Sammy's Kitchen - 17. Chapter 17

Jake and I loved spending time with each other, but it was only natural that there were some things we did separately. Jake enjoyed sports, and I enjoyed cooking and playing video games. There were other things, too.

New Year’s Eve party was one of the less obvious ones. Since we were allowed to spend it with our friends, Jake was with his football friends, and I would team up with the nerds from my class, including Dean. A few years ago, we tried mixing the two crowds by hosting a party at our house, but this social experiment didn’t work very well, and we silently agreed to never do it again.

I politely declined when Jake said that Sasha had invited me to their party. Although it was really thoughtful of Sasha to invite me over, it would have been more convincing if Sasha had asked me himself. Besides, Jake’s football friends made me nervous, and I had already told Dean weeks ago that I’d be going to his party.

Sasha’s invitation was confusing, but I decided not to think about it and instead focus on what I loved to do most - cook. I knew Dean wouldn’t let me pass through the door without a few homemade snacks to please the crowd, and I was happy to deliver. I was excited about the wintertime meal series I hoped to launch on my channel in early January. It wasn’t the most original idea and had been done countless times before. That’s why I had to do it bigger and better than everyone else.

I started by writing down my favorite wintertime meals and then researched some other popular recipes from all over the world. Most of them were dull and uninspiring, but I quickly started developing improved versions, mixes, fusions, and twists. As my notes grew, I became restless and couldn’t focus anymore.

Just then, I heard noise in the hall. It must’ve been Jake getting ready to leave. I rushed out of the room to see him before he left.

“Hey little bro,” he greeted me. Indeed, he was wearing a jacket and the same hat he wore in Hellzone. I wanted to hug him badly.

“Hey Jakey, where are you going?”

“I’m going to hang out with the boys; what’s up?”

I hesitated. “Not much. I’ve been working on new recipes but can’t focus anymore.”

“Why? What happened?” He asked with suspicion.

“I don’t know, Jakey; I just had to take a break. When will you be home?”

“I don’t know, Sammy. I promised Sasha I’d help him with his chores. But I can stay home if you need me.”

“No need,” I assured him. “It’s nothing anyway.”

“Sammy… wait, are you horny right now?”

“No, I’m… oh fuck, Jakey, I think I am.”

“My horny little brother, I just knew it!” he laughed and messed my hair.

“Oh god, Jakey, I got horny thinking about food. I think I’m going mental!”

“Don’t worry, Sammy. Just get naked and lay on your bed. I’ll be with you in a moment!” he said, taking off his jacket.

I grabbed his arms to stop him. “Come on, Jakey, just go!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!!! Go!”

I regretted letting him go the moment the door closed behind him. Instead, I adjusted my semi-hardon through my shorts and decided to channel the sexual energy into work.

One intense hour later, I had a draft of my winter butter squash curry recipe in place, spiced up by star anise, whole cinnamon rod, peanut butter, and a mix of hot chili peppers. I hadn’t planned to cook it today but decided to anyway.

Mid-cooking, I realized something was wrong with me. I was acting chaotically and compulsively. I hadn’t even prepared all the ingredients in advance. I just chopped everything roughly as I went. I almost burnt my garlic and left peanut butter with unwanted lumps. I forgot to add the cumin and star anise until mid-cooking and didn’t grind the hot pepper as finely as I wanted. Somehow though, I felt as if I was guided by the spirits of my ancestors, and everything combined in perfect harmony.

I took the diced squash out of the oven. It was nicely brown, crunchy, and insanely aromatic. I used all my willpower not to eat it straight from the baking tray. Instead, I tossed it into the curry, then mixed it gently to avoid crushing it. I turned off the heat, put the lid on, and let it rest for fifteen minutes to let the tastes and textures come together.

Suddenly, I felt dizzy and had to lay down on the couch. I slid my hand under my t-shirt and put it on my belly, feeling the butterflies going crazy under my skin. Growing up came with symptoms that never ceased to surprise me. Some were more desirable than others, and some were just strange and confusing. Adolescent emotions did not come as advertised. Instead of being quantifiable and comprehendible, they felt like the weirdest one-pot curry ever made - me being the giant pot. Love, hope, fear, creativity, all morphed into one another whenever I tried to focus on what I was feeling.

I moved my hand lower and grabbed my throbbing erection. I knew very well that random boners can happen for no reason at all. It was nothing new. Right then, everything seemed to be making me horny. Jake, cooking, snow, Sasha, Devil Viper… wait!

I kept touching myself down there gently and tried to bring the image of Sasha to the back of my eyelids. I always had difficulty visualizing people’s faces, even those I knew very well. Slim figure, long limbs without an ounce of excess fat, pale skin, lush blond hair, European face features. Shit! I had never had feelings for him before other than distrust and discomfort. Feeling constantly intimidated by him blocked any other thoughts. Now, something had changed, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it.

It was so wrong! Sasha was the last person I’d like to be attracted to on the planet. Some of the ice between us has been melting recently, but I didn’t expect to find hot springs underneath! Now things would be even more awkward than before. What if he discovers it? How will Jake react when I tell him?

I snapped my hand from under my shorts and crossed my arms on my chest. My boner begged for attention and release, but I refused to jerk off thinking about Sasha. In my current state of mind, it would be inevitable. To distract myself, I went to the kitchen and uncovered the pot. I took a wooden spatula and tried the deep orange stew.

The mixture of spices hit my taste buds like a sledgehammer. The butternut squash, crunchy on the outside and creamy on the inside, filled my mouth with pure delight. The velvety texture of the sauce was close to perfection. The tastes morphed as more and more flavors came to the surface, adding to the depth of the dish and leaving the most satisfying aftertaste.

Struck by a rush of emotions, I shuddered and sat on the floor. Then, I felt tears gathering in my eyes for some unknown reason. I tried to stop them but quickly realized it was a losing battle. So, in the end, I just let it all go.

That’s how Mom found me a few minutes later. I never even heard her coming in. It was too late to hide my tears, and I just looked at the floor between my legs.

“What smells so good… Sammy? What happened?” I heard her voice, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her come closer and kneel down next to me.

“What happened, Sammy?” she repeated and gently touched my arm.

“Nothing…” I managed truthfully.

“Why are you crying? Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Mom,” I wiped my eyes and sniffed. She handed me a paper towel that I used to blow my nose. “I just…” I started and closed my mouth again. I couldn’t hope to understand my feelings, let alone explain them. Luckily, Mom didn’t ask any more questions and just held me there.

***

“That’s crazy,” I replied automatically for about the fifth time as Dean told me how they kicked the other’s team’s asses in a video game. I think he was talking about Valorant, but I couldn’t be sure.

“... And then I blasted them from behind to kill those who survived the grande explosion. Boom!” he waved with his arms to visualize it.

“That’s crazy,” I repeated, smiling meekly, unable to force a more genuine reaction. Crazy. That’s it. I’m going crazy, I thought to myself. What’s happening to me? I somehow have to survive this New Year’s Eve party without anyone noticing.

“Dude, my parents won’t be home until the morning. We can play all night!” He shouted right in my face. His curled fists betrayed how excited he was.

Fun fact - I used to love playing with them for hours. Now, the prospect of spending the whole night shooting at each other was making me sick. I barely uttered a word, sitting there with the boys. They chatted carelessly and acted perfectly normally, proving that only I felt it. I changed. I’m a fraud.

I realized my biggest fear was that someone would ask what was going on with me. I wouldn’t be able to tell them a single thing. About Jakey. About my channels. About Leo and Billy. I wouldn’t even be comfortable talking about hanging out with Sasha. Through my own decisions, I had made myself an outcast. It was only a matter of time before the others realized it.

I was about to play the most challenging survival game - to make it till tomorrow. Everyone was going to find out what I’d been up to. Someone will take my phone and find all my secrets. That they’ll keep asking questions until I finally break and confess everything.

Like so many times before, Jake saved me. I excused myself and retreated to Dean’s room which was now empty, to answer his call.

“Hi, Jakey,” I said, trying to hide how vulnerable I was.

“Hey, Sammy. How’s the party? Are you having fun?” he asked. There was loud music and voices in the background, but I could hear him clearly.

“Yes, Jakey, it’s fun. How about you?”

There was a short silence on the other end, and the voices faded. Jake must’ve closed himself in another room, too.

“What’s the matter, Sammy? Did something happen?”

“No, I’m fine. We’re playing games.”

“Sammy, you know I’ll keep asking until you tell me, so you better tell me now and save yourself time.”

I conceded. He was right. “I… I think I’m going crazy, Jakey. I don’t know what’s going on. There’s probably… too much going on.”

“I hear you, little bro. Would you like me to get out of there so you can be alone?”

“Shit, Jakey… I would love to.”

“Would you like me to come and save you?”

“I don’t want to cause you trouble…”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes tops. You can start counting,” he chirped and disconnected.

Reluctantly, I went back to the living room and joined the guys playing. I didn’t know what to expect, but precisely ten minutes later, I heard a doorbell.

“I’ll get it,” Dean said. “If it’s the neighbors complaining we’re too loud, I’m gonna laugh so hard.” He went to open the door, and I heard Jake’s voice. It was the most soothing thing my soul could wish for right then. “Come in, Jake,” Dean said, a little surprised.

All heads turned to Jake as he entered the room. This awkwardness between him and my nerdy friends was quite similar to the one I felt when hanging out with my brother’s sports crowd.

“Sammy, you need to come with me, now!” Jake said.

“What? Where?” I asked, feeling I was not really cooperating.

“No time, Sammy; I’ll explain on the way.”

It felt awkward as hell, leaving Dean and the others amidst total silence. I better come up with a convincing story to tell them later because I knew I wasn’t coming back tonight.

We went out on the street, and the chilly air made me zip my jacket to my chin. I grabbed Jake’s hand in the darkness.

“Jakey… Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, Sammy. That’s what twin boyfriends are for, right?”

“I promise I’ll never take it for granted, Jakey. I feel bad for all the people who don’t have one.”

“Right? How do they even cope?” Jakey laughed and took me by the hand toward our house.

“Are you having fun at Sasha’s?” I asked as we were walking.

“You bet. Sasha keeps coming up with some stupid party games, and it’s been a blast so far.”

“I’m happy for you, Jakey. I really am. I hope Sasha didn’t mind that I ditched his invitation.”

“I don’t think so. At least he didn’t say anything.”

“I would like to come… I really would, but… I think I would feel out of place there.”

“Not as out of place as poor Billy. He’s been sitting alone so far and barely said a word. He’s probably afraid that Sasha will kill him when he gets drunk.”

That made me stop in my tracks and let go of Jake’s hand. “What? Billy’s there?”

“He is. Why? I mean, Sasha invited everyone from the team, no exceptions.”

“That’s surprising, but what’s even more surprising is that Billy agreed to come.”

Jake smiled weakly. “Yeah, it’s weird. I think he hopes to take this chance to get closer to us. But from what I’ve seen, Sasha has been ignoring him at best.”

“I hope Sasha’s going to be nice to Billy….” I said, hoping Jake wouldn’t make it his mission to make me happy.

“I don’t know, Sammy. I can contain Sasha only for so long,” Jake said and grabbed my hand again. “Now, let’s get you home. It’s freezing out here.”

He pulled my hand gently, but I didn’t budge. “Jakey…”

My brother looked me in the eyes and grinned from ear to ear. “Sammy… you’re just too nice.”

“I will only come for a while to chat to Billy and make sure Sasha doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Are you sure, Sammy? You know it’s not easy to leave parties once you’re in.”

“I’m sure, Jakey. If Billy’s there, at least I won’t be the only odd one out.”

“I won’t stop you, lil bro. Wanna establish a safe word in case you wanna get out of there?”

“Stop it, Jakey. I’m not that helpless. Let’s go.”

***

The air in Sasha’s house was much different than when I visited the day before. It reminded me of something between a locker room and a bar. It was still early, but the place had a faint odor of sweat, alcohol, and cigarettes. It was weirdly empty and silent. I said “hi” to some boys hanging out in the kitchen and - surprise - smoking, but Sasha wasn’t among them, and the overall mess would suggest a bigger crowd.

When we entered the living room, I saw Billy sitting there alone. He looked bored as he swiped his phone but turned his head to us when we entered.

“Hey Sam,” he said and stood up to shake my hand.

“Hey Billy, what’s up?”

He shrugged. “Not much. I’m just passing time.”

“Where is everybody?” Jake asked. “I’ve been away for fifteen minutes.”

Billy raised his eyebrows. He looked tired. “Sit down, guys, and get some snacks. Sasha and the others went out testing fireworks. Not sure if they’re coming back anytime soon.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, just saying.” Billy grabbed a handful of chips from a bowl and sat back on the couch again. “I’m fine sitting here by myself.”

“I’ll go and make sure they don’t do anything stupid,” Jake said and left the room. I sat down next to Billy.

“So, why are you even here?” I asked him directly when Jake was gone.

“Leo is at work, and I had nothing better to do. You? Weren’t you supposed to be at a different party?”

“Uhm, yes, I was. But I didn’t feel that well, so I left.”

“And you ended up here.”

“Yeah… Jakey told me you were here, so I decided to come for a while and say hi.”

I hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Has everyone been cool?” I immediately felt awkward, but Billy just laughed.

“Don’t worry about me... They’re only mean when they’re on the field. You know, adrenaline, high stakes, testosterone. They’re cool if they don’t think you’re ruining the team’s work.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling even more stupid.

“But…” Billy continued and picked up a glass with a clear fluid, “who knows what they’ll do when they get drunk. Wouldn’t it be fun to get abused by a bunch of hot, sweaty footballers?”

“Billy!”

“What? Tell me you wouldn’t enjoy it.”

“I wouldn’t enjoy it,” I said without thinking. “There, are you happy? I don’t think they’d abuse you as you’d like. That only happens in porn videos.”

“There’s a grain of truth in every fantasy,” Billy chuckled and took a long sip from the glass.

“What are you drinking?”

“It’s just vodka and tonic,” Billy said slowly. “At least I’m pretty sure there’s some tonic in it. Do you want some?”

I thought about it for a second. I didn’t like beer or vodka, but I could use something to loosen up. I knew I could go home anytime, but I didn’t exactly want to be alone with my thoughts either.

“There’s a lot in the fridge; just help yourself,” Billy said as he played some music from his phone. I reluctantly stood up and went to the kitchen.

The three boys who I saw there earlier were still there. I didn’t know their names, but I knew them from Jake’s games and had seen some hanging out with Sasha.

“Hey…” I said and stuttered as I saw all eyes on me. “Billy said… he said there are some drinks…”

“Come on, Sammy, what do you want? Beer, booze?” One of them asked cheerfully. He was shorter than me, stocky and dark-haired.

“I’ll have… vodka with tonic,” I replied, hoping they wouldn’t label this drink too gay.

“Vodka and tonic coming right up, Sammy,” he said and opened the fridge. I wondered why they weren’t keeping the booze on the balcony. Was the temperature outside below the vodka freezing point? I wouldn’t be surprised.

“Thanks…” I muttered.

I asked for their names because I felt terrible they knew mine and barely knew who they were. Then I immediately forgot them right after they introduced themselves. Their names were Jacob, Max, and Kien, but I couldn’t match them with their faces.

I took a nervous sip of my drink and was about to retreat back to Billy, but the tall black boy who was silent until now - I think he was Kien, but then again, maybe not - spoke to me.

“Sammy,” he said with a deep adolescent voice. “I saw your videos. They’re hilarious! I don’t cook, but I watch them for comedy.”

“Uh, thanks,” I mumbled and took another sip. My YouTube cooking channel was the last thing I wanted to discuss with Jake’s teammates. Okay, maybe there were worse things to discuss.

“For real, this has the potential to explode. It was a brilliant idea to act like a couple. I see other YouTubers and Tiktokers teasing their fans the same way, and it does magic.”

“Really? I mean, yes, of course. It seems to be working…”

“The comments are the best,” he laughed heartily. “Some folks actually think you guys fuck each other. Those poor idiots act like it’s their first time on the Internet.”

“Or is it just wishful thinking,” added the boy who made me the drink - was it, Jacob?

“Yeah, it’s crazy, huh? They see what they want to see,” I said as convincingly as possible and took such a big gulp that I accidentally emptied the glass and almost choked. The alcohol warmed my throat, hoping it would help me relax soon. Magically, in just a few seconds, my glass was filled again.

“Or that newest vid with Sasha,” the black boy added. “The way you edited it, it looks like you guys are super horny for each other.”

“It was Jakey. I mean, he did a good job with the editing,” I said, trying to convince myself for the most part.

“If you need another guest for a shirtless video, just text me, and I’ll do it. Just don’t make me eat greens or seafood.” I was almost sure now that his name was Kien. Or maybe Max…

“Cool, if I ever do a burger or bbq video, I’ll let you know,” I smiled.

“Oh yes, yes, yes, PLEASE!” he clenched his fists and almost started drooling. “If you want, I can show up just in my briefs, and that’s GUARANTEED to give you extra views and weird comments.”

“Uh, thanks,” I just managed, unable to prevent myself from discreetly checking out his crotch. His bulge did seem to be pretty prominent, or maybe it was my imagination. “Look, I left Billy there in the middle of a conversation so…”

“It’s alright, Sammy; talk to you later.”

“What took you so long?” Billy asked when I sat next to him.

“Nothing, I just bumped into a few fans of my content.”

“Really? And you still haven’t told me how you convinced Sasha to appear in your video.”

“It wasn’t really that hard. I think that deep down, he wanted it from the start. I just needed to give him a reason. I bet he’ll do it again if I ask him.”

“I’m down for a guest appearance on your other channel if you’re interested,” he said, and with terror, I felt him touching my foot with his toe. Billy wasn’t ugly by any means, but that wasn’t my problem. I backed it off a little bit and cleared my throat.

“Uh, I’m not saying no, but I have to discuss it with Jakey. And even if we agree, this would be just business because Jake and I…”

“I get it, Sam. It’s cool. No one said business has to be boring, though.”

I took a deep breath, trying to arrange my thoughts. “Billy… to be honest, I’ve been having second thoughts about it. We may keep this ForFanz gig for a little, but I’d like to shut it down as soon as we find other ways to help our mom with the expenses.”

“Why? What’s wrong with getting paid for being cute and sexy?” He asked with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“Inherently, nothing. It’s just not for me, you know? What I have with Jakey… I don’t want to share it for money. Some horsing around and sex play are fine, but there’s a thin line… and I guess Mom would die if she knew her sons became sex workers because she couldn’t provide.”

Billy laughed. “Just think about our collab before you close the business, okay?”

“I’ll think about it. I promise,” I smiled, and at that exact moment, the front door opened, and I heard excited teen boy voices. There were some I didn’t recognize, but Jake and Sasha were among them. They went to the kitchen to join Jacob, Max, and Kien.

“I’m not sure if I should be here,” I told Billy as I got nervous.

“Me neither.”

“Anyway, how’s Leo doing? I thought you’d be hanging out with him tonight.”

“Nah, he’s at work.”

“Oh right, the Chinese restaurant.”

“Uh, no, he’s not working there anymore.”

I opened my mouth for a second before continuing. “I’m scared to ask what happened.”

“Don’t tell him that I told you,” Billy smiled slightly without looking at me, “but they fired him for stealing that duck for you.”

“This stupid…” I blurted.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s fine. He had a safe landing.”

“How safe exactly?”

“Tonight, he’s a DJ at a New Year party in a nightclub downtown. They pay him pretty good money from what he’s told me.”

I sighed. “At least there’s no way he can lose that job because of us.”

“Never say never,” Billy chuckled.

I was about to say something back, but at this moment, Sasha entered the room. He gave me a strange look that I couldn’t decipher.

“Hi Sasha,” I said, trying to sound confident.

“Hey Sammy,” Sasha said, and we had extended eye contact. Sasha looked fantastic. He was wearing a white shirt that he didn’t care to tuck into his blue jeans. His hair was nicely made. His skin was almost gleaming, and there was a magnetic aura around him. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t there a week ago, and I couldn’t help feeling that he was looking at me the same way. This was worse than I feared. Unfortunately, I knew that feeling too well.

Billy looked at us with wide-open eyes. Then he finished his drink and got up. “I’m going to… get a refill,” he said and left the room. Oh shit.

Sasha and I kept looking at each other even after Billy left, and during this staring contest, I learned about him more than I had all the years I knew him. I was deeply shocked, and my stomach was as tight as a knot. My throat was dry, and I wanted to drink, but I couldn’t move my hand.

“Are you having fun, Sammy?” he said eventually, just when the silence was about to become unbearable.

“Yes, Sasha. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said, and there was another pause. I wished he would say something, sit down or just leave, but he just stood there, piercing me with his big blue eyes. I never noticed the color of his eyes until now. How funny.

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” Sasha said.

“I had a little change of plans,” I replied. This conversation wasn’t about exchanging information. It was about hearing each other’s voices and being able to stare at each other a little longer.

“I completely forgot to invite you when you were here yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sasha.”

At last, Sasha smiled, almost making me faint. Then he sat down next to me, close enough to touch my right leg with his, even though there was a lot of room on the couch. The voices coming from the kitchen were laughing and talking. The scent of cigarettes intensified. Luckily it didn’t come from Sasha. He smelled good.

“In the country where I come from, people don’t say your name every other sentence when they talk to you,” he said, and I never saw him so friendly and interested. I was so used to his distanced and ironic stance that I didn’t know what to make out of this. Was it just a pose, or was this who he really was?

“Uh, I think it’s a little habit that I’m overdoing, Sasha.”

“Don’t worry about it. I like it. And by hanging with Jake and you, it kind of rubbed off on me too, Sammy.”

I smiled at him and immediately looked down at my feet. This was too intense.

“Sammy… I really need to know,” Sasha said, and I jerked my head up so fast I almost twisted my neck. “Because it will affect everything depending on what you say. I don’t mind either answer, but I need to know the truth, and I need to know it from you.”

“Okay, I guess,” I said and started sweating. “But what’s the question?”

“Do you and Jake… are you two… is he your… do you fuck him?”

He didn’t even blink, and I was mortified. He was looking at me so intently that I almost told him the truth.

“Do I… what??? Of course not!” I protested.

“I wouldn’t mind it if you did,” he shrugged, “I just need to know the truth, Sammy.”

“Of course, I’m not. He’s my brother…”

I took a deep breath and regained my confidence. I hated lying, but what other choice did I have? He said he wouldn’t mind… but I didn’t believe it. No one would accept two brothers being a couple and having sex, not in a million years.

My thoughts were interrupted by his voice which went down almost to a whisper.

“I was hoping you would say that. I felt it by the way you looked at me,” he said and placed his hand on my knee. Then, he started rubbing my leg through my jeans and moving slowly up my thigh. I tensed and couldn’t move. “You are a very special boy, Sammy. I always liked you.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t. I felt trapped. I couldn’t stop it, but I couldn’t let it continue either.

“I know I wasn’t always nice,” he said, and his hand was dangerously close to my hardening dick. “I didn’t understand you, but now I think I do…”

I never heard him say things like that. Was he deliberately flirting with me? The worst thing about it was that it was working and I couldn’t hide it.

“You… you’re drunk,” I said out of the blue as my final line of defense. It worked. Sasha backed away his hand and frowned like a sad puppy. I regretted my words right away. I mean, he was at least a little drunk, but I didn’t mind. I just wanted him to stop messing with my mind.

“Only a little,” he said defensively. “And I’m done for today. Not drinking anymore tonight, I promise.”

“I didn’t mean… I… I don’t know why I said it, Sasha. I’m sorry, I’m just tense. It’s New Year’s Eve, after all. It’s okay to get a little drunk,” I chuckled nervously. “Actually I… I need a drink.”

Fully aware that it was the most stupid thing I’ve ever said in my life, I stood up and mechanically walked out of the room, feeling Sasha’s gaze on my back.

I welcomed the loud crowd in the kitchen and was happy to find Jake, who was talking to the black boy.

“There you are!” Jake grinned when he saw me and gave me a tight hug that I happily returned, not minding Kien’s joyful laughter. Or was it Max? We chatted about this and that for a while, and after a minute, Sasha entered the kitchen too. He was on the other side of the room from us, but our eyes connected immediately through the crowd.

It was hopeless. Because I lied to him about Jake, he assumed that I was available. One possible route of escape was to tell him that I’m not into him… which would be yet another lie. I have no idea what happened to me, but I went from disliking him to being completely infatuated. It wasn’t that I stopped loving Jake. I knew it was just this stupid, fatal crush that would make zero sense in the long run. Did it change how I felt about it? Not at all. But no one said being a teenager would be easy.

Sasha was respectful enough not to approach me. I heard someone offering him a beer, but he refused, saying he’s not drinking anymore tonight. I texted Billy because I couldn’t see him anywhere, but he texted me back saying he had left and gone home. It was probably the right time to do the same before things got out of control. But for now, I was having fun. The testosterone-heavy bunch of footballers was not exactly my kind of crowd, but after my fourth drink, I felt like I was blending in.

I also felt like peeing, so I went to the toilet, and when I finished, Jake was waiting for me at the door.

“Hey, Jakey… can I talk to you for a minute after you’re finished?”

“I don’t need a bathroom. I came here to talk to you.”

“Oh…”

“So?”

I looked to the sides as if expecting someone to eavesdrop.

“Jakey… I think I’ve grown a crush for Sasha…”

As I expected, he laughed at me. “Surprise, surprise…”

“Stop it, Jakey. I don’t know what to do! I… I told him you and me… that we’re not a thing. And now I don’t know how to make him stop flirting with me without hurting him!”

“Sammy… No one in this world deserves you, not even me.”

“I don’t think so, Jakey. I feel like a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy; we’re young. Do what you wanna do. If you want to mess around with him, do it. Otherwise, it’s gonna torment you forever. I have a feeling he’s had a crush on you for a while… Even back when he was with his girlfriend.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes. I told you. Sasha can be mean to you if you don’t have goals or don’t work hard enough, but he appreciates talent.”

“Does that explain the crush?” I asked, unconvinced.

“You’re also sexy as hell, Sammy. I think all those factors combined are Sasha’s biggest weakness. You earned every single thing you have in your life, just like him.”

“But what if he wants something more, Jakey?”

“Just be honest with him. This is always the way to go.”

“That’s my other problem, Jakey… I just realized it… There are so many important things going on in my life that I can’t be honest about…”

“Yes, you can. You just have to quit judging yourself. The world is not ready for us, but here we come anyway, remember Sammy?”

“I do, but… You see it too, don’t you? Have you told anyone about us? Or about our FF channel?”

“I have not, but I would if you were fine with it. Listen, Sammy… I know it’s a lot but tonight… let’s have fun. And if you end up sucking Sasha’s dick tonight, I won’t mind. Tomorrow you will be my twin boyfriend just the same.”

“Oh,” I gasped, suddenly visualizing myself on my knees before Sasha. “I just wish I could be just as brave as you, Jakey.”

“You are, little bro. Now let’s get back there and have fun. Tomorrow is a New Year, and we can start over, okay?”

“Okay, Jakey,” I smiled at him. “I love you very much.”

“I love you too, Sammy.”

***

I was happy I didn’t stay at Dean’s party. Jake’s friends were fun. There was very little toxic masculinity. For the most part, they were just horsing around, and while I didn’t exactly join them, it was fun to watch. They broke a glass bowl after kicking it around in the living room. At some point, Sasha took off his shirt and started singing something in his native language. People were pissing their pants and laughing on the floor, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I couldn’t believe it. This god of a boy dumped his girlfriend to try his chance with me.

As time passed, we gravitated back to each other - partially thanks to the alcohol and partially thanks to Jake’s advice. I even took part in an arm wrestling contest, but I lost my first match against one of the boys. Everyone was cheering and laughing. I also got confirmation that the black boy who was a fan of my cooking videos was indeed called Kien. After defeating Sasha, Kien faced Jake in the finals, and everyone was cheering their names, Jake’s supporters on the left and Kien’s on the right. I found myself standing next to Sasha, who was rubbing his strained arm.

“Who do you want to win, Sasha?” I asked.

“Kien,” he answered matter-of-factly.

“Why?”

“Because it would mean I lost against the winner. How about you?”

“Jakey, of course.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s my brother,” I said, and the duel began. Both boys were already tired after four previous duels, and they were sweating, none of them able to gain the upper hand. The room filled with teenage roars and howls. “And also, I love him,” I added, not hoping that Sasha would hear it.

“I know you do,” he said, proving me wrong. “He loves you too.”

“I’m sorry for running away from you earlier, Sasha.”

“I’m sorry I moved too fast,” he answered.

At that moment, Kien finally managed to overcome Jake’s grip, and his shaking fist started pushing down towards the table. The cheering got even louder, and the boys chanting Kien’s name started drowning out Jake’s supporters.

"Kien, Kien, Kien, Kien, Kien Kieeeeeeeen!!!" They roared, making a noise worthy of a full stadium as the winner jumped to his feet with both arms raised. These guys really knew how to have fun.

When they calmed down a bit, I felt Sasha’s hand on my shoulder. “Do you want to go to my room? I wanted to show you something.”

“Sure.”

To say that Sasha’s room was small would be an understatement. It was tiny, to the point that his single bed, a desk, and a simple closet took most of the space. The shelves were packed with trophies; sports posters and medals were hanging on the wall. Being in a place like this, in a circumstance like this… was surreal.

“Don’t worry; I won’t bore you with stories about each of them,” Sasha nodded at the trophies and locked the door from the inside. This gave me a little thrill, but I wasn’t afraid anymore.

“You can, one day.”

“It’s a shame we never hang out,” he added.

“I used to be scared of you,” I admitted, surprised by my own honesty.

“I figured that much. I was scared of you too.”

“You? Of me?”

“Yes,” he said and gestured to me to sit on his bed, then sat right next to me. “You are everything I’ve always been afraid to be.”

“Are you talking about cooking?”

He gave me the most beautiful smile I’ve seen on him yet. “That too! But I also like it that you’re not afraid to be goofy and don’t take yourself so seriously.”

“Sasha… about the thing you asked me earlier…”

“Yes?”

“One of the reasons why I escaped from you earlier was that I was nervous. But the other reason was… that I have a boyfriend.”

“And your boyfriend is…”

“Jakey,” I said, and my head spun. I said it out loud. I said it to a person who I never shared any thoughts with until this week. My brother’s name hung in the air, and the confession had such a powerful effect that I had to keep talking. “I just told him that I have a crush on you, Sasha.”

“Was he mad?” he asked calmly.

This time I placed my hand on Sasha’s leg. “No. He told me to have fun and get back to him tomorrow.”

“It’s a shame that you’re taken,” he said and covered my hand with his. “I’m tired of cheerleaders.”

We rubbed each other’s legs, and after a few seconds, I felt his erection through his jeans. “There’s almost an hour until midnight,” I noticed.

He kissed me, and I returned the kiss as well as I could. The relief of finally making out with him melted me from within. I didn’t resist when he pushed me, making me fall on his bed. I tried to regain control, but he was way more dominating and energetic. He kissed and licked my mouth, cheeks, and neck. He gently bit my lower lip, and I bit him back. He liked it.

“Mmm, Sasha…” I moaned as he sucked the skin on my neck. I pulled him up, afraid he’d leave me with a hickey.

“You’re so sexy,” he whispered.

“You too…”

Sasha took off my shirt impatiently, and I did the same to him. I buried my face in his body and licked his slim, hairless chest. Soon, we lost our jeans and rolled on the bed in just our tented boxer briefs, making out and almost devouring each other with passion.

Sasha pulled me up to a kneeling position, and we kept kissing, grinding our dicks together. This time I made the first move to slide down the final remaining piece of his clothing, and he started doing the same to me. With two unmistakable slap sounds, our cocks were released, and we grabbed each other impatiently. I was still locked in a french kiss with him and couldn’t see, but I could feel that he had a decent length and above-average thickness. His tool was as hot as a furnace.

Without saying a word, we grabbed our both dicks and squeezed them together with our right hands. I really wanted to see, but I was still hungry for his mouth, so we kept kissing and pumping out shafts into our joined fists.

It was Sasha who broke our mouth-to-mouth, so I finally was able to look down. This was one of the hottest sights I’ve seen in my entire life! Sasha was controlling the tempo, sensually pumping his hips into our double grip, sliding along my shaft and sending waves of pleasure up my spine. I matched his tempo with my own pushes just when his penis was retracting to create the perfect friction.

We looked at each other, and it took me a second to see how turned on he was by this. We stared at each other, shamelessly humping our erections and working together on our orgasms. When we got used to the rhythm, we used our left hands to touch each other. I paid the most attention to Sasha’s chest and played with his nipple. Sasha put his fingers into my mouth, and I bit them gently.

“Keep it up, Sammy, don’t stop,” he panted.

“I’m doing my best, Sasha. Does it feel good?”

“It feels fucking amazing…”

We did it for another minute. It felt amazing, and it looked amazing. At last, I had a chance to take a close look at Sasha’s penis. As I correctly guessed, it was very decently sized and very smooth. His scrotum was shrunk down to an equally smooth orb, geared and prepared to shoot the load at the right moment. His foreskin rhythmically exposing and hiding his glans was hypnotizing and sexy as hell. No wonder his girlfriends adored him.

Then once again, before I could take the initiative, Sasha changed his grip, parted our cocks, and grabbed just mine. He started stroking it at full speed, and it became obvious that he was planning to make me cum. I did the same to him, and we went like crazy. I supported my head on Sasha’s left shoulder, and he did the same, our sweaty cheeks touching.

“Oh, oh, ah, fuck… yess…” Sasha moaned as he stroked my dick with the speed of light. I panted hard and loud, hoping I was doing just the right thing to bring him to climax too. As cold as it was outside. The room turned into a sauna.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but it took another two minutes before I felt it was coming. I held my breath to open my way to my orgasm and closed my eyes. But Sasha beat me to it.

“Mmmm… mmmmph… Ohhhh… Aaaaahh… fuck! Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” He moaned, and around the third fuck I felt the first rope of his cum land on my belly, then another and another. Before his emission slowed down to oozing, I started shooting myself, and a series of tremors shook my body. I went blind and felt strong spasms eject my seed with great force.

“Sasha… oooooohhh… oooohhh,” I moaned, overwhelmed by pleasure and not caring if I could be heard by someone standing outside.

It all lasted at least thirty seconds. That was one of the longest orgasms I’ve ever experienced, only matched by the best Jake sessions. Our bellies, our dicks, and the space between them was a hot white, gooey mess. If my head wasn’t resting on Sasha’s shoulder, I would’ve collapsed. We breathed fast, slowly coming back to our senses.

“Oh, shit…” Sasha broke the silence. “Sooo goood, Sammy…”

“You were great too, Sasha. Thank you… friend.”

“No, thank you…”

I looked at the alarm clock next to Sasha’s bed.

“It’s ten minutes to midnight, Sasha. Let’s get out of here before someone starts looking for us.”

“Good call,” Sasha smiled at me. We quickly cleaned and dressed up in silence.