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  • Shadowgod - Almost Home
  • Shadowgod - Almost Home
  • Shadowgod - Almost Home

Second Shot - 13. Chapter 13: Fall 'Out'

Have slipped up and let Jordan know he was gay, the word will be out in no time. Now it's time to deal with the consequences.

How the fuck could he be so stupid? Jordan? He outed himself in front of fucking Jordan! Pushing himself as if racing everyone for a ball, he tried to outrun what happened. It made no sense; he couldn’t escape what he said. Right now his emotions controlled him and they told him to run.

Down the path, the rapid slap of his shoes on concrete breaking an otherwise calm night. Somewhere up ahead the field house and soccer field marked the end of campus.

Jordan was going to tell his mother; the mouth that fucking gossiped. Rebecca Colmar would take great pleasure in telling everyone she knew Barbara’s beloved little angel was gay. Not just gay, but he had a male lover too.

One moment’s stupidity ruined his whole world. His body clenched in fear as an image of his mother, rage in her eyes, flashed into his mind. How could he be so stupid?

The field house was completely dark inside; only a few outside flood lights to tell him it was there. Abutting the large low building, the soccer field stood empty. He skirted the building, running across the vacant parking lot he used so often during soccer season.

Kiss being co-captain goodbye. The team too. Jordan would see to that. By Monday it would be all over campus, ‘Jordan Tellerman admits he is gay and in love with another man.’

The pounding of his feet on the hard pavement jarred his teeth, but he didn’t feel it. He wouldn’t have stopped even if he did. The need to get away, irrational as it was, propelled him blindly into the night.

The empty field loomed ahead. Dark and empty, just like his future. Once word got out, he would be ostracized from the team, his family, and his friends; everyone or everything that mattered to him would disappear.

Why the fuck did he do it? Was it worth it? Was being with Peter worth losing everything else?

Running toward the bleachers, he hopped the short fence separating the field from the stands. Faster, he told himself. Focusing his thoughts on running, he tried to push the consequence from his mind.

Was Peter worth it? That question refused to be silenced.

Slowing down, he sank to his knees. “YES!” He screamed. In a whisper he added, “He is worth it.”

Kneeling in the middle of the field, the field he knew so well, he let his emotions wash over him. Being with Peter had risks, he knew it the moment they kissed. But he was finally happy. Why did he have to be so stupid? How could he screw up so bad? All he had to do was keep it quiet and he could have continued to be happy.

“Jason!” He heard Darryl call out.

“Go away,” he whispered between gasps of air.

“Jason!” Darryl screamed again.

“Jason!” This voice was different. “Jason, it’s Peter. Where are you?”

“Go away, leave me alone!” His voice was not loud enough to be heard.

“GO AWAY!” He screamed. This was his problem, he needed time to deal with it. “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Still panting, he searched for an escape route. A twelve foot fence ringed the field. The only way out was the way he got in or over the high fence. Checking over his shoulder, he could see Darryl running hard toward the field. Peter was further back.

Slipping, he ran straight for the fence behind the far goal post. Beyond that lay a field, and a large wooded area. They wouldn’t find him there. Frazzled, he pushed himself to sprint away from his best friend. He could hear footsteps pounding closer. Darryl was pushing himself hard, breath hissing loudly with every step. Jason tried to run faster; hoping to reach the fence before his friend caught him. As Darryl drew closer, he looked over his shoulder, causing him to stumble. Three steps after getting up, Darryl locked him in a bear hug from behind.

“Jase, stop!” He yelled, gasping for air. “It’s me! Darryl.”

“Go away, D, just go away.” He couldn't find the strength to yell. “Didn't you hear what I did? You don’t want to be associated with me.”

Darryl spun him around. “JASON!” He shook his best friend. “Stop it.”

“Please just leave me alone.” He tried to break free, but Darryl’s grip was too strong.

“NO! I won’t!” Darryl yelled pulling him close. “You're my best friend, I'm not leaving.”

Jason’s knees gave out, forcing them both to the ground. Shaking uncontrollably, he clutched the thick turf. “D, what the fuck did I do? What did I do? I ruined everything.”

“You did the right thing Jase, just like you always do. You stood up for Peter and yourself. That’s tight man. It takes guts.”

Jason buried his head against Darryl jacket unable to look up. Despite sweating from the run, he couldn’t stop shivering.

“It’s not fair.” His voice was faint, tire with an edge of fear.

“What isn’t fair?”

Panting hard, Peter ran toward them, forcing Darryl to hold out his hand. Peter stopped while Darryl held onto Jason.

“It’s not fair,” he repeated.

“It’s okay, Jase, everything will be okay.” Darryl’s voice reminded him that not everyone was going to abandon him.

Jason laughed. “No it won’t and we both know it won’t. Barbara is gonna freak when this gets to her.”

“So?” Peter hovered at the edge, still out of sight while Darryl spoke. Giving Jason a smirk he had seen a thousand times before Darryl asked, “Isn’t being happy with someone worth it?”

“You’re right.” Jason sniffed hard. “You’re right. Peter is worth it.”

Darryl pushed him back so they could see each other. “He is, but he's worried about you too.”

“Where is he?” Jason forgot what was going to happen to him. Had Jordan attacked him again. “Is he okay?”

“I’m here.” Peter moved closer. “I couldn't catch you, so Darryl helped me.”

Darryl let go when Peter spoke. “It'll be okay.”

Jason wiped his face on his coat. “Thanks D. You're the best.”

“We're a team, Jase. Minger and Tellerman, Co-Captains.”

Jason gave him a rueful laugh. “That remains to be seen, but thanks.”

Jason held out his hand, but Darryl hugged him instead. “We're still cool bro. This changes nothing.”

“Thanks. I keep saying that a lot lately, but I really mean it.” Jason held his hand up. Darryl grabbed it and they bumped shoulders again.

“Always for you.” Darryl nodded to Peter. “I'm going back. See you two later.”

Slowly Peter walked over, still breathing hard. They watched Darryl trudge across the field before either spoke.

“Darryl said you can run like the wind and never stop.” Peter laughed, still winded from the run. “He wasn’t kidding. If you hadn’t stopped, we never would have caught you.”

“So much for being careful.” Jason tried to laugh, but almost cried instead.

“Where were you going?” Peter ignored Jason’s assessment of the situation. “I didn’t think we would catch up.”

“Nowhere,” Jason admitted. “Just away.”

Peter drew him into his arms, rubbing the back of his head. “I'm so sorry, Jase, really.”

Content to let Peter hold him, Jason tried to regain control. “What are you sorry for? All you did was make me happy.”

“You said this would happen if you kissed me and I pushed you to do it.” Peter pointed out. “I should've left you alone.”

“No!” Jason sniffed again. He took a step back so he could look Peter in the eye. “I didn’t want you to leave me alone.”

Peter tentatively reached out for Jason’s hand, almost as if he were afraid it would be slapped away. Jason jumped at first, surprised by the contact, then quickly reached out to grab the retreating hand.

“Still,” Peter wouldn’t look at Jason. “I kept saying we would be careful, it would be okay, take a chance. If I hadn’t done those things . . . .”

“I wouldn’t be with you.” Being this close to Peter again gave him the courage to face his fears. Yes he was scared shitless, but Peter was why he risked everything. “Do you know why I stopped running?”

“Got tired?” Peter joked. “No, I know that isn’t why. Tell me.”

“I asked myself if you were worth it. If you were worth outing myself.” Knowing Peter loved him pushed his fear back just enough that he could ignore the consequences he knew were coming. “When I realized the answer was, ‘yes,’ I stopped.”

“Is that the ‘yes’ I heard you yell?” Peter asked.

Nodding Jason turned toward him. He held up their entwined hands. “Yeah, I needed to remind myself this is worth it.”

“I'm here for you,” Peter smiled, but his eyes showed a sadness Jason hadn’t seen before. “Whatever you need.”

“What I need to do you can’t help me with.” Jason started to walk back. Each step brought him closer to the reality he tried to run from. “You said I should plan for the worst, get my damage control ready. It is time to roll that out.”

“What are you going to do?” Peter squeezed his hand.

“Go home and tell my parents before Rebecca Colmar’s big mouth does it first.” He couldn't keep the dread out of his voice. “Then go see Coach Slewman.”

“You think it's wise to press the issue so soon?” The anxiety in Peter’s face matched Jason’s feelings. “Maybe it would be better to let them come to you.”

“Not to be too jockish, but the best defense is to be on offense.” Jason wasn’t sure of anything except it wasn’t going to go away. “If I address it head on, show that I'm not hiding from it, maybe I can salvage the pieces of my life.”

“That sounds so dire,” Peter noted.

“My parents are not going to react well.” Jason was dead certain of their reaction. “Given the incident on the bus after our last game, being gay is still a problem for jocks. Myers thought it the worst insult to call me gay. That's ingrained in the culture of sports, I guess.”

“Change it.”

“Just like that?” Jason laughed at the absurdity that he could change the mind set of jocks overnight.

“Don’t quit. Don’t give them the option.” Peter spoke with such certainty Jason wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t.

Jason shook his head. “No, I can’t do that. We're a team. If my teammates don’t want to play with me, my trying to force the issue will only destroy the team.”

As painful as leaving would be, Jason knew they needed to be a team to succeed. If he wasn’t wanted, he wouldn’t stick around to ruin things.

“Try not to be a team player all the time. Think of yourself this time.”

“Pete, I love playing.” Thinking about having to quit hurt. “I love the sport, love the competition, love being part of a moment when we all work together and win. If I try to force myself where I'm not wanted, it would ruin everything.”

“Giving up will make you unhappy,” Peter countered.

“So would watching me bring everyone else down.” Jason knew he couldn’t stay if the team didn’t want him. “Better that it just be me and not the entire team.

Jason released of Peter’s hand so they could hop the fence. When they were both on the same side, Jason reached for it again. Squeezing, he said, “I once said I wanted to be able to hold hands and walk across campus,” he laughed sardonically. “At least I fulfilled that wish.”

“Jase, I really am sorry.” Under the glaring light, Peter’s face held the same regret as his voice. “I wish I could make it right.”

“Whatever happens, will happen.” Jason voice failed to convey the angst he felt. “It’s too late to take back what we did or what I said tonight. I need to deal with the fall out.”

“I admire that.” Peter smiled finally.

“Don’t admire me.” Proud was not how Jason felt about what happened. “I'm a coward who has no choice now but to stand and fight.”

“You're not a coward.” Peter put his left hand on their clasped ones. “It took courage to do what you did.”

Jason swallowed hard. “You give me too much credit. I didn’t mean to do it. Outing myself wasn’t the plan. Jordan made me so mad calling you names that it just happened.”

“It wouldn’t have happened if you were a coward at your core.” Peter kissed Jason’s hand.

“If I were truly courageous, I would have come out on my own terms and not just let it happen.” This was not how he expected things to go. Then again, he never really ‘envisioned’ himself telling anyone, it was more a vague idea than anything else. “I'm still scared shitless about what is going to happen.”

“It's frightening, I know,” Peter agreed.

“Yeah, I guess you would at that.” They both laughed. Holding hands, laughing together, the closeness he felt, reminded him why he didn’t want to lose Peter.

Peter stopped, forcing Jason to do the same. “Jase, what you did today means more to me than you know.”

“Huh?” Jason couldn’t read Peter’s face well enough to know what he meant.

“You could have denied I was your boyfriend, but you didn’t.” At first he looked down, but brought his head up so Jason could see his eyes. “I wouldn’t have been mad if you had, hell I would've told you to deny it if you asked me. Knowing I mean that much to you is an amazing feeling. I don’t know what else to say except I couldn’t love you any more than I do right now.”

Jason stared at him unsure what to say. After everything that happened, he was on the verge of tears. He wanted to say that was why he told Jordan, but he didn’t consciously do it to show his love for Peter. “Pete . . . .”

“Shush.” Peter put a finger to Jason’s lips. “I didn’t say that to get you to say anything back. It was probably wrong to bring it up, I mean you're stressed about outing yourself and I turn it back on me. But this feels so incredible, I wanted to you to know that.”

“Pete,” He put his free hand on Peter’s face. “I wish I could say I did this to show you how much I love you, but I didn't plan it. What he said made me so mad, it just happened.”

Releasing his hand from Jason’s, Peter pulled Jason close. “I know you didn’t plan it, but the fact you stood up to him for what he was saying about me is what matters. You couldn’t tell me you loved me any better.”

He leaned in, kissing Jason softly on the lips. It was different from the deep passionate kiss Jason experience when they first kissed. Unlike the raw desire of their first time, Jason could feel how much Peter loved him by the gentle but firm way Peter held his face. The touch of their lips filled him with a happiness he always wanted to feel.

When Peter stepped back, Jason realized he’d closed his eyes. Though there were tears running down Peter’s face, he looked as happy as Jason ever saw him before. He wanted to tell Peter how much he loved him, but thought anything he said would ruin the moment.

Instead he grabbed Peter’s hand and said, “Thanks. That made me feel better.”

Peter wiped his face with his sleeve, and laughed. “Me too.”

Pointing back toward the Student Union, Jason said, “I guess we should go find Darryl, Wendy and Molly.”

“Do you think they went home?”

“Let me see.” Jason pulled up Darryl’s contact information on his phone.

“Where u @ D?”

“Let’s keep walking.” Peter suggested, pulling Jason closer for support. “When are you going home?”

“Tomorrow,” Jason told him. “No sense putting it off. The longer I wait the more likely the ‘rents will hear about it from someone else.”

His phone vibrated. “Waiting @ S.U. 4 U 2.” He showed Peter the text.

“I suppose we shouldn't make them wait.” Peter didn’t sound like he wanted to go.

“Let me tell them we are on the way.” Jason quickly sent the message.

The run from his friends seemed an eternity ago by the time they made it back. Jason tried to free his hand, but Peter held it tight. “All in, remember.”

Jason smiled and nodded. “It is going to take some getting used to.”

“We have time.”

Darryl nodded at him as they approached.

“Sorry everyone.” Jason felt so embarrassed for running away like he did, he couldn’t look at Wendy. “Sorry for lying to you, sorry for not telling you, sorry for running off like a jerk, for everything.”

“It’s okay, Jason.” Wendy walked over to hug him. She then hugged Peter who looked stunned. “I'm sorry, Peter.”

“For what?” Peter looked to everyone for some clue as to what she meant.

“I, um well, I was suspicious of you,” she said. “I didn’t realize Jason was trying to let us get to know you. I thought you were pushing your way into our lives to get to Jason. Just like Jordan suggested.”

“No he wasn’t. It was my idea for us all to be friends.” Jason laughed and shook his head. “In my fucking brilliance I thought it would make it easier for me to hide our relationship.”

“Why did you want to hide it?” Molly asked.

“It’s complicated.” Feeling Peter squeeze his hand, he quickly added, “Or it was complicated.”

Rather than stand in front of the empty student union, they continued walking to Wendy’s dorm. No one said anything allowing Jason to reflect on what his impromptu coming out party accomplished.

He didn’t care Wendy and Molly knew, but Jordan was different. The look on his face told Jason all he needed to know; Jordan was pissed and Jason was going to pay. By morning it would be all over campus.

“Jason.” Wendy’s voice broke the silence. “We're going to get through this. It'll be fine.”

“No, Wendy.” He shook his head for emphasis. “It won’t be fine. I might get through it, but it won’t be fine. This didn’t work out the way it should have. I let Jordan dictate how and when I come out.”

“I just meant us,” Wendy corrected. “We're going to be fine.”

Jason felt his face break into a smile. For the first time in a while he was not worried about how to interact with her. He reached out for her, “Thanks, Wendy.”

Wrapping her arms around him, she squeezed him tight.

“Tonight was really fun,” he said with a snort. “Should we do it again soon?”

Everyone but Jason and Peter laughed.

“You okay J.T.?” Wendy used her old nickname for him.

“Ask me tomorrow night,” he said.

“Why then?” Darryl asked before Wendy could.

“I'm going home tomorrow morning to talk to Royce and Barbara.” Just saying it filled him with a sense of dread.

“Already?” Wendy didn’t sound like she thought it was a good idea.

“Two words for you.” Jason made a face. “Rebecca Colmar. She will delight in pointing out what a horrible thing I am to anyone she thinks might say something to my mom.”

“You’re right,” Wendy agreed. “She's such a bitch; just like her son.”

Jason looked at Darryl. “You were right all along bro.”

“Jase, now is not the time to say I told you so,” Darryl told him. “Right now we need to be sure you're doing okay.”

Looking at Peter for support, he said, “Right this minute, yes I am. The hard part is tomorrow and Sunday.

“What’s Sunday?” Darryl eyed him suspiciously.

“By this time tomorrow the entire campus will know about me.” Jason rehashed the conversation he had with Peter. He still believed he needed to tell the team and step aside if necessary. “Jordan will see to that. I need to talk to Coach and see if I still have a place on the team. I'm not even going to think about being co-captain anymore.”

“Why would you be off the team? You’re gay.” Wendy practically choked saying the ‘g’ word. “You didn’t do anything wrong. He can’t kick you off the team.”

“If I'm not welcome, I won’t bring the team down.”

“You're welcome,” Darryl insisted. “Your being gay changes nothing.”

“I think we need to let the team decide that D. You're just one vote among twenty.”

“No Tellerman, no Minger.” Darryl’s voice told Jason this was not a matter for debate.

“No way, D.” Jason shook his head violently. “No way you quit over this.”

“It’s my choice Jason, not yours,” he reminded his friend. “There is nothing wrong with you. If they can’t accept that, why do I want to be a part of that?”

“Darryl, we can talk about this later.” Jason had enough to worry about without adding his best friend quitting the team. “Please don’t quit over me. The only reason I would leave is because I want the team to do well. If they lose you it will really hurt them.”

“Bullshit!” Jason flinched when Darryl cursed at him. “Without you, we have no chance next year. Anyone with half a brain knows that.”

“If I'm a distraction, we won’t have a chance either,” he said. “If the team doesn’t want me, my leaving allows you and the rest of the guys a chance to gel. The team will survive without me.”

“I won’t survive without you,” Darryl said softly.

“Let it go D,” he pleaded. “Don’t make it worse. I don’t want people hating me for gutting the team if you leave too.”

“If they don’t want to gut the team, they need to not be assholes to you.” Darryl’s anger didn’t surprise Jason. They had been best friends long enough for Jason to know how loyal they were to each other. “Look Jase, just like you leaving will be your choice, my leaving will be mine. We both accepted here so we could play together. Nothing's changed.”

“Maybe this conversation is premature,” Peter suggested. “Don’t sell your teammates short. They might surprise you.”

“Listen to the man.” Darryl pointed to Peter. “Have some faith in the guys.”

“You're right,” Jason agreed, squeezing Peter’s hand again for support. “Mind fucking this won’t change what happens. My parents on the other hand are a different story. And on that note, here we are ladies.”

“If you need to talk Jason, call me,” Wendy offered, hugging him again. “Seriously.”

“I will.” He kissed her cheek. “I can’t tell you how glad I am we're still good. You and Darryl are the two friends I couldn't stand to lose.”

“And you won’t.” She laughed. Jason could see she was hurting so he let go of Peter’s hand.

“Come here.” He opened his arms. Pulling her close, he whispered in her ear. “I'm so sorry for this. I'm not near as stupid as I seemed this past year. Now at least you know why.”

Wendy clutched him tight. “I get that now,” she said through her tears. “It still hurts, but at least I know the truth.”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it I know, but I really am,” he said. “We can talk when I get back.”

“Sure thing Jason.” She wiped her eyes. “I'll call tomorrow just to be sure you are okay.”

“Good night Wendy, Molly,” he said.

When the girls went inside, Darryl turned to Peter and Jason. “So, what’s up with you two for the rest of the night?”

“Need the place to yourself?” Jason stifled a laugh.

“Actually, I was wondering if I need to make myself scarce for you two,” Darryl offered.

Jason and Peter exchanged looks. “No need for you to leave.” Peter answered for the two of them. “I have my own place, remember? But it doesn’t bother me knowing you're there. Unless you meant it would bother you.”

“As long as I don’t have to watch, I'm fine.” Darryl smirked. “I can put on music if you two are screamers.”

“Screamers?” Peter turned to Jason for an explanation.

“That was a polite way for D to ask if we are loud during sex.” Jason rolled his eyes.

“It depends.” Peter arched his eyebrow. “Just don’t ask us to explain what it depends on.”

Darryl laughed at this. “No worries, I don’t need to know.”

“In answer to your question,” Jason changed topics, “I need to call my brother first. Then we can decide whose place we're staying at tonight.”

“We're spending the night together?” Peter asked in mock surprise.

“I thought so.” Jason wondered if he said something wrong.

“Sorry, I don’t recall us having that discussion.” Peter winked at Darryl. “Not that I object, mind you. I just thought I should have a say in the matter.”

“I guess I just presumed we would, you know, now that we're not trying to hide it.” Jason struggled to find the right way to apologize.

“Jase,” Darryl interrupted. “He's just messing with you.”

“I am.” Peter kissed his cheek. “But I think you're still a bit upset about what happened tonight.”

“Yeah, I am,” he replied. “But it's tomorrow that has me stressed out.”

 

Sitting together on his bed, Jason kept looking over to be sure Peter was really there. In the week since he told Darryl, Peter had yet to spent the night.

“What?” Peter asked after Jason did it again.

“Nothing.” Jason felt ready to crash. “I just can’t believe we're sitting on my bed, in my apartment, with the door open and Darryl around.”

“Score one good thing about coming out.” He rubbed Jason’s thigh gently.

Jason let himself enjoy the moment, despite his turmoil. “I can think of a couple other good things.”

“Don’t you need to text your brother?” Peter said, changing topics.

“Yeah I'm finishing it now.” Jason hit the send button. Putting the phone down, he put his head on Peter’s chest. “I can’t believe how stupid I am.”

“Jase,” Peter began running his hand through Jason’s hair, “so far your two best friends are cool. That's more than you hoped for.”

He felt so comfortable it was easy to forget what he did an hour ago. This, sitting with Peter, felt so right, why did it have to be so hard?

“True,” Jason agreed. “Though I guess my hope is that everyone will be cool with it.”

“Hope for the best.” Peter kissed the top of Jason’s head.

The phone rang and a picture of Dean acting goofy flashed across his screen. Plugging his ear piece in, Jason connected the call.

“Hey Dean.” He tried to sound upbeat. “You’re up late.”

“It’s Friday night,” Dean protested. “Soccer's over so I don’t have to get up.”

“That’s cool.” Jason stalled when he tried to say more.

“So what did you need to talk about?” Leave it to Dean to cut to the chase. “You never call me like this.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jason felt guilty doing this to his younger brother; not for telling him, but for doing it over the phone. He needed to be sure, however, Dead heard it from him. “This is kinda important.”

“What’s up?” Dean didn’t sound too concerned which was good.

“I need to come home tomorrow and talk to mom and dad.” He realized he was talking around what he really wanted to say. “But I wanted to tell you first, in case you hear it from someone else.”

“Dude, did you get busted?” Dean sounded slightly scandalized.

“No, but it might be easier to deal with mom and dad if I had.” Why was it so damn hard to tell his brother?

“Holy shit,” Dean swore. “What’s worse than that?”

“How about I'm gay, Jordan found out and is going to tell everyone including his mom?” Jason rattled it off so fast he wasn’t sure Dean heard him. When his brother was silent, he knew Dean heard enough.

“Seriously, Jase?” Jason couldn't determine what Dean was feeling from his voice.

“Yeah, I'm serious.” Jason almost added, ‘wish I could say I wasn’t’ but with Peter still stroking his head that would have been wrong.

“What, I mean how, Christ.” Dean sounded flustered now.

“I've known for years but I tried to make it go away, hide it, pretend it wasn’t true.” How much should he tell Dean, he wondered?

“But,” Dean was having trouble so Jason kept quiet. “You had girlfriends, some were pretty hot too.”

“Like I said, I tried to make it go away.”

“But aren’t you born gay?” Dean asked. “I mean, either you are or you aren’t right?”

Jason laughed, “You’re right.”

“So why now?” Dean’s serious tone surprised him.

“I met someone I like a lot.” Jason looked at Peter as he spoke. “Jordan was calling him a fag so I got in Jordan’s face. It sort of came out before I could think about what I was saying.”

“You . . . you have a boyfriend?”

Hearing the incredulous way his brother asked the question made Jason feel terrible. “Dean, I'm sorry. I wasn’t trying to weird you out. I just didn’t want you to hear it from someone else. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, I’m serious,” Dean said. “I'm not upset. Surprised. I had no idea.”

Doubt filled Jason the more Dean spoke. Was he right to tell his brother? Christ he was only 16, this was a lot to dump on a kid trying to deal with his own issues. No, this was the right thing to do. Not only did he need to tell Dean, he needed to be patient and answer any questions he had.

“That was the goal.” Jason laughed. “I didn’t want anyone to know, not even you.”

“So Jordan knows and you told him?” Dean recapped.

“Basically.” Jason still couldn't believe he did that. “I sure as hell never meant to. How much you want to bet Mrs. Colmar goes around telling anyone she can about me? She is always trying to brag about Jordan whenever he does the smallest thing. Oh Jordan got a B in school, Jordan joined a fraternity, Jordan wiped his ass without me.”

Peter snickered as Jason mocked Jordan and his mom.

“Now that she has something to rub in mom’s face you know she will,” Jason said.

“Yeah,” Dean paused for a moment. “Are you alone?”

Damn, he must have heard Peter laugh. “No, I'm not.”

“Where are you?” He asked suspiciously.

Fuck! He mouthed. “In my apartment, in my room.”

“Is . . . he . . . is he with you now?” It didn't sound like Dean wanted to hear the answer.

“Yes, Dean,” Jason said slowly. “His name's Peter and he's here with me now.”

“I see.” Dean stopped talking.

“You okay, little brother?” Jason was really concerned he made a mistake. “You can ask me anything you like. Whatever you want to know I'll tell you. Well almost anything.”

This got a laugh from his brother. “Yeah, I'm okay. I just never saw this coming so I'm sorta stunned, you know?”

“Sorry Dean, sorry for so many things.” Jason’s heart skipped a beat. Of all the people in the world he didn’t want to hurt, Dean was top of the list, above his mom, dad, Darryl, even Peter right now. He always felt it his duty to take care of Dean, watch over him, protect him.

“Jase, what are you sorry about?”

“Sorry to have to tell you this, that I'm a disappointment to you, that I'm not the brother you thought I was or wanted.” Jason knew Peter was right there, but this was his brother and he needed to be honest with him.

“What're you talking about?” His voice raised, Dean sounded mad. “I never said any of those things. It's just a shock, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Jason agreed.

“Mom is gonna freak.” Dean’s assessment of their mother matched his, adding to Jason’s angst. “Are you sure you want to come home to tell her?”

Jason shook his head. “Do I want to tell her? Fuck no, but can you imagine what will happen if one of those stupid country club ladies walks up and says, ‘Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry to hear your son Jason is gay. It must be a terrible shock to you and Roy’ or something like that.”

Dean laughed like he really thought something was funny for the first time since they began to talking. “Yeah, she would die of embarrassment. And if she didn’t, she would kill you when she got home. But I mean why not do it over the phone? Has to be better than doing it in person.”

“Easier, but not better,” Jason pointed out. “If I tried to do it over the phone, she will insist I come home.”

“Yeah, probably true,” Dean conceded. “You sure you’re . . . .”

“Gay?” Jason completed the sentence his brother couldn't. “You can say it Dean. And yes, I'm sure I'm gay.”

“Wow, sorry,” Dean said sincerely.

Great, his brother felt sorry for him that he was gay. What a banner fucking day this was.

“Oh shit Jase, that came out so fucking wrong,” Dean added quickly. “I just meant, it’s a surprise and I'm sorry you are dealing with this.”

“It’s cool.” Nothing his brother said was going to upset him worse than what he already did to himself. “What I want to know is if we're still good?”

“Us?” He could hear the disappointment in his brother’s voice. “Us?” Dean repeated.

“Yeah, us. Are we still cool, or would you rather I not come around?” Jason’s heart felt like it stopped beating as he waited to hear his brother’s answer. Any doubt in his voice would cut worse than almost anything.

“Bro, how can you ask that?” Now Dean was upset. “I said I was surprised not mad, disappointed or nothing. Of course we're good, why would you think we weren’t?”

“Sorry, but you have no idea how scared I am about this.” An enormous wave of relief washed over him. “Some people matter to me way more than others. You especially.”

“One less thing to worry about,” Dean told him. “I'm sorry it scares you though. I can’t imagine.”

Jason finally smiled. “Sorry I doubted you. I should have known better.”

“It’s cool Jase; we’re cool,” Dean repeated.

He felt a bit of shame for doubting his brother. “I love you, Dean. Thanks for being there for me.”

“Love you too bro, still and always.” If he felt awkward telling Jason he loved him, it didn’t show in Dean’s voice. “I'll be there if you want when you tell mom and dad.”

“You don’t need to do that.” Jason knew Dean only wanted to be there for support, not to gloat. “No reason both of us need to be in the direct path of Hurricane Barbara when she goes off on me.”

“It's my turn to be there to support you,” Dean said emphatically

Jason smiled. “Thanks. It’s pretty awesome for you to offer.”

“When do you think you'll get here?” Dean changed subject.

Looking at the clock he tried to calculate what time he would make it home. “Hopefully before lunch. Depends on how late I'm up.”

Peter quietly kissed the top of his head.

“Ok.” Dean missed the hidden innuendo in Jason’s remark. “I'll make sure to be home.”

“You don’t need to, you know.” He offered his younger brother another chance to make himself scarce.

“Yeah I do. I need to be here for you,” he said. “It’s what we do for each other. I learned that from my big brother.”

Jason had a lump in his throat that wouldn’t go down. Finally he managed to say, “Thanks, Dean.”

“You bet, Jase.”

“Let me go.” Jason could feel himself falling asleep. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“You bet,” he repeated.

Jason hung up, still amazed at his brother.

“That sounded like it went well.” Peter pulled Jason down to hug him.

“Yeah better than well.” Thinking of his brother’s reaction made him smile.

After a couple minutes, Jason could feel himself drifting off. “Do you mind if we stay here? I'm so drained it's not funny.”

“Sure Jase.” Peter stroked his head. “It’s cool.”

Next up Hurricane Barbara - How will mom take the news?
Copyright © 2011 Andrew Q Gordon; All Rights Reserved.
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Chapter Comments

Dean's reaction was pretty much the same as my own younger brother's reaction; "are you sure you are gay?", "yes I am sure".

 

As to how Jason is going to tell his mom, maybe it would have been better doing it over the phone. Then again, maybe he could have just worn a pink shirt and some guyliner; that way he could really shock her.

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On 05/07/2011 11:17 AM, TrevorTime said:
Dean's reaction was pretty much the same as my own younger brother's reaction; "are you sure you are gay?", "yes I am sure".

 

As to how Jason is going to tell his mom, maybe it would have been better doing it over the phone. Then again, maybe he could have just worn a pink shirt and some guyliner; that way he could really shock her.

Think of it this way, doing it over the phone is easier to just yell and posture but nothing gets resolved properly. Then again, this didn't get resolved to well either.
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Barabara is the reason Jason didn't come out. She had the chance to step up and be the mother she should be but failed. Even when our children do something we dont like or disagree with they are still your kid and need you.

 

She proved all his worst fears. Jason's dad is awesome!

 

 

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On 06/20/2011 12:17 AM, K.C. said:
Barabara is the reason Jason didn't come out. She had the chance to step up and be the mother she should be but failed. Even when our children do something we dont like or disagree with they are still your kid and need you.

 

She proved all his worst fears. Jason's dad is awesome!

 

Momma T is a problem. She has trouble seeing beyond her own social standing. Perfect families have perfect kids. Never met a mom like that before? Dad is a bit more grounded. His boys are his life, not his standing. I have someone in mind as my inspiration for Royce - made sure to wish him a happy FD today too 0:)
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Well most mothers I would hope already have an inkling, but of course not the homophobic ones. I'm hoping for the best, expecting the worst. I'm glad he's had a good friendship network to help him out. He'll need that support.

 

I love how you've written this with the reactions being natural. Wendy isn't fawning all over him and completely happy about it or relieved because she has a reason now. That's the normal way to react. So many stories have the opposite reaction and it's just not realistic. Rejection hurts even when you know it's not about you.

 

Peter is amazing, but he really needs to get a handle on his self-esteem issues. That constant berating gets to be very unattractive. The fact that he can't take a single compliment without turning it into an insult would drive me insane.

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On 06/28/2011 03:01 AM, Chey_D said:
Well most mothers I would hope already have an inkling, but of course not the homophobic ones. I'm hoping for the best, expecting the worst. I'm glad he's had a good friendship network to help him out. He'll need that support.

 

I love how you've written this with the reactions being natural. Wendy isn't fawning all over him and completely happy about it or relieved because she has a reason now. That's the normal way to react. So many stories have the opposite reaction and it's just not realistic. Rejection hurts even when you know it's not about you.

 

Peter is amazing, but he really needs to get a handle on his self-esteem issues. That constant berating gets to be very unattractive. The fact that he can't take a single compliment without turning it into an insult would drive me insane.

My mom asked me if I was sure because she didn't think I was and then with the next breath, she told me she always knew. Mom's even homophobic ones - and I don't know that Mrs. T is homophobic, just doesn't want her kid to be one :P [Yeah yeah, I know just kidding] -- I really did try to make things realistic, I didn't want them to easy to silly too pat, to fantastical, glad I succeeded along the way. As for Peter, well ... there's a chapter later that sort of explain why he has no self confidence, or at least alludes to it, we can discuss this again when you read that :)
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Yay, Dean--a cool bro. :)

 

haha, maybe all guys that start with D will be cool with it. Darryl. Dean. Who knows, maybe Dad will be good with it too?

Actually, I do know, LOL :P

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On 07/06/2011 07:07 AM, AnytaSunday said:
Yay, Dean--a cool bro. :)

 

haha, maybe all guys that start with D will be cool with it. Darryl. Dean. Who knows, maybe Dad will be good with it too?

Actually, I do know, LOL :P

Yeah but Dad isn't his name, it's a title :) -- I think the younger set is way more apt to just shrug and go - okay and? Especially brothers who are close. That's my take and I'm sticking to it :)
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On 03/01/2012 12:13 PM, Dave68 said:
Yeh loved this chapter still hitting every emotional spot in my being
Thanks for the comments, some chapters were harder to write than others, mainly because trying to get the emotions right is sometimes difficult for me. Glad to hear I got it right in this chapter :)
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