New Kid In School - 23. Chapter 22: "The Days After"

Darkness. A thick black haze of nothingness. No sound, no sight, no smell, nothing but a very faint but familiar sense of touch. As I began to come back to my sense of reality, I could feel someone lightly petting my hair in soft, long strokes. I felt warm breath on my head, and as more of my senses returned I could hear the faint beating of a heart. My head was pressed against someone's chest, and they were cradling me in their arms. Finally, after about five minutes of the soothing treatment, I got enough courage to open my eyes. The blinding white light poured into them and all of my other senses rushed back to me, including my sense of pain. I ached, from head to toe, my head was pounding, my legs were sore, my arms were cut and bruised, my lip had been busted...it hurt to move anything, even my eyes. I finally tilted my head up enough to see my mother stroking my hair, her eyes watery but calm. I tried to talk, to ask her what had happened, where I was, but my voice betrayed me. I could hardly speak, my voice was so low, so scratchy, and I must have sounded like a drunk attempting to say something through this misty haze of confusion.

"Shhhhh....it's alright baby, we're going to take good care of you, okay?" She whispered.

Then it all came back to me. The day with Ryan, me getting home late....the fight...the screen door...the ambulance...oh God, I was in the HOSPITAL! I jumped a little, frightened, wondering exactly what kind of damage my father had done to me! Was I okay? Was I missing anything, an arm, a leg? Did I have brain damage, stitches, broken bones? Was I disfigured? Scarred for life? What happened to me? I twisted back and forth frantically, seeing if I was all in one piece, praying that I'd be okay. Praying that I'd live to see Ryan again, to keep my promise, and stay with him forever more. My mother tried to calm me down, but waking up like that is a fear I simply could have never even dreamed of until it happened to me. I didn't even know how long I had been laying there. A few hours? A few days? Years? Geez!

"Randy, calm down. You're okay. Shhhh...you're okay honey."

My brain and my voice finally matched up again after my little shock, and I asked her, "I am? What happened? Is it bad?"

She kissed me on the forehead and said, "You're fine Randy. The doctor said you hit your head pretty hard and they want to keep you for a few nights to check you out. Other than that, you've got some deep cuts and scrapes, a few bruises...but that's it. They're expecting you to be out of here in just a few days."

I relaxed a little bit, but not all the way. I laid back into my pillow and sighed. "What...what about dad?"

"....Get some rest Randy. We'll talk about that later, okay?" She said. And she went back to stroking my hair again. And she began to tear up as I closed my eyes to relax a little bit more. Just then, I heard the door creak open, and I looked up. My mother and I both focused on the door as Ryan peeked his head inside the room. He shyly walked in, a small bouquet of flowers in his hand from the gift shop downstairs. He looked really nervous, really worried, and I started to smile before I remembered that my mom was in the room. I figured that I didn't want to give any blatant hints or anything at that moment. This REALLY wasn't the time to let her in on any big secrets right then and there. I dulled down the visible joy there a bit, and Ryan stepped all the way inside.

He quickly got into his hetero 'boy next door' mode and said, "Hi, Ms. Stephens...is it alright if I come in and visit for a few minutes?" God, he was soooo cute when he was trying to be polite. He just had this boyish charm and puppy dog eyes that could easily enchant anybody.

"Sure Ryan, come on in." She said, and she took her hand away from smoothing my hair. Nice of her not to embarrass me in front of my boyfriend by babying me. Even if she didn't really know. It was a bit of a tense moment, having Ryan see me like this for the first time since the incident, and my mom sitting there to chaperone.

We shared a slight uncomfortable silence, no quite sure what to say to each other. Actually, we knew exactly what to say, but we weren't quite sure what was 'safe' to say in front of you know who. Finally, Ryan showed me the flowers he bought and said, "I...uh...I bought these for you from downstairs."

"Oh...thanks. You shouldn't have."

"Well, it was either flowers or a box of suppositories. I thought you might enjoy the flowers more." He said with a weak smile. He was trying...really hard...but I could tell he was holding back. I could see it in his eyes, I could hear it in his voice, I could feel it in his presence. He wanted to cry for me, to run over and hold me, but my mother was sitting right there guarding us and we knew that he just couldn't reach me, not even for a single touch. And with all the pain coursing through my body at that moment, that's what hurt the most.

"You know Ryan, we've got to stop meeting like this."

"I know dude, my old hospital room was like right down the hall. Hehehe." He said. His slight giggles almost gave him away, almost bringing tears to his eyes. And he cut his laugh short, fighting them back, my brave little angel. God how I adored him.

Another uncomfortable silence fell over us, and I think my mom caught on to something, some strange unspoken signal, and she looked a bit fidgety for a second before standing up. "Um...I think I'm going to get something to eat from the cafeteria...do you guys want anything?" We both shook our heads, and she slightly nodded. If she hadn't suspected before, she certainly did now. It was almost time to tell her, I could feel it. "Ok...you guys keep it down in here okay? No rough housing, Randy needs his rest." We agreed and she kissed me on the forehead, a long motherly kiss, one full of protection and love. Then Ryan, being the gentleman he is, walked her to the door and held it open for her. Closing it behind her.

Then Ryan turned and practically ran back to the bed, holding my head in his hands and kissing me deeply on the lips. "Mmmm...ouch!" I said, feeling my busted lip throb with a jolt of pain.

"Sorry..." He said, but he hesitated to go on, he was tearing up something awful now, and they spilled over onto his cheeks as his face turned red. "I'm sooo sorry Randy! God, why didn't you tell me? Why? I could have done something, called somebody, I could have gotten you some help from somewhere..." He was frantic, hurt, and I tried to calm him down, but he wouldn't listen. "I never should have made you come over that day, I never should have let you fall asleep, I never should have let you go over there by yourself, I never..."

"Ryan...shhhh...dude, there was nothing you could do. It's not your fault."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He said, his voice cracking as he sobbed even harder.

"I didn't want you to know about this Ryan, I want so badly to be so perfect for you. This part of my life is far from perfect. I didn't want you to get involved, I couldn't bare the thought of him hurting you. I'd die without you Ryan."

"But you should have TOLD me! God...I almost lost you! I just remember you being so scared and running out of the house...and then there was some noise and your dad was speeding down the street and I heard a siren and it was an ambulance and....and...it stopped in front of your house! I saw you on a stretcher Randy! On a stretcher! And they wouldn't tell me what happened and they wouldn't let me in the ambulance, I couldn't visit you or hold you or talk to you or anything! God I was so scared! You have no idea!" He cried. He was babbling, running from one moment to another while his voice got hoarse and his tears ran freely over his smooth cheeks. He leaned into my chest, bawling his eyes out like I've never seen. Ryan had never been so hurt before, and it cut me to the bone to think he was hurting over me. I ran my fingers through his hair softly and he his sobs quieted a bit until he was just laying there, his head resting peacefully on my chest. For a few minutes, we were so quiet that I almost thought he had fallen asleep. And then he started rubbing my stomach in small circles, trying his hardest to ease some of the pain.

He looked up at me and said, "Randy...you ARE beautiful. You've always been beautiful to me. Since the very first day I saw you. You have no idea the dark place I was in before we found each other. But you make me feel so amazingly alive. Geez, if I thought for one second these tears of mine could show you how much I love you, I'd cry a billion more. If anything had happened to you tonight Randy, I couldn't live another day knowing you were gone. You mean so much to me that it hurts. I love you." He said, and he moved up to kiss me again, hurting my lip. He stopped, but he just kept coming back for more until I just ignored the pain as much as I could. He tasted so sweet, his baby soft lips meeting mine with a firm, yet gentle, pressure.

"Thank you Ryan." I said, wiping a stray tear from my eye. "I love you more."

"If there's anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that I can do for you...just let me know, okay?"

"Well...could you run back downstairs and get those suppositories? That sounded kinda fun." I smiled. Ryan let out a genuine laugh, and a few more tears escaped his beautiful hazel eyes as he caressed my cheek in his hand. He stared deep into my eyes, as though he was admiring every inch of me, and it made me feel so special. My heart was free of fear, of doubt, of anger, of sadness, and every piece of negativity that this world could possibly create when I was this close to Ryan. Some of his loose strawberry blond locks fell into his eyes, and I swear if my lip wasn't so sore, I would have kissed him so hard and long that he would have to beg me to stop. But I held back, content just being there with him. We didn't say anything for a few minutes, we just stared at each other passionately. Occasionally Ryan would kiss my hand, when our eye contact got too intense for him NOT to kiss me in some way. And I knew he would rather taste my lips against his, but the fact that it caused me pain to do so, kept him at bay. He kept kissing my hand, longer each time, and then travelled up my arm to the inside of my elbow, where he kissed slowly with tongue. He smiled a little and went back down to my fingers. He started licking in between each and every one erotically, while grinning to himself.

"Ryan...geez, you're always horny!" I laughed.

"So are YOU from the looks of it." He said rubbing a rather large tent in the covers of the bed. It didn't matter where Ryan touched me, it always sent a chill up my spine. It was as though he knew my body better than I knew my own. It was a connection that I couldn't share with anybody else. With a little less pain and a little more privacy...I would have made love to him for hours at that moment. Just then, we heard a knock at the door. It was my mom, back with the food. She was especially cautious coming into the room, and I lifted one of my legs slightly to hide my erection from her. Whether she knew or not, NOBODY wants to be caught dead with an erection in front of their MOM! She came over and sat the food down next to me.

"I got you some salad and an apple for now. The doctor will bring you a healthy dinner later, but I want you to keep your strength up, okay?" Just like a mom, to bring me an apple! Psh! Really now. Then what she did really surprised me, she said she was going to leave and give us some time to talk. She said she wasn't coming back until tomorrow. I couldn't believe it, I thought for sure she'd be smothering me all night long. Too bad Ryan couldn't stay with me all night. He could only be there for another twenty minutes or so. As soon as she left he took the salad and apple and threw them in the trash next to the bed.

"Don't worry babe, I'll run downstairs and get you a burger. Extra greasy." He smiled, and kissed me softly on the lips. This time it was so gentle that it didn't hurt at all. Then he smiled, rubbed noses with me for a second, and ruffled my hair on his way out. I hated to spend time away from him, maybe I could get a phone in my room so I could call him later. He did bring back a burger like he promised, extra greasy, and kissed me quick on the lips again before leaving, not really caring if he hurt me that time. He saw me wince in pain, and he said, "Oh...quit being a baby. Hehehe, get well, okay? Come home soon...and I love you." Then he left, and I laid back to get some sleep.

I woke up a little groggy later, I guess a few hours had passed, and even though I didn't see anything, I could 'feel' somebody else in the room with me. I sat up and looked over to the side of the bed, and it was Tyler.

"Tyler? When did you get here?" I said wearily. He took a second to answer, he never looked me in the eye, just straight forward at the TV in front of the bed by the ceiling. It was some monster movie with the sound turned off, so I know he was just using it as a way to not look directly at me.

"About an hour ago. I just wanted to say hello, and see if you were alright. I hope you get better." His voice was so...cold. Almost emotionless. "Well, I guess I'd better go now."

"NO! Tyler...wait a minute. I want to talk to you."

"Randy, if this has anything to do with Sam and Matt, then I don't want hear it."

"Tyler, please...you can't just bottle this up inside. You can talk to me, I mean we're supposed to be friends. I know you must be feeling..."

"You have NO fucking clue how I'm feeling! You couldn't possibly understand! So drop it!" He shouted. It really hurt to have Tyler yell at me like that, and I knew I was pushing it, but I just wanted to help him. Please, just let me help, if only a little bit. Tyler must have seen the hurt on my face, because he apologized right away. "Look, I'm sorry alright? I just...it's not something I want to talk about Randy, okay?"

"I understand. But I'm here for you Tyler. I care so much for you."

"I don't want to HEAR that, Randy. Not from you. Not when you know what you mean to me. You have Ryan, Matt has Sam, and I'm stuck out in the cold...again. I'm so sick of seeing everybody fall in love, of hearing how wonderful it is and how splendid it is, and then come to the realization that I am truly alone. I'm just sick of hearing people talk about it all the time. I wasn't meant to participate in love, I'm just here to watch, I guess."

Tyler was slumped over in his chair, and if only I could get up, I'd hug him tight and let him know how much he is loved. He was my ex after all, but I wasn't sure if that made things better or worse. "Don't be silly, look at you. You're one of the most beautiful people on this earth. You're sweet, compassionate, giving...lord knows you're cute. Nice firm ass too, from what I remember." I joked, and it actually got him to smile for a second, but it faded quickly, and the teary eyes returned.

"But all that stuff...it just wasn't good enough...was it? Not for you...not for them either. If I'm so special, then why am I alone?" He whispered sadly. He wanted to reach out to me so badly, and yet he wanted to keep enough of his pride to hide some of the pain. He was stuck in the middle somewhere, and not being able to pick a side hurt him even more. "I'm sorry, this isn't about me, it's about you. How are you feeling?"

I hesitated a moment, but allowed change the subject. "I'll be fine. The doctor says a few days and I'll be home. And when I get back, we'll talk some more. Okay?" Tyler frowned a little at the thought of me taking this even further. But he agreed, and stood up to leave. "Come visit me sometime. It gets lonely here. It would be cool to have a friend by my side, you know?" That seemed to brighten Tyler up a little bit, and he walked back over to the bed to give me a big hug.

I could feel him shaking, and he was crying a little bit over my shoulder. "Thanks Randy. You're really special, don't ever change." Then he kissed me on the cheek and walked to the door. But he turned around and said, "You know...it's only been a few weeks since I finally got used to seeing you and Ryan together. I was just getting over you...and now this." I told him that things would get better, but he just walked away. It was awful...Tyler deserved so much more. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all go away, but he was right, I had no idea what he was going through. I almost felt bad for being with him and Ryan at the same time, ripping his heart out with every flirt we made with each other. I would eventually help him to get to the bottom of this, but I had no idea of how. What could I say? I wish I could be there for him like he wanted me to be, but the fact was, I had found my soulmate, and to delay Tyler from his would be wrong. No more games, I had to help him without jerking him around, and I had to make things right. Somehow.

I finished watching the movie, a few more hours passed, I called Ryan and had him whisper sweet nothings in my ear over the phone, and it's funny but there's really nothing else to do in a hospital except sleep. Something about that place is just so tiring. But this time, my sleep wasn't as peaceful.

I was dreaming, seeing Ryan standing in front of me and he was crying. I tried to get closer, but I couldn't move, I couldn't even call out to him. Then he turned around, still crying and sobbing, and he had the word 'FAG' spray painted on his back in big red letters. I heard my dad's voice saying "I'll pay a visit to that fag boyfriend of yours, and see what he's made of!" It echoed through my head and I saw Ryan walk around the corner where I could only see a shadow of him against the far wall. Then, the looming shadow of my father appeared next to him, grabbing him by the arm tightly like he had done to me so many times. I tried to scream, I tried to move, to go and save him somehow, or at least tell him to run. But it was all in vain, I was stuck, motionless, and there was nothing I could do to save him. My father started to shake Ryan violently, and I heard him crying. Then he started to hit him, hard, all over his body. Ryan was doubled over, screaming out in pain, and I couldn't help him, I couldn't even help myself. All I could see was the shadow of my father beating my beautiful Ryan while he shouted out in agony and I couldn't even turn my head or shut my eyes to keep from seeing it. Then, I saw Ryan hit the floor, and he ceased to move at all. A panic hit me, and suddenly I saw my father walk around the corner into plain site. He stared at me with evil eyes and began walking towards me, his fists balled up and his teeth clenched in anger. I couldn't run away! And Ryan...was he okay? Was he even ALIVE? Oh God! He's coming, he's coming for ME! I tried to scream but nothing came out, and as he got closer, I knew that I wouldn't even be able to fight back. He grabbed me by the collar and raised his hand to strike me! "WAKE UP!!!" He shouted. "WAKE UP!!!" And soon his voice turned into a little boy's voice, and it kept getting clearer and clearer until I drifted back into the real world and felt myself being shaken out of a deep sleep.

"Wake up sir." Said the voice, and I opened my eyes to see what looked like a little cupid standing next to me. It took my eyes a few seconds to focus on what was happening, and I sat up quickly, my sheets soaked with sweat. The little boy jumped back a little, and looked at me curiously, like he had just found an alien in his back yard. "Wow...I never really seen somebody have a nightmare up close before." He said. Geez, even in my half asleep state, this kid was adorable. He had this high pitched voice that just was so cute, like those battery operated puppies at the mall. He was about 9 or 10 years old, a blond boy, with the reddest lips I'd ever seen without make-up. He had these big sparkling brown eyes, and he looked like he'd one day grow into a teen that would rival even Tyler's gentle beauty. He was wearing a hospital gown too, and I figured that must have snuk into my room somehow.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"I dunno. Late I guess." He boldly hopped up onto my bed and just took a seat, swinging his legs back and forth. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of my little invader.

"How did you get in here?"

"I always get out of my room around this time of night. They tell me to stay still, but it's boring in there. So I go out and meet people instead. It's kinda cool. Hey, I saw you having a nightmare, was it about monsters and stuff?"

He had already welcomed himself in and sat down, and his voice was so cute it was a pleasure to hear him talk. So I figured I might as well wake all the way up and humor him for a while. "Yeah...I guess you could say that."

"WHOAH! Cool scar!" He said looking at the cut on my right arm. He reached out and touched it, making me gasp in pain. "Ooops. Sorry sir."

"You don't have to call me sir, you know. I'm Randy."

"I'm Wilson!" He said proudly. "Hey, I've got a cool scar too! Wanna see?" And before I even had a chance to answer him, he had swung one of his legs up on the bed and had his gown pulled up to his thigh. The whole thing seemed so weird that I just kinda laughed to myself. He displayed his scar on his left thigh with pride and looked at me for approval.

I smiled and said, "Wow...nice one. Where'd you get that?"

"I fell off my skateboard doing a trick! My mom took it away after that, but it woulda been really cool if I had pulled it off." He was so happy, it was like he had just found his long lost brother or something. He was so proud to be talking to somebody that he basically told me his whole life story in one breath. He just babbled on and on and on without me even saying a word. I actually welcomed the little visitor, sure beat sleeping at that moment. Soon he had scooted up to lean against the pillow with me and you would have thought we had been best friends for years. It was so enchanting to have this mischievous little imp suddenly cuddle up to me and start chatting away to a perfect stranger. There was just some kind of raw purity and innocence about him, and his giggles were beyond contagious. We hit it off right away, and talked for near to a half hour.

After a while, I started to wonder, "Hey Wilson, aren't you going to get in trouble if they find you missing?"

"Nah, they usually can't find me or a couple of hours. It's a big hospital, and not much staff at night. So I've got time." He said, and then he snuggled up next to me and got even more comfortable, as if that was possible. Then, completely dismissing the danger of getting caught, he continued. "So...tell me something. What'd you do to get all scratched up?"

He didn't seem to have any problems asking rough questions, so rather than mention my dad at all and have this turn into a three hour conversation of questions that I don't want to answer, I figured that I'd just make something up. "I fell down the stairs."

"Hahahaha! You fell down the stairs? Well that was dumb! You gotta be careful you dork!" He giggled. My jaw dropped in shock, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. He really WAS up front about things, wasn't he? "Me...I was riding my bike down the street super fast, and BOOM, I got hit by a car! Now THAT'S an accident!"

"Are you okay?"

"I am now, but they want to keep me for a few more days or something to make sure. They keep saying just one more night, but it's been like a week and a half now. That's why I get bored and stuff. I just wish they'd let me go home." He said.

"Well your friends came to see ya, didn't they?"

"Well, all except one. He couldn't make it."

Wilson seemed kinda sad about it, and I wondered if he was really hurt or not. It was kind of hard to tell, the way he jumped from one subject to the next. "Maybe he doesn't know you're hurt."

"No. He knows, he just didn't come to visit. It sucks cause he's one of my best friends in the world. He's a year older than me, but he takes care of me and stuff."

I sat up a little and gave him a slight hug. "Well he sounds like a good enough friend. I'm sure if he didn't come visit you, he had a very good reason. I'm sure he's here with you in spirit."

His eyes brightened up a little bit. "You really think so? I hope he didn't forget about me. By the time I get out of here, he'll have a new best friend."

I almost laughed at his logic about the whole thing, but he was dead serious, and so I kept serious too. "Oh I'm sure he'll wait for you Wilson. You're too cool to be forgotten."

"Really? Wow...thanks Randy. I'm glad I came in here, you're cool." And he threw an arm over me and hugged me tight. Geez, could there be anything more lovable?

We talked for a few minutes more, actually he talked and I either listened or laughed, and then he looked over at the flowers Ryan brought me. "Who sent you flowers? They're cool!"

I think everything was 'cool' is Wilson's eyes. Man, where does that magic go when you get older? "My friend Ryan bought those for me."

"Ryan? Guys don't bring guys flowers. That's what homos do." He said. Funny, the way he said it was just so 'matter of fact'. He didn't have any malicious intent behind it, he just said it like that's the way it's supposed to be. The sky is blue, the Earth is round, and guys don't bring other guys flowers...pure and simple.

"And what's wrong with homos?" I asked, tickling him just a little.

He giggled happily and said, "My mom says gay people are all bad."

I don't know what made me say it, maybe they had slipped some medication in my 'healthy' dinner, maybe I had hit my head harder than I thought, or maybe it was the one chance to help somebody understand for once, but I replied, "Well I'M gay." Was it for his sake that I said it, or my own? It came out so easily all of the sudden, as though I had absolutely no trouble or inhibitions about it at all. Maybe it was just the right time...or maybe...it was just getting easier to say.

Wilson looked at me a little strange. He was visibly confused, and I was worried for a second, but I knew that the way his mind worked he'd probably forget all about it in a matter of minutes. He studied me for a moment, like I was some kind of mystical dragon or something, and then he said, "So...does that mean that you like...suck dick and stuff?" He asked. Again, it was so adorable the way he asked. Not with insult, but with genuine curiosity.

"Hehehe well, that's a whole other story. But I like other boys like me. Understand?"

He tilted his head to the side a bit and sat up. That's when I realized that this conversation was far from over, and he was really interested in this. I prepared for his bluntness by sitting up too. Funny how I figured it would be easier to explain homosexuality to Wilson than it would be to explain my father. "Not really. My mom says gay people are all perverts."

"Well, I'm gay...am I a pervert? Am I bad?"

"YOU? No...you're the coolest!" He said happily. I laughed and thanked him for the compliment, but he was only quiet for a few seconds before his questioning mind got the better of him again. "So you like boys? Why?"

"I don't know. For the same reason you like ice cream I suppose."

Wilson smiled wickedly at me and said, "Cause it tastes good, huh?" Again, I was happily shocked, and responded by tickling him again. This kid knew a lot more than he let on.

"Yeah, I suppose that's true too."

"Oh. So is Ryan, like...your bitch, or whatever?"

"Hahahaha! He's my BOYFRIEND if that's what you mean!" I said laughing out loud.

"So you suck his dick?"

Okay, Wilson was as sweet a kid as he could be, but the questions were getting a bit risque here. "It's not just about that, Wilson. We're in love. Sometimes we just kiss, or talk, or just hold hands."

"Oh...so you only like guys, huh? Yuck! I don't think I could like guys."

"Hehehe, well no one says you have to. You can like girls if you want."

"I don't like girls either." He said.

"Well who DO you like?"

"Um...I like dogs pretty good!" He said. I laughed at his straight faced answer and he obviously didn't get it.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you'll have to get on the intenet to find something like THAT!" He still didn't understand, so I just said, "Forget it. It's a long story. But a few years from now, you'll be laughing pretty hard at that joke."

"So you love him like a girl, huh? Do you guys make out and stuff, and go to dinner on Valentine's Day like my mom and dad?"

"How come you ask so many questions?" I said.

"I never met a homo before. I just wanna know." Sweet kid, but I was beginning to worry whether or not I should be filling him in on all this stuff. I'd say it was parents job, but from the sound of it, they'd only be breeding another boy who just didn't get it. Just then, he asked the question that really stumped me. "Can you guys have a baby?" Okay, that's it. No more questions for Wilson. There was a knock at the door, and a late night nurse peeked her head in. A smile broke out on her face, and Wilson knew at once it was time to go. He stuck out his bottom lip a little bit and pouted, whining, "Oh come on...can I just stay a little bit longer?"

"To bed young man. I'm going to have to start locking your door from now on you little scamp." She said, and rustled his hair on the way out of the door.

But before he left he said, in his cute little voice, "G'night Randy! See you tomorrow!"

"No you won't." The nurse replied, but when Wilson winked at me and smiled, I knew he'd be back. As soon as the door closed behind him, I noticed the silence in the room. Funny how I missed talking to him already, he made such a sweet impression on me in such a short amount of time. And as strange as it was, I just came out to him. I didn't let the thought really penetrate my mind at first, but while I was sitting there in the bed alone, it hit me. Somebody else knew I was gay. But I wasn't afraid, I wasn't worried about Wilson blabbing it all over the hospital, I wasn't thinking about consequences or bad times ahead. If anything I could breathe a little bit easier. It was like a great justice had been done. The heaviest weight that was ever laid on my shoulders had just been lifted...by a ten year old boy. It was incredible. I smiled to myself for a few minutes, thinking how easy it was to tell him. And if it was that easy for him, why not for my mom, or my family, or the world. Sure I'd have my share of problems, but it's not like I don't have any now. And I could deal with them better, because I'd be free. I suddenly understood the pleasant feelings that Ryan must have experienced when he told his dad in this very same hospital. Wilson had taken away the nightmares that night, and I slept well knowing that things were going to change soon. I could feel it. I still wanted to be in control of this thing, and didn't want this getting out all at once. But maybe I could start leaking it out, just a little bit at the time. Maybe my time was coming...maybe OUR time was coming, me and Ryan, lovers for the rest of our lives. Geez, do I sound like a cheesy sex novel or what?

I woke up around noon the next day to a loud noise next to my bed. I jumped up to see a bunch of school books falling off of the table and Ariel trying to catch them all. As soon as he saw me awake he gave me his 'I'm so sorry' look and I could only laugh and tell him not to bother. "I'm glad you came to see me bud. What's all this?"

"I...I...brought you your homework...and stuff. I grabbed everything out of your locker yesterday. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Might even go home tomorrow. Did you just get here?"

Ariel blushed right away, and bit his bottom lip lightly, trying not to smile too widely as he looked down at his feet. "Yeah...sort of...I was watching you sleep for a minute or two." I couldn't help but grin a little at his bashfulness, and he had to cover his face to hide a cheery giggle. "I'm sorry. I wanted to look closer, but when I came over I dropped your books." His voice was trembling, and he was ever so sweet...almost to the point where I wanted to give him a big smooch on the lips for being so cute about it. But something told me that he might have just gone over the deep end about something like that.

"Thanks Ariel, I'm glad you came by on your lunch break to help me out."

"I'm not on my lunch break..." He whispered deviously with a wicked smirk on his face, "...I...ditched!" He seemed so pleased with himself. He must have been playing the goodie two shoes for so long that our friendship must have been a whole new adventure for him. But as soon as we smiled about it, he got a bit more serious. "R-R-Randy...um...can I...can I talk to you...about...something?" He stood there, nervous, shaking, and I got just as scared as he was. Not now! No Ariel, please not now. It would kill me to break his heart right at this moment, I just needed a little more time. I don't want to hurt him now, he'd never forgive me. "I...um...that's to say...I talked to Matt the other day....and...and..." He was balling up one of his fists, trying to get it out, and we both were waiting in terror for the moment of truth. "Randy...I...I know you're..."

The door swung open, and Matt and Sam came in together holding a McDonalds bag and a small stash of candy. Naturally, Ariel clammed up and the two of them basically bought me a little more time for the Ariel situation. This was bad, I was really going to have to have a talk with him the day I got out of this hospital. It was time to put a stop to this before Ariel fell even deeper and crossed the barrier between a crush and full blown love. Ariel said hello to Matt and finally met Sam for the first time. He was being social, well, as social as Ariel gets anyway, but he was still slinking back into his protective bubble little by little until he was just standing in the room and not saying anything. Matt and Sam asked the usual list of questions, 'was I okay?', 'When was I coming home?' and whatever else came to mind. As soon as Sam sat down in the chair next to the bed, Ariel must have figured that he missed his chance and then he decided to jump in and tell me he was leaving. He didn't seem too broken up or anything, but he knew that now wasn't the time.

"So what happened dude? Nobody is talking about anything here. You don't look too bad off." Sam said happily.

More questions I didn't necessarily want to answer right away. So I thought back to Wilson the night before and said, "Small car accident. But I'll be okay." They seemed to take me at my word, and poked a little fun at me, but didn't really pursue with more details. Thank goodness.

While Sam was sitting in the chair, I saw Matt standing beside him, his hand on Sam's shoulder, gently rubbing his neck up and down in smooth, slow strokes. I knew that love, the kind that makes you just want to be physically connected to your loved one at all times. You just can't stop touching each other, no matter how had you try. I was beginning to wonder if those two were on the same path that Ryan and I were on. I could only hope it was easier for them than it was for us. Love is so beautiful.

Then again...sometimes it isn't. I heard another slight knock at the door, and we all looked over to see Tyler walk in. He was smiling when he first peeked his head in, but once he saw Sam and Matt at my bedside, it completely left him, and was replaced by a look of false strength that we could all see through easily. He walked in slowly and said hello. Just from the look on his face I could tell he really wasn't expecting this, and it must have hurt to see them together. I saw Matt suddenly draw his hand away from Sam's neck and a tension fell over the room like I had never seen before.

"Um...look Randy, I know that I said I'd spend the day with you here, but...I've really got some stuff to take care of. I'll try to come back later okay." Tyler said. I wasn't quite sure what to do. I didn't want him to go and feel alone. But I didn't want him to stay and have to suffer any silent signals between Matt and Sam. If I could do anything to save Tyler some pain in this matter, I would. He was a sensitive guy though, and before I could even tell him to stay he was already heading for the door.

"Tyler, if you stayed it would mean a lot to me dude." I said. I just didn't want him to run off and think that I didn't want him around. We were all the best of friends, on a deep level that nobody could ever understand. We had our own little group of maniacs, and I just wish we could all get along somehow.

"I can't man. I gotta go."

"Tyler...you really don't have to leave because of us." Sam said. Then Tyler's face changed. A mixture of hurt and disgust. That word, that awful word he used...'US'. A pair, a duo, and dare I say it...a couple. He looked over at the two of them and tried so hard to make it look like this wasn't killing him, but nothing could hide that pain, nothing at all.

"It has nothing to do with you guys. I just have to go okay?"

Matt stepped in, "Tyler, man, can we talk?" When Matt took a step forward, Tyler took a step back. This was worse than I thought.

"I'm fine. I've got stuff to do."

"Tyler please, just for a few seconds okay?"

"I said I'm fine. You guys keep Randy company, I'll see you later." Tyler said, and he began backing out of the door. He was fighting back tears at this point and he knew he had to get out of there.

"When can we get together Ty?" Sam asked from the chair.

"Later." He replied.

"When later?"

"I don't know....later. Some other time, I'll call you...eventually." And without saying another word, Tyler walked out, taking his broken heart with him. Matt turned around, feeling like shit about the whole thing, and Sam sat teary eyed with his eyes to the floor. Any pain that they caused Tyler was shared between them too. They BOTH felt it, and they both wanted to make it right. I never really thought a threesome would ever work, but evidently some feelings can exist in that situation. Weird.

Matt and Sam tried to stick around and entertain me for a while after that, but after about twenty minutes, we all realized that the mood was a bit awkward. They apologized for what happened and eventually walked out. It wasn't my place to take sides, and I couldn't choose one side over the other if I tried, but something had to give before our whole little group fell apart.

I sat back in the bed, and decided to take a look at the amount of homework my teachers were no doubt going to drown me in. I looked through the books Ariel brought me and there was a note sticking out of my English book. I opened it up and it was another little love note, like the one I found in my locker not long ago. It read...

And of course, it was signed "Love, X" like before. There was never one problem that went away in my life that wasn't replaced with two more. If this was Ariel's note, then he was already in love, and I knew that no matter what I said or how tactfully I put it...this was going to hurt. I folded the note and put it back in the book. I spent the next hour or so trying to come up with some fool-proof way to tell him how I felt, how I was gay, and how I was in love with Ryan. But there was no possible way for me to say anything right, even in my own mind. It wasn't fair to string him along for such a long time, I looked back at it and wished I hadn't let it get so out of hand. I tossed and turned over and over and figured the only way to do it was to hurt him as little as possible. Or move to another state and not tell him.

Ryan came by later and stayed a few hours with me to chit chat and play 150 games of hangman. After a while we were just making up words for the other to guess at, and the pictures of the people we were hanging got more and more ridiculous looking. We laughed through most of it. Before taking off for the night, Ryan gave me a big kiss on the lips and rubbed my package for a few minutes under the covers. "You're going to be quite the horny toad when you get out of here buddy boy." He grinned. And he was right, after being in so much pain, I couldn't even masturbate. Not that a hospital is all that romantic an atmosphere for masturbation. It didn't matter though, because I almost looked forward to ravaging my teen lover as soon as I got home. I'd eat him alive, and if he teased me I'd go crazy with lust. I couldn't wait.

The doctors told me that I was fine, and that I could go home the next day, and my mom stopped in to say good night on her way home from work. And Jenny sent me flowers after hearing that I was in the hospital. I've got to remember to give her a call when I got back. I thought that maybe Tyler would come back later, and me and him could talk a little bit about the whole thing, but he didn't. Another person I'd have to talk to soon. I should buy myself a daily planner.

I was going to drift off to sleep, but I was kind of waiting for Wilson to come creeping back into my room, I was really anxious for him to come back. He was such a pint sized ball of energy, he made me feel like a youngster again. I turned on some wacky Godzilla movie and watched until I heard my door open. Sure enough, it was Wilson, smiling at me with those pearly white teeth and his blond hair flopped over into his eyes. "You're awake!" He said, and ran over to jump up on my bed. He hugged me right away and squeezed me tight, making me ache on the inside from my bruises. He didn't seem to care though, he just had too much love to give to hold any back. I giggled quietly, so happy to see my young friend again.

"So, did your friend come see you today?" I asked.

"No...he must still be here in spirit like you said. But I wish HE was here, his spirit doesn't talk much." He grinned.

"Aww...he'll be here, don't worry. And when he gets here you'll be all better and you guys can go out and play together, right?" I said.

"Sure! Hey, guess who I saw today?"

"Who?"

"You're boyfriend! At least I think that was him. Is he really really cute, like the kids on TV?" He said happily.

"Yeah, at least I think so. That must be him."

"Yeah, and did he have like really light blond hair? I saw him leave this afternoon."

"Light blond...OH. No that's not my boyfriend. That's Tyler, he's just a really good friend."

"Really? Oh...well he's cute, my sister says he's super hot!" I giggled a bit and couldn't help but agree. "Hey, you think he's cute too, huh? Did you suck his dick?" He asked.

"Hahahaha! Well..." I couldn't help but love this kid. The last thing I wanted to do was explain THAT little fiasco. "You have a one track mind, you know that?" I said, trying to change the subject.

"C'mon, I wanna know!" He whined through a smile.

"Can't we talk about something else for a change?"

"Hmm...hey, you know, there was an old lady in this bed before you got here. I talked to her one night too, but she died right here in this bed and..."

"WHOAH! I really don't want to know that!" I said, feeling creeped out by the whole thing. I had to stop him before I was unable to sleep in that bed at all! "Why don't we just watch the movie, huh?"

We spent the next couple of hours just watching the rest of the Godzilla flick, even though he talked through most of it. But hey, it's Godzilla...it's not like the plot was THAT important. We just wanted to see him blow stuff up. Wilson was getting sleepy and started stretching and yawning. I asked him if he was ready to go back to his room. "Nah, I don't wanna go. Can I sleep here with you Randy?"

"Um...yeah, sure, if you want."

"Cool." He said, and he snuggled up next to me and threw the blanket over himself, taking up most of my pillow. I smiled down at him and shut off the TV. We laid there in the dark and he squirmed a little bit before softly whispering, "Randy...if I liked boys, I'd let you suck me." Geez, I had created a little monster here!

"Don't worry, Wilson, you'll have plenty of time for that when you're older. Don't be in such a rush. Your heart will guide you a lot better than any other body parts will."

"How old do I have to be?"

"Hehehe, I don't know. Maybe about 15." I said, and he turned around to look at me quickly in surprise.

"FIFTEEN??? Whoah! That's like 100 months away!" He whispered loudly. I laughed out loud and told him to go to sleep already.

"Don't worry kiddo, those months will fly right by." I thought to myself, and I closed my eyes. Wilson spooned into me, his back to my chest, and I had such a feeling of warmth from this boy. He was like the little brother I never had, and it felt so good to just lay next to him, protecting him, teaching him. It was great. And that night, two friends, one straight, and one 'questioning', slept in the same bed as friends. I was almost sorry to be going home the next day. But I guess that I just had to live for that one moment, and it was one of those times when everything seemed like it was going to be alright.