Chapter 15

Shawn eyed Casey carefully as he stepped out the back door onto the porch. He felt like a freaking stalker, hiding in the bushes like this. After yesterday, he was worried the younger man wouldn't even come today after their near fight, and the panicked looked of nearly getting caught by his uncle. The bastard had come back early, and the look on Casey's face when he'd realized the sound they heard was the SUV's tires on the road was pure terror.

Shawn had wanted to grab the guy and just hold him and tell him that there was nothing to be afraid of, just like Casey had done to him before they'd gone back into the ocean. He wanted to calm the guy's fears, to be the one that Casey felt safe with.

But at that moment, he knew Casey would break if he did. He'd lose the man if he tried to hold him. So he'd told him to run instead.

So today, Shawn had made his way, carefully, through the tropical 'forest' that separated his little cottage from the Jorss home. He'd been waiting about a half hour, hidden by the huge broad leaves of the tropical palms, before Martin had actually left. Then he had debated just going ahead and knocking on the door to check on Casey, but instead, he waited to see if the man would come out on his own.

When the glass door finally opened, Shawn let out a huge sigh of relief. He quickly stepped free of the underbrush.

"Casey, man, are you okay?" Shawn burst out.

Of course, the blondish man almost jumped out of his skin. "Shit, Shawn, you scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry."

"What are you doing up here?" Casey asked, his gaze snaking to the road, and Shawn realized just how anxious he was.

"I was worried," Shawn said, his eyes raking over Casey. He wanted to take the man in his arm and just squeeze the fear and worry out of those beautiful gray eyes but waited to see how Casey would react to being with him again after such a close call. "You were so afraid when your uncle arrived back early, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

The younger man's countenance seemed to collapse as he sighed heavily, taking the final steps down the deck to meet Shawn. Shawn would almost swear that Casey was about to dive into his chest, but he pulled up short and stared up at him instead.

"I'm okay," the soft voice finally said. "I was able to get to the deck and pretend I'd just been sunning out there, so Uncle Martin didn't figure it out."

"Good," Shawn smiled tentatively, dropping a hand on Casey's shoulder and rubbing the tense muscles there. "I was afraid that you'd decide not to come out to see me anymore. You know, with my asinine comment yesterday."

Casey's shoulders tensed under his hand, and Shawn worried that maybe Casey had only been coming out to tell him that he was done hanging out anymore.

"I had to see you," Casey breathed. "You're right. I am hiding indefinitely. But only because I have to."

"You have to?"

"Uncle Martin needs me," Casey said finally. "I can't leave him. So yes, I'm guess I am hiding. And yes, it would be easier to listen to my uncle and stay away from you, but I can't."

Shawn frowned, cocking his head at the earnest statement. Casey seemed ready to break, but he didn't say anything else.

"You know what? How about we head over to my house and hang out there for a while?" Shawn suggested. As Casey cast another quick glance down the road, he continued, "That way we can watch a real movie, and we're close enough to the road that you'd be able to hear your uncle's car sooner, if he comes back early again."

Casey smiled and nodded, throwing his towel back onto the deck. They quickly tromped back through the trees to Shawn's cottage. Shawn opened the door wide to let Casey in.

"Sorry about the furniture," he said automatically, not wanting Casey to think that the out-dated furnishings were anything he'd pick out. "It was all here when I got here. I haven't changed anything out yet."

"I know, it all looks the same. I expected that--" Casey stopped suddenly when he realized what he'd said and noticing Shawn's pursed lips and knowing smirk.

"I thought so," Shawn chuckled. "I knew someone had been in the house before I got here. It seemed too clean."

"Guilty," Casey blushingly admitted. "Sorry, I didn't think anyone would ever come. It'd been empty ever since we've lived here."

Shawn waved away his concerns as he led Casey to the couch. "I don't care. I should actually thank you for keeping it clean." After Casey dropped down on it, Shawn disappeared into the kitchen for a couple beers, settling them on the table in front of them before sitting himself. "Actually, part of what clued me in was it looked like someone had been sleeping in the bed."

Casey froze as he'd leaned forward to grab one of the beers, causing Shawn to laugh out loud. "Ha! So you are my Goldilocks!"

Casey sat back with a frown as he took a tentative sip of the beer. Shawn noticed the grimace on his face at the taste and wondered if he'd ever had a beer before. "I have soda or water, too, if you'd prefer that."

Casey startled a bit, realizing that he must have given away his inexperience. "No, I just...well, I guess it's obvious I've never had a beer before, huh?"

"A little," Shawn smiled, settling back against the couch, resting his arm along the back as he watched Casey take another drink. "If you don't like it, I have other stuff."

"No, it's okay. I just...It's just different, that's all."

Shawn nodded, and there was a long silence between them that strangely didn't feel awkward. Having spent every day with Casey, where they'd often just laid out in the sun taking in the soothing sound of the surf rushing onto the shore, it was no different here.

Casey seemed to be contemplating the taste of the beer, frowning at the bottle, but still taking long swigs of it. Shawn would have to be careful not to let Casey have more than one or two. After several minutes, Shawn got up to put in a DVD--a nice action flick, none of that Disney crap. Casey didn't even seem to notice the movie starting, his eyes remained trained on Shawn as he moved about the room, Shawn could just sense it.

Even after the movie was playing and they were well into it, Shawn felt Casey staring at him occasionally. He figured if Casey wanted something, he'd say so. So he plopped his long legs up on the coffee table, his arm stretched along the back of the couch. His fingers could just barely touch the soft sandy-blond tresses, and he shifted slightly, allowing his fingers to wind through the silky strands.

He smiled to himself as Casey leaned into the caress with a soft sigh, his eyes closing as if focusing on Shawn's touch. It was hard to focus on the movie with Casey practically melting under his fingertips, but he didn't want to break the spell.

"Shawn?" Casey's voice dragged him out of the movie.

"Yeah?" Shawn turned, his breath nearly hitching at the dark, blown pupils of Casey's eyes.

"Do you...like me?" Casey asked softly.

Fuck, how the hell could he even ask that? Shawn tightened his grip in Casey's hair, turning the younger man towards him. "If you have to ask that, then I'm not being obvious enough."

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Casey dipped his head shyly. He'd hoped that he was reading Shawn right, but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions, not after the disaster with Roshan. The firm hand gripping his head focused him, and Casey craved more. He wanted Shawn to just grab him and hold him, make all the past loneliness go away. But Shawn would never do that. Casey could tell the man was upset by his revelation about Roshan, and he'd never risk pushing Casey like Roshan had.

For the first time, Casey wished he could just blurt out everything to Shawn and pray that Shawn wouldn't be disgusted by his secrets.

"So you really do... like me?" Casey asked hesitantly, shifting on the couch, bringing him closer to Shawn. He felt silly asking, like one of those girls in movies he'd seen where they got all giggly and flustered, but he had to know for sure.

He watched Shawn's eyes darken, those long lashes framing them. "Hell, Casey, how can you even ask me that?"

Casey picked at the label on the nearly empty beer bottle. "I just need to know if I... well, if we're really friends. You know? I've made the mistake before--"

A strong tug on his neck cut him off. "Casey, sweetheart, I'm not Roshan. And I like you a lot. I'd love to be more, but that's up to you because I know what you've already been through."

Casey's breath caught in his throat at Shawn's casual use of the endearment. Uncle Thomas had called him that before, but it took on a whole different meaning here. It had his heart hammering in his chest. "Will you...kiss me?"

He was sure he heard Shawn growl as he was pulled forward slightly. But then Shawn hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please," Casey whispered as he leaned the rest of the way to meet Shawn's soft lips.

At first, Shawn's kiss was tentative, testing, but Casey pressed against him urgently and swiped his tongue across Shawn's lips. Instantly, Shawn gave up his reserves and opened to him. A second later, Casey felt himself pushed up against the back of the couch, Shawn eagerly tasting him as their tongues fought each other for dominance. Shawn's hands cupped his face, and Casey's hands grasped his wrists, demanding he stay.

When they finally broke apart breathlessly, Shawn rested his forehead against Casey's. Casey panted as he eagerly sought Shawn's moist lips again. After a few shorter, kisses, Shawn ran his thumb over Casey's bottom lip.

"I've wanted to do that for days now," he breathed, and his soft breath caressed Casey's jaw.

"Me too," Casey whispered, tightly gripping Shawn's wrists, afraid if he let go, Shawn would disappear.

Casey could feel Shawn practically shaking with restraint, and he smiled up into the intense blue eyes as Shawn stared down at him. Casey released Shawn's wrists, sliding his hands down the man's chest, resting briefly at the tight abs he knew were waiting under the t-shirt.

He devoured Shawn's mouth, suddenly both bold and nervous, as he slid his hand farther, arching his own body up, seeking Shawn's touch, his skin, his heat.

When he rubbed over the bulge of arousal straining against Shawn's khaki shorts, Shawn jerked abruptly.

"Oh, fuck," Shawn gasped, yanking back and grasping Casey's wrist, stunning Casey into thinking he'd done something wrong. "No," he growled.

Casey's face fell, hurt and shocked at being rejected again and embarrassed that he'd thought Shawn might want him in the same way that Casey wanted him. He quickly ducked his head to keep Shawn from seeing his tears, his hurt, and tried to scramble to the other side of the couch. Hell, the other side of the island, if he could get there fast enough.

But Shawn held him in place, forcing Casey to look back at him. The pained look in Shawn's blue eyes confused him. "I'm sorry, I thought--"

"Shhh," Shawn said softly, pressing a finger against his lips, and Casey's mind warred with his heart to both pull away and press closer.

"I can't stay. I--" he mumbled against the finger.

"Casey, stop," Shawn demanded gently. "I'm not upset."

Casey's lashes lowered over his stormy eyes. "Could have fooled me," he muttered, his pride finally winning out over his heartache as he struggled to wriggle away from Shawn. "You say you fucking like me, but then you push me away."

"Casey! I promise you, I'm not pushing you away. Not in the way you think," Shawn breathed. "I really, really want to. Trust me. Hell, you felt how much I want you."

Casey stilled, frowning in confusion. "But then why--"

"Because you're not ready," Shawn confessed.

"What the fuck?" Casey snapped, shoving at Shawn. "How the hell do you know what I'm ready for? I've been ready for years, asshole!"

Casey felt Shawn tighten his grip briefly, almost pinning him to the couch before Shawn abruptly yanked himself back and stood up, running his hands through his hair. That Shawn had given up his hold hurt Casey more than he imagined it could. He'd hoped that Shawn would fight for him.

As Casey scrambled to his feet, he heard Shawn behind him. "Casey. Casey! Wait, please."

He froze but kept his back to the man he'd fallen so hard and fast for. Fuck, he'd done it again. He'd sworn he'd never open his heart up again, and here he was again, allowing someone to stomp all over it. So why the hell was he stopping?

"I didn't mean that you weren't ready physically. Hell, I can see... I can feel... that you are," Shawn pleaded. "But mentally... emotionally... I don't want you doing this because you are lonely. I don't want you to regret it later."

Casey's heart stopped at the desperation in Shawn's voice. Oh, shit, Shawn was just trying to...

He turned, his breath catching at Shawn's pained expression. He looked so... afraid.

"Really?" Casey asked hesitantly.

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Shawn's tense shoulders dropped when he realized that maybe he hadn't lost Casey completely. He'd had a moment when he just wanted to pin the lean figure down and make him stay long enough to listen. But then he'd realized that was too much like what Casey had described Roshan doing--cornering him in closets making Casey submit to his advances, and Shawn would be damned if he'd do that to Casey, not now that he knew what the other man had done.

So he'd let the younger man go, and he'd scrambled away. But now, at least for a moment, Casey seemed willing to listen.

"Oh, hell yeah, Casey. I want to be that person for you. But not until you're completely sure that's what you want."

Shawn watched Casey's body for signs that he might still bolt out the door. For a few moments, he thought he'd completely screwed up with Casey. He knew what he felt for the guy was stronger than anything he'd ever felt before, even with Liam. Casey might as well have just punched him in the gut because that's what it felt like when Shawn thought that he had lost him.

He pressed on while he had managed to stop Casey's retreat. "Casey, listen to me," he said softly, stepping closer cautiously, reaching for Casey's hand. "You've been through a bad relationship, and you haven't had any other... opportunities to meet someone. As much as I may be sure that I want to be with you, I want you to be sure that you're not just settling for the first guy to come along since that bastard who hurt you."

Casey's gray eyes stared up at him, glistening ominously and Shawn wasn't sure what Casey was thinking right then because the man wasn't talking, he was just staring at him, his bottom lip trembling slightly.

"Shit, I didn't mean for this to happen," Shawn blurted out, anxious to fill the silence. "I didn't want to fight with you or upset you like this. I just--"

This time, Casey's fingers landed on his lips, cutting off Shawn's rambling. Then he noticed the small smile quirking the soft pink lips.

"I get it now," Casey said as his other hand tightened in Shawn's. "I was a lust-driven idiot, and you are my Prince Charming saving me from myself."

Shawn chuckled. "Trust me, I'm not that much of a Prince Charming. If you knew some of the fantasies I've been having about you--"

"In bed?" Casey smirked.

Shawn's lips pursed. "In bed, on the deck, on the beach, in the waves..."

Casey burst out laughing, and Shawn knew suddenly everything was going to be okay. The tense moment where he was sure Casey was going to retreat was gone, and the man was still here, with him. He gathered Casey in his arms and felt Casey's wrap around his waist. He smoothed over Casey's golden brown hair, holding him tightly as he felt Casey's warm breath on his chest through the thin t-shirt.

Thank God, he breathed to himself.

Casey pulled back briefly, looking up at him earnestly. "Promise me one thing..."

"Anything," Shawn agreed quickly, probably faster than was smart.

"That someday... we'll carry out some of those fantasies?"

Shawn grinned, leaning down to kiss the man. "Absolutely," he growled, catching Casey in a demanding kiss, moaning as the man's sweet mouth opened to him immediately.

Casey's eagerness had pushed him back so far that his calves hit the edge of the couch, causing him to tumble backwards, dragging Casey with him. Shawn grunted, emitting a loud 'Ooof' as Casey's weigh landed on him. Both of them dissolved in to hysterical chuckles, and Shawn reveled in the feel of Casey's shaking body pressed against him.

When they calmed enough, Casey eased up a bit, staring down at Shawn. "I guess we just had our first fight."

Shawn smiled. "Yeah, thank god that's over with. Now we can focus on the good stuff."

"You rejected the good stuff, remember?" Casey teased.

Shawn growled as he pulled Casey back down, pressing kisses along his throat. "Anything's good stuff if I can just hold you in my arms."

And with that Shawn flipped Casey around, gathering the smaller man against him. Hell, he'd never really cuddled with his other boyfriends before, and he suddenly realized those relationships had been more about sex than actual love and affection. While he'd loved being with his ex-boyfriend Liam, he hadn't really ever thought much past a couple years with him. But Casey...fuck, with Casey he was... hell, he was thinking 'forever'.

And now that he finally had the man in his arms, he was damned if he'd let him go.