his arms around Shaun’s neck, a lot like Jesse had earlier, and Shaun had to blink a few times to get the redhead out of his thoughts. This wasn’t Jesse. It was Erin, the nurse. Firming his jaw with resolve, Shaun carried the other man upstairs and down a short, carpeted hallway.

The last door on the left held a spacious bedroom with two double windows against the far wall. The room was dominated with a large bed in the center, overloaded with pillows. Shaun went straight to the bed and tossed Erin onto the mattress, then, as the other man rolled onto his belly and climbed to the head of the bed to retrieve something from the bedside table, probably lube, Shaun stepped out of his boots then quickly shucked his jeans and underwear. He was tearing his t-shirt over his head when Erin finally stopped rummaging in the drawer and crawled back to him. He had lube in one hand, which Shaun had expected, but there was something in between his fingers, too, that Shaun had not. As soon as he realized what it was, he wrinkled his nose in discontent.

“I’m not wearing a condom.”

“Um…why?” Erin asked, lifting a single dark brow in confusion.

“Pfft! I just came down your throat, for one,” Shaun snapped. “If you’re so worried I have diseases, then why’d you swallow my load?”

Erin stroked his chin in contemplation. “That’s actually a good point.”

“I’ve worn one…once,” Shaun said, reluctantly. “But that was with a girl. For pregnancy. You aren’t going to get pregnant, so…”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t practice safe sex,” Erin said adamantly. “It’s important.”

“No, it’s not.” Shaun snatched the bottle of lube from the nurse but batted away the hand holding the condom. “Fuck that shit. I don’t have any diseases…I’m not wrapping it up.”

Erin made a face, and for a moment, Shaun thought he was going to insist, but then he tossed the condom aside. “Fine.”

“Good.” Sneering, Shaun opened the bottle of lube, poured some into his hand, then set it on the edge of the bed for later. With a hiss, he smeared it on his cock, then firmly stroked the length a few times to get it interested again. “Are we going to do this or not?”

“Of course we are.” Erin’s eyes were trained downward on Shaun’s hard dick, and he licked his lips with obvious desire as Shaun’s erection quickly reached its normal, impressive size. “You were right. I’ve been dreaming about your dick all week long. I need you, Shaun.”

Shaun said nothing. Suddenly, all he could think about was Jesse and how much he needed Shaun, but Shaun’s cock had a mind of its own. It visibly twitched with agreement and Erin smiled brilliantly in reply. His little pink cock was hard between his thighs, as well, and Shaun figured they should get on with it already. “Alright,” he grunted, pushing Jesse out of his thoughts once more. “Flip over and get your ass in the air.”

Smiling hugely, Erin rolled over and gathered a couple pillows to hold onto. He stuffed them under his chest and belly then raised his ass up in the air.

Shaun climbed up on the bed behind Erin and balanced there on his knees. He couldn’t help thinking how similar Erin looked to Jesse when his back was turned…. With a huff, he grabbed one of Erin’s tight, rounded asscheeks and rudely spread him open. “I’m going to stretch you first,” he said, and Erin nodded. Without further ado, Shaun slid two of his slicked fingers inside.

“Ooooh god,” Erin moaned and his body tensed up for a second before he willed himself to relax once more. “That feels so weird. It’s been way, way too long. I feel like a damned virgin again.”

Shaun pushed his fingers deeper into Erin, but he kept quiet. He couldn’t stand how guilty he felt. Erin’s tight little body was reminding him intensely of Jesse and he was afraid of what he might say. Jesse’s ass should be virgin-tight right now, too, after three weeks of separation and being single. Unless Kyle had fucked him. Or Paul, whoever the fuck that was. Jesse was throwing himself around like he didn’t care anymore and Shaun was so so angry with him, in fact, it was the only reason he was even here right now. If Jesse had allowed Shaun to take him home, like he’d wanted to, then Shaun would be back at Gretchen’s, listening to her and Ben bang it out while he cut himself and masturbated. This was all Jesse’s fault….

“Shaun, sweetie, you’re getting a little rough there,” Erin gasped, pulling away a little. He glanced at Shaun over his shoulder, saw his twisted expression, then frowned. “Uh…are you alright?”

“Yep. Fine,” Shaun bit out, forcing himself to slow down. He didn’t want to talk about his emotions. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to fuck and Erin would pity him. Shaun didn’t want Erin’s pity.

“Are you sure? Because—”

Shaun ripped his fingers out of Erin and smacked him on the ass, hard. “You ready for my cock, faggot?”

Erin winced a little, then he worried his lip, a lot like Jesse liked to do. “R-ready.”

Shaun gripped Erin’s hips to keep himself steady. He took a couple deep breaths, then slowly, he let his eyelids flutter shut. He’d wanted to center himself, but closing his eyes did the opposite. Almost at once, Jesse’s sweet, flushed face from earlier pushed to the forefront of his thoughts. In his mind, Shaun reached out to touch Jesse’s warm cheek…. God, he was so beautiful…

“Shaun?”

Shaun’s eyes snapped open. Erin was watching him with concern. Irritated, with himself, mostly, Shaun grabbed his hard dick and pressed it firmly against Erin’s wet pucker. He braced himself, swallowed down his nerves, then he rocked his hips and drove his erection deep into Erin’s body.

Erin cried out as his asshole clenched down hard around Shaun’s cock. His body was fighting the sudden intrusion, and Shaun knew he should wait for him to get adjusted, but he was in a bad mood and he didn’t care if he was a generous lover or not. He grabbed a handful of Erin’s silky black hair and started fucking him hard and fast.

Shaun’s hips slapped into the backs of Erin’s thighs over and over as they fucked. The sound of it happening was crude and incredibly obvious. Shaun didn’t care though. He dug his fingers into Erin’s soft, pliable skin, using it as a handhold as he pounded the other man’s virgin-tight ass. With his other hand, he pulled on Erin’s beautiful hair, tugging him backward so his spine arched. Erin looked uncomfortable, but Shaun didn’t give a shit. He was in the perfect position for Shaun to nibble on his smooth, vulnerable throat and to whisper in his ear, so that’s what he did.

“You’re a bad, sexy nurse,” Shaun hissed in Erin’s soft, delicate ear. He licked his throat then racked his teeth across the smooth, warm skin until Erin shuddered with pleasure. “You’re a whore. I bet you get it hard like this all the time. You must fuck all your patients like this, right Erin? Huh? Or am I just special.”

“…no…you’re special…” Erin grunted as Shaun continued to slam his cock into his ass at a rapid pace. He had a pained little grimace on his face and he was holding onto the pillows like his life depended on it. He was trying to be subtle, almost like he was embarrassed or something, but Shaun had spotted him rutting his little erection on the mound of pillows below him. He was enjoying this; he was getting off. “I’ve…never fucked…anybody but you…”

Shaun smiled tightly, and finally, he released Erin’s hair and let him curl into the pillows. That’s the answer he’d been aiming for of course, but it too, reminded him of Jesse. Distracted, Shaun held onto Erin’s hips and fucked the other man hard into the pillows, thinking deeply about the redhead as he thrust his hips repeatedly, almost like a machine. He felt pleasure through his dick, but at the same time, it was distant, almost like it belonged to another person. Shaun’s mind was just…elsewhere. When Erin suddenly stiffened up and cried out in orgasm, it was a total surprise.

Shaun slowed to a stop and drew his dick out of Erin’s hole. He was pretending to wait for Erin to catch his breath, but really, he just wanted to switch positions. Desperately. He couldn’t fuck the nurse from behind anymore. It was too easy for him to dream up images of Jesse with Erin’s face hidden out of view.

As if he’d heard Shaun’s thoughts, Erin rolled off the pillows then quickly pushed the soiled ones away. He stretched out in the free space left behind then, gazing heavy-lidded up at Shaun, his cock, still rock hard, bouncing temptingly just over his cute belly button.

Shaun was still hard, too. He hadn’t come yet, unless you counted the blowjob downstairs, and Shaun wasn’t counting that. Eager to just get this over with, he moved between Erin’s pale though shapely legs, then grabbed him around the thighs and roughly dragged him closer so his ass rested right up against Shaun’s broad, hairy legs.

Erin smiled up at him encouragingly and Shaun felt his legs slide around his hips, urging him closer, drawing him in….

Shaun grabbed one of Erin’s legs and hitched it up over his shoulder. That gave him just enough room to reach down and guide his cock into Erin’s tight, wet heat. He pushed and slowly, he entered Erin for a second time.

Erin threw back his head and moaned as Shaun began fucking him again. He was open and thoroughly lubricated now and there was no pain on his face as Shaun ploughed into him with a purpose. He wrapped his arms around Shaun’s neck and pulled him down so their chests pressed together, and their mouths were at each other’s ears. It was a very intimate embrace and Shaun was instantly uncomfortable. He let it happen for a few moments, then he pulled back and grabbed Erin’s hard dick instead, smirking when the other man let out a little gasp of surprise mixed with pleasure.

Shaun continued to play with Erin’s cock while he fucked him good and hard for several more minutes. It took a while, most likely because he’d come so epically just fifteen minutes before, but soon enough Shaun knew he was nearing orgasm. When he felt the undeniable itch, he started tugging on Erin’s dick a bit faster, wanting the finish the nurse off quick because he had the feeling he’d drift off the second he was finished, but just seconds later, Shaun came explosively. He yelled out wordlessly, shooting jet after jet of sperm into Erin’s willing body, and by some miracle, the sweet little nurse was triggered by his explosive orgasm and his little cock pulsed a few times then erupted in Shaun’s hand in obvious sympathy.

“That was good. Like…really good,” Erin said, panting a little but still smiling. He was mocking Shaun, of course, but Shaun didn’t even notice.

“Yeah,” he said indifferently, then he fell bonelessly onto the mattress next to Erin and let his eyes fall shut. “Do you mind if I sleep over? My roommates are being total jackoffs.”

“I don’t mind,” Erin said, but then he rolled out of bed. “I’m just going to clean up really quick. I’ll be back.”

Shaun frowned a bit, but he didn’t open his eyes as Erin bustled out of the room. He was dead tired after two powerful orgasms, and he just wanted to shut his brain off and go to sleep. No more Jesse. No more guilt and anger. No more anything… He made an ugly face, then curled up on his side and forced himself to count sheep.

Shaun was still half awake when Erin returned and threw a blanket over him. In a weird sort of half-sleep, he imagined Erin was Jesse and the second he got back into bed beside him, Shaun grabbed him and hugged him tight.

“Woah. Shaun. Relax,” Erin said, laughing. “I wasn’t gone that long, was I?”

Shaun buried his face against Erin’s naked chest and breathed him in. He didn’t smell right though. Jesse usually smelled like peaches, and Erin did not. Shaun tried his best to ignore it.

“Shaun?”

“I’m sleepin,” Shaun slurred. “Leave me alone, Jess.”

“Jess?” Erin asked, surprised, then, “Oh, Shaun. You poor thing…”

“Shut up,” Shaun demanded and luckily, Erin did. Content for the moment, Shaun made himself comfortable on the other man’s chest, then slowly, he fell into a dreamless slumber.

Six hours later, Shaun woke with a mild headache and spotty memories from the night before. He remembered drinking, a lot, then practice. Things started getting hazy after that. He knew he’d gone to find Jesse, but the events that had transpired were a blur. Shaun was tracing his path back to Gretchen’s when he remembered getting a booty call from Erin, the nurse, and then, somehow, ending up here.

“Fuck…” Shaun pushed his fingers through his hair. He’d fucked Erin last night. Shit! He didn’t want to be with Erin, he wanted Jesse! This whole thing was a huge mistake!

Frantic, Shaun’s gaze darted around the room, but Erin was nowhere in sight. The main bedroom was empty and the large walk-in-closet across from the bed was dark and still. On a chair next to the closet door, folded neatly and with care, Shaun spotted his clothes and he leapt up to retrieve them at once. He pulled his clothes on quickly. He didn’t know where Erin was and he didn’t care either. He had to get out of here. He didn’t belong in this place.

The second Shaun was dressed, he slipped from the room and hurried down the hall. The front door was right at the bottom of the stairs and Shaun flew for it, his heart in his throat.

“…Shaun? Where are you running off too?”

Shaun paused at the door, his hand outstretched, halfway to the doorknob. He turned, slowly.

Erin stood behind the couch, in the entrance to the kitchen. He wore the fuzzy white robe from last night and a pair of navy slippers and had a large cup of coffee in one hand. Smiling, he gestured Shaun into the room behind him. “Come, come. Sit. I’ve got a cup for you, as well.”

Shaun clenched his teeth in frustration. He wanted to go home – he had a sneaking feeling this was a trap – but he couldn’t just…leave. That’d be as good as outright admitting something was wrong, and Shaun didn’t want to do that. Grudgingly, he followed Erin into the other room.

The kitchen was immaculate. Granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, and fancy recessed lighting decked out the room. Erin led Shaun to a small breakfast nook in the corner and sat him at a round table there and just as he’d promised, another cup of coffee sat on its surface, waiting for Shaun’s arrival. He lifted it cautiously and smelled the contents. It was a strong, black coffee, and he nodded in acceptance.

“Good?” Erin asked, then squeezed into the chair across from Shaun and sat gingerly.

Shaun nodded again, then took a sip. It was surprisingly good, and he took another, larger sip right after his first.

“So, what do you have planned for the rest of the weekend?” Erin asked conversationally, and Shaun tensed up immediately. He hated small talk. “Anything fun going on? Another practice, maybe?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no.” Shaun glared at Erin over the rim of his coffee cup. “I don’t even think we have another practice scheduled right now…” That, of course, got him thinking about Ben’s cancelled honeymoon and his subsequent hook up with Gretchen. He frowned, thoroughly pissed, just from the mere thought alone. “It’s TBD, I guess,” he said, setting his cup down with excessive force then scowling at it hatefully.

“Um. Okay?” Erin blinked in confusion, then he tried again. “Well, is there anything else you’re looking forward to? Like maybe you’re going to spend time with someone close to you?”

“I might get a job on Monday.” Shaun shrugged. “My new rhythm guitarist waterproofs basements. He’s taking me to meet his boss so maybe I can do the same thing. “

“Oh, that’s cool,” Erin said, sipping his coffee. “I bet that pays better than most entry level jobs.”

Shaun nodded then paused to copy Erin, taking a hardy drink from his cup. The brew was heavy on the caffeine and Shaun was already feeling a lot more peppy. “I need to get a new car and my own apartment. It’s the only way I can make Jesse happy—”

Erin bit his lip to hide his smile, but Shaun had saw it, and he felt betrayed.

“We’re not back together yet,” he said quickly, his cheeks filling with an embarrassed heat, and only making it worse, Erin nodded understandingly.

“Sure. I’ll bet you two have a lot to work out first.”

Shaun glared at him hatefully, like he had the cup. He known this was going to be a trap. He should have walked straight out the front door when he’d had the chance!

“What happened?” Erin asked curiously, stirring his coffee with a little spoon he’d left off to the side. “Did you talk to him recently?”

“No, I saw him,” Shaun spat. “Last night. Right before I came here.”

Erin’s eyebrows shot upward in surprise.

“It’s taken me a while to accept, but I still love Jesse and I care about him, more than anyone else in this world,” Shaun said through his teeth, utterly convinced with every word he forced out. “But I have to get a job and a car and an apartment before we can be together…I didn’t understand that before, but I get it now. I have to be Jesse’s whole support system and guess what? He’s got a kid coming along, too, so I’ve gotta be figure out how to be a stepparent on top of everything.”

Erin blinked a few times, obviously taken aback, but he shook it off quick. “And that’s all well and good, Shaun, but what the hell are you doing here if you accepted all that? Shouldn’t you be with Jesse right now? Shouldn’t you two be making up?”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Shaun snapped. “We can’t be together until I figure my shit out and get us and his kid a place to live! They’re both suffering right now I can’t fucking save them! I mean, what sort of relationship could we possibly have when Jesse’s always sobbing about his homelife and his little son’s pouting all the time because he’s stuck in daycare and feels like nobody loves him?”

Erin kept quiet, thank god. There was really nothing he could say.

“That’s what I thought,” Shaun muttered darkly, then he took a long drink from his cup.

“It’s just that, for a moment I thought…” Erin shook his head then looked away, blushing softly. “But I was wrong, obviously. I wonder why you really came here, if not to entertain me that is.”

“You wanna know why I showed up last night?” Shaun sneered. “It’s simple. Jesse sucked some random guy’s dick last weekend,” he said bitterly. “I guess I wanted to get even.”

“Oh, you more than got even,” Erin said in a very serious voice. “Listen, I’m all for honesty in relationships, but if I were you, I wouldn’t mention ‘this’ to him.” He gestured between Shaun and himself. “It wouldn’t do any good. This means nothing and you and I aren’t going to ever do it again, so its best to just keep it to ourselves.”

“Cool.” Shaun gave him a sarcastic thumbs up. “It’s our little secret then.”

“Agreed,” Erin said, smiling, but for once, he was faking it, and he hid the expression by lifting his cup and holding it in front of his face. He watched Shaun closely over his cup, his blue eyes unwavering, and Shaun was so disturbed by how much they reminded him of Jesse’s, he finally had to look away.

“So.” He swirled the last few swallows of coffee around the bottom of his cup, looking anywhere but into Erin’s eyes. “Are we good? Can I go now? I’ve seriously gotta take a shower.”

“Actually, I’ve got one more thing.” Erin’s face lit up and he set his coffee aside. He was suddenly cheerful again and Shaun felt a bit of whiplash from the sudden change in subject. “You said you needed a car?”

“Uh, yeah?” Shaun nodded slowly. “Why?”

Erin sprang to his feet and squeezed around Shaun and the table, heading back to the living room. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

Intrigued, Shaun swallowed the last of his coffee, then got up to follow Erin into the living room. They went through a door he hadn’t seen before behind the staircase. It led to the garage and Erin hit the lights as they shuffled inside.

Two cars sat side by side. One was a newer, red Subaru hatchback and the other was an older white Chevy Malibu.

“The red one’s mine,” Erin said, pointing it out. “Maybe six months ago, I’d just finished making payments on it when my grandma died and left me her Chevy. It’s been sitting here ever since.”

“Why don’t you sell it?” Shaun asked. It wasn’t as cool as the Mustang, but the Chevy looked clean and was in good shape. He was curious what was going to happen to it.

“I would, but I don’t really have the time to find a customer,” Erin said sheepishly. “It happens when you work nights. You kind of turn into a vampire.”

Shaun completely missed the joke. He was focused on the car. “How much would you sell it for?”

“How much?” Erin stroked his chin in thought. “For you? How about $500.”

Shaun’s eyes widened. That was an amazing deal. “It’ll take me a week or two to get the money together,” he said. “But if you can wait…”

“It’s been sitting in my garage for months. I can wait,” Erin said kindly. “Text me when you get the money.”

Shaun had a strong urge to give Erin a bear hug, but he resisted. He smiled hugely instead. “You have no idea how much this helps…”

“I can imagine.”

“Thanks Erin,” Shaun said, forcing himself to stop grinning like an idiot. He looked stupid. He knew he did. “Seriously. I mean it.

Erin chuckled and waved him off. “Don’t mention it.”

In the next couple minutes, Shaun and Erin said their goodbyes. Shaun felt a bit less guilty about the whole experience, after talking it out, but he was glad they’d decided not to have a repeat performance. Shaun knew it wasn’t technically ‘cheating’ but he still felt bad about sleeping with other people. He didn’t want Jesse doing anything with anybody else either, so he figured he’d pay him the same respects.

Soon, Shaun was climbing into Ben’s car and starting the engine. He turned up the radio, but not enough to disturb the neighbors. He didn’t want to get Erin in trouble. He could wait until he reached the open road to blast the death metal. With a sigh, Shaun backed out of the driveway and started for Gretchen’s.