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    AC Benus
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

2015 - Fall - Blurred Edges Entry

It's Only Natural - 1. It's Only Natural

It's Only Natural

 

The ring was still too small. However, that fact could hardly come as a surprise to him after all these years of wearing it. The daydreaming man squinted at his manual task, and suddenly saw all too clearly this kind of thing had been happening to him his whole life. He had the perfect metaphor within his grasp as he stood at the kitchen counter.

Every morning since he started to drink this kind of coffee, his cup would be a little too full and he'd have to pour some off. Somehow experience never rose to the level of being able to alter expectations, so he eventually gave up estimating the perfect amount of water to heat for the freeze-dried crystals of his instant caffeine. He told himself he was content to pour the excess of his mistake down the drain.

Julio had known how to do it right. His husband had been the one to make his coffee – real coffee, not the instant kind – and his tea, and his breakfasts and dinners. And Julio was the one to love him and lift his spirits at moments like these.

His finger throbbed still more insistently.

With the ring, it had been just the same. In the beginning he told himself the hassle of getting a new one, or getting the old one sized, wasn't worth the effort. Even on the day he left the jewelry store he reasoned with himself that the throbbing sensation would dissipate over time. He excused the pain with thoughts along the lines of: 'Maybe my finger will shrink, or get used to the ring being there, or something.' The man further rationalized directly to his betrothed with a dismissive laugh: "Well, at least I didn't get it too big so it'll be slipping all over the place."

He could hardly believe it, but that day so imminently fresh in his memory, the day his husband had picked out their matching wedding bands, had been fifty years ago. Furthermore, he did not need to glance away from stirring his overflowing instant coffee, or up at the calendar on the wall, to know today was the anniversary of the day he died. 'One year…' he wondered. 'Did ever two words sound crueler in combination?'

         

˚˚˚˚˚

 

His rush to leave the house was impeded. For while getting ready to run some errands, he was forced to pause on his porch, and there felt his ring finger pound again. It had started to rain once more, and to make matters worse, of course his umbrella was in the car; the weatherman, it turned out, had not been very precise with his forecast.

So he stood there, the 'rain' falling down his face as well. He was an exacting man living in an imprecise world, and thus was bound to it in a very personal way.

At times, we all stand in the rain with a throbbing finger, our memories, and our limitations. It's only natural.

           

~

 

 

 

Copyright © 2015 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

2015 - Fall - Blurred Edges Entry
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Maybe this is why so many guys think they need to hide their emotions--the slightest thing can set them off. They feel the need for more control over their lives, and think seeming indifferent is mature. All they need to do is express them in a private place if letting them out in front of others is painful. The loss of a husband after so long has to be devastating.
I only saw my Dad lose his composure once before he went into his room to hide it...he'd just heard his oldest brother died. I lost my oldest sister last year just before my birthday, and I cried for quite a while, the only one home to see it was my late cat, but that didn't matter--I'd have done the same if it was a person.
For me, I miss my cat Bortai most when I go into the kitchen to make lunch...she was always waiting for me, and now the spot where she sat is empty, and her bowls safely put away.

  • Like 1

Everyone who lost a loved one will be able to relate to this story.
It's always the small things that -when least expected- bring back a memory.
Here those memories are mixed with a kind of resignation with regard to things you can't (or won't) change or see as inevitable.
Although a short meeting, I think I got to know the husband of Julio a little. Accomplished, AC.

  • Like 1
On 09/11/2015 04:36 AM, Cole Matthews said:

I'm interpreting this as blurred edges leading to inaction. He can't move beyond because he can't find the edges to move on. Good vignette that made me think! thanks!

Thank you, Cole. Reading your review put me in mind of that pretty well-known statistic that the second partner may die in relatively short order after the first one. I get that sort of bleak 'inaction' from the man, and also a sense of him not knowing what to do.

 

Thanks for your review. I appreciate it!

On 09/11/2015 05:43 AM, ColumbusGuy said:

Maybe this is why so many guys think they need to hide their emotions--the slightest thing can set them off. They feel the need for more control over their lives, and think seeming indifferent is mature. All they need to do is express them in a private place if letting them out in front of others is painful. The loss of a husband after so long has to be devastating.

I only saw my Dad lose his composure once before he went into his room to hide it...he'd just heard his oldest brother died. I lost my oldest sister last year just before my birthday, and I cried for quite a while, the only one home to see it was my late cat, but that didn't matter--I'd have done the same if it was a person.

For me, I miss my cat Bortai most when I go into the kitchen to make lunch...she was always waiting for me, and now the spot where she sat is empty, and her bowls safely put away.

Thank you for the personal review, buddy. I know what loss is like, and looking at a spot expecting to see the familiar there.

 

For the man in the story, I suppose he has the type of personality where he wants everything to be in order. If not, perhaps he's uncomfortable. The irony is he suddenly realizes he's prone to misjudging things in the first place.

 

I think he has a long road ahead of him. Thanks again.

On 09/11/2015 07:16 AM, J.HunterDunn said:

Everyone who lost a loved one will be able to relate to this story.

It's always the small things that -when least expected- bring back a memory.

Here those memories are mixed with a kind of resignation with regard to things you can't (or won't) change or see as inevitable.

Although a short meeting, I think I got to know the husband of Julio a little. Accomplished, AC.

Thank you, Peter. I think you just helped me see this story a little better. Perhaps the man has no literal regard for himself – meaning we do not even get to know his name – because he's so used to thinking of himself as Julio's husband.

 

Thank you for a thoughtful and touching review. I appreciate it!

Life is usually broken down to the little things. We might forget the pressures of work, the fights, the daily grind, but the little things remain. The memory of a smile, the fit of a ring, the scent of a cookie, the color of a rose. Anyone who lost someone very important to them knows it is those things that can take you from the moment and have you reliving the past, usually with a smile, and sometimes with tears. Very beautifully done AC. Thank you so much for sharing this. I don't see your main character as a sad man, but more as one who is still lost in the memories of his husband.

  • Like 1

If you lived with someone for a long time, you share the daily tasks, and somehow unlearn things you did when you were still alone. I can understand how he didn't have the energy to even make real coffee (instant coffee yuck!) or to cook after losing his husband, his other half. He is only half or less, if you reverse the saying: The whole is more than the sum of its parts.
On another thought: Fifty years with a too small ring? OMG!

  • Like 1
On 09/11/2015 12:45 PM, comicfan said:

Life is usually broken down to the little things. We might forget the pressures of work, the fights, the daily grind, but the little things remain. The memory of a smile, the fit of a ring, the scent of a cookie, the color of a rose. Anyone who lost someone very important to them knows it is those things that can take you from the moment and have you reliving the past, usually with a smile, and sometimes with tears. Very beautifully done AC. Thank you so much for sharing this. I don't see your main character as a sad man, but more as one who is still lost in the memories of his husband.

Thank you, comicfan, for a wonderful review. Little things can trigger great insight, or great memories, as you state so eloquently. I'm glad you don't see him as sad, but just one trying to get by.

 

Also, thank you for your compliment. I truly appreciate it.

On 09/12/2015 02:19 AM, aditus said:

If you lived with someone for a long time, you share the daily tasks, and somehow unlearn things you did when you were still alone. I can understand how he didn't have the energy to even make real coffee (instant coffee yuck!) or to cook after losing his husband, his other half. He is only half or less, if you reverse the saying: The whole is more than the sum of its parts.

On another thought: Fifty years with a too small ring? OMG!

Thank you, Adi! People do change, either by the progress of time, or by a sudden loss, so I guess he uses the instant coffee as a crutch. I hope he one day soon pulls out the coffee machine and goes for it. That would probably be his 'acceptance' phase, when he gets there.

 

Thanks for a wonderful review. I appreciate it.

As you age and begin to lose those you loved and were closest to you, at times it's difficult to find the energy or ambition to do the things that you probably should be doing. It's obvious he has reached this point and finds it difficult to carry on without his husband. All he has left is his memories, but will that be enough to keep him going? Thanks for sharing, AC.

  • Like 1
On 09/12/2015 06:09 PM, Bill W said:

As you age and begin to lose those you loved and were closest to you, at times it's difficult to find the energy or ambition to do the things that you probably should be doing. It's obvious he has reached this point and finds it difficult to carry on without his husband. All he has left is his memories, but will that be enough to keep him going? Thanks for sharing, AC.

Thanks, Bill W, for a great review. It seems you and most readers are able to put themselves in the man's shoes, and I'm grateful.

 

Thanks again.

Maybe, continuing things Julio's way would have have been too painful, so he forged his own way. Even if it was the horrible choice of instant coffee. (I agree with Adi, yuck) Maybe it was easy for him to coast through, in an effort to live and keep going. Until this thing happens. The date comes, the pinch of the ring is even tighter, and as he's claimed by his memories, he realizes that he hasn't or couldn't move on at all.

  • Like 1
On 09/13/2015 07:28 AM, Defiance19 said:

Maybe, continuing things Julio's way would have have been too painful, so he forged his own way. Even if it was the horrible choice of instant coffee. (I agree with Adi, yuck) Maybe it was easy for him to coast through, in an effort to live and keep going. Until this thing happens. The date comes, the pinch of the ring is even tighter, and as he's claimed by his memories, he realizes that he hasn't or couldn't move on at all.

Thank you, Defiance19. You provide such a perfect and poetic summary of the whole storyline; I couldn't do better myself. Fifty years of a tight ring…? Maybe, or just perhaps this day, this horribly special day, his heartbeat is goading him more than usual.

 

Thanks again for all of your support. I appreciate it!

The man seems so lost w/o Julio. Julio cooked for him, made his brewed coffee (yes, instant - ewww! My mom loved her instant Folgers (maybe b/c we never had a coffeemaker at home), and made him feel loved, safe and secure.

 

I had the impression the man just went through his daily life listless, lethargic - somewhat like a robot - did only what he had to do and nothing more. A year is not a long time to mourn. He had to go through some 'firsts' first: first Christmas (or Hanukkah!) alone, first birthday (his or Julio's) alone, first Thanksgiving alone, etc. It's horrible and depressing.

 

I feel the throbbing of his finger is a constant reminder of his love for his late husband. I really think if his finger didn't throb, he would be devastated and think of it as another loss. But as Addy said - fifty years with a throbbing finger!!! He's lucky it didn't turn gangrene and fall off from lack of circulation!

 

Terrific story, AC. I found it very sad, and my heart goes out to the man.

  • Like 1

You paint a perfect picture of apathy, AC. It's a sad and necessary one. He is still grieving and the motto for the life he leads could be 'What does it matter, now?'. The rain at the end tells me his loss has made him think the world is against him. I've been there a few times myself. Going through the motions are exhausting, and I felt it in his outlook. I think he needs to get angry, and find the trigger that will help him move on. I'd like to think 'one year' becomes that trigger. But fifty years is a lifetime... and it's hard to get over a lifetime. Well crafted, AC... Cheers... Gary...

  • Like 1
On 09/14/2015 06:36 AM, Lisa said:

The man seems so lost w/o Julio. Julio cooked for him, made his brewed coffee (yes, instant - ewww! My mom loved her instant Folgers (maybe b/c we never had a coffeemaker at home), and made him feel loved, safe and secure.

 

I had the impression the man just went through his daily life listless, lethargic - somewhat like a robot - did only what he had to do and nothing more. A year is not a long time to mourn. He had to go through some 'firsts' first: first Christmas (or Hanukkah!) alone, first birthday (his or Julio's) alone, first Thanksgiving alone, etc. It's horrible and depressing.

 

I feel the throbbing of his finger is a constant reminder of his love for his late husband. I really think if his finger didn't throb, he would be devastated and think of it as another loss. But as Addy said - fifty years with a throbbing finger!!! He's lucky it didn't turn gangrene and fall off from lack of circulation!

 

Terrific story, AC. I found it very sad, and my heart goes out to the man.

Thank you, Lisa, for the awesome review. Those 'firsts' you wrote about him having to go through alone are sobering to consider.

 

As for instant coffee, my dad was a Taster's Choice man all the way ;)

On 09/14/2015 06:40 AM, Headstall said:

You paint a perfect picture of apathy, AC. It's a sad and necessary one. He is still grieving and the motto for the life he leads could be 'What does it matter, now?'. The rain at the end tells me his loss has made him think the world is against him. I've been there a few times myself. Going through the motions are exhausting, and I felt it in his outlook. I think he needs to get angry, and find the trigger that will help him move on. I'd like to think 'one year' becomes that trigger. But fifty years is a lifetime... and it's hard to get over a lifetime. Well crafted, AC... Cheers... Gary...

Thanks Gary for a touching and personal review. A 'picture of apathy' is probably close to the mark of what I originally intended. It's true that he's stuck, but step by step, he is moving on if only in body and not spirit.

 

Thank you, Gary, for all of support and kind words for my work. I means a lot to me.


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