Second Shot - 15. Chapter 15: After the Storm

Jason and Dean spent the afternoon roaming the nearby mall. For dinner they hit Outback Steakhouse so Dean could, ‘eat a cow.’ Watching Dean finish the biggest steak he’d ever seen made Jason slightly queasy. Or maybe it was the greasy Bloomin Onion they shared. Then again, maybe it his mother’s reaction caused it. Probably all three, he decided.

Peter already gave him crap about eating that much grease, but as Jason explained, that was what he and Dean did when they went to Outback. Given the state of his stomach, he should have listened to Peter.

His mother never acknowledged him when he got back, not even her usual, ‘drive safe.’ Ice cubes felt warmer. She never came down, so Jason said goodbye to Dean and his dad before leaving.

Not much different from what he expected, he thought, walking up to Wendy’s door. Barley, the 80 pound Lab mix barked when he rang the bell. When the door opened, Wendy’s fifteen year old brother stood, smiling.

“Dude, you are the topic of conversation all over today,” Kenny said. Barley kept swatting him with a paw until Jason bent down to played with the tan dog.

Jason couldn’t tell what to make of Kenny’s remark. He thought they always got on fine. For a kid brother, Kenny bugged Wendy more than Jason. Kenny reminded Jason of Dean, always a good comparison for him. Rather than ask, he let it go.

“Yeah, I heard.” He pulled the door shut once Barley finally ran inside. “Nothing I can do about it now.”

“How’s Dean doing?” Kenny and his brother were friendly, if not good friends.

“You know him. Nothing bugs him except the loss of his car and being benched.”

“That’s Deano.”

“We are still tight, if that is what you mean.” Jason couldn’t stop the smile when he remembered how his brother was there for him. “Doesn’t matter to him.”

“Why would it?” That answered Jason’s earlier question.

“Um, well . . . it shouldn’t, but, you know.” Jason left the rest unsaid. He followed Kenny inside, stopping to peer in the living room. Jason hadn’t been inside Wendy’s house since Christmas. Now that the tree was down, he could see the addition to the house her father worked on for the last year. “The new room looks good.”

“Thanks.” Wendy walked in from the kitchen. “Kenny and dad finished it last weekend.”

“Man’s work.” Kenny laughed. He stopped when he saw Wendy’s face. “What?”

Wendy motioned toward Jason with her eyes. “Geez, Wendy,” he groaned, “I’m gay, not Tinker Bell.”

Kenny laughed as his sister began smacking Jason repeatedly.

“Jason! Stop calling him that.”

“What?” He tried to get away. “I wasn’t referring to Brian. You must think of him that way too, if you thought I was talking about him.”

“Stop!” She hit him again.

Still laughing, Kenny walked away. “Later J.T.”

“See ya, Kenny.” Jason waved between trying to duck Wendy’s attack.

When she stopped slapping him, Jason gave her a hug. “Ready to go?”

“Some say hi to Mom and Dad while I get my stuff.” She escorted him into the kitchen where her parents were cleaning up from dinner.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Herbert.”

“Hello Jason.” Mrs. Herbert quickly dried her hands. “How are you dear?”

“Had better visits,” he said. If Kenny knew, they knew. No sense avoiding it now. “But otherwise good. The house looks great.”

“We could have used you.” Mr. Herbert smiled, offering a thick hand in greeting. A few inches shorter than Jason, his hair was almost as gray as it was black. A truck driver, he traveled often and wasn’t always there when Jason visited. He’d even missed a Christmas a few years ago. “Your added height would have been handy on the high stuff.”

Accepting the offered hand, Jason said, “I assume you managed fine without me.”

“Are you hungry dear?” Mrs. Herbert asked.

If his mom was always put together and proper, Wendy’s mom always looked comfortable. The large sweatshirt she wore hid the few extra pounds she always complained about whenever he brought over food. She had the same fair complexion and blonde, almost reddish blonde hair as her daughter. Unlike his mother, Mrs. Herbert didn’t dye her hair; ‘gray hair was a badge of honor; you only went gray if you lived long enough,’ she told him.

“Ugh.” He clutched his stomach. “No. I took Dean to dinner, so my parents . . .,” he wasn’t sure what to say, “. . . could talk about me. Dean picked Outback Steakhouse.”

“Outback rules!” Kenny shouted from the back room, making everyone laugh.

“Anyway, between the greasy onion, steak and well,” he shrugged to hide his embarrassment, “I feel somewhat stomach sick.”

“Things didn’t go so well at home?” She quickly added, “Wendy said you were concerned.”

“My dad was good.” He left out how surprised that made him. “Better than good, actually. He isn’t happy about it, but it seemed more about how it will affect me and my life more than me being gay.”

Mrs. Herbert smiled, prompting Jason to quickly add, “Mom, however, all but disowned me. Given how she stormed out of the room and hasn't spoken to me since, maybe she has already.”

Saying it felt like salt in a wound. He didn’t want to accept it, even if it was unlikely he could repair the damage. Jordan got his wish. He wanted to hurt Jason and he succeeded.

“Things will get better, Jason.” She cupped his cheeks. “Parents always come around with time.”

“Thanks.” He couldn’t keep his feeling from showing. His mother was unlikely to come around. Bad enough he was gay, but the worst sin was the embarrassment of having everyone know. She would never forgive that.

Wendy came down the stairs. “Ready, Jase?”

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

“Sweetie,” Mrs. Herbert grabbed his hand, “don’t worry. Your mom loves you, this is just hard for her.”

“I know.” Actually he didn’t. Right then, he didn’t know his mother loved him. If she did, how could she do what she did? “But I know how she is. Not only am I gay, I embarrassed her in front of her friends.”

Mrs. Herbert frowned. “I can’t believe she would be embarrassed by you.”

Her face told Jason she knew exactly what he meant.

“Jason,” Mr. Herbert held out his hand, “nice to see you again. You are welcome here any time. We are not embarrassed by you.”

Jason saw Mrs. Herbert scowl at her husband who looked confused.

“Thank you, sir.” He shook hands again. “I appreciate it.”

****

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Wendy asked once they left her driveway.

“Not really.” He shifted gears harder than he planned.

“You sure?” Wendy put a hand on his arm. “From what you said to my mom, I know it didn’t go well.”

“It’s fine,” he lied. “Royce isn’t cutting me off, so I am set.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I get to finish school.”

“That’s it?” She was still not letting go.

“What? Do you want me to admit my mother hates me? Fine, she does.” His knuckles whitened on the steering wheel. He refused to let anyone, not even Wendy, see how much it really bothered him. “In her mind, she wishes Dean were an only child.”

“No she doesn’t,”

“Really?” he snorted. “Wanna see the frostbite I got being next to her? Trust me, that is one bridge that will never get rebuilt.”

“You’re over exaggerating, Jason.”

Snorting again, he shook his head. Clearly she didn’t know his mother that well. “You weren’t there.”

Silence followed as he pulled onto the highway. Staring straight ahead, he could feel Wendy’s eye on him. Talking about his mother’s reaction left him confused. Part of him was sad, he always tried to be a good son for her, to make her proud. Losing her like this left him on the verge of tears.

Then anger took over. She turned her back on him for something he didn’t control. How could she blame him? Like he wanted this.

“But,” he said finally, “it’s not all bad. Dad won’t cut me off, so I can finish school. After that, who knows? Dean and I are still good, so I am not totally abandoned.”

“You make it sound so dire,” she said.

“C’mon Wendy.” He finally glanced over at her. “You know what my mom is like. My name shall never pass her lips again in public; ever. As you always point out, Shangri-La on the Susquehanna doesn’t have anything but perfect families. Perfect families don’t have gay sons. And my mother is queen of social Shangri-La. This was, is a HUGE embarrassment for the Queen.”

Wendy didn’t respond. Jason didn’t expect her to. As much as she teased him for being a little rich boy, she knew Barbara was worse. She expected, no demanded her family be perfect. Whatever might detract from that was kept hidden from outside eyes.

“Sorry, Wendy,” he broke the awkward silence. “This is not your fault. I shouldn't take it out on you.”

“Don’t apologize,” she told him. “This must be tough for you.”

“That’s one word you could use.” Noticing his speed, he eased back on the gas. Getting a ticket wouldn’t make him feel better.

“Are you meeting Peter when you get back?” Her attempt to change topic was not lost on him.

“Not sure. I am not really in the mood to be around anyone. Maybe I will just go to sleep and see if he is free tomorrow.” Seeing Peter would make him feel better, but it would also stop him from processing the day’s events. Sorting that out was important, especially if Coach Slewman agreed to meet him tomorrow.

“It’s Saturday night,” she reminded him. “Go out and have fun.”

“Having fun and being with me don’t match tonight,” he joked to cover his mood. “But I told him I would call when I get back, so maybe.”

“He is a good guy, Jason,” she said softly.

“Really?” Did she just say she liked him? “You like Peter?”

“Putting aside my feelings of jealousy,” she stared ahead as she spoke. “Yes, I like him. He is so like you in some ways and your polar opposite in others. It’s a good combination. He is a decent guy. You did good.”

“Sorry, Wendy.” She brought up her feeling for him and he wanted to address it. “I have said this before, but I am sorry about us. I knew you liked me, I am really not that dense.”

“That’s good, because there were times I thought you were.” She kept her eyes down, avoiding his glances.

“I tried the best I could to not lead you on.” He knew he could really blow it, if he said the wrong thing. “You are my best friend after Darryl. It was tough trying to balance not pushing you away totally and not encouraging anything romantic.”

“Jase.” She sounded on the verge of tears.

‘Fuck, another brilliant job,’ he thought. Maybe he really ought to lock himself in his room for a decade or two.

“I understand.” Her voice was more firm. “I do now, at least. But I really had, have strong feelings. I can’t just turn those off.”

“I can keep a low profile,” he offered quickly.

“Do that and I will hunt you down.” Her laugh sounded forced. “We are still friends. This is my issue to deal with, not yours.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to make you feel worse.”

“How about this,” she said, “if I need a break, I will tell you.”

Jason nodded. “I can live with that. So can I ask you a Peter question?”

He hoped it was okay to return to Peter.

“Sure.” The laugh she gave him told Jason it was okay.

“Do you think he is as hot as I do?” His words tumbled out. She was the first person he asked for an opinion on Peter. “I mean I can’t ask Darryl, so I need an objective opinion.”

Wendy didn’t answer right away, giving him a moment’s pause. “You are so gonna kill me, but that is almost exactly what Brian does every time he finds a new boyfriend.”

Jason bit back a sarcastic remark. “That didn’t answer my question.”

He flashed her a grin before turning onto the interstate.

“Do I have to be honest?” Her question was like a punch in the gut.

“Um yeah. What good is a dishonest opinion?”

“He is really cute” she said. “Too skinny for my tastes, but if you go for that lean wiry look, he is hot.”

“You should see his chest.” Jason knew he turned bright red, but he was excited talking about this.

“Oh really?” she asked suggestively. “Tell on.”

“I just love running my hands over his hairy chest.” He tried not to sound too stupid. “You might think he is skinny, but he is so ripped. I am jealous.”

“Really?” Her question left him unsure what she referred to.

“Really, what?”

“You’re jealous?” she clarified. “I mean, as often as you pull your jersey over your head after a game, I know what your body looks like. He must be something to make you jealous.”

This made him even more self-conscious than when he started. “I am going to need to watch what I say around you. You are going to make me turn red all the time.”

“Doesn’t answer my question, J.T.” Reverting to his old nickname further embarrassed him.

“Totally jealous,” he confirmed. “That and he has chest hair. I am doomed to never grow any.”

“Some people like that,” she said.

“Really?” It was his turned to be surprised. Who liked thirteen year old boy chests?

“Not me. I mean, I don’t mind.” She was totally flustered. “I just meant Brian tells me that lots of guys like smooth chested men like him.”

“Are you comparing me to him again?” He scowled.

“Sorry Jase, but if the shoe fits...” She laughed.

“I wonder if the hair club for men will help put hair on your chest,” he joked.

****

Jason flopped on his bed. Exhausted, confused and unsure about everything, he plugged the ear buds into his phone.

“About time you called.” Peter pretended to be mad when he answered the phone. “I was about to send campus police to arrest you.”

“Sorry, Pete.” As glad as he was to hear Peter’s voice, he still needed to be alone. “Took longer to get home than I expected. Wendy’s parents were being nice; nosy, but nice. I didn’t want to piss off a second set of parents in one day.”

“I thought you said your dad was okay?”

“I guess so.” Jason shrugged even though Peter couldn't see it. His dad was good, but he was only one half of the equation. “This is going to be an issue for my mom and him. Which,” he swallowed, “just makes it all the more wonderful for me.”

“You wanna come over and tell me in person?” Peter’s voice sounded hopeful.

“Honestly Pete, I am a mess right now.” Jason had tried to get himself in a mood to see Peter, but needed to clear his head. “Can we catch up tomorrow? I am going to be bad company tonight.”

“Sure Jase.” Peter’s disappointment caused Jason to feel worse. “If you’re sure you don’t want company.”

“Right now I am in such a bad mood I don’t want to be around anyone, especially not someone I care about.” He closed his eyes. “Text me when you get up tomorrow and I will run over. You can help me get clean, if you like.”

“Sure, Jase.” Peter still didn't sound happy. “I will see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t be mad, please?” Jason could almost hear the tears in his voice. “There are too many people I have disappointed today. I don’t want to add you to the list.”

“I am not mad. I get how you feel,” Peter said. “Tomorrow is good.”

“Thanks. For what it is worth, I miss you.”

The awkward period of silence told him he should have skipped the last part. He could almost hear Peter saying, ‘if you miss me so much, come see me.’

“Good night, Jason,” Peter said quietly.

“Night Pete.” Jason watched the call disconnect. He caught himself before he threw the phone. Right now he couldn't afford a new one, especially not because he was mad at something else. Plugging his phone in the docketing station in his alarm clock, he went to iPod mode and skipped through his songs. Finding the one he wanted, he turned it on continual and hit play.

No sooner did the music start, he heard a knock on his door. “Jase?”

“It’s open.” He never opened his eyes. If he didn’t live with Darryl, he would have told him to go away.

“Unforgiven?” Darryl frowned.

“It fits.”

“Wow.” He heard Darryl walk in. He opened his eyes in time to see his best friend sit on the bed. “The ‘rents are that happy?”

“Your mom called Barbara before I got there.”

“My mom?” This must have been news to Darryl given his reaction.

“Jordan mentioned your name, too. Something about us verbally accosting him last night,” Jason explained. “Clearly Rebecca called to ‘complain’ about our shoddy conduct toward her precious Jordan, then dropped the gay bomb, hoping your mom would call mine.”

“Sorry, Jase.”

“No worries.” As mad as Jason was at his mother, for some reason he was happy the news came from Evelyn and not Rebecca Colmar. “I am glad my mom knew before I got there. Now I know exactly how she is going to treat me.”

“You ok?” Darryl’s concern made him feel a bit better, reminding him he still had friends.

“Yup, fine,” he lied. Before he could talk about it, he needed to sort it out. Everyone thought he needed company, but what he needed was to be alone. “Royce isn’t cutting me off so I don’t have to drop out. Otherwise, it’s what I expected.”

Darryl nodded, but kept silent.

“Hey D, do you mind? I kinda need to be alone.”

“Maybe you ought to kill the theme music and go to sleep,” Darryl suggested before he left.

“Right now it works.”

“Night dude.” Darryl pulled the door shut behind him leaving Jason to his thoughts.

Reliving his day, he still could see his mom’s face. What did he expect? He knew she would be mad. He, the good son, was now an embarrassment. The ‘Queen’ could no longer pretend her world was perfect.

Nineteen years of following her rules, doing what she expected, and she tossed him aside like an old pair of shoes. Anger, disappointment, confusion, he could expect all of these from her, but total rejection? Who did that to their kid?

Even if it made her mad he lied about this for years, that shouldn’t provoke such a response. Okay, so he let Jordan know, but that is a far cry from deliberately announcing it in an on line banner ad. She acted like he meant to spread the news.

Trying to reconcile her reaction proved impossible. Nothing excused her rejection. At least his dad tried, even if he couldn’t totally hide his disappointment. Despite his feelings, his dad understood this was hard for Jason and was there for him. What was wrong with his mother that her ‘standing’ was more important than him?

Much as he tried, her rejection brought him to tears. Squeezing his eyes tighter, he refused to let it out.

After playing the same song five times in a row, he switched to Unforgiven II. Normally not a Metallica fan, he always liked the Unforgiven trilogy. Closing his eyes again, he tried unsuccessfully to calm down.

When the song started a second time, he heard a knock on the door. What now? He didn’t want to talk, not even with Darryl.

“It’s still open D.”

“Sorry Jase, it’s not Darryl.” Peter’s voice made him pop up.

Despite not wanting to see anyone, he felt a chill run over his body when he saw Peter in the doorway holding a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

“I thought a little junk food might make you happy.”

“Seeing you makes me happy.” For the first time all day he felt better.

Peter eyed Jason, almost afraid to believe what he heard.

“How did you get in without me hearing you knock?” He didn’t think he fell asleep.

“Sent Darryl a text letting him know what I was doing.” He grinned. “When I got here, I sent him another one and he opened the door for me.”

Jason moved over motioning for Peter to join him.

“No, I am not staying,” he said. “I know you want to be alone. Just stopped by to say, ‘hi’ and leave these.” He put the bag on the end of the bed.

“If you leave, I am going to run you down.” Jason shook his head smiling. “You know I can run fast when I want to.”

“I really can’t stay,” Peter tried not to smile. “You see, I have a date in the morning. My really hot boyfriend is going to run from his place to mine so I can toss him in the shower.”

Jason motioned again for Peter to join him. This time Peter walked over. “You can always get up early, go home and be there in time for your boyfriend’s visit.”

“I suppose even he can’t outrun my motorcycle.” Peter made a face as if he was unsure even as he sat down. Jason snuggled next to him and was rewarded by Peter collecting him into his arms.

“Hey, handsome.” Jason looked up contentedly. Even though he said he didn’t want company, Peter’s arrival improved his mood immediately. “Thanks for not listening to me.”

“Honestly, I wasn’t planning to stay,” Peter said. “I figured you really didn’t want company. I tried to get Darryl to bring these in, but he wouldn’t.”

“That is because he knows I would have killed him for letting you walk away.” Jason laughed.

“Yeah, he said almost the same thing.”

When the song started over again, Peter pointed to the iPod player, “Darryl also mentioned you were torturing yourself playing Unforgiven over and over.”

“It fits.” Jason shrugged. “But I moved on to Unforgiven II now. Soon I will go to Unforgiving III.”

“How about we play something else?”

“How about I just turn off the music.” Jason reached for the remote. Once the music was off, he rolled over and smiled. “That’s better.”

“Rough day?” Peter stroked his hair.

“That’s one way to describe it.” Jason wiggled around to get comfortable. Pressed against Peter, he almost forgot the pain his mother caused him. “Weird is a better way. When I got there, mom already knew. Mrs. Minger called before I could tell them.”

“Wow.” Peter made a face. “I didn’t think she would narc you out.”

“From what my dad said, she didn’t.” Jason couldn't believe Evelyn would do anything to hurt him. “I think she called to warn my mom that Rebecca was running her mouth.”

Peter kept rubbing him without speaking.

“Mom was so angry, dad told me to take Dean for breakfast so they could talk.” Talking about it made it hurt worse; it felt more final. “When we got back, mom stayed for about two minutes before telling my dad she didn’t agree with his approach. She then stormed off leaving my father to talk to me alone.”

“Holy shit.” Peter whistled.

“Yeah.” Jason could still see his mother’s face. “I feel bad for my dad. He is between that rock and a hard place. After she left, he told me I was still his son. That didn’t mean he was good with it, I get the sense he is really not good with it, but he knows this wasn’t a choice.”

“At least one of your parents was rational.”

“Anyway,” he sighed. God he was tired, “Dad said we would get through it, not to worry about school, even if I lose my scholarship. So for now, I am not cut off.”

“For now?” Peter asked. “Why would that change?”

“Remember who’s the source of most of the money.” He opened his eyes to see Peter’s face, but it was unreadable.

“You think she will force your dad to stop paying for school?”

“As strong a personality as my mom is, my dad is no push over,” Jason said. “I doubt he will do anything he feels is wrong. The question is can she convince him my being gay is wrong. If she does, I don’t know what will happen.”

“Damn. I can’t imagine what that is like.”

“Don’t try.” Jason laughed. “What sucks worse is this has to be putting a strain on my dad’s relationship with my mom. I feel sick knowing I am the reason for that. Dad said I should not worry, but I can’t help it.”

Jason was glad Peter didn’t try to convince him he wasn’t the cause of the strain between his parents. There was no denying he was.

“And just for shits and giggles, tomorrow I need to talk to Coach Slewman to find out where I stand regarding the team.”

“He can’t kick you off.” Peter tried to reassure him. “The university has a no discrimination policy.”

“You heard what I said to Darryl, I won’t destroy the team. If they don’t want me, I will leave.”

“Try not to think that way.” Peter leaned over and kissed Jason’s head.

“I don’t know what to think. Best to put it to the team and go from there.”

When he rolled over, Peter slid down and hugged him from behind. Wrapped in Peter’s arms, Jason felt comfortable enough he started to drift to sleep.

“Stay with me tonight, Peter,” he asked softly, almost afraid Peter would say no.

“I didn’t bring anything to sleep in.”

“Then don’t sleep in anything,” Jason suggested. “I don’t mind.”

“You are overdressed for me to be naked.”

“We can fix that.”