Burnt Dreams - 1. Burnt Dreams

Burnt Dreams

Maya held the phone in her hand, finger hovering over the last number, but then she threw it back on the desk. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. How could she call a client while Paul made such infernal noises in the kitchen, banging around pots and pans and slamming drawers shut? She sighed. Ever since the man had come back yesterday, he'd been in such a foul mood it equaled the weather outside. Fed up and determined to find out what had happened, she shoved the chair back and stalked over to the kitchen, already having a rough idea what was causing all the ruckus.

Paul always cooked or baked up a storm when something was bothering him, usually hot chili and, if it was really bad, chocolate cakes. She thought she could smell both.

This must be about the elusive Sam. It had finally happened. She cursed the day one of their waiters hadn't shown up for work and Paul had to fill in for him. The second she saw her brother returning and wearing that lopsided, dopey smile - she always called it Paul's smitten face - she had known he'd met someone.

Curious about his new crush she had instantly grilled him, but Paul had evaded her questions for the very first time. It might be a twin thing but, before Sam, Maya and Paul had always talked about their respective lovers, crushes, random guys they thought were worth their attention, whatever. When they met someone they would gush about them, as she put it, or discuss their assets, as Paul looked at it.

Not this time. This time when she'd asked Paul to share some details of who, where, or when, he had just smiled, put his finger on his lips, shaken his head and said he didn't want to jinx it. It had taken her three fucking weeks of poking and prodding until she'd got at least a name. Dr. Samuel Lieberthal.

Maya stomped along the narrow hallway, vividly reliving the frustration she'd felt back then.

The same night she'd finally wrest a name from Paul, she checked the mystery guy out: software developer, analyst, and a bunch of other things, a long list of recommendations. The photo, though, had been a surprise. He was not what Paul usually went for. Dark hair, high cheekbones, lips tugged up at the corners by a barely-there smile, but it was the eyes that had sucked her in. Soft, bronze, guarded eyes, surrounded by long, sooty lashes…okay she was exaggerating, ticking off too many stereotype boxes for dreamy guys with big fat green x's, but it was close.

Maya clenched her fists, the guy had been too perfect, she should have known there had to be a catch, there always was.

Reaching the door of their professional kitchen, she silently watched her brother, bent over the worktop, hacking tomatoes to a pulp. Paul didn't acknowledge her presence with words, but the brief stiffening of his body said he knew she was there.

She waited.

Finally he threw the knife into the sink, where it bounced around, banging loudly against the metal. "What?"

She crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. "You tell me."

Silence.

Maya walked over to him eventually, the heels of her shoes clicking on the tiles with every step. She leaned against one of the freezers, swiped some invisible lint first from her dark red suede pants, then from her white shirt. She could wait. She had never been a patient person but for her brother she could be that. Be patient.

The freezers hummed in the background, the chili on the stove bubbled quietly, and back in the office the phone rang.

Paul had turned his back to her again, scooping up the tomatoes and throwing them in the pot.

"The first thing I noticed about him was his voice."

Maya released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Paul was finally talking to her.

"Smooth, melodious, warm. I had to see the man who belonged to the voice, so I snuck into the conference room under the pretense of bringing fresh coffee. What I found was a dark haired guy in a charcoal grey three-piece-suit, matching shirt and a daring bright, blue-green necktie. Nothing special you might think, except for the tie maybe." A wistful smile appeared on Paul's lips.

"But you should have seen how he held the audience's attention with flashing eyes and animated hand gestures. No one was checking emails on their cell phones, writing texts, or doodling on the writing pads in front of them."

Paul wiped his hands clean before he took a spoon and stirred the chili. A timer dinged and he walked over to the oven, opened the door and pulled out a chocolate cake. After placing it carefully beside the two other cakes already sitting on the countertop, he went back to the stove.

"When people came out of the meeting they were in high spirits. Many congratulated Sam on his presentation, told him they were looking forward to working with the new program. They surrounded him like a pop star, and you would think he should have enjoyed their attention, but it was nothing like that. Outside the conference room he was a totally different man. Overwhelmed with the entire hubbub around his person, he interacted awkwardly with the office crowd, answering the more personal questions with three-word-sentences, at maximum. I felt the strange urge to protect him from them, take him away from their prying questions. I've never felt like this before."

Paul adjusted the heat of the stove and sighed.

"Finally Sam had enough, and fled to the buffet tables. Gnawing on his lower lip, hands shoved in his pants pockets, his back turned to the people, he stared at the food, emitting a clear, 'Piss off and let me the fuck alone already', vibe. If I wanted to talk to him, I needed a bribe and I knew just what that would be." Paul snorted. "I calmed down the beast with cookies."

Maya grinned. That was why Paul was such a successful cook. He always knew what people wanted, what their favorite food was; going with his instinct was what he did best.

"Sam didn't speak to me but I got this crooked half-smile..." Paul's voice hitched and he swallowed hard. "Then I almost blew it when I told him how I liked his tie and my fingers reached out almost on their own accord to trace one of those blue-green swirls."

Always the touchy-feely type with the grabby fingers, her brother.

"I thought I would get a 'What the fuck' or at least a glare, so you can imagine my surprise when I got a tentative smile and a murmured 'thank you' instead, before Sam turned around and left the room, the cookie still in his hand."

Finally, Paul turned around, pleading with his eyes for Maya's understanding.

"I couldn't tell you before because meeting Sam was different. I didn't want to analyze what I felt; I didn't know what I felt, all I did know was I wanted to get to know him better." He shook his head at himself. "I'm making no sense, huh?"

"You're making perfect sense to me."

"Anyway, I had this idea of 'Quick & Tasty' buzzing around my head for months, you know that. After learning what Sam did for a living, he was the first person that came into my mind, who I could ask to help us setting it up. Back then I doubted we could afford him but I had to seize this opportunity; it was a chance to see him again or at least talk to him more. Two weeks after the reception I called him. He remembered me immediately and seemed to be apprehensive at first but, when I explained that we wanted to set up an online recipe and delivery service and needed his expertise, he soon relaxed and agreed to see me."

Maya nodded. Everything had been a whirlwind of activity in the last months. Since they had discussed 'Quick & Tasty', put together a recipe databank with Sam's help, and placed the first ads, they hadn't been able to catch their breath.

"Who would have thought finding recipes and planning menus for other people as well as delivering the required ingredients would be such a sought after service, huh?" Maya still couldn't believe their success.

"Working with Sam, swapping ideas with him was great. He likes to cook, did you know that?"

Maya lifted her left eyebrow, saying 'How could I?'

"No, of course not." Paul briefly closed his eyes and shook his head at his own idiocy. "Well he does. Sam was so enthusiastic about the whole project. The gallery where clients can upload pictures of the food they cooked? It was his idea. He said people love bragging, and it would show future clients what they could accomplish with our help. It turned out he was right; it's one of the site’s best features, brings us tons of clients, more than the ads."

A lock of Maya's carefully coiffed short bob fell down the side of her face when she looked down, trying to hide her frown. She tucked the dark strand behind her ear, only to shake her head seconds later, so it was sticking up at an odd angle above her left ear. Irritated, she tugged it in place. God, how she wanted to know what had happened, speed up the talking but she knew she had to give Paul the time he needed, otherwise he would balk.

Still...

Narrowing her eyes she asked, "So what you’re telling me is you two connected over work? You got to know each other better, took the next step... and then what happened?" Her clipped tone betrayed her impatience.

Shit, shit, shit.

She watched her brother anxiously, waiting for him to shut himself off to her again, but he didn't seem to notice her slip-up.

"I wish. Every time I so much as hinted I'm interested in more than friendship with him, Sam got this guarded look on his face and immediately changed the subject. When I touched him in the most casual way, like you do during a conversation when you laugh about a joke or want to show the other something and grab his arm? His posture stiffened, he became almost cold. After that happened a few times I had learned my lesson and backed off and resigned myself to becoming only his friend. After all, there was no telling how he would react if I told him how I'd started to feel about him. I treasured our friendship, enjoyed spending time with him, and hoped it could be the first step for more in the future."

Maya had noticed there were deeper feelings, on Paul's side at least, and had watched him more closely over the last months but she hadn't been able to detect any signs his relationship with the unknown Sam had developed into anything more than friendship. Paul seemed to have respected Sam's reluctance.

So what the fuck happened?

"Did you talk to Sam about your feelings? Is that what happened? Did he reject you?"

"No."

He was driving her nuts. She really was trying to be patient but didn't know how much longer she could do that. She got a glass of ice water just to have something in her hands.

"I'd been wondering why Sam lived in a house that was way too big for one person. Beside the office, he only used two other rooms: a bedroom and the kitchen. The other rooms looked somewhat cleared out; you could see there had been more furniture at one time."

"What?" She couldn't believe he would be so stupid. "Paul. Are you telling me he had to sell some of his things because he needed the money, or that he had been living with someone and they moved out?" Maya knew she was getting loud but she didn't care.

Please... not this.

Paul ignored her outburst. "When I asked him all he said was he was looking for a house outside the city."

"And you let him get away with that? You didn't ask?" She put down her half-empty water glass with a loud bang.

"I didn't want to pry, seeing it was difficult for him to talk about it. I wanted to wait until he trusted me enough to tell me what happened. And eventually he did. The weekend I helped him with the move we sat down on the porch of his new house, drank some beer, and Sam told me the story."

Maya scoffed. "The very sad story of how he had to throw out his cheating wife and now is ready to get comforted by you?" She knew she wasn't being fair but the whole situation opened barely closed wounds, everything sounded too familiar.

He can't have made the same mistakes as me.

"Damn it, Maya! Only because this happened to you, doesn't mean that it is like this all the time! If you must know, it was the other way around. The asshole moved out while Sam had been on a business trip and he never so much as talked to Sam in person after that; every communication between them happened through the guy's attorney. Even the letter he left was from his attorney, stating Sam should move out as soon as possible so they could sell the house. Sam was devastated."

However, Maya didn't care, couldn't care. "What? Fuck, Paul, didn't you learn from my mistake? Dating a guy whose relationship had just broken up is bound to be a recipe for disaster. I-"

"Didn't you listen? Until he told me, I didn't know. And I didn't date him, because Sam didn't want that. I was his friend. We talked, we watched a movie together. I helped him with his move, baked his favorite cookies, and went with him to the animal shelter because he wanted a dog. We did ‘friend’ things."

"Well to me that sounds an awful lot like dating." Maya couldn't help it, although deep down, she knew she was being unfair; she was just projecting her bad experience and relating it to Paul's situation.

"For God's sake, Maya!" Paul yelled. "We were friends! Should I stop being his friend because he got dumped by an asshole?"

"No, you should have stopped because you were falling for him! Because you knew this could never work, because-"

Paul interrupted her. "As if you could simply stop caring Maya. I didn't know..." He shook his head. "...and even if I had known..."

Maya still couldn't stop. She knew she was overstepping her boundaries, but her mouth was faster than her brain. "So what happened then? Did he realize the whole rebound thing and tell you to fuck off, only in nicer words?"

"Damn. You're such a self-centered twat sometimes! Why do I even bother talking to you?!"

Finally her brain kicked in.

Fuck! Damage control.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I-you know this is a sore point for me, but... I'm really sorry. I-I had no right..."

Paul had turned his back to her again, he was trembling. After several more minutes of silence, Maya knew she had to do something; he was about to storm out of the room if she didn't. Walking over to him she touched his arm lightly. When he didn't pull back she asked gently, "What happened?"

Paul turned his head away, didn't look at her, and didn’t talk to her. Again her temper had gotten the better of her; she had fucked this up. Badly.

"Yesterday was Sam's birthday."

Relieved, Maya closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Oh?"

"During the last few weeks Sam and I did a lot of things together. He showed me a new antique store he found; he's obsessed with antique furniture since he inherited some from his great-aunt. This cherry wood wardrobe was a nightmare to move into the van. He even tried to talk me into getting a dog, so Merlin would have someone to play with. All these little things, the accidental touches, the brushing of hands while walking next to each other, the looks when you think the other doesn't notice? These were signs I had been waiting for. Actually, I was pretty sure it had finally happened that he had started to like me too. When I discovered his birthday was coming up, I thought a private, romantic dinner would be a good way to move things along. I cooked all his favorite food: roasted tomato soup, lasagna, asparagus, melon salad with garlic bread, and of course, tiramisu. I had it planned for days, prepared as much as I could here and then finished it at his house. Everything would be perfect. Sam didn't have any fancy china, tablecloths, and napkins; what he had belonged to his ex, so I brought everything with me to his place: crystal glasses, silver candlestick holders, and a single red rose." Paul's hands gripped the edge of the countertop so hard it must hurt his fingers. "I-I waited months, a-and I thought... I... The lingering pain in his eyes was gone these past few weeks, there was only warmth in there when he looked at me, at least I-I thought..."

Paul swallowed repeatedly, and Maya saw the effort it took him to keep his emotions under control. She pretended not to notice the single tear rolling down his cheek, because she knew he wouldn't want her to see him crying.

"I finished in time, and everything was looking perfect. Hearing his truck coming down the driveway was my cue to light the candles. Then I heard loud arguing from outside, and wondering what was going on, I went to look out the kitchen window. It was raining, but I could still make out that Sam wasn't alone; another car was parked behind his truck. One of those, the - weather - better - not - get - bad fancy-ass sports cars. The driver stood in front of Sam, it looked like he was pleading with him. Sam repeatedly shook his head and finally the guy took Sam by his shoulders. I registered that black woolen overcoat, those leather gloves, the dark suit pants and the Chelsea boots. I'd seen them before - in a photo Sam had shown me. It was Mark. Sam's ex. I slammed the matches down on the table, I was ready to storm out there and help Sam to get rid of the slime-bag, when Mark sank down on his knees, expensive pants and all. I only saw Mark's back, but I think he was crying. His shoulders shook, he pressed his face into Sam's body; he was falling apart kneeling in the mud outside Sam's lake house, while the rain came down in sheets.

"I thought 'good, serves him right', but then Sam touched his head, knelt down too, and wrapped his arms around him. Mark grabbed Sam's face with both hands and pressed his lips against Sam's and S-Sam let him." Paul swallowed.

"All those months I've waited for him... pined after him, thought he needed space, needed time, and I granted it to him because I understood... then that cheating sleaze-ball Mark comes back, cries some crocodile tears and... Fuck! Those signs I thought I saw? I must have imagined them. I cheated myself, how fucked up is that?"

Paul put a hand on his chest right over his heart and rubbed the spot unconsciously.

Maya couldn't stand it any longer. She pulled him against her body, Paul’s back to her chest. Paul struggled against her hold but Maya wouldn’t let him go. She took the hand still rubbing the spot over his heart in hers.

"What did you do?"

"Walked away while I still could. I quickly put away the second plate and glasses, let it look like I never meant to join him for his birthday dinner and then left the house through the backdoor as fast as I could. To not spoil the surprise, I'd parked the car away from the house. Some surprise...." He gave a brittle smile.

Maya wrapped her arms tighter around him.

"The rain was coming down hard by then and the wind had picked up. I hurried to the car, threw everything in the trunk... I think I broke some dishes." He paused. "I heard I should be happy I got out of there before the storm fully hit. They say some trees are blocking the road out of the lakeside properties now."

"Don't you think he'll wonder where you are? Why you didn't wait for him, eat with him?"

"I didn't think Maya, all I wanted was to get out, unseen, as fast as I could. I was so ashamed... how could I believe he was into me? How could I get it all wrong, blinding myself into thinking...?" The lump in Paul's throat kept him from talking after that.

"Sam didn't call yet? He must know you cooked for him."

"I left the phone in the car. He doesn't know the house number. And now with the storm in full force I doubt there is any reception at all anyway."

They stayed in each others arms for long minutes, until the incessant phone ringing annoyed Maya so much that she stormed into the office ready to yell at whoever was on the other side, client or not.

Thank you Lisa, Zombie, Jo Ann and Kitt.