It took a couple minutes for someone to answer, and Kyle was long gone by the time Sam finally came to the door. “Sorry,” he said distractedly, pulling it open wider so Jesse could come inside. “I forgot the door was still locked.”

“That’s okay.” Jesse squeezed inside. “I’d rather it was locked then left wide open for some random serial killer on the loose.”

“Are there any of those wandering around currently?” Sam asked, smirking.

“Who knows, man. Let’s not tempt fate.” Jesse locked the door behind them, then turned to get a better look at the living room. It was cluttered, more than it usually was, at any rate. There were toys on the floor, a blanket from the bedroom upstairs was tossed lazily across the armchair, and a couple sticky sippy cups sat on the coffee table, forgotten, but the kids seemed alright. Brian was hanging over the back of the couch, waiting to be noticed with a big grin on his face while Lissa hung out on the carpet, munching on a small bowl of cheerios.

“Everything’s fine, Jess, you can stop with the laser-eyed scrutiny,” Sam laughed, and Jesse turned back to him with a sheepish grin.

“I’m sorry. I just…” Hesitating a bit, Jesse rubbed the back of his neck. “I worried about you, is all. All weekend long.”

“Yeah, right. You were busy having fun,” Sam accused, and just like that, his good mood started to slip.

“I was busy, yes, but I was still thinking about you guys every second I had the chance,” Jesse said firmly, and Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s the truth, whether you believe it or not.”

“It’s fine. I’m already over it,” Sam said, brushing him off. He started back toward the couch and took a seat next to Brian. “Kyle and I already made plans for tomorrow. I’m getting out of here first thing in the morning.”

“Yeah. I figured you would,” Jesse sighed then came around the couch to grab a seat, too. On Brian’s other side.

“Jesse!” Brian immediately threw himself into the teen’s arms.

“Hey, little guy. I missed you,” Jesse said, hugging the toddler tight. “How was your weekend?”

“It was okay, but it would have been better if you were here,” Brian said in a little voice and Jesse hugged him impossibly tighter.

“I know what you mean, Bri. Trust me.”

Sam watched the sentimental scene with a neutral expression. “I told you everything was fine, didn’t I?”

Jesse shrugged, rubbing Brian’s little back for comfort.

“I know you’re probably pissed I’m going out tomorrow, but I seriously need a break,” Sam said. “I’m not like you, Jess. I’m not used to watching the kids all day long by myself. For days at a time.”

Grudgingly, Jesse nodded. “I get it. Brian and Lissa aren’t as stressful as the twins, but they need help with everything. You can’t just send them to their bedrooms with tablets when you get sick of them. They need constant care and supervision. It can be very time consuming.”

“Exactly,” Sam said. “That’s why I’ll help you tonight, but tomorrow, I’ve got to get out of here for a while. I think I’ve earned it.”

Unfortunately, Jesse was very used to taking care of all the kids on his own. Though he wasn’t looking forward to it, he decided to give Sam the day off he’d requested. “Alright. Fine,” he said. “Take the day off if it makes you happy.”

“Thanks, man!” Sam beamed. “I mean, I’ve been so busy with the kids, I only got to light up that blunt you left me two times since Friday. And both times, I got interrupted within seconds of getting a hit, so I had to put it out again right away.”

“Oh, well, be my guest,” Jesse snorted. “I’m here now. You can go sit in our room and smoke the rest of it.”

“Awesome!” Sam cheered, then he jumped up and stepped around the baby. “I’ll be back in a bit! In a much better mood, too, I hope.”

As Sam made his way upstairs, Jesse turned his attention back to Brian. He set the boy on the couch then smoothed a gentle hand over his super short hair, just taking a moment to appreciate his sweet childish face.

Brian smiled at him. “How was your weekend, Jesse?”

Jesse was a bit taken aback by the question. Immediately, the violating dreams from the night before came floating to the forefront of his thoughts, but he wasn’t about to bring that up. “Well,” he said slowly, stalling for time, and then Shaun’s surprise visit Friday night came to mind and he smiled. “Shaun came by Friday night, looking for me,” he said and Brian’s eyes got huge. “Yeah. It surprised us too. Me and my friend, Kyle.”

“That blond guy?”

Jesse nodded. “Shaun thought Kyle was doing something bad, so he was trying to rescue me, I guess. It was pretty crazy, Shaun beat him up, actually.”

Brian’s little face filled with amazement.

“Yeah. That’s the face I made too,” Jesse said, laughing at his son’s cute expressions. “I was shocked.”

“But…what did your friend do?” Brian asked curiously. “Why was Shaun trying to rescue you in the first place?”

Jesse tried to think about it in a way a toddler could understand. “It’s because Shaun thinks Kyle kissed me,” he said at last. “He’s jealous.”

“I thought you guys weren’t boyfriends anymore.”

“We aren’t,” Jesse said. “But maybe, and don’t get your hopes up too high, maybe he’s reconsidering that.”

Brian started to bounce on the couch, a huge smile stretching across his little face.

“I said not to get your hopes up,” Jesse admonished, but he couldn’t help laughing at the toddler’s antics. “Shaun’s obviously confused right now and doesn’t know what he wants. We just have to be patient and wait for him.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing,” Brian whispered. “At night, before I go to sleep, I think about him. Sometimes, when I’m lonely, I tell him things.”

“Oh Brian…” Jesse pulled the boy into another hug. He felt so so bad for him. Despite what everyone else thought, Shaun had been such an amazing influence on him. He’d given Brian the attention he craved for and showed him care and affection without even trying. Jesse wanted that relationship back, for Brian’s sake. He hoped being patient paid off and that Shaun decided to come back to them.

Eventually, Brian got tired of being smothered and asked if they could play with the Legos. Jesse ruffled the little one’s hair, then got up to go find the box.

Jesse and Brian were sitting in a pile of blocks when Sam came back downstairs. The younger teen smiled at the pair on the floor, then went to tend to the baby, who had just finished her snack.

For a few hours, things went smoothly. Brian was content with Jesse’s mere presence, and he played quietly on the floor while Jesse split his time between playing and picking up the living room and the kitchen. He hadn’t even been upstairs yet, but Jesse was shocked by how much of a mess had piled up while he’d been away. Rather than get upset, though, he funneled his frustration into cleaning. Sam, at least, kept a good eye on Lissa and Brian when he had to duck out of the room to wash dishes or throw some clothes in the laundry.

When the main house was nearly spotless and Jesse was about to sit down again, Sam and Brian started whining about lunch. They were hungry and Jesse wasn’t about to let them mess up the kitchen he’d just worked so hard cleaning. With a sigh, he headed back into the kitchen to get some food warmed up.

Everybody had just finished eating and Jesse was lazily cleaning up again when there was a knock at the door. Jesse and Sam had been expecting the twins for over an hour now, so Jesse was ready. He threw down the dish towel and went to answer the door.

An angry blond lady stood on the other side. She had Tyler in one hand and Allison in the other and both kids looked super guilty.

“Uh…” Jesse blinked. “How were the twins?”

“Terrible,” the lady said. “Absolutely awful, if I’m being honest.”

“Oh.”

“They ran wild all weekend. They were total hellions,” the lady started, her red face trembling with rage. “They refused to eat anything I served, threw fits because I asked them to follow a couple simple rules, fought over everything, and they kept my kids up for 48 hours straight! I don’t think anybody slept a wink while they were under my roof.”

Jesse wordlessly held his arms out for the unhappy children and the blond lady released them gratefully. Tyler shuffled right past Jesse and slipped inside but Allison walked into Jesse’s arms and hid her head against his chest. He hugged her consolingly.

“Where’s your mother?” The lady asked. “I’d like to talk to her about how she’s raising these children!”

“She’s uh…still on her date in Arizona,” Jesse said sheepishly. “She’ll be back sometime later tonight.”

“Oh my god.” The lady threw her hands up. “I should have known. The way they’re acting, it’s like they have no discipline in their lives at all. No order. And it’s obvious, they don’t.”

Jesse fidgeted a little, feeling his cheeks heating with a blush. He wasn’t even the one being yelled at, but he felt like he was responsible, in a way.

“How often does your mother leave you in charge of the kids?”

Jesse laughed at the awkward question. “Honestly? Every single day.”

The blond lady narrowed her eyes. “And you’re how old?”

“Almost nineteen,” Jesse said. “So, I’m an adult. This is all technically legal.”

“Probably not for much longer,” the lady muttered, then she shook her head and turned to go back to her van. Jesse watched her go for a minute, then he shut the door.

“Shit,” he said into the silence. “That lady’s going to call child services. I just know it.”

“Sounds like she’s gearing up for it alright,” Sam agreed. In Jesse’s absence, Tyler had joined Sam on the couch, and he sat beside the teen with an exceptionally gloomy expression. Sam turned to the boy, a smirk playing at the edges of his lips. “What the hell did you do?”

“Nothing!” Tyler whined. “That lady was a bitch.”

“Hey! Language!” Jesse cried, but Tyler folded his arms and avoided looking in Jesse’s direction. Gently, Jesse pushed Allison away so he could step around the couch and get in Tyler’s line of sight. “If you were using words like that at your friend’s house, then no wonder his mom’s so upset.”

“But she is a bitch!” Tyler protested. "She wouldn't let us do anything fun. She made us eat gross food and go to bed super early."

"So you decided to act out?" Jesse pressed.

Tyler shrugged sulkily. "Maybe."

Jesse pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the headache from earlier make a resurgence. "Tyler, you can't just misbehave because you don't like the rules somewhere. That's not okay."

"But it's not fair!" Tyler burst out. "We never get to do anything fun. Mom's always gone and Sam’s always busy. We’re always stuck here with you and you hate us!”

Jesse gaped at the boy in total shock. “T-that is so not true, Tyler. I’m your big brother.”

“Yeah, but we all know you’d rather be with your weirdo boyfriend,” Tyler sneered. “And he’s the worst. The rest of us are glad he’s gone. We’re sick of you moping around all the time.”

Jesse shut his mouth, struck totally speechless by his five-year-old brother. There was a moment of awkward silence, then, Brian spoke up, turning from his Legos to address a smug faced Tyler.

“Nuh-uh. I’m not happy Shaun’s gone. He’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, well, you’re weird, too,” Tyler said, scowling at the younger boy, and Jesse finally found his voice again.

“Tyler, Allison, go upstairs. We’ll talk about this later.”

“But I didn’t even say anything!” Allison whined.

“Yeah, but you’re responsible, just the same,” Jesse said. “All you guys had to do was go to your friend’s house, behave, and have a good time and you couldn’t even do that.”

Allison stomped her foot. “But Jesse—”

“Do you know how much trouble we’ll all be in if that lady really does call CPS?” Jesse snapped. “You just caused us a whole lot of headaches and worries. Just go upstairs while I figure out what to do with you.”

Allison, tears in her eyes, turned to run upstairs. Tyler, however, continued to look incredibly smug. He slid off the couch and strolled casually upstairs like he owned the place.

Jesse shook his head in disbelief as he watched Tyler saunter up the stairs. He couldn't believe how badly the twins had behaved and how dismissive Tyler was being about it. This situation was serious - if that woman really did call CPS, their whole family could be in trouble. He turned to Sam, who was still sitting on the couch looking bemused by the whole situation.

"Can you believe that?" Jesse asked incredulously.

Sam shrugged. "I mean, he’s not wrong about you being distracted lately. You have been pretty wrapped up in all this Shaun drama."

Jesse felt a flash of irritation. "That's not fair. I've been taking care of everyone just like always."

"Yeah, but you're not really present, you know?" Sam said. "You're here physically, but your mind is always somewhere else. The kids can tell."

With a heavy sigh, Jesse sank down onto the couch next to Sam. "None of that is important right now. What are we going to do? If CPS gets called..."

Sam shrugged. "Maybe it'll be a good thing. Mom clearly can't handle taking care of all of us."

"But we could get split up," Jesse said. "I might be old enough to be on my own, but you and the little ones could end up in foster care."

"Crap, I didn't think about that," Sam said, his eyes widening.

Jesse nodded grimly. "We need to get this place in order before Mom gets back. Then we need to have a serious talk with the twins about their behavior."

"What about Mom?" Sam asked. "She's the root of the problem. She needs to step up and actually parent."

Jesse sighed heavily. "I know. But getting her to change... that's easier said than done. For now, we just need to focus on damage control." He stood up and started pacing the living room, his mind racing. "Okay, here's the plan. Sam, can you keep an eye on Brian and Lissa for a bit? I'm going to go talk to the twins, then we'll tag team cleaning the rest of the house."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Thanks," Jesse said gratefully. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation ahead, then he started upstairs.

Jesse spent the next thirty minutes lecturing the twins in his best adult voice. He really laid into them and elaborated heavily on the negative consequences of their actions. He wanted to have an effect on them, damnit, but at the end of it, he wasn’t convinced he’d done any good. Allison looked a bit worried, but mostly tired. She was struggling to keep her eyes open. Tyler, on the other hand, just looked bored.

Jesse sighed and lowered his voice to a more reasonable tone. “Do you guys want grilled cheese sandwiches? I made a couple extra when we ate lunch earlier.”

Allison silently shook her head, but Tyler made a face.

“Eww gross. Cold, leftover grilled cheese?”

Jesse put his hands on his hips. “Would you rather wait for a hot dinner, my lord?”

“Yes,” Tyler said simply. “I’m not eating old sandwiches, so…”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Alright then. You can take naps. Both of you.”

Allison curled up immediately and rested her head on the pillow. It was her bed, so she could do that. Tyler continued to make faces.

“C’mon Tyler,” Jesse said, sighing wearily. “Let’s get you to your own bed.”

Tyler was far from willing, but he hopped off Allison’s bed and shuffled grumpily over to his own. Jesse waited until he laid down, then he hit the lights and dimmed the room.

“You don’t have to sleep, but this is going to be a quiet time,” Jesse said, looking specifically at Tyler. “Maybe use this opportunity to think about your behavior at your friend’s house because I want a completely different experience here this week. Do you understand me, Tyler?”

Tyler grumbled an incoherent response. Jesse was already getting tired of his attitude, so he let it slide.

“Allison?”

“Yeah…” she said weakly, her voice muffled by her unicorn pillow.

“Okay.” Jesse nodded, then backed quietly out of the room. “I’ll wake you in a couple hours for dinner. Sleep tight, guys.”

As he started downstairs, Jesse was thinking about getting the babies ready for a nap, as well, so he and Sam could clean up their room at least. But when he got to the bottom of the stairs, he saw that Sam was way ahead of him. Brian was face down on the couch with a throw blanket tossed over him and Lissa was just settling down in her jumper. She had her pacifier and was sucking it madly as her eyelids drooped lower and lower.

“Their room is trashed, so I figured they could nap down here while we get everything straightened up,” Sam said from the armchair. He’d been texting, but he put his phone away and stood. “C’mon. We’ve probably got an hour before the twins are up.”

“I don’t know, Allie looked awfully tired,” Jesse said as they started back upstairs. “Kinda makes me wonder…”

“I’ll bet Tyler is egging her on,” Sam commented. “He’s usually the instigator in these scenarios. Allison is a little troublemaker, too, but she’s usually smart enough not to upset the adults.”

“Yeah. But Tyler doesn’t care who he pisses off,” Jesse agreed. “He just wants all the attention he can possibly get, whether or not it’s positive.”

“He’s going to be a handful when he gets older,” Sam said, smirking. “But hopefully, I’ll be long gone by that point. Living my own life. Mom can find someone else to babysit.”

The brother’s fell quiet as they reached their bedroom. As usual, the room was total destruction. Blankets, dirty clothes, and Xbox games littered the floor. Plates, empty pop cans, and various fast-food wrappers were stacked up on the dresser. Their stash of weed was out in the open, resting on the desk in its little shoebox.

“Why don’t you get started in here,” Sam said after a moment. “I’ll do the nursery, then do a quick clean up in the bathroom.”

“Pfft. Why? Because this room is by far the messiest?” Jesse asked sarcastically.

“Basically,” Sam said, laughing, then he bounced out of the room.

“I expect that toilet to be clean enough to eat off of when you’re done!” Jesse called after him. “You offered to do the bathroom, so do it right!”

Jesse heard Sam snicker in response. Sighing in resignation, he turned back to the room to take another wide, sweeping look at the mess surrounding him. Quickly, he made up a game plan for himself, then he put it into action.

First, he collected the trash and dirty plates and took everything down to the kitchen. Once he’d disposed of the trash, he stacked the plates in the sink, plugged the drain, and filled it with hot, soapy water so the dishes could soak.

Next, he grabbed a laundry basket and gathered the clothes piled up on the floor for washing. Then he made the beds, hid the weed in the closet, straightened up the desk, and put Sam’s Xbox games away.

It had been just over an hour when Jesse finished up. He was proud of himself and he paused and took a moment to appreciate his hard work. The room hadn’t looked this nice in…well, ever.

Jesse found Sam in the bathroom a couple minutes later. The teen was crouched over the toilet, scrubbing the inside of the basin with a horrible grimace on his face, just the way Jesse had imagined he’d be. Quickly, Jesse covered his mouth with a hand so Sam wouldn’t hear him laughing. He was suddenly extremely glad Sam hadn’t wanted to clean their room. Sam’s expression right now was totally priceless.

Suddenly, Sam looked up and caught Jesse in the doorway. He glared at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” Jesse forced himself to act normal. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m going downstairs to start dinner.”

“Did you finish already?” Sam asked and he looked more than a little peeved.

Jesse shrugged. “I mean, I’ve got more dishes to wash and laundry to do, so no. Not really.”

“Me either,” Sam said, scowling, then he bent his head back to the task at hand. The dirty toilet.

“Just keep your ears open,” Jesse told him. “I think Allison’s asleep, but I’m pretty sure Tyler isn’t.”

Sam nodded grouchily, clearly unhappy with his self-appointed task. Smirking, Jesse left him to it.

Back downstairs, Jesse started another load of laundry, then took down a big pot in the kitchen, filled it with water, and got it situated on the stove. He’d decided he was going to make spaghetti and garlic bread. While the water reached boiling point, he made quick work of the dishes.

40 minutes later, Jesse was just finishing dinner and he was going around, tidying up his cooking supplies and setting the table. Sam had finished scrubbing the toilet awhile ago now and he was entertaining the babies in the living room. Brian and Lissa had woken up at some point, but oddly enough, neither of the twins had made an appearance yet.

“Sam!” Jesse called into the other room as he made the final touches to the table. “Dinner’s ready!”

In just seconds, Sam came into the room with Lissa on his hip, Brian following close behind. They were obviously hungry again and Jesse automatically turned to help Brian into his seat while Sam put Lissa in her high chair.

“Where are the twins?” Jesse asked as Sam started helping himself. With a fork, he scooped a large amount of spaghetti out of the serving bowl and plopped it on his plate.

“I don’t know. I guess they’re still sleeping.”

Jesse gave Sam a pointed look, glaring a little when the teen ignored him at first and took a couple quick bites of his pasta. Finally, he loudly cleared his throat.

“Wha?” Sam asked around a big mouthful of spaghetti.

“Well, I was going to ask you to go up to get them, but since you’ve already started stuffing your face,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. “Can you get the babies some pasta at least?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” Sam said, and to his credit, he did stop eating and got to work portioning out plates for the youngest two members of the family.

“Don’t forget to cut up the noodles,” Jesse reminded his brother, then bent to press a kiss to the crown of Brian’s head and turned to slip out of the room.

Upstairs, Jesse let himself into the twin’s room. It was dark and quiet, and Allison was still sleeping peacefully, but Tyler sat cross-legged in the middle of his bed, brooding in silence.

Jesse blinked at the boy in surprise. “Uh…Tyler? Are you alright?”

Tyler shrugged moodily.

Jesse sat beside the boy and turned to look at him. “What’s on your mind, kid? Something’s obviously bothering you.”

“We’re going to move again, aren’t we?” Tyler said at last, and Jesse sighed. Even the twins, as horrible as they were at times, had sensed the change in Monica. They knew the drill just as well as the rest of them. A new boyfriend meant a new life.

“I don’t know, Tyler. But it’s always a possibility,” Jesse said gently. “You know how mom is.”

Tyler shrugged again and looked away gloomily. “I hate moving.”

“None of us like it,” Jesse said sympathetically. “It’s hard, changing schools, making new friends, getting new teachers…”

Tyler let out a yell of frustration. “But I don’t want to do all that stuff again!”

“I’m just being honest with you, Tyler,” Jesse said as calmly as he could. “There’s not a lot I can do. If mom decides to pack up again and move, that’s the end of it. She won’t listen to any of us.”

“And you won’t even try talking to her, because what do you care?” Tyler muttered, pulling another ugly face.

Jesse peered at the boy in confusion. “What?”

“You’re getting ready to leave us,” Tyler said snottily. “I’ve heard you talking about it. You’re going to take Brian with you and screw all the rest of us.”

“Tyler…” Jesse started carefully. “You aren’t my kid. I can’t just…take you with me.”

“You wouldn’t take us even if you could!” Tyler said angrily, then he pushed himself off the bed and stomped to the door. “Like I said,” he spat over his shoulder, grabbing the doorknob, “You freaking hate us!”

“Tyler…where are you going?” Jesse asked. Tyler’s burst of anger had finally awoken Allison and she sat up dazedly as Tyler yanked the door open.

“Downstairs,” Tyler said. “Because there isn’t anything else to do up here.”

“Well, all that’s down there is dinner,” Jesse said with an awkward laugh. “But when you’re done, I was hoping you and your sister could clean up your room a little. Sam and I have been working on cleaning most of the day. I’d really appreciate the help.”

Tyler shrugged then pushed his way out of the room. The moment he was gone, Jesse sighed and buried his face in his hands. He had a feeling this was going to be another long, stressful week.

“Jesse?” Allison asked in a little voice and Jesse jerked upright, blinking back tears.

“Yeah, honey, what’s up?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh.” Quickly, Jesse wiped his eyes. “Well, there’s spaghetti and garlic bread down in the kitchen. You’d better grab a plate before Sam has second helpings.”

Allison rolled out of bed and scurried out of the room. In her absence, Jesse sat for a few minutes on Tyler’s little bed. He said a silent prayer, something he rarely did, just asking for something to happen, for something to change so he didn’t feel so utterly hopeless anymore…

Then he stood up and took himself back downstairs. He wasn’t in the mood to eat, but he was going to force himself to have a little of everything so he wouldn’t get hungry later that night.

After dinner, Jesse automatically started cleaning up. All of the laundry had been washed, the last load was drying now, so he knew he had a solid hour and a half of folding and putting away clothes to do after the kitchen was done. Brian and Lissa were playing in the living room and Sam was upstairs with the twins, assisting them in cleaning their room. Everything was calm and Jesse worked methodically, keeping his mind off Shaun and Kyle and all his other problems.

Soon, the house was clean and the clothes were put away. Jesse and Sam gave the kids baths, two at a time, then got them dressed for bed. It wasn’t even 9 when they were done though, much too early for a summer evening, so Jesse got everyone some snacks while Sam picked a movie on TV.

Tyler had been pretty quiet since their conversation before dinner, but when the movie came on, he started making little complaints about Brian and Allison, who sat on either side of him. The three kids were on the couch, Lissa and Jesse were on the floor by the coffee table, and Sam was in the armchair by the window, texting.

Jesse turned around the third time he heard Tyler’s voice. The first time, Tyler had complained that Brian was poking him, on purpose, and he’d yelled at the toddler to stop. The second time, he’d whined about Allison breathing on him too much and then he’d acted incredibly offended when she’d refused to apologize. This time though…

“Both of you are too close!” Tyler swung his elbows, slamming into Allison, then Brian in an attempt to make more space. “Move over!”

“Oww!” Brian yelled, rubbing his arm in pain.

“I wasn’t even touching you!” Allison complained.

“Yes, you were,” Tyler spat. “You were blowing your stinky poop breath all in my face!”

Frowning, Allison shoved Tyler hard, knocking him into Brian again. While the little blond boy tumbled harmlessly to the floor, Tyler shoved Allison back and the two of them started a hissy cat fight.

Jesse got up with a sigh. “C’mon, guys. Break it up. You know hitting is off limits…”

“Switch places with me!” Tyler cried, ignoring Jesse completely. His face was red and pinched as he smacked Allison repeatedly, hitting her in the arms and chest with little effect. “This isn’t fair! I don’t want to be in the middle anymore!”

“And I don’t want to sit with you anymore!” Allison shouted back, batting Tyler’s hands away with well-placed hits of her own. “You’re being so annoying!”

“No, I’m not!” Tyler screeched at the top of his lungs, but then, suddenly, his expression cracked. His whole face crumpled and big, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m not the annoying one, you are!” he blubbered. “Everyone hates you, Allie!”

“Oh, wow,” Sam murmured from the armchair. He’d finally put his phone down and was watching the scene play out with grave concern.

Allison was pissed, but as Tyler continued to lash out and sob erratically, her expression began to turn into fear. Jesse, in a bit of a panic himself, tried to restrain the boy. He grabbed Tyler around the bicep, but the five-year-old was surprisingly fast. He whirled around lightning-quick and knocked Jesse away with a sharp slap to the face.

“Get off me, Jesse! Just leave me alone!!!”

“Shit!” Sam stood up; his eyes wide with surprise. “Did he just hit you?!”

Jesse rubbed his cheek, glaring at Tyler who had finally stopped swinging his fists. He was still crying though, and he looked guilty as hell. “Yeah,” Jesse said stiffly. “But I’m alright.”

Sam stepped closer and stopped just in front of Tyler, leveling the boy with a very serious look. “Come with me, kid. We’re going to sit in the kitchen until you cool down a little.”

“But I wanna watch the movie!” Tyler sobbed.

“Later,” Sam said firmly. “Now, let’s go.”

Tyler started to whine again, but Sam wordlessly picked him up and carried him swiftly away.

Jesse sank to the edge of the couch and buried his face in his hands. His cheek was still stinging from Tyler’s slap and he felt exhausted all of a sudden.

Then, Brian climbed back up on the couch and cuddled into Jesse’s side. “Are you ok, Jesse?”

“I’m fine,” Jesse said again, sighing. “Just tired.”

“Tyler has been really annoying lately,” Allison said, her face sympathetic. “Sorry he did that, Jess.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Jesse repeated, feeling like a broken record. “Do you guys want to finish the movie or what? We should really start thinking about bedtime soon…”

“Could you rewind it a little,” Allison begged.

“We missed the funniest part,” Brian chimed in.

“Oh, okay,” Jesse said, grabbing the remote off the coffee table. “But when this is over, it’s bedtime.”

The kids cheered as Jesse reversed the movie by 10 minutes. In the kitchen, Jesse could hear Tyler continuing to sob like a baby while Sam’s calm voice consoled him. He wanted to check on Tyler. Something was seriously off about him. But he didn’t want to leave the kids. Both Allison and Brian seemed in better spirits now that Tyler had been removed. Even little Lissa was trying to pull up on the coffee table.

Sam and Tyler returned during the last couple minutes of the movie. Sam directed Tyler to sit in the armchair, then he perched on the arm beside him and casually checked his phone for messages.

Tyler looked very, very unhappy, and Jesse just knew he was going to do something else. He watched him like a hawk as the movie ended and the credits began to roll.

It was finally bedtime.

“I’ll take the kids to bed if you clean up the snacks,” Sam said to Jesse as Allison and Brian talked cheerfully about the movie they’d just watched. Tyler was obviously being left out of the conversation and he looked incredibly glum about it.

“Yeah, okay,” Jesse said distractedly, but he was already collecting the kids’ empty bowls and cups. “I’ll be up to help in a minute.”

Nodding, Sam plucked Lissa off the floor, then began shepherding the children upstairs.

Jesse stacked the dirty dishes in his arms then took everything back into the kitchen. He was in the middle of washing them, trying to move as quickly as he could, when he heard a loud crash upstairs. Sighing, he shut off the water and left the dishes behind. Trudging up the steps, Jesse was already dreading what awaited him.

Sure enough, when he reached the twins' room, chaos reigned. Tyler was in full meltdown mode, yet again. He had thrown all his bedding onto the floor and was now jumping up and down on his bare mattress, his face red and tear-streaked.

"I’m not going to bed!" he shrieked, his voice reaching a pitch that made Jesse wince. "You can't make me!"

Sam stood helplessly in the doorway, looking overwhelmed. Allison was huddled in the corner of her bed, hands over her ears, while Brian peeked around Sam's legs with wide eyes. Even baby Lissa, tucked into Sam's arms, was whimpering at the commotion.

Jesse took a deep breath. Sam obviously had his hands full with the other kids. Jesse, though reluctant, figured he’d take a stab at wrangling the beast. "Tyler, that's enough," he said firmly, approaching the bed. "It's time to settle down and go to sleep."

"No!" Tyler screamed, jumping even higher on the mattress. "I won't! You can't make me!"

"Tyler, please," Jesse begged. He didn’t know what to do. Tyler needed to be disciplined and put in his place, but Jesse was a little afraid he’d get smacked again if he tried. “Just…come down and we’ll talk.”

“I don’t want to talk!” Tyler was bouncing so high by that point, his wild hair brushed the ceiling at the top of each jump. “And I don’t have to listen to any of you, anyway,” he sneered at Jesse, at Sam. “You aren’t my parents. You can’t tell me what to do!”

Desperate to put an end to the craziness, Jesse risked another personal attack and reached out to grab Tyler mid-jump. But the boy twisted away at the last second and tumbled onto the floor in a tangle of flailing limbs.

"Don't touch me!" he shrieked, scrambling to his feet. "I hate you! I hate all of you!"

With that, Tyler bolted from the room, shoving past Sam and nearly knocking him over. Jesse stood frozen for a moment, stunned by Tyler's outburst. Then he sprang into action, racing after the boy.

"Tyler!" he called, following the sound of pounding footsteps down the stairs. "Tyler, come back!"

He reached the bottom of the stairs just in time to see Tyler yanking open the front door and darting out into the night. Jesse's heart leapt into his throat as he sprinted after him.

The cool night air hit Jesse's face as he burst out onto the front lawn. His eyes scanned the darkness frantically, searching for any sign of his little brother. A flash of movement caught his eye and he spotted Tyler's small form disappearing around the side of the house.

"Tyler, stop!" Jesse yelled, his bare feet pounding across the damp grass as he gave chase.

He rounded the corner of the house just in time to see Tyler climbing one of the trees in the backyard.

Jesse skidded to a stop at the base of the old oak tree, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Tyler had scrambled up into the higher branches with surprising speed and agility for a five-year-old. Now he clung to a thick limb about fifteen feet off the ground, his small body barely visible among the dense summer foliage.

"Tyler," Jesse called up, trying to keep his voice calm and steady despite his racing heart. "Tyler, please come down. It's not safe up there."

"No!" Tyler's voice was shrill and defiant. "I'm never coming down! I'm going to live in this tree forever!"

Jesse sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. The rough bark of the tree trunk scraped against his back as he leaned against it, tilting his head up to peer into the leafy canopy above. He squinted up into the darkened branches, trying to make out Tyler's small form among the leaves. The night was warm and humid, cicadas buzzing loudly in the surrounding trees. A gentle breeze rustled through the oak's canopy, causing shadows to shift and dance across the moonlit lawn.

"Tyler, please," Jesse called up softly. "I know you're upset, but we can talk about it. Just come down and we'll figure this out together."

"No!" Tyler's voice wavered slightly, betraying the tears he was trying to hide. "You don't care about me anyway. Just leave me alone!”

Jesse's heart clenched at the raw hurt in his little brother's voice. He stepped closer to the tree trunk, placing a hand on the rough bark. "That's not true, Tyler. I care about all of you so much. You're my family."

Tyler, however, was inconsolable. For close to an hour, Jesse stood under the tree, begging the little boy to come down. Jesse was getting close to tears himself, he was getting so frustrated.

Suddenly, headlights blazed in the driveway. Monica had finally returned. Jesse spun and ran to get help.

He sprinted around the side of the house, his bare feet slapping against the cool grass. As he rounded the corner, the van came to a stop with a shuddering groan, and Monica emerged, looking disheveled and exhausted. Her long hair was tangled and windblown, and dark circles shadowed her eyes. She wore a wrinkled sundress that had clearly seen better days, and her makeup was smudged. As she stumbled out of the car, Jesse could smell cheap alcohol and expensive perfume clinging to her clothes.

"Mom!" he called out, rushing towards her. "Thank god you're back. I need your help!"

Monica squinted at him in the dim light, her eyes bloodshot and unfocused. "What?" she snapped irritably. "I just got home. Can't I have five minutes of peace?"

"Mom, please," Jesse pleaded. "Tyler's up in a tree and he won't come down. I've been trying for an hour."

Monica sighed dramatically. "That little brat," she muttered. "Always causing trouble."

As they rounded the corner to the backyard, Monica stumbled slightly, her high heels sinking into the soft grass. The smell of alcohol on her breath was even stronger now and Jesse noticed a fresh hickey on her neck peeking out from under her tangled hair. She was a fucking mess.

"Tyler!" Monica bellowed, craning her neck to peer up into the darkened branches. "You get your butt down here right now young man!" Her words slurred together slightly, betraying her intoxicated state. Jesse winced at her harsh tone, worried it would only make Tyler more upset.

"I won't!" Tyler's small voice called back defiantly from somewhere high up in the leafy canopy.

Monica's eyes flashed with anger, her patience already worn thin from the long drive and copious amounts of alcohol. She stalked closer to the tree. "Tyler Christopher!" she bellowed, her voice echoing through the still night air. "You get your little butt down here right this instant or so help me God!"

The branches above rustled slightly, but Tyler remained stubbornly silent. Monica's face contorted with rage, her cheeks flushing a deep crimson that was visible even in the dim moonlight.

"I swear to Christ, child, if you don't come down right now, I’ll climb up there and drag you down myself!" she screamed, then waited a beat for something to change, for Tyler to come down, but nothing happened. Tyler remained silent. Monica cracked. "That's it! I've had it with your attitude, mister! You think you can just do whatever you want? Well, I've got news for you - I'm the parent here and what I say goes!"

She kicked her high heels off furiously, then grabbed onto a low-hanging branch, her manicured nails digging into the rough bark as she tried to hoist herself up.

"Mom, stop!" Jesse cried, reaching out to grab her arm. "You're too drunk. You'll hurt yourself!"

Monica shook him off violently. "Don't tell me what to do!" she snarled, her eyes wild and unfocused. "I'm going to show this little brat who's boss!"

She managed to pull herself up onto the first branch, swaying dangerously as she tried to find her footing. The leaves rustled ominously above them as Tyler scrambled higher into the canopy.

"You think you can hide from me?" Monica screamed up into the darkness. "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it!"

Jesse watched in horror as Monica clumsily climbed higher into the oak tree, leaves and twigs snagging on her dress and hair. Her movements were erratic and uncoordinated in her drunken state.

"Mom, please come down!" Jesse called. "This is dangerous!"

But Monica paid him no heed. She pulled herself up branch by branch, her face twisted in determination and rage. The old tree creaked ominously under her weight.

"I see you up there, you little brat!" Monica snarled as she spotted Tyler huddled against the trunk near the top. "You can't hide from me!"

Tyler whimpered and tried to climb higher, but he had run out of sturdy branches. Monica lunged upward and managed to grab his ankle.

"Got you!" she crowed triumphantly.

Tyler cried out as Monica's hand clamped around his ankle. He kicked and thrashed, trying to break free, but her grip was like iron. "No! Let me go!" he wailed, clinging desperately to the tree trunk.

"I've got you now, you little monster," Monica snarled, yanking hard on Tyler's leg.

The sudden movement caused her to lose her already precarious balance. She teetered dangerously, her eyes widening in sudden fear as she felt herself start to fall backwards. In desperation, she grabbed Tyler and pulled him against her chest as she tumbled out of the tree.

Jesse watched in horror as his mother and little brother plummeted through the branches. Leaves and twigs showered down around them as they crashed through the canopy. Monica hit the ground first with a sickening thud, Tyler landing on top of her a split second later.

The two of them laid still for a moment and Jesse moved closer to assess the damage. “Mom?”

Suddenly, Monica sat up with a groan. Tyler moved, too, but Monica was quicker. She grabbed him around the waist and pulled him into her lap where she began to beat his ass red with her hand.

Tyler howled at the pain and the indignity of it all. He began to thrash around, kicking his legs and arms in protest, but Monica was stronger, and she continued to wail into him with authority.

“I can’t believe you made me climb up there to get you! You little brat!” Monica yelled. “You should be in bed right now, not up a damned tree!”

“Oww! Mom!” Tyler cried. “Stop!”

“When we get in that house you’d better go straight upstairs and to bed!” Monica yelled back, and finally, she quit spanking Tyler. “I don’t want to hear another peep out of you tonight or I’ll do something even worse than a spanking.”

Sniffling, Tyler lifted himself off Monica’s lap and scooted away so he sat in the grass. Slowly, he nodded.

“Good,” Monica said, then she stood up and brushed her hair out of her face. “Inside. Now.”

Tyler jumped up and hurried back to the house. Monica grabbed her shoes then stumbled after him. Jesse followed the pair at a slower pace.

When they got close, the front door opened and Sam stepped out to watch their approach.

“You finally got him down,” he commented as Tyler dashed past him and inside. “Nice job, mom.”

“I don’t even think Jesse tried,” Monica bitched. “It took me less than five minutes.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, but he kept his mouth shut as he came into the house behind his mother. She’d stopped right in the entryway and he had to step around her awkwardly.

Monica was glaring at the children. Tyler was gone. He was probably upstairs, hiding under the covers by now. But Brian and Allison were sitting on either end of the couch, some random cartoon playing on the TV in front of them.

“Is everyone still up?” Monica asked, scowling. “It’s fucking midnight!”

“Uh well… Lissa’s asleep,” Sam said as he stepped back into the house and shut the door. “The others though, they were really upset after Tyler’s meltdown so—”

“This is ridiculous!” Monica yelled. “Everyone needs to get in bed now!”

Sam raised his eyebrows at Jesse, making a silent comment on Monica’s appearance and even worse, her mood, but he silently collected the kids and took them upstairs.

“Mom, I—” Jesse started but Monica whirled around and cut him off.

“Don’t start with me, Jesse,” she snapped. “I just drove four hours straight to get back to you ungrateful little shits. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“And drunk, too,” Jesse sneered, but really, he was incredibly hurt by his mother’s dismissiveness. “How’d you manage that? Don’t tell me you started drinking and driving. That’d be really irresponsible after what I just went through,” he said, holding up his casted arm.

“Shut up, Jesse,” Monica said, glaring at him spitefully. “I said I didn’t want to hear it from you tonight. I’m sick and tired of my own son thinking he can lecture me about what I’m doing in my life!”

“Then maybe you should stop fucking up all the time and making me the one responsible!” Jesse spat at her, then he turned and fled for the stairs. He’d wanted to tell her about that lady earlier and her threats to call CPS. He’d wanted to tell her about Tyler and his overwhelming fears, about Brian, about Sam. Hell, maybe he’d just wanted to tell her about Shaun and all the weird shit happening with Kyle. But he couldn’t. Monica probably didn’t even care, at any rate.

Jesse was in tears when he reached his bedroom. It was empty, and he went straight to the beds and climbed up to his bunk.

He was lying face down, crying into his pillow, when Sam came in.

“I heard yelling. What happened down there?” Sam asked in a soft voice.

Jesse sat up and wiped his eyes. “Mom said she didn’t want to hear a lecture from me, but I wasn’t even trying to. I just wanted some advice on what to fucking do about everything!”

“Fucking bitch…” Sam shook his head in disapproval. “Where’s the weed? It sounds like you need some. To relax.”

Jesse pointed at the closet.

Sam strode across the room and opened the closet. It was still kind of messy, but the door hid the worst of it. Sam plucked the shoebox off the top shelf, then brought it to his bed. “Come down here,” he called. “We can open the window so mom doesn’t smell anything.”

Jesse grabbed his blanket and climbed back down. He found a comfy spot on the end of Sam’s mattress then watched as he forced the window open just over the bed. “That’s a pretty smart idea,” he said. All the times he’d smoked up here and he hadn’t once thought to open the damned window. He’d never cared.

“Kyle thought of it,” Sam said. “We’ve been up here a couple times, smoking. Trying to keep it on the down low.”

“Right. I should have known.” Jesse rolled his eyes. Kyle was having such a great effect on his impressionable little brother.

Smirking, Sam made quick work of rolling them a blunt. He paused to light up, then blew a thick column of smoke out the window. “So, how was your weekend with Kyle anyway?”

Jesse gestured for the blunt and greedily took a hit when Sam passed it over. He thought about what to say as smoke swirled around him.

“You’re supposed to push it out the window, you know,” Sam pointed out lazily, referring to the cloud gathered around Jesse.

“Oh. Yeah.” Jesse waved his hands frantically to get the smoke out the window. He took another hit, then pushed it determinedly outside, already feeling the warm, calming effects of the weed taking over his body.

“So, the long pause seems kinda ominous,” Sam said with a nervous laugh.” What happened this weekend?”

Jesse shrugged. “A lot of shit. I don’t know where to start, honestly.”

“Maybe you should start at the beginning.”

“Well…” Jesse took a deep breath then launched into the short-version of the past two days. “Shaun showed up Friday. Not to get back with me or anything, though, just to beat up Kyle.”

“What?” Sam covered his mouth to stifle his amusement.

“Yeah. It was hilarious watching Kyle get his ribs smashed in,” Jesse said, frowning. “Shaun was a real hoot.”

Sam let out another burst of nervous laughter. “Um… why did he do that?”

Jesse decided not to elaborate. “Probably because he’s jealous.”

“Well, that’s promising,” Sam said, then he reached for the blunt and paused to get a hit. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To make him want you.”

“Yeah.” There was no use beating around the bush, Jesse did want Shaun to want him. He missed being desired. “Kyle basically thought the same thing. So, he came up with this crazy idea to force Shaun’s hand,” he said and Sam perked up with interest. “It involves you and Brian and requires us all to attend Shaun’s next show.”

“You mean, you’d actually take us to one?” Sam’s eyes got wide with excitement. “This is awesome! I’ve been dying to see Shaun have a meltdown on stage!”

“He’s not going to have a meltdown…” Jesse frowned, then waved his hand and changed the subject. “Listen, Kyle will probably tell you all about it tomorrow. And about some party he’s having Friday—”

“A party? Are we invited?”

“Yes,” Jesse huffed. “But that’s—”

“I love Kyle’s parties,” Sam mused, taking another puff off the blunt with a dreamy smile on his face. “They’re always doing these weird fucked up drugs and having crazy sex with each other. Even if you aren’t participating, it’s fun to watch!”

“Listen to me!” Jesse snapped and finally, Sam zipped his lips. “I had a really weird experience last night. At Kyle’s.”

Sam furrowed his brow. “You did?”

“Yeah. He invited his brother over. Ethan?”

“He’s cool, right?” Sam grinned. “No offense, but I kinda wish he was our older brother.”

“That guy’s a criminal,” Jesse sneered. “He’s a bad influence and he’s going to lead Kyle right into the same kind of lifestyle. Why would you want that?”

Sam shrugged, but his smile refused to go away. “I don’t know. It seems kind of exciting, in a weird way. Being a drug runner.”

“They’re both going to end up in jail one day,” Jesse said flatly. “Either that or they’ll get shot in some random drug bust or die horribly in a gang fight. Do you want that for yourself? Really?”

“No.” Sam guiltily handed Jesse the weed again. “I guess I wasn’t thinking realistically…”

Jesse took another draw off the blunt, but he really wanted to make a point. “I get it. I thought Ethan was cool at first too, but… I have this really bad feeling about the business he and Kyle are involved with. I think we should keep our distance. I think we should skip the party. Maybe you should stop seeing Kyle all the time, too.”

Sam glared at him. “And I think you’re a dick, how’s that?”

Jesse huffed. “I’m being serious right now,” he said, trying to stay calm and not react. “Try to forget for a minute that Kyle’s your best friend and listen to reason.”

“You’re the one who needs to listen to reason,” Sam bitched. “Kyle’s a nice guy. So what if he sells drugs—”

“They’re selling really bad ones, Sam. Drugs that kill people. They had a story about it on the TV last night when we were drinking and Ethan got really upset. The police are looking for them. Right now.”

Sam snatched the weed back, then looked out the window as he took a drag. When he let the smoke out, he sighed heavily. “Can’t you just let me enjoy myself for a couple more weeks? Kyle’s leaving once school starts. Then we’ll never see him again.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said?” Jesse gaped at his brother. “People are dying because they’re buying Ethan’s drugs. And Kyle is profiting from it. I literally watched him pocket close to 2 grand Saturday night. All thanks to cool guy Ethan and his strung-out, addicted customers!”

Sam rolled his eyes then flicked the last of the blunt out the window. “I’m going to bed, Jesse. I don’t want to fight about this anymore. I’m going out with Kyle tomorrow and nothing you say is going to change my mind.”

Jesse frowned and crossed his arms as Sam tossed the weed supplies back in the shoebox, then set it in the floor and pushed it moodily toward the closet. It didn’t even make it halfway.

“Can you get off my bed now?” Sam asked coldly and Jesse got up with a huff. “Thanks,” Sam said, then he laid down and turned to face the wall.

Shaking his head, Jesse went to put the weed back in the closet, then shut the lights off and changed into a loose t-shirt and a pair of sleep pants. He started to climb up to his bed again, then stopped and went back to Sam’s bed to get his blanket.

Jesse curled up in bed and stared blankly at the far wall. He laid incredibly still, listening to the sounds of the house, to Sam breathing. After some time though, tears started to roll down his cheeks.

Jesse cried for a long time, letting his mind shift from one problem to the next. He couldn’t help thinking that things would surely improve, that everything would be so much better if Shaun would just come back… It haunted his every thought, and he couldn’t stop his dumb little heart from longing desperately for the other boy. He missed Shaun so fucking much. He missed everything about him…

Eventually, long after Sam started snoring and the house had gone quiet, Jesse fell asleep.

The next morning, Jesse was rudely awakened when Sam burst suddenly into the room.

“Jess? Where are my black shoes at?” he asked, poking around under the desk and then his bed. “Fuck! Kyle’s here and I can’t find them!”

“In the closet,” Jesse muttered sleepily, sitting up to watch as Sam strode across the room and threw open the closet door.

“Shit, there they are.” He crouched down and plucked his tennis shoes from the pile, then hurried back to his bed and sat to pull them on.

“Where are the kids?” Jesse asked, rubbing the crust out of his eyes. They felt a little swollen, from all the crying he’d done the night before. “What time is it anyway?”

“Almost 11. I let you sleep in,” Sam said as he finished with his shoes and jumped up. “Mom’s still sleeping, too. Both of you are seriously slacking this morning.”

Jesse huffed. “Understatement of the century.”

Laughing, Sam paused in front of the mirror to style his hair. “The kids are just finishing a late breakfast. I didn’t feel like cooking, so I made cereal and poptarts.”

“Great,” Jesse groaned. “They’re all loaded up on sugar and ready to start the day.”

“Take them outside and let ‘em run it off for a couple hours,” Sam suggested. “That’s what I’d do.”

Jesse shrugged. He wasn’t looking forward to doing this on his own today. He’d just woken up, but honestly, he felt like curling up and going right back to sleep.

“Okay. I’m heading out,” Sam said cheerfully. He turned from the mirror and smiled up at Jesse. “I’ll be back tonight or maybe tomorrow morning if things get crazy and Kyle can’t drive.”

Jesse frowned. “Try not to let things get too crazy, alright?”

Sam flashed his teeth, then turned and ducked out of the room.

Once alone, Jesse rubbed his face a few times, trying to motivate himself to wake up and get out of bed. He was thinking about brewing a pot of coffee to help him get started when loud yelling came from downstairs.

It sounded like Tyler and without even thinking about it, Jesse leapt out of bed and sprang into action.

Down in the kitchen, Tyler was screaming because Brian had eaten the last chocolate chip poptart. He’d thrown a pair of strawberry toaster pastries in his anger and there were crumbs and jelly all over the floor. Jesse spent twenty minutes calming him down. Losing the chocolate poptart was the end of the world and Tyler wouldn’t stop crying until Jesse offered to make him a big chocolate milkshake. Allison and Brian wanted milkshakes too, of course, so Jesse spent another fifteen minutes making three.

He was on his hands and knees scrubbing up the mess Tyler had left on the floor, the children contentedly sipping their milkshakes at the table, when Monica shambled into the room.

“What was all that yelling about?” she complained, her hand on her hip.

Jesse didn’t even look at her. “Nothing,” he murmured, scrubbing the floor with a bit more force than was necessary. “I’m handling it.”

Monica nodded. “Thanks Jesse.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Monica glanced at the kids, quietly drinking their shakes. Even Lissa had a little one in her sippy cup. For the moment, everything was calm. “Are you okay if I take a shower? I’ve got to leave for work soon.”

“Yep,” Jesse said shortly. “We’ll be fine.”

Monica gave the kids one last look then backed out of the room. Jesse heard her take the stairs.

After cleaning up, Jesse took the kids outside as Sam had suggested. He got some balls out of the garage and told the kids to kick them around. He didn’t care what game they decided to play. He and Lissa got comfortable in the shade and sat back to watch.

Within the next two hours, Tyler had three more meltdowns. The first was because Allison kicked a ball straight at his face. He cried and whined about that for a while. Then, he started complaining about the sun being in his eyes and ruining his aim. Jesse eventually had to get up and wrap Tyler in a big hug when the boy started ranting about the flowers and the trees being ugly and the grass too green. Once Jesse had him, he broke down in tears and cried bitterly about hating the entire world and everything in it.

Tyler sat with Jesse and Lissa for a while after that, pouting. It was obvious he was experiencing some kind of childhood depression and Jesse was concerned, but at the same time, totally overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to do.

Soon, Tyler got tired of sitting on the sidelines and he jumped back into the action. Jesse was nervous for him, but he wasn’t about to start an argument. He just watched, patiently.

Sure enough, it didn’t take long for Tyler to lose his temper once more. When Brian stole the ball from him and kicked it to Allison instead, Tyler threw his hands up in the air and started screaming.

“Nobody ever wants to play the games I want to play!” he raged, stomping his foot in the grass. “I thought it was my turn! That’s my ball, Brian!”

“We’re just trying to have fun, Tyler,” Brian said in his bravest little voice. “And it’s not your ball, it’s our ball.”

His face rapidly filling with color, Tyler stepped up and pushed Brian hard in the chest, sending the toddler stumbling backward.

“Hey.” Jesse stood up and started walking towards the children. He had a feeling something bad was going to happen. “That’s enough outside time for today. Let’s go inside and find something—”

Suddenly, Brian dropped the ball and threw himself at Tyler. The boys fell to the ground and started wrestling in the grass. Jesse broke into a run.

Surprisingly, it was Brian who was putting up most of the fight. Jesse had to use all his strength to pull his son off his little brother, and even then, when Jesse had Brian by the back of his shirt, the toddler’s fists were still swinging.

“You’re so mean, Tyler! I hate you! I hate you!”

Tyler laid on the ground with a bloody nose and tears in his eyes. He covered his face and loudly started to wail.

“Okay. Okay! Cut it out, Brian,” Jesse said, smoothing a hand over Brian’s super-soft short hair. “You got him, alright? Look he’s bleeding and crying like a baby…”

Slowly, Brian stopped struggling. He stared down at Tyler, wailing in pain in the grass, and finally, he looked back at Jesse and nodded. “You can let go now.”

Jesse let him go with a sigh. “C’mon guys, the fun’s over for now, I’m afraid.” He turned and scooped Tyler off the ground. “Let’s head inside.”

Jesse had to stop to grab Lissa as well, but then the five of them were going back inside.

Back in the living room, Jesse turned on the TV for the kids, then set Lissa on the floor and Tyler on the couch. “I’ve got to get a wet towel. Everyone, just sit tight.”

Jesse got a cloth and an ice pack from the kitchen, then returned to tend to his little brother. Tyler was absolutely miserable and again, Jesse felt deeply overwhelmed and underequipped. He’d never dealt with this kind of sadness before.

Jesse was holding the ice to Tyler’s busted nose when Monica came down again. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of the boys on the couch. “The fuck happened now?”

“The boys had a fight,” Jesse said. “Nothing serious.”

“Oh okay.” Monica had finally cleaned up from last night. Her hair was neat, her makeup in place, and she wore scrubs in a flattering pink. She watched Jesse and Tyler for a moment then turned and breezed into the kitchen. “I’ve gotta grab my coffee…”

Jesse frowned after his mother. Either she was blind or she was just flat out ignoring all the bad signs. “Hold this for a second,” he told Tyler, indicating the pack of ice, then he stood and followed her.

At the counter, Monica was pouring coffee into her favorite travel mug. Jesse stopped in the doorway and cleared his throat.

Monica turned with a start. “Jesse!” She placed a hand over her heart, then laughed a little, relieved. “Jesus. You scared the crap out of me!”

“Sorry,” Jesse grumbled. “I just wanted to talk for a minute. Before you go again.”

Monica turned completely and leaned back against the counter. “Hey, did I tell you to shut up last night?”

Jesse shrugged, uncomfortable under his mother’s scrutiny. “Maybe. I don’t remember.”

“Well, I’m sorry, if I did,” Monica said. “I was so so tired after the drive back from Ryan’s. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Monica was trying, but Jesse wasn’t impressed. She hadn’t even mentioned the alcohol she’d consumed, which was even more irresponsible than drinking to begin with, because she seemed to think Jesse hadn’t noticed how fucked up she’d been!

“Anyway, I just wanted to say that before I forgot,” Monica said.

Jesse crossed his arms. He nodded stiffly. “Thanks.”

Monica shifted a little, then leaned slightly to the left to check the time on the microwave. “So, what did you need to talk about? I’ve got to be on the road in five.”

Jesse hesitated. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he knew he had to pick and choose his words. Monica was in a decent mood but that could change in a heartbeat. “Something’s up with Tyler,” he said finally. “I guess he had a really hard time at his friend’s house this weekend and his moods been really erratic since he got home.”

“I can’t believe he made me climb that tree last night,” Monica snorted. “I’m lucky I didn’t break my damned neck.”

“Mom, I talked to him a little yesterday, after nap time. I think he’s depressed—”

“Depressed?” Monica snapped. “What would he possibly be depressed about?”

Jesse gave Monica a pointed look. “He thinks we’re going to move again and he’s grasping at straws. He needs someone or something to hold onto that’s stable and constant but everything is slipping away.”

“Who said we’re going to move?” Monica frowned.

“Mom, I think he needs to see a therapist. He needs to talk to someone professional,” Jesse said firmly. “I’m trying my best here, but I don’t know what I’m doing. He needs you to do something.”

Monica pursed her lips, then she turned and grabbed her travel cup. “I don’t know why you’re springing this on me right now, when I’m about to be late for work, but I’ve seriously got to go Jess.”

“Like I said, I was just trying to talk to you, before you disappear again.” Disgusted, but far from surprised, Jesse shook his head. “That’s all your good at anyway. Disappearing when we need you most…”

Monica wasn’t even listening. She brushed past Jesse and stepped into the living room where she paused to grab her purse. “We’ll talk later, Jess,” she said distractedly as she sorted through her bag, looking for her keys. “But just so you know ahead of time, Ryan and I have plans for this weekend so we’re going to have to figure out what to do with the kids before then if you want your regular time off. I’m leaving right after work Friday night and heading straight for Ryan’s place.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Jesse said, his eyes narrowing. “I’ve got absolutely nothing going on. I don’t need the night off.”

“Oh. That’s perfect then!” Monica said, beaming as she finally pulled her car keys from her bag. “I don’t have the extra money to pay Sam this weekend anyway and that blond woman who picked up the twins last weekend? She isn’t answering my texts…”

Jesse wanted to scream he was so frustrated! Monica hasn’t heard a single word of what he’d said!

“Don’t worry, things will get easier once school starts again,” Monica said, shouldering her bag, then moving purposely to the door. “Brian and Lissa will be back in daycare and the twins are starting the first grade! How fun.”

Jesse said nothing. He had absolutely no opinion on anything Monica had just said.

“Bye everyone! Hugs and kisses!” Monica called to the room in general. “I’ll be home around bedtime.”

Jesse waited for Monica to slip outside, then he stepped up to the door and locked it behind her. He stood there for a moment, blinking back tears of frustration. When he finally went back to the couch, he reclaimed his seat next to Tyler and settled the boy’s head in his lap. He took over holding the ice pack to his nose again and Tyler remained quiet, but he seemed to appreciate the gesture. He closed his eyes and relaxed into Jesse’s embrace. Feeling bad for him, Jesse used his free hand to start gently stroking his hair.

Unfortunately, Tyler continued to act out as the day went on. Over and over again, he freaked out over nothing, started arguments with both Brian and Allison, and was disrespectful and rude to everyone. It was so so much worse than his normal acting up. He wasn’t even enjoying himself. He only had two emotions right now, sad and angry.

As the hours ticked away, Jesse became more and more stressed with his duties. He was bending over backwards to care for and accommodate everyone else’s feelings and their wants and needs. Slowly, he felt himself being worn thinner and thinner until he was translucent and see-through, like a ghost. He felt like he was dead inside and he floated through lunch, dinner, snack-time, and then an hour and a half long family movie, totally numb.

Jesse was already having a hard enough time with the kids, so when it was time, he decided to skip their baths for the night. He was alone. He was tired. He was incredibly frustrated with everything and everyone. He didn’t need to spend an hour fighting to get the kids clean.

Instead, he let the twins pick out their pj’s for the night, then he set them up in their room with their tablets and some soft music playing in the background. He told them it was quiet time but made no requirements on when they had to go to sleep. Tyler was still pouting from a fight he’d had with Allison earlier during the movie, but he seemed content with his Minecraft videos. Allison was absorbed with some kitten meme. Honestly, they both looked pretty exhausted. Hoping they’d drift off to sleep before too long, Jesse dimmed the lights, then went to take care of the babies.

Lissa was simple enough. Jesse changed her diaper, put her in a warm onesie, then gave her lots of kisses and tucked her into her crib. Brian was a bit tougher. When it was finally his turn for attention, he immediately begged to sleep in Jesse’s room.

“Not tonight, buddy,” Jesse said, and he felt like an asshole denying his own flesh and blood, but he needed space. All he wanted to do right now was curl up in the fetal position and cry. He didn’t want Brian to have to witness it. He came up with a quick explanation to appease the boy. “Tyler might need me in the night. You know how weird he’s been acting. I don’t want to have to wake you if it happens.”

Brian didn’t look happy, but he nodded. “I understand.”

Jesse smiled faintly. “You’re such a big boy. I’m so proud of you, Bri. I love you, you know that right?”

Brian nodded again then he caught Jesse’s eyes. “Today, when you were making dinner, Tyler told me he hates me because you love me so much.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow. “He did?”

“Yeah. I guess I feel kind of bad for him,” Brian mused. “Mom doesn’t like any of us, but at least you pay attention to me. And Shaun does, too, when he’s here, at least. Tyler doesn’t have anybody like you guys. He isn’t special to anyone.”

Jesse leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Brian’s forehead. “Just count your lucky stars, okay?” he whispered. “You are special and I’ll always love you. No matter what. Don’t ever forget that.”

Smiling, Brian reached up and wrapped his little arms around Jesse’s neck. Jesse let him cling for a minute or two, then he kissed Brian again, on the cheek this time, then he pulled back and straightened up once more.

“See you in the morning, sweetheart,” he said.

“Night, Jesse.”

Jesse gave the boy one last smile, then he walked to the door and turned off the lights. The nightlight turned on automatically and Jesse exited the nursery, heading to his own bedroom at last.

Finally alone in his room, Jesse got the pot out of the closet and sat on Sam’s bed so he could use the window again, like last night. He opened it a crack, then broke up a large bud of weed so he could pack a bowl.

Jesse smoked for a while. He hadn’t thought it would help much, but after a few puffs, he actually felt much better than he’d anticipated. Tyler’s depression suddenly seemed kind of cute in a sad way. He was jealous of Jesse’s love for Brian and though that reflected incredibly poorly on Monica’s parenting abilities, it said a lot about Jesse’s. Tyler thought he was a good dad and obviously, so did Brian. The approval made Jesse feel warm inside, alive…less like a ghost.

Jesse’s intoxicated brain led him to thinking about Shaun next. Jesse wanted his approval, too, but he had no idea how to get it. For a while, he daydreamed about all the ways he’d used to make Shaun happy and the naughty thoughts made him blush and squirm with desire. And then, out of the blue, a loud and very demanding thought cut through all the others.

Shaun loves blood and pain… more than anything else…. Maybe he’ll take me back if I cut my wrists for him…

Jesse shivered at the idea – it scared him immensely. But now that he’d thought it, he couldn’t stop thinking about it… For more time than he was comfortable with, Jesse imagined where he’d cut himself and with what. He wondered if it would hurt badly and if he would bleed a lot. He tried his best to picture what Shaun would do to him once it was done, but all Jesse could focus on was his fear of pain and of leaving scars.

Eventually, he put the weed away and turned off the lights. There hadn’t been a peep from any of the children for over an hour now, and Jesse figured he should probably get some sleep. He paused before he went up to his bunk and checked the time on his phone.

It was twenty minutes to midnight. Obviously, Monica wasn’t coming home on time, like she’d promised, and Sam was clearly staying with Kyle, even though Jesse feared for his safety in more ways than one.

For a second, Jesse thought about texting Gretchen. He was dying to talk about his shitty day and also, he wanted to hear the latest update on his obsession, Shaun, but he stopped himself at the last minute and left his phone on the dresser to charge instead. He just didn’t want to get all deep and emotional when Gretchen was probably busy with her new live-in boyfriend. He didn’t want to be an enormous buzzkill.

So, Jesse climbed up to his bunk and covered himself with his favorite fuzzy blanket. He shut his eyes and concentrated on slowly relaxing his body. Luckily, the weed was making him sleepy and it didn’t take long for him to go limp.

When Jesse woke up the next morning, childish laughter drifted into the room from downstairs. He sat up, confused, then rolled out of bed to go investigate.

Jesse found Sam in the kitchen. He was standing at the toaster, making faces at the children while they waited for another round of waffles to finish cooking. There was a line of plates on the counter, one for each kid, and when the waffles popped up, Sam tossed them on the last plate then quickly cut them up with big, exaggerated movements that made everyone laugh.

“See guys, making waffles isn’t that hard,” Sam said to the kids. “Even a dummy like me can do it.”

“Eh. I don’t know,” Tyler said, looking critically at his plate. “Yours don’t look as good as Jesse’s usually do.”

“Why? What’s wrong with them?” Sam crossed his arms. “He does them exactly the same way I do. In the toaster!”

“Well, I don’t think you did it long enough,” Tyler said, poking one of the waffle pieces. “These are kinda…cold.”

Smiling, Jesse leaned against the doorjamb. “What’s going on?” he asked, and Sam turned and spotted him.

“Well, I guess I was trying to make breakfast without you, but I didn’t do it right according to Tyler,” Sam said, gesturing to the little beaming five-year-old beside him.

“Sam’s a crap cook,” Tyler informed Jesse, grinning.

“Hey! Don’t be a jerk,” Sam admonished the cheeky boy and Tyler laughed. Shaking his head in amusement, Sam turned to address Allison and Brian, as well. “Okay, guys. Can you take your plates to the table and get started without us? I’ve got to talk to Jesse for a minute. In private.”

“What about Lissa?” Allison asked, glancing at the baby who stood beside her, hanging onto the cabinets for balance.

“It’ll just take a minute,” Sam said. “One of us will feed her when we’re done. Just let her practice standing for now.”

Allison nodded and took one of the plates from the counter. Brian and Tyler did the same.

Sam stepped away from the children and took Jesse’s arm, pulling him into the living room. “So, Kyle and I talked yesterday…”

“Uh, yeah? So? I’d kinda assumed you’d talked,” Jesse said, gently extracting his arm from Sam’s grip. “I mean, you were over there all day yesterday.”

“Okay smartass,” Sam snorted. “I’ll be more specific. We talked about you in particular. About all that shit you mentioned yesterday about Kyle and his brother and the drugs they’re selling.”

Jesse’s eyes widened a little. “Was he upset?”

“Nope,” Sam said. “He thought it was kind of funny, actually. That you’re so freaked out.”

“What?” Jesse gaped at his brother. “Why is it funny that I’m freaked out about this?”

“Well, Kyle thinks your logic is a tad…simplistic, for one.”

“Simplistic?”

“Yeah. You think Ethan’s evil because the drugs he sells occasionally cause overdoses,” Sam said and Jesse raised his eyebrows, unable to see how he was wrong. “But it’s way more complicated than that. See, the people Ethan sells to are lifetime addicts. They’re only purpose in life is to find better, harder drugs. They would probably have overdosed on something else and much sooner, too, if Ethan hadn’t come along. He’s basically a saint.”

“A saint, huh?” Jesse curled his lip.

“Yes. He cares about his customers, Jesse,” Sam said adamantly. “Ethan’s the real deal. His products are good, really really good, but that’s also kind of a problem, too. Addicts are a special breed. You can’t tell them not to take too much or they’ll do it just to find out what happens. And then boom. Dead.”

“That’s not what they were saying on the news,” Jesse said, frowning. “They said Ethan’s drugs are ruining people’s lives.”

“C’mon, Jess. Of course they’d say that,” Sam said dismissively. “They want everybody to be sober and miserable all the time. Like they are.”

“Yeah, well, when the alternative is a crazy new drug that gives you a heart attack, I’d choose sobriety, too,” Jesse spat. “Why can’t Ethan just stick to selling weed? Weed’s never killed anyone.”

“He’s in the drug business, Jesse. The customers make demands and Ethan provides them with his supply. That’s how it works. If he doesn’t sell what they want, someone else will. In a heartbeat.”

Jesse sighed and pouted a bit because he knew Sam was right. There were plenty of hard drugs in the US. “Yeah. I guess…”

“See, I knew you’d come around,” Sam said. “I told Kyle I could get you to see sense.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Yep. I see the light now. Ethan’s a fucking angel.”

Sam snorted. “Alright. You’re exaggerating now.”

Jesse crossed his arms. “Maybe he really is a good guy. I really don’t know. But it doesn’t change the fact that hanging out with him, and by extension, Kyle, is a very bad idea. We aren’t drug addicts, Sam. We don’t need to be associated with them. We’re like…putting ourselves in danger just being around them.”

Sam gave Jesse a sour look. “You know what else Kyle told me?”

“What?”

“He said you had all these fucked up nightmares Saturday night, after you passed out,” Sam said, eyeing Jesse with apprehension. “Then you woke up Sunday morning accusing him and Ethan of rape.”

“Fucking Kyle…” Jesse cursed, looking away as his cheeks filled with an embarrassed heat. “He shouldn’t have told you that.”

Sam snorted. “It sounds like last weekend, when you thought Kyle had touched you because your butt was hurting.”

Jesse covered his face with his hands. “Shut up, Sam!”

“That’s why Shaun kicked the shit out of Kyle,” Sam continued triumphantly. “Kyle told me. You’re making shit up, aren’t you, Jesse? That little story about your butt got you a lot of attention, didn’t it?”

“I didn’t make anything up!”

“Okay, then you ‘exaggerated the truth’,” Sam corrected. “You played right into Shaun’s dark fantasies so he could come rescue you.”

“I didn’t mean for him to find out! Fuck!” Jesse shouted. “I told Gretchen in secret and somehow, Shaun got it out of her!”

“Mm-hmm, like I believe that,” Sam said, unimpressed. “You and that drummer girl are running some kind of game to make Shaun take you back. Admit it.”

“Sam, we’re not…” Slowly, Jesse shook his head. Doubt had entered his mind and he didn’t know what to think. Was he making shit up? Those dreams had felt so so real. “Fuck me…Maybe I am playing some kind of game….”

“Its fine, Jess. Me and Kyle have been helping you do the same thing,” Sam said, patting Jesse on the shoulder. “Just…you need to stop throwing Kyle under the bus. Or at least give him ample warning beforehand if you absolutely have to.”

“Pfft. Yeah. Sure,” Jesse said and Sam laughed.

“Great!” he said, beaming. “Now there’s nothing stopping you from coming to Kyle’s party Friday night. Stop making excuses. Kyle wants you to come and it’s the least you can do after you got him beat up.”

“Do you speak English, Sam? Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?” Jesse snapped. “He is dangerous!”

“Not any more so than he was last week,” Sam said easily, totally blowing Jesse off. “Anyway, the cops are looking for Ethan, not Kyle. You’re acting like they’re going to swarm the house or something.”

“It’s a moot point, either way,” Jesse huffed, turning away in disgust. Suddenly, he remembered the kids sitting in the kitchen and hoping his yelling hadn’t startled them, he stuck his head in to check. Luckily, the children were unaffected. They were having fun, feeding Lissa little bites of waffle from the table. She looked like a puppy, crawling back and forth between the kids, eagerly chasing their forks. “I can’t go to Kyle’s party, Sam,” Jesse said unhappily, turning back to his brother. “Mom can’t afford daycare and the twins obviously can’t go back to their friend’s house. I’m the only one who can watch the kids.”

Sam paused for a moment, stroking his chin as he thought. “What about Shaun’s grandma? She’d probably do it. For free, too.”

“Mom would lose her shit if she found out,” Jesse said. “She hates Ruth. She’s been avoiding her phone calls all summer long.”

“Yeah, but that’s because she thinks you’ll watch the kids,” Sam said wisely. “I bet, if she had no other choice, she’d be thinking differently.”

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe.”

“There’s no maybe about it,” Sam said. “Something needs to change. You can’t take care of everyone on your own all the time. Look at you, you’ve been back one day, and you’re already stressed as hell. I can see it all over your face.”

“Tyler was all out of sorts again yesterday,” Jesse sighed. “I think he’s depressed. I’m really worried about him.”

“Yeah. I was here Sunday, remember?” Sam said. “Something’s up. That’s for sure.”

“What he really needs is some attention,” Jesse said. “And I’m just so busy with everything else…”

“I know,” Sam said. “You’ve got a lot going on. I’ll give you that.”

“Could you please help me with him today?” Jesse asked, feeling like he was begging. “I can’t go through another day like yesterday. I just…can’t do it right now.”

“Yeah. I’ll help you,” Sam said. “I already am, aren’t I?”

Jesse nodded.

“Just do me one little favor?” Sam asked and Jesse raised an eyebrow. “I want you to go next door and ask Shaun’s grandma to babysit Friday night.”

“No,” Jesse said immediately. “I can’t do that.”

“Yes, you can,” Sam said, grabbing Jesse by the shoulders and forcing him to meet his eyes. “And I insist. That’s the favor. I want you to take Friday night off and come party with us.”

“I don’t know, Sam. I don’t think I’m going to enjoy it,” Jesse murmured.

“It’ll be fun. I promise,” Sam said. “And don’t worry about anybody ‘raping’ you, either. I’ll be there this time. I’ve got your back,” he chuckled.

Jesse wanted to keep protesting, but Sam was already heading back into the kitchen. With a sigh, Jesse followed him.

“I’ll give you today to think about how you’re going to ask her, but you’ve gotta do this,” Sam said as he rescued the baby from the children’s ministrations, scooping her off the floor and up into his arms. Lissa had syrup all over her cheeks and mouth and Sam took her straight to the sink for a clean up. “You need a break from this. We both do. Trust me,” Sam said over his shoulder, then he turned on the water and began wiping the baby’s face with a spare washcloth.

Jesse couldn’t disagree with that. He knew by Friday he’d be itching to get away from the kids. Even if he had to spend time with Kyle to do so. Besides… it was only one night. Maybe, if he watched his alcohol intake, he wouldn’t have any more unsettling…dreams.

As the day progressed, Jesse thought about Sam’s little ‘favor’ more and more seriously. He hadn’t seen or spoken to either of Shaun’s grandparents since the breakup, but he was pretty confident he could walk right over, knock on the door, and be let in without too much hassle. Ruth and Eli liked him. Even if they couldn’t help, they would at least listen to him vent.

By bedtime, Jesse had made up his mind. He was going to do it. Tomorrow, he was going to ask for help and not just to satisfy Sam’s request. He needed to ask for his own sake.

Today, with Sam’s help, Tyler had been much, much easier to handle. There were a few bad episodes, one during lunch, another at bathtime, and a big one right before bed, but together, he and Sam had handled it. Jesse was so incredibly glad for his brother’s help, but at the same time, he knew he couldn’t count on him. Sam was going to need another break before too long and Jesse would give it to him, but he would suffer greatly in return.

Sam was right. Something needed to change. Jesse couldn’t do this alone anymore, for days at a time. He needed some fucking relief.

The following day, Wednesday, Jesse and Sam tag-teamed breakfast while the children watched cartoons in the other room.

Jesse was in a good mood, so they were making a big spread. Eggs, bacon, home fries, and toast.

When they’d gotten started, Sam had mentioned being a crap cook again, so, laughing, Jesse had offered to show him a thing or two.

“So, do you know what you’re going to say to Shaun’s grandma today?” Sam asked as he poked lazily at the sizzling home fries with his spatula. As he did, a stray splash of oil leapt out of the pan and he yelped when it caught him on the forearm. “Shit! These potatoes keep burning me!”

“Stop poking them,” Jesse said, but he came closer to check. “Okay, see, they’re not ready yet. You have to give them time to crisp up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam muttered, but he set the spatula aside and stepped back a bit to wait. “It sucks I'm so bad at this…”

“No, you’re doing a good job,” Jesse said encouragingly. “I was about your age when I started cooking on my own. Look, your eggs are perfect.” He pointed to the pan of scrambled eggs on the back burner. “And the bacon’s a little burned, but I do that too sometimes,” he continued, indicating the bacon strips draining on paper towels next to the stove. “Just keep an eye on the potatoes. Once they start browning on the bottom, flip them over.”

“Yeah okay,” Sam grumbled as Jesse went back to making toast and pouring juice. “Whatever you say.”

“That’s right,” Jesse said wisely. “Cooking takes time and patience. You have to watch your food so it comes out right. It’s not like using the microwave at all.”

“Everything should be cooked in the microwave,” Sam bitched. “Cooking over fire like this feels really… primitive.”

“What?” Jesse snorted. “How is a gas range primitive?”

“Fuck if I know.” Sam folded his arms with a huff. “Alright, Jesse. You’re obviously way better at cooking than me. So what?”

“I’m trying to help you, dork,” Jesse said affectionately, buttering another piece of toast. “It’s fine. I’m not making fun of you. This is how everyone learns, through trial and error.”

Sam sighed a little and turned back to the stove. “Honestly, I’m just burning up time until mom leaves for work. Did you hear what I asked earlier? About Shaun’s grandma?”

“Yes,” Jesse said then he shrugged. “And I don’t know what I’m going to say yet. I think I’m just going to wing it.”

Sam picked up the spatula again, nodding. He stuck the utensil into the pan again, but this time, he flipped the potatoes with confidence. “As soon as mom leaves, you should go over.”

“Are you in a rush or something?” Jesse asked dryly. Sam had been bugging him about Ruth since he’d rolled out of bed.

“Yes.” Sam’s pan of home fries had crisped up nicely. He flipped the little diced potatoes in sections, so the other side had a chance to cook, too. “We didn’t set a specific time or anything, but I do have plans with Kyle today.”

“Oh.” Jesse felt his face fall.

“Yeah. Sorry,” Sam said sheepishly, stepping away from the stove again as the potatoes finished up. “I figured helping every other day was better than no days. Right?”

Trying to hide his disappointment, Jesse carried his stack of toast to the counter next to Sam and the stove. The kids’ plates were already laid out and waiting and he set a single piece on each one. “Obviously something is better than nothing,” he muttered unhappily. “Do you really need an answer for that?”

“No.”

Jesse grabbed the bacon next and added a couple strips to each piece of toast. “I’m just really not looking forward to another day on my own. I mean, I know you need time off and everything. I just wish…I wish things were different.”

Sam patted Jesse comfortingly on the back. “Mom’ll be gone in a couple hours. Then you can go talk to that lady next door. She’ll help you. I have a good feeling about this.”

“If she says no, will you stay with me tonight and cheer me up?” Jesse asked hopefully, moving to serve up small portions of eggs next.

“Maybe,” Sam said, but he was making a face that said otherwise.

Soon, they finished cooking and served the kids breakfast. Sam had done a very nice job and Jesse made sure the kids knew who had done the majority of the work. He was hopeful Sam might be able to handle dinner more often, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath.

Once everyone had eaten, Jesse took over cleaning while Sam rounded up the kids and took them outside for a game of tag.

By the time Monica came down for her coffee, Jesse had put everything away and straightened up again. Sam and the kids were still outside, but Lissa was sitting on the couch with him. They were watching country music videos and Jesse was singing along and bouncing the baby in his lap.

Monica sang along with the music, too, as she breezed between the kitchen and living room. She and Jesse chatted briefly but neither of them wanted to upset the peace. They were both avoiding any real or serious topics. Eventually, Monica disappeared back upstairs to get a shower and change for work.

Jesse waited patiently for his time to leave. He was a bit nervous, so he kept himself distracted with the baby. After moving Lissa to the floor, Jesse found her little light-up ball and they rolled it back and forth for a while. It was nice watching the little girl giggle and play freely. She, too, was often neglected and Jesse did his best to give her some attention.

Maybe another hour had passed when Sam and the kids came back inside. They were tired from all the running and they crashed on the couch. Sam came to Jesse immediately.

“Shaun’s grandma is outside. I saw her,” he said as Jesse moved the baby to her jumper. “She’s doing garden work in the backyard. This should be a piece of cake.”

Jesse nodded and left the baby to play on her own. “Mom should be leaving any minute now. I’ll head next door after that.”

Sam clasped him on the shoulder and smiled encouragingly. He didn’t say anymore, he went to sit in the armchair by the window. He was waiting patiently, too, and he leaned back comfortably in his seat as he got his phone out and messed lazily with the screen.

Jesse perched on the arm of the couch, next to Brian. He smiled down at the little boy, but the toddler was busy watching cartoons on the TV. He looked like he was going to need a nap soon. His little eyelids were drooping. Tyler and Allison were in similar states.

Monica came down again ten minutes later. She was dressed and had her purse ready to go. “See you all tonight!” she said cheerfully, then ducked outside. Jesse got up to look out the window and he watched as Monica hopped in the van, then backed down the driveway.

“Okay. I’m going to go now,” Jesse murmured and Sam responded with a nod.

“Good luck,” he said solemnly.

Jesse backed away from the window. He walked to the door and slipped outside. It was a beautiful August day. It was warm, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and cloudless, and birds sang happily in the trees.

As he approached Shaun’s old house, he spotted Ruth crouched along the side of the house, arms deep in dirt. She was planting more flowers. Four big flats of blue and white petunias waited in the grass beside her.

“Those are really pretty,” Jesse said when he got close. Ruth looked up and turned in his direction. She blinked a few times, surprised.

“They are, aren’t they?” she said. “I picked them up yesterday at the church sale. My friend, Gertie, was selling them 2 for 1.”

Jesse stopped a couple feet away, nodding. “That’s a good deal.”

Ruth sat back on her knees, scowling as she dusted the dirt off her arms. “I don’t know about that. By the end of the day, I heard Gertie was basically just giving them away to other ladies. I had to pay for half.”

“Oh,” Jesse said awkwardly. He didn’t know what to say. He twisted his hands together nervously.

Ruth gave Jesse a careful look. “So, what are you doing here? I haven’t seen you since Shaun packed up and left.”

“I ah…wanted to ask you a favor,” Jesse said sheepishly. “It doesn’t involve Shaun, though. Not really. So I wasn’t sure you would be interested…”

“Like I want anything to do with that ungrateful little heathen,” Ruth snorted, amused, then she stood up, slowly, and started towards the house. “Come inside and we’ll talk. I’ll pour you a drink.”

Jesse beamed. So far, everything was going according to plan. He followed Ruth up to the porch and waited to be let inside.

When Jesse stepped into the kitchen, though, he was a bit taken aback by the mess. There were stacks of dirty dishes on the counter mixed with a whole range of metal tools he didn’t know the purpose of. Then he spotted Eli’s skinny legs sticking out from under the kitchen sink and it all became clear.

“Excuse the mess, the sink’s been clogged for a couple days now,” Ruth said as she pulled a chair out at the table and gestured for Jesse to take a seat. “Eli just picked up the replacement part we needed this morning.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Jesse said, slipping into the offered seat. “I’m not offended, my house is always in shambles.”

“I’ll bet. What with all those kids you’ve got over there,” Ruth said, then she frowned and turned away to take a glass out of the cabinet. “It looks like your mother’s at work all week long, then she takes the van and disappears completely for the entire weekend. Now that my grandson isn’t helping you, I’d imagine you’re totally on your own with them most days. Am I right?”

Jesse was speechless. He couldn’t believe how accurate the old woman was. It made him a little uncomfortable to think it, but he concluded Ruth was probably watching the house in her free time. Keeping tabs on them. On Monica.

The woman in question strode to the refrigerator and aggressively poured some lemonade into the glass. She returned the lemonade to the fridge, brought the glass to Jesse, then folded her arms with disapproval. “Your mother is despicable for heaping all that responsibility on you, day after day. I’ve been thinking about calling child services on her.”

Jesse took the drink, his eyes going wide. “Please don’t do that. I know my mom deserves it, but…”

Ruth waved him off. “I said I was thinking about it, not that I actually would. Relax. I know one of those kids is yours, anyway. I don’t want you to get hurt in the crossfire.”

Nodding, Jesse took a little sip of his lemonade. It was very sour. He set his drink down and fought not to pucker his lips.

“I feel really bad for you kids, though. I do,” Ruth said as she rounded the table and took the seat across from Jesse. “Most nights, I wait up to see when she’ll come home and I’m just imagining you kids have been on your own since early afternoon.”

“Yeah,” Jesse said, sighing. “My mom’s been pretty nonexistent as of late. We see her a little in the morning, but we’re usually asleep by the time she comes home. She hasn’t done any real quality parenting in weeks.”

Ruth folded her hands together on the table and frowned, but she was listening. Jesse continued.

“You’re right. I’m home most of the time by myself. I try my best, I really do, but the kids are running me ragged,” he said wearily. “They need constant care, they leave huge messes everywhere they go, they argue and fight at the drop of a hat, and now, my youngest brother, Tyler, is freaked out we’re going to move again and he’s a depressed, emotional wreck. It’s been getting harder and harder lately to handle them. They all need specialized attention, but I’m just one person and I’m already spread incredibly thin as it is. My brother, Sam, helps me a lot when he’s there, but he’s thirteen. He wants to have fun with his friends. He isn’t there every day, like I am. He isn’t driving himself crazy trying to take care of the kids like me.”

“And now my Shaun’s abandoned you,” Ruth murmured, her frown deepening. “He was the only other person you had in your corner…”

Jesse dropped his gaze. “I know I can’t expect him to help me take care of my mom’s responsibilities. I know he wants me to move out and get away from her drama, but I was at least hoping he’d be here to support me. I’m trying to finish my last year in school. I don’t have time right now to get a full-time job and that’s what I’d need to do if I took custody of my son and moved out of my mom’s. He just expects everything to happen like magic.”

“Yep. That little shit told me he’s dropping out of school to be a rock star,” Ruth spat. “He doesn’t have his priorities straight. He should be here helping you and getting ready for his senior year to start. Not smoking dope and playing his guitar or whatever the hell he thinks is so damned important nowadays.”

Jesse sighed again, deeply. “Yeah. He’s just really determined to make something of himself. I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s one of the reasons I was attracted to him in the first place.” Briefly, he closed his eyes as he thought about Shaun and his strong, intimidating presence. He imagined Shaun’s dark, serious eyes and his deep, sexy voice. “That intense energy of his is…addicting.”

“Mm-hmm.” By the expression on Ruth’s face, she didn’t agree, but she didn’t ruin Jesse’s little parade either. She kept quiet.

Jesse shook his head. Enough daydreaming about Shaun and his dark, romantic eyes, he had to think of a good way to ask his pressing question. He was about to say something, when Eli wiggled out from under the sink with a series of groans. He set a big metal wrench on the floor then pulled himself to his feet by grabbing onto the counter. When he finally straightened, he turned to give Jesse a huge, welcoming smile.

“Jesse! I thought I heard your voice.”

Jesse smiled back at the old man. “Hey Eli. How’s the sink looking?”

“Much better, thanks,” Eli said. “Now we just have to give it a quick test…” He turned back to the sink and turned on the faucet. The water drained without hindrance, and Eli cheered. “Success!”

Jesse laughed.

The old man turned off the water and came to sit in the chair to Jesse’s left. “What’s going on, kid?”

“He said he wanted to ask a favor,” Ruth said, giving her husband a loaded look. Suddenly, both Eli and Ruth were looking at Jesse in question. He fumbled a bit under the pressure.

“Uh, well, I’ve been really stressed with the kids lately. Like I mentioned,” Jesse said awkwardly. “I’m not getting a lot of help at home and the kids are suffering because of it.”

Eli nodded in understanding. Ruth, however, continued to glower. Jesse took a deep breath and pushed himself to keep talking.

“I’ve been trying to get the weekends off when I can. I need the time to de-stress, so I can come back Sunday morning, ready for more,” he said. “My mom’s tried to give me that much at least. She’s paid for babysitters and arranged sleepovers, anything but actually stay home and watch the kids herself.”

“Of course,” Ruth said sarcastically. “Why on earth would she do something ridiculous like take care of her own children?”

“Right,” Jesse said with an uncomfortable laugh. “Well, this weekend, mom can’t afford a babysitter and nobody’s having any slumber parties. She’s already got plans with her new boyfriend, so I’m shit out of luck. I’m going to be stuck with the kids all weekend, alone. And I don’t know if I’m going to be able to handle it. I came to ask for help—”

Ruth pounded a fist on the table. “That’s it! I’m going over there when that woman gets home tonight. I don’t care how late it is!”

Jesse held up his hands. “No, Ruth, that isn’t going to help—”

“Why not? She needs to hear the brutal truth,” Ruth raged. “Your mother is a disgrace! She needs to quit worrying about some man and take care of her business!”

Jesse said nothing. He watched Ruth with wide, fearful eyes. He was seeing flashes of his siblings, of his son, ending up in some miserable foster home, and it was filling him with terror.

“Ruth, honey, try to calm down,” Eli said gently, touching his wife’s shoulder with tender familiarity. “You’re scaring our guest.”

Ruth leveled Jesse with her angry gaze, her dark eyes swirling with emotion. She was breathing heavily from her rant and it took her a few seconds to speak again. “I’m sorry. It just…upsets me so much when I see a woman neglecting her children.”

Slowly, Jesse nodded. “I get it. And I’m not defending my mom’s actions. I’m just trying to keep my family together for as long as possible. I know I’ll have to leave soon, and when I do, I have a feeling it’s all going to fall to shit.”

“Most likely,” Ruth sneered. “Your mother relies on you too much. It’s disgusting how she takes advantage of you.”

Jesse looked down at his lemonade. It was bitter and unpalatable, like his life. “I know,” he said quietly. “But I’ve only got one more year of this. One more year of being my mom’s little slave. Then I can graduate and get a good paying job. Me and my son can move out and get our own place. It’ll be hard, but worth it, too. I know it.”

Ruth sighed heavily. “I admire your determination. And your priorities are in order, unlike my grandson’s. So, I’ll help you. But not because I feel sorry for your mother. I think she’s a piece of trash.”

Jesse nodded enthusiastically. “Oh my god, thank you, Ruth! I just need you to watch the kids Friday night, so I can go to my friend’s house. He invited me and my brother to a party and my brother desperately wants me to go. I’m so stressed and tired from the kids, I’m considering it.”

Eli perked up. “Are you asking for an overnight kind of deal?”

Jesse hesitated. “Yes? I don’t know if that’s asking too much though. Tyler has been a real terror lately. More so than usual.”

“It’ll be fine,” Ruth said easily. “There’s not a lot we can’t handle after raising Shaun.”

Jesse laughed and this time, it was authentic. “I guess I didn’t think about that.”

“A five-year-old is nothing next to a big, angry teenager with a penchant for knives,” Eli said with a wry smile. “Trust us. We’ve seen our fair share of tantrums.”

Jesse laughed again. He couldn’t believe how light he felt. Ruth and Eli were going to help with the kids!

“What about tonight?” Ruth asked suddenly and Jesse blinked at her in confusion. “Do you need help with the kids later?”

“Uh, well…Sam is supposed to meet up with his friend once I get home. I’ll be on my own for lunch, dinner, and bedtime.”

“Bring them over once your brother leaves,” Ruth said. “I’ll watch them until bedtime so you can go home and relax for a while. Then, around 9, come pick them up, put them to bed, and your mother doesn’t have to be any the wiser.”

Jesse felt like tearing up he was so relieved. “Thank you, Ruth. Thank you, Eli. This is so incredibly helpful.”

“I’m willing to set up a childcare schedule with you throughout the week, as well, so your brother can go out with his friends, and you don’t have to be left alone with the kids every time he does,” Ruth said. “I won’t watch them every day, but I am doing this for free, so I expect you to be considerate of my time and generosity.”

“Oh totally,” Jesse said at once. “Any time you can watch them would be a huge help. You won’t hear any complaints out of me.”

“Mmm, I hope not,” Ruth said, and then her voice turned stern. “And understand this, Jesse. When these kids are under my roof, they’re to follow my rules and household policies. Any back talking or disobedience in general will be met with a swift punishment.”

Jesse worried his bottom lip. He hoped to God the twins would behave themselves. “Alright…”

Ruth instantly cheered up. Smiling faintly, she stood and walked to the sink. “Come pick these tools up, Eli. We’re going to have more guests soon. I’ve got to get these dishes started so we have something to eat off for lunch.”

“In a second, Ruthie,” Eli said then he turned back to Jesse, a curious gleam in his eye. “Besides the kids, how’ve you been doing Jesse? I haven’t seen you since we brought you home from the hospital.”

Nobody mentioned how utterly destroyed Jesse had been that day. The day Shaun had ended their relationship, smashing his heart into oblivion in the process. He was kind of embarrassed when he thought about it, actually. He remembered sobbing openly on the car ride back while Eli consoled him and Ruth bitched and cursed under her breath, damning Shaun to hell and back.

“I’m okay,” Jesse said with a shrug. “The kids keep me busy most of the time, so I’m not thinking about him obsessively.”

“Ah, I see,” Eli said, and sadness entered his eyes. “He’s still on your mind a lot, then?”

Jesse snorted. “You’re kidding me right? He’s more than ‘on my mind’, I saw him Friday night. In the flesh.”

Eli raised an eyebrow, and Jesse filled him in and told him the story about Shaun and Kyle with Ruth listening in, as well.

“So, I guess I wasn’t really meaning too, but I’ve been making Shaun jealous,” Jesse admitted, avoiding Eli’s searching gaze. “Maybe I’m being stupid, but his reaction might be a good thing, right? Maybe he wants me back.”

Almost grudgingly, Eli nodded in agreement. “It sounds like you might be on to something. But I’d be careful if I were you. Shaun’s got a wicked temper.”

“Yeah. I know,” Jesse said with a grimace. “I’m going to be more careful about what I tell Gretchen, Shaun’s drummer. Every time I tell her something, Shaun always seems to squeeze it out of her. I’d imagine they’re driving each other crazy.”

“Pfft.” At the sink, Ruth angrily crossed her arms again. “He deserves it after what he did to you. In fact, I hope he’s miserable over there. At his new place.”

Jesse had a feeling he probably shouldn’t have recounted the violent story in her presence. She, unlike Eli, wasn’t vaguely amused by the story. She was pissed.

“He’s got a lot of nerve trying to ruin your weekend, too. I can’t believe that boy. Showing up to break stuff and hurt innocent people…. He sounds even more deranged than usual.”

Jesse shrugged. Again, he didn’t know what to say to the woman.

“What’s he doing over at that new place of his anyway? Worshiping Satan?” Ruth sneered.

“I…don’t think so,” Jesse said awkwardly, but Ruth snorted, obviously unconvinced.

Across the table, Eli cleared his throat and Jesse turned back to him. “Listen, I know you want to repair your relationship with Shaun, but this isn’t the way. Making Shaun jealous is only going to lead to violence. Maybe you should just…talk to him.”

Jesse chewed his bottom lip again, nervous at the very thought of approaching Shaun. But…it had worked in the past. He’d certainly given the other boy enough time to rethink his rash decision. It seemed to be working, too. Shaun was having conflicting thoughts, at any rate.

But something stopped Jesse from grabbing his phone and texting Gretchen frantically for Shaun’s new number. He thought about the other boy leaving him behind Friday night at Kyle’s, alone and crying in the grass, and he was nearly strangled by the fear that Shaun would never love him again.

Jesse was playing a tough game, pretending everything was fine while at the same time, he was making plans with Kyle to get Shaun’s attention again. To make him fucking jealous even though he’d said over and over again that he wasn’t. He just…didn’t think he was enough. Without even meaning to, he added so much stress and drama to Shaun’s life, he couldn’t imagine why he’d ever want Jesse again. So, in the back of his head, Jesse had this niggling thought that he’d have to somehow trick Shaun into taking him back. Eli was wrong. This was the only way.

“I don’t know,” he muttered unhappily. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me right now. He’d find a way to get ahold of me if he did.”

“But Shaun doesn’t always know what he wants,” Eli pointed out. “If he’d had his way, you would have disappeared off the face of the earth after the two of you kissed that first time. He never wanted to see you again after it happened. And I was really sad for him. That he’d deny his feelings so determinedly.”

Jesse sighed. “Yeah. I know.”

“Give it a shot, will you?” Eli asked, his eyes pleading. “Talk to him. I think you’ll be surprised how it turns out.”

Jesse nodded, but really, he was planning on doing the exact opposite. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good.” Eli smiled, then he got up, too, and stepped around the table. He crouched to start picking up his tools on the floor. “I will say though, I’m really excited to see the kiddos,” he said cheerfully. “It’s been real quiet around here without Shaun. Quiet and boring.”

Ruth huffed. “No, it’s been peaceful and calm. We’ve been relaxing a lot more now that he’s gone.”

“Yeah. Like I said, boring,” Eli snorted with amusement. “The only reason you went out to plant those flowers in the first place is because you heard the kids playing. You’re bored, too. Admit it. That’s why we’re going to help Jesse and his siblings. At least, that’s why I want to do it.”

Ruth rolled her eyes, but there was a gentle blush on her cheeks, indicating Eli was right. “Whatever, old man. Just get these tools put away. I want my kitchen back.”

Chuckling, Eli collected the last of his tools from the sink and Ruth immediately turned on the water and started washing dishes. She was possessed and quickly seemed to forget about Jesse’s presence. Eli, his arms full, gestured for Jesse to follow him out the door and Jesse got up and happily left his bitter lemonade behind.

Once outside, Eli started for the garage. He tossed over his shoulder, “I’d give Ruth about an hour to clean up. She’ll be antsy if everything isn’t in its place.”

Jesse nodded, following the old man down the steps. “I really appreciate this, Eli. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if you guys had turned me down. I think I might’ve jumped off the nearest cliff.” He laughed a little because it was a joke, but Eli gave him a serious look.

“Good thing we’re helping, then.”

“Yes. It’s a very good thing.”

Eli stopped in the driveway. “Why don’t you come to dinner, too. It’ll be good for you to get out of the house and have someone else cook for you for once.”

Jesse smiled a little. “Shaun would lose it if he knew we were all hanging out. He’d be terrified you guys were going to reveal some deep, dark childhood secret of his that ruins his image forever.”

Eli cracked a grin. “I’ll be sure to think up the most embarrassing ones possible, then.”

“Yes, please,” Jesse laughed.

“See you later, kid,” Eli said, his voice warm and amused. Then he turned to go into the garage and Jesse left him there and hurried back home through the grass. He was so light and happy, he felt like he was flying.

When Jesse burst through the front door, he noticed the kids were gone straight away. Sam sat on the couch now, flipping mindlessly through the channels on TV. He turned around as Jesse took in the room.

“How’d it go?”

“Great,” Jesse said, moving to take the seat next to Sam on the couch. “They both want to help. Ruth said they’d watch the kids Friday night. And even better, she said she’d figure out a regular schedule she can watch them on, too, so I can have more breaks during the week.”

“What?” Sam’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “They seriously said yes?”

“Yes!” Jesse laughed, reaching over to give his little bro a noogie. “Are you listening? They’re going to watch them at least a few times a week. You don’t have to feel guilty anymore. Someone other than you is going to help me.”

“Wow,” Sam blinked in amazement. “I didn’t actually think she would say yes. That was a total shot in the dark.”

“No, it wasn’t. Shaun’s grandparents love me,” Jesse said, amused. “It was just like you said, asking them was a piece of cake.”

“Well, good for you.” Sam clapped Jesse on the shoulder. “Aren’t you glad I suggested it?”

“Yes.” Jesse shoved his brother playfully. “Ruth offered to watch them tonight, too, since your about to ditch me yet again. She’s being really cool about all this.”

“Uh-huh.” Sam’s hand dropped away and he whipped his phone out instead. “I almost forgot. I’d better text Kyle to come get me.”

“Yeah, don’t forget about that,” Jesse sneered, but he made no more protests as his brother sent off a quick message.

“The kids are upstairs, taking an early nap,” Sam said distractedly, still involved with his phone. “They should be up in another hour.”

“I’m taking them straight to Ruth’s house when they wake up,” Jesse said. “She said I could. I think she’s been lonely without Shaun around to take care of. We’re probably helping her just as much as she’s helping us.”

“That’s almost poetic,” Sam said, smirking. “It’s just so incredible how perfectly everything worked out. You’re lucky, Jess.”

“Ha, yeah. Whatever.” Jesse kicked back on the couch then and stole the remote. Sam was busy with his phone now. He didn’t even notice.

Twenty minutes later, Jesse had settled in on the couch and was watching a reality dating show when the sound of a car horn outside made him jump.

“That’s Kyle,” Sam said, jumping up immediately to go to the door. “Don’t wait up for me. I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jesse said. “Have fun. Be safe.”

Sam waved over his shoulder then he slipped out the front. Jesse went back to his show. It was interesting, though he was sure it was mostly staged. The contestants didn’t get to see the people they were dating until they decided to get married. So, basically they were falling in love based on voice alone. Jesse could imagine falling in love with someone based only on their voice. The sound of Shaun’s always made him shiver with arousal…

Jesse watched another two episodes before the twins came downstairs. They were immediately asking for lunch, and Jesse had the break the news to them.

“Guys, I still have to get Brian and the baby up, but when I do, I’m taking all of you next door to Ruth’s house.”

“What?” Tyler’s eyes got huge. “But I hate her! Why?”

Allison didn’t say anything, but the look on her face was not a happy one.

Jesse sighed. “It’s because I need some help, guys. Sam left to go be with his friend when you were napping. I’m on my own again. And I’m tired. Dead tired of being responsible for all four of you kids all on my own.”

Tyler looked like he was going to start crying. His eyes glimmered with tears. “S-Sam left?”

“Yes, Tyler. He did.”

“Oh.”

Jesse tenderly stroked the boy’s red hair. He wished there was a better way to explain things to the child, but maybe it was best just to remain silent. Jesse would only upset him more if he was honest about everything.

“Ruth’s being really nice to help me with you kids,” Jesse told the twins as gently as he could. He had to explain this much at least. “Please, try to behave yourselves while you’re over there. She isn’t going to go easy on you like I do. She’s very strict and she already told me she punishes bad kids.”

“H-how does she punish them?” Allison asked, her face going white with fear.

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask,” Jesse said casually. “You’ll have to tell me if you manage to find out.”

Allison gulped audibly.

“Relax, guys. I bet she does time-out or something like that,” Jesse said, laughing. “Maybe you two should just try to have fun, and not worry so much about what happens if you’re bad. Just be good, okay? For me?”

Grumbling, Tyler threw himself back on the couch. He wasn’t going to do this willingly, it seemed.

Sighing, Jesse turned back to Allison, who watched him with trepidation. “I’m going to get Brian and Lissa. Wait here.”

“But what about lunch?” Allison pouted.

“I think Ruth is making something for you guys. It’s probably ready by now. Just hold on.”

Jesse left the twins in front of the TV and swept upstairs to enter the nursery. Lissa was already awake and bouncing in her crib. Brian was still half-asleep, but he was talking quietly to the baby, keeping her company the only way he knew how.

Jesse efficiently packed a baby bag for Lissa while he told Brian about the new babysitting arrangement. The toddler took the news better than the twins had, at least.

“Mr. Eli said he had a train set he wanted to show me,” Brian spoke up timidly.

“You should ask him about it. Maybe he’ll get it out,” Jesse said encouragingly.” He’s really nice, Brian. I promise.”

Brian nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll ask him.”

Jesse stepped across the room to give Brian a quick kiss on the top of his head. “You’re so brave, Bri.”

Brian giggled a little and squirmed away. “Stop! That tickles!”

Laughing, Jesse went back to the baby bag and tossed in the final item. A mega pack of wipes. “Go downstairs and wait with the twins, silly. I’ve gotta change Lissa’s diaper, then I’ll be down.”

Excited for something new, Brian jumped out of bed and hurried out of the room.

Jesse took the baby out of the crib next. Luckily, he didn’t have to tell her anything, and he lifted her up high so she laughed. “You’re such a cutie! Ruth’s going to be so happy to see you again.”

After changing the baby, Jesse grabbed her diaper bag, collected the kids down in the living room, then took them all next door.

“Come in, come in,” Eli said cheerfully as he greeted them at the door. “We’ve been expecting you.”

The kids shuffled inside, Jesse trailing after, the baby on his hip. While Eli chatted with the children, Jesse took a quick look around the kitchen. He was pleasantly surprised to find everything immaculately clean once more and with wonderful smells of chicken and mashed potatoes filling the air. He was so distracted, he didn’t notice Ruth making a beeline for him until she swooped down and plucked Lissa right from his arms.

At first, Jesse was the slightest but taken aback, but then he smiled when he saw how over the moon Ruth was to see his littlest sister. The old woman made a big fuss out of her, giving her kisses and hugs and making funny faces to get her to laugh.

Jesse only stayed for a couple minutes once he’d relinquished the baby, he was anxious to go home and have the entire place to himself for the first time in months.

“Hope everyone’s hungry!” Ruth called out to the children, the baby sitting happily on her broad hip now. “I made extra so y’all better eat up!”

Jesse sensed it was time for him to leave and he did so quietly, setting the baby bag by the door, then slipping from the house, mercifully alone. He felt like he’d left the kids in good hands and he walked home with a bounce in his step

The second he got back, he shut the door behind him and pressed himself flat against the wood, breathing deep and even. The house was silent and it was truly a beautiful sound.

Jesse took himself upstairs and had a long, hot shower with nobody calling his name or yelling for him to hurry up. He washed his body leisurely, careful not to get his cast wet, then his hair, twice. Afterwards, he stood under the hot water for a long time, letting it pour soothingly over his head and shoulders. It was so goddamn relaxing.

When he was done, he put on some fresh clothes and made himself a simple sandwich in the kitchen. He was able to clean his mess up in just minutes. In fact, the entire process, making, eating, and then cleaning up after the sandwich had only taken ten minutes total and Jesse found himself saying a silent prayer of thanks that he wasn’t slaving over a big lunch for the kids right now instead. That always took so much time and effort.

Jesse lazed around the rest of the day on the couch, watching the dating show and scrolling through Facebook, something he rarely got to do when the kids were around.

On the site, he and Gretchen were friends. He was friends with Ben and even Harry, too, but even so he was terrified to send a friend request to Shaun’s new profile. He'd seen it, of course. It was set to public, so the fans could find him and Jesse had been there many times since Gretchen had made him aware of its creation.

Jesse loved looking at Shaun’s snarky profile pic and he found himself doing it again for the hundredth time since he’d first laid eyes on it. It was a selfie. Shaun held the camera in front of himself so that his features were partially hidden by his long, unruly hair. Just one of his dark, penetrating eyes was visible and a smug little smirk played at the edges of his lips. Jesse couldn't believe how incredibly cool and confident Shaun looked in the image. It had just over a hundred well deserved likes, too, so he knew he wasn’t the only one who’d noticed.

Unfortunately, Shaun wasn’t much of a poster and besides the profile picture and a link to the band’s page, there wasn’t any other content. Luckily, there were a few other pictures of him on the band’s page and Jesse flipped through those a few times as well. There were various shots of Shaun shredding his guitar on stage. He oozed sex and musical genius in every picture and Jesse felt himself growing aroused the longer he looked. It was maddening. To be able to look upon the object of his desire so freely but yet be unable to physically touch…

Jesse thought about pleasuring himself for a while, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to do it. His dick was hard, but there was no emotion behind it. Jesse knew, even if he managed to achieve orgasm, that he wouldn’t enjoy it.

Eventually, he fell asleep on the couch, his phone, open on a picture of Shaun, pressed lovingly to his chest.

Hours later, Jesse woke up suddenly, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He’d had a bad dream about the kids, but he couldn’t remember any of the details. He sat up stiffly and glanced out the window to see it was dark. In a panic, he rolled off the couch and hurried to the door, checking his phone as he went. “Fuck.” It was just past 9:30. They’d literally just started their babysitting arrangement and already Jesse was late for pickup! Ruth was going to be livid!

Only, when he arrived next door, nobody was upset. Eli was entertaining the boys with a fancy electric train set and Ruth and Allison were tending to the baby, cooing and babbling nonsense to make her smile and laugh. Everything was under control and Jesse felt himself relaxing at once.

Ruth and Eli helped him get the kids ready to go. They agreed upon a time for Friday, as well. 5 o’clock, an hour before dinner. Everybody had their shoes on and Jesse was just about to step outside when Ruth pressed a covered plate into his free hand.

Jesse looked down at the foil-wrapped dish. “What’s this?”

“You missed dinner,” Ruth said simply. “I packed you a to-go plate.”

Jesse smiled warmly. “Aww, Ruth. You didn’t have to do that.”

Ruth shrugged. “Well, I did. Bring the dish back when you can.”

Jesse nodded, then hitched Lissa a bit higher on his hip. “Okay, guys. Say goodnight to Mr. Eli and Mrs. Ruth.”

There was a chorus of goodbyes and Ruth seemed tickled by the response. Eli waggled his fingers behind her, giving them another cheerful grin in farewell.

“See you Friday, kids,” Ruth called as Jesse herded the children through the door. “And remember what I said. Be nice to your older brothers!”

Jesse took the kids home and, surprisingly, they headed up to their beds of their own accord. There was absolutely no fight in them. Jesse put the twins to bed first, then he changed the baby and placed her in her crib, saving Brian for last.

“How was it over there today?” Jesse asked as he sat beside Brian on his little bed. He was super curious how everyone had fared without him.

“It was okay,” Brian said, shrugging. “I thought the food was almost as good as yours.”

“Oh, wow,” Jesse laughed. “That’s a huge compliment, little guy.”

“Ruthie made us big bowls of pudding for dessert,” Brian said, his eyes shining excitedly just from the memory. “That was the best part. I love pudding.”

“How was that train set?” Jesse asked.

“It was actually really cool,” Brian said. “Mr. Eli let me and Tyler put it together. It was really comp-lik-cated. It took us most of the day.”

Jesse nodded. It seemed Eli had succeeded in keeping Tyler calm with a mentally engaging task. He’d also managed to include little Brian in the fun. The mere fact that he’d got the two little boys to work together, something that rarely ever happened, was nothing short of amazing. Jesse made a mental note to give the old man a big hug the next time he saw him.

For a couple more minutes, Jesse let Brian talk about his day. He was happy, and that made Jesse happy, too. Soon, though, Brian started to yawn. It was time for bed and Jesse tucked the little boy under his covers and kissed him softly on the cheek.

Once the kids were all in their beds, Jesse went downstairs and reheated Ruth’s take-home dinner. It was a pork chop, a side of green beans, and some summer squash roasted in butter. Everything was really good and Jesse polished his plate in record time.

He wasn’t especially tired after eating, so he went up to his room and packed a bowl. He ended up watching TV late into the night, smoking, and just trying to enjoy his alone time, but honestly, he was craving companionship. Of the romantic kind, too, because he was incredibly horny on top of everything, but still too depressed to jerk off.

Just after 2am, not long after Monica finally came home, Jesse drifted off with the bowl of weed still in his hand.

The next day, Sam staggered in the front door around 10am. He looked hung over, so Jesse made breakfast while the younger teen crashed on the couch.

It was a pretty stressful morning without Sam’s help. He ate breakfast with Jesse and the kids then he went straight upstairs and passed out on the bottom bunk. Jesse was suddenly alone with the kids, yet again, and to make things even worse, he had to clean up a huge mess from breakfast, as well.

Luckily, Jesse was in a much better mindset now that he had Ruth and Eli on his side and he focused on that, on the fact that tomorrow, he’d get the night off because of them. The thought cheered him up and helped him power through a quick, yet thorough cleaning of the kitchen and living room. Then, just as he was finishing up and the kids were starting to get antsy in front of the TV, he had a sudden flash of inspiration. He went out to the garage and pulled down some old board games he and Sam had played when they were little. There was Candy Land, Mouse Trap, Operation, Guess Who, Perfection, a whole slew of classics.

It was the perfect idea. It took some time to set up the games, but each one was more fun than the last. Jesse, knowing the kids were secretly desperate for parental attention, gave them his all while they played. He laughed with them and took part in their silly conversations. He was patient. He listened. He did everything he possibly could to let Allison, Tyler, and Brian know they were loved and appreciated. And the children blossomed under Jesse’s direct and undivided attention. For once, they were getting along and playing nicely. Even little Lissa, watching the games from Jesse’s lap, seemed to be enjoying herself.

Jesse made PB&Js with a side of potato chips for lunch, something simple and easy to clean up. He’d found an activity he and all the kids could do together and he didn’t want to distract from the fun with a bunch of work. Not today. He just wanted to enjoy the moment.

Around dinnertime, Sam awoke from his six hour slumber. He looked less hungover, but he was in a crabby mood and didn’t say anything to anyone. He took a seat in the armchair by the window and began messing with his phone.

Jesse tried not to let his brother’s bad attitude get him down. He put away their last game, then pushed the coffee table up against the couch and out of the way, leaving a large empty square of carpet for the next activity. They were going to play Twister until it was time to eat and the kids were very excited. Jesse, on the other hand, was wishing there was someway he could get out of it – they’d been playing games for hours – but he knew he had to do this. The kids were all counting on him.

So, naturally, Jesse catered the rest of the day to the children. To their every want and need. He was willing to do anything they threw at him, willing to play any game imaginable. He just wanted so badly to avoid yet another meltdown, another emotional outburst… He wanted everyone to be happy, so much so, he didn’t care how miserable it made him feel.

Friday morning finally rolled around and Jesse woke with an itch to do something irresponsible.

With Sam snoring softly in the lower bunk, Jesse climbed out of bed and went to grab his phone off the charging cord. Before he even got dressed, he checked his notifications out of habit. There were a couple, but one in particular stood out. His heart clenching with excitement, Jesse tapped into Facebook to see the latest update on Defaced.

Good news, my little monsters, I’ve got an official update to share! Defaced will be playing next Friday night at The Metal Pit! The show is going to be part of a free ‘End of Summer’ event they’re having. The more people we have buying drinks, the better we get paid, so bring your friends!

Jesse read the new post three times before he let himself react and when he did, he grinned hugely. Kyle was going to love this.

Jesse went about his morning as always. He made breakfast for everyone, then methodically cleaned up. Sam was in a better mood today and he was helping with the kids like he usually did. He was distracted though, and he kept checking his phone. Jesse imagined he was just counting down the hours until they could get rid of the kids. He felt a bit mean for doing it, but he couldn’t help glancing at the time on the cable box over and over, doing the exact same thing Sam was.

Around 1, Monica came downstairs with an overnight bag slung over her shoulder. “Ryan is going to send me a little money for gas, but I’ll Cashapp it to you, Jess, so you can get the kids a pizza or something nice.”

Jesse nodded. It wasn’t much, but frankly, he was surprised she was even doing that.

“I love you all and I’ll see you Sunday night,” Monica said as she stepped into her shoes and grabbed her purse. “Call me only of it’s an emergency. Jesse, you’re in charge until I get back.”

“Got it.”

Monica blew them kisses then she hurried out the front door.

The kids barely even batted an eye. They went right back to their cartoons and their childish little games.

Once Monica had left, Jesse got a start on lunch while Sam watched the kids. They’d been decently well behaved when Monica was still upstairs, but now that she was gone, they were suddenly acting up again and after an incident involving the twins and a rather spirited round of name calling and fisticuffs, Sam was losing his patience.

“It’s like they know we’ve only got a couple more hours to go and it’s killing them,” Sam bitched under his breath as Jesse dutifully served the children their lunch. “They can’t stand to think we might have some fun without them. They’re trying to ruin everything.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you go upstairs for a second and take a hit off my bowl or something. You need to relax.”

“That’s not going to help. I want to get out of here,” Sam hissed. “When can we drop them off again?”

“At 5. That’s like 3 hours from now.”

Sam sucked his teeth. “Three hours?!”

“Hey, at least Ruth’s got dinner,” Jesse snapped back, irritated with his brother’s teenage angst. “This could be so much worse and you know it. Now are you going to have lunch with us or are you going upstairs to pout?”

Muttering to himself, Sam turned and stalked out of the room. Jesse heard him taking the stairs. Obviously, he’d chosen the pouting route.

In his brother’s absence, Jesse concentrated on getting the kids fed and even that was a chore on his own when the kids continued to act up. Tyler didn’t want to eat his side of baby carrots and started throwing them at Allison. Allison, for her part, tried to ignore him at first, but after some veggie dip got in her hair, a whole chain reaction of food being thrown was started. By the end of it, Jesse was standing in the middle of the room, screaming his head off while the children launched carrots dipped in ranch across the room at each other.

Jesse wanted to cry, he was so frustrated. The kids were laughing, but the kitchen was fucking trashed. Just barely keeping it together, he ordered the children into the living room where he set the baby in her bouncer, put a Disney movie on TV, then tossed some blankets and pillows down on the floor.

“Now, I’ve got an enormous mess to clean up, thanks to you kids,” Jesse snapped at the three children staring up at him. He was disappointed to see only the vaguest looks of guilt on their little upturned faces. “I expect you all to lay down, be quiet, and watch some damned TV. I don’t think that’s asking too much. Do you?”

Jesse got some grumbling in response. It was very dissatisfying and he held up a hand for silence.

“All of you are going to Ruth’s house in a few hours,” he reminded the kids, even though they were well aware. “Sam and I have plans so you’ll be spending the night over there, too.”

Tyler folded his arms and looked a bit grumpy, but he was resigned none the less. He took himself to the pile of blankets and settled in moodily to watch the movie. Allison and Brian didn’t look too upset, but they’re were whispering to each other and Jesse turned and hit the switch for the overhead lights, darkening the room significantly. He was hoping some or all of the kids would take naps.

“After I’m done cleaning up, I’ve got to pack your overnight bags. I don’t have time for anymore fighting or silly games…” Jesse rubbed a hand over his face. “Sam’s been next to useless for the past day. It’s just me, guys, and I’m begging you. Please. Just…try to behave.”

Allison and Brian broke apart. They were quiet for a minute, and then Allison spoke up.

“Ok, Jess. We’re sorry about lunch.”

“Yeah. We’re sorry,” Brian piped up, too. “Mrs. Ruthie said your really stressed from the breakup with Shaun and that we need to be nicer to you.”

“It’s okay, guys, but she isn’t wrong, you know,” Jesse said. “I just…can’t stop missing him. Everything’s been doubly hard lately because of it.”

Brian nodded in understanding, but Allison was immediately disinterested. She flopped down on the blankets next to her brother, her eyes locked on the animated film.

“Just… don’t worry about it, Brian. Go watch your movie,” Jesse said finally. This was pointless. He could get sympathy from the toddler all day and he still wouldn’t feel any better. “I’ve got work to do, little man.”

Giving him a gentle smile, Brian turned to get settled in on the blankets. There wasn’t much room left, but luckily, Allison scooted over and made a little extra space for him.

It took close to 45 minutes to pick up all the discarded carrots and to mop the kitchen, but Jesse was determined to conquer the mess and he finished quickly.

As he worked, Shaun and his upcoming show continued to hover in the back of his mind. Jesse hadn’t mentioned it to anybody yet, but Kyle’s crazy plan to sabotage Shaun was running obsessively through his thoughts. He had to go to that show. The details weren’t important, all that mattered was that Jesse needed to see Shaun perform again…

It was getting close to four when Jesse was done. He turned the kitchen lights off, then stepped quietly into the darkened living room.

All 4 kids were fast asleep. Tyler and Allison were curled together in the fetal position and little Brian was on his own, sucking his thumb. Lissa, still in her bouncer, hung motionless in the tiny chair, her eyes shut tight and her head cocked to the side.

Jesse smiled a little to himself, then he went upstairs to start packing. It was almost time; just one more hour to go…

Another 30 minutes passed as he packed for the kids. Everyone got one set of pajamas, a fresh change of clothes for tomorrow morning, and a clean pair of undies, just in case, as well as a stack of diapers for Lissa, a pack of wipes, and her trusty pacifier.

When Jesse had everything tucked neatly into a big duffle bag, he went to his bedroom to check on his brother, Sam.

The teen was indeed pouting. He wasn’t even smoking weed, he sat stiffly on the end of his bed, his phone gripped in one hand while he looked unhappily out the window.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse asked from the doorway. “I’m going to take the kids next door in another 30 minutes. Why the long face?”

Sam turned to him slow and dramatic like. “30 minutes? That’s like forever!”

Jesse snorted. “I thought I told you to smoke some weed. That might help kill the time.”

“I was going to smoke some earlier.” Sam gestured to the shoebox of weed and various paraphernalia sitting open on the desk. “But the second I flicked the lighter, I heard all this screaming downstairs…”

“Yeah, the kids were throwing baby carrots,” Jesse laughed a little, the sound of it only slightly hysterical. “I got them to cool it though. They’re sleeping downstairs in front of the TV.”

“They haven’t made another sound since I put the bowl down,” Sam muttered, turning back to the window. “I already told you, Jesse. I’m not allowed to have fun when the kids are around. They ruin it for me, if I do. That’s why I’m not smoking right now. If I was, they’d be down there right now, breaking stuff and pulling each other’s hair and shit.”

“That’s kind of the point, Sam,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. “That’s why I went and got us a babysitter. You can’t parent and party at the same time. That’s wrong.”

Sam angrily shook his head. “I’m so sick of being a parent! I don’t even have any kids yet!”

“Oh, great.” Jesse leaned heavily against the door jamb. “Now you’re depressed, too?”

Sam shrugged, avoiding Jesse’s eyes. “It’s just so fucked up how much trouble we had to go through to get tonight off.”

“Yeah, but luckily, I worked something out,” Jesse said shortly. “Cheer up, Sam. We’re going to that stupid party of Kyle’s you simply insisted I attend. I don’t know what more you could possibly want right now. I’m not even asking for your help.”

Sam pouted epically. “I just want for it to happen now, you know? I’m supposed to get really really high at Kyle’s party tonight and I can’t wait.”

Jesse gave his little brother a death glare. “You’re an idiot, do you know that? You’ve got an entire bag of weed sitting just three feet from you. I’m watching the kids right now. I said you could take a break.”

“I know, but… they’re all still down there.”

“Whatever then!” Jesse threw his hands up in frustration. “Be miserable for all I care. Join the damned club. We’re all about misery in this family.”

Jesse left his brother to pout; he’d get over it soon enough. He took the duffle bag downstairs and checked on the kids. Mercifully, they were still asleep, and Jesse went into the kitchen to wait so he didn’t disturb them. He’d just taken a seat at the kitchen table when his phone buzzed in his back pocket. Thinking maybe it was another Facebook update, he pulled it out to check.

Hey stranger, haven’t heard from you in a while…

It was a text from Gretchen and Jesse hesitated before answering it. There was a lot he didn’t want to tell her right now, so many things he didn’t want getting back to Shaun… Finally, he came up with a short reply. Yeah. I know, he said. I’ve been super busy with the kids.

I thought maybe that had something to do with it, Gretchen said back. I was a little worried, to be honest. Are you okay?

I’m fine, Jesse said quickly. He just didn’t want to get into it. He changed the subject before Gretchen could ask anything more. I saw your update on Facebook this morning. About the show next Friday.

Oh, shit yeah! We’re all really excited, Gretchen said, including a series of smiling emojis wearing party hats to show her enthusiasm. We’re supposed to practice tonight, but we were supposed to practice both Monday and Wednesday nights, too, and it didn’t fucking happen. I was hoping that post would kill two birds with one stone. It’d get the fans pumped and excited for the event while at the same time, it’d also kick Shaun’s ass into gear. He’s the one who canceled our last two practice sessions. Can you believe it?

Jesse frowned because no, he didn’t believe it. That was so unlike Shaun to miss practice. Um, why did he do that?

That’s one of the reasons I messaged you, actually. Besides just wanting to check on you, that is.

Jesse arched a curious brow. OK, well, you checked on me. Everything’s fine.

Right, Gretchen said. It feels like we haven’t talked in forever. I guess I just wanted to give you a little update on our favorite lead singer.

What? That he’s slacking on the job? Jesse laughed bitterly. Must be nice. I’m bending over backwards right now to take care of my family. I can’t relate.

No, Jesse, it’s been the exact opposite. Shaun’s been so busy the past few days, he hasn’t even mentioned the band.

What? Jesse frowned at his phone. None of this made any sense. There was nothing more important in Shaun’s life than the music. What’s he been doing then?

Its not my place to say, Gretchen said evasively. But you could ask him about it yourself. I think you should call him.

Yeah right. Jesse rolled his eyes. Why would he answer a call from me?

That’s the thing, Jess. Shaun just got home like 20 minutes ago and he’s in the oddest mood. He’s just so happy and optimistic. I’ve never heard him sound like this before. And the real kicker? He’s talking about you.

Jesse felt his heart do a little back flip in excitement. What’s he talking about? I mean, what did he say about me?

I know you’ll hate me for saying this, but I want Shaun to tell you himself, Gretchen said and Jesse immediately huffed with frustration. I told him he should call you, same as I’m telling you to call him. But he’s even more stubborn than you. He doesn’t want to be the first one to reach out.

I don’t want to be the first one either! Jesse texted furiously. You’d feel the same way if you’d heard all the hurtful shit he said to me back at the hospital!

I thought you were desperate to get him back.

I am, Jesse said, but at the same time, he was feeling that same sense of inferiority he had when Eli had suggested he do the same thing: get in contact with Shaun. I just don’t think it’s going to be that simple. I mean, we saw each other a week ago, in person even, and all we did was fight.

He was in a bad mood last week, Gretchen said dismissively. This time, it’ll be better.

Yeah, but why do you think that? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Jesse clenched his teeth together as he typed. He was starting to get upset. None of this makes any sense. You told me the other day to give him time and patience and now you want me to call him up for a random chat?

Yes? Gretchen replied, then followed up with a laughing emoji. Listen, you’ve been incredibly patient and it’s clearly paying off. This entire week has been proof that Shaun’s had enough time.

Proof enough for you, maybe, Jesse complained. But not enough for me to just put myself out there for no reason. If I call him, he’s going to scream at me.

Jesse, I know how intimidating Shaun can be, but if you want him back, you’re going to have to brave the storm, Gretchen said and Jesse stared at her words for a long moment, debating what to do. Then, before he could decide, more words appeared. You should really listen to me, Jess. Shaun’s ready to communicate. I’ve got this gut feeling.

Jesse was about to say something sarcastic in reply when he heard little voices from the living room. The kids were waking up. I’ll think about it, okay? But I can’t do it right now. I’ve got to get back to the kids.

That’s fine. Ben will be back from work in an hour and Harry’s already here. He and Shaun are drinking in the living room. I think we’re actually going to practice tonight, Gretchen said. Just let us get through this session. It’s imperative we get our set list ironed out. I’ve been getting messages from random fans most of the day. We all have. People are excited. This show is going to be fucking fire!

Yeah. Alright, Jesse said, but he was distracted. The twins were whispering in the other room and he wanted to see what they were getting up to before it became something big. I’ll wait. It’s not like I’m in a hurry or anything.

Cool, Gretchen said. Let me send you his number.

Jesse got a text with a phone number a couple seconds later. He thought about saving it to contacts, but he didn’t. He turned his phone off and got up to go tend to the kids.

Jesse thought about Gretchen’s suggestion off and on as he got everybody ready to leave. First Eli and now Gretchen was trying to push him into approaching Shaun, when he had next to no confidence it would actually work. Shockingly, he was leaning more and more heavily toward Kyle’s idea instead. In that scenario, he’d have both his brother and his son in his presence and he knew their support would be invaluable.

“OK Sam, I’m taking the kids next door!” Jesse called upstairs as he scooped up the baby. The other kids were gathered by the door and Jesse nodded for Tyler to open it. “Let’s go, guys.”

Next door, Ruth and Eli were well prepared. Dinner, some kind of chicken noodle casserole, was already baking in the oven. It smelled pretty good and Jesse’s belly rumbled.

Unfortunately, Ruth didn’t offer Jesse a plate. She was distracted by the kids, they were all kinda talking at once, and Jesse was fading into the background. Ruth took the baby from him with a brief “hello, sweetheart”, and then she and Allison went to the back where apparently there was a play area set up for the girls.

When Eli caught Jesse’s curious gaze, he mentioned Ruth had an original Barbie collection back there. Jesse imagined Allison was in heaven.

“Alright boys, how about we work on that trainset some more?” Eli said to Tyler and Brian, both of whom nodded immediately. “I bought a few new pieces last night at the hobby store in town. Let’s check them out before dinner.”

With matching smiles on their little faces, both boys scampered into the living room.

“Hey, I was thinking it might be a good idea if we traded phone numbers before you head out tonight,” Eli said to Jesse once they were alone. “You know, just in case.”

“Sure,” Jesse said, then he got out his phone. “I’m ready for yours.”

Eli read off his home phone, then he got a scrap piece of paper off the counter and copied down Jesse’s cell.

“Have fun at your party, kiddo,” Eli said, slipping Jesse’s number into his pocket for later. “I know I'm not your parent, so I won’t try to lecture you. I’ll just remind you to stay safe.”

Jesse smiled faintly. “Thanks Eli.”

“Don’t mention it.” Eli winked, then he took the duffle bag Jesse had forgotten he’d even been holding. “We’ll see you tomorrow. If you get back early enough, bring your brother over for breakfast.”

Jesse nodded, then he turned to slip out the front door. He hopped off the porch then took off running the second he hit the grass. Free at last!

When Jesse got home, he found Sam in the same position as earlier. He sat at the end of his bed with his phone in his lap, but he had the window open now and a blunt between his lips. It seemed he was celebrating as well.

“Give me some of that,” Jesse said, shoving Sam a bit to make more room.” I need it so much more than you, right now.”

Sam laughed, but he didn’t argue. He handed over the smoke.

Jesse took a big healthy lungful of weed. “So what’s the plan? When’s Kyle coming to get us?”

“Not for a few hours still,” Sam said and while he did seem frustrated, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as earlier. “He’s got a lot of shit to set up before the party starts, I guess.”

“Are there actually going to be people there this time?” Jesse asked, thinking about that weird setup Kyle had taken them to weeks before so Jesse could suck dick. He shivered a little at the memory. “I’m not hooking up with anyone.”

“Good ‘cuz I don’t want to watch you make out with some random guy,” Sam said. “Or girl. Either option sounds kind of gross.”

“Oh, so you think watching you make out with sluts is fun for me?” Jesse snorted.

Sam shrugged. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “You’re incredibly self-centered lately.”

“Not true. I’m super helpful,” Sam said. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be gearing up for an entire weekend of kid central. All by yourself, too.”

“Thank God for you, Sam.”

“Yup.”

After they’d passed the bowl a few times, the brothers decided to load up Sam’s Xbox and play Call of Duty. Jesse tried to keep up with his brother, but he was distracted. Thoughts of Shaun, of the kids, of Kyle’s looming party were bouncing around in his head. Sam was talking smack. He’d sniped Jesse three times in a row and seemed to be enjoying himself. He was still managing to check his phone between games though. He, too, was distracted.

It was getting close to 7 when Jesse felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. They were waiting for another game to load so Jesse hurried to check the notification.

It was from Cashapp. Monica had just sent $25.

Jesse’s stomach grumbled as he thought about food. “Hey Sam. Mom just sent me some money. Want to order a pizza?”

“Something with bacon on it,” Sam said. “And black olives, too. I want salty.”

Jesse ordered a pizza from the local Domino’s. It was the only place that would take his virtual debit card, so the choice was easy enough.

The food showed up around 8 and the games finally came to an end so they could eat. Sam was looking at his phone continually now. Again and again, he checked the screen with every other bite he took.

Jesse was getting tired of it. He could feel the frustration radiating off his brother in waves. He just wanted to relax and try to enjoy the night. He didn’t understand what Sam was so damned anxious about. When he finished his third slice of pizza, he stood up.

“I’m going to freshen up real quick and take a shower,” he said and Sam looked up in surprise.

“Kyle’s going to text me any minute. You’d better hurry.”

“I’ll be quick.” Jesse paused to get a clean set of clothes. Nothing special. Just a t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. “Yell for me if he texts you.”

Sam nodded and Jesse took his bundle of clothes into the other room.

Despite the assertion that he’d be quick, Jesse took his time getting clean. He had a good thirty-minute shower, then, when he climbed out, he dried off leisurely, brushed his teeth, washed his face, then even took a moment to clip his nails short and neat.

Jesse studied his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he pulled on his clothes. His hair was still very short, but it was growing quickly. He had about an inch of vibrant auburn hair on top of his head now. Suddenly, he had a brilliant idea and he grabbed a comb and a bit of gel and stylishly pushed his hair back.

He hadn’t meant too, but he was looking rather fetching after his efforts. Already feeling like he’d gone overboard, Jesse added nails to the coffin by grabbing his sparely used bottle of Bod and adding a few spritz to his pulse points.

Just as he was finishing up, there was a tap at the door.

“Hey, princess? You done in there yet?”

Jesse scowled at his own reflection. Unfortunately, it just made him look even more adorable. He hit the lights, then turned and yanked open the door.

Sam stood on the other side, his phone gripped in his hand. “Kyle just messaged me. He’ll be here in 15 minutes.”

“It’s about time,” Jesse muttered, then pushed past his brother and headed back to the bedroom. The weed was still out on Sam’s bed and he crouched over to pack a quick bowl. He was suddenly nervous. He was doubting himself and this whole idea, but he wasn’t going to back out. He just…needed to calm down a little bit.

Jesse toked up. As he stood there, smoking and trying not to worry, he heard Sam stomp downstairs. He was probably sitting at the window, waiting eagerly for his night of debauchery to begin…

In what felt like just a couple of minutes, Sam was calling up the stairs for Jesse. It was time to go.

“Come on! Kyle’s waiting in the driveway!”

“I’m coming!” Jesse stashed his bowl away for later, then charged out of the room. He was nervous, but he wasn’t about to go into this with his tail between his legs. He’d already decided how tonight was going to go. He’d be avoiding alcohol, any drug but weed, and random hookups. He was going to socialize and to make sure Sam didn’t do anything too incredibly dumb.

The second Jesse got downstairs, Sam was already ducking outside. In his haste, he left the door hanging wide open, and sighing, Jesse followed him outside, pulling the door shut behind himself.

It was pitch black outside and Kyle’s Cadillac sat idling in the drive, headlights blazing. Sam was already hopping in the front, so Jesse walked to the back and slid into the seat behind his brother.

Kyle turned as Jesse got situated and looked him up and down, a slow smile stretching across his lips. “Jesse, sweetie, you look absolutely ravishing tonight.”

Jesse blushed. “Uh thanks.”

“He said he didn’t want to hook up with anybody tonight, but he literally just spent the past hour in the bathroom getting ready,” Sam said, exasperated.

“Shut up!” Jesse snapped, his blush only growing hotter. “The only reason I did that was because you were annoying the hell out of me with your phone.”

“I told you I wanted to get out of here,” Sam said heatedly. “And I must have said that like hours ago. I’m sick of sitting around the house. I thought I was handling it pretty well though.”

Jesse sighed. “You were just checking your phone a lot is all.”

“Sorry.”

Jesse folded his arms and looked out the window. It’d been less than 2 minutes and already he was uncomfortable.

“Um, is everything alright?” Kyle asked into the sudden quiet.

“Yeah. You know how it is,” Sam muttered. “The kids were stressful and shit. It’s been a long day.”

“I see,” Kyle said solemnly then he beamed. “Well, hopefully tonight’s festivities will cheer the two of you up.”

“Yeah, here’s hoping,” Jesse muttered darkly, but Kyle was already turning around and he didn’t seem to hear.

“The party’s already in full swing back at the house. That’s why it took so long for me to get out here,” Kyle said as he shifted the car into reverse and started to back down the driveway. “But don’t worry. You guys didn’t miss much.”

Sam, of course, immediately started whining about that very thing. “Is Moe there yet? You said he was going to show up.”

“Yes, he’s there,” Kyle said, chuckling. “Don’t worry, he wouldn’t dare leave without getting a chance to see you.”

Sam smiled a little. “The last time I saw him, he said he had something special for me to try. Something new.”

“Moe’s always a bundle of fun,” Kyle said. “Be careful though. He’s a little out there some times.”

“Ha. Yeah. I noticed.”

Frowning, Jesse finally asked the question burning on the tip of his tongue. “So, who’s Moe?”

Almost in unison, Sam and Kyle turned to look at Jesse.

Jesse raised his eyebrows. “Well?”

“Moe’s an associate of mine and my brother’s. I’ve known him since I was about Sam’s age,” Kyle said after a minute.

“Oh, so he sells drugs, too,” Jesse said dryly. “How quaint.”

“He’s cool, Jesse,” Sam said, giving Jesse a death glare. “Unlike you.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Wow, Sam. You got me. I’m really wounded, right now.”

“I’ll bet.” Sam snickered under his breath. He was clearly very impressed with himself. Jesse shook his head and looked away in disgust.

“I’m sorry to say, Jesse, but most of the guests at this party either work for or are friends of my brother’s,” Kyle spoke up. “The only ones who aren’t are the two of you.”

“I should have guessed as much,” Jesse said unhappily. “I don’t know who I was expecting to show up, really.”

“They’re a rough bunch of individuals, I’ll give you that, but I know them all on a personal level. They’re good guys at heart, really,” Kyle said. “I… hope this isn’t a problem for you.”

“No.” Jesse shrugged. “I’m fine. This is good to know, though.”

“It’s always good to be informed,” Kyle said agreeably. “I’m the same way, so I get it.”

Jesse nodded vaguely and looked unhappily out the window once more, watching dark, little houses flash past as Kyle continued to drive. He was anxious about what was to come. He couldn’t even imagine what Kyle’s household of drug dealers would look like. Would they be hot, young brutes like Ethan or would they be older and sleazy like Paul?

On the exact same subject, Sam and Kyle talked about the party’s guest list as they got closer to the house. Sam was familiar with more than a few of the names Kyle mentioned, and Jesse felt more and more uncomfortable as he listened in.

Soon, Kyle’s ramshackle little house appeared in the distance. Even from far away, it was obvious Kyle hadn’t been lying. There were multiple vehicles sitting in the lawn and maybe a half dozen more parked along the street.

Kyle slowed and pulled into the lawn. He stopped close to the front of the house, then cut the engine. He turned so he could see both Jesse and Sam at once and smiled slowly. “You guys ready for this?”

“Fuck yeah.” Sam grabbed the door handle and without another word, he shoved it open and jumped out.

Jesse looked after his brother with wide eyes. He felt like he was watching an accident happen in slow motion and couldn’t stop it.

“We’d better hurry or we won’t catch up,” Kyle laughed easily, clearly unbothered by his young friend’s enthusiasm to try drugs.

Jesse, grumbling to himself, pushed his way out of the car and started after his brother. All of this was starting to feel like a huge mistake. He kinda wished he was back home with the kids. Their emotional outbursts, at least, were quelled with time outs. Sam’s though… Jesse didn’t know what it was going to take to get him under control.

With a worried sort of determination, Jesse approached the house. As he got closer, Kyle fell into step beside him.

“How’ve you been?” he asked. “I was kind of expecting you to call at some point.”

“About what?” Jesse grumbled.

“Did you see Shaun’s band’s newest post on Facebook?” Kyle asked and Jesse wanted to face-palm himself. Why hadn’t he realized Kyle would be watching the band’s page just like he was? “They’re playing next week at some outdoor event. This is perfect. We won’t have to sneak your little son in to some bar, we can just walk right up to the stage with him.”

“You really think it’ll be that easy?” Jesse asked as they reached the door. He paused just outside. Music and the dull sound of conversation floated through the wood.

“Sure. Who’s going to stop us?” Kyle asked. “Security at these kinds of things is usually pretty loose.”

Jesse nodded. “So do you know where they’re playing?”

“Outside this little dive bar in Beaumont,” Kyle said. “The town’s doing this end of summer bar crawl and the street will be flooded with patrons walking to and from other bars. Shaun’s going to be seen by hundreds of people.”

Jesse bit his bottom lip. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Surprising him like this?”

“Do you have any other ideas?” Kyle asked. “We have to get his attention. And if we can get him to feel bad for you, too, that’s a plus.”

Jesse scrunched his nose up. “But I don’t want that. Pity is probably the last feeling in the world I want Shaun to have for me.”

“I didn’t say I wanted him to pity you,” Kyle huffed, exasperated. “I said I wanted him to ‘feel bad for you’.”

“Same difference,” Jesse insisted. “And anyway, I’m not sure I want Shaun to ‘feel bad for me’ either. It sounds pathetic.”

“If he doesn’t feel bad for you in some way, then why would he want to save you? ” Kyle asked and Jesse hesitated. He didn’t have a smart retort in reply. He started to open his mouth, just to say something rather than nothing at all, but Kyle waved a hand, dismissing him as if he were nothing. “C’mon. We can talk more inside. I’ve been separated from my guests for far too long already.”

Jesse glared at the blond, annoyed he was so easily brushed aside. But then it dawned on him that he had to go inside now. He couldn’t avoid it anymore.

Smoothly, Kyle slid in front of Jesse and opened the door. With a smile, he gestured him inside and so as not to be a total troll, Jesse accepted and stepped through.

In the kitchen, there were two older guys with drinks in hand, leaning against the counter. The guys were in their late 30s, early 40s. One guy had a receding hairline and the other was slightly overweight with an ugly gray beard. They were nothing special. The woman they were talking to, on the other hand, was. She was stunningly beautiful with long dark hair and big intelligent green eyes. She sat across from the men at the kitchen table and she was laughing about something they’d said. It made her even more attractive.

“Becca! I didn’t see you when I was leaving earlier,” Kyle exclaimed when he saw the woman, then, he seized Jesse’s arm and pulled him aside so they could talk to her. “I’m so glad you could make it, girl!”

The pretty lady, Becca, stood up to give Kyle a quick hug. “It’s been ages, doll. Of course I made it.”

Kyle pulled back with a huge smile on his face. He grabbed Jesse again and pulled him closer. “This is my friend, Jesse. You know, the one I was telling you about?”

Becca’s gaze cut to Jesse and her brilliant green eyes moved over him slowly, taking in his every feature. Jesse felt his cheeks fill with heat as he was assessed like a fine piece of art. Finally, Becca spoke. “He’s just so…cute. I never would have seen Shaun going for some kid with a baby face like this one has.”

Jesse folded his arms and frowned as Kyle started to laugh at him. Jesse knew his baby face was bright red but there was nothing he could do about it.

Becca glared at Kyle. “What’s so funny?”

Kyle held up a hand as he tried to calm himself down and both Becca and Jesse waited patiently for an explanation. “I’m just agreeing with you, is all. Jesse is incredibly cute, isn’t he?”

“Okay. So what?” Jesse said impatiently, though he felt his cheeks continue to burn with embarrassment. “There’s a lot more to me than just my face.”

“He’s got a point there,” Becca said and Jesse instantly felt better. Someone was listening to him! “Cute and smart. Hmm. Looks like Shaun picked a good one.”

Jesse beamed. He liked this lady. She was very intriguing. He was about to ask how she knew Shaun when Kyle rudely cut in.

“And I’m sure the two of you will have a ball getting to know each other later,” he said loudly, his tone sickly sweet, then he latched onto Jesse’s forearm again and started to pull. “But we’ve got to find his brother. Maybe you saw him? Short, red hair…”

“You mean that little teenager that came through a couple minutes ago?”

“That’s the one!”

“Yeah, I think he’s in the living room…”

Kyle was already tugging Jesse in that direction. “Nice catching up, Becca. See you around?”

Becca blinked after them, obviously just as surprised as Jesse with the sudden departure. “Yeah alright. See you.”

Kyle threw one last smile at the pretty lady, then yanked Jesse out of the room. As soon as they were alone, Jesse smacked Kyle’s hand away and whirled on him in anger.

“What the hell was that about?! I was trying to talk to that lady!”

“I thought you weren’t going to hook up with anybody tonight,” Kyle said in a serious voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you really that naïve? Becca was flirting with you,” Kyle said, his expression turning cold. “Are you still into girls?”

“No.” Jesse’s eyes boggled. “We were talking about Shaun. I wanted to ask her how she knew him, actually.”

Kyle didn’t look convinced. “Shaun had a huge crush on Becca when we were kids. I think he would have gone straight for her if she’d given him a chance.”

Jesse scoffed, but now he was dying to talk to the Becca girl. “Well, I’ve actually been with girls,” he said, feeling stupid that he had to explain this. “They’re good in a pinch, but I know now that they’ll never satisfy me like Shaun can. I’m pretty sure he’s had the same revelation, as well, about me.”

“Listen, Jesse.” Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose. “If this were any other day, I’d be fascinated to hear all this, but right now? I’ve got a house full of guests.”

“But…I thought we were going to talk?”

“And we will. Later,” Kyle said, sighing. “But I’ve got to check on the beer supply and the food’s going to be here any minute now… I’ve got shit to do.”

Jesse worried his bottom lip. Maybe he didn’t want to hang out with Kyle all night, but he certainly didn’t want to sit here alone.

“Find your brother,” Kyle said. “He’s around here somewhere.”

“But, Kyle, I…”

But just like that, Kyle slipped away, going further into the smoky room.

Jesse gaped after him. “What the fuck, Kyle!” But his voice was lost in the sound of the music.

The room was packed with strange men and most of them were older, probably in their 40s and 50s, maybe even older than that. There was a lot of balding, gray hair, and beards.

There were a handful of girls in the mix, too, and they in comparison were very young and of varying degrees of attractive. Jesse kinda had the feeling they were prostitutes or something because none of them were smiling or laughing like Becca. They looked miserable and out of place.

A couple of the prostitute girls danced with random men in the middle of the room, while a few others sat in chairs clustered around the TV, horny old men interspersed here and there between them. There were other men in the room, too, and they stood around in little groups talking and laughing. Everyone was smoking and drinking beer. In general, it seemed most of the guys were on friendly terms with each other.

Jesse scanned the crowd from the doorway, keeping his distance while he tried to get the lay of the land. He didn’t see anyone that looked even the slightest bit approachable and he hung back, not knowing what to do. He had to find Sam, though. That much was clear. So Jesse inched forward into the room, keeping his eyes peeled for his younger brother. It took a minute to spot him, but when he did, Jesse couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Sam sat on the couch between two gigantic black guys and Jesse had to do a double take because they reminded him so much of Paul.

Anyway, Sam was talking to both guys animatedly and they were listening with amusement on their faces mixed with something else, something that looked suspiciously like lust. Jesse started walking towards the couch before he’d even figured out what he was going to say.

As Jesse approached his little brother, he noticed Sam had a thin blunt between his fingers and he wondered if that was the wild new drug he’d been hoping to try. Jesse stopped in front of the younger teen and crossed his arms, glaring at the boy.

Sam looked up and groaned. “Oh fuck. That’s my brother…”

The black guy to Sam’s right turned to size Jesse up. He had tattoos on his face and a do rag on his head. He had a rough, angry look about him and Jesse withered under his gaze.

“Chomp, cool it,” the other black man said, the one on the left, and the first guy with tattoos sank back into the couch. He kept staring at Jesse though. “So this is your famous older brother,” the second man continued and Jesse finally took him in.

This guy was much less intimidating and Jesse felt himself relax a little. He was older and wrinkles lined his face, but in a way that made him look both wise and experienced. His hair was white and shaved closely to his scalp, and short, salt and pepper stubble grazed his jaw and cheeks. He was attractive, for an older black man anyway.

“Hi there,” he said in a deep, rumbling voice and he stretched a hand out to shake. “Everyone here calls me Moe.”

Jesse cautiously shook the man’s hand. “Everyone calls me Jesse.”

“That’s a lovely name,” Moe said, smiling. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard it used for a boy, though.”

“Oh.” Jesse blushed a little as his brother, sitting comfortably next to the strange black man, snorted and started laughing. “Well…I’m definitely a boy. I’ve got the parts to prove it.”

“Mmm, I’m sure you do,” Moe said, looking Jesse up and down and Jesse felt himself shiver a little in response. Was this guy really checking him out right now?

“Don’t worry about him, Moe,” Sam said, taking a puff off the skinny blunt between his fingers. “Jesse’s lame and boring, unlike me, who’s awesome and up for anything.”

“I’m so not boring,” Jesse protested, then, to prove his point, he snatched the blunt right out of Sam’s hand and stuck it between his lips. “See? I’m up for anything too. What are we smoking tonight?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “That’s weed, you idiot. Nobody’s impressed.”

Jesse took a hit just to confirm. It tasted alright and he handed it back a bit sheepishly.

“We’re doing the other stuff later. In private,” Sam gloated. “So you won’t be able to interrupt.”

“Oh is that so.” Jesse crossed his arms.

“Aww, come on boys, there’s more than enough to go around, no need to fight,” Moe said, amused. “Sam, let’s make some room for your lovely older brother. He just wants to make sure you’re being properly taken care of. I can respect that.”

Sam made a face. “Trust me, he’s not going to want to do this stuff. He’ll puss out.”

Jesse was starting to feel uncomfortable again. What the hell was Sam getting up to with this old guy who was clearly into boys? Was it just drugs or were there…other things involved?

“Maybe you should leave that up to Jesse to decide,” Moe said in a level voice, but Sam huffed in frustration then pushed himself up and off the couch.

“Okay. How about this. Me and Jesse will get a drink and talk it out,” he said. “Then I’ll feel more comfortable about sharing.”

Moe nodded slowly. “Alright. That’s a good idea.”

Sam proudly lifted his chin. “I won’t be long,” he said, then he grabbed Jesse around the wrist and led him back into the kitchen.

Jesse was tired of being pulled around though. The second they were out of Moe’s line of sight, he tore out of Sam’s grip.

“Let go of me,” he grumbled, pulling his arm away from his brother and back to safety. He was always getting pulled around like a fucking doll. He hated it! “You didn’t have to grab me like that, you know,” he muttered darkly.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t have to bother me just now, either,” Sam hissed. “I was doing just fine on my own before you showed up.”

“And what were you doing exactly?” Jesse asked. “Playing whore for some old black man so he’ll give you free drugs? Wow. So sorry to interrupt!”

Spots of red appeared high on Sam’s cheekbones. “Fuck you, Jesse. You’re the one that’s a whore. What are you, 18, and you’ve already been in 10 serious relationships? You’re exactly like mom. You bounce from one relationship to the next like it’s nothing.”

Jesse fell quiet. He remembered Shaun calling him a whore months back when he’d found out about Brian. Sam’s words hurt because they were so close to the truth.

“Just leave me alone,” Sam said heatedly. “I know what I’m doing. This is my night off and I’m not going to waste it with you, sitting around talking about your shitty ex.”

“That’s not fair.” Jesse blinked back tears. “I haven’t even mentioned him once to you today.”

“You didn’t have to. I can always tell when he’s on your mind,” Sam sneered. “You’ve always got this sad, wistful look on your face, like you do now.”

Jesse didn’t even try to deny it. A single tear rolled down his cheek. “You’re the one who begged me to come to this stupid thing. I don’t even know why you bothered.”

“It’s because I thought you’d get wasted and have some fun,” Sam huffed. “Jesus, Jesse, have a drink or something. In my opinion, I think you should hook up with someone tonight. It might do you some good, to think about something besides the kids and the guy who broke up with you.”

First, he was accused of trying to sleep with Becca, and now he was being lectured for keeping it in his pants. Jesse laughed to himself at the pure insanity of it all.

“I don’t know what’s so funny about that, but I’m serious. You’re not babysitting tonight. Stop trying to parent me,” Sam said firmly. “Let me do my own thing. This is my night.”

Jesse pressed his lips into a thin line. He wanted to protest. He’d barely even talked to the guy, but already, he had bad feelings about Moe.

“I know you want to say no right now, so just don’t say anything at all,” Sam said, smirking a little. “Just try to find something to take your mind off Shaun for a while? Okay?”

Slowly, Jesse nodded.

“Find me later when you’re in a better mood,” Sam said, taking a second to squeeze Jesse’s shoulder. “Maybe then we can have some fun together.”

For the second time that night, Jesse was abandoned. With a deep sense of helplessness, he watched Sam turn and disappear back into the heart of the party.

For a moment, Jesse wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He was thinking about calling Eli and making up some excuse so he could get rescued, and then a hand fell onto his shoulder.

“Whoa, easy there!” Becca cried, holding up her hands in surrender as Jesse whirled around in a frenzy. “It’s just me!”

“Oh. Sorry, Becca,” Jesse said and immediately, he felt like an enormous idiot. “I’ve just…got a lot on my mind. I was distracted just now.”

“It’s fine,” Becca said, laughing pleasantly. “I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. My bad.”

Jesse turned to see the two men from earlier had vanished. Becca was alone in the kitchen. “What’s going on? Are you hiding in here?”

Becca snorted with amusement. “Maybe a little.”

“Why?” Jesse asked. He was curious. “Do you not like the party?”

“Er not particularly?” Becca said and she seemed a little guilty about admitting it. “When Kyle invited me, he said there’d be a couple unusual characters, but honestly that describes like everybody here, except maybe you and me.”

Jesse couldn’t believe he’d found a kindred spirit, in Kyle’s dirty kitchen, too, of all places! “Is it just me or do those guys in there kind of come off as creeps?”

“Right.” Becca nodded. “Did you see the two I was talking to a little bit ago? They were trying to guess how old I am. They seemed pretty disappointed when I showed them my driver’s license and confirmed I’m of legal age.”

“Seriously?”

“They couldn’t wait to get back to the party,” Becca said, sneering. “I was suspicious about those girls dancing in the other room but now I’m terrified. They look really young and scared. I’m wondering if like… they’re being trafficked or something.”

Jesse blinked. “Um, I don’t know. Maybe?”

“OK. Nevermind. I officially sound like a crazy person.” Becca shook her head. “I should go. This has been an incredibly weird trip down memory lane, but I’ve got a shift first thing in the morning. It’s time to get back to reality.”

“Wait. Hold on a minute,” Jesse said quickly, following Becca back to the table where her purse and drink resided. “I’m hating this party, too, but I’ve got to stay for a little while at least. Kyle brought me.”

Becca leaned her hip against the table then lifted her drink. She took a slow sip as she studied Jesse’s face again. “Weirdly enough, I think Kyle wanted us to meet. I’m not sure why else he invited me. He's been too busy to catch up.”

Jesse frowned a little. “Why are you here anyway? You don’t seem like Kyle’s usual type.”

“Did you know Kyle’s supposedly moving away soon? With Ethan?” Becca asked and Jesse nodded. “Well, I guess this is sort of a going away party. That’s how he got me to come, anyway.”

“And who are you exactly?” Jesse asked. “No offense, but Kyle’s never mentioned you before.”

“It’s fine,” Becca said easily. “We’ve never been particularly close but I lived here for about a year when I was a senior in high school. I dated his brother, Ethan, for a while. It was just before he started to get serious about the drug business, so he was still pretty normal.”

“Oh wow,” Jesse said, blinking in amazement. “So you actually lived here?”

“Yep.”

“So, that’s how you know Shaun?” Jesse asked, rapidly making the connections in his head.

“Yes,” Becca said. “He and Kyle must have been oh I’d say 11 or 12 when I lived here. They still hadn’t started high school, but Shaun was already infamous. Everyone thought he was going to snap one day and go crazy, but honestly? I always thought Shaun was a deeply wounded individual. He’s got a gentle, beautiful soul and I was so happy when Kyle told me he’d found someone to share it with. You.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Jesse said sheepishly. “We’re not currently together. We broke up because I can’t seem to keep our secret relationship a secret. It’s really stupid, I know.”

“Which part?” Becca frowned. “That you outted Shaun or that he broke up with you because of it?”

“I don’t know. Both, I guess.” Jesse shrugged.

“Hmm.” Becca hummed. She seemed conflicted, but she didn’t voice her thoughts.

“Everyone says he wants me back and stuff, but I’m losing hope. He moved away recently with one of his bandmates and I never see him anymore. He’s totally removed himself from my life,” Jesse said, sighing deeply. “He’s supposed to be doing this show next week and I’m desperate to go just so I can see him again. I miss him so much…I just want to be near him.”

“You poor thing.” Becca cupped Jesse’s cheek, a sad little smile on her face. “You love him, don’t you?”

“Like you said, he’s got a beautiful, wounded soul,” Jesse said. “I noticed it the first time we met. I knew he was different. Special.”

Becca nodded. “Kyle mentioned he’d started a band, too. What’s it called?”

“Defaced. They’re on Facebook.”

Becca dropped her hand and reached into her purse for her phone. Jesse waited for her to Google the band. It took a couple minutes, but when Becca started smiling Jesse knew she’d found the right page.

“Shaun looks so different,” she said, gazing at her phone. “He’s like…hot now.”

Jesse laughed. “Yeah, he is.”

“I bet his band is really good,” Becca said. “He’s so intense. I know he’d never put his effort into something that wasn’t absolutely perfect.”

“They are good,” Jesse said proudly. “He’s the lead singer and he writes all the songs and lyrics. He’s amazing, actually.”

“You’re quite the little cheerleader,” Becca said, putting her phone away at last. “He’s lucky to have you.”

“I wish he felt the same way,” Jesse said sadly. “But thanks. I’m not doing him any favors though. He really is that good.”

“I know he is,” Becca smiled. “He’s always had this incredible presence.”

Jesse felt warm all over. Just talking about Shaun was getting him excited. He was so glad to have found another fan.

“I was always so nervous he’d hook up with Kyle,” Becca said suddenly and Jesse was snapped out of his fuzzy thoughts and back to cold reality. Becca was looking off into the distance, frowning faintly as she remembered something. “Kyle was like obsessed with him when I lived here. He had him over all the time after school and they’d go in Kyle’s room and talk for hours.”

Jesse wrapped his arms around himself as he felt a sudden chill. He’d never heard the full scope of Kyle’s and Shaun’s relationship. He was surprised they’d spent so much time together.

“I don’t know, Kyle’s nice and everything, I just always had this weird feeling about him,” Becca said, her eyes still trained on something far away, something Jesse couldn’t see. “I finally had the same feeling about Ethan, too, that’s why we eventually broke up.”

“But…why do you feel that way? About Kyle, specifically,” Jesse asked. “If you know anything, I should hear it because… weird things have been happening to me lately when I’m around Kyle. I don’t know if I should trust him anymore.”

Becca took another drink of her beer. She finished it, actually, then set the bottle on the edge of the table. “I’ve never told anyone this, but one time, Shaun was over for a visit and he and Kyle had been shut up in the bedroom for hours on end. Like, it was way past bedtime. It was getting close to midnight and Ethan and I were getting kind of worried. We went to check on them, right? We knocked and knocked, but the door was locked and nobody was answering.”

Jesse listened with wide eyes, trying to imagine what Kyle and Shaun had looked like back then. In his mind, Shaun was a spotty 12-year-old with short, wild hair and a scowl on his face. Kyle was still beautiful, of course, in that charming, boyish way of his. Jesse just couldn’t imagine him ever being awkward.

“Ethan started yelling through the door, saying he was going to break it down if Kyle didn’t open up,” Becca continued. “I was just standing there, watching. I didn’t know what to do. I was 17 and living with my boyfriend and his drunk of a father. I thought everything Ethan said and did was right, back then.”

“So, what happened?”

“Kyle opened the door,” Becca said. “And it was obvious he’d been drinking. You could smell the alcohol on his breath. He didn’t know how to hide it yet.”

Jesse blinked in shock. “What about Shaun?”

“He was passed out, drunk, on the bed,” Becca said. “And I just…had this feeling that Kyle had been messing with him.”

Jesse saw a flash of little Kyle, drunk, standing defensively over Shaun’s unconscious body.

“I didn’t do anything. I swear.”

“I mean, Kyle had come out to me just a few weeks before,” Becca continued. “I’d been watching him and Shaun together more closely because of it and it was making more and more sense. Kyle was in love with Shaun but Shaun had no idea. It would have been cute, but like…Kyle was doing weird stuff like this.”

Jesse felt sick to his stomach. He was almost positive Becca was recounting the memory of the time Kyle had stripped Shaun naked and molested him. Maybe it had even happened multiple times.

“Anyway, after Ethan was through screaming at Kyle for getting his friend blasted, I offered to watch over Shaun,” Becca said. “It was the least I could do. I wasn’t going to leave him alone with Kyle again.”

“That was really cool of you, “ Jesse said, sighing a little in relief.

Becca shrugged. “Ethan carried Shaun out to the living room and I sat with him until morning. When he woke up, he said he didn’t remember anything, but that was the last time I ever saw him. He never came back again after that. I found out later he and Kyle had had a falling out. I figured it was for the best.”

Jesse was shook. He’d already known all this had taken place, Kyle had already admitted to it. But at the same time, hearing it from a third-party witness somehow made it worse. It really had happened. And worse yet, everything Becca had said aligned perfectly with what had just happened to Jesse. It all made so much sense…

“So you asked if you should trust Kyle? Well, my answer is a resounding ‘no’,” Becca said firmly. “I only came to see for myself that he’s leaving town. That means Ethan won’t be back either. Good riddance.”

Jesse grabbed the edge of the table for balance. The table itself was barely level, however, and his hand on the edge threw everything off. Becca’s beer bottle fell to the floor and rolled across the dirty linoleum. “I need a drink,” Jesse said, his eyes following the bottle until it stopped under the counter. “Preferably one that hasn’t been tampered with.”

“Uh, coming right up,” Becca said, then she moved around Jesse and to the fridge. The inside was filled with bottles of beer and she grabbed two then knocked it shut with her hip.

Jesse took the offered bottle, then popped the lid off with the corner of the table. He tipped his head back and took a long drink.

“You alright?” Becca asked, cradling her beer to her chest.

“Yeah,” Jesse said. “Just realizing Shaun was right all along. Kyle’s someone to be avoided.”

Becca nodded slowly. “Kyle’s insanely jealous of you. He mentioned you were coming and who you were and I could just tell. You’re the other reason I came. I was curious. You know, when you first find out Shaun’s into guys, it’s a shock.”

Jesse guzzled the rest of his beer. “Kyle said he had a big crush on you growing up. Is that true?”

Becca rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t anything like that. Kyle’s such a jealous little bitch.

Jesse almost squirted beer out his nose, he started laughing so suddenly.

“I was nice to Shaun when nobody else was and he appreciated it. That’s all,” Becca continued, still looking annoyed. “Plus, Shaun and I are both really into Metallica. We’re fellow metal heads.”

As Jesse’s laughter trailed off, he couldn’t help noticing Becca’s untouched beer. “Sorry, are you going to drink that?”

“Hmm?” Becca glanced down at the beer in question. “Oh. I was going to, but I really shouldn’t. I have to go soon. Work, remember.”

“I’ll take it,” Jesse said immediately. “I’m going soon, too. But I’m getting a ride.” Shrugging, Becca handed Jesse her beer and he repeated his earlier trick with the cap. “I have to get my brother first, though,” he muttered, then took a mouthful of his second beer. Luckily, he didn’t feel dizzy or weird like he had the last time he’d drank. He felt confident, actually. “He’s with some perverted guy right now, trying to score a free high. Kyle’s been poisoning his mind for months on end so he thinks this is totally normal and cool.”

Becca shook her head. “That’s messed up.”

“Yeah. He’s been taking advantage of me, as well. He’s been telling me to do things I know I shouldn’t, but he knows how to push my buttons. He makes me do what he wants every time, and I just keep letting it happen.”

“If he’s anything like Ethan, then he’s got manipulation and dishonesty down to a science,” Becca said bitterly. “By the end of our relationship, I didn’t even know who I was dating anymore. I fled for my life.”

“I’m surprised you came,” Jesse said.

“I’m surprised he invited me,” Becca replied. “We connected a few months back on Instagram but I didn’t think much of it at the time. I figure he's just tying up loose ends. I’m the only one that he's ever come out to, besides Shaun that is.”

“He said he’s just trying to keep himself entertained until he leaves,” Jesse grumbled. “We’re his little playthings.”

“Not me,” Becca said, grabbing her purse and slinging it over her shoulder. “I’m out of here like yesterday. This place gives me the creeps.”

“Right behind you,” Jesse said, then he threw his head back and finished his second beer in one long guzzle. “Just as soon as I get my brother.”

“Good luck,” Becca said. “That looked like a pretty heated argument you guys had earlier.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve had my beers, just like Sam suggested. I’m ready to have fun.”

Becca snorted. “It was nice meeting you. I hope things work out with Shaun.”

“Thanks.” Jesse beamed, then he turned and stormed back into the living room. He moved to the middle of the room and looked around wildly, but Sam and the two big black guys were nowhere to be found. “Oh, fuck,” he muttered. He could only imagine what his brother was getting up to right now…

Jesse dodged around the dancing couples and ducked into the hall. He’d never been in the room to the right, but he checked there first. The door was unlocked and Jesse boldly pulled it open without knocking.

This must have been Ethan’s room originally. It was small and dominated by a large bed pushed against the far wall and a dresser just in front of it with a big screen TV balanced on top. A man was vigorously mouth fucking one of the prostitute girls on the bed and his every forward hip thrust rattled the TV dangerously. Jesse promptly backed out of the room, letting the door swing shut behind him.

The next door on the left was the bathroom and Jesse skipped that one. The next door was Kyle’s and Jesse paused for a second then knocked loudly.

“Hold on a sec!”

Jesse didn’t recognize the voice, but he waited, tapping his foot impatiently. Every second he wasted, Sam could be getting into something worse. Jesse sent up a silent prayer that his brother was alright.

Suddenly, Kyle’s door flew open and another random old man greeted him. “Did you need something?”

Jesse looked over the guy’s shoulder. There were two other men and two girls kissing on the bed. They weren’t naked, yet, but almost everyone was in their undies and Jesse screwed his face up in disgust. “No,” he said. “Wrong room.”

Jesse moved onto the last door in the hall. The master bedroom. Jesse had never been in this room either, and he stopped just outside, his breath caught in his throat. Slowly, he raised his fist and knocked three times.

“Fuck off! We’re busy!”

That was Sam’s voice. Jesse had to get in there. With his heart beating double time, he tried the doorknob. Fuck! It was unlocked!

Jesse leaned his shoulder into the door then pushed it open, slowly.

On the other side, Sam sat on the bed just across from the door. His t-shirt lay beside him on the mattress and his chest was bare, his skin flushed pink and his little nipples hard. He was leaning over a small metal tray, a twenty-dollar bill shoved up his nose while he snorted a line of white powder. He wasn’t alone either. Moe sat just behind Sam with his hands on his shoulders, massaging him affectionately, while the other guy, Chomp, sat in a chair in the corner, stoically watching the show.

“What the fuck is this?” Jesse said into the silence and the guy in the corner jumped. He stood up and lurched around the bed, but Jesse stood his ground.

“Fuck! Jess, look out!” Sam cried and he started to get up, too, pushing the tray away, but Moe held his shoulders, restraining him.

“Chomp!” Moe shouted and the big guy stopped just inches from Jesse.

Jesse glared up at the tattooed goon. “Fuck you. I’m like four times smaller than you. What were you going to do to me? Huh?”

Across the room, Sam snorted with amusement. Jesse peeked around Chomp’s intimidating form and saw his brother, in the grips of some old, evil pervert, laughing his head off.

Jesse cleared his throat and met Moe’s eyes. “I’m here to get my brother,” he said loudly, trying to be heard over Sam’s continued hilarity. “He’s an idiot, but I’m not. I know what you’re trying to do. It’s pretty fucking obvious.”

Moe raised an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”

“Why the fuck is his shirt off right now!” Jesse yelled. “And what’s that?!” he pointed at the metal tray. “I won’t even bring up the fact that your hands are all over him. That speaks volumes all by itself.”

Moe chuckled. “He’s trying some of my newest product. He felt a bit flushed after the first round, so he took his t-shirt off.”

“Newest product?” Jesse glanced at the tray again. There was still white residue on the surface. “Oh shit. Is that…”

“Blue thunder, they call it,” Moe said casually. “I can hardly ever keep it in stock. It sells like hotcakes.”

“C’mon Sam. Let’s go!” Jesse called. “That’s the stuff I was telling you about the other day! The stuff that kills people.”

“Eh. I feel fine,” Sam said, but he shrugged his shoulders until Moe finally let go. “I feel great actually. Like I could run a thousand miles and never take a break.”

“Great. Excellent. You just snorted knock-off crystal meth,” Jesse snorted. “You’ve had your fun for the night. Let’s. Go.”

Sam got up, then paused and grabbed his t-shirt as an afterthought. “You know what? He’s right. I think I’m gonna go.”

“But we were having such a nice time,” Moe said, his face crumpling. “Stay a while. Let’s talk your brother into having some, too.”

“Fuck no,” Jesse spoke up loudly. “I’m not snorting anything. No fucking thank you.”

Sam yanked his shirt over his head and just like that, he was dressed again. “What did I tell you? He’s a stick in the mud.”

Moe frowned deeply.

“Well, it’s been real,” Sam said, giving Moe a salute, then he turned and strolled out of the room, breezing right past Chomp and Jesse.

Jesse took one last look at the dirty pervert in the master bedroom, then he hurried to catch up with his brother. It took a second, Sam was walking incredibly fast, but Jesse finally caught him again in the living room.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” he hissed.

“Yeah, well, I did.”

Jesse gaped at him in amazement. “Are you sure you feel okay? Is your heart racing?”

“Yes, but it feels good,” Sam said easily. “I feel good. I can see why people like this stuff.”

Jesse wanted to smack him across the face. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket instead, to distract himself from the urge. “I’m calling Eli,” he said. “We’re leaving. Now.”

“That’s fine,” Sam said. “I don’t need to be here anymore. Moe was getting really fucking weird there at the end. He was being all touchy-feely and shit.”

Jesse pulled up Eli’s number and hit send. He pressed the ringing phone to his ear and while he waited for it to connect, he grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him toward the kitchen. “C’mon. Let’s wait outside. I don’t want to run into that guy again.”

The kitchen was empty. Becca was long gone and Jesse and Sam hurried through the room without pause. They’d just gotten past Kyle’s numerous locks and were outside and free when the ringing stopped and Eli finally answered.

“’ello. Eli speaking.”

“Eli? This is Jesse. Sam and I need picked up. Like right now.”

Eli’s cheerful voice dropped a few pitches and turned serious. “Where are you?”

Jesse gave Eli the address, then gave some quick directions from the house, too, for good measure. He just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

“I’m leaving right now,” Eli said. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Thank you, Eli,” Jesse said, then he hung up. “Did you hear that?” he called to Sam who was walking ahead of him, towards the road. “He’ll be here in 10 minutes.”

Sam halted when he reached the edge of the lawn and Jesse ran to catch up. “I bet I could walk home. No problem,” Sam muttered, as Jesse stopped beside him. Sam was looking at the road with a deep appreciation and Jesse gazed at him in bewilderment.

“Sure, you could walk home, but it’s dark out, Sam,” he said. “Some random car could hit you, then you’d end up dying in a ditch in Bumfuck, Nowhere.”

“No. I think I’ll be okay,” Sam said, then he took a large step forward, planting a foot on the pavement. “It’s not the first time I’ve walked home in the dark after all. I’ve got practice.”

“When did you ever walk home in the dark?” Jesse asked, crossing his arms.

“You don’t know anything about me, Jess,” Sam laughed merrily, taking another step so that now he stood firmly on the road. “If you’d stop treating me like a kid all the time, you might realize I’m actually pretty awesome.”

Jesse frowned, but Sam didn’t let it deter him. Smiling, he started walking away.

“Come back, dummy!” Jesse yelled after him. “Our ride will be here in 9 minutes!”

“I’ll be halfway home by then,” Sam called over his shoulder. “I’ll just be getting home when you pull up. I’ll wave at you.”

Jesse didn’t like it, but he wasn’t about to chase after the younger teen. Sam was moving like there was a motor in him. There was no way he could keep up.

So, Jesse waited out in front of Kyle’s house. Alone. The minutes ticked by slowly and more than once, Jesse checked his phone. The alcohol had made him brave back in the house, but now, out in the dark, shivering and alone, he was fucking terrified.

Finally, Eli’s old car came rambling down the road. Jesse threw his arms out and waved him down. When the car stopped, Jesse hopped in the front.

“Oh god, thank you so much for coming,” he said in a rush. “My brother’s walking home, but I don’t have it in me to keep up right now. I just feel so…sick and shaky and—”

“Slow down. What happened?” Eli asked and Jesse stared at him blankly because he didn’t even know where to start. “You’ve only been gone a couple hours. Ruthie and I saw you leave earlier in your friend’s car.”

“Oh, it’s horrible,” Jesse moaned. “That guy? He’s not my friend. He’s Shaun’s weed dealer, Kyle. Only, Kyle’s in love with Shaun and jealous of us being together so to get back at me, he befriended my brother and he’s been getting him high and letting him hook up with prostitutes just to piss me off. It was more of the same tonight. I caught Sam snorting meth and getting felt up by some pervert. Who the hell knows what would have happened if I hadn’t been there to stop it.”

Eli stared at Jesse in utter shock and Jesse realized he’d just said an awful lot in a really short amount of time.

“Did…any of that make sense?”

“A bit,” Eli said. “But the part that’s really getting me is, why are you hanging out with this Kyle kid? You just said, he’s not your friend. He’s jealous of you.”

“Oh, well, we started hanging out more after Shaun broke up with me,” Jesse said, looking down at his hands as they twisted nervously in his lap. He started to ramble. “It’s stupid, I know. I knew from the very start he was jealous of me, but I didn’t let that stop me from telling him our secrets. He’s the reason I got beat up right before school let out. He told Shaun’s number one enemy we were sleeping together and next thing you know. Bam! I end up with my face smashed in.”

“So, why are you going to parties with him?”

“Because I’ve been so lonely without Shaun,” Jesse said, feeling pathetic even as he said it. “And he’s been trying to help me win him back. He had this plan…”

“Plan?”

Jesse sighed and shook his head. “The whole idea was to make Shaun jealous again,” he said. “I know you said not to do that, so I already know how you feel, but Kyle—”

“Kyle, who’s jealous of you?”

Jesse covered his face. “Oh fuck! When you say it like that, I sound like the biggest idiot in the world! Why would I ever trust anything Kyle says or does? What the hell is wrong with me?!”

“You’re too trusting. I understand,” Eli said. “I was like that when I was young. But I’ve been burned. Many times. And I’ve learned over the years how to watch my back. But when you know someone’s out to get you…”

“Yeah. It’s pretty obvious,” Jesse said sadly. “Kyle’s out to destroy me.”

Going slow, Eli made a U-turn in the road, then accelerated back towards the house. He didn’t say anything, but his silence was enough. Jesse would be a fool if he continued to trust Kyle.

For a few minutes, Eli and Jesse were quiet, stuck in their own thoughts. Jesse was thinking about the kids, wondering if they were asleep yet. He checked the time on the dash. It was just past 11.

“Have you tried calling Shaun yet?” Eli asked suddenly and Jesse was startled enough to answer truthfully.

“Er…no.”

“If you’re so lonely, I’d think you’d be jumping at the chance,” Eli said. “The two of you definitely need to do some talking, that’s for sure.”

Jesse chewed his bottom lip as he considered it. “His bandmate, Gretchen, she just gave me Shaun’s number today. He just got a new phone.”

“See, what a coincidence,” Eli said cheerfully. “Sometimes, life’s easy like that. It steers you in the right direction when your lost and need it most.”

There was no way Jesse was going to the show with Kyle. He was still determined to go, but not with him. So, Jesse had no plan on how to get back with Shaun. He was totally out of ideas. There was only one thing left to do.

“I’ll call him tonight. The second I’m alone.”

“Oh good,” Eli said. “Tell me how it goes. I’m rooting for you.”

Just then, Jesse spotted Sam ahead on the road. He was walking fast, but he was still a mile or two from home. There was no way he’d beat Eli’s car.

“Can we stop for my stupid brother?” he asked, pointing him out. “Mom will kill me if he dies out here on the road.”

Snorting, Eli slowed beside the teen and rolled down his window. “Want to hitch a ride?”

Sam looked up wildly and beamed when he saw Eli and Jesse peering back at him. Eli stopped the car and Sam ran around the back end to jump in behind Jesse.

“It’s a gorgeous night,” he said with a big, goofy smile. “Don’t you think?”

“It’s almost a full moon,” Eli commented.

“Oh, man. That would have been spectacular if it’d been full tonight. I probably would have kept walking.”

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Jesse snapped. “I’d still be here, forcing you to get a ride home.”

“’Get a ride home, Sam. The road isn’t safe, Sam’,” Sam mocked him, taking on a whiny-high pitched voice to add insult to injury.

Jesse folded his arms and fell quiet. He knew he wasn’t going to win this argument, no matter how right he was.

In just minutes, they were home again. Sam leapt from the car immediately and started stalking for the house. Jesse threw open his door and yelled after him. “Where are you going?!”

“Inside. Duh,” Sam yelled back, then he disappeared into the house.

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t know what to do with him anymore. Between Sam and the kids, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this overwhelmed. I feel like I’m fucking drowning.”

Eli’s cheerful expression fell away. “I hope me and Ruthie taking the kids a few days a week helps out a little.”

“It does,” Jesse said, sighing. “I was serious when I said how much I appreciate it. The only thing that could help more would be my mom actually stepping up and taking charge of the situation. But we all know that isn’t going to happen.”

Eli continued to look very sad.

“Thanks for the ride,” Jesse said, starting to get out. “I’ll be by in the morning for the kids. Like I promised.”

“Don’t forget to call Shaun,” Eli said just seconds before Jesse shut the door. “I know you’re nervous. But it can’t be any worse than what you just went through, trying to get his attention with Kyle’s ‘plans’.”

Jesse bit his lip again and nodded.

“See you in the morning, kid!”

“Goodnight.”

Jesse turned and started up the gravel drive for the house. He hadn’t noticed when they’d pulled up, but all the lights were on upstairs now. As he approached, he wondered if Sam was up there, doing something weird, and he stepped up his pace and hurried inside.

The second Jesse opened the front door, he heard a strange noise upstairs. Already dreading what he’d find, he took the stairs two at a time and poked his head into his and Sam’s bedroom.

Sam was crouched under his bed, pulling everything out of storage. Box after box emerged, things he and Jesse had saved from childhood; sports cards, action figures, school papers, memory cards and other obsolete gaming accessories, the list went on and on and Jesse watched in horror as Sam started opening them one after the other.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Sam looked up, smiling. “I just thought I’d go through this crap. If we’re moving again, I don’t want to haul all this stuff with me.” He reached into the nearest box and pulled out a tiny Spider-man action figure. “We’re getting a little old for Spider-man, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, but…why now?” Jesse asked. “It’s almost midnight.”

Sam shrugged. “I’m in the mood.” Without further hesitation, he turned back to the boxes and started to rummage through them. “You can help if you want, but I’m aiming to cut this down to a single box. Then I think I’ll go through my clothes next. There’s a few things I’ve outgrown and that just don’t fit me anymore. If I’m lucky, mom will take me to Walmart before school starts and buy me a few new pairs of jeans. I can’t do your hand-me-downs anymore. I’m two inches taller than you.”

“Uh…”

“Shit!” Sam jumped up. “I’d better grab some trash bags before I get started.” He flew past Jesse and rushed downstairs, in search of the aforementioned trash bags.

Jesse pinched the bridge of his nose in his brother’s wake. Sam was clearly wired on that blue thunder shit he’d tried. There was no telling how long he’d be like this.

Suddenly, Sam was back. “Excuse me,” he said briskly, then he slid past Jesse, trash bags in hand, and returned to his boxes.

Jesse left him to it. This is what Sam had wanted after all. He took himself into the nursery, shut the door behind himself for privacy, then sat on the edge of Brian’s little bed. He was finally going to do it. After all the trials and tribulations, after everything, he was going to call Shaun. Now.

For a couple minutes, Jesse debated what to say. He knew he did better without a script, though, so after a bit of well-deserved procrastination, he pulled out his phone and went into his recent messages. In just seconds, he’d found Gretchen’s last text. An underlined phone number. Taking a deep breath, he tapped it then waited anxiously for the call to connect. The phone started to ring.

Jesse's heart pounded as the phone rang once, twice, three times. He was about to lose his nerve and hang up when suddenly there was a click and a familiar deep voice answered.

"Hello?"

Jesse's breath caught in his throat. After a moment of stunned silence, he managed to croak out: "Shaun? It's...it's Jesse."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then Shaun spoke again, his tone unreadable. “How did you get this number?”

“Gretchen gave it to me,” Jesse said quickly. “She told me I should call you…I mean, I wanted to call you, I just…didn’t know if you’d answer.”

“Well, why did you then?” Shaun drawled. “Call, I mean. And I was really close to not answering the phone just now. I thought you were another crazy fan. You’re lucky I’m not still taking those stupid pain pills or I’d already be in bed.”

Jesse was so intrigued with the line about ‘crazy fans’ he told the truth without really thinking about it. “Your grandpa just asked me to call you again, too, and I figured I owed him one after all the help he and your grandma have been giving me so, here I am. Calling you.”

Shaun was dead silent.

Jesse checked his phone but the call was still connected. “Shaun? Are you there?”

“What do you mean my grandma and grandpa have been helping you?”

“Oh.” Jesse nervously chewed his lip. “A few days ago, your grandma offered to watch the kids a couple times a week. She did it Wednesday and then again today. They’re spending the night over there, actually. It’s just me and Sam tonight.”

“What?”

Jesse flinched at the tone of Shaun’s voice. He knew he shouldn’t have told him about the babysitting arrangement. He knew it would upset him. Unfortunately, it seemed he was right. “Shaun, it’s really not that bad—”

“So, what? Grandma just waltzed over to your house and offered you her services?” Shaun snapped. “Just like that?”

“Well, I kinda went over there and asked her myself.”

“You kinda went over there?” Shaun sneered, mocking him.

“Why are you being so mean!” Jesse cried. “Fuck! I knew calling you was a bad idea. I told them this wouldn’t work!”

Shaun took a slow, even breath and when he spoke again, he’d seemed to rein in his anger. “Don’t hang up, okay? Just…give me a second.”

Jesse listened to Shaun's measured breathing for a minute or two. It was so incredibly soothing, so much so he found himself closing his eyes and imagining Shaun was beside him, his big, strong body looming over Jesse as he breathed deep and even…

“Okay. I’m calm,” Shaun grumbled, and Jesse opened his eyes again. “Now explain. Tell me everything.”

“It’s pretty simple,” Jesse sighed. “Mom’s got a new boyfriend and she’s out of town every chance she gets. The kids are my responsibility and they’ve been driving me up the wall. Sam’s being a dick like usual and going out with Kyle all the time, leaving me here to fend for everyone on my own. I finally decided I can’t do this alone anymore and I went to your grandma for help. She was the only one I could turn to and I gotta admit, she’s convenient as hell being right next door.”

“I’ll bet,” Shaun said. “I fucking told you she was good with kids.”

“Yeah. I guess you did,” Jesse said cautiously. “So, are you mad?”

“Yes,” Shaun hissed immediately, and Jesse tensed up, but then Shaun sighed deeply and spoke again. “No. I guess not. Not really. I just don’t like the idea of little grubby kids going through my things.”

“They’re not your things anymore. You moved out, remember?” Jesse reminded him.

“Pfft. Yeah. Right,” Shaun sneered.

“It’s just such a relief knowing I’ll get regular breaks at least until school starts again,” Jesse said, feeling like he had to explain himself. “Brian and Allison have actually been pretty decent, but Tyler, oh god, he’s been an utter nightmare. He thinks we’re moving again because mom’s new boyfriend lives in Arizona and he’s in total meltdown mode. He’s throwing fits left and right, starting fights, making huge messes, just being an unbearable brat in general.”

“Wait, so you really are moving?”

“Not yet,” Jesse laughed bitterly. “But it’s a possibility. Like I said, mom’s new guy, Ryan, lives a state over. Things are getting pretty hot and heavy from what I can tell and that’s usually a bad sign for us.”

Shaun grumbled something under his breath, something about ‘being dramatic’ but Jesse just ignored him. He’d see. Soon enough.

“So, besides that, everything’s been peachy over here,” Jesse said sarcastically. “What about you? How’ve you been?”

“I’m not done talking about you,” Shaun said sharply, and Jesse blinked in shock. “What the fuck happened with Kyle the other night. After I left?”

That was the last subject Jesse had wanted to discuss. He swallowed nervously. “We went to sleep. Nothing happened.”

“And the next day?”

Jesse hesitated. He didn’t want to outright lie, that’d make everything so much more difficult. He just had to be careful what he said… “We woke up and I spent hours cleaning up your mess while Kyle iced his broken ribs. There was glass everywhere, Shaun.”

“Mmm.” Shaun didn’t sound the least bit sympathetic. He sounded pleased, in fact.

“Anyway, Kyle called a repair guy to fit a replacement, and we waited for that to happen, then ordered a pizza,” Jesse finished in a rush. “That’s it.”

“Sounds cozy,” Shaun said, but honestly, he seemed fucking pissed. “But I know that’s not all. Something else happened. I know you, Jesse. I can tell your hiding something from me.”

Jesse froze up. “Uh…”

“Spill the beans, Jesse. I know you want to.”

Jesse hadn’t wanted to reveal the part about Ethan, but he didn’t know what else to say! “Um, Kyle’s brother came by with some money for the door? He ended up staying for a while.”

“Kyle’s brother? You mean, Ethan?”

Jesse was scared by how calm Shaun was being. “Yes?”

“You were alone with Kyle and Ethan? The dynamic drug-dealing duo?” Shaun growled and Jesse prepared to be screamed at. “Please tell me you went home after that. Please tell me you didn’t spend the fucking night. Again!”

Jesse aggressively chewed his lip. It was starting to get incredibly sore, but he wasn’t thinking about that at the moment. “I had a few drinks and I…passed out.”

“Jesse….”

“Then I woke up the next morning and everything was fine,” Jesse lied because he had to. If he told Shaun the truth, if he told him about those weird memories/dreams where Kyle and Ethan had methodically raped him, Shaun would go into a murderous rage and he wouldn’t stop until Kyle was either dead or maimed beyond recognition. And Jesse absolutely did not want that to happen, no matter what Kyle may or may not have done to him. He couldn’t see Shaun’s dreams of fame be dashed with a life sentence in jail. He’d take this secret to the grave with him if he had to. “It was a fun weekend, but then I had to come home again. I’ve been pretty fucking miserable. Your grandma offering to help really cheered me up.”

“Hmpf,” Shaun grumbled, dissatisfied with Jesse’s reply.

“Sam and I were at Kyle’s again earlier, actually,” Jesse said, throwing Shaun a bone, something for him to gnaw on. “That’s why I asked your grandma for help to begin with. Sam was bugging me about coming to Kyle’s party tonight, but we had zero options for babysitters. Sam mentioned your grandma, and well, the rest is history.”

“You were at that fucker’s house again? At a party?” Shaun snapped. “Are you stupid or what?”

Jesse frowned, but he didn’t try to defend himself. He did feel pretty stupid. That saying ‘fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, shame on me’ rang in his ears on repeat.

“Fuck, Jesse, you need constant protection, don’t you?”

“I don’t need protection,” Jesse scoffed.

“You need me. Admit it.”

Jesse pressed his lips together as tears prickled the corners of his eyes. “Oh, so you want me to beg? Is that what you’ve been waiting for?”

Shaun huffed. “No, I don’t want you to fucking beg.”

“What do you want then?” Jesse snapped, wiping his tears away as a righteous fury rose inside him. “You know I’ve been waiting for you, right? Longing for you with my every breath?”

“Jesse…stop.”

“No, I won’t stop!” Jesse cried. “What? You don’t want to hear how depressed I’ve been without you? How many times I’ve cried myself to sleep?”

Shaun was silent. Jesse imagined he was making faces of disgust. He was talking about emotions, and Shaun didn’t do stuff like ‘have feelings’.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Jesse spat. “Do you know how often I’ve dreamed about your face, thought about your voice, wished you were beside me, holding me close? I miss everything about you, Shaun. This breakup is killing me inside.”

Again, Shaun didn’t say anything. He was totally mute and Jesse didn’t know whether to let go and start sobbing or to scream until Shaun reacted, until he said something.

“Do you just want me to let you go?” Jesse asked finally, and the tears were back again. He really didn’t want to cry anymore, but he was doing it anyway, and he couldn’t seem to stop. “Do you want me to move on and find someone else? Is that what you want? Because I can’t keep waiting, Shaun. I’m sad all the time. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to be happy again.”

“Fuck…” Shaun muttered, and Jesse prepared himself for an answer. Even if it was a bad one. “Goddamnit, Jesse…”

“What?” Jesse asked and sadly, he felt like he was resorting to begging after all. “Just tell me what to do. Can’t you give me that much?”

Shaun hesitated. Jesse could almost hear his brain working to form a proper reply. Finally, he blurted out: “No, alright. Fuck no. I don’t want you to move on or whatever.”

Jesse bit his lip for the hundredth time. “You…don’t?”

“No.”

“But you don’t want to be with me either, right?” Jesse asked, trying to get a straight answer out of the other boy.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yes, you did. Back at the hospital.”

“Fuck that hospital,” Shaun growled. “I said a lot of shit in there I didn’t mean. There were tubes and wires sticking out of me, I couldn’t shit or piss on my own, my hospital gown must have flashed my dick ten times in a single afternoon, and they weren’t feeding me solid foods for a while, so I was starving,” he bitched. “I fucked up, okay? I shouldn’t have broke up with you.”

Jesse blinked a few times in rapid succession. He didn’t think he’d heard right. “What?”

“I shouldn’t have fucking broke up with you!” Shaun shouted and Jesse couldn’t help himself, he smiled bright like a sunbeam.

“I’m never going to let you forget this, you know,” he said, laughing a little. “You’re going to be paying me back for this for the rest of our lives together.”

Shaun snorted. “The way I drink, I’ll be dead by 50. That’s like 30 more years. Big deal.”

“Wow, that’s morbid,” Jesse laughed again, this time, a little more exuberantly. “But let’s shoot for 60, at least.”

“Grandpa’s in his 70’s,” Shaun said. “Kill me if I ever get to his age.”

“Would you shut up about dying,” Jesse snapped. “I’m just saying. This better be the last time you break up with me. I’m sick of your games.”

“Oh and what are you gonna do if I keep it up?” Shaun chuckled darkly and Jesse felt his heart swell with affection. Shaun was joking with him. Oh god, this was really happening. They were getting back together!

“If you stage another dramatic break up, I’ll withhold sex for a year,” Jesse said. “How about that?”

Shaun snorted. “And how would you resist my cock for an entire year?”

“I’d have to get an exact replica made,” Jesse said playfully. “They can do that you know? And then, once I have it, I’ll get naked and fuck myself with it while you watch.”

“Yeah and then I’d rip it out of you and replace it with the real thing,” Shaun growled and the sound of it sent chills of pleasure down Jesse’s spine. He’d missed this. So much. He’d missed Shaun’s voice, his laugh, his growls and his sneers, too.

“I fucking love you, Shaun,” he said suddenly. “You’re still an asshole, but…I love you anyway. I don’t care if you’re mean to me.”

“Yeah, but I really shouldn’t be mean to you,” Shaun grumbled. “Cuz…I love you, too, Jesse. I’ve been thinking about you like crazy and dreaming about you all the time, too.”

“You have?” Jesse actually couldn’t believe it.

“Yes,” Shaun said. “All the fucking time. Like clockwork.”

“Then why haven’t you said anything?” Jesse asked and for a second, he was kind of pissed again. “Like, you seriously could have said something. Anything.”

“I guess I wanted to, but I couldn’t,” Shaun said and he sounded pained. “I didn’t want you to suffer, Jesse, I just…I had to make up my mind about a couple things first.”

“Oh yeah? About what?” Jesse asked and he waited to hear something stupid and offensive. Shaun was always coming to these dumb conclusions about their relationship. He could only imagine what he was about to say.

But then Shaun totally surprised him.

“I got a job,” Shaun said, and even the way he said it made the whole thing sound incredibly tenuous. “I work with Harry waterproofing basements,” he continued, and Jesse listened closely, his attention focused solely on Shaun’s deep voice. “It’s really hard work. This whole week I’ve been hauling buckets of cement in and out of people’s basements. That’s all they’ll let me do so far. They have to teach me everything else.”

“Do…you like it so far?” Jesse asked slowly. He didn’t want to question Shaun too much. He felt like he might ruin the whole thing if he did.

“It’s alright. The guys I work with smoke weed in the truck between jobs, and they don’t care if I get high with them just as long as I keep up when we get to the work site.”

“That’s cool,” Jesse said. “So, you’re making friends?”

“You mean besides Harry?” Shaun grunted. “Yeah. I guess. The other guys talk about girls a lot. And wrestling. Maybe I should try watching it again. It can’t be that bad.”

Jesse laughed delightedly. “Both Brian and Tyler love wrestling. It’s one of the only things they agree on.” Besides model trainsets, Jesse thought to himself, smiling a little at the thought.

“Great. We can all bundle up with popcorn and watch it together.”

Jesse snorted. “I think Tyler might try to bite you if you got too close.”

“That kid’s a wild animal, I swear…”

“So what else have you been up to?” Jesse asked cheerfully, changing the subject before Shaun got off track. “I guess this is what Gretchen was hinting at earlier. She said you had something to tell me.”

“Yeah, I might have mentioned wanting to talk to you,” Shaun hedged. “It just felt like it was time.”

Jesse’s head was spinning. He laid back on Brian’s little bed and smiled up at the ceiling as it spun this way and that. Fuck…he was so incredibly tired.

“I’ve got more good news, too,” Shaun said. “Do you remember that mousy little nurse at the hospital? Erin?”

Jesse nodded, then remembered Shaun couldn’t see him. “Yes. What about him?”

“He offered to sell me a used car for $500. That’s like nothing, Jess.”

“H-he did?”

“Yep. I get paid next Friday. I’ll have enough to buy the car.”

Jesse squealed, he was so excited. “Shaun! You’re doing it! You’re out of your grandparents’ house, you’re working, you’re doing your music, and you almost have another car! You’re living the dream, baby! Oh my god! I’m so fucking proud of you!!!”

Shaun sounded a little embarrassed, but he laughed just the same. “Thanks. Sorry it took me so long to get my shit together. I’m still working on it, actually.”

“I think you’re doing great, Jesus,” Jesse said, breathless. “All I’ve been doing is babysitting the kids. You’ve been working in hard labor.” He closed his eyes briefly and pictured Shaun carrying those buckets of cement, his strong arms flexing, his big hands moving with purpose, sweat trickling down his muscled chest. Mmm, yeah. Jesse could definitely get used to Shaun waterproofing basements.

“You’ve been doing a lot, don’t kid yourself. You’ve been doing too much, actually,” Shaun said in a deep, unhappy voice. “Maybe your responsible for Brian, but those other kids don’t belong to you.”

“I know,” Jesse said, sighing. “But it is what it is. I can’t leave home yet. There’s nowhere to go.”

“I’m still working on that part,” Shaun said adamantly. “Just give me a few months. I’ll save up. I’ll find us a nice two bedroom with a playground.”

“Oh, that’d be perfect,” Jesse cooed. “If you could really make that happen, I could get a part-time job on the weekends and still go to school during the week.”

“I know,” Shaun said. “I’ve been planning everything out. How it’s going to work. I was fucking with you earlier. I don’t want to break up anymore. I want to do this, okay? For real this time.”

“I think we’re finally on the same page,” Jesse said, smiling as little happy butterflies tickled his insides. “Oh, god, Shaun. It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve been together. Like really together. When can I see you? Please, let it be tomorrow. Or now. Now would be good, too.”

“Now? You’re half asleep, babe. I can hear it in your voice. You’re slurring your words.”

“No, I’m not,” Jesse waved him off. “I’m gonna be up for hours yet. Did I tell you? Sam snorted this crazy crystal meth knock-off at Kyle’s party tonight. It’s called Blue Thunder.”

“That stupid fuck,” Shaun cursed. “He’s lucky he didn’t have a damned heart attack. I saw that shit on the news. It’s deadly.”

“I know,” Jesse said solemnly. “But nope. He said he liked it. He’s zipping around the house, cleaning shit that doesn’t need cleaning. I guess he’s enjoying himself. He’s certainly smiling a bunch.”

“Christ,” Shaun muttered.

“So when am I going to see you?” Jesse whined, changing the subject back to the matter at hand. “I miss you like crazy!”

“Did you hear about my show next Friday?” Shaun asked.

“Yes?”

“Do you think you can ask my grandma to watch the kids again? Maybe for the entire weekend?”

Jesse stroked his chin as he considered. “Maybe not all the kids…”

“What?” Shaun scoffed. “Are you suggesting we take some of them with us? I was thinking one of the guys could pick you up Friday and bring you to the show, then I was hoping you could stay with me all weekend afterwards.”

“Aww, do I really have to wait that long?” Jesse whined. “That’s 7 whole days!”

“I won’t have money till Friday, and I want to take you out and stuff,” Shaun said awkwardly.

Shaun had never offered to take Jesse out. “Um, you do?”

“Honestly, Ben and Gretchen are insufferable lately. Since they started dating for real and Ben moved in, they’re all over each other, all the time. If you were here, I’d use it as an excuse to get away for a while.”

“Well, I’ve got a great idea,” Jesse said. “Both Brian and Sam want to see you play. Let me bring them along.”

“Maybe Brian, but not Sam,” Shaun said firmly. “I can’t stand that little dickhead.”

“Oh, come on. If we give him some beer and some weed, he’ll be good,” Jesse said. “Besides, he’ll watch Brian for us when we want to ‘get busy’.”

“We’re using a codename for sex now?” Shaun sneered.

“Welcome to parenthood!” Jesse laughed.

Shaun groaned a little. “Yay.”

Jesse laughed until he was sore. He’d missed Shaun’s dry humor. He’d kinda forgotten about it, but now that he remembered, he cherished it fondly.

“So are you coming to the show or not?” Shaun asked abruptly, cutting through Jesse’s laughter with his deep, rumbling voice. “I want you to be there when we reveal Harry for the first time. He’s a great addition to the band. Gretchen’s a damned genius for getting him involved in the project.”

“Am I allowed to bring my brother and my kid?” Jesse asked again, but this time, he tried a different angle. “Sam thinks your going to fuck up. He has no idea how you own the stage when your on it.”

“He thinks I’ll choke? That little shit.” Shaun rolled his eyes elaborately. “I’ll show him. Bring him along. And your kid, too. We’ll figure out sleeping arrangements when you get here or something.”

Jesse wanted to jump for joy, but instead, he yawned hugely. “That’s…great. I’ll ask your grandma in the morning about next weekend.”

“Mmm. You sound tired,” Shaun hummed. “Are you going to dream about me again tonight?”

“Most likely,” Jesse said, smirking. “I haven’t had a sex dream in a while though. I’ve been too depressed. Maybe that’ll change.”

“I hope not,” Shaun said, his voice going even deeper than usual. “I’d rather you be a pent-up, horny, little slut when you see me Friday.”

Jesse moaned. “Are you gonna fuck me and make it better?”

“Absolutely. I’m planning on it.”

Jesse moaned again. Already, his cock was getting hard just thinking about Shaun’s touch.

“I think you’d better go to bed, baby,” Shaun said, his voice smooth and methodical like a lullaby. Jesse’s eyes fell shut immediately. “Dream sweet dreams about me.”

“I can do that,” Jesse whispered.

“Good,” Shaun purred and Jesse felt himself beginning to drift off, the phone that had been pressed to his face, falling away. “I love you, Jesse,” Shaun said as Jesse slipped into unconsciousness. “I love you and you’re my whole world. You mean everything to me.”

“…love you, too,” Jesse murmured, and then he fell asleep, sideways on Brian’s toddler bed, his mouth still partially open. A lot of drool was produced that night.

***

When Jesse woke the next morning, he sat up suddenly then groaned as a muscle twinged painfully in his neck. He must have slept wrong. That shit was always so annoying when it happened.

Jesse sat on Brian’s bed for a minute, rubbing his neck. Slowly, the night before replayed in his mind and he jumped a little, looking frantically for his phone, when he remembered the last part. The part where he’d talked to Shaun for almost an hour. He had to check his call log. He had to make sure last night hadn’t been a dream.

Finally, Jesse found his phone on the floor, tucked just under the bed. He clicked it on and hurried to pull up his most recent calls.

There it was. The number wasn’t saved, of course, but Jesse remembered the number from Gretchen’s messages yesterday. It hadn’t been a dream. Jesse and Shaun had talked last night. They’d unofficially gotten back together, too.

Feeling like it was Christmas morning, Jesse raced to his bedroom to tell Sam the good news.

Only, Sam was face down on his bed, snoring up a storm. The room was in total disarray. All the boxes from last night had been rummaged through and a good majority of their contents were now in different trash bags or spread out on the floor. Sam had started going through his clothes, too. They were strewn all over the room, on top of boxes, stretched across the bed, draped over the desk chair….

“Oh my god.” Jesse looked around at the utter desolation. Instead of celebrating and relaxing, he would now be cleaning and picking up well into the afternoon.

With a heavy heart, Jesse got started. He’d think about Shaun later.