New Kid In School - 21. Chapter 20 Part 2: 20th Anniversary!!

Ryan was driving us to Matt's house, and Matt decided to sit in the front seat in order to hide his discomfort about the whole affair from Ariel. Like Ariel couldn't tell from the dead silence during the whole trip. I think the only thing that kept him from putting two and two together was the fact that I was sitting in the back seat next to him. It was hardly the time to worry about myself, but I saw Ariel taking small glances at me from time to time, and occasionally he would pretend to accidently knock his knee against mine. I could tell that even the smallest amount of contact with me was causing him to just bubble over with affection. But I ignored it, I had to. The last thing Matt needed was to see the two of us practically play wrestling in the back seat. Then again, I didn't want Ariel to feel bad either. So I put a stop to it the easiest way I knew how. I turned to Ariel and flashed him my biggest, sexiest smile. I almost laughed out loud when I saw the look in his eyes! I bent my hair down a little and let it flop over into my face and if I had been an inch closer...Ariel would have cum all over himself! His eyes were full of just...this shock, and then he turned deep red, almost purple, and retreated back to his corner of the back seat. It was a dirty trick, but I needed a little space right now. The mind can only handle one problem at a time. I looked forward and could see Matt's face reflected in the passenger side mirror, he was trying so hard to keep from letting it all out in front of us. I wanted so badly to be there, to help him, to make everything in his life all better. But I couldn't. I couldn't even begin to think of a logical answer. Then I turned my focus to Ariel, and I saw him looking out of his window, just as sad. I started to feel really bad about playing on his affections like that. The poor kid was trying soooo hard, and he was making actual progress. I had never seen Ariel so happy, so excited to have friends, so open about himself. But no matter how hard he struggled, no matter how badly he wanted to do it, he just couldn't say the words. He was so terrified of risking what we had, that he didn't dare. It must be so painful, to have everything you want so close, and yet be untouchable. To appreciate what you have, and yet dare to want more. Ariel was hurting too, and I so wish that I could give it to him. I wish I could be his version of Ryan and just sweep him into this world of never ending joy and splendor. A world filled with so much pleasure that it's painful to even think of settling for anything less. Once again, a problem I couldn't solve. In life, the decisions just keep getting harder.

We finally arrived at Matt's house and let him out. He was shaking, it was almost as if he was afraid to go into his own basement. But he slowly started off anyway, ready to face whatever may lie behind that door. "You know, Matt...if you want to talk about anything later...you know my number." I said while hopping into the front seat.

"I'll be...fine. No matter what. Take care fellas, nice meeting you Ariel." He said, and we waited for him to get to his front door before driving off. This was a battle he was going to have to fight on his own now. Good luck Matt...you can do it buddy.

While driving back to take Ariel home, I looked at him in the rearview mirror and saw a look of concern on his face. He was concentrating on something hard, and if I didn't know better, I'd say he was planning out a little conversation to himself. I kept glancing back and forth secretly, but he was focusing so hard on his 'inner monologue' that I deemed it safe to just sit and watch him. Maybe it was just me, or the way that I was feeling, but from the look of determination on his face, I could have sworn that if Ryan wasn't sitting right there, he would have told me....everything. I could see the courage building in him, I could see him getting to the very edge. He had already crossed the line between secrecy and subtle hints, now he was standing at the line between subtle hints and total confession. Normally I would have rooted him on, but not now. Not at this very moment. I agreed that it was time to say something before his love for me got any deeper than it already had, but if I rejected him and both he and Matt broke down at the same time, then I'd go nuts. Add that to trying to make things right with Ryan, trying to hide my feelings from my mother, and a visit from my wonderful....OMIGOD!!!

MY DAD! I forgot all about him this afternoon. He told me to be home right after school so we could go out and do whatever he thought was 'guy stuff'. I didn't really want to go to begin with, but I didn't mean to actually forget all about it. Now I'll have to go home and get the hour long lecture about how I ditched him when I knew he was only in town for a few days. So what? Fuck him, he never cared much for me anyway. So what if I missed out on some quality time? He missed out on five years worth of mine. So, like I said, FUCK him!

Ryan drove over to my house, but suddenly I felt a wave of fear take me over. I saw my father's car still parked in the driveway, and it hit me that hanging out all afternoon with my 'fag' boyfriend would NOT be a good excuse to use here. Especially since I knew my mom was coming to her own conclusions about me and I didn't want her finding out, not like that. I'll be honest with myself, I never ever planned on telling her anything. It simply wasn't an option that I ever thought about. I just figured that I could keep it a secret and sneak around with guys without anyone ever finding out about me. I could do that. I've been acting straight for 16 years now, and I haven't been caught yet. Now, if only I can keep up appearances for the next...60 or 70 YEARS I'll be okay! Yes, it was unrealistic, but at the time it seemed like an easy solution to the whole thing. But I guess that now I'm realizing that 'solutions' are for 'problems'. And this isn't a problem, not for me. I love Ryan, God I love him. I look over at him sometimes and I feel this incredible heat wash over me and I know that I'm alive. I'm still so amazed by his beauty, by his charm, by his smile. I love the way he walks, the sound of his voice, the way his hazel eyes sparkle in the afternoon sunset, the way he chews his food at lunch, the crinkles that his shirt makes when he moves, the way his strawberry blond locks of silken hair wave hypnotically in even the most tame spring breezes...no one else on the entire planet could possibly feel this way for anybody the way I felt for Ryan. No one else could know this kind of love, we had to be the very first or something. Because if even a small percentage of people could know a fraction of what a blessing this kind of love can be, the world would be a much brighter place. No, this was definitely no 'problem' for me...maybe for everybody else, but if I had Ryan by my side, they didn't really exist anyway. I wish there was some way that I could make my mother understand that. Some way for me to put that into words for other people to read. If only I could do a little something to open their eyes, for just a moment, then maybe they could seek out a love of their own, and spend every moment until then in childlike anticipation for the greatest gift of all. Sigh...I think too much.

It only took a word for Ryan to take me to his house instead. I'm glad he didn't ask me to explain, because my father wasn't necessarily a subject that I wanted to deal with right then. We saw the light on the answering machine blinking and thought it might be Matt, so we listened to it. But it turned out to be Ryan's dad instead. The message said that he'd be late coming home, and that he wanted Ryan to pack a small bag for him because he was going out of town for a day or two. It was good to hear, considering that Matt's place might be a bit tense for the next few days. I was really hoping that whole situation worked out for the best. I mean they were three of the best friends that I've ever had in my life, how could I choose between them. And then there's Ariel. The only thing that would hurt him more than me pulling away from him is me getting closer to him than I already am. That was an issue I was going to have to solve soon. But like I said, I think too much.

We went upstairs to Ryan's bedroom and just relaxed for a spell. He put on some music and he sat back against the headboard of his bed. I instinctively crawled up between his legs and sat with him, my back to his chest, and he wrapped his loving arms around me, placing a sweet kiss on my cheek from behind. Ryan petted and stroked my hair, somehow making all the worry go away, somehow pushing the stress of it all out of me and making way for that incredible feeling to surge through me. I sighed out loud, and his arms clutched me even tighter as he felt the tension flow out of me. There was nothing more warm, more comfortable, more life giving, than Ryan's warm embrace. He continued to smooth my hair down and he kissed me again on the back of the head, inhaling my scent. It was hard to tell whether he was all mine or I was all his. Maybe we just belonged to each other. Maybe we just belonged together.

"Do you think it'll work out?" I asked.

"With Matt and the guys?"

"Yeah."

Ryan sighed, and he held me a little closer. "I'm sure it will be okay. It's just...no matter what happens, somebody is gonna get hurt. If it's Matt, he'll lose the only boy he's ever really been in love with to someone else. It'll kill him."

"And if it's Tyler," I continued, "He'll be playing the third wheel again and he will feel like he's being pushed aside for another relationship. He'll be crushed."

"Yeah...I know. I want to help, Randy, really I do, but this is all in their hands now. We'll just have to wait and see."

"I know. Just promise me something Ryan. Promise me that no matter what, you'll never leave me. And don't just say it, you have to really mean it."

Ryan kissed me again on the cheek, a few small pecks, his lips felt so soft and warm on my skin. His arms moved down to fold tenderly around my stomach, and I used my hands to rub up and down the outsides of his thighs. "I will never leave you Randy. Never. I'd give all eternity away for just five minutes of bliss with you. I mean that." Ryan's words melted my soul and I just let my body go totally limp in his arms.

"Me too. I'll be here, whatever you need from me, you can have. I can't express all the things I want to do for you. I wish there was a stronger way for me to say how much I love you."

"I know, somehow, I just know. Nothing will ever hurt you as long as I'm here Randy...nothing." Ryan's hands moved up and down my stomach, causing the muscles to tighten and shift with his motions. Ryan's kissing had moved down to my neck and collar bone, and our quiet moment in time was turning into something a little more 'festive'. I could feel him hardening quickly behind me, his stiff member poking me seductively in the back, and a low sexy moan escaped his throat. The vibrations alone were almost enough to make me cum as they traveled through my collar bone and tickled me from the inside. I slid down a little further, and leaned my head back to let my lips make contact with my lover's. Every kiss was stronger and more important than the last, and as my tongue slid erotically back and forth over his, all time stopped. It just hurt for anything to feel this good to me and not know if I was making it as mind blowing for him. No matter how much raw emotion I gave him...I was constantly trying to give him more. That's the funny thing about love, there's no limit, there's always some area unexplored, or some door left to open, or some level of excellence that you're always willing to push. I tried to psh that limit every single day, and I never tired of it.

Ryan's hands had somehow unzipped my pants without me even knowing, and he reached in to expose my meat to daylight. Feeling the electric shock of him taking a hold of my cock made me shiver and shake wildly, lifting my hips off of the bed and sliding down even further in his lap. My kissing became more intense, and it was like I was trying to drain him of his very life essence through his soft pink lips. I reached up to grab him by the head and pull him down further, attempting to kiss him even harder. He tasted so sweet to me.

He began to stroke me ever so slightly, but his strokes didn't stay slow for long. The way I was squirming in his lap and kissing him with as much passion as I could possibly generate in my young teenage body, he was getting even hotter than normal. His breathing got heavier, and soon we weren't breathing at all, we were making sounds and whimpers every time we exhaled. Ryan's hand was working me so good that I was fucking his hand with all my strength. I was pushing my back against his rigid cock and he was pushing it into me, grinding hard between my shoulder blades. He abruptly pulled me up against him again, I sat in front of him, trying to turn around, trying to taste him, to kiss him, to feel him, to please him. But he fought me, he held me tight against his chest and whispered, "Let me do it Randy, let me do this for you." I didn't want to stop, God I wanted him so bad. He stuck his tongue out and licked the side of my neck, moving up to my ear and nibbling hard at my earlobe. His hands moved faster up and down my shaft, and I could feel it in my stomach! His free hand moved up under my shirt and he was starting to bite down a little harder on my ear, I was in ecstasy! It felt so good that I cried out in passion and actually felt a stray tear roll down my cheek as the orgasm built inside of me. My body was trying to straighten out, to become stiff as a board, but Ryan held me steady, keeping me at an angle, keeping me from sliding down in his lap no matter how bad my body tried to fight it. My legs began to shake as the runaway climax began to strike me with a vengeance, the feeling kept getting stronger, and stronger still. Ryan was still trying to push himself into me from behind, and I pushed back on his cock to make him shudder. He sped up even faster and we both twitched and jumped as our bodies became one. He whispered words in my ear so beautiful, so incredibly wild, that it could have sent me over the edge without any physical contact at all. I knew the moment of truth was upon me, and I leaned my head back on Ryan's shoulder as I prepared to feel the pain of release. Ryan was coming close too, and he nibbled ravenously on my neck, his warm saliva dripping down to my shirt collar. I screamed, literally screamed, as the forceful blast of teenage cum shot out of me across his room. He never stopped pumping, he never stopped grinding, and the motion of his hand nearly drove me insane. Shot after shot flew out of me, each one accompanied by a whimper of pure madness. I was breathless, seeing stars, fireworks, and just when I thought the orgasm was over, another wave of tingles would shake me again. Ryan's started almost the exact same second that mine finished. He sighed at first, and then cried out as he began filling his pants with his delicious cream. I could feel the warmth of his crotch as it was soiled with his cum and I pushed my ass back on him hard, hoping to send the same surge of tingles through his sensitive cock that had passed through mine. Ryan was helpless, desperate, all he could do was grip me tightly around the waist and wait for the earthquakes to stop. He squeezed me, forcing the air out of my lungs, sticking his groin into me as far and as hard as he possibly could sitting down, and he mashed his face up against my back, attempting to muffle his moans of pleasure. He stayed that way for a while, but he must have cum even harder than I did, because he couldn't seem to let go. In fact, he slid down further and pulled me all the way on top of him, wrapping his legs around me and molding himself to me as close as he could. We caught our breath and then relaxed, falling into a post orgasmic haze that kept my head spinning for a full half hour afterwards. We laid in Ryan's bed, not moving, him wrapped around me from behind, and we just sat and listened to each other breathe. It was the quiet calm after the storm, that made every minute with Ryan a treasured one.

I knew that I'd have to face the music eventually, and that the time would eventually come when I had to leave my angel's side and go see my father. I didn't want to do it, but I had to. I started to get up, and I realized that Ryan had fallen asleep. His arms had gone limp around me, and just feeling his warm boyish breath on the back of my neck was enough to make me want to trade in my life to make this moment last forever. But I had to go. I slipped out of his embrace, and I already missed his body heat as I felt the coolness of the air rush in around me. I looked back down at him, half asleep, half awake, smiling at me with lazy eyes. "Are you going already?"

"I've got to. I'll see you in history tomorrow."

"Randy..." He moaned, sitting up and taking my hands in his, "Why don't you come 'here' tomorrow, and we can spend the day together. What do ya say? Clothes are optional." He said. I couldn't say no to that adorable smile. So I agreed, and he pulled me on top of him for one last long french kiss before I got up to go. I left him looking dreamy and satisfied, draped over his bed, his slim body looking as fine as ever. Who needed to walk? I could float home at this point.

I got home and opened the front door, I figured it couldn't be all that bad, I just forgot, that's all. He'll forgive me, he's a dad, he kinda has to. I closed the door, but by the time I had turned around, I had a pair of strong arms gripping me aggressively above the elbows. I looked up to see my dad's face, flushed red, eyes full of anger, and he yelled out "Where the FUCK have you been???"

"What? I was out with some friends, I just forgot today!" I said, but he wasn't buying it, not one bit. His grip got tighter, and I could feel it cutting off the circulation in my arms. Pain and fear became equally strong in me and I panicked, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. "What are you doing? You're hurting me!"

"You little brat! What did I tell you, huh? You know, I came home to see you, and you WILL spend time with me this week! Do you understand?" He shouted. How did I go from beauty and joy to crash and burn so quickly? He shook me and asked again, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I didn't want to answer him, didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had that power over me, but my tears betrayed me. He shook me again, violently, and I answered, "YES!" He let go of me and pushed me down on the couch.

"I came here, I put up with your lack of respect, and your nasty little comments, but I won't stand for this, boy. Do I make myself clear?" I nodded sadly, knowing that once again, I had lost to my father. There was no stopping him. No way to fight him, to hurt him, to tech him a lesson...there wasn't even a option for me to run away. I was trapped, lost, and there was no one who could help me. Not even my mother, who had seen the whole thing and was now rushing over to see if I was alright.

"Randall...he's just a boy. Let him go out with his friends, you can't force him, you know." She said, hugging me. But I knew it was in vain. My father had made up his mind and that was that. What was worse, I knew how he was, and I found no safety in my mother's arms. He'd push her down too, and there's nothing anybody could ever do about it. I thought all of this shit would have ended when I was eleven years old, but it hasn't. I thought the scars would heal if I covered them up, if I could just ignore them, just bury them deep enough inside, they'd go away. They haven't. Then the next words out of my dad's mouth were, "I'm gonna pick you up after school tomorrow, and you had better be there you little son of a bitch or it's your ass!" I had planned to spend the day with Ryan, to lay naked in his arms for hours on end and kiss and cuddle until the sun set and I had to come home...I guess that was all over with. The faster my dad was out of the picture, the faster I can get my life back to normal. So I nodded my head, hot tears streaming down my face, and I sold my soul to the devil by saying I'd be there. My dad stormed out and warned me again not to disappoint him, and he left. My mother and I sat on that couch, still too scared to get up, still too scared to even speak even. My father had a way of making a lasting impression when he left a room. Even though he was gone and had left the house, it felt like he could just jump out of the shadows at any minute, like he would hear any bad words spoken about him and would have no trouble teaching us both a lesson. My mother, after trying to soothe me and stop me from crying, finally got up and walked me back to my room. Then she apologized. APOLOGIZED! Like it was her fault! And she closed the door to my room, and I was left alone in silence. It looks like I'd be spending time with dear old dad after all. I'd have to cancel my plans with Ryan, make him feel bad, make MYSELF feel bad, and miss out on another golden opportunity to experience love to it's fullest. All to please a man who's idea of quality time was drinking beer and causing his family to quake in terror before him. Fine...I'll do it, I'll give in and sacrifice my day, go to school, let him pick me up and do whatever he tells me. I'll be a good little robot and do what I'm told for once.